InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ If You Only Knew ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or its characters, Rumiko does, so please don't sue!


If You Only Knew: Chapter 1


Stars glimmered in the night sky, and the full moon's light glinted off the golden eyes of a hanyou. His face was lost in semi-peaceful thought as he gazed upon the land, more specifically, his comrades sleeping soundly below his nightly perch. Inuyasha's ears twitched... yes, it was unmistakably his name. "Inuyasha..." He leaped soundlessly from his branch and walked over to the sleeping girl. "Please, Inuyasha..." 'She's surely asleep, but why does she call out for me?' The confused expression changed to one of concern as he noticed a tear slide down her face. He reached down and lightly wiped the single tear from her cheek. Kagome stirred slightly, and he jumped back into the shadows, afraid she would awake completely and see him standing there. Still, he watched her confused. 'Why the tear and my name? Do I make her cry even in her sleep?' Inuyasha continued to ponder, half wondering why he cared, the other knowing why. A sob brought him out of his thoughts and he stood frozen.

Kagome awoke from her dream, and she just couldn't stop the tears from flowing. It was only a dream, but more like a memory. Inuyasha was holding Kikyo, promising her he would always protect her and then go to hell with her. She could feel the constricting of her heart when his lips claim those of the dead miko. All the while she watches, she's silently screaming for Inuyasha to notice her, to see her... to love her back. Her shoulders tremble with each heartbreaking sob, and she doesn't notice Inuyasha approaching her from the forest shadows.

She turns, slightly startled, but then relaxes to see it is only her hanyou, 'Inuyasha.' "I'm sorry, I must have woke you," Kagome says as she turns her face away and wipes her tear-streaked cheeks.

"Oi, wench, why are you crying in the middle of the night? Nothin's hurt you," he says in his all too familiar gruffness. That's the best way Inuyasha could show his concern for the sorrow that he glimpsed in her eyes before she turned away from him.

Kagome flinches at his tone as it reminds her of her dream, her memories, and her broken heart. 'Nothin's hurt you? If only you could understand my pain.'

All the while Inuyasha was secretly berating himself for not being able to show more sympathy to her. 'I just wish I could bring myself to hold you. I want to kiss all the tears away. If only to see that smile light up your face again.' Of course he could never do such a thing. She wouldn't want to be held by him, a lowly hanyou. She could never love him, or accept his comfort. But something pulled at the strings of that thought, making him want to believe that she does accept him, that it's possible for her to love him. Only she has ever shown him the compassion he's ever dreamed of. 'Who am I fooling?'

She looked up at Inuyasha after such a long silence, half surprised to not hear more of a rant from him, and more surprised to see him lost in his own thoughts. 'Probably thinking of Kikyo and how I'm so much weaker than she is. I bet she never cried, although I wonder if she ever could.' Kagome shook her head to try and erase those thoughts and decided to break the silence.

"It was just a dream, I'm sorry. You can go back to your tree and sleep now."

Inuyasha started. 'Whoa, I've been standing here like an idiot.'

"Keh! I wouldn't be down here if you wouldn't have called out my name!" Sometimes he wished he could just bite his tongue.

"I called out your name?" She whispered almost to herself, but his keen hearing picked it up.

"Hai, and I came down here to find out you had some dumb dream, instead of something important like sensing a Shikon Shard. Weak humans, you cry over everything!"

"Sit!"

"Bitch! What was that for?" he growled. A voice inside his head nagged him, telling him he deserved it.

"For being a heartless jerk!" Kagome stood up, grabbed her bathing supplies, and stomped off towards the stream.

Inuyasha watched her form move steadily away, silhouetted in the rising sun's glow. His mind was reeling. 'A heartless jerk? Why can't I just tell her how I feel? Wait, do I even know how I feel?' Then he was abruptly brought into reality by a tugging on his ear.

"Hey Inuyasha! What did you do to Kagome this time?" Said a sleep weary Shippo while rubbing his eyes. He was promptly answered by a snarl and a bonk on the head. In a flash of red and white, Inuyasha was gone. Miroku, who was awakened by all the commotion, was preparing to head off towards the stream, until he was jerked back by his robe and turned to face an all but happy Sango.

"And where do you think you're going?" She inquired with promise of a few bumps on the head with hiraikotsu.

"Ah, Sango-chan, looking lovely this morning!" When all he got as a reaction was a glare, he quickly spit out, "I was merely going to go teach Inuyasha-sama a lesson on women's feelings and how to be sensitive to..." But he was interrupted by a knock on the head.

"Houshi-sama, how could you teach him anything when it seems all you know of women's feelings is their bottoms?" Satisfaction was hers at the puzzled look on his face.

"But my lady, a women's heart is in her chest, not her bottom." Sango sweatdropped. With an exaggerated "Ugh" she hurried to join Kagome. There was some serious girl time in store from the sounds of the argument that oh-so-happened to awaken them all.

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Miroku scratched his head as he watched Sango leave in a huff . 'What did I say?' He grinned as his vision moved south to the swaying of her hind side, his hand twitching in habitual longing. 'She's so sexy when she's angry!' With that thought he continued his original destination to follow the girls. Before he could get two steps off, a small weight that was Shippo propelled itself onto his leg, refusing to let go no matter how hard he pulled.

"I would stay here if I were you," Shippo warned.

"And why is that little one?" Miroku mused.

Shippo detached himself from the monk's leg, and started to count on his fingers. "Well, one, Inuyasha would beat you up. Two, Kagome would yell and then Inuyasha would still beat you up. And..." He scrunched up his nose and then asked, "What comes after two?"

"Three," Miroku answered, starting to feel sorry he asked the kit why. He had much more important things to do at the moment. What if he missed his chance and they finished bathing before he got there!

"Oh, OK, and three Sango would knock you unconscious." With a confused expression he added, "Hey Miroku, why does Sango always get mad when you touch her? And why does she and Kagome scream when you see them taking a bath? They don't scream when I see them. And why does Inuyasha always threaten you about going near Kagome? And why-" Shippo stopped when Miroku crashed to the ground, his eyes spinning in a dazed expression. He shrugged and went to raid Kagome's bag for some breakfast, or chocolate, whatever he found first.

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When Sango got to the stream, she wasn't surprised to see Kagome sitting on the bank crying. With a sigh, she approached her friend, who may as well be her sister. 'That damn hanyou! When I get my hands on Inuyasha, I'm going to throttle him!' "Kagome-chan?" She addressed her softly.

"Good morning, Sango-chan," Kagome said while hastily wiping the tears from her eyes and putting on the biggest and fakest smile she could muster.

"Don't give me that cheerful stuff, I saw you crying." She walked over to embrace Kagome in a big hug. "You can cry to me, you know that." That was all the encouragement she needed.

"Oh Sango! Why does he have to be such a jerk!" Kagome threw her arms around Sango, almost knocking her over in the process. She began sobbing fitfully into the other girl's kimono.

Sango tried to calm her by hugging her and patting her back. "It's okay Kagome. Do you want me to kill him for you?"

Kagome sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve, and half smiled, "No, although I wish I could use him for target practice sometimes." Both girls laughed. "Shall we bathe before our favorite monk comes to join us?"

"Hmph! That lecher! I just can't believe him sometimes! I think my hand is getting callused from smacking him so much." Sango began to scan the surrounding area for the aforementioned houshi.

"I think you like it and just don't want to admit that you love him!" Kagome stifled a giggle as Sango snapped her head around to look at her with wide eyes.

"I do not like it! And I do not love him!" Sango hopelessly tried to defend herself, but with her face going from a light shade of pink to a deep crimson by seconds, she failed miserably. Kagome could no longer hold in her laughter as she watched her bewildered friend in amusement.

"Oh, and I bet you'd admit that you love Inuyasha?" Two could play at this game. Or not. Kagome shifted her gaze to the water.

"Even if I loved Inuyasha, he could never love me back. He loves Kikyo, and I'm just her weak reincarnate. All he cares about is the Shikon no Tama. I'm just his shard detector, and when he's done with me he'll push me down the well and go to her."

Sighing, Sango decided she really was going to brain Inuyasha when she sees him. "You can't believe that Kagome-chan. You are not just someone's reincarnate. You're you and so much different than her. You're a better person. And if Inuyasha is too blind to see that and would choose a corpse over you, then it isn't worth your heartache anyway."

"Maybe you're right, we better do our business and get back to camp before we're missed." With one more look around, they undressed and stepped into the cool water.

Kagome recapped on what Sango said. 'It's so hard to have faith in her words when so often Inuyasha is telling me different. His words pierce me so deep, and it hurts so much. But I keep telling myself this is what I chose. It was my decision to stay by his side even if he loves another. I just get this silly hope that he may come to love me instead. Then he crushes those hopes in an instant. Why Inuyasha? Why can't you love me?'

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Inuyasha made his way back to camp. The bits of the girls' conversation he'd "overheard" made him realize he had some thinking to do. Plus he wanted to make sure Miroku stayed as far away from the stream as possible.

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After Kagome left, Inuyasha decided to follow her, so nothing would happen to her while she's alone. Jumping gracefully from tree to tree he watched her angered stance falter. Her shoulders slumped, and he could smell the renewed salty stench of her tears. 'I always make her cry. Why do my words come out so cold when I really want to comfort her? I am such a worthless being to hurt someone so pure. I can never tell her I really do love... No, I don't love her. I can't. I vowed I'd never fall in love again. I don't want the pain of betrayal again. And I promised Kikyo I'd go to hell with her after I kill Naraku. I owe her that.' His heart felt torn in two. Everything was so confusing, and his feelings were all jumbled up. 'If Kagome had never come to this time, I wouldn't have to figure all this shit out! It would've been so easy to just do my duty to Kikyo. But would I have been happy? I want to know what all these emotions Kagome makes me feel are. What they mean. How to express them.' Out of frustration over basically arguing with himself, he punched the tree he currently occupied. 'Stupid wench, making me weak to human feelings.' Looking up he saw Sango making her way to the stream. Kagome was still crying, now sitting at the edge of the water, and it seemed she was just gazing into nothingness. His sensitive hearing picked up most of their conversation.

"Even if I loved Inuyasha, he could never love me back. He loves Kikyo, and I'm just her weak reincarnate. All he cares about is the Shikon no Tama. I'm just his shard detector, and when he's done with me he'll throw me down the well and go to her."

He winced inwardly at her words. 'Is that what she believes?' Again, that pesky voice inside his head reminded him, 'that's all you let her believe moron.' 'Shut-up, nobody asked you!' 'You're just talking to yourself dumbass!' 'Feh!' When Kagome and Sango started undressing, that was his cue to mosey on out of there.

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He arrived at camp to find Miroku sprawled on the ground, obviously out of it. All he could spot of Shippo was his tail sticking out of Kagome's bag. Lifting him by said appendage, Inuyasha pulled him from the monstrous pack and up to eye level.

"Hey runt, what happened to Miroku?"

"I dunno, I was telling him he shouldn't go to the stream with Kagome and Sango because he would get beat up, and he fainted."

"Why the hell would that make him faint?" Shippo just shrugged and started to unwrap the chocolate bar he dug to China and back to get. 'Fucking lecher, trying to spy on my Kagome.' Inuyasha involuntarily flexed his claws. 'My Kagome? What the hell am I thinking? She doesn't belong to me. I haven't claimed her. Hell, she would be disgusted by the thought anyway. When she's done searching for the Shikon shards, she'll probably go back to her time to be with that Hobo guy for good.' His ears drooped, 'Kagome deserves to be with a human, not some pitiful half-breed.'

With a mouthful of chocolate Shippo brought Inuyasha back to reality. "Earf voo Imuhasta!"

Inuyasha growled, "What the hell do you want?" His fists were balled at the sides, ready to hit Shippo over the head at any given time.

The kit swallowed and asked, "Ya know, if I wasn't here, Miroku would've peeked on the girls. Where were you when you should have been here, keeping him from leaving?"

"None of your business twerp!" Inuyasha scowled, hit Shippo on the head, and turned his back, folding his arms across his chest.

Shippo took a deep breath, rubbing his sore scalp. "Were you down by the stream? Did Kagome yell at you? Did Sango smack you? Why do women scream so much? When are they getting back? I'm hungry! Is Kagome..." And down went another victim of his tirade of questions.

Sango and Kagome walked back into camp to find Miroku and Inuyasha both passed out on the ground, with a very confused looking Shippo covered in chocolate.

"Kagome!" the Kitsune exclaimed and catapulted himself into her chest, leaving a new brown stain on her uniform top.

"Good morning Shippo," she greeted. "Um, what happened to Inuyasha and Miroku?"

"I dunno. Hey Kagome, can we eat breakfast now?"

"It looks like you found your own morning snack," she smirked, wiping some of the chocolate from the youkai child's face. His stomach growled in protest.

"OK, I guess we can have breakfast," she said, giggling at the all too innocent look on Shippo's face.

Kagome searched her bag until she pulled out some matches and sent Shippo to get some firewood. "Well, shall we try to wake the boys?"

"It seems so much more peaceful this way," replied Sango. Here serene expression turned to one of discomfort, then fury, as a familiar hand caressed her bottom.

xxTwitchxx

SMACK!

"Hentai!"

"Ah, good to see you too Sango-chan!" He rubbed his reddened cheek with a silly grin on his face.

Shippo returned with the firewood, so Kagome started a fire and began preparing breakfast. Inuyasha awoke to the smell of ramen and shook his head out of the stupor.

"Everybody, foods ready!"

The group took their seats around the fire as Kagome passed the bowls around. Her eyes met Inuyasha's for a brief moment, and she swore she saw a look of apology and guilt in their golden depths. He turned his gaze from her and proceeded to scarf his food. An uncomfortable silence fell upon the camp and Sango was the first to speak.

"So why were you guys unconscious when we came back from our bath?"

"Yeah, why did you..." Shippo was cut off by Miroku covering his mouth with his hand and Inuyasha bonking him on the head as they both cried in unison, "NO MORE QUESTIONS!"

Kagome and Sango looked at each other then back at the scene before them, and they both burst out laughing. The boys all froze at the sounds the girls were making and stared at them in horror. It wasn't until Kagome got a serious look on her face that everyone calmed, looking right at her.

Inuyasha, hoping for some action, asked, "What is it wench?"

"I sense a Shikon Shard, four of them, coming right at us."

Sango and Miroku both stood, grabbed their weapons, and prepared to fight. Inuyasha stepped in front of them all, drawing his sword and it transformed into the mighty fang. Shippo jumped into Kagome's arms and buried his face in her chest. She took a few steps back and waited for whatever was coming for them to arrive. A chill ran up her spine, it was something big.

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Within a hidden castle a young girl stands, holding out a magical mirror to the shadows. Upon it's surface shows an image portraying that of Inuyasha, kneeling beside a sleeping Kagome, as he wipes a single tear from her cheek.

'Inuyasha, you pathetic half-breed, your love for that human girl will be your undoing. And I will have fun toying with her as well. Ku ku ku.'

Red eyes appeared out of the darkness. "Kanna, you have done well. Now leave my chambers."

"Yes, Master Naraku." Without even blinking, the white-haired child turned to exit.

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Inuyasha was getting tired of standing around waiting, and turned to face Kagome. "Oi, wench, I thought you said..."

He was cut off as Kagome's eyes lit up and she screamed, "Inuyasha look out!" He turned, but too late, as a large black fist slammed into him and sent him flying back over the heads of the group. "Inuyasha!" She set Shippo down, turned, and ran to where he landed. "Inuyasha? Are you okay? Inuyasha?"

"Shut up! I'm fine! Now get the hell out of my way!" He pushed her out of the way, picked up Tetsusaiga that he dropped during his flight, and went running for the damn beast that hit him.

Kagome regained her balance and stood with her hands on her hips. 'Ugh! He is such an arrogant jerk! I was only worried about him.' She had been too preoccupied with the airborne hanyou to notice what it was they were fighting. The youkai reminded her of King Kong, which had been one of her favorite movies, but now she'd see it in a totally different view. It was no normal gorilla that was for sure. The monster had to be at least 20 feet tall, with three orange eyes, and way too many sharp teeth.

Sango threw her giant boomerang, but the youkai dodged it. The exterminator caught it swiftly, but before she could throw it again, the creature sent a ball of energy right at her. "Sango!" Miroku yelled as he dove to get her out of its path. He landed on top of her a few yards away, saving her from the shot. Realizing the position they were in, they both blushed and he rolled off of her.

"Um. thanks houshi-sama." Sango said turning to hide the blush still creeping up her face.

"Anything for a pretty lady," he replied, which deepened her blush until his hand found its way to her backside.

SMACK!

"Honestly! We're in the middle of a battle, you hentai!" With that she stomped back to get hiraikotsu.

In the meantime, Inuyasha was leaping in the air with Tetsusaiga. "Bastard! Say your fucking prayers!" With that he brought his sword down, aiming for the youkai's chest, but he was blocked and thrown, again, several feet through the air.

"Weak halfling, you think you can defeat me with that useless sword. Your power will never match that of my own! Now hand over the shards of Shikon and I will see to it that your deaths are quicker."

"What makes you think," he recovers from the fall, "that I would give YOU the shards! Eat this asshole!" Inuyasha brings the fang down and sends a wave of energy at the creature.

"KAZE NO KIZU!"

But when the dust and debris cleared, the youkai stood unscathed by the attack. "Fools! You cannot overcome me, Gariyuga, the mightiest of the ape tribe!"

'What the... he survived the Kaze no Kizu?' The group gaped at him, then back to Inuyasha.

"Kagome! Where are the shards?"

"Umm, there's three in his throat, but I can't see the fourth!"

"Good enough start for me!"

"Alright monkey-boy, you're starting to annoy me!" Inuyasha charges him again, this time aiming for Gariyuga's neck. However, he's prepared for the attack and catches Inuyasha in his mouth, slamming his jaws down on his body.

"Ahhhhhhhh!" Inuyasha screamed in pain and then his body went limp as the creature dropped him to the ground.

"Inuyasha!"

Gariyuga turned to Kagome, "Now human, give me the Shikon shards!" He began to reach down for her.

Sango threw hiraikotsu at the demon, hitting him in the back of the head, trying to keep his attention off Kagome. "Kirara, transform!" The firecat obeyed and ran up to her master. After climbing aboard she commanded, "go to Gariyuga!"

"You bitch! You'll die for that!" Gariyuga once again turned his attention to Sango in the air, and Miroku on the ground.

Seeing this as her opening, Kagome grabbed her bow and arrows and ran to where Inuyasha lay. 'Oh, Inuyasha, please be alive!' Upon reaching him, she gasped at the many wounds on his torso and the amount of blood on the ground around him.

"Inuyasha? Inuyasha, can you hear me? Please wake up!" She shook him lightly, as not to damage him anymore than he already was. When she got no reaction, she let her tears fall, and she hugged him whispering, "Inuyasha, please, I need you." Standing up, stringing an arrow into her bow, she decided it was up to her to finish this fight.

"Gariyuga!"

Sango caught her boomerang, which again the demon dodged, and both her and Miroku turned their gaze along with Gariyuga to Kagome. At this time, Inuyasha was trying to clear his head. He awoke to Kagome whispering in his ear and her tears falling upon his face. His body hurt like hell and he was losing a lot of blood. Kagome's shout caught his attention.

'Kagome.'

"If you want the shards, come and get them!"

"So brave little girl, but courage won't help you now." The youkai charged.

"This is for Inuyasha you bastard!" She let her arrow fly. 'Please hit, please hit, please. Yes!' It hit its target, the shikon fragment in his neck. There was an explosion of purple light, and an agonizing screaming coming from Gariyuga himself.

"Noooooo! This is not happening! I can't die!" His body dissolved into dust and blew away in the breeze, leaving three Shikon fragments behind. Picking them up, she was greeted by Shippo, Sango, Miroku, and Kirara, who all had questioning looks on their faces.

"What, guys?"

"Um, Kagome-chan, did you just call that demon a bastard?" Asked a bewildered Sango.

"I guess I did."

"Lady Kagome, perhaps you've been spending too much time with Inuyasha-sama," commented Miroku with a smirk.

"Oh my! Inuyasha!" Kagome ran back over to where he was now kind of sitting up and knelt beside him. 'He's alive, thank the gods.'

"Inuyasha, I'm so glad you're okay." She gave him one of her heartwarming smiles. "Maybe you shouldn't be moving around too much, you're hurt pretty badly."

"Feh, I'll be fine." 'She was crying again. I made her cry, I think. Yet there was something different. She was crying for me, like back with the spiders when I was human. Did I really hear her say she needed me? Or was I only dreaming?' Kagome embraced him again, startling him.

"Thank you Inuyasha, for coming back to me." She slightly blushed, but knew he couldn't see it with her hugging him.

Inuyasha, shocked, looked around quickly to see their companions had went to pack up camp. He blushed furiously. 'Hug her back!' his mind was screaming, but he couldn't show that kind of weakness. Gaining his composure, he pulled away from her.

"What are you talking about wench, I never left." He snarled and painfully got to his feet and made his way back to camp.

'Inuyasha, why can't you at least like me? Be nice to me for once. I thought I lost you, yet you still push me away.' Then a realization hit her, "Wait, I sensed four shards, yet I only collected three," she spoke to herself. Inuyasha's demon hearing picked up what she said, and he turned around to ask her where the hell the fourth shard was. His heart stopped for a moment as he heard her cry out, and fall to her knees.

"Kyaaaaa!" Kagome dropped to her knees, her hand gripping her torn side. She dropped her head and fell to the ground in what seemed slow motion, unconscious. The figure above her showed no emotion over felling this girl. He pulled his chain, and the slender curved blade returned back to his hand. Behind him stood Kagura, smirking at the onlookers as she stepped forward and picked up the girl. "Kagome!" Shippo burst into tears.

'Kagome, no.' Inuyasha cried out in anger, "Kagura! You let her go, you bitch!" He unsheathed Tetsusaiga, wincing at the pain in his arm, but ran towards Naraku's minions.

"Tsk, tsk, Inuyasha, you shouldn't even care for this girl. To do so shows weakness and will kill you someday." She pulled a feather from her hair. She and the boy mounted it, miko in hand, and flew away.

"Naraku you bastard! I will find you and kill you for taking Kagome! Do you hear me! I'll kill you!" Inuyasha put his sword back, and addressed the group, "We're going after her now, and we're not stopping until we get her back."

"Kagome! Kagome! Come back!" Miroku picked up the kitsune and got aboard Kirara along with Sango. 'Inuyasha-sama, you'd better get her back.' They set on their way to find their friend, following the injured hanyou.

'How could I have let this happen? Why did I not sense them? How could I have failed her? I will get you back, I promise. Be strong, Kagome, until we can get there.' Inuyasha's thoughts were perhaps more painful than his injuries. She was what drove him on, despite the gaping wounds.

'Kohaku. You're still alive... but Kagome. How could you, Kohaku?' Sango fell into her own thoughts as they traveled.

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(a/n) Woohoo! Tell me what you think!