InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ In the Beginning... ❯ I Must Not Soften... ( Chapter 6 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

~*So I haven't updated in a while... Gomen! I was out of town for a week, so, no 'puter. I'll try to make this chappy extra long for y'all, then. K? K. Now on with it.*~

DISCLAIMER: *pouts* If I have to type this one more time...

Chapter Six: I Must Not Soften...

Ten Months

We have been travelling at a leisurely pace for the past month. Gendo has informed me that we will be reaching our destination by nightfall tomorrow. There we will make camp. My parents will set up their camp at the center of the western border, Abunai and Kiri at the far northern edge, myself and Gendo at the far southern edge, with the clans of Majuumi, Chikara, and Kuroi interspersed between the three of us. The ningen of the Hosokawa clan will not be able to approach the western border with this force guarding it. Until they attack, my father has ordered our forces to wait.

The past month has been tedious, although our pace has been slow. When I questioned Gendo about our speed, he merely said, "It is as my lord has commanded. Besides," he had smiled here, "we don't want to wear out the women before we even begin the battle." He had laughed then, a light-hearted laugh. As if sharing a joke on a warm summer's day. How he can act so carefree when we march towards battle, I do not know.

Rei has been very busy, keeping up morale among her charges. Little Rinsuke, however, seems as determined as ever. In my little free time, I watch her run here and there, delivering messages, relaying orders, performing menial tasks such as gathering firewood and water. While the soldiers are anxious, many of the servants are forlorn. They go about their duties with somber faces, as if they were following us to their doom. Rei has quite a task in reminding them that their masters would never lead them to certain death, that they should trust us with their lives, as we have always protected them. I do not envy the young hanyou; we have placed a great weight on her small shoulders.

I have not seen much of Rei, except during mealtimes and occasional glances as she moves around the camp. I find myself actually missing her company, the talks we used to have. She has become a good friend to me, as well as a lover. I do not, however, find my emotions going beyond this. I do not feel the bond between her and I that would require taking her as my mate. Rei is simply a companion, someone to fill the empty space until I find the right one. I begin wondering if I shall ever take a mate. First, I will have to survive this war. As we near the front lines, I find my nervousness overtaking my excitement. What if something goes wrong? What if my parents are hurt? Or Gendo? Or Abunai or Kiri? Kami-sama forbid, something should happen to any of them, or any of the other members of the council. What if Rei or Rinsuke are killed or taken prisoner? Jaken taught me that servants are often taken, women especially desirable. Children are easy to control. They would be prime targets. As their lord, it is my responsibility to protect them. I will protect them, with my own life if necessary. I could not live with the guilt otherwise.

The journey has been rather uneventful, messengers of the Uma clan galloping back and forth between armadas, delivering orders from my father. Most are simple, "Stop traveling for one day," or "No change in the position of the enemy." I long for some action, and have begun wandering into the woods near camp when I can. Tonight, I will take another of my walks, and perform kata exercises until I am exhausted. My body feels stiff and useless, and I use these exercises to stay in shape.

Jaken's screeching voice has come to annoy me of late, and I find myself growling at the poor kaeru youkai more and more. I feel guilty now, thinking of how much he has taught me over the years. Now, however, he is my vassal, my underling. Perhaps it is just my natural instincts to show ferocity, to keep him afraid so he maintains his respect. If he had not become a quivering gelatinous blob of late, I would not use his weakness against him. Occasionally, we fall back into the roles of teacher and student, but those occurrences are happening less and less.

As I write this, I glance around my tent. A fire burns warmly in the center, a hole cut above it to vent the smoke. Gendo is asleep across from me on his bed of furs, maps littering the ground beside it. We have the doorflaps pulled back to allow the warm southern breeze, and I hear only the crackle of the flames and twitters of forest creatures. All is quiet in the camp, most are sleeping, with the exception of the night guard. Oh, now, what is this? Apparently, another is awake. Rinsuke is peeking around one of the door flaps. I nearly missed her scent, covered by the fragrant smoke from the fire. Should I acknowledge her prescence? Perhaps if I ignore her she will simply go away.

I hear a quiet, "Sesshomaru-sama?" whispered from the door. It would be inaudible if not for my youkai hearing. No chance for her going away, then. I'll have to finish this after she is gone.

Rinsuke has finally fallen asleep. After she called to me, I waved her over, coldly gazing at her, unblinking. I must not soften toward this child. "Rinsuke had a nightmare," she admitted finally, clutching her hands together near her chest. I snorted at her, and asked why she had come to me then. "Rinsuke did not want to be alone. Rei is busy, and needs her rest. Rinsuke did not want to wake her. Will you let Rinsuke stay until she falls asleep?"

I found myself having to turn away from her pleading eyes, so frightened, pleading for my aid. How have I let this ningen get to me? I once wished for a sibling to play with, but my parents decided that one was enough. My father required only one heir. Now I feel myself thinking of Rinsuke as that younger sister I never had, requiring her older brother's protection.

She had placed her hand on mine, rousing me from my thoughts. I turned once again toward her to be met by her deep brown eyes. In them I saw loss, despair, sorrow, and most of all, fear. Emotions she never exhibited to me before. My overwhelming instinct to protect broke my hardened exterior. I did not smile, but nodded. She crawled beside me, curling up on the soft furs of my bed, and placed her head in my lap. I resisted the urge to run my fingers through her raven hair. I must not soften toward this child.

Rinsuke's breathing is deep and rhythmic, her small hand clutching the cloth of my hakama. I cannot help but smile down at her. Now that she is unconscious, I can give into my previous urge. I let my fingers slip through her raven locks. It feels soft as silk. My exercises will have to be left until tomorrow. Rinsuke needs her rest. I must make sure that she is gone before Gendo awakens, though, or there will be questions asked that I do not wish to answer. Until then, I will enjoy the comfort she gives me. What is it about this child that soothes me? Why do I trust her to be near me while I sleep?

Perhaps I will never know the answers myself.

Review Responses:

iy lvr: Thanks for the review! The battles should start in the next chapter, or perhapst the one after that...

~*Awww.... kawaii! Who knew Sesshy was so sweet? Gomen again for the long wait everyone! Please review and let me know what you think. Ja ne, minna!*~