InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ In a Different Light ❯ Ritual pt 1 ( Chapter 4 )

In a Different Light

Chapter 4: Ritual pt 1

Rin began the next morning the same way she began most mornings since she was thirteen. She woke just before sunrise and braided her hair into one, long plait over her left shoulder. She then tiptoed past Ah-Un and Jakken and changed into her training uniform-a pale blue tunic with a mandarin collar and matching loose-fitting pants. Her lord was nowhere in sight, so she assumed he was out hunting for his morning meal; he never ate with the rest of them. Rin, for her part, would go fishing after her morning routine and share her catch with Ah-Un and the unpleasant, little imp.

As she journeyed down the woodland path, she felt genuinely grateful that her lord had taken the time and consideration to heal her ankle with Tenseiga. There had been a small break in one of the bones, and if he hadn't been there, she would've been off her feet for at least two weeks to recuperate . . . Just thinking about it made her uneasy. She liked her freedom; she liked to move about. To run and jump, to saunter and stroll, to stretch and bend and lunge. She enjoyed activity, and to be confined or restricted in any way, shape or form was just . . . unbearable. She could, or rather, had learned to tolerate it for five days out of the month, but for weeks at a time? She'd go stark-raving mad.

She simply wasn't the type to sit still.

She pushed past some low-lying branches and broke through into a clearing on the outskirts of the forest. It was grassy and quiet, and most importantly, flat. She walked over to the clearing's edge and glanced down into a vast chasm below her. Above her, the sky began to take on a slightly yellowy-orangish tinge, signifying the beginning of sunrise. There was a brisk chill in the early morning air, but once she began her exercises, she knew she'd find the breeze more invigorating than uncomfortable.

She began in Mountain Pose. Head high, feet together, spine straight, shoulders back, eyes forward, and her arms hanging loosely, but closely to her sides. Muscles relaxed, breathing even-in and out through the nose-lips slightly parted . . . Now, Rin, just be still. You've done this thousands of times before and today is no different.

Despite its simplicity, Mountain Pose had been the most difficult pose for her to master. According to Master Sumida it promoted the experience of stillness, strength, relaxed power, and the immovable stability associated with mountains. And Rin was none of those things. It went against her entire rambunctious nature . . . But it was the beginning posture, and before she could move onto the more advanced poses Master Sumida demanded that she learn this one.

She breathed in through her nose and out again.

Master Sumida was a yogi master from Tibet. She was a seiyuuki youkai (monkey demon) Lord Sesshomaru had hired to school Rin in the ways of power, discipline and meditation. After the scalding incident with Jakken, her lord had decided she needed a more constructive outlet for her anger and frustration.

"Toad youkai are particularly susceptible to heat and fire," Sesshomaru had told her. "You could have killed him, Rin. Is that what you wish?"

"No." She'd tried to sound as contrite as possible. She hadn't wished for his death; she'd wished he didn't put onions in her soup.

She drew in another breath and pushed it out.

But that had been the beginning of her yoga training. And she'd hated it. The first time Master Sumida demonstrated some of the poses for her, she'd laughed. Her lord had said this was supposed to be a challenge; she was just standing there and bending. How hard could it be to stand and bend?

Very, she learned when she first attempted one of the beginning postures-Tree Pose. It looked very simple. You put your hands above your head in Temple Hands, while balancing on one foot, the sole of the other foot resting against the knee of the standing leg . . . It was simply a matter of balance. And as Rin had hopped around on one foot several times in her life, how hard could this Tree Pose be?

Very. She toppled over on every attempt. "So, balance isn't my thing," she'd told Master Sumida.

"Yoga will be very difficult without balance," Master Sumida had told her.

The first rays of the sun began to make themselves known, so Rin decided to welcome them, as she had done in the past, with the Sun Salutation. The Sun Salutation incorporated twelve separate postures into one fluid combination. It required strength, balance, flexibility, and a certain amount of grace.

From Mountain Pose she lifted her hands into prayer position at chest level. She then drew in a deep breath, swinging her hands upwards, reaching her fingertips to the sky, then bending slightly backwards. Exhaling, she leaned forward to stretch her lower back, pressing her palms flat against the green grass below into the Standing Forward Pose. She then pushed her left leg back and away from her, arching her back, her face skyward, her muscles stretching. Soon, her right leg joined her left; she straightened her back and focused her eyes on the ground, her body's weight supported by her arms and the top pads of her feet. This was known as Plank position. From there she lowered her knees, then her chest and lastly, her forehead, keeping her hips up and toes curled under her-Four-Limbed Staff Pose. Inhaling, she pushed her hips to the ground, arched her back, and lifted her chin skyward, while pointing her toes, assuming the Upward Facing Dog Pose.

Exhaling, she curled her toes under her and raised her hips, forming an inverted "V." Pushing her heels back and her head and shoulders down, she settled into Downward Facing Dog. Inhaling, she stepped forward, placing her right foot between her hands, arching her back, her head again facing skywards. She then exhaled, pulled her left leg forward, and bent at her waist, placing her palms flat against the ground once again in the Standing Forward Bend. From there, she reached her hands forward, then stretched backwards, inhaling. The Sun Salutation ended in Mountain Pose.

* * *

"I know you don't like me, Rin. You've been trying to chase me away since our second lesson together."

It was her sixth lesson with Master Sumida, and, having grown bored with her lessons and frustrated at her own failure, Rin had decided the Master needed to go.

"So, tell me," the Master said, "what is it you don't like about me?"

She was powerful, elegant and graceful. She was beautiful, calm and reserved. She could sit for hours on end and do absolutely nothing and still look like she was having the time of her life. She had sleek black hair, a clear bronze-like complexion and brilliant black eyes that reflected everything, but showed nothing . . . Master Sumida was the perfect complement to her Lord Sesshomaru, and Rin was deathly afraid of being replaced.

"Well?" she prompted her.

She glared at her in reply. She was giving her instructor the silent treatment and refused to follow any more of her directions. She was just going to sit on the floor of the dojo and sulk until Master Sumida got tired of talking to herself and went back to wherever it was she came from.

The Master sighed and crouched down in front of her. "Rin, you are by far, the worst student I've ever had. You can't handle the simplest of poses. You get mad when I try to correct your mistakes. You can't even pretend to be polite to me, and now you're just refusing to do anything."

She scowled at her, then looked away.

Master Sumida stood; she wore a black training uniform, similar to Rin's pale blue one. "You know what I think, Rin? I think you're weak, you're worthless and you're overly willful. You're clumsy, you're oafish, and self-important. You are the lowest of the low, the dumbest of the dumb and the dullest of the dull . . . You are a human female, and your life means absolutely nothing to anyone . . . No one cares what you do. No one cares what you think. And no one would notice if you were to disappear entirely from the face of the earth."

Rin bit her lower lip and fought back tears. Just because she was so perfect didn't give her any right to make her feel so bad . . . Didn't she have it hard enough already?

"You know the problem with females, Rin? They're weak, overly emotional and irrational. They're completely lacking in self-control and self-discipline, and that's what makes them such a nuisance. They think the world should bend to their whims when it is they who should bend to the whims of the world. It's the only way."

A single tear slipped down her cheek, and she immediately wiped it away.

"Why did you do that?" Master Sumida asked. "Wipe that tear away? What are you so afraid of? I already know how weak, overly emotional and irrational you are. Why try to hide it?"

"I'm better than that," she'd muttered.

"Are you?" the Master asked.

At that point she'd lost complete control and launched herself at Master Sumida's legs, bringing them both down to the dojo floor.

"Feel better now?" the Master asked calmly.

"You bitch!" Rin screamed. "Who do you think you are coming into my house, making me look bad, making me feel stupid! He'll make you leave," she insisted. "I'll tell him how much I hate you, and he'll make you leave . . . He'd do anything for me. I am not stupid! I am not worthless! And I am not . . . dull!"

Master Sumida smiled. "No, you're not. So why are you acting that way?"

Rin sobered.

The Master gently pushed her away from her and sat up. "The world despises weakness, Rin. Physical weakness, emotional frailty, mental instability . . . And, unfortunately, the world looks upon us-upon females in general, and human females in specific-as carriers of all three."

"I can't help it," Rin said. "I'm not a warrior."

She smiled to herself. "Nobody's asking you to be a warrior, Rin. Just . . . be a better representative for your species, for your gender."

Rin scoffed.

"Oh? You don't think you can do it?"

She involuntarily pouted. "It's too hard. All that bending and stretching and breathing and lifting my own body weight . . . I mean, I know I look pretty light, but my arms aren't that strong."

The Master rolled up her sleeve and revealed one long, lean, and well-muscled arm. "Do you think I developed this overnight?" she asked. "It took me months to get into shape and years to maintain the appearance. And while I trained my body, I schooled my mind. And as I grew in knowledge, I also gained some peace, some focus, some balance in my life. Meditation is very useful in keeping your emotions in check and your mind free of distraction and destructive thoughts."

Rin sighed. "He told you what I did to Jakken, didn't he?"

She nodded. "You are in great need of balance, young Rin. And I can help you with that."

She shook her head. "I just can't do it. I'm clumsy and oafish and weak and overly emotional."

"You're a young girl, still. Some of those things will change with time, and others will only change if you will it to change."

She thought on the Master's words.

"The aim of yoga, Rin, is to attain the unity of body, mind and spirit. We do that through proper relaxation, proper exercise, proper breathing, proper diet, and positive thinking and meditation. And yoga stresses a strong, healthy, flexible body because a weak and tired body hinders spiritual development."

"If you say so," she said. "I mean, you are the yogi master, right?"

"Yes, I am. And I am also one of those weak, worthless, overly emotional females whose completely expendable and would never be missed if I disappeared off the face of the earth."

Rin scoffed.

"And what I said is true. You cannot expect the world to bend to your whims; you must bend to the whims of the world. You mustn't be so hard on everyone, Rin. Especially yourself. There are enough people in the world who'll hate you just for being you. Do you really want to be one of those people?"

She'd started off wanting to kill her, and now she practically wanted to hug her. "Sometimes," she said softly. "I can't help it."

Master Sumida rose to her feet and pulled Rin up with her. "Well, we'll just have to see what I can do about that. We'll start with Mountain Pose again." She assumed the position. "There is strength and power within stillness and calm."

She copied her form.

"A mountain is immovable, unshakable. Its foundation, its base, its true self is buried deep beneath the surface, well-anchored in mother earth."

She pushed her feet firmly into the ground.

"All that we see of it are its proud peaks, its high summits, its epic stature. It stands tall in the face of all, forever reaching upwards, overshadowing everything in its path.

Spine straight, head erect.

"There is nothing greater than a mountain. Nothing can stand against a mountain. Nothing can disturb a mountain."

Her words echoed in the empty hollows of her mind.

"Be a mountain, Rin. Push down all the happiness, all the joy, all the energy, light and love and channel it into your base. Fortify yourself against assault."

She repeated her words mentally.

"Take all the hostility, all the anger and unpleasantness, the doubt and the despair, the fear and the frenzy of emotions. Take them and force them to the surface. Face them and see them for what they are-nothing. These things are nothing; they are no part of you. So let them roll off your majestic heights and plummet to the ground below, dispersing into the dark depths from which they came."

"I'm a mountain," Rin said.

"Yes," Master Sumida said. "And people respect mountains. And mountains look over everything else because they know not everyone can be a mountain."

"I'm a mountain."

"Now, find your center, Rin. Sink down into your base and be still. Be strong. Be calm."

"I'm a mountain."

"Yes," she said. "Be a mountain."

* * *

I am a mountain, Rin reminded herself. Yesterday was just a bad day.

She drew in a deep, cleansing breath and pushed it out. You just got distracted by all the little things. All the nothings . . . You lost your center, and you almost completely crumbled down because of it.

She shook the thoughts of last night's tearful tirade from her head. You didn't make a very proud showing for your species last night, now did you? All that crying and yelling . . . Mountains are supposed to be unshakable. All that bad stuff is supposed to roll right off you.

But it didn't, did it? He shook you, didn't he?

Remember your teachings. You're a mountain. Let the bad stuff roll right off you. He's not going to get rid of you. He's . . . interested, as he said. He wants you to call him "Sesshomaru," and he's going to start . . . courting you, now.

She shook herself free from the pose and attempted meditations with an amused laugh. Mountain Pose is just not working for you today, Rin. Let's try Beautiful Warrior-Warrior 2 Pose.

She lunged back with her right leg, turning her torso and pointing her toes to the side. The toes of her left leg remained pointing forward. She then raised her arms to her sides, shoulders relaxed, back straight, and stomach in. Now, find your center and sink down. You're a Beautiful Warrior. Virabhadrasana. A fierce incarnation of Master Sumida's god Shiva.

Of course, she may have been in Warrior 2 Pose, but she didn't feel very warrior-like.

By the gods, he's courting you . . . What in the seven hells? The Lord of the Western Lands chasing after you like one of those peasant village boys.

She maintained her posture, while laughing out loud.

That's so silly and . . . wrong. That would be so out of character for him. I mean, he's obviously a mountain. Mountains don't move. The mountain doesn't come to the villager; the villager goes to the mountain.

And what's he going to do? Start bringing me flowers? Complimenting my kimonos? Telling me how pretty I look?

She laughed again. By the gods, I don't think I could handle that. That would have to be the epitome of awkwardness . . . I mean, if he ever said anything like that to me, I'd just . . .

I'd die of embarrassment!

Of course, I'd die happy, but still . . . A slight blush worked its way into her cheeks, and she, again, broke form.

"Dammit! I can't work like this." She stood upright and rolled her head first to the left, then to the right.

By the gods, I've gotten through what? Three postures today? That's pathetic. What would Master Sumida say?

Stop being silly. You know what she'd say. Push it all down and use it to fortify your foundation . . . But . . . are these good feelings or bad feelings?

I mean, logically, they're good feelings. The one man you've always wanted and thought would never want you, wants you . . . But, by the gods, he wants you. And that's kind of . . . scary . . . Like, not really in a bad way, like something's going to hurt you. It's just . . . unnerving. I mean, what if he tells Jakken to get lost because he wants to be alone with you? And . . . what would he do after he got you alone? Especially after all that stuff you said to him last night.

A deep blush covered her face and worked its way to her chest. She also felt that familiar itch between her thighs.

Stop it, she warned herself, forcing the feeling to fade.

By the gods, I haven't a brain in my head sometimes . . . The things we do in the moments of deepest desperation. Why can't I just think before I speak? I mean, I was thinking. He asked me a question, and I just answered it. He wanted to know why I avoided him, so I showed him and . . .

She grew suddenly sullen and thoughtful. What if that's the only thing he wants from me? I mean, I guess you could say I was pretty forward with everything. And I know I said I just wanted to get it out of my system, that it didn't have to be anything lasting but . . . If he used me like that, I don't think I could look at him again. Or myself, for that matter.

I mean, a girl has to have some self-respect, doesn't she? You wouldn't catch Master Sumida acting that way over a man. Yoga is about respect. Respect for all living things. Respect for others and respect for yourself.

But he wouldn't do that, would he?

I mean, there have to have been other women. You can't have lived for as long as he has and gone completely without.

She was young, but not entirely naive.

And they had to have been demons, of course, but still women . . . And I don't see any of them around, so maybe . . .

By the gods, I've gone and depressed myself again. She sighed deeply. But at least I know that's a bad feeling. I know where it needs to go.

She sighed again and rubbed her temples. I need to stop thinking about this stuff. It's too early in the morning, and I'm not even half way through my morning ritual, yet.

You're letting him shake you, Rin. And mountain's are unshakable. You're a mountain; Master Sumida said so.

She cursed under her breath and tried to shake off the growing tension in her body.

You know what? Forget about yoga today. Let's move on to Tai Chi Chuan. I could stand to work off some of this aggression.

She assumed the first posture.