InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ InuYasha No Baka: A Feudal Mishap ❯ Fanfictions Gone Wild ( Chapter 3 )

Chapter 3: Fanfictions Gone Wild

 

Yami396

 

Just by looking at title, you can tell how this is going down.

 

Dedicated to Caboose-Doughnut.

 

Disclaimer - I don't own InuYasha or Kingdom Hearts 1 or 2, but I do own the “How To Write Sesshoumaru/Kagome Fics for the Hormonal Masses.” I'm hoping you all get the joke.

 

.::00000000000::.

 

Odds are, if the battle between InuYasha and Sesshoumaru had gone on longer, and InuYasha hadn't discovered his streak of luck and figured out how to work his sword, Sesshoumaru would have won. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on who the fangirls were rooting for, InuYasha accidentally pressed the TRANSFORM button on the hilt of the sword, triggering the inner mechanisms of gears that hadn't been used in centuries to retract the old, tattered, useless blade, clean it up a bit, and then spit it back out all nice and shiny.

 

“I didn't know it could do that!” InuYasha exclaimed, examining the blade. “Hey! It's furry!”

 

“See, I told you it was mine,” Sesshoumaru snapped, pointing to his…boa…tail…thingy.

 

“Why do you wear that, anyway,” InuYasha asked him. He'd always wanted to know, curiosity overweighing slight apprehension. Sesshoumaru sniffed.

 

“If you must know, it's a fashion statement,” he said snobbishly, petting it. InuYasha looked at him as if he were an idiot.

 

“That thing is a fashion statement?” InuYasha asked him incredulously. “What kind of message are you trying to make? The `I can't dress myself properly in the morning' statement?”

 

“Don't call it a thing, you'll hurt its feelings!”

 

“Oh please,” InuYasha said in his best Valley Girl accent. “You have some major issues. Go take it somewhere else.” He flicked out his hand in front of him.

 

“InuYasha, you're acting like a girl,” Kagome called down to him from her perch on a strategically placed branch. “What did I tell you about doing that?” InuYasha blinked.

 

“Oh yeah, I'm not supposed to do that anymore! Damn, being pinned to a tree for fifty years makes you forget things.” He pointed Tetsusaiga at Sesshoumaru. “Okay you bastard, I'm gonna slit your stomach, take out your guts, and put `em in a bowl!” InuYasha leaped at him, but before either one of them could react, there was a brilliant flash of light, and for a minute, nothing could be seen except for blinding white all around.

 

.::00000000000000::.

 

Everything shook inside the void of nothingness. Tapes fell out of shelves, coffee cups crashed to the floor, Ueda and Suwa were thrown from their chairs, and little bits of plaster rained down from the ceiling. There was horrific noise, like the sound of fingernails slowly scraping their way down a chalkboard. It was the stuff of nightmares.

 

“What the hell is going on!?” yelled Ueda above the deafening noise. Suwa crawled out from his hiding place beneath the control board, holding his head.

 

“I don't know!” he yelled back. “But I think something bad is happening!”

 

“No shit!” Ueda yelled, secretly hoping that one of the plaster chunks fell on his partner's head. “No, this is just turbulence.”

 

“We have turbulence?”

 

“NO! I was being sarcastic you half-wit of a half-wit!”

 

“You don't have to be mean about it,” Suwa sniffled. “I don't know what's happening.” Another spasm rocked the void, bouncing anything not bolted down, including Ueda and Suwa.

 

“Turn on the monitor!” Ueda yelled, clutching a pole. “See if you can get a picture!”

 

“The monitor's not working!” Suwa yelled back. He was worried. There had been stories about this happening before, tales older, more experienced workers told to scare the new recruits. They were horrifying stories about the void being taken over by enemy forces, like FUNimation, Anime4Kids, and TokyoPop. But the most horrible enemy that could ever breach the systems was known as Them.

 

Their true names were not mentioned, ever, and everyone feared them, even the old battle-seasoned veterans. There had only been one known attack, and the workers inside had never been seen again. No one knew what Them looked like, but the stories told of them being mutants, with hair growing out everywhere, chanting evil incantations. Some said they were alien mutants, some said they were sewer mutants, and some said they came from the very depths of Hell, thrown out by the Devil himself. The void shifted, and the two men were thrown into the window.

 

“Holy Hell, what is that?!” Ueda yelped, smushing his face into the glass.

 

“I think we're under attack,” Suwa whispered.

 

What they saw made their blood run cold. Another so-called void was wriggling its way into the control port, pushing Ueda and Suwa's void out of the way. If they looked close enough, they could peer into the window of the alien void, and they could make out vague shapes moving around. The enemy void slammed into them again, pushing the windows side by side.

 

“Kami, we're doomed,” Ueda muttered. “There's no way we can fend Them off.” Suwa nodded. It was useless; they were defeated and the battle hadn't even started yet.

 

Amazingly, the two were right. For inside the enemy void, was Them, a gaggle of authors, ranging in age from early childhood to late teens. Each wore some sign of being an InuYasha character groupie, some had on fake ears and fangs, others were cosplaying, and some of the more down-to-earth fans wore t-shirts. They moved about freely in their void, laughing like the maniacs they were, sometimes stopping to type something on the mammoth computer that graced one of the walls. One said something, illegible through the glass, and the rest of them laughed, while one of the older groupies, presumably the leader, quickly typed something down. Suwa and Ueda's void groaned, and began to drift away.

 

“STOP!” they yelled, banging on the glass, trying to get the enemies attention. One of the authors looked over, saw them motioning wordlessly, and gave them a cheeky grin. She picked up a notebook and marker, and wrote in large, loopy handwriting, complete with hearts,

 

“SYSTEM OVER RIDING. TAKING OVER PORT.”

 

“NOOOOOO!!!” the two Japanese men yelled.

 

“SYSTEM OVER RIDDEN. WE ARE IN CONTROL NOW. HAVE A NICE DAY!”

 

The void of nothingness groaned one final time, before all cables attaching it to the port snapped, and was hurtled throughout space and time, carrying two panicked men, and leaving a gaggle of evil-minded authors behind.

 

“Time to have some fun!” the leader yelled, pumping her fist into the air. “sAnGo'SmAn987582 Version 2.5, would you like the honor of being the first to introduce your idea?” The young man, maybe about ten or eleven grinned, and started to move towards the chair, but was stopped by a small girl clinging to his arm.

 

“That's no fair,” she pouted. “He'll just write himself into the story so he can end up with Sango. I'm the one who's the actual writer! I wanna write!” sAnGo'SmAn987582 Version 2.5 shrugged, and said,

 

“I don't really care, as long I get to write myself in at some point.”

 

“It will be done,” the leader said, relinquishing her seat to the diminutive girl.

 

“Oh yeah, this is gonna be good!” she squealed, pigtails and fake boa thingy bouncing. “SessKagfan008 reporting for duty!”

 

.::000000000000000000000::.

 

The blinding light faded, and the world once again came into focus for the three in the skeleton. Kagome had fallen off her branch during the confusion, and was nursing her sore bottom on the ground, while InuYasha and Sesshoumaru blinked rapidly, trying to clear their eyes of flashing dots. None of them were aware of the struggle that had happened in the void of nothingness.

 

“What the fuck just happened?” InuYasha demanded to know, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It gave me a fucking migraine!”

 

“No one cares about you, you-” Sesshoumaru stopped in the middle of his insult, eyes glazing over and becoming unfocused. A faint whimsical smile played upon his lips. Hazy gold eyes fixed on Kagome, and she stiffened like a deer caught in the glare of oncoming headlights, froze like a girl's boyfriend when he's been caught watching dirty movies on his computer again. “Kagome.” He spoke softly.

 

They say a picture is worth a million words. Perhaps they were talking about the genuine expression of horror on InuYasha's face when Sesshoumaru whisked by him, scooped up Kagome, and made haste out of the skeleton. Of course, InuYasha did not really see all of this happen. All he saw was a white blur rush past his face, was boa-whipped the next second, and then all he could hear was the soft `eep' of Kagome echoing throughout the empty cavern of his father's ribcage.

 

“What. The. Hell. Did. I. Just. See?” InuYasha punctuated to nobody in particular. He looked around, as if the answer to his question would come floating by.

 

“That, master,” a small voice, wisdom found by age, spoke from his shoulder. “Was what I like to call A.P.S.” The voice belonged to Myoga, the unfaithful retainer to the Inu-family. He had lived through many ages, and knew knowledge that no one else knew, or that was deemed unimportant.

 

“What's A.P.S?” InuYasha, always in a perpetual state of confusion and ignorance, asked.

 

“A.P.S. Author Possession Syndrome,” the flea explained. Upon seeing InuYasha's still mystified expression, he deliberated. “It happens sometimes in animes and mangas. Groups form cults of sorts, and they attract members by advertising that people can write their own fanfictions without being apprehended by the law. People come up with their own ideas, or ideas that have been overused, and they use us in them. Authors then collect power from sources called R.E.V.I.E.W.S. or Remember, English Verification Isn't Essential With Sentences.”

 

“When enough of these R.E.V.I.E.W.S. have been collected, it gives the author power to overthrow certain limitations between their world and ours, so that they can infiltrate this world and reek havoc amongst us.”

 

“I've never seen that happen,” InuYasha mumbled. Myoga shushed him.

 

“Let me continue. Doing so requires a massive amount of R.E.V.I.E.W.S. power, so usually no one has enough to do so. But sometimes, authors band together, and combine their R.E.V.I.E.W.S. to form one massive unit. Although dangerous, they can harness it and use it to hack themselves into the anime.”

 

InuYasha wanted to know, “What does this have to do with that bastard?”

 

“If you stop interrupting me, I'll explain further. Once hacked into the system, these authors can use their Keyboard of Submission to take over another character. That's what A.P.S. is. Your brother has been taken over by one of these authors, and is being subjected to O.O.C.D. or Out Of Character Disorder. He will not act himself until the author becomes tired, is replaced, or the lot of them has been exterminated.”

 

“But why did he take Kagome? He doesn't even like humans,” InuYasha pointed out. Myoga rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

 

“Hmmm, I'm guessing that this particular author likes Alternate Pairings, and that the favorite is Kagome and Sesshoumaru.”

 

“Is there anything we can do?”

 

“We have to wait it out. If we lose Kagome, we'll have to find a replacement.”

 

“Whaddaya mean `lose'?” Myoga shrugged.

 

“We don't know what the author is thinking. It could happen that the author might just kill off Kagome for effect.”

 

“They can do that?” InuYasha sounded gruesomely amazed, like when there's been an accident where the person was ejected from their car, and there's always that group of people around the poor person, gawking at him. Myoga looked up at him, eyes serious.

 

“You have no clue as to where their power extends, or as to how far they are willing to use it,” he said ominously. “Which is why,” he said, hopping down from InuYasha's shoulder. “I'm going to make myself very scarce until this whole mess clears up!” With that, Myoga zoomed away.

 

“Damn you!” InuYasha called after him. “I have to wait here alone until Kagome comes back, if she ever does.”

 

Jaken spoke up. “I'm here!”

 

“You don't count, toady!”

 

Jaken continued as if he hadn't heard InuYasha's comment. He was used to that. Sesshoumaru treated him like dirt anyway, what difference did it make if InuYasha started insulting him? “We'd best hope that those authors don't like Yaoi, or we're in trouble.” InuYasha's hair stood on end.

 

“Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts,” he muttered, rocking back and forth, curling up into a ball. “Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts…”

 

.::00000000000000000000::.

 

Ever since she was three years old, Kagome had daydreams about being whisked away by a handsome prince to live in his castle, and all in all, living the good life.

 

A demon lord did not qualify as a prince.

 

Especially not a demon lord who hated humans.

 

So Kagome couldn't really be blamed for being shocked into silence the whole time Sesshoumaru carried her away. Her mind worked, going a mile a minute trying to come up with a good explanation for this, but the best she could come up with was that he had eaten some very strange mushrooms and this was the side effect, something that even she highly doubted plausible. And that left with her a disturbing question. Why was he, of all demons, carrying her off somewhere, and why was he still wearing that glazed expression? The expression alone was enough to scare Kagome senseless, ignoring everything else.

 

“Why does this always happen to me?” she thought, the fact that she had never engaged in this sort activity before cast to the side. However, Sesshoumaru seemed to have found what he was looking for finally, and though she had finally settled into a comfortable position, he unceremoniously dropped to the ground, surveying the land before him.

 

Kagome was beginning to think falling on her bottom was becoming a regular practice. From her position on the ground, and once again, rubbing out the soreness, she spoke up, “What are you doing?” Not the most brilliant of questions, but it was a start, and she desperately needed that.

 

“Yes, I think this is suitable,” Sesshoumaru said, mostly to himself, giving no indication whatsoever of hearing Kagome's question. “This is, in fact, perfect. I commend myself.”

 

“What's perfect?” Kagome asked, straightening up, looking around at the field stretched out around her. A closer inspection revealed the cliff-like thing farther out, was in reality, a castle, a sprawling affair that stretched out the entire horizon. “What's with the castle?”

 

“It's mine.”

 

“You have a castle?”

 

“No, not yet.”

 

“Then why do you say it's yours?” Once again, she found herself confused by Sesshoumaru's antics. He simply shrugged.

 

“I'll make it mine,” was the simple answer.

 

“But what about the people there?” Kagome asked, always concerned for the welfare of others, or at least, when it served to get her out of doing something she didn't want to do, and she wasn't too particularly sure she wanted to be involved in this situation.

 

“They don't matter,” he said, flexing his claws. Kagome gulped audibly. “It says in the manual that I need a castle. So, there's my castle.”

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back up there a minute,” Kagome exclaimed, pointing a finger into his chest, or she would have, if she hadn't hit armor. “Manual for what?!”

 

“Here, see for yourself.” He reached into said armor, and after a moment of digging through, produced a slim book, which he tossed to her. She caught it, and turned to the cover.

 

“Writing Sesshoumaru/Kagome Fics For the Hormonal Masses,” she read, brow furrowing, eyes traveling back to read the title again. “What is this?” She flipped open, and began reading from a random page. “And in this chapter, we talk about the excellent (if not clichéd) use of having Sesshoumaru and Kagome profess their love to lead into a lemon…What!?” Kagome's voice rose to a high-pitched squeal. “What lemons?! What the hell is going on!?" Of course, Kagome had never heard of A.P.S., and she knew nothing of its symptoms, making her helpless to stop the events that were playing out. In reality, there was no stopping it, but she could have least known he had nothing against her; he was just being forced to act like that.

 

Somewhere, in the recess of his mind, the real Sesshoumaru was kicking himself and yelling bloody threats, promising to dismember Kagome and any other person involved, authors included.

 

“You want to jump to the lemon?” he asked, slightly bemused, while the real him inside his mind positioned his sword at his wrist and asked for just one more reason, and he would do it. “I didn't get to that part yet, but if you want to skip all the other steps, I guess that's okay.” At the first mention of `lemon' Kagome dropped the book, and now she stood as stiff as board, face chalky white.

 

“Ummm, you know, that's okay,” she said, not facing him. Her voice shook with slight apprehension. “You finish reading, and I'll go somewhere else. Somewhere very far away.” As she said this, she began to quietly sneak away, hoping that he would fall for it. If she could just get away, she could figure out what the hell was going on! Not to mention saving herself from a lemon!

 

He didn't.

 

Before she could take ten steps, he reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her back to him, effectively cutting off her escape route. Kagome whimpered. “Not good! This is most definitely not good!” her mind shouted at her, but she was trapped, and she could only wriggle in terror as Sesshoumaru's face came closed and closer to hers.

 

.::000000000000000000::.

 

While Kagome was suffering, InuYasha found himself in a rather displeasing and creepy situation.

 

It had started out bad enough; he had to listen to Jaken spew on and on about Sesshoumaru, and about all the weird habits Jaken had acquired over the years, and if that wasn't torture, then nothing was. Then, before either of them had time to react, InuYasha felt himself being lifted up by an unseen force, and he was carried away, leaving behind a ranting Jaken.

 

(“Yes, we got the other void working!” one the authors proudly announced back to the mother-ship. “When we found this one, we were afraid it wouldn't work. Now we can work on stories simultaneously!”)

 

“What the fuck just happened, and where the fuck am I?!” InuYasha shouted once the unseen force had deposited him in a deserted alleyway. “And what the fuck am I wearing!?” he yelped, only now noticing his red fire-rat kimono and hakama were gone. Replacing them were ripped black jeans that trailed onto the floor, with baggy pockets and chains hanging to ground. He wore a black Punisher tee for a shirt, one that was self-tailored to show as much muscle as was possible. Ears twitched in confusion and agitation, and something jingled, applying slight pressure to the appendage. “My ears are pierced!?” He reached up to touch it, and to his horror, found not one piercing, but several, and only on that one ear. “My fucking ears are pierced…and my eyebrow! And my nose! What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck!?”

 

Those author things were behind this; InuYasha just knew it. And he would be damned if he allowed himself to get caught in whatever they were scheming. He would find some way around it, get out of whatever hellhole he was trapped in, and get back to Jaken. At least Jaken was semi-sane, and InuYasha would rather listen to three hours of Jaken's annoying voice, than stand around in a smelly alleyway, waiting for whatever it was those author things had planned for him. With that in mind, he turned, fully intent on leaving the alleyway behind him. Unfortunately, he had waited too long, and what the authors had planned for him had already found him.

 

“Where the fuck do you think you're going, you stupid ass?” InuYasha blinked at the sound of the voice. It sounded like Kagome, but Kagome was nice to a fault, and she never cursed like that…

 

“Kagome?” he asked tentatively. The girl in front of him sighed impatiently.

 

“Jackass,” she snarled. “I told you never to call me by my fucking real name. It's Sadame!”

 

By this time, InuYasha was beyond confused. True, the girl's name was Kagome, though she adamantly seemed to hate it, and her face was Kagome's, besides the heaps of black massacre that outlined her eyes, but other than that, the girl was not Kagome. The Kagome he knew did not wear short black skirts that were ripped, nor did she wear a black tank top with a fishnet over shirt. Kagome was not supposed to be wearing a collar with black spikes around her neck, and she was not supposed to be wearing platform boots with spikes coming out of them as well. In fact, she was not supposed to be wearing spikes in general. Kagome didn't wear makeup; this one shoveled it one by the truckload, her face was a pasty white, her eyes were two rings of black, and lips were a dark purple.

 

Apparently, Kagome from the Hellhole did.

 

“Err…” InuYasha started, not sure if he wanted to continue this conversation.

 

“What's that matter with you,” the Hellhole Kagome asked him, fishing around in her pocket for a cigarette. “You're usually cursing away at someone, or kicking Koga's ass. You need to get laid or something?” She finally found her cigarette, already partially used, and lit up, the acrid smell of smoke irritating InuYasha's sensitive nose as she peered into his face.

 

“I…uh…” Too flustered to speak, InuYasha could barely even form a coherent sentence, never mind actually answer the question.

 

“Yeah, I think you do,” Hellhole Kagome answered for him, stepping back, snuffing out her cigarette on the wall. “Hold this for a second.” She handed him her collar. It took InuYasha several seconds before he realized what she was doing.

 

“Gah! Put your shirt back on!” he screeched, voice breaking several octaves in agitation and horror.

 

“Oh, shut up,” she replied unperturbed. “What's up with you today? You're fucking freaking me out. Cut the crap!” She moved closed to him, pushing her chest into his arm.

 

“Enngah! What are you doing!?”

 

“What does it look like genius?”

 

“You mean here!?”

 

“No shit Sherlock!”

 

InuYasha whimpered. “Why do bad things always happen to me?” he wondered.

 

.::00000000000000000000::.

 

“Lemon, lemon, lemon, lemon, lemon,” chanted an author in a singsong voice. “I'm gonna write a lemon, a lemon, a lemon. I'm gonna write a lemon, with Inu-chan and Ka-go-me!” The surrounding authors gathered around her, and begin giving her their input.

 

“How are you going to write it?”

 

“Is this your first one?”

 

“Make it really romantic!”

 

“Don't listen to her! Make it really explicit!

 

“What chapter is it in?” The one writing chose to answer this one.

 

“It's in chapter fifty!”

 

“Oh, wow, like, how much do you write in, like, a chapter?”

 

“About a hundred words or so.”

 

“Damn, that's good.”

 

No one noticed the Gummi Ship careening towards the void, until it made contact, crashing into the void with Earth-shattering, bone-jarring, horrific speed, smashing the void into millions of little pieces.

 

.::00000000000000000::.

 

“Uhhh, Sora, I think you hit something back there,” Goofy said, turning around in his seat to look back.

 

“Yeah, well tell that to the Heartless behind us,” Sora replied. Really, couldn't they have left Goofy in Hollow Bastion? He was so annoying, and he used up items like they were nothing. Sora was broke now thanks to him.

 

.::00000000000000000::.

 

“punkkag0999, do you hear me? punkkag0999, where are you?” the lead author sat back, pushing her bangs away from her eyes. “This doesn't look good. I think we've lost them.”

 

“What happened?!” SessKagfan008 asked worriedly, pigtails bouncing in alarm.

 

“Hey, what's that weird thingy coming at us?” another asked, pointing to the window. The remaining gaggle of authors crowed around it, jostling each other for a better look at the thingy.

 

“Mother of Fandom!” one yelled. I know what that is! It's used in Crossovers all the time! It's a Gummi Ship!” The others gasped; fear flooding them as they realized who it was that was flying the Gummi Ship.

 

“We're all doomed!” sAnGo'SmAn987582 Version 2.5 yelled.

 

“I told you we should have taken them captive!” another screamed, hitting the leader on the head. “Now look what's happened!”

 

.::00000000000000000::.

 

“Target in range,” Ueda said from the cockpit of the Gummi Ship. “Prepare to launch laser.”

 

“Who would have known we could buy one of these things for only a thousand munny!” Suwa exclaimed. “Quick, launch the laser! I want to see them scatter!”

 

(“Scatter! Scatter! Abandon ship!” the leader yelled, taking a mini-void. “Every author for themselves!”)

 

“Aiming. And firing!” Ueda opened fire on the void, explosions lighting the void-space in bursts.

 

(“We'll be back!” yelled the remaining authors from the mini-voids. “You'll see! You can't defeat us!”)

 

“We've done it!” Suwa yelled as the Gummi Ship attached to the port. “Now all that's left is to reverse the damage!” He and Ueda began to erase all the files the authors had saved on the computer, effectively eliminating the chains A.P.S. had on any of the characters.

 

.::00000000000000000::.

 

Sesshoumaru stiffened as the world went white again, his hold on Kagome slacking. She took the initiative, and before anything else could happen, she ran off, heading to what she hoped was the well.

 

“Never again,” she muttered as she ran. “Oh, no, never!”

 

“What am I doing?” Sesshoumaru asked to no one in particular. He blinked several times, tying to make sense out of his surroundings, and why he could smell that human girl all around him. “Hnn…”

 

.::00000000000000000::.

 

InuYasha had never been happier to see the white light again in his life. The unseen force that had carried him to the alleyway picked him up again, and in a few seconds, he was back in the skeleton, in his old clothes, with no Hellhole Kagome anywhere near him.

 

“You suck, you know.” When she received no comment, she opened her eyes, and found that InuYasha was nowhere to be found. “What the fuck?! You can disappear now!? Or were you just an apparition…I should stop doing those mushrooms…they really screw me over big time.”

 

.::00000000000000000::.

 

Yes kiddies, you shouldn't do mushrooms, or else you'll fry your brain, and you'll be a vegetable for the rest of your life.

 

Quick everyone! Give me R.E.V.I.E.W.S. power!