InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ InuErotica ❯ Home (Sess/Adult!Rin) ( Chapter 6 )

A/N: A giftfic for Northstar and Fenikkusuken… may a fairytale await you on the other side…Written in the hopes that Feni and I will someday actually go Sess-tipping together - I'd be lying if I said this fic was not in part inspired by her beautiful ficlet, His. Many thanks to Forthrightly for a helpful beta read. . Home is a “Part II” to the events that take place in Wish [NC-17]. All attempts at humor were thoroughly vetted with Sesshoumaru prior to publishing and he has granted me his permission to go “this far.” (What a guy!) Disclaimer: Sesshoumaru and Rin do not belong to me and I do not profit from them. Warning: This is a lemon, an explicit lemon. [note: “Home” was originally posted April 6, 2007 and “No Longer Alone” on June 29, 2007]

 

Home

 

Sesshoumaru sat near the open screen of his private study, watching the breeze flutter the first few dying leaves on the flaming red maple in his private garden. Not for the first time this day, he caught the fingers of his right hand doing the unthinkable as they fidgeted briefly on the stone tabletop before he snarled at them to stop. The hard surface of the table felt strong and stable to his touch, with effort he placed his hand flat against its surface as though to borrow its strength, as though it could help him stand firm and unwavering through the changes coming towards him.

 

He was used to his household preparing for a guest; he was used to making weighty decisions upon which rested the future of others; and he was used to change, his own life having taken many unexpected twists through time. But he was not used to this nervous energy stirring in him, preventing him from concentrating on… anything. A little growl curled his lip as an urge to laugh at himself came upon him. He snapped his teeth to drive the urge away, for it was not funny, this feeling of imminent invasion.

 

Today she was coming to his home. To live. To bear their child. For the rest of her short life, Rin would finally be his. He would share her with humans no longer and she would be near him, to calm him and to keep him company as she had done on the brief occasions when he had been able to visit her human world.

 

Rising to pace under the pretense of returning a cup of cold tea to the stand by the door, he brushed aside a few remaining threads of shame, replaying the excuse in his mind that his mother had given him with a flip of her fan. You're tied by the Meidou and she's a short-lived little thing. Just do not let it distract you. Despite the convenience of this excuse for his retainers and courtiers, Sesshoumaru's simmering excitement at the thought of her presence always near him belied such a flippant trivializing of her role in his house. To himself he could admit it; he'd invited her here because he could no longer imagine his home without her… or the child. His home…

 

I will do better than my father…

 

His eyes moved across the room to light on a single piece of furniture, the heavy stone tea table chiseled from a solid block of obsidian which was a gift to him from his father, the only thing other than the sword that was explicitly passed down to him. Though, as with the sword, he did not fully understand his father's purpose in leaving him the table, it had become the center of his home, the heart of his sanctuary and when he was in proximity to its strength and longevity, he felt ephemeral and transient, as she was to him. He lifted his gaze from the heirloom, out across the garden to the simple screen that would soon open into another world, her world, and suddenly he felt vulnerable. She will be so close…

 

Reminding himself that she would be forbidden to enter his rooms, he calmed this new irritation creeping in to annoy him and concentrated on the small space of peaceful plantings that would separate them. The simple garden would be his protection and the hungry koi his guardians. He admired the gardener's care in shaping the place that brought him peace and he followed the curves and shoots of the sparsely placed miniature trees, their simple elegance so familiar. She would look upon them today for the first time… and yet when he tried to imagine the little garden through her eyes he failed utterly. Will she like it here? The mere distraction of trying to imagine her thoughts chaffed him and as he lost all patience with the effort, its intrusion beginning to pry open his life to make room for her. With a resigned sigh, he acknowledged that the shift in his world had begun in earnest.

 

He looked back at the table, his small space of peace by the garden, and suddenly the thought of sitting again increased his disquiet, his nerves vibrating too quickly to be contained in stillness. Turning on his heel Sesshoumaru strode purposefully from the room, headed nowhere in particular. As he walked with more speed down the wide open-air corridors, he took pleasure in the free movement of his long legs outpacing his hair as it fought the wind whipping it away. Soon his feet naturally carried him to the sparring chamber, also open to the mountain air. Nudging the fightmaster from his meditation with a careless toe, Sesshoumaru took up his stance and prepared to release his annoyances in the traditional way.

 

+++++++++++++

 

The distant sound of a gong stilled the air at the gate entrance when Rin, perched atop Ah-Un and floating behind Jaken's waddling steps, entered the magical place of her dreams just as the afternoon sun touched the tops of the trees. She did not know if she came here to be wife, concubine, or something less; but her time at the Daimyo's court was over, the edge of neutrality she had walked while mediating the political dialog between youkai and human washed away with her pregnancy. And now she entered a domain she'd heard Jaken tell stories of when she was young, a place she'd not been sure actually existed. She entered her lord's true home.

 

Her gaze wandered the polished wooden beams of the out-buildings, their gently sweeping roofs trimmed with rust-red arcs to draw the eye down and then up into the sky, as though with the flight of a bird. The grounds were beautiful, small paths barely visible as they wound through the sculpted foliage, even the flowers were pruned to perfection in relation to their companions; each plant carefully shaped to provide a counterpoint, or to create a space for, another feature of the garden. The patterns made by the living and the inanimate, situated in colorful harmony, shifted as she floated by, the expert gardener having created a living artwork that moved as the observer traveled through the vibrant landscape.

 

Inuyoukai of all class and manner stopped to watch her silently as she went by, ignoring Jaken's grumblings and following her with their eyes. Some nodded to her, giving her neutral acknowledgement of her existence now in their lord's domain. Some simply observed her, either curiosity or resentment brewing in their gaze.

 

They reached a large building, many stone steps leading to a veranda overlooking the valley below. Despite his huffy mumbling, Jaken raised his two-headed staff so she could hold it, easing her way to the ground. She landed lightly and followed the little imp up the stairs, her few possessions, including her prized biwa, lashed to her back. When she reached the thirtieth stair, she had to stop and catch her breath, her excitement and pregnancy conspiring to rob her lungs of air. Jaken turned and started to scold her until he caught the genuine expression of distress on her face. He waited, glancing nervously up to the top of the steps.

 

Just as Rin begin to move slowly up the remaining twenty stairsteps, a figure shadowed the pinnacle. She dared not look at him, shamed by her exhaustion and as she neared the top she heard a retainer call to him and glanced through her lashes to see him accept a scroll and begin to open it.

 

Finally she reached the end of her small journey, still breathing hard, her face blushing. She raised her eyes only enough to see that he, too, was flushed and covered in sweat. His fine white hair clung to his cheeks and neck and though he was not gasping like she, she saw the rise and fall of his chest and knew he had recently exerted himself. She felt all the eyes she had seen, and more, on her then, waiting to see how she would greet her lord and how he would greet her.

 

“My lord,” she took a deep breath and bowed deeply, carefully steadying herself so she did not fall over. He did not move and she straightened.

 

“Welcome, Rin-san.” He spoke clearly and loudly so that all could hear, but it was a public statement, not an intimate message. Unlike their private meetings in the forest he did not come to her and hold her, keeping his distance in a regal way. But his eyes… she relaxed as soon as she saw the expression in his deep golden eyes as they welcomed her truly. He was glad she was here.

 

She tried to smile and then realized she'd stopped breathing. Feeling a little faint, she wavered and shifted her foot to catch herself, as for just a moment she felt as though all the strength had left her body. He flinched as though he would help her but she straightened with another deep breath, maintaining both their dignities in the eyes of his court.

 

“Jaken, have Kyo take Rin-san to her rooms,” Sesshoumaru turned to gesture at his aid with the scroll as they left.

 

Rin focused on walking, the exertion of the stairs having robbed her of all but the strength to put one foot in front of the other. Jaken clucked at her sluggish pace, forcing even him to slow his small steps. But she soon noticed that instead of following little green feet she was following the flowing robes of a youkai woman.

 

“Here are your rooms, mistress,” the inuyoukai with jet black hair spoke in a neutral way as she swept aside a screen and stepped into a lovely sitting room, simply appointed with a small table and several zabuton for sitting. “I am Kyo. I will be your companion and nursemaid to the child.”

 

“Thank you, Kyo-san.” Rin bowed to Kyo, unsure what her rank was in this place and equally unsure how to address this lithe woman who no doubt possessed twice her strength and might very well be both servant and prison guard. “I- I have more than one room?” Rin seemed to finally absorb the plural used by both Sesshoumaru and Kyo, taken aback since she had always shared a room with other women in the Daimyo's court.

 

“Yes, mistress.” Kyo moved across the sitting room to pull aside another screen that looked out on a small, but beautifully arranged private garden, every plant, stone and slope arranged to highlight a fiery red miniature maple at its heart. “Your rooms and the child's room are adjacent to Lord Sesshoumaru's.” Rin thought she heard a note of bemusement in Kyo's tone, and frankly Rin shared her surprise. Though she hadn't been sure what to expect, she had been fairly sure that Sesshoumaru would not want to be to close to a pregnant woman and newborn child. Kyo continued talking as Rin looked upon the beautiful greenery, dotted with late-season flowers. “However, this is his garden and you are not to enter it.” Rin heard the seriousness of her tone and immediately understood that despite the fact that the breeze blew freely through the open entry to his private place, she—and probably most of the others living in the compound—would never be allowed to taint the air around his personal place with their scent. She was here for his convenience, nothing more.

 

“What…” To distract herself, Rin walked the perimeter of her airy room, examining the fine detail of the scrolls on the walls. “What was this room used for… before?”

 

There was a silence and Rin's face tingled in a wash of embarrassment, wondering belatedly whether it had belonged to other women. She slid her eyes in a furtive look at Kyo, who caught her glance as a true smile lit her face, no doubt recognizing the trepidations Rin felt.

 

“Many things,” she said gently. “Come,” Kyo approached and helped her remove her biwa and traveling sack. “I will help you bathe and you must rest. You are tired from traveling.”

 

“I am very tired,” Rin exhaled, unaware until this moment how very weary she was.

 

“The men don't understand,” Kyo said, leading the way through a generously proportioned sleeping chamber to a small stone-lined alcove between two more screens. “They cannot see the child and so they assume that the child does not exist. But you know better, ne?”

 

Rin nodded, beginning to like this woman, and then removed her traveling kimono and handed it to Kyo as she resituated the combs in her hair to ensure they did not get wet. Kyo placed her clothes on a small bamboo table and brought the water bucket and cloth over so that Rin could wash herself.

 

Rin wiped the cold wet cloth across the very tiny bulge in her lower abdomen, barely noticeable except to her. She felt weak again and her arms slowed, another wave of exhaustion moving through her.

 

“Sit,” Kyo commanded and Rin sat so that the woman could wash her back. “The baby takes your strength as its own. You will rest. Finish and I will prepare your futon.”

 

Rin found the energy to complete her bath and dress in the thin white sleeping yukata Kyo had left her. Curious, she peeked past the other screen to see a small space that only had one accoutrement, a tiny little futon, just the right size for a child. He had this prepared for our child, even before he knows if it is a son. This thought touched her more than she believed possible and she choked a small sob of gratitude, suddenly flooded with amazement that her life, which had begun so marred with horror and abuse, had brought her to this place at the heart of his world where such beauty and peace lay waiting for her. So close to him...

 

Returning to her sleeping chamber, she found Kyo placing a thick blanket over a large futon, many times larger than any she had ever slept in.

 

“It's so big!” she exclaimed before she could clamp a hand over her mouth. I won't be able to fold it up by myself she thought to herself.

 

“It must be if you are to receive the master here,” Kyo did not try to hide her amusement. “Now you must rest.” To Rin's surprise, Kyo bowed to her, slightly more deeply than Rin had, and left the room, sliding the screen closed behind her.

 

Rin wanted to sink to her knees and collapse, but she made herself remain erect, listening to the silence and trying to believe that this place was really for her. When nothing changed, she crept back to the sitting room and walked its perimeter again, seeing her biwa propped in the corner and smiling at how happy it looked there. She stood gazing at the little garden, spying a koi pond and breathing the soft green scents of the leaves and flowers. When a small wave of nausea tickled the base of her throat she knew she had pushed herself and must lie down, but she couldn't resist another little peek in the baby's room before making her way back to the sleeping pallet and sinking down under the warm covers, falling instantly and deeply asleep, the ornamental combs still in her hair.

 

+++++++++++

 

Dusky evening filtered in from the surrounding forest as Sesshoumaru left the baths in fresh clothes, free of the grime of the afternoon's exercise. He moved down the corridor to his rooms at a more leisurely pace than he had left them, feeling physically relaxed and relatively at ease. When he drew closer, however, he began to tap the scroll in his hand against his thigh, and as he drew back the screen to his study he was surprised to note the return of that little bit of nervousness he'd left here, wondering if he would find that she had somehow broken the invisible barrier to enter his sanctuary. I can smell her on the air. She is so close… He stepped in to find the room bare, his cold tea removed and a fresh flower in the vase on his table, replaced while he was away.

 

He sat at the table to consider the scroll again, grinding his fangs on what it meant to the small time of peace he'd carved into his life. By the time he'd reached the bottom of the message, his annoyance had blossomed into impatient irritation once again. Standing, he dropped the scroll on the table and entered his sleeping room. The futon was out and prepared for him but he ignored it, following the trace of her scent out and through the garden, the fresh aromas on the cool evening breeze invigorating him as he brushed by the small juniper which wrapped a tendril of piney spice around him. He bypassed the entrance to her sitting room as he detected a stronger scent from her bedchamber and rested his hand on the private screen. Without hesitation, knowing that these were his rooms to enter as he pleased, he slid it aside, eyes immediately adjusting to the dark gray light inside. He saw that she lay on the futon, heard the soft regular sigh of her exhales and felt a momentary flash of anger that she was not waiting for him. His temper cooled quickly as he detected a change in her scent, a deepening of it. He found it comforting and noticed that she had cleaned herself from the dust of the day's travel, yet this new scent had stayed with her.

 

He stepped quietly into the room and moved to kneel on the mat by her side. Seeing her there lifted a weight from his heart and he selfishly reached down to touch her face. She started at the brush of his hand.

 

“Sesshoumaru-sama!” There was a note of panic in her voice.

 

“Rin.” He removed his hand and watched as she struggled sleepily into a bow atop the bedding. Something about her formality in this most intimate of places, her hair falling from its setting, struck him as amusing, though he did not laugh. Reaching to release the combs and pins from her hair, he felt a heartbeat of regret that they would not have time to establish a peace together before the child was born.

 

“I'm sorry, my lord…” Rin shook her hair loose and rose to kneeling, looking him in the eye since she sat atop the higher surface. “I should have…” She stopped, momentarily disoriented and not at all sure what she `should have' done. “Should have… attended you… I suppose.”

 

At the confusion in her voice, he did almost laugh, but kept his composure even as he enjoyed the light feeling in his heart. “I would like that.” Even he was surprised at the gentleness in his voice. “Are you well?” He remembered how pale and drained she'd looked when she arrived.

 

“Yes,” she said. “Just very tired.” Remembering what Kyo had said about men not understanding, she did not explain.

 

He inhaled her scent again and it stirred his desire for her. It had been over a month since they'd met last in the forest and she'd told him the news of their child. They had made love in that manner that protected her from him and the memory of it heated him. He touched her hand and then slid his fingers up her wrist beneath the flimsy cotton fabric she wore. She is mine and she is here.

 

Rin remembered the other thing Kyo had said about her bed being large enough to accept their master and as his hand stroked the smooth inside of her arm, her body responded, sending a rush of warmth through her, centered below her abdomen. She remembered the whispers of the women who giggled and told each other not to tell the men how much they enjoyed coupling before the baby became too big. Suddenly, she realized she would have a chance to find out if it were true. I am his and I am here.

 

Having become familiar with his body over the months after their friendship turned to trysts and their trysts to love, she knew what to do. Grasping his wrist lightly, she backed up and drew him onto the bedding.

 

“Tonight I will not need to remove twigs from your hair,” she said teasingly and realized that she was looking forward to making love on comfortable sheets instead of in the woods where they had met alone these past months. He made a noise that sounded like agreement and followed her onto the futon to kneel on the blankets, still warm from her body, she quickly removed her yukata and began working on the thin obi at his waist. His hand roamed her skin slowly, smoothing down her side and trailing the tips of his claws through the soft curls below her stomach before skimming the back of his hand up until he could pet the curve under her breast with the smooth side of his finger, lifting it slightly and rubbing his knuckle over her nipple as it firmed under his touch, before moving to the other breast to repeat his motions.

 

She smiled at his attentions and opened his haori and kosode raising on her knees to lift it off his shoulders and letting it fall down to join the tumble of bedding as she started on the knot in his hakama. As her fingers explored her task in the growing darkness she felt the extra tension on the fabric as he pressed against it, straining the knot and making her job harder. She adjusted her fingers to the knot in a new way and sucked in her breath as she felt his knuckle slip down to tease her wetness. The knot came away and he was in her hands, his velvety skin amazing her as it did each time she did this, thickening at her touch, becoming hard even as its silken texture remained softer than a baby's.

 

He leaned forward over his strong thighs to where their knees met, sighed and nuzzled her temple, urging her to raise her lips to his. When their mouths met, open and tasting each other eagerly, she was honored to be given this chance to please him again. He turned his hand, urging her to spread her knees as he stroked her with the flat of his finger, keeping his dangerous claws arched away from her delicate skin. His smooth motions between her legs lit something in her and she felt her nipples peak, urging her to squeeze him harder until he hummed deeply in his chest, presaging a growl.

 

His kiss deepened as he pressed into her mouth, forcing her to open her lips wide and accept his probing tongue. All the things they'd been to each other over the years of her life came together in this simple act of love and Rin felt the uncertainty of her role in his house melt away as his desire for her became more evident. She would worry about how low to bow to the servants in the morning. Tonight she was certain of her task, which was to please him. Breaking the kiss, she licked the spot at the back of his jaw that she knew tickled him and then traced the point of his ear with her tongue, blowing on it to send shudders through him before he could growl at her for the tickle. He let go a growl anyway, but it did not sound at all dangerous, acknowledging her expertise in sending uncontrollable sensations racing through him. As she worked her way down his chest, increasing the strength and friction of her hands on him to build his anticipation, his hand came away from her as she bent over to add her lips to the motions of her hands.

 

With a satisfied groan, he put his hand by his feet and arched his back to steady himself, pressing up into her eager mouth. His excitement filled her, and suddenly she experienced a new confidence; more than just the power to please him flooded into her as he began to pant under her licks and squeezes. Along with her sense of mastery now sat the power to carry a child—his child—perhaps a son, and to become a member of his house. This knowledge and a new physical strength that felt like the beginnings of motherhood blossomed in her, pushing away her residual weariness. Her body now carried their future and it exacted something in return, it wanted him badly, needed him, resolved to have him. Another hint of moisture between her legs brought with it a throb, a desire that fed her increasingly hungry movements over his hard flesh in her mouth and her free hand snuck down over her breast to find that little nub of pleasure and smooth her own moisture over it, working to please them both simultaneously.

 

After a few minutes of their excitement building together her body cried for him and needy noises gathered in her throat. Taking the initiative that he allowed her in these intimate circumstances, she rose and gently pushed him, urging him to lie beneath her, which he did. As she lowered herself over him, inhaled sharply as she always did when he entered her and gripped her waist with his clawed hand, she noted the urgency with which he began pushing himself into her, not even allowing her to adjust to his size. With a grunt, he arched his back and filled her completely. She gasped again as his thrust slammed into her and she felt a pinch like she'd never felt before, the pleasure and pain coming together in a new way. Involuntarily she cried out and he stopped immediately, breathing heavily. As her weight rested on him, she realized it was the baby causing these new sensations and that this position put all her own weight on the child. Feeling a little panicked, she needed to let him know he hadn't really hurt her.

 

“I'm sorry, Sesshoumaru-sama,” she said. “I think it is the pressure of the child.” His hand moved from her waist to smooth across her stomach.

 

“I see,” he said with that youkai neutrality she both admired and hated; but she could tell that he was disappointed. His hardness inside her had not abated and she knew he needed relief, as she herself still did.

 

“The baby is not hurt,” she assured him, putting her own small hand over his, interlacing their fingers. “I think that this position is not the best…”

 

Sesshoumaru's heart was pounding in his ears, the stimulation of her body over him combining with the shock of her cry of pain coming together to unnerve him. Since she was still lithe and thin it had not occurred to him the child might be a factor in their union this night and he was unsure how to respond. He had no wish to hurt her or the child, but he did have a need… a serious need that was not going away.

 

“Perhaps…” Rin sounded tentative “Another position?”

 

This suggestion filled Sesshoumaru with excitement and dread. He'd discovered that if he were under her, he could control himself more easily, however he had in fact begun to imagine other ways of entering her, but restrained himself in the interests of protecting her from his claws and teeth at the heights of passion. Now that it seemed they must explore other ways to be together, he grit his teeth in determination; he would find a way to control himself. Not only would he have to contain himself even more, but he would have to be careful of the child. She moved over him, sitting forward and then slowly pressing her weight down on him again, sending a surge of heat through him and he knew that he had no choice.

 

“I will have you tonight,” he said almost to himself as he crunched his stomach and sat up, wrapping his arm around her as he lifted her weight and shifted his legs underneath him, rolling her down until she lay in his arm below him, her head near the foot of the futon. She wrapped her legs around his back, pulling him down with her and he had to let go of her in order to put his hand down to support his weight. They remained joined through this awkward repositioning and as he released her she fell a few inches to the soft padding with a soft thud. She giggled. He paused, not finding this situation particularly humorous, but then her legs pulled him into her more deeply and he pushed into her while steadying himself on his single arm. She moaned and stopped laughing, for which he was grateful.

 

Slowly, he pumped himself in and out, careful about the pressure he placed on her, and she rocked her hips in time with his motions, her hands skimming his chest, smoothing over the skin of his back to rest on the muscles of his rear and pull him into her. The strain of holding himself over her on one arm and moving so slowly began to annoy him and as she began to pant and writhe a little under him he gave his himself permission to work harder, until he slammed into her with all his weight and she cried out involuntarily again.

 

A small growl of frustration broke free of his throat as he stilled his hips and felt the protesting surge of energy tingle through his sex even as his arm and chest burned with the effort to holding himself upright. Rin squirmed under him, clearly frustrated as well.

 

“Perhaps there is another…?” The girl wasn't giving up, he had to give her that.

 

“As I said, I will have you,” he pulled out of her and thought ruefully to himself, and it had better be soon. “On your knees, Rin.” Obediently, she turned over and pressed herself back into him. He tried to angle his way into her, but her legs were too short and he could not spread his knees far enough apart to get himself all the way in. She let her head drop onto her wrists and he heard her make a noise that sounded something like an ironic moan. He almost echoed it, but held himself back. This night of barriers was becoming tiresome.

 

She pulled away and turned to take him in her mouth once again, her hand held him steady as she closed her lips over him again. The smooth feel of her tongue was both calming and stimulating and he let her taste herself on him while he thought hard. She might be able to give him satisfaction like this, but it was the tight wet heat of her he wanted and as her motions quickened, the sensation almost tickled him in comparison to what he needed. Cupping her chin with his hand, he lifted her off him.

 

“Here.” He backed off the thick cushion and onto the floor, guiding her to follow him. “Turn around,” he said and was pleased at the happy noise she made as she figured out what he had in mind. Turning on all fours, Rin still on the bed and he kneeling on the floor, their height difference was still not quite right and he had to spread his knees far apart to lower himself appropriately. She could not open very far for him or else she would be too low again. Gritting his teeth at the pain in his hamstring as he strained to sink down, he managed to slide into her and was rewarded as she gasped and arched her back as he pulled in and out again, familiarizing them both with this wonderful new sensation. At first he moved slowly, building the tension as it grew between his legs and fighting the discomfort of his straining tendons. He ignored the pain and let his hand wander her back and dip down to cup her breast gently as she moaned and pressed herself into his fingers. Then he held her hip as he naturally picked up speed, making an effort to retain control of himself, but it became increasingly difficult and he hooked his wrist around her thigh so that he would not involuntarily pierce her with his claws. He heard little puffing exhales come from her lips as he pounded her, and just as he felt the coil tighten, a small twinge in the tendon stretched tight in his groin sent a warning signal through him. Knowing to trust his body when it alerted him to imminent injury, he stopped, breathing heavily against her back and cringing as he heard her frustrated little gurgle before she managed to suppress it.

 

Rin's body was surging with heat and tension. Having him in her and then stopping, and then in her and then stopping was starting to make her crazy, and she knew he was annoyed too. But she couldn't say anything for fear it would make him feel bad. And she had tried to make sure his need was served first, her own desires coming second if at all. But each time their position frustrated them, the potential humor in the situation struck her a little more deeply and her amusement began to build so that the third time he pulled out of her and she fell forward onto the bedding, she bit into it to stifle a snuffling moan. Blinking against the fabric, she composed herself and rose to find him growling audibly and lifting the edge of the futon.

 

“May I help you Sesshoumaru-sama?” She hoped she had kept the humor from her voice, but he growled even more loudly.

 

“Fold this back and get on top of it,” he said as he bent the heavy mat over with the strength of one arm and she pulled it towards her, confirming her earlier fear that she would never be able to move it on her own. Together they folded it over and she turned dutifully around only to find that she was once again too high. He pushed himself into her and a growl erupted as he bent himself, perhaps painfully given the fearsomeness of his snarl. “Get on your back,” he said and again she complied, helping to guide him in until he was about half way. He raised himself on his arm and braced himself with his toes to begin moving into her again. She relaxed into his movements and felt the heat rise on her skin again as the sweet tightness wound around her insides, building… his toes slipped on the slick grass mat and he fell back on his knees with a roar of frustration.

 

“Sesshoumaru-sama,” she began, sitting up in front of him and placing her feet beside his knees. She was about to tell him that he must allow her to pleasure him to satisfaction, but he stilled her words with a raised palm.

 

“I said I will have you tonight.” His tone had a determination about it that she could not argue with. And yet, looking at her powerful youkai lord as he glanced around the room seeking a new solution, his excitement clearly not abating as it just as clearly urged him to figure out some new approach to their dilemma, she could not stifle the little puff of a giggle. His sensitive ears heard it even though she had almost successfully turned it into a cough. A little spike of adrenaline shot through her heart as she saw the shadow of a raised eyebrow counterpoint narrowing eyes. “You find this amusing,” he said, his voice low and dangerous.

 

“No,” her heart sped in her chest as he leaned into her and she felt his hot breath against her cheek, “not at all.” She stretched her neck as he bent to lick at it and she felt very vulnerable suddenly. “I would ask you to let me pleasure you so that you are no longer frustrated.” She held her breath, hoping he would allow her to use her lips and tongue again. Though she'd never brought him the same level of ecstasy that way as with her whole body, she knew it was possible and was determined to succeed… if he would let her. Abruptly, he stopped his exploration of her jugular vein and rose, extending his hand to her.

 

“Come,” he said simply. “I believe I have a solution to my problem.”

 

“You do?” She said shakily as she took his hand and let him bring her to her feet.

 

“Yes, however, for the future I believe I shall have a special futon constructed.” He didn't laugh, but she did and she felt the warmth of his fingers as they intertwined with hers, guiding her into the garden. Naked, they walked under the moonlight past the pretty little trees, all bathed in silver and gray, by the little pond where the greedy fat fish plopped in the hopes of food, and up some small steps to a screen. He released her hand and reached to open it, stopping to turn and look down on her as she stood beneath him on the step. “Rin, you must never tell anyone that you have visited my rooms.”

 

“Of course,” she said, experiencing a small wave of fear, reminded that she was breaking an important rule of his household. Of course, he brought me here, she thought to herself as he pulled the screen back to reveal a simple room which looked elegant and lovely with the cool light spilling in to land on a low, dark tea table.

 

Sesshoumaru stood on the brink of bringing not only a woman, but a human woman into his personal space. The stupidity of his own words mocked him, warning her not to speak of breaking his rules when any youkai who came within fifty feet of his rooms would smell her scent permeating his private sanctuary. He'd always found it easy to resist laughing at himself—until now. But at this moment, he felt the urge to mimic that expression he so hated in his brother, the rolling of the eyeballs. With effort this time, he managed his composure, primarily by focusing on his objective and remembering the reality of his situation.

 

His aching need, and her gentle acceptance of him ever since he had known her made him feel safe in inviting her to share not only his home, but his heart. Without bothering to think on the risks that might be inherent in his next step, he moved into the room and pulled her after him. As he entered, Sesshoumaru relaxed, responding to the comfort of his private rooms, the place he felt most at ease . To his surprise, Rin's presence here with him did not feel uncomfortable or unnatural. In fact, if anything, he felt more at home with her by his side.

 

Kneeling before the stone tea table, Rin still standing behind him, he allowed a rare smile to break across his face as he verified that his father's table, his prized possession from the very man who had gifted him this weakness for human women, would serve his need very well. His desire to laugh again grew as he imagined his father's reaction to his plan. He decided that not only would he luxuriate in this final attempt to satisfy himself, but he would savor the deep irony of the location he'd chosen to welcome Rin to his life.

 

“Sit,” he commanded gently and guided her to stand before him, the backs of her calves touching the cool stone.

 

“On the table?” The incredulity in her voice humored him and he tugged down on her fingers.

 

“Yes.”

 

“It's so cold,” she shivered a little, perhaps for effect.

 

Still amused, he stood and went to his sleeping chamber, returning with the thick fur pelt he wore when traveling. Handing it to her, he repeated, “Sit.”

 

As she arranged the pelt on the cold table and removed the small flower vase so that the fluffy white puff did not knock it over, he smoothed his hand up her thigh and over the round swells of her rear, inhaling her scent and letting it warm him again. She turned and lowered herself to sit on the table. He inserted his hand between her knees, pulling them apart so that he could inch in between them.

 

“I believe that you found my frustration amusing.” He took her hand and brought it to his still thick shaft, which had lost some of its rigidity during the journey to his domain. Rin understood his unspoken command and traced her fingers lightly down his length, heart pounding and hoping satisfy his need this time, she gripped him gently and then harder, encouraged as he hardened in her fingers and she heard a sigh escape his lips.

 

“No, my lord,” she whispered, leaning in to kiss his neck as his hand skimmed her back. “I do not want you to be frustrated.” Within moments he was stiff in her hand and she thought it was time to try to please him again with her mouth. As she began to nibble her lips down his chest, drawing a moist line with her tongue, he caught her chin in his palm before she even reached his navel. Lifting her face, he brought his mouth down to meet hers, kissing her as his hips rocked forward to press himself into her hands. She heard a rumble in his chest and felt unnerved again, wondering if she had somehow displeased him.

 

“Perhaps if you understood my frustration, you would not be so amused,” he growled and she was shocked to hear the slightest hint of humor in his voice. Before she'd fully absorbed the fact that perhaps her somber and reserved taiyoukai lover even had a sense of humor, he lowered his mouth to her breast and licked at it, surprising her into a giggle. She bit her lip and prayed she had not just signed her death warrant, but next she felt his hot breath on her belly as he licked her beneath her navel. “Your mother needs a lesson, little one,” he rumbled just as dangerously and Rin sucked her breath in, still unsure if what she heard was playfulness or anger… but he had just spoken to the baby… spoken to the baby! Is my lord alright? Before her mind had sorted out these strange reactions of his, Rin felt his long tongue slip into her wet lips and lap at her round little nub, drawing a surprised cry from her, matched by another as he licked at her again and then… chuckled!

 

Before she could fully adjust to the fact that Sesshoumaru had laughed in her presence, she fell back on the soft white puff she remembered from her childhood and laughed herself, her voice happy and bringing an altogether unfamiliar sound to this somber place. But if he was unhappy with this desecration of his abode, he did not demonstrate it, but continued his attentions until she was quickly back on her way to a rising twist of excitement, sure to bring her to a mind numbing explosion any minute.

 

“Sess-” she panted, touching his face as he licked her only to feel his tongue slip out and encircle her finger, wringing another groan as she felt him suck it into his mouth and she squirmed a little, frustrated and wanting him back between her legs. “Sess- Sesshoumaru-sama?” she managed to huff out. “Pl- Please. Let me…” She threw her head back as he released her finger and returned to penetrate her deeply, burying his nose in her and plunging his tongue up inside. “You… What about you?” He didn't speak and returned to her most sensitive flesh, increasing the speed at which he flicked the skin around and over her erect little spot, no longer teasing her but unmercifully bringing her higher until her whole body convulsed underneath him and she cried out, wrapping her legs over his shoulders and squeezing his head between her thighs until he stopped moving. Her muscles would not release him as a wave of strength clenched her insides around the hard little spot below her stomach, hugging their child in the aftershock of her orgasm. She giggled a little as it tickled her insides and then left her. He snuffled a little snigger, his breath warm on her hair and skin.

 

Before she could say anything he pushed her leg aside and rose, nudging himself hard against her still-quivering opening. She held her breath and lifted her knees to help him gain entrance. Pulling out slightly to moisten himself in her, he slid back in smoothly, exhaling loudly even as she gasped an inhale and with a strong thrust he was finally able to bury his full length in her body. She inhaled sharply again as he withdrew and moved slowly back in. He fit so perfectly and yet at this angle did not go so deeply as to place that uncomfortable pressure on the baby.

 

Slowly he built his rhythm until they were both sweating against the breeze that blew gently in from the garden. Rin began to thrash her head as the friction of him moving against her sensitive skin became like a white-hot flame, sizzling until she began to shake with the effort to contain the tension and failed, straining her neck and burying her nose in the fluff surrounding her and moaning as her body convulsed around him, causing him to speed into her, pounding her so hard that she did feel some of that discomfort briefly before he strained up and penetrated her one last time, gnashing his teeth in the air in a snarling groan until she felt the warmth of his seed pump into her with the tremors and twitches of his orgasm.

 

He leaned over her on his arm, breathing heavily and she smiled up at him, so many thoughts flooding her brain. She lifted her fingers to play in his hair as it cascaded down around her, mingling in the white fluff behind her. As he calmed he brought his hand, cool from touching the stone, to smooth over her body, pausing over her belly just above where their bodies met and probing the little hard spot gently. She sensed a shift in his attitude, the humor and passion leaving him as weightier thoughts crowded his mind. She stirred, beginning to become uncomfortable, and when she moved her head again she heard the crackle of paper behind her. This sound caught his attention and as she reached behind her, he pulled out of her and came forward so that his knees were under the table and he knelt before her, his hand still on her stomach.

 

“I'm sorry, Sesshomaru-sama,” she said as she lifted the crushed scroll out from under the white pelt. “I hope this is not too damaged. I didn't see it in the dark.” He took the scroll from her hand and tossed it aside.

 

“I do not wish to think on it until morning,” he said, a note of sadness in his voice.

 

“What is it?” Rin sat up then, running her fingers along his scalp and enjoying the tilt of his head against the pressure of her nails.

 

“A request for me to travel,” his tone was neutral again.

 

“Travel?” Rin understood his sadness now. “Where? For how long?”

 

“Far,” he said. “Too long.”

 

“May I come with you?” She did not think on the practicality of her question, but spoke impulsively, like she had as a child. Now that she was with him, she did not want them to be apart again.

 

“No,” he said, wrapping his arm around her back and leaning in to nuzzle the underside of her breasts with his nose. “You belong here now.”

 

They were silent for a moment and she kissed the top of his head trying to think of something to say.

 

“This table is very convenient,” she blurted out and then winced.

 

Sesshoumaru laughed.

 

He hadn't meant to. He'd been thinking about the journey ahead and all the reasons he'd rather not go, wondering whether he could return before the child was born, trying to imagine a way to tell his mother no. Rin's blunt and simple observation of the obvious had caught him off guard.

 

“Yes,” he said, his heart lightened and grateful. He placed his palm down on the hard cold stone. “I do not think its original owner would have thought of this use for it.”

 

“Oh?” Rin leaned back, placing her own hands on it. “Are you sure? It's awfully stable. Almost as though it were made for just this very thing.” She giggled and her words struck him like a rock to the temple. My father did meet the challenge of a human woman, after all… This thought too difficult for him to absorb, he shook his head and stood, holding his hand out.

 

She took it and rose, stifling a yawn. “I'm cold,” she said and bent to pick up his pelt, wrapping herself in it. Normally, he would have sent her back to her room, but this being the last night he would spend with her for some time, he guided her into the private alcove near his bedchamber so that she could clean herself and then lay her down in his bed. She took the fur pelt with her and he almost took it away to hang it back up, but then realized it would carry her scent on his journey. And so once again this night he broke every rule he had erected to protect his privacy and his dignity, cleansed himself and lay with her in his own bed, wrapped in his fluffy white traveling pelt.

 

“Where are you going?” She asked sleepily, nestled against him.

 

“North.”

 

“So when I miss you I should look to the North Star?”

 

“Yes.” He rested his hand on her hair.

 

“I'll look at it every night.”

 

“I shall look upon it too.”

 

+++++++++

 

The sun had come and the day began with the preparations for his journey. Sesshoumaru was irritated again. The mission seemed trivial and everywhere he went on the grounds, speaking with retainers and leaving instructions to be followed during his time away, her scent clung to him, his pelt literally wafting her before him as he strode about. They all knew. Every eyebrow raised in his direction brought a warning growl to his chest and by the time he returned to his rooms to gather his final things, the sun only partway to its height in the sky, he was close to a temper. Two things remained and he decided to take care of the more difficult of them first. Passing through the outer room, he entered the small garden and strode purposefully through, ignoring its beauty and peace. Without announcing himself, he opened the screen and found her sitting, sharing tea with Kyo, who blanched white at the expression on his face and rose to bow. Rin also rose, somewhat more slowly. Kyo excused herself.

 

“Rin.” His plan to say good-bye and leave simply fell away as he saw her standing in her new home, strong and beautiful. I don't want to leave. “You and the child will be safe here.”

 

“I know,” she said softly. “I will miss you.”

 

I will miss you too. “Hmph.”

 

“When you return…” She seemed as though she were mustering her courage, which puzzled him, until she finished her thought. “I will hope to make you laugh again.”

 

Her comment caught him by surprise and he almost smiled, but stopped himself. Afraid he might break down and smile anyway, he stepped forward and took her face in his hand, leaning down to kiss her. She answered his kiss and as he pulled away, her taste clung to his lips. He licked them and she smiled. He bit his tongue to keep his mouth still. With a last look up and down her, memorizing her shape and form to take with him, he left.

 

Brushing by the small, fiery red tree with his robes and pelt, he walked more slowly, his mind distracted again. Finding himself in his study, he stood before the black table and knelt to retrieve the smashed scroll with the instructions for his destination. The small vase was still on the floor where she had placed it and he put it back on the table. The whole room smelled of her and he realized what he had done in allowing her into the very heart of his home; he had contaminated it and succumbed to a passion which desecrated his treasure. Rubbing the smooth polished surface with his hand, he realized that he had not a single regret in doing these things and he imagined his return, when he smelt of the dust of the road and no longer carried her scent with him. This place would reek of her and it would make him happy.

 

The table under his hand felt cool and sturdy and he knew without a doubt he would use it again, for its complete purpose had now become clear to him.

 

A broad smile lit his face as he rose and prepared to leave. She had invaded; conquered his home and his heart and he was glad of it. The low sound of his laughter filled the room and as he closed the screen softly behind him it settled down upon the table top to await his return.

 

Epilogue ~ No Longer Alone

 

A/N: Dedicated to mothers everywhere. Written for Helena_Markos (aka liliesformary) for winning my caption contest on LJ and to cheer her up through a tough time (well, that was the original intent anyway). Two pictures inspired me in the writing. “Winter Sunset” by Liliesformary (http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/28824585/) and Higanbana” by Foo-dog (http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/40486011/). Thanks to them both for their beautiful artwork. Thanks also to Forthright for inspiring me to write a vignette and Fenikkusuken for writerly feedback and refusing to accept anything but my best.

 

After Sesshoumaru left, Rin spent the day in her room. She cleansed herself and then pretended to become familiar with the luxurious space, arranging the sparse décor to her liking; but winding around her newly found happiness, that she had a place - an honored place - in his home, writhed a small tendril of seeping sadness that weighed on her thoughts. She unpacked her few things and carefully placed them in the ancient mahogany chest. Running her fingers lightly over the carvings on its facade, chiseled with such care into deeply stained wood and then smoothed with the oil of daily use, she wondered about the people now gone who had felt its grooves and appreciated its lovely, curving designs.

 

After meditative consideration, she decided to leave a beautiful scroll hanging where it was and stood admiring the multitude of tiny brushstrokes carefully placed by the artist, some so small they could only be seen up close. One image, of a small child playing happily with a puppy under the watchful gaze of a woman near a quiet mountain stream, appeared formed by a single hair on the tip of the brush, so thin and delicate were the ink trails as they traced boundaries around small blushes of color. The child was so joyful, the pup so energetic… she stepped back away from them… those tiny little wisps of ink brought the entire piece to life, made the leaves on the little ink trees shimmer and the puppy dance, toying with her eye until she allowed herself a delighted little clap into the silence, playing along with the still life before her. The scroll made her happy and she resolved to look at it each time she felt the sadness encroach.

 

Had he left her these wondrous things because he wanted them to keep her company? Did he appreciate such elegance or were they merely added to his household by a servant with discerning taste? She decided to believe he had left it here for her, because he had known it would make her happy. Believing so made her feel less alone, as though he were still there with her in spirit if not in flesh.

 

She placed the small tea table “just so” with respect to the open screen to the garden - his garden - and then she arranged it “just so” again. And again.

 

Finally, she sat down and looked out at the small trees and flowers that had only days to live in the cooling weather. Her eyes roamed the many shades of green, plum and umber but her gaze was drawn to the flares of bright red and yellow-orange where the late afternoon sun brought a few moments of life to the dying foliage of autumn. She reflected on the dimming life before her and then placed a hand on the hard little mound of her belly, over the budding life within her. She recognized her gesture as a futile effort to hold that little life still, to arrest its growth - however briefly - as it followed the inevitable path she herself journeyed, moving steadily towards the same end that awaited the wilting greenery.

 

She took ironic comfort in the garden. Fleshy stalks and solid bark resisting the early winter chill to stand tall above once-vibrant flowers already bowing their darkened petals to the ground. But the flowers would come back… twinned images of their previous glory, yet not quite the same. Are next summer's flowers resurrections, or are they perhaps the children?

 

What did he think about when he studied this garden? Fighting strategies? Conquest? The twisted intricacies of clan innerworkings that too often resulted in tragedy? Or did he let the garden wash these things from him, cleansing him and refreshing him with the encapsulation of life's mysteries?

 

She could not ask him; he was gone.

 

She probed the solid flesh around her womb with her fingers, wishing to feel those little movements inside her like tiny bubbles rising to burst within her… barely there, but strong… alive. Her friend Sayuri had told her before she had gone into labor, the labor from which she'd only rested in death, that All women bear their children alone. Rin was ready for this trial; she'd been ready to risk herself to fate's random whims when she first met him in the forest, because risk of death at his side gave her reason to live. And so she accepted the inevitability of this uncertainty. But now she was responsible for another; and she realized with a slight speed of her heartbeat that she had only begun to understand what worry might truly mean, for it was no longer only her own life at play in her dance with fortune.

 

If he were here, it would be easier. Though they would not speak of these things his great strength would calm her even though it could not chase the fear away. He was a friend to death and to life, meting both out with skill that only he could wield. Should death be growing in her womb, he would know how to greet it when it arrived and she would take comfort, knowing that whatever life remained when her ordeal was complete, it would be in his care. Not all women were so lucky as to have such a father for their child. If he were here, perhaps she would not be alone… but then, they had always been alone, even when they were together. It was part of what made her strong, her ability to be alone and content, and it was that strength that drew him to her.

 

To be with Sesshoumaru was to be alone.

 

A small commotion of noise broke out from beyond the garden and she glanced up. The screen to his rooms snapped open, framing his tall form as he stepped purposefully into the little sanctuary, trailing his robes and pelt as they brushed softly against the leaves in his path. He was dressed in armor, with his sword strapped securely to his hip, always at the ready to deliver death or life as the necessity or opportunity came upon him. He did not see her sitting quietly at her little table when he bent to pick a bravely standing flower, a higanbana flower, carefully pinching its stem between lethal claws so that it came cleanly into his palm. Lifting it, he inhaled its scent and her heart opened with happiness to see a small relaxation come over his features. That flower had been her favorite as a child… was he was taking it with him, to remember her while they were apart?

 

As she watched him retreat to the beginning of his journey, he noticed her scent. She saw his face rise with a barely perceptible tilt to follow a wafting breeze, turning to look at her over the tops of the garden plants. A fan of white branches, already starkly absent of their leaves, spread out behind him and screened the late day sun as it sent his shadow to the steps just below her vantage point. He did not move, but looked at her, his habitual expression of judgment and reserve shifting to mild surprise as he accepted her gaze in return.

 

They did not speak, having already parted, but merely looked upon one another; he, standing among the dying and she sitting with the living. His thoughts were a mystery but hers rested upon the singular realization that all life lived with them in that single moment; all things hung in the balance between them; all happiness and horror; all time that had led them to this place and all time that would follow; it was theirs; it was here with them now as it would never be again, and they shared it together, not alone.

 

An expression of wonder briefly crossed his features, as though he too were capturing that same sensation of everything possible, memorizing it until they would experience it together again. His eyes fell to where her hands rested protectively over the symbol of their union and then rose again to capture hers, a hint of longing in them. He blinked slowly, once again bidding her farewell and acknowledging her strength, the strength in which he entrusted the care of their child, here in their home. Turning, he moved slowly and steadily back to the road before him, taking with him his miracles of life and death and leaving her with her own - alone.

 

As the sun touched the horizon, leaving the sky to follow his path into the night, Rin rose and returned to pace the room, lighting an oil lamp and then stopping to consider the scroll once more. She was tired, her body working constantly to nourish the life within her, and she wished to sit again. But her eyes were drawn irresistibly to the little child under its mother's watchful gaze and she leaned in feeling as though she entered a private sphere, a ghost of artist's memory flickering in the waning lamp light, playing tricks with her eyes. In the shadows of evening it was not the merry pair at the waterside which called her attention, but the tilt of the woman's head beyond them, bowing beneath the weight she bore, the weariness. And yet… a tiny smile formed by the slightest lift of the brushstroke graced her face, hinting at a gentle acceptance of her burdens, the price of the moment of joy before her.

 

Rin stood, captivated by the tiny figure, and an image of another woman swam hazily before her eyes. She had had a mother once, too, before memory… The wisp of remembrance smiled at her, a small curve of its mouth breaking through the solitude within her and she had the strangest feeling of being held… Was this the power of a mother… that she could hold her child so comfortingly from the grave?

 

Rin gave herself to the warmth growing in her and sent a blessing of thanks to the mysterious mother she could not remember. Gathering the love pouring into her heart along with the skirts of her robes, she sat once more by the darkened garden, tenderly placed her hands on the little curve above her lap.

 

As the moon rose, lighting his path far away and bathing their garden in shimmering silver dew before her, she held their child, no longer alone.

 

Finis