InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ In the Beginning... ❯ Loss ( Chapter 10 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

~*Gomen nasai, minna! I know it's been longer than normal between updates, but so much has been going on lately... and Christmas is still coming. *sigh* Well, you don't want to hear about my problems, you came here to read! So here it is, the next chapter, long overdue. Enjoy!*~

DISCLAIMER: Nope, not mine.


Chaper Ten: Loss

One Year, One Month

The return trip went by much faster than the original journey. We returned to the castle late last night. I was happy to slip into the hot springs, allowing the warm water to soothe my aching muscles and wash away the grime from the trip. As I soaked, thoughts of Rei returned to me. I cried for her, finally allowing myself to feel the sadness of loss. Every moment we spent together in the past year flashed through my mind - Rei smiling, her soft caresses, her kisses, the way her eyes rolled back slightly as she reached ecstacy. I feel a dull ache in my gut, a lingering pain from the sharp stab of sorrow I felt last night. Thinking about Rei made me recall my promise to her, her last wish. Rinsuke. I must get her back safely.

My mother's body was cremated before we broke camp, and her ashes traveled back with us, my father clutching the urn to his chest the entire time. We buried her remains in the garden this morning, erecting a miniature shrine below her favorite sakura tree. Father remained stoic, so I held back my tears as well. He has spent the hours since in his quarters, refusing to face anyone. Servants have left food outside the door, but he hasn't touched a single tray.

Following the ceremony this morning, I followed my father's example, and headed to my quarters to grieve alone. Again I recalled every waking moment spent with a woman, reaching far back to childhood. I remember her smile, her patience, playing, singing, her understanding, her strength. Again I cried for a woman I knew. Two lives lost, for what gain?

After taking my noon meal alone in my quarters, I went to check on our little "bargaining chip". She is perhaps five years older than I, young even in ningen standards. Were I not so repulsed by her heritage, I would find the onna attractive. She has long black hair she wears loose, and her many colored and layered kimonos show her noble stature. She wears a smile, eventhough I know she is full of despair at the present situation. I cannot wait until we exchange her for Rinsuke. If only my father could pull himself out of his grief.

The ningen has been put to work in the kitchens, and upon further investigation, I found that she was the one delivering my father's food. I watched undetected as she brought his evening meal, meekly knocking on the sliding screen door, and announcing the arrival of his food. She kneeled there for a minute, but no reply came through the door. Not a sound could be detected inside. With a sigh, she stood and left. Something about her seems frustrated, her walk tainted with resignation and despair. As if she actually cared for my father's condition as a loyal servant.

A terminal failing of the ningen, to harbor concern for others. We youkai are far more particular about those we allow to enter our walls, to pierce our shell. I have to laugh, re-reading that comment. I find that I had behaved oddly like a ningen, allowing Rei and Rinsuke to matter to me. I mustn't allow that to happen again so easily. I will not allow this to effect my mission, though. A promise is a promise, and one made on a deathbed is not to be taken lightly. When Rinsuke is returned, I must remain strong and not allow her to affect me. No one but my future mate will be allowed to do so.

Despite my loss, I feel the dull ache abating. The strong fire of hatred is filling the emptiness inside my mind. With the exception of Rinsuke, I despise all ningen. Even my "bargaining chip". I need her, so I must force myself not to recoil in her prescence. A strong hunger for her blood fills me, and I am struggling to suppress it. She will do me no good if she is dead.

Although I feel grief, the hatred is much more pleasant, so I focus on that. Suppress the grief, the loss. Fuel the fire of my hatred. Cursed ningen. Their pride brought their death, as well as the death of the innocent. If they had acquiesced, all of this mess could have been avoided. They brought this fate upon themselves. Death to all ningen! I will never again take pity on the pathetic beings. Their weakness is my strength. Their death shall be my life.

Idly, I wonder what happened to the grief for my mother and Rei. No matter, grief is a weakness I cannot afford.


Attention all reviewers: I received emails telling me I had reviews from iy lvr, inudemonness, and one other whose name I deleted before writing down (gomen!). For some reason, mm doesn't want to display the reviews, but I want to thank you for reviewing anyway!

~*A/N: Yay, another chapter done! I probably won't be able to post chapter 11 until the 26th, so at least I'm warning you this time that it will be longer than my usual week. After all the chaos has settled, I should be able to return to a regular posting schedule. Gomen again for the long wait, minna! Ja ne!*~