InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Into the East ❯ Coping ( Chapter 25 )

Into the East

Chapter twenty-five: Coping

Posted: 16 September 2008

Characters originally appearing in the anime/manga Inuyasha © Rumiko Takahashi

Everything else © me

 

The morning sun shone warm on their backs, but Sesshoumaru took no comfort from it. He studied Vanessa from the corner of his eye. Shizu and Kaminari had only left the day before, but she was having an astonishingly difficult time coping. She looked pale and she'd hardly said anything more than “Good morning” since they set out at dawn. He didn't know what to do, what to say to make it right. A probe into their link told him nothing. There was actually a hollow feel to it, as if a part of her had been left behind when others went home. It was absurd, but it worried him. How would she react when they finally parted ways?

 

“We might try to find an inn for the night,” he suggested, breaking the gloomy silence. “I think I would like to have a real bed beneath me again.” Sesshoumaru peered down at her until she looked up, her eyes listless and dim.

 

“An inn?” He hated to see that look, hated feeling that deep sadness rolling off of her. He was starting to understand why… but still he denied it. Did he dare hope that he had any kind of hold over her? And yet, he didn't want to be the cause of the pained look he saw in her eyes now. Whatever else he might have done, that would be unforgivable. It will pass, he told himself. It had to.

 

Finally she nodded and turned her eyes back to the road. “That would be nice.”

 

“Perhaps they will have a musician,” he offered, hoping she would continue talking.

 

Vanessa brightened a little. “You like music?”

 

He nodded, feeling a wave of relief. Her mood would pass. If he'd learned anything from Rin, it was that humans are slaves to their emotions. Vanessa cared so deeply for her friends, that saying good-bye was a heavy blow. Not knowing what to do in the mean time, however, was maddening.

 

“Do you play anything?”

 

Sesshoumaru snorted and shook his head. “No. When I was young, my father had me learn a few of the traditional instruments, but I have not played in many years.”

 

“I'd bet Rin would like to hear you play… Would you ever play for her?”

 

“Perhaps… If the opportunity arose, and she showed any interest… and if she could forgive my lack of practice.”

 

“I doubt there's anything you couldn't do well if you put your mind to it,” she said, blushing prettily.

 

“Oh, I am far from perfect,” Sesshoumaru disagreed. He wasn't very good at keeping her from getting hurt.

 

“I didn't say you were perfect… just talented.”

 

“Hm.” She was talking again. That was important. It was a good sign.

 

“Rin likes to sing. Maybe I should have her take lessons just as my father had me learn.”

 

He took a few steps before noticing that she had stopped suddenly and turned. A tear trailed silently down her cheek and off her chin.

 

“What is it?” he asked worriedly. “What's wrong?” It was something he said, clearly, but what?

 

Vanessa dashed her tears away with her sleeve angrily. “I'm being stupid,” she muttered.

 

If she'd asked him right then, he would have turned around and taken her home without a second thought. Instead, she marched ahead down the road.

 

“Vanessa, stop.”

 

“I'm sorry,” she whispered. “I'm not being fair to you. You've been so great. It's just… I'll never see them again, will I?”

 

“You don't know that.”

 

“But even if by some small chance you and the others survive… I'll never see Rin again. She'll grow up and die… and… I know I haven't known either of you all that long, but I kind of got attached to her. And you.”

 

He looked at her sharply, making her blush again, though she smiled sadly. Every now and then she said something like that, and every time it made him feel that it was getting more and more difficult to let her go. But he had to. If she wanted to go home, he had to let her. It was only right.

 

“If there's a musician, I wonder…” she said, drawing his attention back. “We're still centuries away from some of the great composers, but you might like what you hear. It'll be different from what you know. Maybe we could… never mind.” Her face shut down again as she turned away from him.

 

“What?” He felt like he was losing ground now that she'd finally opened up again. One day of her silence seemed to drag on and on. Her voice had become such a large part of his personal environment, and… well, it just felt wrong for her to be so quiet.

 

“What would you like to do?”

 

“I was just thinking… maybe if - when I get home, and if you're still around… maybe we could go to the symphony, or an opera, but that's just-”

 

“I would like that.”

 

Something of her usual spark returned to her eyes, and she gave him a tremulous smile. “You would?” Despite that, he could hear her heart pounding. She was afraid… afraid that she wouldn't get home or… that he would decide he didn't want to? It was nonsense, of course. Why shouldn't he expect to see her again?

 

“Will you remember after all that time?” she asked uncertainly, taking the words right out of his mind.

 

“Youkai have long memories,” he reminded her. “But… will you remind me if I forget?” She just smiled and started walking. He hoped she never forgot the friends she'd made there - or him for that matter - but he didn't want her to mourn either. It was unsettling to see her so distraught.

 

The path they had taken through the pass had widened and eventually joined with a larger road. In the distance he saw a shimmering ribbon winding through the fields. It had to be a river or a stream at the very least. How different could these humans be from those in his homeland? If they followed the road, they should come across a town sooner or later along the river, and if luck was with them, there would be an inn - even if it meant stopping a little sooner than he would have liked. Vanessa would feel more herself soon, and a night in a real bed could only help her. If not tonight, maybe tomorrow, but at least fresh water was in sight. Until then… he didn't know what he could do for her.

 

“Is it strange that there is no one on this road?” he asked her after a while.

 

Vanessa shrugged. “I don't know. I guess if anyone else knew about the dragons, they'd probably stay away, don't you think? I wouldn't stay too close, especially if I had livestock. Or a family.” She shuddered.

 

“Hm.”

 

They continued in silence, Vanessa seemingly content to wallow in her thoughts, and Sesshoumaru at a loss for conversation starters. It wasn't uncomfortable, really, but he did continue to worry about her.

 

As the sun began to dip toward the horizon, Vanessa stumbled. Sesshoumaru caught her reflexively, but when he looked at her, she seemed hardly able to keep her eyes open. “Tired…” she whispered, putting a hand over her eyes. Trees lined the road so it was only a few steps more to get her into their shade. Had he missed something? Some sign that she was ill?

 

“Are you not feeling well?” he asked her, touching her forehead and finding her temperature normal.

 

She shook her head. “Just tired all of a sudden.”

 

“We will take a short rest and then continue on to an inn. There must be a town somewhere. Sit.”

 

Vanessa nodded without question and sat. “Sorry,” she mumbled and leaned on his shoulder when he sat beside her.

 

“Don't be,” Sesshoumaru whispered. “Just sleep.”

 

She was asleep before the words were even out of his mouth, and he put his arm around her, pulling her close, and draping the edge of his cloak around her. They could stop for an hour, and then they needed to either get moving again or set up camp. What could be wrong with her? What could she have caught so suddenly? He tightened his hold on her just a little, wanting to shield her from anything that could harm her. As he'd thought so many times before, he was far too attached, but what could he do?

 

“Vanessa,” he said softly after a while. “We need to move on.”

 

Her hand flexed on his chest as she awoke with a deep breath and stretched. “How long was I asleep?”

 

“Only an hour.”

 

“A whole hour?”

 

Sesshoumaru nodded. “How are you feeling?” he asked warily.

 

“Much better,” Vanessa answered with a smile, a true smile. Inwardly he sighed in relief.

 

“Let's go.”

 

The town was actually not that far down the road. When the wind shifted, Sesshoumaru detected the first traces of human stench.

 

And it was a stench.

 

But he would just have to tolerate it. The town was a decent size, houses radiating out in rings about a common pasture, with a building Vanessa called a `church' on one end, and a few shops and a tavern that doubled as an inn on the other. How they were going to make their wishes known, he had no idea, but Vanessa seemed confident. She still looked a little pale, and there was that ever present sadness and feeling of loss, but she was talking more. A man of few words himself, he hadn't thought silences could feel so heavy. She just needed some comfort. Who knew that he could be needed that way?

 

Before they drew too near, Sesshoumaru flipped the hood of his cloak over his silvery head and hid his distinctive markings from the curious eyes of farmers and villagers that they were passing on the road with more and more frequency. “So how are we going to do this?” Vanessa whispered, eyes roaming everywhere, betraying her curiosity.

 

“This is the first town past the mountains. I think it is safe to say that they expect travelers, but why don't we go in and watch first?”

 

“Sounds good to me.”

 

They entered the tavern and took an out of the way seat in a corner. At first no one took notice of them, but soon more and more heads filled with curious looks turned their way, until the whole room was murmuring and watching them in thinly veiled interest. “Perhaps they are not as used to travelers as I would have imagined,” he muttered and turned slightly, trying to keep his face in the shadow of his cowl.

 

“Someone's coming,” Vanessa whispered.

 

A large man in an apron with dark, graying hair framing a cheerful face strode up to them with a pitcher and two mugs, while heads turned to mark his progress. He set the mugs down and poured as he spoke to them.

 

“Do you know this tongue?” Sesshoumaru asked, leaning toward Vanessa to shield his words. She shook her head, but then smiled up at the man, nodding her thanks. He asked a question, directing it toward Vanessa since Sesshoumaru obviously wasn't going to look at him, but she only shrugged and shook her head. Comprehension dawned on him and he grinned.

 

“Andrei,” he said, slapping his chest.

 

“His name is Andrei,” she whispered, and then louder, pointing to herself, “Vanessa, and… Sesshoumaru.”

 

“Vanessa… Seh-sho-mah-roo?” he said, pointing to each of them in turn.

 

Vanessa laughed, and Sesshoumaru cringed at the butchery of his name. He hoped they wouldn't have to go through this every time they wanted a roof for the night. She pantomimed a bit more, and eventually the innkeeper ambled off.

 

“He's bringing food… I think.” Vanessa told him as she reached across the table for their drinks. She sniffed hers and shrugged before taking a sip. Sesshoumaru followed suit, but never got around to actually taking a sip. It smelled horrible.

 

“What is that?” he asked, fighting back revulsion.

 

“Ah… ale? I guess it's an acquired taste.”

 

Andrei soon came back with dishes of some kind of meat stew and a basket of bread rolls.

 

“Andrei,” Vanessa said, catching his attention before he turned away. He looked at her expectantly as she pushed the two ale mugs toward him with an apologetic smile. “Wine?” He stared at her blankly and slowly reached for the mugs. “Hm… Vino?”

 

“Ah!” he cried and nodded, whisking away the mugs and hurrying back to the kitchen. Sesshoumaru watched him hand the mugs to a pair of men at another table. They cheered, banged the mugs together, and guzzled down the vile liquid. He shuddered.

 

“You do speak this language,” he accused, turning to Vanessa. She shook her head and tore off a piece of bread to dip in her stew.

 

“No. `Vino' is Italian, which is Latin based, and since Latin has such a big influence on language, I thought I'd give it a try. Someone has to know at least a few words, right? Besides, a lot of the languages borrow from each other around here… I just don't know how far back it all goes.” None of that meant anything to him, but if it got him something tolerable to drink, it didn't really matter.

 

Andrei came back to them then and produced goblets and a wine flask with a flourish. “Vino,” he announced proudly. Vanessa grinned and clapped her hands, making the man beam at her before filling their goblets and leaving the flask on the table.

 

Sesshoumaru hesitantly sniffed the contents of one goblet and took a sip just large enough to get the flavor on his tongue. He was relieved to taste wine, a variety he'd never had before, but wine just the same. “Thank you,” he said, not looking at Vanessa, but into his plate of stew instead. There were chunks of vegetables and pieces of meat in some kind of thick, seasoned broth. It wasn't entirely unappetizing…

 

“No problem.”

 

He looked up at her then and watched her chew a bite of bread, and thought about taking a roll for himself, but that just wasn't practical. She paused in her chewing and he could feel her eyes on him as he picked up the spoon. Then she tore a piece off of her own roll and held it out to him. “Want to try it? The bread is really good. Fresh baked.”

 

Sesshoumaru hesitated, and finally took the bread from her hand and dipped it in the stew. “It is good,” he said, looking up at her in surprise. She grinned at him and tore a manageable piece off a fresh roll and set it by his plate before tearing a piece for herself.

 

“We can share,” she said softly and returned to her meal.

 

A cheer rose up in the tavern a few minutes later, making Sesshoumaru look up and search curiously for the cause. A man with wild white hair and a long beard wearing an odd-colored cloak strode to a stool by the fireplace, and with a grand gesture, produced a sort of stringed instrument and sat.

 

“A musician?” he asked Vanessa.

 

She nodded. “Looks like it.”

 

Sesshoumaru watched with keen interest as he plucked a few strings to tune and began to sing a melancholy song. It would have been nice to know the words, but his voice was good, and the music was lovely in its strangeness. Before he knew it, the musician had finished his set and was packing up. His food was cold, and Vanessa was drowsing with her head pillowed on her arms beside him. She was right of course. The music was different, but he did like it. Judging by the crowd in the tavern, some of the songs were well known and very likely bawdy and unfit for polite company, but they were energetic and quite entertaining. But where had the time gone?

 

Andrei appeared at their table and pointed to the ceiling and mimed sleep. That must be where the rooms were. Sesshoumaru nodded, and the innkeeper beckoned him to follow.

 

“Vanessa,” he said softly and gently shook her shoulder.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Andrei is going to show us to a room.”

 

“Oh… okay.”

 

She rubbed her eyes and stood. After a stretch, she picked up her bag and followed the big innkeeper. Up one set of stairs, and down at the other end of the hall, Andrei came to a halt. He looked from Vanessa to Sesshoumaru and then pointed to two doors, and with a questioning look, held up two fingers, and then one.

 

“One room or two?” Vanessa asked sleepily.

 

The youkai lord looked uncertainly at the hall and then stepped up to the door to check the security. “One,” he said. There was no lock on the door, and call him paranoid, but he didn't want to leave Vanessa alone.

 

She conveyed the message, and Andrei showed them to a room, lit a candle and waved good night. Vanessa entered first and dropped her bag - and then she stopped short. “Um…”

 

“What is it?” Sesshoumaru asked as he left the rest of the bags with hers. In the light of that single candle, he discovered their dilemma: there was only one bed. It wasn't an especially small bed, but it also wasn't very large and stood alone in the corner by the window. He guessed the assumption was that if they were sharing a room, they must be married... “You take it,” he said automatically. It would be easier for him to sleep in the chair or on the floor than it would be for her.

 

“Don't be silly,” she said, snapping out of her shock. “You did say you'd like a real bed under you again. We can share. It's not like we're strangers.” She pulled down the blankets and ran her hand over the sheet beneath. “Really. Why shouldn't you get to sleep in a bed just because there's only one?”

 

They had been traveling together for over a month, almost two, and sure they had slept by the same fire, but… that wasn't sharing a bed. Would this be proper?

 

“Come on, I won't bite.” She disappeared behind a folding screen to change, leaving him to struggle through what he thought would be best. Finally, he took off his boots and sat on the edge of the mattress. It was lumpy, and he could smell a slight mustiness in the straw that filled it, but otherwise it was clean enough, and it was certainly an improvement over the hard ground.

 

Vanessa smiled as she came around the screen in the peculiar top and pants that she slept in. “It'll be fine,” she assured him. He nodded.

 

“I will sleep on this side,” he said. “If you don't mind.”

 

She looked from him to the bed to the door and back, and then smiled. “Go ahead.”

 

He waited for her to crawl under the blankets and make herself comfortable facing the wall with her back to him. Then he swung his legs onto the bed and rolled onto his side to face the door.

 

“Good night,” Vanessa whispered.

 

“Good night.”

 

He could feel the warmth of her behind him under the blanket. He'd never shared a bed with anyone before, not even when Rin had nightmares. There was a strange comfort in it. It would be more of a comfort if he could take her into his arms, but… he couldn't. He wasn't sure where that thought had come from - No, he did know. He just couldn't allow it. That would open the door to complications he didn't want to deal with. Sesshoumaru sighed and closed his eyes. He would have to get used to it if they planned on staying in any more inns down the road.

 

It seemed he'd just gotten to sleep, when suddenly pale, predawn light was filtering through the window into his face. He'd rolled onto his back in the night, but it was the warmth against his left side that caught him off guard. He looked down the line of his nose and was surprised to find Vanessa tucked into his side, head pillowed on his shoulder and one hand resting on his chest.

 

Sesshoumaru smiled. She wouldn't see it, but a small gesture of acceptance like that, even if she was asleep - especially if she was asleep, for he knew it was her subconscious, her hidden thoughts trying to come through - was what made him care so much about her. He knew it would only cause greater problems in the end, but at the moment, he was too content to care. Without even thinking, he covered her hand with his and closed his eyes for another hour or two of sleep.

 

He didn't, of course. Sleep, that is. He was all too aware of her nearness, the softness of her skin, the strength about her that he wasn't used to seeing in mortal women. He felt the steady rise and fall of her chest against his side, and each breath was a soft puff of air against his hand. Her heart beat a rhythm that mingled with his own in his ears, and as he watched her sleep, he studied her, committed every detail to memory, so that when she stepped back out of his life, he would have something of this strange, beautiful creature to hold onto. He wanted to remember her. He wanted to remember the way her blue-violet eyes danced when she looked at him, the way she sometimes smiled for no apparent reason, the way those same lips parted just slightly when she slept, and he realized…

 

He wanted to kiss her.

 

And that thought terrified him right down to the very depths of his being. He couldn't - he wouldn't put himself out there like that again. Especially for someone he couldn't keep, someone who would vanish from his life like mist under the morning sun. He wouldn't… It had to stop. Now. Reluctantly, he gently rolled her back onto her side and retreated to the relative safety of his half of the bed. Immediately he felt her absence, and she was only inches away. How was he going to survive the next few weeks - months? - without the buffer of her friendship with Shizu? How could he maintain the distance he needed without hurting her?

 

Soon he heard her heart rate increasing as she came to the surface of consciousness. “You're warm,” she mumbled, halfway between sleep and wakefulness.

 

“Am I?” Sesshoumaru breathed. Before she could turn back to him and ruin his resolve, he rolled off the bed and onto his feet. “I am going outside. I… need some fresh air. Gather your things, we will leave as soon as you have had something to eat.”

 

She blinked up at him and smiled. “All right.” She looked much better today, healthier. Color had returned to her cheeks and her grief over Shizu and Kaminari didn't seem to be crushing her anymore. How? What had changed? He refused to believe it had anything to do with him. She was affectionate. She always had been. It meant nothing.

 

He took his cloak from the peg by the door and left the room, sweeping down the stairs and out the door, leaving a wave of turned heads in his wake. He needed to move, to run, to fight something, but there was nothing, still no tingle of youki against his senses, and killing a wild animal wouldn't be nearly satisfying enough. Sparring with humans was out of the question. For one, they would discover he wasn't like them, and two, he could too easily kill them. Besides, how would he convey that he wanted only to spar and not actually fight? He had to settle for running.

 

Sesshoumaru melted into the woods with all the skill of a panther, and when he was certain there was no one around, he sped off through the trees, stirring up a cloud of fallen leaves in his wake. It felt good. He'd been neglecting his daily exercises, and his defense training with Vanessa for that matter. On that, he was conflicted now. He wanted her to be able to defend herself, but it meant getting close to her physically, and it meant showing her he cared enough to teach her. It didn't matter that he was well beyond the point of simple concern for her wellbeing. He wouldn't be there in that strange land if he didn't care about her to some degree.

 

Just when his breathing started to strain, Sesshoumaru slowed to a stop and stretched. He didn't want to spend all of his energy, just enough that he wasn't wound tight as a spring. By the odor wafting from the town, he knew he wasn't far and it would take only a few minutes to go back by a more direct route than the wide circles he had just run. He would start Vanessa's lessons on self-defense again, he decided. He could do that much.

 

Taking a deep, cleansing breath, and nearly choking on the human odors emanating from the town, Sesshoumaru started back toward the inn. He'd overcome worse obstacles. Vanessa was just another pretty face… and an amazingly warm heart. Stop it! he snarled to himself.

 

Diners looked up as he re-entered, but he paid no attention to them. Instead he stole quietly up the stairs and listened at their door. Vanessa was humming softly to herself, and it sounded like she was packing. He opened the door a crack and peered inside. When her back was to him, he slipped in and grabbed her by the throat, pulling her roughly against his chest. When she took a breath to scream, he moved his hand and silenced her, more gently this time. “Had it not been me, what would you have done?” he asked in a low voice into her ear and released her.

 

Vanessa spun away and faced him, trembling as she put a hand to her throat. “Sesshoumaru! You scared the crap out of me!”

 

He blinked. He'd never heard quite that turn of phrase before, but it didn't matter. He raised an eyebrow expectantly.

 

“I-I don't know. Call for help, I guess.”

 

He cocked his head. “With a hand over your mouth to silence your screams? I have been lax in your training, but we will resume again. Today.”

 

“M-my training?”

 

Sesshoumaru stepped toward her and winced inwardly when she took a half step back, but he reached out to grasp her sleeve. Her kaiken, the slender blade he had given her was tucked inside, just as it should be.

 

“This blade is useless if you do not think to use it,” he admonished. He had caught her off guard, but that was the point. Attackers wouldn't warn a victim before they struck. “Up until now we have had three sets of eyes watching out for you. I only want to see that you are protected,” he said gently. “I don't trust these humans any more than I do those in my own land.”

 

She nodded. “I know. I should have remembered. I guess I got used to the idea of you always being here to protect me. I'll do better,” she said firmly.

 

“Come then. Why don't we see what this place has to offer for breakfast.”

 

Vanessa nodded and grinned as she picked up her bag and stepped out into the hall. Sesshoumaru followed, but not before scanning the room quickly to see that they had everything. Downstairs, a sort of grain porridge bubbled over the fire. It was bland and rather tasteless, but Sesshoumaru forced it down. He didn't know how far they would have to stretch the food they brought with them. Andrei came up to them and offered each of them a cup of fresh milk. Sesshoumaru nodded his thanks.

 

“Oh, Andrei,” Vanessa said suddenly and began digging in her pack. “I want to see if he knows where we can get our hands on some horses,” she said to Sesshoumaru. “That's all right, isn't it? I just figured it would get us to where we're going quicker.”

 

“Yes… of course. Whatever you need.”

 

She found her paper and pen and drew a crude horse with a stack of what looked like coins beside it. Andrei thought for a minute and then nodded, beckoning them to follow.

 

“How much does a night at an inn cost?” she asked quietly.

 

“Here? I don't know.”

 

“So how do we settle the bill?”

 

Sesshoumaru watched Andrei's back as he wove around tables and chairs to the kitchen. “How well do you trust him?”

 

“I don't get the feeling he'd cheat us, if that's what you mean. He seems like a good man.”

 

He nodded. “Here.” She turned and he handed her a small pouch filled with coins of varying weights and metals. It wasn't all of the money he'd brought along; he wasn't so foolish as to keep it all in one place - or to flaunt it, but it was enough.

 

“How much would a room cost in Japan?” She poured a few coins out into her palm and waited for Sesshoumaru to separate out the appropriate amount then she added a few more for good measure.

 

They caught up to Andrei at a bar lined with stools, behind which, casks and barrels covered the wall, and a robust woman in an apron wiped mugs with a cloth. His wife? Andrei nodded over his shoulder at them and said a few words to the woman.

 

“Andrei,” Vanessa said, smiling in apology for her intrusion, and then held out her hand, palm up. He peered at the coins curiously and examined a few, testing their weight and the feel of the metal. Finally, he selected a silver piece and a few coppers. Sesshoumaru nodded in approval. It was fair, and now he knew how much to expect to pay for a night indoors. Of course the inns in the larger cities Vanessa spoke of would cost more, but he could get a feel for that as they went. Andrei then smiled, closed Vanessa's fist around the rest and beckoned them on through the kitchen to the back door.

 

He led them between two rows of houses to a farmhouse at the end with a fenced paddock. The innkeeper called to someone in the stable and motioned them to wait. Another man came out to greet them, and Andrei pulled him aside. Glances were cast their way, but Sesshoumaru was growing used to it.

 

Finally the pair split, the newcomer heading off in the direction of the stable and Andrei coming back to them. He nodded in satisfaction and gestured back toward the stable. It wasn't long before the other man appeared again leading two saddled horses. They looked sound from a distance, but Sesshoumaru would check them over himself to be sure.

 

“Thank you, Andrei. For everything,” Vanessa said sincerely. He seemed to understand her meaning, if not her words and clasped her hand in both of his, kissed her fingers and then patted her cheek. It was purely paternal, and yet… Sesshoumaru's blood was boiling. It didn't make sense. He had no right to be possessive, but that night… sleeping beside her, feeling her next to him… It couldn't happen again if it was going to keep invading his mind this way. Suppressing a snarl, he was relieved when the horses were led up to them and stretched out his hand to feel their legs.

 

A sharp intake of breath told him he'd been careless. Oops. Well, there was no use hiding his claws now. He checked the horse's teeth to see that it was young enough for the job, and moved on satisfied to the next one. They were both good, but it did little to improve his mood. “Vanessa,” he said, holding his hand out for his coin pouch.

 

“Oh, right.” She hurried over to him and held it out to him. Sesshoumaru thought for a moment about the worth of horses at home, and then looked back at the stable. The pair was well bred… Finally, he fished a coin out of the pouch in Vanessa's hands, and, holding it between two fingers, indicated both horses and held it out to Andrei.

 

The innkeeper tried peering into his hood as he reached for the payment, but Sesshoumaru pulled his hand back and stepped away. He didn't need this. He didn't need their horses. They might even travel faster if he flew, but that would make his goal of keeping his distance rather… unattainable. In the end, Vanessa took the coin from him and held it out to Andrei. When he finally took the coin, his eyes widened in surprise. Too much? It didn't really matter; he just wanted to leave. Andrei gave the coin an experimental bite to see if it was real and hurried over to the stable owner and whispered something in his ear that made him hurry off in the direction of the barn. Assuming the transaction was complete, Sesshoumaru started loading bags behind saddles.

 

“Which one would you like?” he asked Vanessa. She grinned and rubbed the nose of the chestnut-colored mare.

 

“This one.”

 

“Very well.” He finished securing their bags and took the reins of the darker mare.

 

“Eh… Vanessa,” Andrei called as the other man came jogging up to them with a sack over his shoulder.

 

“What's that?” Vanessa asked, stepping up beside Sesshoumaru.

 

“I don't know.”

 

Andrei took the sack and hefted it up onto Vanessa's horse, securing it behind her saddle with her bag and stepped away with a smile. “Grain? Thank you!” she said and bowed out of habit, as she'd learned in Japan. Andrei looked a little puzzled, but smiled when Sesshoumaru nodded his thanks as well.

 

“We should go.”

 

“Bye!” Vanessa waved and climbed into the saddle. Sesshoumaru did the same and took a moment to get used to the different feel of it, and then turned them back toward the road. It was nice to sleep with a roof over his head, but… getting away from the scent of all these humans would be even better.

 

They rode at a brisk pace in silence for a while, but Sesshoumaru knew it wouldn't last. Vanessa didn't have Shizu to talk to so it was only a matter of time before she tried to start a conversation. But she didn't. She glanced over at him from time to time, but for the moment anyway, seemed to accept the distance he put between them. She would surely want an explanation later. Did she remember cuddling up to him while she slept? By midday, he found it was he who couldn't tolerate the silence. He wasn't used to her not telling him what she was thinking.

 

“Stop,” he said finally. “We will rest the horses here for a short while.” A stream was running parallel to the road and smelled clean enough so he refilled their water skins and led the horses to it. They drank appreciatively and munched on some tall grass growing on the bank.

 

“Is everything all right?” Vanessa asked uncertainly.

 

“Yes, of course,” he responded, surprised he hadn't noticed her approaching.

 

“Are you sure?” she took a step closer and stopped. “Earlier you seemed… angry. I don't want you to think… well I know horses are expensive, and I guess we didn't really need them.”

 

“That's not it,” he interrupted. “I would have bought a pair anyway, and these are as good as any we would have found later.”

 

“So why…”

 

“It is nothing you need to worry about,” he snapped

 

It was impossible. If she'd been any other human, any other female at all, he wouldn't have had to feel how his words stung her. He could easily break their link, but he had a feeling that it would hurt her even more, and while he wouldn't have to actually feel what she did then, he would have to see it in her face.

 

“I was only thinking,” he told her, closing the distance between them. “I was not angry with you.” He reached out and touched her sleeve. “We have some time. Would you like to review some of the moves I taught you?”

 

Vanessa brightened.

 

“We will start with how I caught you this morning.” She nodded and relaxed as he took hold of her again. “Remember that most attackers will have two hands for you to compete with. One might cover your mouth, while the other holds a knife to your throat. Which is more important?”

 

“The knife can do more damage… but a hand on my face has more control on my movement…”

 

“Very good.”

 

He showed her again how to force the knife from his hand and several methods of breaking out of restraining holds. He had her repeat them a few times, and when an hour was up he stepped back and nodded approvingly. “You have not forgotten. You only need to know to use what you have learned. Let us be on our way.”

 

The horses had wandered down the stream a bit, but they weren't hard to catch. They were trained for travel and seemed to know that their rest was over.

 

“Ready,” Vanessa said from astride her horse.

 

Sesshoumaru nodded and turned them back to the road.

 

“They need names,” she said suddenly.

 

“Who?”

 

“Well, the horses of course. They're ours now so it's only right that we should give them names.”

 

“Hm.”

 

He wasn't feeling overly creative. They were just horses.

 

“I'm going to name mine… Peanut.”

 

Peanut… He looked at her askance. “What do you think this one should be called then?”

 

“That one would have to be Cracker Jack,” she said with a girlish giggle and then started humming a peculiar tune. “I don't care if I never get back.”

 

“What?” Sesshoumaru said, looking at her sharply. If he'd been human, he wouldn't have caught it; it was barely a whisper, but had he heard her right? On the one hand, all of this would have been for nothing. On the other… he might keep her.

 

“What?” Vanessa repeated, looking up as if startled that he'd heard her. “I-it's part of the song,” she said hastily. “`Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks. I don't care if I never get back.' It's about… about a person who doesn't want to leave a baseball game… a-a sporting event. That's all,” she finished quietly.

 

She was telling the truth, and yet there was something else… “Your people are very strange,” he said after a moment.

 

“Hey!”

 

Sesshoumaru only smirked to hide his inner turmoil. When she grinned, it seemed that everything was back to normal. On the surface.

 

“So. Peanut and Cracker Jack, are they? Tell me… What is a Cracker Jack?”

 

VvVvVvVvVvVvV

 

In the days following their split with Shizu and Kaminari, Vanessa wasn't sure what to do about Sesshoumaru. He was acting strangely, but he evaded all of her questions about why. Ever since their stay at the inn, one minute he was as sweet and thoughtful as ever, and the next he was distant and spoke only when absolutely necessary. Like always, he locked down his emotions so she could only grasp the faintest trace. She couldn't tell what he was feeling, much less what he was thinking. It was aggravating… and worrisome. Had she done something wrong? What could she do to make it right?

 

She was so wrapped up in her own worries that she didn't notice Sesshoumaru pull up to a stop, not until he called her name sharply.

 

“What?” she looked up, startled, and reined in Peanut, turning her around toward Sesshoumaru. “What's wrong?”

 

He nodded down the road, constantly testing the air for some scent she could never hope to pick up.

 

“Who are they?” she asked when she saw the group coming their way. They gave her an uneasy feeling. Seven men, two on horseback and the rest afoot, were walking casually toward them, but it was the assortment of weapons they carried that lent them an air of menace.

 

“I don't know, but I don't like them. Stay where you are.” He dismounted and walked forward about fifteen yards and stopped.

 

He stood casually to the side of the road and looked as if he were waiting to see if they would pass him by. Vanessa took a cue and grabbed up Cracker Jack's reins, moving the rest of them to the side as well. Sesshoumaru's cloak whipped back in a sudden breeze, and whether he meant to expose himself and his weapons, she couldn't say, but the warning seemed to ooze off of him: Stay away.

 

Maybe it was the horses, or their clothes, or simply because Sesshoumaru's casual defensive stance challenged the men, but suddenly the pair of travelers became prey. They thought they could get something from them. They were wrong. They had no idea what sort of predator they were stalking. Later, Vanessa would wonder what might have happened if they'd just kept walking and hadn't stopped to let them pass.

 

The men didn't back off. They formed a loose semi-circle around Sesshoumaru with the two horsemen eyeing Vanessa greedily. She felt incredibly exposed, as though they could see through all the layers of her clothing.

 

When the others raised their weapons threateningly, it was clear that they were just what they appeared. Bandits. Sesshoumaru glanced back at her only briefly, and as he turned back to his opponents, he did something wholly unexpected. He smiled. On the surface it seemed genuine, even friendly, but for some reason it chilled her to her bones. That smile meant death. He really did live for battle. In a second that seemed to stretch on for eternity, she thought back on the journey so far. He'd always held himself back when it came to a fight, she realized. The closest he came to anything truly offensive was a short blast at that dragon. These men didn't stand a chance. Should she stop him? All it would earn her was a mugging - or worse, but those men didn't know what they were getting themselves into.

 

Sesshoumaru's hand hovered for an instant over the pommel of one of his swords, Tokijin? Would he draw a demon sword on ordinary humans? But the moment passed, and he smirked, dropping into a crouch, sweeping his cloak behind him and out of the way. The men on foot circled him, laughing and jeering. She wished they'd stop. The two on horseback kept their distance and watched. Sesshoumaru waited until one charged him, almost as if he were actually giving them a chance, but it was over quickly. A blow to the jaw brought a sharp crack and sent the man sprawling into an unconscious heap on the road. After that, the others swarmed him, but unlike them, he had the speed and grace of a cat. His inhuman abilities had him darting in and out between them, knocking them out of the fight one by one. It wasn't even a challenge.

 

The last bandit waved a wickedly curved knife about wildly, in a desperate attempt to hold Sesshoumaru off, and it was as he was grappling with him, that the horsemen made their move. Sesshoumaru saw them and tried to block their path, but his opponent lashed out with the knife, making him give a startled hiss of pain as red blossomed on his white sleeve. A retaliatory swipe of his claws finished him, but Vanessa didn't have time to recoil at the blood and entrails spilling out onto the road. The riders were coming after her.

 

She dropped Cracker Jack's reins and wheeled Peanut in the opposite direction, digging in her heels and urging the startled mare faster, faster, but the other two had a head start. If only Shizu were there, they could take off into the sky. Sesshoumaru would follow and they wouldn't have any more blood on their hands. If only…

 

They were bearing down on her too quickly! One reached for the reins, and she hit him, but Peanut wasn't Shizu. She wouldn't compensate to keep her in the saddle, and when the other reached over and grabbed the back of her collar - and a fistfull of hair - it was all she could do not to fall and get trampled.

 

With her distracted, the first succeeded in securing the reins and control of her horse, while the other yanked and hauled her roughly over his lap. She kicked and scratched - little good it did against her captor's leather clothing - but none of Sesshoumaru's training was designed for effectiveness in this situation. After she elbowed him in the groin, a sharp blow to her head made stars break out in her vision and she couldn't think straight. She hung helplessly across his lap as he pounded down the road to whatever fate he had in store for her. Where was Sesshoumaru? Sesshoumaru…

 

Wait a minute.

 

She tried to clear her head, but it was throbbing in time with her heart and made worse by the pounding of hooves on the road. Still, she reached into her sleeve and pressed the catch on her hidden blade. As she drew it, she gathered all the strength she could muster in her awkward position, and drove it into his calf.

 

He bellowed in agony, but in the next instant, a gurgling sound replaced his yells. And then he just disappeared from beneath her. Hearing a sickening crunch, Vanessa looked back to see his body fall to the dirt road as blood-stained, white silk pants replaced him in the saddle, blocking her view. Sesshoumaru reined the horse in sharply and leapt from its back, catching Vanessa as she slid painfully back off the saddle.

 

She stumbled away from him with her arms around her middle. Her ribs ached. As the adrenaline fled her system the weight of the attack fell on her like a crushing blow. Looking back the way she came, she saw the heap of limbs in a dark, spreading stain in the dirt… Behind that was a trail of bodies, broken and bleeding like the first.

 

The ground started shaking so badly she could hardly stand. It took a moment to realize that she was shaking. What happened? Slowly she turned back to Sesshoumaru. The gold of his eyes was still rimmed in crimson. He took a step forward, hand outstretched toward her. Without a conscious thought, she matched his advance with a step backward. Hurt flitted across his face before he schooled his features into a calm mask and dropped his hand.

 

She barely registered it. The last few minutes kept replaying over and over in her mind. Bandits? They weren't supposed to be attacked by bandits… She wasn't supposed to be kidnapped, taken who knows where for them to -

 

A whooshing sound thundered in her ears like wind pumping in and out of a bellows. And then, curiously, it just stopped. Sesshoumaru eyed her warily, his brows drawing together in concern.

 

“Vanessa?”

 

He took a hesitant step toward her. Vanessa was feeling a little lightheaded, like she wasn't getting enough air. She couldn't breathe.

 

“Vanessa… Breathe. Everything is all right,” he said slowly, as if trying not to frighten her.

 

Breathe? He wasn't making any sense. Of course she was -

 

Dark spots broke out across her vision.

 

“Vanessa!” Sesshoumaru said sharply, closing the distance between them and grasping her shoulder.

 

She couldn't do anything, only stare wide-eyed back at him, as if she'd lost all control. She could only think and relive… She tried to fill her lungs, but she couldn't make them function.

 

Sesshoumaru's eyes took on a panicked gleam, and he shook her once to snap her out of it and then drew her into his chest. “It's all right, love,” he said more gently. “You are safe. There is no danger anymore. Trust me,” he pleaded.

 

Safe?

 

With a painful gasp, Vanessa sucked in a lungful of air and collapsed against him. “Are you all right? Are you hurt?” he asked frantically as his hand skimmed over her, looking for injuries. The look in his eyes struck her heart. He was afraid. Or maybe she imagined it. He wouldn't make himself vulnerable to her that way. He wouldn't allow her to see fear, would he?

 

“I dropped my knife,” she said dazedly. No that wasn't right. She didn't drop her blade. She left it in her captor's leg. Sesshoumaru dropped her knife. She told him so.

 

“We can get it back. Are you hurt? Did he touch you?” he asked savagely.

 

“No… Yes… My head. My head hurts. And my stomach.” Suddenly Vanessa turned away from him and retched into the grass on the side of the road. It all caught up to her then and she fell to her knees as her legs gave out beneath her. Much to her surprise, Sesshoumaru held her hair back until she was finished. “Are they gone?” she whispered.

 

“Yes. I should have killed them all and been done with it,” he said bitterly. “But I wanted to spare them for you.” He wasn't accusing, only stating a fact, she realized.

 

“They aren't dead?”

 

Sesshoumaru shook his head. “Four of the five footmen will live. The fifth and the two riders are dead.”

 

“I stabbed one,” Vanessa said, feeling strangely proud and sick at the same time. She hadn't failed his training this time, but then again, she'd never hurt anyone that way before, not with the intent to do real damage, but just when she thought she was going to lose her stomach again, Sesshoumaru's lips curved into a small smile - not the death smile. This one was different. This one was for her. And it was genuine and a little hesitant. She tried to remember whether she'd ever seen him truly smile before.

 

“Yes you did,” he said, sounding like a proud teacher of a student who'd gone far beyond his expectations. “He didn't hear me coming over all the noise he was making because of it.” Vanessa doubted he would have heard him coming anyway. He was silent as a shadow when he wanted to be. Sometimes she thought the gravel crunched under his boots only because he willed it. “Vanessa, I…” He paused, his brow furrowed as he fought with himself. Suddenly she was crushed between one strong arm and hard armor, but she clung to him just as tightly. Her rock, her guardian had come through for her again. What would she ever do without him? “Are you sure you are all right?” he whispered.

 

She nodded into his shoulder. “But I smell like vomit,” she muttered, trying not to breathe on him.

 

“It doesn't matter.” He pulled back just far enough to look into her face and brush blond tendrils out of her eyes. “You are safe.”

 

Rivulets of red still ran down his arm, and she watched his face form an annoyed mask as his eyes flicked from his hand to her forehead, but at the moment, she didn't care about a little blood smeared on her face. “Sesshoumaru,” she whimpered. “You're bleeding!”

 

He looked down at his arm and shrugged. “It isn't serious.”

 

Vanessa was already pushing his sleeve up for a look. “It's deep.”

 

“It is healing,” he countered adamantly, daring her tell him he needed mending. She scowled at him.

 

“At least let me clean and wrap it.”

 

The familiar fight with his pride and his strange aversion to medical attention brought everything back to normality. As much as he denied it, he needed someone to take care of him, much like he took care of her.

 

“Honestly, how do you get by on your own? If you never let anyone take care of you, what kind of life is that? What if every time I was in trouble I said, `No, leave me alone. I don't need your help.'”

 

“I would respect your wishes.”

 

“Even though you knew I could be worse off if you didn't step in? Would you really?”

 

He didn't answer.

 

“It's just… I care about you,” she said, keeping her eyes on her hands and not his face. “And you do so much for me. When I see there's something I can actually do for you, I want to do it. Can you understand that?”

 

She tied off the bandage and sat back on her heels next to him.

 

“I was raised to be strong and independent,” he said, still refusing to look at her. “That is the world I come from. Weakness is not an option. This,” he said indicating the bandage. “And this,” his missing arm, “remind me that I am not everything I ought to be. I don't like feeling dependent.”

 

“You can accept help and not be dependent.”

 

“And… there is my pride, as you have so often mentioned,” he added with a wry smile, and looked over his shoulder at the destruction he'd reaped. “Stay here.”

 

Vanessa didn't do as he asked; she followed closely behind him as he started for the body crumpled in the dirt. “Vanessa,” he said sternly. “You shouldn't see this.”

 

“I'll have to come through here anyway. Don't leave me behind?”

 

He studied her face for a moment and finally nodded. “Just… stay back.” He moved the body to the side of the road and arranged it in a more natural position, and then fished in the corpse's pockets, coming up with a small pouch. It jingled when he shook it.

 

“You're taking money from a dead man?”

 

Sesshoumaru shrugged. “He has no more use for it. And it would be helpful to have some local currency.”

 

“Just don't make this a habit when you need to make an exchange,” she muttered.

 

“I heard that.” He moved across the road to the other rider's body, which didn't seem to have anything useful for them so it was left in the grass as well. Next up were their horses.

 

“What will we do with them?”

 

“Set them loose, I suppose. Someone will find them. If not, they can take care of themselves.”

 

He checked their bags, took a few small items and unsaddled them. With a swat on their rumps, they took off across the field.

 

“Are you sure we should just leave the… the bodies here?”

 

“You think we should take them with us?” he countered with a note of sarcasm. Vanessa never thought she'd be talking so casually about what to do with bodies that she'd had a hand in killing. She kept telling herself that it was self-defense, but it made her stomach turn every time she thought of them. “I will go retrieve our own horses, and then we will be on our way. Put this behind you, Vanessa. There was nothing you could do.”

 

She nodded mutely and watched him fly off after Peanut and Cracker Jack. Put it behind her… right. As if it were that easy. Sesshoumaru obviously had no qualms about killing a few humans, but she couldn't say the same for herself, regardless of the situation.

 

“I don't know about this…” she said after he'd returned. “Shouldn't we tell someone what happened?”

 

Sesshoumaru looked back at the bodies. “They will be found and I would rather not be here when they are.”

 

One of the incapacitated bandits groaned, and Sesshoumaru pulled his sword, ready to strike.

 

“No, don't!” Vanessa cried, grabbing his sleeve. “Please. Let's just go.”

 

He looked down at her, and then his lip curled back as he looked back at the unconscious men. Finally he nodded and silently climbed into Cracker Jack's saddle. He waited just long enough for Vanessa to mount up and then took off across the field away from the road. They entered the stream and ran parallel to the road for a while before finally crossing to the other side and riding farther cross-country. He wasn't taking any chances of encountering other people, and it didn't look like staying in an inn was a possibility for some time to come. That was fine. Other than the one they had just left, they hadn't stayed in an inn yet, so there was no reason to get used to the comfort. She just wished she could understand what went through his head sometimes.

 

They rode long and hard on an erratic path to try and throw off any possible pursuers. Vanessa didn't think anyone would follow them if the men were known outlaws, but she could appreciate Sesshoumaru's caution.

 

As the afternoon progressed, Vanessa was able to get over the worst of the raw fear she'd felt in the attack. They were riding across a rocky field with no obvious destination that she could see, but he had a better sense of their surroundings than she did. During this time, however, she found the peace of mind to really process what had happened.

 

That fight was something completely different than any she'd witnessed so far. Mitsue was supposed to be a friend, or a long lost betrayer-lover at the very least. And she was youkai. The men on the Great Wall were human, but they were soldiers. Sesshoumaru had spared them because he was the one trespassing. They were innocent and not worth the kill apparently. Naraku… she shuddered. The details on that one were still vague, but he was youakai. And evil. He was bent on destruction just for the sake of ruining the lives of those around him. They had thrown everything they had at him and it still wasn't enough.

 

Somehow the thought of Sesshoumaru battling other youkai was easier to handle than his fighting humans. Was that fair of her? He was so much stronger than they were, it hardly seemed right. There was also the fact that he wasn't opposed to killing them. He wouldn't think twice about it if she weren't there. He liked to fight. The smile he'd worn had been pure blood lust. Those bandits had no idea what they were provoking. But did that make him evil too? That he would willingly and gladly kill creatures so much weaker than he was?

 

On the other hand, they had attacked first. He gave them the chance to move on, but when they didn't, he was only defending himself - and her. Afterward he had said that his intention was never to kill them; he knew how much it would upset her. He already sacrificed so much for her.

 

Vanessa jerked on the reigns suddenly and pulled Peanut up sharply.

 

“What did you call me?” she asked quietly.

 

Sesshoumaru heard easily and slowed, turning to give her an uncertain look. “I have not said anything.”

 

She shook her head. “Not now, back on the road. After - When I was freaking out.”

 

He paused and then his eyes tightened for the barest moment before he turned. “I called you by your name. What else would I have said?”

 

Sesshoumaru nudged Cracker Jack forward, forcing Vanessa to catch up if she wanted to continue the conversation.

 

“But I remember -”

 

“You were in shock. Your mind might have told you any number of things to protect itself.”

 

Of course he was right. Why shouldn't he be? She must have heard wrong before. She didn't feel the uncomfortable twinge in her stomach like she did when he lied through their bond. Still, a part of her wished the memory were true.

 

They rode in silence a few moments more before he spoke again, eyes straight ahead but with a voice filled with such conviction it was difficult to doubt him.

 

“I will protect you, Vanessa. Whatever it takes to see you safely home, I will protect you.”

 

“Thank you.” Home. She wasn't sure anymore which home she really wanted.

 

By the time they stopped for the night, she was sore in ways she'd forgotten since the first time she'd ridden a horse, and not for the first time wished that Shizu were still with them. Not only would she have someone to talk to, but she realized how much Shizu actually did to keep her in the saddle. Mentally and physically she was exhausted… It was all she could do not to just flop down in the grass and sleep until morning.

 

Sesshoumaru hardly spoke, but he also didn't leave her side for an instant. He didn't take his usual prowl around the camp that night, which led her to believe that he'd chosen this place specifically. Maybe he heard or smelled something that she couldn't. Vanessa did draw the line when she went to wash. The blood and sweat and dust from the road were making her skin crawl. What she really wanted was a hot shower, but all there was for her was a cold creek. She knew he wasn't standing so close just to sneak a peak, but it didn't make it any easier to strip down in the relatively unsheltered area he'd chosen.

 

“Sesshoumaru, please,” she pleaded softly. “I feel disgusting. Just give me a few minutes. I'll be quick.”

 

He gave her a hard look and finally stalked off into the darkness. She could practically feel him circling. She hadn't meant to, but she had worried him. Again.

 

Oh well. She sighed, and thought of the look in his eyes when he caught up with her earlier. She couldn't have imagined it. He was truly afraid for her so she decided to cut him some slack. He'd never reacted well to realizing he was worried about her, and this time was no different. She would give him some time to collect himself and everything would be back to normal. Already the bodies they left behind seemed like a bad dream, as if they weren't real. Part of her thought that she should be more distraught over the ordeal, but she was strangely calm about it now. She looked down at the ribbon tied around her wrist. Could she be feeling his calmness and using it for herself? There was so much they didn't know about the bond Kaede gave them.

 

Deciding she'd kept Sesshoumaru waiting long enough, Vanessa washed up in the creek and went back to him. He turned at the sound of her footsteps behind him. Every line was tense, as if he expected… well she didn't know what. They wouldn't have stayed there if they were in danger. Vanessa touched his elbow as she passed. “Is everything all right?”

 

His brow furrowed, but he followed her silently back to camp, and sat brooding by the fire for a long time afterward. Eventually he looked up uncertainly. “Are you very upset about what happened? About my actions?”

 

“No. Not anymore.”

 

“But you were.”

 

Something told her she had to tread carefully. She couldn't have him thinking she was ungrateful, she wasn't. Any number of horrible things could have happened to her if he weren't there to come to her rescue, but she came from a different time. Things were just done differently.

 

Vanessa nodded.

 

“They attacked. They took you from your horse. What would you have me do otherwise?”

 

“I don't know,” she whispered. “You were defending me. I know it wasn't just some killing rampage. That's not you. I guess it was just a shock. I never hurt anyone on purpose like that before.”

 

Sesshoumaru nodded.

 

“Where I come from… In my time, there are people to take care of the bad guys for us-”

 

“But you are not in your time.”

 

“I know, and I'm glad you're here to watch out for me. I do appreciate everything you've done. Really. There's just a lot about this time I'm still getting used to.”

 

He nodded again.

 

“We're okay,” Vanessa assured him. “I wouldn't have you as anything other than what you are.”

 

He gave her a peculiar look and then that little smile crept briefly onto his face. That small expression changed his whole appearance from the hard warrior she knew to the caring man she was getting to know. She couldn't help smiling in return.

 

“Early start in the morning?” she asked, assuming he wanted to continue putting distance between them and anyone who might have known the bandits. He nodded.

 

Vanessa stretched the kinks from her limbs and pulled her blanket over her as she lay down for the night. “Then good night, Sesshoumaru.”

 

“Sleep well,” he said softly.

 

That night, Vanessa dreamt of grasping hands. Men chased her and tore at her clothing, and when she looked back, they were bleeding from parallel gashes everywhere. Cuts that could only have come from claws…

 

She awoke with a gasp and sat bolt upright. There was a hand on her shoulder. With a frightened whimper, Vanessa tried to push it away, to get away from its grasp, but an arm like corded steel wrapped around her, holding her close against a similarly hard chest.

 

“Shh,” Sesshoumaru hushed next to her ear. “It is I.” He rocked her gently, and she realized then that he'd pulled her into his lap, holding her like he would a child. As the dream faded, she clutched the stiff edge of his kimono. “It was only a dream,” he soothed.

 

Vanessa shuddered as a last memory flitted through her mind, and laid her head on his shoulder. “Maybe I'm not as okay with what happened as I thought,” she muttered.

 

“Don't worry,” he said quietly, still rocking slowly with his cheek on top of her head. “I think I have always known that your time was very different from mine. Since we started this journey, I have always felt I ought to spare humans that I wouldn't have thought twice about eliminating if you weren't here, but when they took you, I could not take that chance. They had to die.”

 

“I-I know.”

 

“Are you all right now?” he asked softly.

 

“Yes. I'm sorry.”

 

“Stop apologizing, Vanessa,” he said. “It is unnecessary.”

 

“Sor- Okay.” She tried to get up and leave him alone, thinking he must want to get back to his night rather than hold back the stupid fears of a human girl, but he held fast. His grip on her was gentle but firm, and after the barest instant his arm loosened, giving her the chance to go back to her own bedroll.

 

Vanessa hesitated. He was warm, and she felt so secure in his embrace, but he was only humoring her. There was no way his actions were based on anything other than his promise to protect her. Reluctantly she hauled herself off his lap, but before she could take a step toward her bedroll, Sesshoumaru grasped her wrist and cocked his head as he looked up at her. Then without a word, he let go. Puzzled, Vanessa lay down again and pulled her knees up to her chin under her blanket. Much to her surprise, Sesshoumaru settled himself next to her. He was just far enough that they didn't touch, but he watched her with his head propped up on his fist.

 

“Go to sleep,” he said. “I am here.”

 

The thought that he would guard her even from her dreams was amazingly comforting. Vanessa smiled and obediently closed her eyes. She could feel the warmth radiating off of him, and it wasn't long before she was asleep again, this time without dreams.

 

VvVvVvVvVvV

 

Sesshoumaru didn't sleep much that night. He kept thinking back to their stay at the inn and the feel of her nestled into his side, but he was careful not to let that happen again. It couldn't. He wouldn't let it. But having her there beside him… The way her scent filled his head every time he closed his eyes… What little sleep he did allow himself, it was pleasant…

 

Over the next few weeks, Vanessa and Sesshoumaru progressed across Europe. Unfortunately, the more time he spent with her since the incident with the bandits, the harder he found it to keep his distance. They seemed to gravitate toward each other unconsciously and he simply didn't want to keep up pretenses. More than once he'd awoken to find that they had breached few feet he set between them when they settled for the night. Always reluctantly, he gently moved her away again.

 

On this morning, however, he wasn't so lucky…

 

A sharp intake of air woke him. Immediately he froze, heart thudding in his chest. He'd been caught. Sometime in the night she had nestled into his chest. It was only natural that he should put his arm around her and hold her close, wasn't it? He didn't want to let her go, but he didn't dare hold her if she didn't want it. She could react badly no matter what he did. He couldn't win.

 

“Well this is new,” Vanessa said, and he looked down to find her smiling uncertainly at him.

 

Thinking quickly, he tucked the blanket more securely around them. “It was cold last night.” It was a lame excuse.

 

“Oh.” With a yawn, she snuggled closer and closed her eyes again. “Five more minutes?” Her arms were trapped between their bodies, but one finger hooked into the collar of his kimono. She wasn't letting him go either.

 

Reference to Take Me Out to the Ballgame (1927), lyrics by Jack Norworth, music by Albert von Tilzer.

 

 

A/N: Seriously… Everything was conspiring against me getting this posted. The chapter has been more or less complete for about 5 months now, but… then there was graduation, and job interviews, and moving, and leaving my laptop power cord in Minnesota as I'm flying back to Connecticut, and killing my battery thinking “oh, I'll just turn it on long enough to copy the file over to my PC - and then getting distracted, and then being away from my apartment for a week… Well it's up now.

 

I haven't been idle these past months either. I've got notebooks filled with ideas and story lines I want to see fleshed out. I write while I'm in bed typically, and a notebook is easier to manage than a laptop sometimes - and if I fall asleep, a notebook is also much more durable than my computer. I've still got a stack that I need to type up from my stay in Germany. The downside to letting my thoughts flow out of my pen is I've got sometimes 3 scenarios for the same situation and I have to pick one so then I need to wait until the story progresses to that point to decide which is the best fit. It's also impossibly distracting at work when an idea pops itself into my head and needs to run its course.

 

P.S. Check out my deviantart page to see my vision of Vanessa ^_^ earthtome001<dot>deviantart<dot>com. I finally got around to drawing her as something non-cartoonish. Actually, I finally got a solid enough image of her in my head to be able to put her on paper. I know. Shame on me. So… if she ruins your own picture of the girl… too bad XD