InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ If You Only Knew ❯ Chapter 7 ( Chapter 7 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

If You Only Knew: Chapter 7

The smell of lilac and lavender wrapped itself around him like a shroud as Kagome got closer. He inhaled, relishing her sweet, lively scent. Nothing had changed with the use of the Shikon jewel. She hadn't been brought 'back' to life, for she had never truly died. 'Not like Kikyou.' He tried to understand his lack of emotion at her passing. He just felt relieved, like a huge weight was dropped off his shoulders. Guilt was another small, almost insignificant, feeling towards the situation. He was supposed to go to hell with her, as he had felt he owed her his life. However, he knew he had done his duty to protect her from Naraku. She no longer had to fight. But she had crossed the line in his heart, and therefore, he couldn't have, nor would he have, kept her death from coming. 'She tried to kill Kagome. . . she. . .she almost succeeded.' Inuyasha had decided then and there who mattered more, once the first arrow had hit. Finally, the battle within him had stopped and his heart one over his conscious. 'She's almost here.' He let himself smile as he descended from the tree. The sun had set a long time ago, and although he could see fine, he knew by her squinting that she was only going by the slim moon's light. His assumption was found true as she stumbled over an upraised root. Without much effort, he caught her mid-fall.

Kagome felt strong arms grip her waist as she tripped over something. She couldn't see due to the darkness, but she knew it was Inuyasha.

He put her on her feet and grinned at the blush staining her cheekbones. "You shouldn't be walking alone in the dark, especially if you're going to be a klutz."

She would have sat him, but she heard the teasing tone of his voice. "It doesn't matter, I know you'll always be there to protect me." His sudden downcast expression surprised her. "Inuyasha?"

"How can you still trust me to save you when I haven't been able to keep you out of danger?" His voice was angry, though at himself, not her.

She placed a hand upon his cheek. Smiling, "Inuyasha, don't blame yourself. I wouldn't be here if you hadn't come to my rescue. I trust you with my life, always. No matter what." He looked at her skeptically, so she gave him a quick peck on the cheek, whispering, "It's true. I never doubted you for a moment." Then she turned around, prepared to head back to the village. "Come on, Inuyasha, it's very late. I'm going to bed."

Inuyasha stood there for a moment, watching her walk away. 'Why does she believe in me so much?' Concluding he'd never understand her completely, he bounded after her. He made to pass her, but at the last second, snaked an arm around her and lifted her into his arms. "You're too slow." He smirked down at her startled expression.

"Inuyasha! I am not slow! Put me down!" Kagome struggled a bit, but realized it was pointless. With an exasperated sigh, she settled against him and let him carry her back to the village.

x0x

Sunlight filtered past her eyelids, piercing her sweet dream bubble. Kagome turned away from the window, trying to recapture the sleep, which held her fantasy. "Hmmm. . ." She sighed lazily but happily as she settled back into her warm sleeping bag. Her dream held the desires that her nightmares lacked. "Inuyasha. " A gentle smile crossed her lips, but her peace ended with Shippou's 'good morning, what's for breakfast?' pounce upon her stomach. "Shippou-chan!" She grumbled as she turned over and let him fall off her.

"Hey! Kagome! Wake up! You've been sleeping all day!" He whined.

She cracked one eye open to see Sango chuckling. "Have I really?" She eyed the kitsune.

He found his feet more interesting as he replied, "Well. . . no." Then he looked up at her, "But it seemed really, really long!"

Groaning she lifted herself, undoubtedly not going back to sleep, and got ready to start another day. Kaede wasn't there. 'Probably reburying Kikyou's bones.' Sango and Miroku were making small chat while she cleaned her boomerang. They sat closer than usual and Sango didn't seem to be on guard as she usually was. Something Miroku said made her laugh, and she looked happy. Everything was going right for the first time in a long time. 'Although, Inuyasha and I have yet to talk.' She searched her bag for ramen, but finding none, decided Shippou could settle for some granola bars. "Here Shippou, it's the best I can do for now." She handed them to him, and he took them greedily.

Looking around, it seemed Inuyasha wasn't anywhere to be seen. 'Maybe I can slip home for some supplies without him even noticing. Besides, I want to know where my family was that night.' Deciding it was worth a try, she slipped from the hut and made her way to the well.

Inuyasha watched her leave. 'So, she thought she'd sneak home, huh?' He followed her silently.

When Kagome got to the well, she sat on the ledge and took a quick look around. She didn't see Inuyasha watching her from the shade of a nearby tree. Without another thought, she jumped into the well. The familiar aura that normally enveloped her body didn't shine, however, and she hit the bottom. 'That was weird.' Gazing above her, she still saw the clear blue sky of Inuyasha's world. 'What?! How am I still here?' She started to panic. 'Why can't I get home?'

He saw her disappear into the well, only to reappear just as quickly. There had been no hues, no purple, blue, or pink colors. 'Oh gods. . .what have I done?' Kagome ran frantically back to the village seeking Kaede. 'What am I going to do now?' He followed her from a distance, wanting to see what Kaede says. 'That old woman! Always telling Kagome things before I can talk to her! Figures, and we still haven't talked about the blood thing.' He mentally shrugged and continued after her.

Out of breath, Kagome ran into the hut. Everyone looked at her in alarm, Miroku and Sango standing ready for any fight thrown at them. "Where's Kaede?"

"At the village burial grounds. Why? Kagome are you okay?" Sango walked over to her friend, who looked ready to faint. Before she could reach her, Kagome was already out the door. When she reached Kaede, she looked like hell. Tears had finally fallen down her red cheeks, and she was ready to pass out from worry and exhaustion. "Kaede!"

The old miko turned away from her prayers to face her, still kneeling upon the ground. Surprised at Kagome's disheveled appearance, she stood abruptly. "Child, what's wrong?"

Kagome dropped to the ground, on her knees, and tried to catch her breath. "I. . .I tried to go home. . . Kaede, the well doesn't work!" She broke into fresh tears. "I can't see my family! I can't go home." She looked at the elder hopefully. "Is there anything you can do?"

Kaede thought for a moment. 'This is due to the disappearance of the Shikon no Tama. Inuyasha and Kagome have not yet conversed and settled some loose ties. This is not good.' She sat back down in front of the young girl. "Have ye talked to Inuyasha?"

Kagome shook her head. "I do want to ask him about the healing and what happened the day Kikyou passed. There are so many things I need to confirm and know. I'm afraid to ask him, that he'll run from me or hate me for my feelings." She looked at her hands, which she was wringing nervously in her lap.

The others met up with them, worried about their friend's condition. Kagome turned her face to Sango, who reached out to her at the sight of her tear-streaked cheeks.

"What's happened?" Miroku asked.

"It seems that the well will not allow passage to her home time," Kaede explained.

"Oh, Kagome, I'm sorry," Sango wrapped her arms around her friend's shoulders.

Shippou bounded in between the two girls, grasping Kagome around her neck in a tight hug. He sniffed to see his surrogate mother in such distress. "It'll be okay Kagome. You have a home here. We all care about you. We'll be your family." Sango and Miroku nodded. Kaede bowed her head slightly but smiled.

Kagome kissed the top of his head and laughed a little. "Thank you, Shippou-chan." She sent appreciative glances to the others. "I care for all of you two. But my family will be so worried if I never return."

Kaede pondered for a moment, then addressed her, "Kagome, I believe I could open the rift of time." Her face lit up with relief, but then the woman continued. "However, it would only be enough for you to go back to your time. Just once, without returning."

'Just once? I couldn't come back. I'd never see my friends again. Sango, Miroku, Shippou. . . Inuyasha.' She wanted to release a whole new onslaught of tears. 'But if I don't, I wouldn't be able to see my family.'

Sango tried to comfort Kagome, but it seemed she needed time to herself, for she pulled away. "I need to think guys. Thank you, Kaede." They watched her leave silently, know somewhat of the battle she must be fighting in her heart.

Inuyasha heard Kaede's solution and his heart pounded with dread. He growled, wanting to tear apart something, anything. Kagome was going to leave forever, to go back to her old life. He took to the trees, fleeing, trying not to yell and scream at her. Trying to control his feelings. As he glided to his destination, thoughts plagued his mind that didn't disperse his anger. 'What about this world, this life? Didn't it mean anything to her? What about Sango, Miroku, Kaede, Shippou, and Kirara? Her friends, wouldn't she miss them? What the hell am I? Couldn't she stay for me?' He sat on a grassy field, looking out across a valley. 'She doesn't love me! I never should've made that wish.' His heart broke again, knowing he'd have to tell her his feelings before she'd leave, just so she wouldn't die. Then he'd spend forever without her, loving her but not having her. He made a sacrifice of his heart for her and she was going to leave him.

Tears blinded Kagome and her mind was spinning with questions but no answers. Her heart cried in indecision. Needless to say, she was a mess. Finding her way to the hilltop, she was surprised to see Inuyasha sitting by its edge. His silver hair lifted on the breeze and landed softly upon his shoulders, one strand dancing at a time. The sun basked his figure in a soft golden hue, much the same of his eyes.

He felt her coming, knew she'd join him any minute. He wanted to yell and scream at her. How could she leave him and never return? But, was it her fault? He hadn't really given her a reason to stay.

I can't fight this feeling any longer.

And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow

He turned to look at her. She'd been crying. He hated it when she cried. He wanted to run up and take her into his arms, but he held himself back.

What started out as friendship,

Has grown stronger.

I only wish I had the strength to let it show.

She came and sat near him, still not saying anything. He recognized the differences, how much she'd changed since he first met her. She was no longer a girl, but a woman. Her maturity showed in her stature, as well as her strength and courage. He'd never meant to fall in love with her. It just happened. Not because she looked like Kikyou, for they were two different people. There was just something about her he couldn't dismiss. She made eye contact with him briefly, but he turned his view back to the valley instead of her. 'Make her stay. . .'

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever.

"Use the Shikon no Tama to revive her into full immortality, so your wish to love her for eternity can be granted. With your love, set my spirit free, Inuyasha, as well as yours. But you must tell her you love her, or she will die of a broken heart by sunset tomorrow and my soul will be lost. Her greatest attribute will also be her weakness. Be honest and true to her and yourself and you will find yourselves forever happy."

I said there is no reason for my fear.

Cause I feel so secure when we're together.

You give my life direction,

You make everything so clear.

'She said she loved me before she lost consciousness, didn't she? I know she loves me. She accepts me as a hanyou. I trust her. Without her, I don't know where I'd go. . . I'd be lost.' He stole a glance at her. She was gazing sadly across the horizon, though she still looked heavenly in the sun's rays.

And even as I wander,

I'm keeping you in sight.

You're a candle in the window,

On a cold, dark winter's night.

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.

'I've found out so many things about myself, life and above all, love. It's been a long journey, but here I am. We defeated Naraku, the Shikon no Tama was completed. I value my demon blood as well as my human. How did she do that to me? She gave me the strength to fight. She was my reason for victory over every opponent. And no matter if I was down or wanted nothing to do with people, her smile and care would turn my world around. I thought my life would never amount to anything. I saw myself as a worthless half-breed. Now I have respect, friends, and it keeps coming back to it. . .love. All because she stepped into my life. I can't let her leave.' He looked at her again, catching her attention. He let his love filter through his gaze.

And I can't fight this feeling anymore.

I've forgotten what I started fighting for.

It's time to bring this ship into the shore,

And throw away the oars, forever.

'I don't want to hide anymore.'

"The well, it's. . ." Kagome started.

"I know," was all he said. She gave him a surprised look.

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.

I've forgotten what I started fighting for.

Inuyasha stood, offering her a hand to stand.

Kagome saw a look in his eye, gentle but pleading. 'What's going on?' She gasped as his arms came around her, pulling her in close.

And if I have to crawl upon the floor,

Come crashing through your door,

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

"Don't leave me, Kagome. Please." He whispered in her ear. It may have sounded like he was begging her to stay, and he was. He didn't care what she thought. 'She needs to know.'

Kagome was speechless. She couldn't believe her ears, but she'd heard it loud and clear.

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you.

"I couldn't bear to live without you here. At times in the past I wished I never met you, because you complicated my life. I wouldn't take back that time for anything now."

I've been running round in circles in my mind.

And it always seems that I'm following you, girl,

"I couldn't show you how I felt before. I denied it. My heart was supposed to belong to Kikyou. There was a constant battle between my heart and mind. I tried to get you out of my head, but you always returned to my thoughts. I found I didn't love her as I thought I did. It was the idea of love I guess. She never loved me for me. She needed someone to rescue her from her responsibilities and burden of the Shikon no Tama."

Cause you take me to the places,

That I'd known I'd never find.

"And then you come along, bringing me back from my concealment. You are so different. . . I'm in awe of you. You've shown me a whole other side of life. I know now it isn't always about fighting, or who's the most powerful or strongest. I know what makes a person special. You showed me that. You showed me how to have friends, how to care."

And even as I wander,

I'm keeping you in sight.

You're a candle in the window,

On a cold, dark winter's night.

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.

'Is he really saying all this? Or am I dreaming?' Kagome couldn't stand from the shock. She trembled against him. 'He's not supposed to do this. I was going to say good-bye, go back to my old life and family. But how can I deny my heart? I've wanted this all along.'

Inuyasha felt her tremble. He smelled fresh tears, but he only hugged her tighter. "Don't you see Kagome? I need you. I always have, and I always will. I've almost lost you so many times in the last days. I'm not letting you out of my life now. I can't let you go. I used my blood to heal you. I made that bond because I have to have you safe. I don't ever want to see you bleed. I would take all your pain just to see you smile. I will take any blow to keep you by my side."

And I can't fight this feeling anymore.

I've forgotten what I started fighting for.

It's time to bring this ship into the shore,

And throw away the oars, forever.

"When Kikyou hurt you, I wanted to kill her. Then you deflected her blows with your body. You put your life above mine. I couldn't believe someone would do that. . .for me." He pulled her chin up to look into her eyes. Taking a deep breath, he knew he had to get it all out now. "When I held you dying in my arms, I felt my chest explode. I begged the gods to have you back. Then. . .then, I was given that chance."

Kagome looked at him, unable to speak, unable to move, just trying to take this all in. 'That's right, he was acting so strange that day. He cried.'

"Midoriko, she spoke to me. She told me that your fate wasn't to die, that is was to be with me. Together, you and I reached Shikon. We achieved the four parts of the soul. Our souls were already bonded before I used my blood. You called out to me when Naraku had you. I touched your blood, and I. . . I felt your pain. We're meant to be together. Don't you see?"

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.

I've forgotten what I started fighting for.

"I had made a wish, and she granted it. It used the Shikon no Tama. That's why you can't go home."

"Did I. . .did I die? Did you use the jewel to bring me back?" Kagome swallowed hard.

Inuyasha shook his head. "No, you aren't weak."

Kagome wanted to check her hearing. He just said she wasn't weak?

"You held on for your life. You fought for me. My blood helped heal you and you fought. With my desire to have you well, holding you and. . . my tears falling upon your face." He searched her eyes for laughter or disapproval at the weakness of crying. 'Of course I wouldn't find any, only admiration and shock.' "It made you heal faster."

And if I have to crawl upon the floor,

Come crashing through your door,

Inuyasha dropped to his knees and hugged her waist. He was losing the battle with his emotions. Why they so readily showed themselves he didn't understand. "I will not let you leave. You are destined to be here with me. I can't let you slip through my fingers. Please don't leave."

Kagome knelt in front of him. He tried to hide his tears, but she wiped them away. "What did you wish for?" 'Oh Inuyasha! Make me stay!' She was going to burst if he didn't relieve the suspense of where this was going.

"I. . . Midoriko said we could set her spirit free. The jewel was purified by my intentions. You were given an eternal life." The sun was beginning to set.

"Tell her, Inuyasha, be true."

Only he heard the miko's voice, but it was enough encouragement.

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

Inuyasha stood, pulling her up with him. Kagome trembled still. 'An eternal life? Does he mean immortality?' She looked at him wide-eyed as she saw unmasked emotions in his beautiful golden orbs. 'Say it, please, I need to hear you say it.'

"Kagome, I know it's too late to ask, since it's already done. But, will you. . . stay here with me. I wished you to be by my side for eternity. I can't let you go. Any time you went home I missed you so badly, I can't have it be forever. My heart couldn't take it. I don't want to be apart even in death. It may have been selfish on my part, but. . . I couldn't help it." He squeezed her, afraid now to let go, afraid she'd run away from him. Afraid she'd hate him for all this. Even if she did, he had to finish. There was no avoiding it now. "I want you to be my mate. I want to love you for eternity. Midoriko has made that possible. Will you? Can you love me?" He looked at her with pleading eyes. She was sobbing practically. 'Oh, gods, she does hate me!' He started to let her go.

Kagome felt his hold loosen and grasped his hoari. "Inuyasha! Why. . . Why did it take so long for you to tell me?"

"I didn't think you'd accept it." He relaxed a little, slightly less on guard.

"Oh Inuyasha." She wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered, "If you only knew how long I've waited to hear you say it."

He wrapped a hand in her hair lightly, and not taking his gaze off her eyes, he asked, "When I thought you were dying, you said you loved me. Did you mean that?" He watched her expressions, looking for hesitation, but none at all presented itself.

"With all my heart. I love you, Inuyasha. I have for a long time. I just never thought you'd except it. You loved Kikyou, or so I thought."

"Stupid girl." He smiled, a genuine smile. Tracing her face with his finger. "And to think. . . I've loved you all along."

Kagome's eyes got really wide and exploded into tears. This time, he kissed them away. His lips moved down her cheekbone and met her lips shyly. She returned his kiss softly just as the sun was sinking below the horizon.