InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ In a Different Light ❯ Appearances ( Chapter 26 )
In a Different Light
Chapter 25: Appearances
Rin followed the setting sun to the west. She had no other clues and no other way to track her lord, so she simply returned to the path they had been traveling previous to her abduction. If she continued towards the castle, she knew she would stumble across Sesshomaru or Jakken and Ah-Un eventually. Truthfully, she was worried about him. In all the years they'd traveled together, she'd never seen him has anything but . . . human. Well, not really human, human-like. He had all the appropriate body parts in the correct proportions in their proper places, but no human was that elegant, that graceful, that well-spoken, that . . . perfect.
Rin sighed heavily and directed her attention skywards. It was fast approaching late afternoon. She'd been traveling for over two hours now, and had only stopped briefly at the river to wash herself off, clean off her sword and take a few gulps of cold water. She still looked a mess, though-every bit the "filthy human" Jakken was so fond of calling her. Her exercise uniform was ripped about her neck and covered in dirt, sweat, blood and vomit. There was a rather angry-looking red gash across her throat from where Yori had cut her. And her hair . . . Well, her hair hadn't looked this bad since she'd begun puberty and her rapid mood swings kept her from caring too much about her personal appearance. She'd gone an entire month without touching her hair once, and she'd daresay it looked better then than it did now. But that's what happened when you traveled without supplies.
She chuckled to herself as she continued along the forest path that would eventually lead her back to the mountain Sesshomaru and she had been camping on. She hated to admit it, but it was kind of nice being on her own again. After all, the whole point of her learning to defend herself was so that she could travel outside the castle walls unescorted. And until now, she hadn't had that opportunity. In fact, if Jakken and Ah-Un were around or if Sesshomaru were healthy and whole, she was certain she wouldn't be traveling alone at the moment or at any other moment for that matter. To say they were overprotective of her was an understatement. The fact that Sesshomaru wanted to go to the bathroom with her was proof of that . . . Though, in truth, if he had gone to the bathroom with her, she probably wouldn't have been abducted, and the hunters wouldn't have had the opportunity to hurt him the way they had.
He was probably in a great deal of pain. From what Kimi had described and from what she had experienced herself, purification was a rather unpleasant matter. Even now, hours later, she could still feel little twinges of Suki's power surging through her body. They were distracting, but not problematic enough to halt her progress, altogether, like stomach cramps or muscle spasms. But for Sesshomaru . . . He was most likely close to the state she'd first found him in-alone, immobile and suffering . . . But just worrying about him wouldn't do either of them any good. She had to actually find him.
She understood all too well why he was so concerned about her. As he had said, men were wily creatures who would say much and do much to have their way with her. In some cases, as with Takeda, that included intimidation, coercion and violence. When she found herself alone with Taro in his hut, she'd convinced herself that if he tried to rape her, she'd simply slit his throat. Though, honestly, she wasn't sure she would've been able to do such a thing at the time. Certainly, she possessed the skill and the know-how, but she was a little short in the confidence department. Yes, Master Sumida said she was an excellent student. Yes, Master Li said she was an ideal pupil. Sesshomaru, himself, had even complimented her on her technique, and he was not one to deliver praise lightly, but still . . .
It was easy to feel inadequate next to someone so regal and self-possessed. He's probably never doubted himself once in his life. Yes, he'd admitted to fearing for her safety, but that was due to her ineptitude, not his. And fear was not doubt. But even if it was, his doubt would lie in her, not in himself. But today was different. Today, she actually felt worthy of their praise.
Yes, she'd gone against her principles and taken . . . two human lives. And that idea sickened her somewhat. But she'd had good reason, and the odds had been stacked considerably against her.
"You know what I think, Rin? I think you're weak, you're worthless and you're overly willful. You're clumsy, you're oafish, and self-important. You are the lowest of the low, the dumbest of the dumb and the dullest of the dull . . . You are a human female, and your life means absolutely nothing to anyone . . . No one cares what you do. No one cares what you think. And no one would notice if you were to disappear entirely from the face of the earth."
Those things simply weren't true. Master Sumida had known they weren't true from the very beginning. The Master been testing her, provoking her, daring her to prove her and the rest of the world wrong.
And she had. So had all of the demon hunters, actually.
Yes, they were close-minded, self-serving, conniving bitches. But they were also clever, powerful, ambitious and daring. Rin would daresay she'd never seen any opponent her lord had faced cause him so much damage in such a short period of time, with the possible exception of InuYasha. Her lord, the demon lord of the Western Lands, one of the most powerful demons in all Japan, had been brought down by three human females, and one female hanyou.
And if Rin hadn't been there, if she hadn't broken through the restraints Suki had placed on her mind and body, and if she hadn't overcome her own fear and self-doubt . . . he would have died. Takara would have purified him into nonexistence, and she would have been left alone-not just for now, but for the rest of her life.
Sesshomaru cared for her, loved her, protected her, worried about her. He'd promised that he'd always want her, he'd always love her, and he would never forsake her. How then could she turn her back on him when he needed her most?
Simple. She couldn't. All life was precious-plants, animals, humans, demons, hanyous. All of it was on equal footing as far as Rin concerned. Everyone and everything had a right to its own life, but, as Sesshomaru had said, there were boundaries. And the hunters had crossed theirs.
They weren't hurting anyone, Sesshomaru and she. They were simply enjoying a quiet night together, basking in the firelight, taking in the warmth of each other's company . . . And then they had come along and ruined everything. It was clear from the start that they intended to do her harm when one of them pressed a dagger to her throat and Yori had slapped her around simply for speaking without being spoken to. Normal attackers, common attackers would have left her alone after the fight she'd put up, but they weren't ordinary attackers, and she wasn't their ultimate target. She was just the bait.
And the way they treated her, the way they let Takeda treat her . . . They had no right to do those things. Her life was worth just as much as theirs, just as much as Kimi's, just as much as Sesshomaru's. They had no right to take her from her lord when she had no wish to go. They had no right to beat her within in an inch of her life when she was already bloody and broken. Takeda had no right to put his hands anywhere on her person. He had no right to make innuendoes and insinuations about her relationship with Sesshomaru. He had no right to strike her and strangle her, shoving her face to the floor, forcing her to lap up her own vomit.
Rin scowled. Takeda didn't return with Akemi, and she didn't see him anywhere after Sesshomaru had ripped the roof off the hunters' hut, but she sincerely hoped he was dead. Kimi had said something about Takeda and an army. If the headman was foolish enough to cross her lord again, she was certain Sesshomaru gave him exactly what he deserved.
Bastard. She let loose a few more choice words beneath her breath then chuckled lightly to herself. Her lord had cautioned her about her word choice a few years ago. "Refined young ladies don't use such coarse language," he'd advised her.
She was 13 at the time and had let loose the most colorful string of expletives known to man after she'd been caught trying to leave the castle grounds without an escort. There was no specific reason she wanted to leave; she just wanted a little time to herself. She was tired of having to avoid Sesshomaru because her body would give off weird scents anytime he came around her. She was tired of running away from Jakken who seemed to follow her everywhere she went. And she was deathly tired of Master Sumida and waking up before sunrise, cranky as all hell, just so she could do some stupid exercises that were supposed to make her feel better about herself.
So, she simply wanted to get away for awhile-take a quiet walk through the forest, maybe climb a tree or two . . . She'd, literally, put one toe outside the castle gate when Sesshomaru appeared and blocked her way. He looked down at her with the harshest, coldest glare he could muster and asked her where she thought she was going. Rin, for her part, didn't stop to think, she simply reacted. And she reacted the way Jakken had inadvertently "taught" her to react-with downcast eyes, a hushed voice and the most profane words she could think up.
If she were Jakken, she would've been struck. But she was not Jakken, she was Rin, and so, instead of receiving a barrage of blows to the head, she was verbally reprimanded and given one of those I'm-so-disappointed-in-you looks. She'd scoffed and retorted, "I'll start acting like a lady when you start treating me like one. As long as you continue treating me like a spoiled, little brat who can't wipe her own ass, that's exactly how I'm going to act."
Rin laughed out loud, breaking free of the forest to stare at the mountainous terrain before her-nothing but clear sky, rocky mountains and craggy hills. He could be up there, she thought offhandedly. It was a place she knew, the last place they'd been together . . .
She shrugged, not knowing any other path to follow, and began the climb. She couldn't believe she'd spoken to Sesshomaru that way. Of course, she had; she had a very clear memory of that particular discussion . . . but that simply wasn't like her. She had much too high of an opinion of what Sesshomaru thought about her.
Whatever he asked, she did without question. Whatever he suggested, she took to heart. But that day . . . she just wanted to be alone. She wanted to be herself-free of his and everyone else's preconceived notion of who and what she was.
"I'll start acting like a lady when you start treating me like one. As long as you continue treating me like a spoiled, little brat who can't wipe her own ass, that's exactly how I'm going to act."
She shook her head in disbelief as she tackled the steeper portion of the terrain. Amazingly enough, her lord didn't argue with that statement, and he never chastised her for her word choice again. She secretly supposed he would always have someone there to "wipe her ass" whether she needed it or not.
Rin drew in a deep breath and pushed it out, continuing her climb up the steep slope. It wasn't entirely mountainous, nor was it completely flat. It wasn't exactly a vertical climb, but if you didn't put your feet in the right position, you ran the risk of tumbling backwards and acquiring quite a bit of bumps and scrapes in the process. She supposed you could call it an incline, a tall, rocky, somewhat grassy incline. And at the top, an impressive expanse of forestland. The first time she'd made this climb, Sesshomaru had been with her, and he'd offered to help her up the steeper parts. She'd politely refused and made the climb all on her own power, and she was glad that she had because he wasn't here this time.
It was good to know that she could do things on her own. She didn't need his permission, his authority, or even his approval.
She was a complete entity unto herself. And though she greatly enjoyed the time she spent with her lord, it was nice to set her own pace for awhile. It was nice to not feel compelled to speak simply because no one else was, and the quiet was too oppressive to let it stay that way. It was nice to not have to ask to go to the bathroom or ask to take a little break . . . Because the males were away she felt freer than she had in years, possibly in a decade. It had been that long since she'd felt so at ease, so at peace, so . . . okay with herself.
She was okay.
It was okay to be human. It was okay to be a woman, or a female, if you wanted to say it that way. It was okay that she loved a demon, and he loved her in return. It was okay to want to be with him and touch him and . . . everything else. It was okay to risk your life to save your friends. And it was also okay to take a life to save your friends.
They had it coming. Flowers were harmless, but those hunters were not. They hurt her, they hurt each other, and they hurt Sesshomaru. Truthfully, she didn't know what to make of Kimi. She seemed nice enough, and she was talkative, informative and helpful . . . But Kimi used all the information she'd given her about the hunters against her. She'd used it to set Rin's mind against Suki. She'd used it as a motivator for her to kill Suki.
No, Suki wasn't a nice person. She treated her and Kimi horribly . . . that "healing" she gave her, being a prime example, and that subduing spell she placed on Kimi . . . Strangling her to death was rather poetic justice, and Rin was almost certain it was something Kimi dreamed about on a daily basis.
Yes, she killed Suki because Kimi commanded her to. She also killed Suki because she'd hurt her, was hurting her even then, and she'd hurt Kimi just before that. And, as the hanyou had suggested, if she didn't kill Suki, Suki would help kill Sesshomaru.
He was in such . . . bad shape when he came for her.
Jakken had told her when she'd first begun traveling with them that if she ever got on Sesshomaru's bad side, he'd bite her head off . . .
Until she actually saw Akemi's head and upper torso tumble out of the demon dog's mouth, her already scarred flesh damaged further by acidic saliva and pointed fangs, she'd thought Jakken was joking, using a well-known euphemism for describing his lord's temper. But seeing that, seeing him . . . and that little girl, that little girl that could've so easily been her 11 years ago . . .
She shook the thought from her head. Even so, even after he destroyed a village, squashed an innocent, little girl and "bit the head off" Akemi, she still loved him. She knew she should be appalled and disgusted and horrified, and, honestly, she was for a bit. She'd never seen anything so . . . startling in her life.
But the moment she realized he was there to help her and not to hurt her, she became afraid. She was afraid Takara would purify him. She was afraid she wouldn't be able to help him. She was afraid she'd have to spend the rest of her life without him, knowing that she'd failed him when he really needed her.
As strange as it may sound, the viciousness he showed others when provoked made her appreciate the gentleness he showed her even more. He could destroy her in a second-rip her apart with his claws, liquefy her with poison vapor, dissect her with Tokijin, beat her with his Whip of Light, or, as with Akemi, he could transform and maul her to death . . . but he didn't, he hadn't, and he wouldn't.
She was nothing, a mere mortal woman with no special powers, no title, prestige or property to her name . . . yet she held power over him.
Of course, there was that one night when they were just playing around with each other, and she'd got him to respond to "Fluffy," and he'd made her call him "Master." But there were also more serious moments . . .
Yes, he feared for her safety, but he also feared her rejection. As silly as it may seem or as stupid as it may sound, she'd seen it for a split-second that night beneath falls. It wasn't really fear; it was more of a . . . despair.
"And if she'll not be taken?" she said simply.
For all the world, for just a few seconds, a single drop in the sea of time, Rin could swear he looked as if he were going to cry . . . Of course, he wouldn't. He couldn't. He'd never allow himself to do such a thing, but . . . that raw, pained, desperate emotion she saw flicker in the depths of his eyes . . . She'd seen it in her own eyes so many times.
But as quickly as the emotion appeared, it was gone.
And then he'd said he "desired her as much as she desired him." But . . . as much as he claimed to desire her, he'd never taken her once. He'd offered himself to her for her pleasure on exactly four occasions, but he'd never made any demands of her specifically for his pleasure. When she offered her services, he was only too happy to accept, giving her proper instruction on how to go about it, but he never forced his attentions on her, and he always gave her the opportunity to refuse him outright . . . Though she'd never do such a thing.
He made her feel so weak, she smiled to herself. Not in that worthless, incompetent human way, but in that warm, wonderful man/woman way, that . . . I-can't-breathe-without-you-and-I-wouldn't-have-it-any-other-way way. Of course, it was silly to say she couldn't breathe without him. Here she was without him right now, and she was breathing just fine, but . . . he made breathing quite enjoyable.
"Yes, Rin, I can live without you. The question is: do I want to?"
She stood transfixed in his golden gaze, unable to move, unable to think, unable to feel anything but the gentle caress of his thumb as it swept across her face.
"The answer is no. No, I do not wish to live without you."
"But I'm human," she said. "I'll die. I'll leave. I'll leave you all alone."
And he was alone now, wasn't he? And she sincerely doubted he was enjoying his reprieve as much as she was . . . Not that she felt "punished" in this life . . . She did sometimes wish things hadn't transpired as they had. In this alternate reality, her brother and parents were still very much alive. No bandits ever attacked and killed them, leaving her all alone. She never had to live in a cave on her own. She never met Sesshomaru, and the villagers never beat her. Wolves never attacked the village, and she certainly never died.
By now she'd be married to a simple soul like Taro, and they'd have two or three children-two boys and one girl. No one would know who she was beyond their little fishing village. Her contact with demons would be limited to the bedtime stories she'd tell her children to scare them into behaving. No one would ever take her anywhere against her will. And Taro, being such a simple, uncomplicated man, no one would ever want to hurt him, so no one would ever try to hurt her . . . It . . . was a . . . nice dream from time-to-time.
But this life was so much better than any dream, now.
She finally reached the top of the mountain and looked down at the progress she'd made. She drew in a deep breath, admiring the view of the weather-worn, carved rock and the forestland far below. She then pushed the breath out and stretched a little to the left and a little to the right, her mind wandering to the missing people in her life. As much as she was enjoying this little taste of freedom, perhaps her last taste of freedom, she missed her traveling companions. If she closed her eyes and focused all of her senses, it was as if she could hear their voices right now, each calling her by their own term of endearment.
"Dumb girl."
She could see Jakken's green little face in front of her now. "Dumb girl." That was one of his favorite phrases for her, and he said so many things to both discourage and encourage her.
"Listen here, girlie. You think this is all some sort of game. Some sort of fairytale where you're the princess and my lord is the handsome prince."
Now it was her turn to scoff. "Please, Jakken, even I'm not that naive."
"You are naive," he retorted. "Especially if you're expecting a 'happily ever after.'"
"I'm harmless. Just another 'worthless' human, as you're so fond of saying."
"That was before," he said. "Before, you were nothing. Before, you were expendable, replaceable, forgettable. Nothing but the lowly pet of a great lord, barely worth mentioning."
"Pet?" she repeated.
"But if he takes you as his mate, his enemies will have a field day with you. The one weak spot where they'll constantly strike."
But I can take it, Rin argued with Jakken's recalled words. I am not weak. I survived today, and I successfully fought against our mutual enemies. I saved him.
She imagined the little toad scoffing and turning away from her. "Lady Brat, we'll see how smug you are once the master has his way with you."
What if I have my way with him, instead?
Again, her imagination produced an image of the toad youkai, this time sputtering and gasping, his bulbous yellow eyes wide with shock.
"You know the problem with females, Rin? They're weak, overly emotional and irrational. They're completely lacking in self-control and self-discipline, and that's what makes them such a nuisance. They think the world should bend to their whims when it is they who should bend to the whims of the world. It's the only way."
A single tear slipped down her cheek, and she immediately wiped it away.
"Why did you do that?" Master Sumida asked. "Wipe that tear away? What are you so afraid of? I already know how weak, overly emotional and irrational you are. Why try to hide it?"
"I'm better than that," she'd muttered.
"Are you?" the Master asked.
Yes, Rin answered stoutly. I fought back my own weakness to do what was necessary and get both of us out of there alive. I think you'd be quite proud of me today, Master. I was an excellent representative of my species and my gender. I helped my lord, I helped an enemy, and I helped myself.
After she had been training with Master Sumida for awhile, the seiyuuki youkai seemed to take a liking to her, and Rin, for her part, having no other female role models, returned the affection. Master Sumida began referring to her as "little sister."
"Rin."
"My Rin."
"Lady Rin."
"This Sesshomaru gives you his word as the Lord of the Western Lands, Lady Rin . . . This Sesshomaru will always want you, and nothing anyone can say or do will change that."
Her Lord Sesshomaru wasn't one to mince words, pull punches or descend into sentimental drivel. He was honest and forthright about his feelings towards her, and she genuinely appreciated that, especially since she was so . . . new to the whole thing. Everything seemed so overwhelming in the beginning, but he straightened out any confusion she may have had.
"I love you, Rin," he said in his most straightforward manner. "It is not my way to say so on a continual basis, but my instincts dictate that I demonstrate my need for you and remind you of your relevance in my life through physical acts." He locked her gaze with his. "It is not meant to intimidate, nor manipulate or coerce. It is simply the male's way of showing approval, gaining approval, offering comfort and getting the female's attention."
Rin's smile grew. She was "his Rin" and he was "her Sesshomaru." She loved the sound of that, but, honestly, her favorite pet name came from Master Li. The old master was shorter than Rin by nearly a foot, but what he lacked in physical stature, he made up for in martial arts prowess, sheer willpower and a kindly sense of humor.
"I have the perfect name for you, my most prized pupil. From now on, I will refer to you as Jade Cricket."
"Jade Cricket?" the 15-year-old laughed. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Jade is one of the hardest gemstones there is. It is completely opaque, meaning you cannot see through it, into it, but its beauty is evident both outside and in. Its strength lies in its hardness, its resiliency, its hidden interior."
Rin raised her eyebrows in a show of marked surprise. Was she truly like jade?
"And Cricket because you talk sooo much, but it is not a disturbance. Your voice has a very musical quality. People could just sit around and listen to you talk about nothing all day long."
Rin smiled, laughing gently to herself. "But you enjoy the quiet, Master Li. You're constantly telling me that talking is noise, a distraction, something designed to easily throw you off center."
"When we are practicing, yes. Quiet is preferable. But in everyday life," Master Li continued, "who wants to spend every hour of the day swathed in silence? People need to be around other people. They need to communicate with one another. If the gods meant for us to be alone, they wouldn't have put us all together in this big, wonderful world; they would have put us on tiny, tiny islands miles and miles and miles away from each other, so each of us thinks we are the only person in the world." The old master closed his eyes and nodded slowly. "Wouldn't that be a sad sight to see?"
Indeed, Master Li. No one should have to be alone.
And so she began walking again in search of her wounded lord.
As she approached the forest, something seemed to be . . . a little off . . . as if all the trees were . . . leaning a little off center. When she finally entered the wood, she finally realized what was wrong. Every, single tree had been uprooted then placed haphazardly back in the ground, roots still partially exposed. Some were leaning to the left, some were leaning to the right, some were completely horizontal and others had been reduced to splinters. Some had deep claw marks embedded into the bark of the tree, some had partially been eaten away by, what Rin assumed, was her lord's Poison Claw and some were cleanly split in two down the center, as if someone had cut them in twain with a large, extremely sharp blade of some kind, the trees' barren boughs scraping the leaf-covered ground.
Rin surveyed the destruction a moment longer, then continued on her way, the sun slowly sinking beneath the horizon, tinting the sky in hues of red, orange and yellow, a cool late autumn breeze stirring the dead leaves scattered on the forest trail.
You were looking for me, weren't you, Sesshomaru? You were looking for me, and you couldn't find me.
A sad smile of understanding crossed her fair face. The shoe's on the other foot, though, now isn't it? I'm walking the exact same trails you walked trying to find me, trying to find you. Only . . . I don't expect to find you since I have no way to track you from a long distance. I'll just keep heading home till I run into you, or you run into me, or maybe Jakken and Ah-Un will run in to the both of us. But for you not to be able to track me, not knowing where I'd gone . . .
No wonder you bit Akemi's head off.
She stepped off the visible trail, ducking between the lopsided trees, and headed for their former campsite, letting her memory be her guide. What went through your head when you first realized I was gone?
I saw you that night, standing where I stood, poison dripping from your claws. Obviously, you were angry, but what else was going on in your head? Were you frightened for my safety? Were you worried about who had me and what they'd do to me? Were you scared you'd never see me again?
I know I was.
She stood stock still in total awe of the destruction before her. True, this was nothing compared to the damage he'd done to the village, but . . . There was no clearing anymore. The trees that had been surrounding the area had been slashed, smashed and splintered, the fallen trunks crisscrossing a patch of scorched earth that smelled of acid, smoke and cinders. The boulders that had lain on the outskirts of the clearing, the boulder Sesshomaru and she had last sat on, ate on and . . . slept on had been demolished, pulverized, reduced to a powder of fine, grey dust. The firepit her lord had dug to keep her warm and cook her meal in was nowhere in sight, doubtless buried beneath the piles of splintered wood and crushed rock.
She'd hoped, at the very least, by returning here she'd find a suitable place to camp for the night, and maybe, just maybe Sesshomaru would be waiting for her here . . . But now she had to move on. There was no way she could sleep in a place that had so obviously infuriated her lord. She was certain to have a hard time sleeping tonight, regardless of her surroundings, but this place would just amplify her nightmares tenfold.
She could handle visions of Yori standing over her, smacking her around, pressing the cold metal of her sword to her tender throat. She could battle thoughts of Suki subduing Kimi and reaching in her head to pull out her least favorite memories. She could bear the pain of broken ribs, bruised body parts, purification and that mystical healing. She could even withstand the feel of Takeda's hand wrapped tightly around her neck as he pushed her face forward to lap up a puddle of puke.
However, she couldn't stand the sight of her lord suffering.
She had no idea what this Forest of Grief Kimi had told her about looked like . . . But she couldn't imagine a clearer manifestation of grief, loss, frustration and despair than this one. And she wanted to get as far away from it as possible.
8 8 8
Sesshomaru awoke cold, alone and unable to move, sitting beneath the spreading branches of a magnolia tree. He wasn't quite sure where Tenseiga had transported him, but even with his diminished demonic senses he knew two things. One: Rin wasn't with him, and two: there were three youkai very nearby.
"Lord Sesshomaru, at last we can meet with each other on my terms."
He knew that voice . . .
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, that's Chapter 25. So, NO, I didn't kill Sesshomaru off, and YES, I am nearing the end of the story.
I can't believe how many readers thought last chapter was "the last chapter," especially since I told you there were three to eight more chapters left, depending on length, at the end of Chapter 23. And just a little pointer about ALL my stories-when they're finished, I always put "THE END" at the end, and put "COMPLETE" in the story description. So, until you see "THE END" in all caps, the story will continue ^ ^
fanficion.net-I LOVE you guys. I'm just a hare's breath away from 600 reviews. I'm so glad so many people think I'm doing something right. Who ever thought this little fic would be so popular?
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Thank you for reading and reviewing, and I hope I didn't disappoint,
theMaven :)