InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ In Death, Trust Me, as You Didn't in Life ❯ Thoughts of Failure ( Chapter 69 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: kanna37 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Fantasy / Hentai / Drama / Adventure / Action | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 06.13.2011 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.7K | Visits: 499 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Fantasy / Hentai / Drama / Adventure / Action | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 06.13.2011 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.7K | Visits: 499 | Status: Work In Progress
Chapter 69: Thoughts of Failure
Amaterasu watched with satisfaction as her champions gathered together and celebrated their victory, looking each other over, and making sure loved ones and friends were safe and unharmed. She was more pleased than she could say that her daughter had done her work so well, and was happy with her victory over her brother in their game.
Still, things were not quite finished, and she knew that Kagome actually dreaded this next part of things.
The whole problem she had with it was authority. She didn't like having to flaunt herself, exercising her will over creation. But it was something she had to get past, and that was why she had taken the route that she had with what was about to happen.
Kagome would have to learn to use that authority, and she would have to learn quickly, in a moment, for Sugimi was about to be called back to the other side, leaving Inuyasha, and even Sesshoumaru, saddened once again. Amaterasu was quite well aware that the one way to force Kagome into using her power, was to make it so that she was doing it to help someone she loved.
So she stepped forward, interrupting the celebration going on around her, to take everyone's attention and push her agenda right along, not feeling any remorse for it, either. She was a mother training her child, simple as that.
“Sugimi, my friend, it is time,” she said, watching as Kagome stiffened with realization, as did Sesshoumaru... but even more, Inuyasha. She surreptitiously watched him, knowing that it was he that would trigger Kagome's will.
“What? What's she talkin' about, old man?” he asked, eyes narrowing with worry.
Sugimi sighed, regret washing over him as he turned to look at his youngest son. He would miss him, and hated having to leave him again after just getting the chance to know him a little.
“I have to go back, Inuyasha. I was not given life again, only allowed to return for this battle. And besides... I would not leave your mother alone on the other side. I agreed to this, and I'm not sorry I did – for it gave me the chance to know you a little... the chance that I never had before,” he said, that regret over having to leave again shining brightly in luminescent golden eyes.
Then he turned to his oldest son, who had stayed back a little, next to his mate, who was frowning, tears already in her eyes at the expressions on Inuyasha's and Sugimi's faces, and the emotion she could feel from her own mate. Before he could say anything, though, Kagome broke into the now-heavy silence.
She whipped around to stare at her mother with suddenly slitted eyes. “What kind of deal was that? He comes here and pulls our butts out of the fire, and now he's gotta go back, leaving his sons behind again?”
Amaterasu didn't let her expression change. “Would you have him leave his mate behind, then? No matter which way you look at it, he would always be torn – either he has to leave his sons, or his mate.”
Kagome drew in a sharp breath, knowing how she would feel in this situation, having to leave Sesshoumaru behind. She didn't think she could do it, not even for her children – at least, not if they were grown. Still... she couldn't stand the look on Inuyasha's face, and even the sadness from her mate. Even though Sesshoumaru could go visit his father whenever he chose, he still didn't want to see him go back into death.
Closing her eyes, she said, almost to herself, “But why does he have to choose? Surely both being returned isn't too much a reward for his willingness to do what was asked of him. And besides... separating mates would be to unbalance them... but separating him from his sons again would be to do the same. Nobody should have to go through the pain of goodbyes twice, after all.” She opened her eyes and glared hard at the ground, and then nodded to herself.
When she lifted her face to the group once more, her eyes were determined, and her expression fierce.
“I say that this isn't right, and I'm not going to let it stay this way. After all, I have to make some decisions sometime, don't I? And if I have to make ones that suck sometimes, then I'm going to make some that don't, too. And this one doesn't.” Nodding decisively once more, she drew her aura around her, and then spoke, letting everyone know she meant business.
“In return for your assistance in this endeavor of the kami,” she cast a narrow glance at Amaterasu, who was simply watching, “it is my will that you, Sugimi-sama, and your mate, Izayoi-sama, be free to return to this realm if you so choose.” She looked over at a shocked Sugimi, and said, “Wait just a moment while I go fetch your lady, Sugimi-sama.”
Sesshoumaru finally spoke, stopping his mate from disappearing. “It is unseemly for you to call my father sama, Kagome. You are above lords now as the goddess that you are.”
She huffed at him and frowned. “Yeah, and as a goddess I can call anyone what I want to call them. Just because I have power, doesn't mean I can't be polite. He is a lord, even if I'm a goddess, and the proper address is sama,” she lectured her mate, as everyone around began grinning at the goddess reprimanding her mate. With another huff at his quirked brow, she disappeared.
Sugimi looked at his oldest son with amusement. “It seems as though your lady mate is most... opinionated, Sesshoumaru.” And then he frowned at his son's flat stare. “And god or not, boy, don't expect me to start simpering and kowtowing to you – you are still, and always will be, my son.”
A harsh laugh came from Inuyasha at that, and Sesshoumaru turned a very narrow glare on his brother. “You, Inuyasha, had best watch your disrespect,” he said loftily. “You are not father.”
At that moment, Kagome returned, a rather startled Izayoi in tow behind her, and stood her next to her mate. “Okay, now,” she started, catching Inuyasha's stunned, longing expression at sight of his mother. “You, Izayoi, and Sugimi, have a choice to make. Alive, or dead? Simple. Don't take too long deciding.”
Sesshoumaru blinked at his mate's short statements, even as Amaterasu chuckled. But Kagome's attention was caught at the expression on Izayoi's face as she caught sight of her son, and the tortured look on his face and in his eyes. And Kagome knew then what the decision was.
“So you both choose life, then?” she asked, and smiled; not waiting for any confirmation from the two, she closed her eyes and instantly, both the daiyoukai and his mate felt a warmth move over, and through them, and they knew that things would never be the same – they were once again fully alive and anchored to this realm, and they could have all the time in the world with their son. (And Sugimi could also once again harass his oldest son, as well.)
Both people were rendered speechless with gratitude for long moments, even as Inuyasha was not, leaping over to his best friend's side, he took her into his embrace fervently, to a growling Sesshoumaru's ultimate displeasure. Nyoko just chuckled.
Kagome scowled at her growling, glaring mate over Inuyasha's shoulder. “Oh, stop it, Sesshoumaru! I like to hug the people I care about, so get used to it.” With one final squeeze to her friend's shoulders, she stepped back, and watched as he happily bounded over to his parents and began hugging his mother.
Her attention was grabbed by her own divine mother stepping over to her and touching her arm. “Come, Kagome, Sesshoumaru. We have much to discuss as the rest of your companions enjoy the victory. You still have a great deal to do, Kagome, you know.” The young woman reluctantly nodded, and with a final glance at her friends, she turned with her mate to walk with Amaterasu.
She sighed, then looked over at her mother. “You did that on purpose, didn't you?”
Amaterasu, knowing what she was speaking of, nodded. “Yes. You have to learn to make decisions, Kagome. I knew that using your emotions against you would prod you in the right direction. But you cannot always use your emotions, my daughter,” she said seriously. “There are times when strict logic must be used.” She glanced over at Sesshoumaru, who had tipped his head in agreement. She smiled. “That is where I suspect your mate will be of great use to you. He will be able to temper your sometimes overly emotional responses.”
Kagome snorted. “Yeah. No kidding. And I'll be able to temper his need to be a stuck up jerk at times. When he starts getting a little too anal, I'll set him straight.”
The sun goddess, knowing the future reference Kagome was making, though her mate did not, laughed, while Sesshoumaru frowned. While he might not have directly understood her words, he did know they weren't a compliment.
He decided to play her little game, for the moment. “Have you tired of me already, mate?” he asked, voice low, a sense of triumph entering him at the horrified look she turned on him at his words.
“No! How could you even say that?” she whispered, upset... until she noted the look in his eyes, and the amusement in Amaterasu's. “Oh! You're messing with me, Sesshoumaru! That's not nice at all,” she pouted.
With a shake of her head, Amaterasu brought the conversation back to the serious side. “You two can play later. Right now, there are other things you need to be thinking of, Kagome. And you as well, Sesshoumaru. As the new god of chaos, you will also be responsible for recreating the world. Before, with no one directly in charge of balance, chaos was allowed to have far too much of a role in things, leaving Sosa the opportunity to cause much havoc, and wrest creation away from its original state. Now, with you and your mate balancing each other, as always should have been, things must change.”
Sesshoumaru nodded slowly, pondering her words. “It seems that there is much we need to think on, and decide, mate. Amaterasu-sama is correct. I think that we should go away somewhere where we will not be distracted, so that we may consider all, and make the correct decisions.”
But Kagome, and Amaterasu, both shook their heads. “No,” Kagome answered, a thoughtful look in her eyes. “We need to stay here, and take into account our resources, Sesshoumaru. While they might not be gods, our group collectively has a lot of wisdom to offer us in this. We should take into account what they have to offer. Of course, the final decision is ours, but...” she trailed off.
“She's correct, Sesshoumaru,” Amaterasu added, her support making the new god reconsider. “There are things they have to say that will help you. Don't hide yourself away simply because you are a god now. You'd be surprised at how much we've all learned at one time or another from mortals. After all, they have a view of creation and the world that we, as kami, often don't see.”
He considered that, and could do naught but agree; as one who had been at least semi-mortal up until recently, he was now seeing things differently than he had before as one who was not divine.
But he also remembered things as he'd known them then, and that would help in this decision – and suddenly, the one question he'd had in all this, why Amaterasu had allowed her daughter's birth, so to speak, to be so late in the game, and now, also, his own into the world as the god of chaos. This was why. Because they now had the benefit of a point-of-view that none of the other kami would ever have.
She was, he could see, the ultimate general and tactician, and Sesshoumaru was left with an almost ironic sense of amusement that males, in general, considered females incapable of such. It was obviously an erroneous conclusion on the part of them all, and that had amply been shown not only by Amaterasu, but his own little mate's intelligence.
“Very well. I can see that in this you are both correct.” He cast a sideways glance at Kagome, then, a sly look on his face. “However, I do believe we should leave the half-breed out of our deliberations – we do not want to make matters worse, after all.”
The slender goddess of the sun couldn't help but laugh at the back and forth from Sesshoumaru and Kagome, shaking her head ruefully, she knew that things were definitely going to be different with Kagome's rather irreverent sense of humor now being let loose amongst the other kami. And her mate's opposite stoic facade, yet love of needling her, would provide a great deal of entertainment for herself over the years.
Kagome rounded on her mate, growling at him. “Oh, give it a rest, Sesshoumaru! Inuyasha's not that bad!” She stopped then, her face scrunching up as she thought about her own words, and then she smiled sheepishly at his snort. “Well, okay, sometimes he is, but still!”
Amaterasu broke in before they could get too far off-track again, knowing that their time was running out, and dampened their fun with her serious expression. “There will be time enough for enjoyment when you have figured things out, Kagome, Sesshoumaru. Right now, creation is in a sort of stasis that will not last – and now that Sosa's plans have been stopped, once that stasis wears off, things will deteriorate at a much faster pace. You only have a short time to get things together, so there really is no time to waste.”
Her stern words sobered both, and Sesshoumaru nodded, all business now. It was apparent from Kagome's expression that her natural exuberance had also been muted. With an approving glance, she turned them back around, and began to walk back to the rest of those still gathered and trying to take in the victory – as well as those that were now gathering, wondering what was next.
As they reached their companions once more, Amaterasu spoke. “I will take my leave of you both, now, and let you all get down to business.” She smiled at her daughter, and then faded away, leaving them alone with the rest of the group staring at them silently, wondering what was going on, and what the goddess' final words had meant.
Kagome met Sesshoumaru's gaze, and then sighed, turning to look at the group, she spoke just loud enough for everyone near to hear her.
“It's not over, everyone. Yes, the battle is done,” she said, waving her hands at the suddenly wary group, “but... the world is now still. That won't last long, though, and if I don't figure out how to address the wounds done to this creation, then it'll start to degenerate.” She met each person's shocked gaze with her own subdued one, and finished, “I want all your help. I want to talk this out, and maybe you all can come up with some good ideas.”
As they all stood around taking in her words, Sesshoumaru met his father's gaze, and Sugimi took control of the group, leaving his son to calm his worried mate.
“I think we should all adjourn to the command tent,” he said decisively, taking his mate's arm and turning to lead the way.
Sesshoumaru copied his father and took his own mate's arm, his eyes smiling down at her as she turned her big pansy eyes on him, her fear of failing everyone clear in her gaze.
“Do not worry so, mate. We will find the correct path, you and I, and we will walk it.”
Kagome nodded morosely, not quite having the faith that her mate seemed to. Sure, if it were all being left up to him, she'd be fine – no worries at all. After all, Sesshoumaru was not one to make mistakes. But she, herself? Gods only knew how prone she was to messing things up. What had happened earlier with Sosa and the battle and all, had been bad enough – and that had been easy compared to what Amaterasu was now asking of her.
The only thing that was holding her sanity in place was her mate's presence, and the fact that he was, as her mate, just as bound by this mess as she was. She wasn't facing it alone.
Sesshoumaru wished at that point that they had a little more time – he wanted nothing more than to take his mate away from this long, bloody day, and soothe her and himself in the most intimate way possible. It would only be to the good to have some time for Kagome to come down from the natural high of battle, and get a chance to relax. It would have been better for her state of mind. Unfortunately, that wasn't an option, and so he knew his little mate would have to set aside her stress and her fear in order to save creation from dissolving around them.
But he could take his little mate aside in the tent for a few minutes, and help her to calm down enough to function. The world could wait that long. And so, once they stepped into the large tent set up for the battle, he turned to his father.
“We will join you shortly, my mate needs a few minutes to think on things and steady her nerves.” As Sugimi nodded, Sesshoumaru led his little female to the back of the tent, stepping behind the partition, and sitting down on the few cushions spread there for comfort, settling his mate in his lap.
“Come, koi, there is nothing to fear,” he said softly to her, pitching his voice so no other would hear. “Much has been asked of you since we were returned from the other realms, my mate, but you are capable of answering the need, and much more. Do not devalue yourself with thoughts of failure.”
She shook her head, her stress rising. “But...!” she started, and he shook his head at her.
“No. This one will not allow you to fall, beloved,” he said, his eyes fierce as he looked down at her. “We will do this together, and we will succeed. There is no other option. Anything at this point is better than destabilization of creation and dissipation. Do you not agree?”
Eyes wide, Kagome thought about that. It was true – perhaps there was no wrong or right, here. After all, whatever decision they came to, at the very least, creation would once again have a supporting balance of some sort. And if things were not quite correct, then they could fine tune things as they went, continually changing whatever needed it until perfection came. She slumped in his lap, then, as she came to that conclusion, her tension easing greatly as she realized that she'd let herself run right into a panic attack – all because of her lack of faith in her own decisions.
It hadn't been her mate she'd doubted, just herself.
Sighing, she looked up at him again, and smiled tentatively. “You're right, Sesshoumaru. I'm sorry I let myself get so carried away with my fears. I'm still new at this, though... and not really sure of myself. You... you're so different – you always show such confidence, no matter the odds, no matter the situation. I've always loved that about you – even back during our years as enemies. I couldn't help but be attracted to your certainty in your own skill.”
“And yet, I was not perfect, mate. Even I, Sesshoumaru, was defeated,” he said. “Even so, I did not show fear or uncertainty when confronted by Naraku's army, although I knew I could not win. Not even I could have taken on an entire army alone successfully.”
Kagome squeezed her eyes shut, his words bringing back the grief she had felt at his death – even though they had not been friends, then, nor lovers. Still, knowing he was gone, had changed something in her, and now, knowing what she knew, she could say it was because it was truly the start of her destiny, and his own.
That night she had spent beneath the Goshinboku at his grave was something she would never forget, and she had known then that she would not live through Naraku's demise. And she had perfectly well understood Sesshoumaru's words that he would wait for her – though she hadn't known why, back then. But those memories made her shiver, and clutch to her mate with desperate fingers. She raised tear-hazed eyes to him, and shook her head.
“Don't remind me of that time, Sesshoumaru. I hate remembering you as being dead. It hurts,” she murmured.
He pulled her closer into his chest, and sent her reassurance through their bond. “Do not fear such a thing, beloved,” he whispered. “It will never happen again.”
But he couldn't stop the hitch in his own heart at the memories of her death. As he'd told her when she was first getting to know his heart, he had followed her and her friends until the day she had passed, and had watched her battle, and her strength of will, doing what needed done, no matter what the cost to herself. She had courage, and while pride had been in him for her, watching her die had been the hardest thing he'd ever gone through. Seeing the damage to her, her body literally torn to shreds, and being unable to protect or save her, had caused him untold pain.
It was nothing he ever wanted to go through again, and so he could understand her pain, and her fear. Her dread of remembering that time. With a soft sigh, he opened his mind to her, and shared his memories of her death, and the pain it had caused him. And then, even worse, the trap that Sosa had set, ripping her from him, and leaving their new mating bond so stretched thin that he'd thought she was gone forever, sending him into agony-induced madness and rage.
She reciprocated, letting him see her own panic in the first moments of her entrapment, when she could feel his panic and pain – and then nothing. She had only calmed once Amaterasu had managed to break through to her. And then all she could think of was getting back to him.
It was a bonding time for them, sending and receiving each others love and respect between themselves, and shoring up Kagome's wavering confidence. It let him share his determination, and certainty in himself, and in her, and his sheer, overwhelming devotion to her, and their responsibilities to all their friends, and family, as well as all the rest of creation, as divinities.
And after a while, she calmed, and her aura settled, and filled with love for her mate, and her own determination not to fail anyone, but him most of all, she shifted in his lap, and looked up at him once more, smiling.
“I'm ready, Sesshoumaru. Thank you for sharing all of that with me,” she said, honored that he had opened everything of himself to her. She knew that he was not really comfortable with emotion, and to know that he would allow her to see his vulnerable heart, and open it fully to her, made her love him all the more.
He tugged her little pixie face to him, and kissed her, slowly, languorously, for several long moments, before pulling back and smiling for her. “We are one, my beloved. There would be little point in hiding myself from you, when it is not possible to in the first place. And truly, I do not want to hide anything of myself from you. For if I could not share myself with you fully, then there would have been no point in mating you. I trust you, Kagome, even with my well-hidden heart, such as it is.”
With one last, deep kiss, he stood, pulling her up with him effortlessly, and offered her his arm again, then led her back out to face the rest of their companions.
It was time to finish what had been started so many weeks before with their resurrections from death, and Kagome's ascension into divinity.
Time for a new creation, a new world, to go with the new order in the pantheon of the kami.
-cCc-
A/N: I apologize for the length of time it took me to get this chapter out. I've been fighting terrible writer's block on this one, and even now, this intermission chapter is all that came to me. Not a very exciting chapter, perhaps, but necessary.
Also, I haven't been answering much in the way of reviews on any of my stories – I've had a lot going on lately, and that takes away from my writing time. If I spend time answering reviews, I don't have as much to actually write. With that sort of choice, I will always choose to write more on my stories, though I read and enjoy all my reviews.
I thank you all for your patience with me on this story...
Amber
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Amaterasu watched with satisfaction as her champions gathered together and celebrated their victory, looking each other over, and making sure loved ones and friends were safe and unharmed. She was more pleased than she could say that her daughter had done her work so well, and was happy with her victory over her brother in their game.
Still, things were not quite finished, and she knew that Kagome actually dreaded this next part of things.
The whole problem she had with it was authority. She didn't like having to flaunt herself, exercising her will over creation. But it was something she had to get past, and that was why she had taken the route that she had with what was about to happen.
Kagome would have to learn to use that authority, and she would have to learn quickly, in a moment, for Sugimi was about to be called back to the other side, leaving Inuyasha, and even Sesshoumaru, saddened once again. Amaterasu was quite well aware that the one way to force Kagome into using her power, was to make it so that she was doing it to help someone she loved.
So she stepped forward, interrupting the celebration going on around her, to take everyone's attention and push her agenda right along, not feeling any remorse for it, either. She was a mother training her child, simple as that.
“Sugimi, my friend, it is time,” she said, watching as Kagome stiffened with realization, as did Sesshoumaru... but even more, Inuyasha. She surreptitiously watched him, knowing that it was he that would trigger Kagome's will.
“What? What's she talkin' about, old man?” he asked, eyes narrowing with worry.
Sugimi sighed, regret washing over him as he turned to look at his youngest son. He would miss him, and hated having to leave him again after just getting the chance to know him a little.
“I have to go back, Inuyasha. I was not given life again, only allowed to return for this battle. And besides... I would not leave your mother alone on the other side. I agreed to this, and I'm not sorry I did – for it gave me the chance to know you a little... the chance that I never had before,” he said, that regret over having to leave again shining brightly in luminescent golden eyes.
Then he turned to his oldest son, who had stayed back a little, next to his mate, who was frowning, tears already in her eyes at the expressions on Inuyasha's and Sugimi's faces, and the emotion she could feel from her own mate. Before he could say anything, though, Kagome broke into the now-heavy silence.
She whipped around to stare at her mother with suddenly slitted eyes. “What kind of deal was that? He comes here and pulls our butts out of the fire, and now he's gotta go back, leaving his sons behind again?”
Amaterasu didn't let her expression change. “Would you have him leave his mate behind, then? No matter which way you look at it, he would always be torn – either he has to leave his sons, or his mate.”
Kagome drew in a sharp breath, knowing how she would feel in this situation, having to leave Sesshoumaru behind. She didn't think she could do it, not even for her children – at least, not if they were grown. Still... she couldn't stand the look on Inuyasha's face, and even the sadness from her mate. Even though Sesshoumaru could go visit his father whenever he chose, he still didn't want to see him go back into death.
Closing her eyes, she said, almost to herself, “But why does he have to choose? Surely both being returned isn't too much a reward for his willingness to do what was asked of him. And besides... separating mates would be to unbalance them... but separating him from his sons again would be to do the same. Nobody should have to go through the pain of goodbyes twice, after all.” She opened her eyes and glared hard at the ground, and then nodded to herself.
When she lifted her face to the group once more, her eyes were determined, and her expression fierce.
“I say that this isn't right, and I'm not going to let it stay this way. After all, I have to make some decisions sometime, don't I? And if I have to make ones that suck sometimes, then I'm going to make some that don't, too. And this one doesn't.” Nodding decisively once more, she drew her aura around her, and then spoke, letting everyone know she meant business.
“In return for your assistance in this endeavor of the kami,” she cast a narrow glance at Amaterasu, who was simply watching, “it is my will that you, Sugimi-sama, and your mate, Izayoi-sama, be free to return to this realm if you so choose.” She looked over at a shocked Sugimi, and said, “Wait just a moment while I go fetch your lady, Sugimi-sama.”
Sesshoumaru finally spoke, stopping his mate from disappearing. “It is unseemly for you to call my father sama, Kagome. You are above lords now as the goddess that you are.”
She huffed at him and frowned. “Yeah, and as a goddess I can call anyone what I want to call them. Just because I have power, doesn't mean I can't be polite. He is a lord, even if I'm a goddess, and the proper address is sama,” she lectured her mate, as everyone around began grinning at the goddess reprimanding her mate. With another huff at his quirked brow, she disappeared.
Sugimi looked at his oldest son with amusement. “It seems as though your lady mate is most... opinionated, Sesshoumaru.” And then he frowned at his son's flat stare. “And god or not, boy, don't expect me to start simpering and kowtowing to you – you are still, and always will be, my son.”
A harsh laugh came from Inuyasha at that, and Sesshoumaru turned a very narrow glare on his brother. “You, Inuyasha, had best watch your disrespect,” he said loftily. “You are not father.”
At that moment, Kagome returned, a rather startled Izayoi in tow behind her, and stood her next to her mate. “Okay, now,” she started, catching Inuyasha's stunned, longing expression at sight of his mother. “You, Izayoi, and Sugimi, have a choice to make. Alive, or dead? Simple. Don't take too long deciding.”
Sesshoumaru blinked at his mate's short statements, even as Amaterasu chuckled. But Kagome's attention was caught at the expression on Izayoi's face as she caught sight of her son, and the tortured look on his face and in his eyes. And Kagome knew then what the decision was.
“So you both choose life, then?” she asked, and smiled; not waiting for any confirmation from the two, she closed her eyes and instantly, both the daiyoukai and his mate felt a warmth move over, and through them, and they knew that things would never be the same – they were once again fully alive and anchored to this realm, and they could have all the time in the world with their son. (And Sugimi could also once again harass his oldest son, as well.)
Both people were rendered speechless with gratitude for long moments, even as Inuyasha was not, leaping over to his best friend's side, he took her into his embrace fervently, to a growling Sesshoumaru's ultimate displeasure. Nyoko just chuckled.
Kagome scowled at her growling, glaring mate over Inuyasha's shoulder. “Oh, stop it, Sesshoumaru! I like to hug the people I care about, so get used to it.” With one final squeeze to her friend's shoulders, she stepped back, and watched as he happily bounded over to his parents and began hugging his mother.
Her attention was grabbed by her own divine mother stepping over to her and touching her arm. “Come, Kagome, Sesshoumaru. We have much to discuss as the rest of your companions enjoy the victory. You still have a great deal to do, Kagome, you know.” The young woman reluctantly nodded, and with a final glance at her friends, she turned with her mate to walk with Amaterasu.
She sighed, then looked over at her mother. “You did that on purpose, didn't you?”
Amaterasu, knowing what she was speaking of, nodded. “Yes. You have to learn to make decisions, Kagome. I knew that using your emotions against you would prod you in the right direction. But you cannot always use your emotions, my daughter,” she said seriously. “There are times when strict logic must be used.” She glanced over at Sesshoumaru, who had tipped his head in agreement. She smiled. “That is where I suspect your mate will be of great use to you. He will be able to temper your sometimes overly emotional responses.”
Kagome snorted. “Yeah. No kidding. And I'll be able to temper his need to be a stuck up jerk at times. When he starts getting a little too anal, I'll set him straight.”
The sun goddess, knowing the future reference Kagome was making, though her mate did not, laughed, while Sesshoumaru frowned. While he might not have directly understood her words, he did know they weren't a compliment.
He decided to play her little game, for the moment. “Have you tired of me already, mate?” he asked, voice low, a sense of triumph entering him at the horrified look she turned on him at his words.
“No! How could you even say that?” she whispered, upset... until she noted the look in his eyes, and the amusement in Amaterasu's. “Oh! You're messing with me, Sesshoumaru! That's not nice at all,” she pouted.
With a shake of her head, Amaterasu brought the conversation back to the serious side. “You two can play later. Right now, there are other things you need to be thinking of, Kagome. And you as well, Sesshoumaru. As the new god of chaos, you will also be responsible for recreating the world. Before, with no one directly in charge of balance, chaos was allowed to have far too much of a role in things, leaving Sosa the opportunity to cause much havoc, and wrest creation away from its original state. Now, with you and your mate balancing each other, as always should have been, things must change.”
Sesshoumaru nodded slowly, pondering her words. “It seems that there is much we need to think on, and decide, mate. Amaterasu-sama is correct. I think that we should go away somewhere where we will not be distracted, so that we may consider all, and make the correct decisions.”
But Kagome, and Amaterasu, both shook their heads. “No,” Kagome answered, a thoughtful look in her eyes. “We need to stay here, and take into account our resources, Sesshoumaru. While they might not be gods, our group collectively has a lot of wisdom to offer us in this. We should take into account what they have to offer. Of course, the final decision is ours, but...” she trailed off.
“She's correct, Sesshoumaru,” Amaterasu added, her support making the new god reconsider. “There are things they have to say that will help you. Don't hide yourself away simply because you are a god now. You'd be surprised at how much we've all learned at one time or another from mortals. After all, they have a view of creation and the world that we, as kami, often don't see.”
He considered that, and could do naught but agree; as one who had been at least semi-mortal up until recently, he was now seeing things differently than he had before as one who was not divine.
But he also remembered things as he'd known them then, and that would help in this decision – and suddenly, the one question he'd had in all this, why Amaterasu had allowed her daughter's birth, so to speak, to be so late in the game, and now, also, his own into the world as the god of chaos. This was why. Because they now had the benefit of a point-of-view that none of the other kami would ever have.
She was, he could see, the ultimate general and tactician, and Sesshoumaru was left with an almost ironic sense of amusement that males, in general, considered females incapable of such. It was obviously an erroneous conclusion on the part of them all, and that had amply been shown not only by Amaterasu, but his own little mate's intelligence.
“Very well. I can see that in this you are both correct.” He cast a sideways glance at Kagome, then, a sly look on his face. “However, I do believe we should leave the half-breed out of our deliberations – we do not want to make matters worse, after all.”
The slender goddess of the sun couldn't help but laugh at the back and forth from Sesshoumaru and Kagome, shaking her head ruefully, she knew that things were definitely going to be different with Kagome's rather irreverent sense of humor now being let loose amongst the other kami. And her mate's opposite stoic facade, yet love of needling her, would provide a great deal of entertainment for herself over the years.
Kagome rounded on her mate, growling at him. “Oh, give it a rest, Sesshoumaru! Inuyasha's not that bad!” She stopped then, her face scrunching up as she thought about her own words, and then she smiled sheepishly at his snort. “Well, okay, sometimes he is, but still!”
Amaterasu broke in before they could get too far off-track again, knowing that their time was running out, and dampened their fun with her serious expression. “There will be time enough for enjoyment when you have figured things out, Kagome, Sesshoumaru. Right now, creation is in a sort of stasis that will not last – and now that Sosa's plans have been stopped, once that stasis wears off, things will deteriorate at a much faster pace. You only have a short time to get things together, so there really is no time to waste.”
Her stern words sobered both, and Sesshoumaru nodded, all business now. It was apparent from Kagome's expression that her natural exuberance had also been muted. With an approving glance, she turned them back around, and began to walk back to the rest of those still gathered and trying to take in the victory – as well as those that were now gathering, wondering what was next.
As they reached their companions once more, Amaterasu spoke. “I will take my leave of you both, now, and let you all get down to business.” She smiled at her daughter, and then faded away, leaving them alone with the rest of the group staring at them silently, wondering what was going on, and what the goddess' final words had meant.
Kagome met Sesshoumaru's gaze, and then sighed, turning to look at the group, she spoke just loud enough for everyone near to hear her.
“It's not over, everyone. Yes, the battle is done,” she said, waving her hands at the suddenly wary group, “but... the world is now still. That won't last long, though, and if I don't figure out how to address the wounds done to this creation, then it'll start to degenerate.” She met each person's shocked gaze with her own subdued one, and finished, “I want all your help. I want to talk this out, and maybe you all can come up with some good ideas.”
As they all stood around taking in her words, Sesshoumaru met his father's gaze, and Sugimi took control of the group, leaving his son to calm his worried mate.
“I think we should all adjourn to the command tent,” he said decisively, taking his mate's arm and turning to lead the way.
Sesshoumaru copied his father and took his own mate's arm, his eyes smiling down at her as she turned her big pansy eyes on him, her fear of failing everyone clear in her gaze.
“Do not worry so, mate. We will find the correct path, you and I, and we will walk it.”
Kagome nodded morosely, not quite having the faith that her mate seemed to. Sure, if it were all being left up to him, she'd be fine – no worries at all. After all, Sesshoumaru was not one to make mistakes. But she, herself? Gods only knew how prone she was to messing things up. What had happened earlier with Sosa and the battle and all, had been bad enough – and that had been easy compared to what Amaterasu was now asking of her.
The only thing that was holding her sanity in place was her mate's presence, and the fact that he was, as her mate, just as bound by this mess as she was. She wasn't facing it alone.
Sesshoumaru wished at that point that they had a little more time – he wanted nothing more than to take his mate away from this long, bloody day, and soothe her and himself in the most intimate way possible. It would only be to the good to have some time for Kagome to come down from the natural high of battle, and get a chance to relax. It would have been better for her state of mind. Unfortunately, that wasn't an option, and so he knew his little mate would have to set aside her stress and her fear in order to save creation from dissolving around them.
But he could take his little mate aside in the tent for a few minutes, and help her to calm down enough to function. The world could wait that long. And so, once they stepped into the large tent set up for the battle, he turned to his father.
“We will join you shortly, my mate needs a few minutes to think on things and steady her nerves.” As Sugimi nodded, Sesshoumaru led his little female to the back of the tent, stepping behind the partition, and sitting down on the few cushions spread there for comfort, settling his mate in his lap.
“Come, koi, there is nothing to fear,” he said softly to her, pitching his voice so no other would hear. “Much has been asked of you since we were returned from the other realms, my mate, but you are capable of answering the need, and much more. Do not devalue yourself with thoughts of failure.”
She shook her head, her stress rising. “But...!” she started, and he shook his head at her.
“No. This one will not allow you to fall, beloved,” he said, his eyes fierce as he looked down at her. “We will do this together, and we will succeed. There is no other option. Anything at this point is better than destabilization of creation and dissipation. Do you not agree?”
Eyes wide, Kagome thought about that. It was true – perhaps there was no wrong or right, here. After all, whatever decision they came to, at the very least, creation would once again have a supporting balance of some sort. And if things were not quite correct, then they could fine tune things as they went, continually changing whatever needed it until perfection came. She slumped in his lap, then, as she came to that conclusion, her tension easing greatly as she realized that she'd let herself run right into a panic attack – all because of her lack of faith in her own decisions.
It hadn't been her mate she'd doubted, just herself.
Sighing, she looked up at him again, and smiled tentatively. “You're right, Sesshoumaru. I'm sorry I let myself get so carried away with my fears. I'm still new at this, though... and not really sure of myself. You... you're so different – you always show such confidence, no matter the odds, no matter the situation. I've always loved that about you – even back during our years as enemies. I couldn't help but be attracted to your certainty in your own skill.”
“And yet, I was not perfect, mate. Even I, Sesshoumaru, was defeated,” he said. “Even so, I did not show fear or uncertainty when confronted by Naraku's army, although I knew I could not win. Not even I could have taken on an entire army alone successfully.”
Kagome squeezed her eyes shut, his words bringing back the grief she had felt at his death – even though they had not been friends, then, nor lovers. Still, knowing he was gone, had changed something in her, and now, knowing what she knew, she could say it was because it was truly the start of her destiny, and his own.
That night she had spent beneath the Goshinboku at his grave was something she would never forget, and she had known then that she would not live through Naraku's demise. And she had perfectly well understood Sesshoumaru's words that he would wait for her – though she hadn't known why, back then. But those memories made her shiver, and clutch to her mate with desperate fingers. She raised tear-hazed eyes to him, and shook her head.
“Don't remind me of that time, Sesshoumaru. I hate remembering you as being dead. It hurts,” she murmured.
He pulled her closer into his chest, and sent her reassurance through their bond. “Do not fear such a thing, beloved,” he whispered. “It will never happen again.”
But he couldn't stop the hitch in his own heart at the memories of her death. As he'd told her when she was first getting to know his heart, he had followed her and her friends until the day she had passed, and had watched her battle, and her strength of will, doing what needed done, no matter what the cost to herself. She had courage, and while pride had been in him for her, watching her die had been the hardest thing he'd ever gone through. Seeing the damage to her, her body literally torn to shreds, and being unable to protect or save her, had caused him untold pain.
It was nothing he ever wanted to go through again, and so he could understand her pain, and her fear. Her dread of remembering that time. With a soft sigh, he opened his mind to her, and shared his memories of her death, and the pain it had caused him. And then, even worse, the trap that Sosa had set, ripping her from him, and leaving their new mating bond so stretched thin that he'd thought she was gone forever, sending him into agony-induced madness and rage.
She reciprocated, letting him see her own panic in the first moments of her entrapment, when she could feel his panic and pain – and then nothing. She had only calmed once Amaterasu had managed to break through to her. And then all she could think of was getting back to him.
It was a bonding time for them, sending and receiving each others love and respect between themselves, and shoring up Kagome's wavering confidence. It let him share his determination, and certainty in himself, and in her, and his sheer, overwhelming devotion to her, and their responsibilities to all their friends, and family, as well as all the rest of creation, as divinities.
And after a while, she calmed, and her aura settled, and filled with love for her mate, and her own determination not to fail anyone, but him most of all, she shifted in his lap, and looked up at him once more, smiling.
“I'm ready, Sesshoumaru. Thank you for sharing all of that with me,” she said, honored that he had opened everything of himself to her. She knew that he was not really comfortable with emotion, and to know that he would allow her to see his vulnerable heart, and open it fully to her, made her love him all the more.
He tugged her little pixie face to him, and kissed her, slowly, languorously, for several long moments, before pulling back and smiling for her. “We are one, my beloved. There would be little point in hiding myself from you, when it is not possible to in the first place. And truly, I do not want to hide anything of myself from you. For if I could not share myself with you fully, then there would have been no point in mating you. I trust you, Kagome, even with my well-hidden heart, such as it is.”
With one last, deep kiss, he stood, pulling her up with him effortlessly, and offered her his arm again, then led her back out to face the rest of their companions.
It was time to finish what had been started so many weeks before with their resurrections from death, and Kagome's ascension into divinity.
Time for a new creation, a new world, to go with the new order in the pantheon of the kami.
-cCc-
A/N: I apologize for the length of time it took me to get this chapter out. I've been fighting terrible writer's block on this one, and even now, this intermission chapter is all that came to me. Not a very exciting chapter, perhaps, but necessary.
Also, I haven't been answering much in the way of reviews on any of my stories – I've had a lot going on lately, and that takes away from my writing time. If I spend time answering reviews, I don't have as much to actually write. With that sort of choice, I will always choose to write more on my stories, though I read and enjoy all my reviews.
I thank you all for your patience with me on this story...
Amber
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