InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Insight ❯ One-Shot

It was one of those days meant to be remembered, the kind that lingering in the mind and bringing warm smiles and lingering contentment after journeys have ended or friends have gone their separate ways. In spite of the clichéd perfection of the day, the pleasantly warm spring weather and cheery scenery dotted with bright colors and sweet fragrances, even the most stoic of cynics would be forced to acknowledge it would be hard to feel bad on such a day.

For the small group of friends taking a break from their rigorous travels, the levity derived from the cheerful surroundings was much appreciated. Savoring the warm sun shine and comfortable breeze, the five friends has spread a large cloth out in the middle of a field that, for once, was filled with flowers instead of corpses. None of them were in a hurry to move on after finishing their meal, though one had made a token protest to the delay.

Miroku had to chuckle at his companions. Inuyasha was making a concerted effort to make to appear uninterested in an activity he coined as only being for “pathetically lazy ass humans”. The hanyou was crouched down on his haunches, sulking pointedly at the girl who was focusing intently on the book in her lap. His irritation grew exponentially with the longer she went without acknowledging his presence and the longer the little kitsune kit sat on his head doing his best to gnaw on the furry little dog ears buried in his thick silver hair.

 

With a frustrated growl Inuyasha took a swipe at the kit, who quickly hopped out of claw range and scampered off with a childish cackle. His muscle bunched and contracted, preparing to pounce after the brat. He froze; however, when without taking her eyes from the text in front of her, Kagome lifted a hand to his head, captured one of the injured appendages and rub at it gently. Her tender ministrations didn't last long before the hanyou pulled back, grouching that he wasn't a “damn lap dog” and stomped off. But, Miroku hadn't missed the heated flush, tinting his neck and cheeks the color of his hoari. Miroku had to give Kagome credit for her methods when he noticed Inuyasha hadn't followed the kit to give him the thump he'd earned. He turned to see if Sango shared in his amusement only to find she had moved away from the group. Her whole aura screamed her sorrow and worry.

 

Miroku grimaced in understanding. Since she had agreed to be his wife when…if…they defeated Naraku, something had changed between the two of them. There was a tension there that had never existed before. He knew he was to blame. On more than one occasion, she had hinted that she wanted to deepen their relationship; that she didn't wish to wait until the end of their quest to be close with him. He'd overheard a conversation between her and Kagome when they thought everyone else was asleep. They'd had an encounter with Kikyou and the undead miko had made a comment that had upset Kagome more than usual. Jealous and Infuriated that Inuyasha's feelings for Kagome had finally led him to tell her he would not be held to the promise she had deceived him into giving to descend into hell with her, Kikyou had retaliated by striking at the hanyou's deepest fears.

 

“You will regret your selfish desires soon enough, Inuyasha. Not only do you degrade yourself by breaking your vow to me, you chose to infect another woman with your unnatural desires. Because of my associations with your taint I was weakened to such an extent to give Naraku the opportunity to attack. If my powers were so easily stolen, how long do you think it will take you to defile my copy, as weak as she is?”

 

Kikyou's words had stuck a home, and Miroku had seen the fear and uncertainty in his friend's eyes. After that he'd avoided touching Kagome at all costs, as if he fear even the briefest of contact would hurt her. Kagome had told Sango that even if Kikyou's baseless accusations were true, nothing in the world would prevent her from being with Inuyasha.

 

“But Kagome-chan,” Sango had hedged. “Do you mean you would…give yourself to him when the outcome of our fight with Naraku is so uncertain?”

 

Kagome smiled wanly at her friend, and in that moment the ageless wisdom of her soul made her look much older than her years.

 

“I'll admit that if Inuyasha and I do ever make love, I don't know if I could handle losing him, if Naraku or Kikyou succeed in killing him or if I'm forced to return to my time. But, I do know the pain and regret I'll feel everyday of my life if I waste any chance I have to show him how much I love him would be far worse.”

 

Since that night, Sango had started to make cautious overtures to him, uncertain invitations to become more intimate. He had pretended to not notice, or in his more ignorant moments moved to distract her by flirting with any of the women they passed along the way. While effective, the hurt in her eyes made him seriously consider turning the kazanna on himself. He was an ass. He knew that Sango was self-conscious about the kind of physical affection that came so easy for Kagome and Inuyasha, and his own less than virtuous tendencies frustrated and confused her. That he was refusing her tentative advances… No matter how much he wished to be closer to her, no matter how badly he ached for her, he would not risk the possibility of ruining her life if he were to die.

 

No matter what Kagome thought, Miroku knew from experience the shame and pain that he would leave behind. He could still hear the weak rattling of his mother's coughing as she slowly worked herself to death in a brothel, struggling to feed her son when the those she had once trusted, closed their doors to her. His father had died before they could be married, and soon afterwards she had realized she was pregnant. She was disowned by her parents and shunned by her friends when she decided to keep her bastard child. But, even the shame of being unmarried with a child paled when compared to the haunted look he had seen in her eyes the day the kazanna had opened in his hand. She hadn't been aware until that day the curse followed their bloodline and the guilt she felt at bringing him into the world with such a burden destroyed her. Still coming to turns with the burden himself, he hadn't seen how serious her despair was. He'd been the one to find her a few days later. She'd left no note behind, but he knew in his heart why she had chosen to die. Miroku realized that day his curse was not the kazanna, but to know he would only bring pain and death to those he loved.

Until he could rid himself of the curse, ensured their future children would not be burdened as he was, he could not, would not, give into his selfish need to find comfort in her touch. If nothing else came from his friendship with Inuyasha, he'd learned no matter what the cost, and man protects the people he loved, even if it had to be from himself. He just prayed Sango would wait until then. But for now…he couldn't stand seeing her like she was now. Whenever things quieted down, and she had a chance to think about the future, the fear he saw in her, when she was the bravest person he'd ever known, clawed at his heart.

 

Rising to his feet, he moved to her side.

 

“I think they're disagreements get even more amusing with time.”

 

Sango's head snapped up at his voice and stared at him in confusion as he sat down beside her.

 

“What was that, Houshi-sama? I wasn't listening.”

 

He smiled at her distracted tone.

 

“Kagome-sama and Inuyasha,” he explained. “She managed to get a hold of his ears when he was distracted by Shipper. I swear I heard him purr before he remembered he still thinks we believe him when he says he hates it.” He allowed his amused chuckle to slip out when she smiled a bit as well.

 

“Well, you know how much he hates to be touched in public,” she mused. “Kagome-chan tells me when they're alone he's gotten better. I suppose it's hard to let go of a fear when you can't admit you have.”

 

Miroku frowned slightly, confused.

 

“What do you mean?” he asked.

 

Sango was silent a moment before she answered.

 

“Inuyasha is afraid that if he lets people see how much he cares for them, it will make them leave him. It's easier for him to be alone than to take a chance at happiness, because he doesn't believe it will last any longer than it has in the past.”

 

Miroku sought out the hanyou and found him sitting in a tree, completely focused on Kagome, who had abandoned her book and was playing with Shippou. He looked sad, his regret and longing completely undisguised since he thought no one was paying attention. Miroku had never stopped to actually consider Inuyasha's situation. They weren't that different in their troubles. Silently reinforcing his determination to defeat the one who'd cause those problems, he turned back to Sango.

 

She was staring steadily back at him and he could almost see the thoughts running through her head. He had to change the topic before she asked him asked him the question he wasn't ready to answer.

 

“Well, after so long without real friends, he'll have to start small to get comfortable,” he teased to distract her and eased closer to her side. “Perhaps once he gets the courage to tell his ramen how much he cares he'll finally be ready to tell Sesshomaru how much he loves him.”

 

Sango gave him a look that clearly indicated his wit had fallen short, but she couldn't prevent the giggles the image it created. Then, as suddenly as it began her laughter was cut off, her body tensing. When her eyebrows began to twitch, he braced himself for her response.

 

“Hou-shi-sa-ma…” she growled.

 

CRACK!!!

 

“PERVERT!”

 

Several minutes later, as the others were packing things up to start off again, Miroku's face was still stinging form the force of her blow. While contrary to appearances, he really didn't enjoy getting beat, it was worth the pain to put off the inevitable confrontation he could feel coming. He didn't know what he would do, but the longer he could prevent it the happier he'd be. Inuyasha came up beside him, shaking his head in wonder at the way he was gingerly touching the tips of his fingers to his bright red cheek.

 

“You know, bouzu,” the hanyou drawled. “You're pretty fucking stupid, even for a human.”

 

Miroku smiled thinly, silently agreeing with his friend. He held up his covered hand and shrugged as carelessly as he could.

 

“I cannot help myself,” he confessed, allowing his teasing tone to gift himself with a moment of total honesty. “I'm cursed.”

 

Inuyasha cocked his head, one ear twitching back and forth.

 

“You're pretty fucked up, know,” he mused before brushing past him to take up Kagome's gargantuan pack.

 

Miroku collected his own belongings. Wrapping his fingers around the cool metal of his staff, he pulled as much reassurance from its familiar weight as he could.

 

“Yeah,” he mumbled and fell into step behind his friends, maintaining a distance from their excited conversations. “I guess I am.”