InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Inevitable ❯ Acrimonious ( Chapter 14 )

Disclaimer: I tire of these statements. Inuyasha isn't mine. There.

 

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay! Procrastination, no matter what I seem to tell it, does simply not seem to get the idea.

 

Many thanks go to Wendy again, who takes the time and care out of her day to go through these chapters for me.

 

 

Inevitable

 

Chapter 14

Acrimonious

 

 

 

Memories are odd things, and I have found that they are often triggered by things of an even stranger nature. The smell of soap brings me back to that day.

 

It had been a servant, of course. “Inuyasha-sama,” they'd spoken, their voice laced with awe, respect and fear. I only shared the latter.

 

He must have done something, for the next thing I heard was the hurried movements of the servants bowing and rushing out of the bath house, and from the corner of my eye I saw their feet dash through the open doorway. The last one tripped and scrambled outside on their knees. Then I saw his feet step inside, and my insides twisted.

 

They did not step towards me for a moment, remaining still and motionless, but the hairs rising on my arms told me that he was staring. I looked away, and it was at that moment that I heard him walk closer.

 

My entire body tensed with the approach of his presence. `Oh gods,' I had been thinking, `oh gods don't let him touch me.'

 

He did, though. My aversion to it was quite apparent but he did it anyway; I suppose I should have been expecting it, for words had never been his forte.

 

“Oi.”

 

You see?

 

Although, of all the things he could have said, I've always been somewhat perplexed by his word choice. He always, always managed to surprise me, in some way or another.

 

But that had almost stung.

 

“Oi,” he repeated, and shook my shoulder gently. Very gently.

 

“Oi.”

 

After hearing it for the third time, I laughed, despite how I wished not to.

 

“Oi - Kagome! What's so funny?” he demanded, and the familiarity of his voice and tone…of him nearly turned my laughter into tears.

 

I stopped. “…Is that all you can say?”

 

“What…” he trailed off. The oddness and simplicity of our conversation just about made me sick.

 

Feeling suddenly weary and no longer frightened, only very…tired, and old, I slowly stood on weak legs. Sighing loudly, I turned around and looked at him for the first time in days.

 

His expression was one of slight surprise, whether at my appearance or the fact that I was actually facing him…I don't know, but that's how I remember it.

 

He looked exactly the same time, and yet, at the same time, so different.

 

He was clean, not dirty or travel-worn as I'd been expecting after hearing of his prolonged absence, and he wore his hair and clothes the way he always had, and even his gruff expression was recognizable. Everything about him was as I remembered, but there was an undeniable difference that I could not place. But he was so familiar that I'd wanted to believe he was the same, the same boy I'd met years ago.

 

But it was not a boy that stood before me, it was a man.

 

And perhaps that was the startling difference I couldn't place. Perhaps it was only then that I was seeing it, truly. I remember noticing that his face looked gaunter then before, and he was a little taller too - or were those observations simply ones I had failed to make long ago?

 

He was so much…starker, everything about him. From his eyes to his posture to the set of his jaw, he looked so much older and different and yet the same, and the realization of it all made my chest constrict in pain.

 

And then he had frowned, crossed his arms over his chest and said, “What the hell are you staring at?”

 

I burst into tears.

 

That, he had obviously not been expecting, but his reaction was instantaneous, and he reached out to grab me, but I quickly backed away and out of his reach.

 

“Please…don't, just try not to touch me, okay?” I asked, wiping furiously at my tears.

 

“Kagome…”

 

“Well what did you expect?” I snapped. “That you'd come back and everything would be fine?”

 

“'Course I didn't! I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I'm not fucking stupid, Kagome!” he yelled, his features twisting with frustration and anger.

 

“Stop saying that!” I screamed, covering my face with my hands.

 

“Saying what?”

 

“My name!” I yelled, the salty taste of tears and snot on my tongue. I sniffed and wiped my nose on my sleeve hastily.

 

It seemed I had shocked him into a state of silence, but his mouth only dropped open for a second before he immediately shut it, his face adopting an unusual expression of calm. That frightened me more than his anger ever had.

 

After a time, he'd said, “…What?”

 

Meeting his gaze with my watery one, I breathed out slowly. “…Just, stop saying it,” I'd whispered, and when he opened his mouth, I cut him off before he managed to yell at me again. “You can't just…” I rubbed my temples, “refer to me so…casually, so…normally, because you know damn well that everything's not.”

 

“Kagome, make some fucking se -”

 

“See!?” I interrupted. “There you go again! Talking to me as if everything is just fine and perfect even though nothing is! Don't you understand? Everything has changed. We can't go back.”

 

When I'd finished I lowered my head and said softly, “Don't you see?”

 

About him there seemed to be a heaviness pressing down on him, as if it were trying to cripple him. He did not reply immediately, not until I backed so far away that I felt the wall against my back. For some reason unknown to me, I never panicked.

 

“Kagome - and don't you start on that again! I've always called you `Kagome' and I'm not going to stop now just because of...” He searched for the right words and failed so continued on and left it hanging.

 

“Kagome - stop looking at me like that - you know I feel fucking sorry for…everything...”

 

“Of course I do!” I burst out before he could finish. “But that doesn't change anything! It's over,” I said with a weary desperation, “over - don't you understand the meaning of the word? Haven't we had this conversation before?”

 

He still did not have a very outward appearance of anger.

 

“I already said I'm not fucking stupid, Kagome. And the last time we had this `conversation' you were going fucking insane!”

 

“Oh, and of course you weren't!”

 

“I got a hold of myself, damn it!”

 

“Only after you'd realized you almost raped me!”

 

I barely had time to even register the horrified look on his face before his hands were gripping my shoulders and pressing me against the wall.

 

“Trying to finish what you started?” I said sardonically.

 

He flinched visibly but did not remove his hands.

 

“What do you want, Kagome?”

 

The fatigue in his voice startled me, and I blinked, taking a moment to study his face, and for a very brief instant, I thought I saw the boy for whom I'd been searching for so long.

 

I pushed his arms away, and he didn't resist.

 

“I want to know why.”

 

“That doesn't exactly narrow it down, Kagome.”

 

Sliding down the wall and hitting the floor with a quiet thump, I tried not to cry but did anyway, and looked up at him. “Do you love me…Inuyasha?”

 

I cannot find the words to describe the look I had then seen upon his face. Surprise, sadness, shock, panic…there was such a myriad of emotion that I hadn't been able to decipher it, so many flitting across his features and always changing, as if he had been unable to decide on which he was feeling.

 

He had not looked away when he answered me.

 

“No.”

 

And for perhaps the hundredth time, I had felt my heart shatter into pieces. Only that time I hadn't been able to remember how to put them back together again.