InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Impurity of Selfishness ❯ I Am Everything Inside of You that You Fear ( Chapter 16 )

Hey everyone- I'm back. I meant to have this up sooner but one of my computer's hard drive failed on me- not the one that I have mainly been using but still… so I have been busy. Also, I'm sorry that I began writing a Labyrinth fic, but I just saw it last week and I wanted to write something that wasn't an epic.

Notes for changes from last chapter:

-about glass houses- I was having a brain dead moment and I mixed up two different sayings and combined them. Who am I, Aino Minako from Sailor Moon? I combined the sayings “those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones” and “good fences make good neighbors.” I knew it sounded wrong, but I went back and fixed it.

-about Monty Python and the dead parrot sketch- I thought that it might be funny if I put in a little more of the actual words. If you want, you can change the words to be about Kikyo- that's fun. <evil grin> but anyway…

A guy brings in a parrot that he had bought that day and insists the parrot is dead. The owner says that the parrot is just resting. After some dialogue, the customer starts screaming at the parrot and banging it on the counter because he knows that it's dead. Here's part of the outburst from the customer that follows. “That parrot is definitely deceased; it's bleeding demised… No, it's not pining; it's passed on! It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot! It's a stiff, bereft of life and it rests in peace!”

 

Notes about this chapter:

This chapter will be in third person like last chapter- I just don't want to write it from any one person's perspective. Pt 18 should be back to Kagome's POV when she is involved. Also, thank you's will be moved to the end of the chapter just so you can get to the story this time.

 

Previously on Impurity of Selfishness:

Realization dawns on Sango and she rubs her forehead. “Yes, you always have that look on your face and more than that, you never apologize for such behavior. I'm the one who's sorry. I jumped to conclusions… but I just don't know what happened… Miroku-sama. Oh what happened between Inuyasha and Kagome- I guess we should give them some time to talk.”

 

Pt 17- I am everything inside of you that you fear…

“The sea reflects the sky like your eyes reflect mine, but just as the sea holds things of which the sky can never dream, I am everything inside of you that you fear…”

-KRH, it's a cross between a quote and a paraphrase. I had the original on the computer whose hard drive decided to go into meltdown!

 

Miroku nods to Sango and gestures to a couple of decently-sized rocks that are resting a few feet away. “Sango, shall we sit here and talk this over? I agree that we should give Inuyasha and Kagome-sama some time to talk but I believe that we need to converse as well. Would you not agree with that assessment?” He sits down with a sigh and looks longingly at the beautiful woman now sitting opposite him. At the same time, Shippo and Kirara follow them and curl up nearby.

 

In response, Sango examines her hands and begins to nervously twiddle her thumbs. After a moment, she nods and takes a deep breath. “Yes, houshi-sama, you're right. We need to talk.”

 

He shakes his head again. “Please, Sango, please call me Miroku. You seem so far away when you call me houshi-sama, almost as if we aren't friends at all.” She doesn't respond. “Oh, Sango, I'm sorry for what happened tonight, but I honestly had no intention of having that happen. Please… I can't let this ruin our relationship… I just can't. You explained the situation to me and I wanted so much to treat you with respect- to show you that I understand. I wanted to prove it to you and now…” He sighs and looks away. “Oh please forgive me, Sango. I'm incredibly sorry- you'll never know how much.”

 

“Houshi-sa… uh, Miroku-sama, I told you. I jumped to conclusions and that was wrong of me. You never apologize…” She shakes her head. “I believe you, Miroku-sama. It was an honest mistake- it must've been… No, it is I who must beg your forgiveness.”

 

“But, Sango, there was nothing to forgive.” He smiles and pauses to watch her eyes widen as she looks at the ground. “How about this- we call this even and will both be careful. I will respect you and you can work on jumping to conclusions, perhaps?” Miroku has an impish smile on his face when Sango lifts her eyes to his. With a covered glace towards the area where Inuyasha and Kagome are, he raises his eyebrows. “Hey, let's work together!” He winks. “Let's spy on them and see what's going on with them.”

 

Sango narrows her eyes and purses her lips. “No! That's stupid. That's none of your business and I will not let you do it!”

 

“Aww, come on, Sango? Please?” She gives him a look that says try-that-and-you-will-be-in-pain. He nods and sighs- they end up at an impasse.

 

 

Previously with Inuyasha and Kagome:

He breaks the kiss and pulls her into the protective circle of his strong arms. “Oh Kagome, why did you have to be you? But you don't… no, not here, not for you… not me. Dear Kagome, you deserve better, much better than me…. so I want to remember us this way, Kagome.” At these words, she catches her breath and tries very hard not to burst into tears. After such warmth and wonderful feelings, he unknowingly throws a bucket of ice water over her heart, freezing the flowing life force in her veins. Her instincts take over as she pulls him closer and closer.

 

Kagome lowers her gaze slightly and examines the prayer bead necklace. She unwinds one of her arms from around Inuyasha's waist to play with the entrancing, purple spheres. Inuyasha sighs and looks past her, but pulls Kagome back to his chest. Though he cannot see it, the reflection of light in her eyes turns yellow and the pupils of her eyes quickly dilate. Adrenaline begins pumping through their veins as they hear the quick pulsing of each others' hearts. The young miko lets out the breath that she had been holding and nods.

 

Seeing the movement of her head, Inuyasha thinks that she understands what he is trying to say. “Thank you, Kagome. I don't deserve even this, but please let me remember…” Kagome slowly runs her fingers through his silken hair and reaches up to massage his sensitive white ears. In response, Inuyasha purrs in contentment and pushes up Kagome's chin with his index finger. Slowly, he begins to bring his face to hers once more. “Kagome, I want you to know that I…”

 

Kagome cuts him off by pressing her lips to his with a searing kiss. They wrap their arms around each other and hold each other tight. Their fervent kisses become more and more heated. Behind Inuyasha's back, there is a glowing gold light around Kagome's fingers. A split-second later, she roughly pushes him away and holds up deadly golden fingernails to his throat.

 

 

At that moment, Kagome holds power-lengthened fingernails at Inuyasha's throat, but she is unable to strike. Instead of being the attacker, she now becomes the victim as pictures of everything that she has done to Inuyasha that she could not remember now come rushing back to her in an amazing deluge. Unable to share her mind with another, Kagome fights openly with Kikyo. As a result, her body falls with a plop to the ground and both Kikyo and Kagome's spirits rise from the body that they had shared. Inuyasha, newly released from the grasp of the young woman, stares in shock at the scene before him from the patch of grass where he had fallen. His eyes are glazed over and he feels nothing and so the women converse practically in private.

 

The slightly transparent image of Kikyo narrows her dark eyes accusingly at Kagome. “You have fought well, but I am disappointed that you could not figure out what was happening to you, sometime before now. After all, it is said that you are my reincarnation, but I sometimes beg to differ- your powers are so weak. Ah, these things were not your doing, but there have been other things that have been and always shall be… your fault. Perhaps finally you shall see the truth and nothing but the truth from which you love to run whenever the opportunity arises.” Kagome gives the elegant woman a confused and hurt glance. “Even now, you have no idea what you have done. Do you know yourself so little? Goodness, even I know you better… even during those times when you shielded me from influencing your actions. Well… Kagome, since we are finally here in this time of confrontation, I shall show you what you refuse to see- that which lies deep within in your heart.”

 

Kikyo claps her spirit hands, but no sound is heard. The silence echoes on until she breaks it. “Let's see, where shall we start, my dear?” Kikyo places sickening emphasis on the last word that makes the woman's hatred of Kagome crystal clear. “You have confused Inuyasha with your intentions and made him absurdly think that he has fallen in love with you.” She lightly laughs and Kagome narrows her eyes. After a moment of gaiety, Kikyo suddenly turns angry and serious in a swift change that shocks Kagome into forgetting her every thought. “Kagome, you should have known better and just left Inuyasha to me instead of trying to make him into something that he simply is not and never will be, regardless of the situation. Silly young girl lost in a time that is not your own- this is his time; this is where he belongs- not with you, not in your world. You confuse him- oh and please enlighten me because I have been wondering, so I shall be nothing but frank. How do you sleep at night?”

 

Her cruel smile becomes more mocking with each word that she speaks. “As if that torture is not enough, you also meddle in the lives of Miroku and Sango. You annoy them and get in the way. No, you do not know, do you?” The dead spirit shakes her head. “Now, because of you and your reckless actions, everything has become so complicated. Your pretty friend Sango will not even think about a romantic relationship because she has to get revenge on Naraku- and now she travels with you, because you broke the Shikon no Tama. If you had not broken it- if you had been stronger… yes you see where I am going, do you not, little girl? These extenuating circumstances only get in the way of Miroku and Sango's love for each other. As for Inuyasha, he wants his revenge on Naraku and if you hadn't broken the Shikon no Tama, he would not be nearly so powerful! Besides that, he cannot move on- he cannot be with me, nor can he fully give himself to you! Do you not see? Your friends are all cleaning up your mess for you! Your lack of ability puts them in danger. In the meantime, you have been compromised and kept them from fighting as well as they could have- all because they were worried about you and your precious safety!”

 

Kikyo rolls her eyes and Kagome continues to stare in frightened disbelief. “Oh I am leaving one out; I am. As for Shippo the orphaned kitsune youkai cub, you are too busy cuckolding him to allow him to get his own strength and grow up! If you let him test his strength in battle every now and again, he would become stronger and not be constantly leaping to your shoulder every five seconds as he has a tendency to do. He adores you, but his love for you makes him grow soft as do the feelings you started in Inuyasha.”

 

She softly laughs as Kagome looks on in horror. “Yes we move back to the main issue between us, do we not, girl- we return to our mutual love of Inuyasha.” She gestures to the shocked half inuyoukai sitting a few feet away from her. Kagome looks longingly at him and more fully remembers her true feelings for him. At the same time, Inuyasha stares off into space and does not seem to pay much attention to either of them. In response, Kagome's eyes glisten and grow luminous, an action that is not at all lost upon Kikyo.

 

“Ok, Kagome.” A cruel smile plays upon the dead woman's face, but Kagome has no options to fight back. “How would you feel if Inuyasha used the Shikon no Tama to be a full youkai, or almost a true youkai. Please, you can tell me,” she whispers conspiratorially. “How would you feel? Would you be honestly happy for him that he achieved his lifelong dream?” Kagome looks down and says nothing. Kikyo continues relentlessly, “Can you offer him that chance of a lifetime?” Kagome looks up in wonder as Kikyo admits the truth. “Yes, my dim-witted reincarnation, as you have undoubtedly surmised, I can grant that wish.” She raises Naraku's huge Shikon no Kakera from the pocket of the still body below them. “This possesses enough power to fulfill his dreams. So, I have done this for him- forgive me for being blunt with you once more, but what can you do to help him besides search for Shikon no Kakera?”

 

Kagome's eyes narrow further and she crosses her arms in stubborn frustration, but still, she manages not to respond. Kikyo notices this with glee. “Kagome, do not blame me- this was what you wanted- deep down within your heart. Can you not see it- we are one, you and I. You know this to be true… as I do from being inside your mind. You think that you love him more truly than I do… but if you love him, explain your dreaming heart to him. He is right there and he will listen! If you love him, explain your selfish desire for him to drop everything and follow you and your dreams. If you love him, why don't you love his deep and most desperate dream? In your darkest moments, you, Higurashi Kagome, have thought about me with ever-growing hatred and you cannot deny that you have thought about me with pleasant dreams of shoving me back into hell- even before the day that I first tried to kill you. You are only a silly child after all… You see, dear, I know that I can hate and I do hate you, although you are part of me. I do not try to run from what I truly am, unlike you. I, Kagome, am everything inside of you that you fear.”

 

After Kikyo's frightening declaration, Inuyasha wakes up from his trance and stupor and stares at the tense scene before him. Nearby, Miroku and Sango hear the yelling and have come to investigate. As they step into the clearing with sudden bursts of curiosity and worry in their eyes, Kagome's inner distress finally breaks her outward defenses and tears start bitterly making their ways down her red face.

 

The tears come faster and faster, but each person is frozen in his or her position and so no one comes to help her wipe the salty manifestations of fear away. She hates to break down in front of everyone, but she feels that she has no choice and that she can't stand the pain any longer. Kikyo's taunts cut deep, much deeper than she had wished, but no deeper than she allowed. With one last despairing glance at Inuyasha, she shakes her head and gives up to Kikyo. Words of apology come out of her mouth to attempt to explain her dilemma to her waiting and worried friends. “Oh, minna… I'm sorry that I was so selfish- I tried to block the truth, but she's correct. I've truly ruined everything- everything that mattered.” She glances at Inuyasha sadly. “Inuyasha, if I had loved you purely, I would've done better, but instead I only exacerbated the problem.”

 

She now looks to Miroku and Sango. “I broke the Shikon no Tama and now you're forced to clean up the mess that I made… and you will not give thoughts to your own love or happiness because of it.” At that moment, Shippo and Kirara sleepily appear and also begin to stare. Kagome looks on them with love and sadness. Shippo begins to runs towards her, but she stops him with a gentle but firm hand gesture. “Oh no, not now. I must stop pampering you and allow you to grow stronger. I hold you back, my dear Shippo- as I do everyone.” Shippo tries to argue, but his protests are drowned out by Kagome's next words.

 

Her eyes are dark, cold and full of sharp, biting pain. Still, she manages to speak. “Oh, my wonderful friends… you've been my joy. I hope that someday you will be able to… Yes maybe… that you will please forgive me for my apparent weaknesses. Never think that I don't love you because I love you all and treasure the memories that we have created together more than you can ever, ever know. But as such, you can all be happier now because I must leave you and relieve you of this burden, relieve you of me. Then I will not mess things up anymore.”

 

They try to shake their heads, but the young woman blindly forges ahead. “No matter how much I love all of you and how much I want to see you all, especially you, Inuyasha, I can't cause you pain with a clear conscious. Please be happy and remember the good times that we shared together. True, true, it may only be the past, but it was real and special. Perhaps we will meet again one day. Farewell.” With an embarrassed wave goodbye, Kagome's spirit begins to fade before them, rushes back into her body but she does not awaken.

 

 

Ok now I know that this was a weird chapter and you hate me with a passion for what I've done to Kagome. You must be thinking… she is sooo much stronger than that. Yes, I happen to agree, but if you will be patient, I have given a large explanation for this at the beginning of the next chapter, so go check it out when I put it up, alright? Just give me a chance!

 

That's it for part 17- not as long as I had hoped, but oh well. Sorry it took so long, everyone. Part 18 should be up soon- it's title is not exciting yet and it may never be, so I won't reveal it. I must admit that I am anxious to finish this one off- it is turning out great but I am so close- you know? Hey I know I will be editing it because I am bad about going back and editing… anyway… Please review… please, please, please- I'll never know you read it if you don't. <pout>

 

Shoutouts:

Classic Cowboy- Sorry I snuck up on you… please don't bang your head on the wall- it'll wake the Dursley's! ^_^ Next part of this one or the other should be up soon!

Angelstars- Yeah sorry about that evil cliffhanger- I had planned it forever ago and I thought it would be good for dramatic reasons if I continued as planned. Sorry the update took forever and a day. Hopefully this one was somewhat worth it.

Lachesis- Cool name, might I say? Thank you for your encouragement and compliment- I am so pleased that you are looking forward to the rapidly coming conclusion- only a few chapters left!

DiLLiRgA- Goosebumps? Wow, cool. Yeah it was an evil place to leave off. I don't know if this is as good as I wanted it to be but I wanted so badly to go ahead and get it up. I had made everyone wait long enough.

 

Review; review; review- to those who don't know, I am very, very influenced and inspired by reviews. Ok no begging from me… I'll be back soon… je reviendrai!!!