InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Inuyasha Theories ❯ Theory #8: Miroku ( Chapter 8 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Theory Eight: Miroku

Miroku is a virgin.

My reasoning:

Virgins are some of the most perverted people out there, especially if they don't want you to know that they are.

He's desperate.

Most girls just brush him off.

Most people don't think that constantly getting slapped is worth it.

Just think about it for a while.

The parody:

The group sat around a campfire, bored. They had decided to stop before going into a forbidding looking forest. Kagome offered to take out her card deck, but everyone was sort of tired of that.

“Hey, I know!” Kagome said. “How about we all tell each other one secret about ourselves that nobody else knows.”

They looked at each other. “Why not?” Sango said. She looked at Miroku. “What about you go first, monk?”

“Er, me?” He waved his hand dismissively. “Ladies first, I insist. Kagome? It was your idea.”

Kagome put a finger on her lower lip as she thought. “Once, when I was in Junior High, it was raining and I was on my way to school. I slipped and landed in a mud puddle. I had to go home to change, but I told everyone that I overslept.”

“Oh, that's stupid,” Shippo said. “One time, when I was younger, I tried to transform into my humanoid form, but I got stuck halfway.”
Sango frowned. “Is that why half of you is a fox?”

“Yep!”

“Hm,” she said as she thought about what to tell the others. She ruffled Kirara's ears. She smiled as she thought of something. “When I was younger, and Kirara had learned to transform, I went for a ride on Kirara.” She laughed. “I lost my balance and fell off. I landed in a lake and Kirara had to fish me out.” She looked at Inuyasha. “Inuyasha, what about you?”

“Feh,” he said from his perch on the tree.

Kagome rolled her eyes. “Inuyasha, just tell us something, or I'll say the s-word.”

He looked down at them, then looked back at the darkening sky. “Fine. A long time ago, when I was Shippo's age, I fell in a thorn bush. Happy?”

As they all pictured a younger Inuyasha falling into a thorn bush, Miroku was busy trying to think of an excuse to take off immediately. But he couldn't think of anything, and his only real secret was too huge for this.

“Miroku?” Sango said.

“Eh, me?” he asked. He tucked his hands into the opposite sleeves. “I have no secrets.”

Kagome leaned forward. “That just means you have a ton of secrets.”

“C'mon. Spill it,” Shippo urged.

Miroku looked from one to the other, then closed his eyes. “I don't know what you're talking about. I really don't have anything to hide.”

Nobody bought it. “Why don't you tell them how old you were the first time you impregnated a girl?” Inuyasha said.

Kagome almost “sat” him, but Sango distracted her. She looked on the verge of murder. “Yes. Why don't you tell us, monk?” she hissed dangerously.

Oh, dear… Miroku looked at her. Would it be more dangerous to refuse? If he did, she would assume the absolute worse. However, if he told the truth, he didn't know what he could possibly say or do afterwards. The only alternative was to lie. Of course, he could always stretch the truth. He laughed. “Oh, I've never had a child,” he said.

“Sure you haven't,” Shippo muttered.

“I really haven't,” he insisted.

Kagome frowned. “What?” But the don't have any method of birth control here… Of course, it was always possible that he didn't know about it. “Maybe you just don't know about it.”

“No, if there was a child wandering around with a kazaana, I'm sure I would know,” he said.

Sango looked angry. “So how old were you!” she growled.

Miroku's eyes widened. “Th-That's… Not important.”

This did nothing to help his situation. “How old?”

He wanted to shrink away. “Er, it's just that…”
“Well, out with it,” Inuyasha said.

Was there no escape? Miroku's eyes darted around. “Time for a bath!” he said and rose. Sango grabbed a hold of him.

“No, you don't.” She gave him a deadly look. “Tell me. Now.”

Sango looked positively frightening. There was no escape. If he lied now, she'd know. He swallowed hard. “I'm a virgin,” he confessed.

Kagome gaped. Inuyasha almost fell out of the tree. Shippo blinked, not quite understanding. But Sango was the most shocked. “I don't… believe you.”

Miroku shrugged. “Fine! It's the truth!” He took off, thoroughly embarrassed. Ah, well. At least they hadn't really believed him!