InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ In Death, Trust Me, as You Didn't in Life ❯ Fear of the Unknown ( Chapter 4 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter 4: Fear of the Unknown

Wow. This is so surreal. Here I am, walking along with Sesshoumaru, on his arm like a Lady, and just yesterday? I died. As if things couldn't get any more strange, I'm traveling around through the past with him, listening to his thoughts about me... and right now, they all seem to be centered on killing me.

She sighed, casting an amused glance at the male wrapped around her arm. As if my life wasn't strange enough. I don't even remember what it's like to have a normal life. Or is that a normal death?

Sesshoumaru heard her sigh, and looking around for a moment, pushed through the consuming mists again, finding a peaceful spot to stop and spend some time thinking - and speaking, if the onna on his arm willed it so. Escorting her to a soft patch of grass, he bowed his head when she looked up at him, then glanced around, seemingly noticing their surroundings for the first time.

"What a lovely place! Where are we, anyway?"

He looked out across the verge, staring into the horizon for a few moments, simply enjoying the pristine natural beauty before him. "This is... a separate realm. We are no longer within the realm we were born in - and there are no other beings here at this moment."

Kagome frowned, his words sending her deep into thought. "Realms," she said, slowly. "You keep using that word... but what is it that you really mean? Do you mean like... other worlds?"

"Worlds..." she watched as he ran that word through his mind. "...I - yes, I believe that may be a sufficient word to describe what I speak of. I prefer the term 'realms', however, as it is closer to the reality which it is supposed to describe."

She looked around herself, then, in awed wonder, happiness glowing through her very flesh as she took a few steps forward and stood at the edge of the verge with him. "So I'm actually seeing another world? It's so beautiful! And so untouched," she mused, thinking sadly that at one time, the earth must have looked much the same... before humans had gotten their hands on it and warped it all.

Humans have a way of doing that, after all, don't we... changing everything around us. We can never seem to live in harmony with nature - we always bring destruction behind us. She looked at the daiyoukai, then, before lowering her eyes to the ground. Maybe he was right to hold us in such disdain. Demons live in harmony with the world, unlike us.

Sesshoumaru quickly noted the scent of confusion and sadness that suddenly permeated the air around them, and with an inward sigh, turned, and sat her down on that soft patch of grass he'd brought her to earlier, then sat next to her.

He folded his hands in his haori, then caught her eye. "What is it that you are thinking of, Kagome?"
She chuckled at his question, though the sound held more of sadness in it, than glee. "That maybe you were right to disdain humans."

His open shock at her words had her giggling in an instant.

He blinked at her. "What makes you say so, miko?"

At that, she turned her face to look out at the world around them, and gestured, flinging her arms wide to indicate everything. "Look at this place, Sesshoumaru. Don't you see how beautiful it is? Our world looked like this... once. Before humans made a mess of it. And now? The only way to see the earth this way is in our imaginations. Humans are destructive."

Sesshoumaru sat back, as he considered her words. She was right - but... wrong, as well.

He didn't look at her as he started to speak, choosing to stare at the sky, instead. "You are right, in that humans can be very destructive. It is something in them that I do not care for. However, not everyone is that way. Some cannot see the beauty around them - but some can... as you do. As Rin did. I cannot any longer ignore that not all humans are so... human." At his last word, amusement swept through his voice.

"I see... so I'm human, and yet, not." She chuckled again. "Gee, Sesshoumaru, that explains it all really well." She noted the dry look he shot her as he caught her sarcasm.

"What I am trying to convey to you is that I have learned the value of considering all beings based on their individual merits, rather than on their species," he said, his tone dry as well.

She nodded as she heard his words, eyes turning inwards. He says so... and he doesn't lie, so I can believe it, but... I still need to know what caused the changes to be able to believe in the changes themselves. In order to trust, I have to truly see what it is I am trusting. I guess... I need to see more of his thoughts, to know for sure.

She looked back up at him and said, "I'm ready to continue on to our next meeting. If I remember rightly," she put a finger to her chin, and stared into space for a minute, "the next time was when you used that fake arm to try to steal Tessaiga, am I right?"

He stood and offered her his hand, nodding his head in the affirmative. "Yes. And as before, the thoughts you hear are going to be unsettling. But know this, Kagome," he said, meeting her eyes solemnly, "no matter how much I thought of killing you during... after this meeting, I could not do so... and soon enough, even the desire to do so faded away into nothing. After this meeting, any chance I had of killing you was gone. I could no more have done so, than I could have killed Rin."

She watched his eyes as he told her that.

There is so much there, in his eyes... a person could spend eternity trying to see it all.

With a nod, she let him take her back into the mists - glancing once more behind herself...

Wanting to carry the picture of what the world might have looked like in its innocence into forever with her.

Funny enough, the visual she was left with - one of pristine beauty - brought to mind her current companion.

He is that... isn't he?

Beautiful - and deadly but... is he deadly, really?

---wWw---

Hovering out of sight, a certain being watched the two walk away with a smile on his face.

So, Sesshoumaru, you are doing as I suggested. It is good that you are taking this time to earn her trust...

Because you cannot win her heart until she knows your own.

With another smile, the being faded into the background, satisfied that his time to speak with the onna was coming...

Soon.

---wWw---

Sesshoumaru was looking straight ahead... but that didn't stop him from frequently casting glances at her from the corner of his eye. This whole journey thing was difficult, to say the least. But in essence, it was his own fault that he now had to prove himself to the onna on his arm, and he knew that there was no point in lamenting the facts.

So, instead, he watched her. At all times, even when she thought he was concentrating on other things, his attention was all on her. Every expression, every single thought that crossed her mind, every smile, and any tears - he saw them all.

And he found that she was endlessly fascinating in all her emotionality. No two expressions on her face were ever the same, and her eyes were simply the most expressive things he'd ever witnessed. They were true windows to her soul, hiding nothing of her light from the world... only providing a beautiful frame for those emotions.

Her eyes... silver, rimmed by a darker shade of grey - like a black pearl. Who knew that grey eyes could carry so much beauty - or that there were so many different shades of what had always seemed such a flat color?

He glanced at her again, and a tiny smile perked one corner of his mouth for just a moment...

Yes, I have learned much since the time that I first met her. I only hope it is enough...

Kagome was lost in her own world, not really paying attention to anything around her. She was trying to dredge up her memories of the coming encounter - if she was remembering right, it was this that was the catalyst for Inuyasha pushing her through the well that time and trying to keep her there. She huffed in annoyance as she thought about it - that memory still made her mad.

Baka. As if sending me home was gonna make me stay there.

She snorted then. Inuyasha never had figured it out. She simply refused to be ruled, by anything. Not by some male, not by other females, not even by her fear. Once again, she glanced at the daiyoukai by her side. It seemed that was one thing Sesshoumaru had never understood about her, either.

As she turned her gaze back onto the world around them, she noticed that the mists were parting again, and she looked out on a somewhat familiar sight. They were standing on the steps of a mansion that Miroku had 'excorcised', she rolled her eyes and giggled a bit at that thought, and she was once again watching her younger self, along with Inuyasha, Shippo, and Miroku staring off into the sky.

Without turning, she knew what they would find, and she sighed, and glanced at the version of Sesshoumaru that was on her arm.

This could get really confusing...

He glanced at her blandly. "What?"

"Nothing. Just let's sit down and watch, so I can listen to more of your rants about killing the human bitch and how worthless we all were."

He raised a brow at her as he gestured to a spot that was off to the side amongst the rocks, and sat down himself... somehow making the movements look as elegant and graceful as a dancer.

Darn him anyways, with all his beautiful silver hair and golden eyes and all those... those... muscles.

She plopped down rather disgustedly next to him and he gave her an amused glance. "Rants? And were your thoughts of this Sesshoumaru really any better at this time, miko? Perhaps you should allow me to hear your thoughts about me, so that I may know the truth within your soul, as well, hmmm?"

Interesting... who knew that she could change colors so quickly?

She glared rebelliously at him, then, somehow just knowing that somewhere inside that arrogant hide of his he was laughing at her. "Hmmph." She folded her arms across her chest and her lip came out... combined with her still very red face, it gave her a childish look that he was hard-pressed not to laugh outright at.

"Miko, do you fear for some reason to let me hear your thoughts? Can you not be as open with yours, as I am with mine?" He looked at her innocently, and she huffed.

"Yeah, and you can wipe that look off your face. Innocent really doesn't suit you." She watched as his brow furrowed, and sighed. Again. "Fine. But you can't get mad at me for what I'm thinking, when you're thinking about torturing and/or killing and maiming me."

He nodded solemnly. "I would not become angry at your honesty, Kagome."

She looked back at the confrontation that had already started. "Now, how do I let you in on my state of mind, oh Great Sesshoumaru-sama? she asked, sarcastically.

With a resigned look at her, he shook his head, and said, "Simply desire for me to do so - the will is all that is necessary in this realm - there are no special spells or miko magics needed."

She eyed him uncertainly, then nodded shortly, willing him to hear her thoughts.

And promptly wished she hadn't.

Unfortunately for her, her sense of timing had never been very good, and that still seemed to hold true now, as the first thought to come through were highly... humiliating. It seemed that her thoughts of a few moments ago were actually almost identical to now.

'Darn him anyways, with all his beautiful silver hair and golden eyes and all those... those... muscles - and markings. Why does anyone that looks that good have to be such a jerk?!'

As his brow rose into his hairline, he cast a highly amused look at her as her face once again achieved many more shades of red than he'd ever seen. I did not know that many different shades of red even existed.

"I must admit, miko, I was not expecting your thoughts to be... along those particular lines." He was pleased... mayhap things would move along quicker than he had hoped.

She lowered her face and stared at her hands, and mumbled, "Yeah, well, I just bet you weren't. Typical male. Locked onto the thoughts about the hair and eyes, and markings, and missed the part about you being a jerk." She glared at him half-heartedly, then. "Which still happens to be true."

Before he could say anything in retaliation, she looked up as some of his thoughts became audible.

'Hn. So, that detestable human female is still with the baka. This Sesshoumaru cannot understand what she sees in him - perhaps he owns her?'

She sent an icy look his way at that. "Owned?" she asked, a dangerous glint in her eye.

He stared at her for a moment, face blank, then turned away and shrugged. "Remember, Kagome. From your clothing, I had originally thought you a whore. Even though I had by this time scented your innocence, the thought was still there."

She growled at him, then turned her face away with a huff, staring up at his past self with narrowed eyes - and then huffed incredulously as she watched him flash into Inuyasha's face - and her past self run off screaming.

Jaw dropping, she glared at herself, then looked over at Sesshoumaru, then back to the spot her past self had disappeared. Did I really run off screaming like a little... bitch?!

Her face dropped into her hands in disgust and shame as past Sesshoumaru's thoughts came through again.

'How pathetic. She runs like the worthless refuse she is. And Inuyasha is no better. I cannot see what father ever thought was worthy in such a weak and useless race. They are like cattle.'

Kagome hadn't lifted her face from her hands, but Sesshoumaru distinctly heard a mooing sound come from her throat, and he stared at her incredulously.

With a surprised blink, he asked, "Why did you run, Kagome? You did not do so the first time we met, and you never did so again after this time. What prompted you to do so at that time?"

She looked up, then, and met his gaze, a confused expression crossing her face. "To be honest, I don't know. I didn't remember that." With a shake of her head, she finished, "I'll... have to think about it, try to remember. If I do, I'll let you know."

He nodded agreeably. "Acceptable."

Kagome's attention was pulled back to the confrontation still going on in front of her, and she winced when she noticed the point it had gotten to. She was just firing her first arrow - the one that had hit Tessaiga and forced its transformation in reverse.

'That wench!

She could feel the waves of incredulity and rage coming off his past form, and glanced apprehensively over at his present form, wondering if perhaps his memories would garner some of that former rage and turn it into a present day rage, as well.

Sesshoumaru stared at her for a moment, then shook his head, not needing to hear her thoughts to know what she was thinking. "No." He tilted his head towards the confrontation. "Keep listening. Do not fear this Sesshoumaru - I told you before, I will never be able to raise my hand to you - not after this point in time."

She blinked, then nodded, and turned her face back towards the enraged younger Sesshoumaru.

She quickly caught up with his thoughts again.

How does a pitiful , weak, spineless human wench have the power to overpower father's youki and my own? What is this girl?! There is something about her that does not sit well with this Sesshoumaru - and I will find out what her secret is. However, for now...'

He turned his attention back to his brother, escalating the fight, as Kagome watched, still wincing at the pain she knew her friend was going through. She could feel Sesshoumaru's confusion, and irritation at the interference from herself, and Miroku - she'd almost laughed aloud at his obvious startlement when Miroku'd first opened his wind tunnel.

Present day Sesshoumaru eyed her, brow raised as he noticed her amusement at his expense. "Do you find this amusing, miko?"

She nodded, eyes filling with mirth. "Uh-huh." She looked back at the fight again, turning her face from him, and he merely 'hnned' and also looked back up.

She watched as her past self pinned Sesshoumaru with a nasty glare, threatening to target his left arm, and heard his incredulous "What?" - and noted his sudden understanding...

'She can see shards of that jewel! This girl... she is something different. She is also impertinent... this time, she will die!'

Past Sesshoumaru targeted her, then, and Inuyasha barely managed to knock his brother out of the way. Kagome remembered that moment perfectly well, and how she'd felt... not fearful, exactly, but certainly... she'd known he could kill her. Sneaking a glance at his current self's face, she sighed.

Okay, so we've established, quite, quite well, she rolled her eyes, that he really, really wanted to kill me. Still doesn't answer what changed between now and then. Maybe now, since he's saying that after this time, he'd never been able to even attempt to kill me again, I'll start getting some answers about that.

Sesshoumaru stood abruptly, glancing down at her, he looked just a tad bit... unsettled, for some reason, and he held out his arm to her.

"Come, Kagome. There is nothing else of import in this meeting. Now, you know full well how I viewed you at first, and my desire to kill you - even why. It is time for you to start seeing how things began to change."

She nodded. "Good. I was just thinking the same thing." She frowned. "But that part... what you said about why you wanted to kill me. That... I really still don't understand. I know you wanted to, but why? It's not like I was really a threat to you - at least, not then. Really, was it just because I confused you?"

He nodded at her as they left that area, moving back into the mists.

"Yes. Truly. This Sesshoumaru has never liked things that he could not label, and file away. You were unlike anything I'd ever seen... in hundreds of years of life. Because of that, you were making me re-think things that I'd felt were cut and dried... and I did not appreciate that." With a slightly shamed look on his face, he turned and looked away from her, finishing rather hesitantly, "This Sesshoumaru thought that if he killed you, the questions that you were raising in his mind would simply disappear."

He sighed, and looked back at her. "I felt as though things could go back to the way I wanted them to be - where I was in control of everything, and knew everything that I needed to know."

Kagome looked away from him, thoughts running rampant through her mind - one louder than all the others, however.

He feared me, and what I represented. And it is natural to fear what you don't understand....

Natural for everyone, it seems. That's something I can see.

With one last glance at his profile, she stared ahead, lost in thought.

I was his fear of the unknown.

---wWw---

A/N: Hopefully, people are now beginning to see what Sesshoumaru's mindset about Kagome at the beginning was. She confused him - he couldn't figure out what she was, her motivations, or her place in the scheme of things - and so, he wanted her dead. After this time, however, things start to change and we'll begin to see that, in a small way, next chapter - and again, the specifics of this scene were taken from the manga.

Amber