InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Iiya Motto Moshiyou (No More Words) ❯ Prelude: A Sea Of Distances ( Prologue )

Iiya Motto Moshiyou: No More Words

Prelude - Sea Of Distances

 

 

 

Vision without action is a daydream. Action with without vision is a nightmare.

—Japanese Proverb

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

He had almost forgotten the pleasantness of her face. To him she appeared just as beautiful as was Amaterasu, and all that he could do was to stare at her, as if in disbelief. Everything that he ever imagined her being in beauty, she had exceeded. He couldn't imagine it. There she was before him, humming happily as she lie in the field of wild flowers with a few other young women. All where lavishly dressed, and their garments spoke of tremendous wealth and power. Unimaginable… there she was, after all these years—the very image of power, and wealth… prosperity herself… He marveled openly. His heart ached to touch her, but all that he could do was to watch silently, hoping that she could not see him, as he kept his presence somewhat hidden from behind a bough of trees.

 

She was perfect. Everything about her. She was dressed in fine silk kimono, and she wore white tabi. Her hair was pulled into fine silver combs of pearls and jade, and her face was powdered a frosty white, and her lips where a deep red. She carried a parasol, and her obi was a bright emerald green. He could only stare, as he remembered how vast the differences between now, and then. Why did I ever lose her? He pondered, as he felt his sorrow overcome his astonishment. It didn't matter if she hadn't indeed become this beautiful. She had always been so admiring, so gentle, and caring. Her very nature was so loyal… and yet, why was she not enough then? What had he done?

 

Though his face showed nothing in his emotions, he was all inner turmoil, as he reminisced over the moments of the past… as he hated himself for throwing away THIS that was so near to him—yet so distanced. Could she ever come to him again? Could he ever seek her out, and risk his pried, and honor? Could he disgrace himself with revealing his want in her? Aa. There it was. Now he remembered. That was the reason why he rid himself of the girl in the first place—he could not cease the thoughts of her disgracing him. His own pride, and aristocratic vanity was what separated them. It was what tore her out of his arms—out of his grasp.

 

She undoubtedly hated him now. There was no use in assuming otherwise. She looked so content—so peaceful there. Well, it had been four years since he had told her to leave. It was natural that she should adjust. He would only wish it for her. But… not in the way that it had transpired. There was something wrong with the whole way that everything looked. She looked almost too content—and then he noticed. She was looking directly at him, though it was obvious in her facial expressions that she couldn't see him. The trees where still obstructing her vision from seeing him—but he knew it. She knew that he was there… and she was afraid.

 

His breathing stopped. Should he announce his presence? Should he allow her to see him? To see that he truly was there… that he now understood what it was that had torn them apart? That there now was perhaps a way to mend the tear? That she should return with him, and forget the filthy ningen village that she lived in? She SHOULD forget them… he thought to himself, seething that she had actually taken any pleasure in being away from him. HE had always protected her… what did she have to thank these lowly mortals for? They had nothing. THEY where not the ones that restored to her, her very LIFE! They could never be anything to her!

 

He saw her eyes become sad, and blurred. She wiped her nose, and sniffled. The other ladies by her side looked at her with concern, and silently she explained to them that she was not feeling well, and needed to be excused. Her pale hands trembled as she gently seized her scarlet parasol. She held it tipped over her shoulder, hiding the upper half of her body from the eyes of her friends, as she hung her head, and walked towards the path that led to the village, ashamed. Ashamed? But… why? Why should she be ashamed? She had done nothing shameful… had she?

 

He didn't hesitate, and the moment he saw her figure disappear behind the foliage, he took close follow, and appeared silently before her. Though she did not raise her head, that was lowered sadly, and shamefully, she did pause, and bowed as far as her obi would allow her. And she whispered through a pained voice… “…Ohayougozaimasu, Sesshoumaru-sama.” She said respectfully, as she tried her best to slip past him, but her attempt was to no avail, as he caught the sleeve of her kimono in his hand. “Rin, why are you afraid of this Sesshoumaru?” She quickly looked at him from the corner of her eye, but averted her gaze just as suddenly. “Yurushi, onegaiitashimasu!” She said, in a pleading voice, as she struggled to free herself nearly frantically from his grasp.

 

He was perplexed at her actions. His heart ached to know what was troubling her… and he could only assume that he was the cause of her uneasiness. “Rin! Listen! This Sesshoumaru has not come to bring you harm…!” He said, barely expressing the pain he himself felt. She had been broken that night… those four years ago. Nothing would ever be the same for her, and it saddened him. He could understand why she was rejecting him. After all, it is what he had done to her… all those years past. But… then again, what is really so long ago? Was four years all really that long? Aa. No, if was not the time itself, but it was the time separated from her that made the days turn into decades, and the years into centuries. They needed one another… and it had taken him this long to realize how much what was missing… was tearing him down.

 

 

 

…four years previously…

 

 

 

It took everything that he had to push her from him… but he knew that if he didn't, that he would take her. He couldn't risk that… couldn't—do what his Father had done. It would be a disgrace! A further tarnish on his line. She was something he both loved, and hated. She was his strength—and his weakness. With her, he could live. Without her, his heart would die. But, without her… his weakness and strength too would die. He would evolve into nothingness… his soul would be nothing more than a soul without a purpose—but, he could not take her… and if she where to remain with him any longer—he would. He would be unable to deny himself further. She was everything that he craved for. And she expressed to him her deep feelings… she had told him that she loved him… and now he could only clench his fists in heart wrenching pain, as he lowered his head. His eyes began to turn deadly crimson.

 

Tell the girl to run… tell her to run… run… run… leave now!

 

Where the only coherent thoughts in his mind as she shyly pressed her lips to his. He was torn. Either at that moment, she had to leave him forever… or he would be bound to her forever. He collapsed to his knees, his face holding an expression of pain, and turmoil… she looked at him with her wide, dark eyes, sparkling with fear, and bewilderment. “Sesshoumaru-sama! What is wrong—?” “—Rin… leave now!—don't ask any questions! Go! Never return!” He spat, through his gritted teeth, as he fought back his nature that was longing for her, with a stronger force than he had ever felt anything in his life. He hated her. Hated her for making him react in such a way! Hated her for being so weak that he could not resist the urge to take her—resist the inevitable fate that would tear away from him the one thing that mattered the most—the one thing that held his heart. Yes… he hated her with a passion.

 

Slowly he stood before her, and seized her confused, trembling body, and held his face merely a breath away from her. “Rin… leave now, or I will KILL YOU.” He spat venomously. She closed her eyes as tears rolled down her paled cheeks. Shaking her head slowly. Wanting—refusing to believe that this was happening! It was all a dream! Sesshoumaru-sama would keep her with him forever! But his claws where drawing blood from her skin. Puncturing through the frail fabric of her yukata, and delicate layers of her skin. She shook her shoulders violently, and stumbled backwards, as her tears blurred her vision. His eyes held nothing but hate, and contempt, and he had told her to leave… or… or—he would kill her. Her eyes flew shut as she stumbled backward a few steps. Looking back at him one last time, she turned and ran. She didn't care where she would end up. All is that mattered is that she forget him. The memory of him… and her heart broke.

 

* * *

 

She ran until her feet bled, and exhausted, she fell limply against a tree, one hand pressed to her chest, panting for breath. She slid down until she fell to the earthen floor of the forest. Her eyes drift close, as she thought of Sesshoumaru-sama. Nothing she had done could explain why he had reacted like that. Was there something offensive about her love, and admiration for him? Was it so disgraceful? “Aa, shikatanonai.” She cried to herself, as she thought just to herself how near impossible it was to place a finger on Sesshoumaru-sama's actions, or his so deeply concealed emotions. Sometimes… he didn't need to have a reason. He was Sesshoumaru. Lord Sesshoumaru—feared, and respected. Where HIS actions to be questioned? Never. It was intangible that anyone would dare such a fatal thing as that. Sesshoumaru-sama's honour was not to be piqued at.

 

She was the lowly, and unimportant ningen girl that had happened upon him one evening, and he had taken it as an experiment to wield his Father's ancient sword on her undeserving mortal body, and now—now he had told her to leave. She would return to her own kind perhaps… perhaps that is what she would do. She was unsure of anything, really. Nothing made enough sense to comprehend in her terror stricken mind. All she could concentrate on, where the faint sounds of feminine laughter, drifting gently through the trees, carried by the lazy summer zephyr of the twilight hours. She wasn't able to comprehend why exactly it was that she stood to seek out this melodious sound… but when she did, she was greeted with the sight of beautiful women dressed in their lavish attire. They had painted white faces, and looked very elegant as both of them where pulled in the jinrikisha. She wiped away a few tears from her eyes, and rubbed her reddened cheeks vigorously with the knuckles on her fists. Her stomach felt so empty… and her heart so numb… nothing mattered anymore.

 

She had to do what Sesshoumaru-sama wanted… there was nothing else to do. All the crying was over. She couldn't cry anymore. Her mind was in too much of a haze. She stepped out from behind the trees, and ran to the women in the jinrikisha, and waved her hands frantically. They looked at her confused, but told the man who drew the cart to wait. “Daijoubu desu ka?” one of the women asked, a slightly confused look on her face. The other woman simply looked at her worried. She bowed her head slightly, and shifted her feet uncomfortably. “Aa. Shiranai. Onegaiitashimasu… dokoira atashi gozen?” She asked, somewhat displeased at herself for the plead in her voice. Aa! Rin you are a fool! She scolded herself. The woman the farthest from her leaned forward, and said in a worried voice, “We are not too far from a village… doushite—why?” Rin looked down at her feet, uncertain of how to respond. “Mou… Rin has displeased her Lord, and her Lord sent her to leave. He said he would kill Rin if she did not run… so Rin is not here… and she is not certain of where here is!”

 

The two ladies looked at each other, confused, but they seemed to be pondering something between themselves. Rin again shifted nervously, and kicked her feet back in forth over a few pebbles that lie beneath her feet on the road. The women looked at her, and smiled. “Rin, wouldn't you like to come with us? Aki-san and I would be honoured to have you as our guest.” They said without hesitation. Rin felt her heart rate increase. This might be the only offer I ever get from another ningen… I will have to accept! “Rin would be honored to! Aki-san… and…?” “Oh! Heikeia-hime! Forgive me! I forget to introduce myself! Aki-san is my lady.” She finished, somewhat tying the loose ends of reasoning together somewhat. Rin's eyes widened. “Oh! Thank you Heikeia-hime! And Rin thanks you as well, Aki-san!”

 

“Don't wait for nothing!” The jinrikisha man chided her. A slight red tinge stained at her cheeks, and she followed instructions, and sat herself on the footboard of the rickshaw, and the somewhat agitated jinrikisha man once again continued in his trotting pace along the weathered path that would lead to the ningen village… and away from him… wherever he was… whatever he thought.

 

* * *

 

The jinrikisha was rather rough, and gave a good many jolts to the girl that was entirely beside herself. Nothing really made sense anymore. Her Lord had acted as if he—reciprocated her for a mere moment… but, that was silly—right…? It was an entirely odd reaction to gain from a demon Lord of such an age—giving even that much to a mere mortal girl of only ten and five years… preposterous. HOW COULD SHE EXPECT ANYTHING even remotely close to such a desirable reaction from her Lord—and accept it without question? …Perhaps it was because the answer was truly a simple one… she would accept, no—take—anything she could acquire from him with OPEN heart, and mind. That was the only way you COULD accept such a thing.

 

It was rare—almost rarer than a sighting of the gods. Almost rarer than the moment that she thought, for once—he could perhaps love her… as young as she was… as… mortal as she was. But… it was truly all a dream—an illusion, created by the mind to overshadow the way that things really where. The way that things would always be between him, and her. Dreams and Illusions could not make the reality disappear, any more than tears could wash it away. It was to be forever there… and now, her life would fade away into the void—time. Time was all she had to loose. Every moment was just that—another moment.

 

In another moment, her life would be over, and his would still be yet to have begun to stir. He was bound forever to his youth… and she to her mortality. To her humanness. It was something that neither of them could ever erase… and he did not want her any longer. The game she had been playing her life since the moment she met—no—laid eyes on him, was OVER. To never be revisited. He had threatened to kill her if she dared not to leave at that moment. It was within his rights to do… but, why should he? What purpose would taking her one, nearly nonexistent life serve? Pleasure? Pleasure from taking away a life that was given by him…? Could that be what he found as enjoyment?

 

No. He had told her to run. To go. She would never see him again. He would never seek after her again. Their days together had been numbered by the cruel, tormenting claws of the fates… and she was forced to live it out, to whatever extent her mortal body would allow the housing of her temporary soul. Her soul could be reborn again… at any given point in time after her death. Silently she prayed that for her, it might be like it was with the miko-girl… the—Ka-ka…. Kage---Ah! Kagome. If only her soul could live in a way like the soul of the Miko Kikyou did. All those years of troubles, tragedy, and unrest—only to finally tae revenge… to seek after her lover from beyond the grave—and finally be reborn to live everything as it was to be so again… where everything could go as it should. As it was meant to proceed.

 

Perhaps Lady Heikeia-hime, and Lady Aki-san where in truth where really the tendou, sent to her from the Gods… perhaps they where pitying of the poor mortal girl… the foolish girl that had loved her Lord… her—Youkai—DEMON—Lord. One that was said to be incapable of mercy, and love—both to incomparable standards, and heights. He was Sesshoumaru—Inu no Taishou… the feared… the respected… the honored… the—Immortal. She hated `immortal', almost more than she hated her mortality. It was everything that she herself could not be… but, then again—

 

Perhaps there was still a way with everything. After all… she was yet only ten and five… and she still held pray that there was while yet for her to live. Maybe… maybe the tendou knew a way for her to live… and perhaps… perhaps there was a way for her to find him again—find him, but never let him know. Watch him, but never let him see. Want him—but never have him. If this was all the way that she could touch him… through this invisible barrier, then—it was everything that she would ever need—ever want—ever desire—ever lust for. He WAS everything.

 

And then…

 

The jinrikisha man came to a halt… and she gazed upon the shiro for the first time in her life… and within the grand gates, sitting near a garden, she met him for the first time… and he was there… while he was not.

 

 

 

…then she was faced with the shame…

 

 

 

She was alone… and she was naïve. She was lonely, and he was there to comfort her. He was charming, and beautiful… she was distressed, and pretty. She was taken in as the daughter of a barren Hime… unwed, and unable to bear children. He was a powerful Daimyou Lord, wealthy, and pristine. He had everything he wanted… except her—something he was yet determined to take… and she was confused, and willing to give. She needed comfort, and he offered it. She needed warmth, and he embraced her. She needed attention, and he seduced her. She needed love, and he left her.

 

Her memories of the young Lord only served to haunt her. Nobody beyond herself could ever know. It was nothing lasting… it had only happened once. He had left her with the beginnings of his child… but he had directed her to kill it by the means of ancient potions. He had claimed that it would bring the Hime—her Mother, ruin… disgrace. Although… her Mother had done nearly the same… bedded several men… passionately, and many time over had taken with them in the throws of passion—sounding so clearly through the ancient walls of wood and stone of the shiro.

 

Every moment with him was like… sweet vinegar. It was pleasant, and then it was bitter. He had brought her many, many bitter tears. She should NOT have aborted of their unborn child. It would have been an heir to the line of Lady Heikeia-hime. If it was a male—it would have been required of HIM that he marry her, or face loss of honor, and death. It was a sin to impregnate a woman, who would give birth to a son without Father. Only dark, hideous things such as the demons kept it in such ill practice in such ways—believing that to reproduce was to bestow their gift to the female—allowing her a child to eventually care for her, in their absence, while they might lie with any other woman they pleased. Such things where nasty, dirty, foul, creatures to rid of.

 

He would have been forced by his OWN LAWS of the narrow-minded mortals to such ways. She herself preferred the demon traditions… if only Sesshoumaru would have given her his child… then she could be protected for always by one of HIS kind. But… Sesshoumaru would never do that. Sesshoumaru was honorable. Sesshoumaru believed in honor above all things. In fact… it was said in the shadows, of lurking rumor, that she had heard proclaimed by a passing hanyou that had certain connections to Youkai… that it was supposed Sesshoumaru very well could be still without loss of his own virginity. It was highly intriguing… that he saw none after all his centuries—none to be his equal—deserving of his body, not what it had to offer.

 

Or… it was also said… that he was supposed to have had a son, once before, but the child was hanyou, and he killed it. He could not permit the plain sign of dishonor that stained his reputation… but—she reminded herself… it was all nothing more than rumors spread far and wide… nothing more than `talk', passed on for the short lived, and pettish entertainment of the humans. The short lived ways of the mortals… and their repulsive antics that they followed.

 

Her Lord would never stoop as low as to bed in a human, now would he?!—but… then why was it that he seemed to needy—that once. She was certain that he had pulled away for fear of her young age… but, other words and actions from him had proved otherwise.

 

`—Rin… leave now!—don't ask any questions! Go! Never return!' it had been what he had commanded her… he had wished it among other things… `Rin… leave now, or I will KILL YOU.' He had wanted her to leave him. It could only have been—Oh Sesshoumaru! He had a child… and he had… killed it? Like she had done…? For what, for—honor? The one thing that had driven this entire dynasty to it's current stare of utter chaos, and futility? Samurai taking their OWN lives, simply for nothing more than HONOR?! Nothing more than HONOR was the horrendous reason behind the deaths, and the downfall of so many peoples, and villages?

 

She should have been stronger… but she couldn't help it. She was weak. She was weak because he had left her that way. He had Always been her strength… even when she was certain that he would never want to admit to such a thing… but, she was older… somewhat wiser—now that everything had already happened to her. There was no turning back. Of course… no one but she would ever know that she had lost her virginity. It was an impossible thing to tell, in truth.

 

Perhaps her Lord would be one to know. If it was at all possible to tell, he would be the first to know. But… that wasn't a concern. She would never see him again. He had told her never to return. Run… go… don't ask questions… go… and never return… those where the words that she found herself living by. Not a day passed that she didn't remember those last few words he had spoken to her. Perhaps someday in the far future, he would find something that made him perhaps recollect over the mortal girl he once traveled with… and perhaps maybe he would seek her out… only to find that she had died a hundred years before, but—he wouldn't have even noticed the difference in time—his progressed so much sooner. His lifespan was endless compared to the short, minute her existence spanned.

 

Everything was so meaningless anymore. She had killed her own child—a love child not to mention. An awful thing that the Father of her unborn child had decided it was best to return back to him shiro. A fatal mistake. Apparently there had been an assassinator lurking along the way for him. Someone who held jealousy for his involvement with her—Lady Rin-hime; daughter of Lady Heikeia-hime. She had unknowingly caught the eye of many a men, and was not scarce for suitors. There where guests nearly ever week, and all of them mysteriously where men… all claiming to love her more than words could express… but, that only arose to the thoughts of suspicion. Did not her Lady Heikeia have the most wealthy territories, and lands in Yashima? Toukaidou proved to be the most powerful empire in the dominion.

 

The amounts of attacks from youkai, and oni where decreasing steadily in the region… and Heikeia-sama was becoming increasingly powerful. Her army of samurai, and warriors was of a very intimidating number, all proven loyals—many bearing many battle scars, as mementos of their dedication to their Lady. The only men without some sort of battle acquired scar, or injury where the new, young men—mostly all sons of the already dedicated samurai, and warriors. It served as a family tradition to most of the men… but, it was becoming more of an honor. Without the fear of threats… the need for more warriors was seemingly scarce, and with the already exorbitant amounts of gold, and other means of pay for their honor, and dedication…

 

Yes… everything was becoming suspicious… conspicuous… and she was finding ways to become more stealthy with her observations. She was able to find out certain bits of information, simply from going places that others thought not to go, and from prodding areas that others dared not to venture. She had her ways… and Heikeia was very pleased with her choice of an heir. She had always known that she would in the end pass on her steadily building, and power craving empire to another not of her bloodline… but, she was certain, that Rin was the closest thing to her own blood she had ever known.

 

From that little child lost in the forest… from the ride on the floorboard of the jinrikisha. Now she was an elegant lady, refined in her mannerisms, and ways. The first thing to change was the self referations in third person. She was absolutely forbidden to call herself as such. Proper patterns of speech where taught, and she had been a quick learner in reading, and writing in the Kanji, and Kana. She seemed to have a rather precise memory; able to absorb things and almost never forget them… but the poor girl… it could very well be her downfall. She seemed to always speak of a `Lord Sesshoumaru', whom if she herself—Heikeia, knew anything… this Sesshoumaru-sama was none other than the son of the Inu no Taishou, Lord Touga. How this mere girl came in contact with such a monster as that Sesshoumaru proved to be… was a mystery. Rin didn't like to talk about what she thought of him much.

 

The only recollections that she shared where of the last few words he spoke to her, but no sense could really be made of them. It was said as if the demon Lord had almost been passionate in one minute, and deadly in the next—but that was the thing with youkai. They where always deadly. They where never to be underestimated… and certainly; if this was whom Rin spoke of—Lord Sesshoumaru-sama no less!

 

But… yes, the girl Rin was the epitome of feminine beauty. With the fine things that wealth provided her, and the etiquette, and refinement that she had been subjected to—any male of ANY relevance was attracted to her, in the most passionate of ways. And unfortunately, the married men where include among that, more so than not. Many a men had tried to woo her, but she would give them a sad smile, and refuse every time. It seemed as though the last time she had taken interest in a man, was shortly after she had been brought to the shiro, in the lands of Toukaidou. There was that young man—the very attractive one. He had a way with women, but he too seemed drawn to the girl. It was an interesting thought to surface over… what had truthfully conspired between the two… Rin and that young man Iehide, Akiie.

 

He was charming, handsome, and a skilled swordsman… as well as being a Daimyou Lord… a Shougun. He was rather ruthless beneath the surface, and had a wicked temper… but, Rin had fallen for him—or, perhaps it was her inexperience that made him so appealing? Rin had thought her secret had gone unnoticed… but all the maids, and servants knew of her loss of virginity at ten and six. She allowed herself to be taken by him, and he had given her his child—which he ordered be aborted. She had used a variety of different herbs, which she drunk in teas, and soaked of in a bath. One of the main ingredients being ginseng. And much to the girl's inexperience… some of the herbs she had been caught with where only used to rid a Mother of an illegitimate child, which led to the suspicion of the servants… who, saw their rightful duty as to inform their lady Heikeia of…

 

Her secret was know, but it was strictly forbidden to be mentioned by those that did know if such a thing. If it was found to have been mentioned, then, the one in responsibility in doing so was to promptly have their tongue cut out from their mouth. Scandal was looked over in every aspect, and then carefully manipulated, so that it would be in the girl Rin's favor. It would be ruin to have a secret spread while the girl was yet to have a husband… and to produce a future heir for their expanding empire.

 

The girl had become the center of attention in the ladies courts… and she had befriended three of them, especially. Hanako, Keiko, and the more sophisticated of the two being her closer friend, with whom she shared a great deal of her deepest thoughts, longings, and secrets with… Lady Takenara. They had not started out quite as pleasantly. Lady Takenara had found it to be most insulting that Lady Heikeia-hime would chose a lowly urchin girl as her heir, as opposed to she; herself. She was the refined lady of the court… long known for her elegant ways, wit, and refinement… and then comes the street urchin…

 

She had been most unwilling to call Rin as a lady, but… once said, and accepted… Takenara was taken by the girl, three years her junior, whom she had created quite a bond with—one not to be broken. Rin shared her thoughts on a daily basis as more of a ritual than else. It was a saddening thought to Rin, but… Takenara was soon to be wed to a young Lord from a separate island… far away, and supposedly somewhat unsettled and exotic. The people there where of a different race, or so it was said—and ate nearly anything. Something that Takenara herself would not allow, nor indulge in. It was a revolting thought in truth…

 

It was the final day perhaps that they would see each other, and all four of the ladies where content to enjoy the last few rays of the summer sun, before the soon approaching autumn would come, and turn the air to a chill. They all rested among the gardens, with their parasols, and their most elegant courtesan kimono, and their faces lightly powdered… lips painted slightly in the rose shade. Takenara had divulged to them all that she planned to overturn all of the culinary preferences there, at this new place she was to be lady over. Insisting upon the fact that there was something wrong with the thought of eating an octopus... especially after considering that the legs would undoubtedly stick to something internal… due to those nasty suctions…

 

She smiled as she listened through… her mind constantly fading through one realm to the next—the past, and the present. It was so hard to concentrate. Her lover had been killed, and her love had spoken of killing her. She had been saved on a whim to live a life of sorrows… of beautiful sorrows. What good could such fineries be to her without knowing that there would someday be one to love her… to treat her as though SHE where the finery…? Could she ever experience the joys, and the tears that Takenara would in only one day longer?

 

And then she could feel the hair on the back of her neck stand… there was an intense presence lurking about… watching her. A very powerful, commanding presence that wanted her attention in some way… a presence that could only be compared to that of—no. Things in that manor where impossible. He would never return for her. He did not express the same passion in her as she so blindly thought that there was—somewhere within his heart.

 

But who was she to judge the heart of one as great as he? She was nothing.

 

She felt herself become weak… her stomach became nothing more than thin paper, filled with butterflies. This feeling… of… being out of breath—in despair, and exhilarated… weak, yet strong—susceptible, yet resistant. Of hate, and of love, of need and of lust. It was everything for as long as she could remember. That was the overwhelming emotion that would always fill her at every moment… every moment when she was with him—Sesshoumaru. But… it was not possible… hadn't he made himself clear? And… even if he did come for her, in some way… she could never leave Toukaidou… not after all she had placed into this. THIS was her LIFE. Everything she had in the world was here.

 

Sesshoumaru had left her four years ago. Had left her all this time. She was only one year from her Twentieth year. She was a woman… she was elegant, and refined. She could no longer roam the countryside of Yashima following after the heels of a demon Lord…! She had her own people to care after… so command… to have follow after HER heels. She could never go back to Sesshoumaru… ever.

 

She excused herself. She could feel his golden eyes gazing into her very soul. What is it you see, Sesshoumaru-sama? She wondered to herself. Am I truly so despicable that you have to look this long to recognize it as me? Aa. A Dog never forgets a companion… but… have I really changed all that much, my Lord? Have I haunted your very thoughts like you have mine…? If only…

 

Her friends all expressed their deep concern for her health. As long as they had known her… her health had been so frail… she had been so weakened. Whatever her ailment… only Takenara knew for certain what it was that truly affected her… but, to all others, it was a puzzlement. Rin was beautiful, and strong mentally… but physically… though beautiful—she neglected herself. She would at times reuse to eat, nor drink… fasting for inconceivable lengths of time. She had attempted once before—and although it had never been a repeated occurrence—to take her own life.

 

They could only hope that this was not again another beginning of her deep depressions. It was so difficult to stir her from them, and with Takenara's soon departure… things might only become worse. They all watched in confusion, and worry as she walked back toward the Shiro. Perhaps she was feeling unwell? The girl needed to eat more. She was withering away to nothing right before their eyes… but, you could not force the future Hime of the Shiro to eat what she refused.

 

* * *

 

She knew that he wanted her to feel his presence. He wanted her to know where he was… and that he was watching her. She could feel him… and she did know that he was there… and he knew that as well. Perhaps if she could make it within the Shiro before he knew her intentions… then, he would leave, and not come within a distance where others might recognize his dark, powerful aura. He wouldn't attempt such foolish things. But… he could conceal his aura, if he chose… so then—why did he allow her to know? Perhaps he truly DID want her to know of him…

 

Perhaps he thought to come and steal her away from Toukaidou…? Well… she wouldn't allow it! He had wanted to kill her! She could not imagine anything good coming from an encounter with him. She hung her head in despair, and shame. If he ever was to find out that the girl that he had brought back from the dead had lost her virginity to a Shougun… he would kill her. Daimyou, and Shogun hated youkai with a passion… and she had lain with one. She had given herself to one. She had opened herself for one. Everything that was once pure about her was now ruined. Shame, and horror… sadness. Those where the only things she could feel in her body. She was entirely numb.

 

She felt a shift in the atmosphere, and shivered, trying to hurry her pace, to somewhat of a run. It was useless trying to escape him… but, perhaps she could make it to the gate before he found her—perhaps—

 

And there he stood before her… not the least difference since the last moment she had seen him… except… where she was certain that his arm had once been entirely missing… below the edge of his sleeve, she could see a few clawed fingers, clearly his own. So… he had recovered in her absence… it was only natural. He was a demon. He would be in a better position now, as opposed to where he was then. It had all changed. He had changed, she had changed. They never should look upon each other again… it only made things more difficult for her.

 

She dared not raise her shamefully, and sadly bowed head, and look him in his eyes—and she was no longer required to do such. She was no longer subject to him. She was of high status… a Hime. She could keep her head bowed as long as she saw fit—which was just as long as it would take for her to find a way past him, without having to acknowledge him any further—lest her heart tear to shreds…

 

She could feel his eyes searching her. He was… concerned? About what? It would definitely be a simpler thing to run from him. Though she did not raise her head, she did pause, and bowed as far as her obi would allow her. And she whispered through a pained voice… “…Ohayougozaimasu, Sesshoumaru-sama.” …respectfully, as she tried her best to slip past him, but her attempt was to no avail, as he caught the sleeve of her kimono in his hand. “Rin, why are you afraid of this Sesshoumaru?” She quickly looked at him from the corner of her eye, but averted her gaze just as suddenly. “Yurushi, onegaiitashimasu!” She said, in a pleading voice, as she struggled to free herself nearly frantically from his grasp.

 

Her heart was pounding frantically in her chest. She knew that she should have never looked at his eyes! The moment she did, she felt her heart ache… and her stomach became raw… breathing was painful, and labored. Her panic set in… No! No! I cannot let this happen! I cannot! She could feel that he seemed troubled… perplexed at her, but… what could she do? She was a lady… he had no rights to restrain her! It was tearing her apart… being so close to him… he had come for her… but she knew that it could never be. Everything he was, this defied. It would be his end, as well as hers. It would be a torment to both their souls if they where to once again try to mend the torn seams where their time had been cut.

 

She heard him breathing heavily, struggling with her, as she thrashed. He was trying so carefully to both restrain her, and cause her no fear, nor harm… but she could not help but be frightened. He had scared her to her heart… four years ago. The wounds of time where deep. Whether or not time could heal all wounds… it could very well take all of what time had to offer her, to heal the very wounds that she was suffering from.

 

He caught her with both his arms, and pulled her tightly to him, and looked down into her dark eyes that where pooled with tears. His heart ached for her… “Rin! Listen! This Sesshoumaru has not come to bring you harm…!” He said to her, barely expressing the pain he himself felt. She knew that he knew that she had been broken that night… those four years ago. Nothing would ever be the same for her. She knew in her heart that he could understand why she was rejecting him. After all, it is what he had done to her… all those years past. She knew that they needed one another… and it had taken her this long to realize how much what was missing… was tearing her down.

 

Through her dark, tear laced eyelashes, she looked up at him, and cried. Cried for all those moments she had been without him. Cried for all those moments that she had thought of what he had said to her… everyday for four long years… everyday that her heart ached to see him just once again… just once…

 

She collapsed against him, and he pulled her to him, embracing the one thing he had needed more than anything.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The End Of Prelude…

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

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Glossary:

 

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iiya motto moshiyou - no more words

 

ningen - human

 

ohayougozaimasu - good morning

 

yurushi, onegaiitashimasu! - please forgive me!

 

yukata - summer kimono (sometimes used as sleeping attire)

 

aa, shikatanonai! - it's no use!

 

jinrikisha - a cart used for transportation in asia, pulled by a man

 

daijoubu desu ka? - are you alright?

 

aa. shiranai. onegaiitashimasu… dokoira atashi gozen?

- yes. I don't know… please could you tell me where I am?

(Rin is very confused…)

 

youkai - ghost/apparition/specter

 

hanyou - half youkai

 

oni - demon

 

shiro - castle

 

toukaidou - in this case, toukaidou is the name of

Lady Heikeia's lands/empire… but, in reality it is the

REAL name of the ancient kyouto/edou highway ; )

 

 

 

 

 

Anything that I forgot that you want to know? E-mail me: shizuka.ishimaru@gmail.com ; )

 

 

 

 

 

A/N:

 

I want to thank all of you for reading this! I know… major drama! Haha! Oi… I poured the better part of a week into this chapter. I have ideas, and they come and go… although, for this fiction… I know EXACTLY where I am going with it! Haha! Writer's block will only come if I don't know how to phrase a sentence… or if I don't know what I want them to say… but, the story line is all figured!

 

So… let me know if this is something I should continue with! ; )

 

Loves ya!

 

—S. I.

 

 

 

 

2005. 09. 30 - 7,087 Words