InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ It ❯ Rejection ( Chapter 2 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Whatever connection they had made that night was not a lasting one Instead of bringing them closer, it seemed they--she--had drifted farther away. It had been nearly six moons, and she had yet to come to him, seeking the favors he so freely offered.

He had attempted to court her . . . in his own way. Having forbid her to venture too far from their campsite unaccompanied, he'd taken to hunting for her. Wishing her to maintain her love of flowers, but fearing that she'd be plucked up instead, he'd taken to picking them for her. Knowing the night terrors she suffered and the multiple sources of these phantom visions, he'd taken to sitting up with her at night, hoping his presence, alone, was enough to lull her into a sense of safety and security, so she could acquire the necessary amount sleep and wake fully alert and aware, completely capable of continuing her travels with her youkai companions.

But . . . twas not to be. Everything he caught for her, she refused, saying she was not hungry. All the flowers he brought her, she let sit by the wayside, barely touching them and never taking them with her once they resumed their travels. And his nightwatch over her was a horrible failure. Yes, she would lay herself down. Yes, she would close her eyes. Yes, she would turn her back to him, implicitly trusting him not to do anything inappropriate while she slept . . . But sleep would never come.

Her breathing was as one awake. Her pulse remained strong and steady. Her posture was slack and her limbs lax, but if he were to move a mere inch in her direction, slightly inclining his head forward, her body would snap to attention, her pulse racing, her breathing becoming shallow and erratic.

Once he returned to his previous position, her agitation would fade, her form would relax and her breathing and heartrate would, again, return to normal.

She would not say so, and he would never dare admit it aloud, but the evidence was all too clear. She feared him.

He, who had never raised a hand to her. He, who had never sought to harm her. He, who had saved her, clothed her, protected her, now doubtlessly joined the multitude of other men who allowed Rin no rest with their incessant desires to use and abuse her, desecrating her young body, breaking her jubilant spirit, ruining her innocent mind, destroying any hope of having a happy life.

It sickened him.

What had he done to deserve this? To have her, yet not be able to hold her?

He had not hit her. He had not hurt her. He had not denied her food or family or friends.

He did not tie her. He did not restrain her. He did not force himself upon her and demand that she submit to his devious desires, further feeding the dark being that dwelled in his immortal shell.

He admired her. He respected her. He held her in higher regard than any creature that currently walked, crawled or glided upon the face of the earth.

She was wonder. She was joy. She was his sunshine amidst the squalor and strife, his beacon in the mist, that single guiding light that illuminated his dull and dingy existence . . . and, as of late, she shrank from him at every opportunity.

His heart was heavy, his thoughts murky and unclear.

First, his father--his lord, sire and master, the blood of his blood--had rebuked him. Next, Tessaiga--his father's phantom blade, the key to securing his complete inheritance of the Western Lands--had rejected him. Then Tenseiga--his own heirloom sword--had failed him. Finally, the girl--his girl, his Rin--had come to fear him.

But why?

Was he truly so awful? Was his character that terrible? Was he so utterly undeserving of an ounce of compassion, a moment of comfort, the scantest second of succor?
Must he always stand on his own? Was there no one he could depend on? Was he cursed to spend the entirety of his existence never knowing . . .

What was that word everyone seemed to toss around so freely?

He sighed inaudibly, clenched his jaw imperceptibly, his claws flexing involuntarily.

Love?

Would he ever know such a thing? Could he ever conceive such a possibility? Was one such as he worth the emotional investment?

Again, he sighed, casting a tentative glance at the girl sitting across from the fire before him.

She was oblivious, absorbed by her own little world, lost in her own thoughts, staring down at something unseen in the folded hands in her lap.

All signs seemed to point to "no."

"Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"Silence, Jaken." His voice was cold and hard, doubtlessly pricking the ears of any who heard it. He was starved for her attention, and if he could not gain it freely, he would steal it by any means necessary.

He would take in her form with his eyes. He would filter in her scent with his nose. He would listen for her breathing, her heartrate, her sighs; the batting of eyelashes, the swish of hair, the grinding of teeth; the shifting of fabric, the sliding of flesh, the crunch of leaves as she stretched out her legs and wiggled her toes: no sound she made went unnoticed by his highly sensitive, overly trained ears.

She gave no inclination to be touched by him, and he had but the barest remembrance of her taste, but, mercifully, when deprived of one sense (or two, as this case may be) the others became that much stronger, and he would not allow the toad's chatter to interfere with his daily meal.

He would not beg to be fed, but he would happily gorge himself on any scraps she saw fit to toss him.

But why? Why had he allowed himself to be placed in such a desperate position?

"Jaken-sama should leave."

His mind snapped into keen focus at the sound of her voice. His eyes then slid across the scenery, first finding her face then settling upon the toad and the dragon.

Jaken sputtered, jumping up in a huff.

He threw the imp a look that quickly quieted him and left no room for argument.

His minion shot the girl an irritated/exasperated glare, then he grabbed the dragon's reins and departed.

After their footsteps had faded and they were clearly the only two occupants of the clearing, the girl spoke. "Rin doesn't understand."

He said nothing, merely stared.

"Rin said you could do it. Rin said she wouldn't mind. Rin said she wouldn't fight . . . but Sesshoumaru-sama doesn't do it."

They had had this . . . discussion before. It was shortly after she had . . . come to him, and he had discovered her secret.

She had not come to him (as he had hoped) requesting his favor, desiring the pleasure he had previously offered her. Quite to the contrary, she had shied away from him, cloistering herself in a corner of their campsite, huddling herself at the base of an oak tree, knees bent, arms folded, head down.

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It was night, but it was not dark. The weather was warm, and the full moon lit up the sky, so there was no need for a fire, The girl had seemed . . . agitated/aggravated most of the day, and that evening she grew quiet and withdrawn. She spoke not a word, but her body . . . the flush about her face, the redness of her lips, the slight increase to the swell of her chest and roundness of hip. Her tousled hair, the fit of her robes, the curve of her neck . . . And then her scent . . . It was ten times more potent than the mere scent of arousal . . . This scent, this musk, this heady aroma of tea leaves, vanilla, and spice . . .

Fertility . . .

He was hard in an instant and by her side in a flash.

Yes! her body seemed to say. Touch me, tease me, lick me, suck me. Fill me to the hilt. Drill me to the core. Ride me to oblivion and truly make me yours.

He'd removed his armor, relieved himself of his sword and dismissed his retainer with a venomous glare and a flick his claws.

Rin remained still at first, seemingly oblivious to his presence at her side, but when he went to touch her . . .

The instant he touched her--his clawed hand on her kimono-covered thigh, applying slight pressure to get her to roll towards him, to face him, to embrace him--she flopped on her back, her eyes snapped shut and tears rolled down her cheeks.

He released her immediately and went to wretch in the forest. Of course, he successfully staved off the ill effects, but when he returned to camp, she was waiting for him.

"You can if you want to." Her voice was sure, but her eyes were vacant, far away, far from him. "Rin won't mind. Rin won't fight."

Again, he retreated to the recesses of the wood, attempting to fight down the bile that desperately wanted to rise up from the back of his throat.

What had they done to her? What could he do for her?

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"No," he finally said.

"No," Rin repeated. She sounded old, tired . . . worn. "Why not?" she asked. "You want to," she said. "You have a right to. I . . . belong to you. I . . . owe you. It isn't fair for me to say 'no.'"

Sesshoumaru snarled, swiping at the air in front of them, causing the fire between them to flare up. "Because," he barked out.

"Because why?" she asked quietly.

Did she truly not understand? Couldn't she clearly see how wrong this was?

"It is not enough." His voice was rough, raw. Were it a living entity, it would have bled.

"Not enough," she repeated. "This is all I am . . . All Rin has."

He closed his eyes attempting to calm himself, clear his head, focus his thoughts. "You misunderstand," he finally said in his coolest, most neutral tone.

"What's to understand?" she asked. "You want me, I said fine . . ."

"It is not enough that it is . . . fine. You should . . ." he trained every muscle in his throat, so that he would not choke on the words, "want me, as well."

"Want you . . ."

"Yes. You should . . . desire me. Long for my touch and my pleasure."

She seemed to consider his words. "If Sesshoumaru-sama wants me to want him . . ."

The inu taiyoukai growled. "That is not the way it works. You do not want someone because they want you to."

"Then why?"

"It is something inside you. Something . . . needful. Something . . . incomplete."

"Rin . . . I . . ."

He watched her fidget with her sleeves across the campfire.

"Yes, Rin?"

"Rin . . . used to feel that way, but then . . . then bad things started to happen." She lowered her head, her eyes lidded by her thick lashes. "Momma always said 'Be careful what you wish for ...'"

'I am certain you did not wish for those things to happen."

"I . . . I didn't wanna be alone, but . . . Rin didn't wanna do those things. They only came when they wanted it . . ."

He wanted to move closer to her, next to her, but . . . "Will this Sesshoumaru abandon you if you do not do as he would like?"

She sniffed back tears, shaking her head. "Rin doesn't know."

"Have you ever abandoned me?"

"No!" she shouted. "Never. Rin doesn't know what to do. Tell me what to do."

"No," replied softly. "It is time you made certain decisions on your own."

"But I don't know, Sesshoumaru-sama! Rin doesn't know what's right and what's wrong."

"Nonsense."

She looked up at him then.

"You set your mind on something, and then you do it."

Rin huffed.

"Why is that you came to me?"

Her attention again turned to the ground. "Because," she said, "you . . ."

"No," he cut her off. "Not that time. The first time."

"First time?" she repeated.

"In the forest. Under that tree."

A slight smile crossed her face at that point, a bashful blush coloring her cheeks. "Rin . . . Rin thought you were a girl."

He would have laughed . . . were he not so insulted.

"You were hurt and alone, and Rin thought . . . Rin thought men had done something bad to you. E--even though you made that funny face, Rin knew you did it be--because you were scared."

Scared was not a word he would have chosen to use. Concerned for his safety, yes. Scared, no.

"Even if you weren't human . . . I wanted to help. Th--the way I wished someone would've helped me."

The youkai lord frowned, recalling the words he'd spoken to her. "I did not know," he'd said.

"And if you had?" she asked. "Would you have done anything? That night?"

"No."

A tight knot formed in the center of his chest. He had not lied. Had the girl not been killed just before he had fully recovered and the toad had finally found him, he'd had no intention of ever seeing her again. What was she to him, afterall? Merely another human--dirty, despicable and ... smelly as the rest of them.

But . . . she cleaned herself up, she grew to be less despicable, and her smell . . . It came to be quite comforting to him even in the most troubling of times.

If he had her, he could go on. If not . . .

"And even though you didn't want my help, you didn't seem to mind when I came around. I . . . sometimes I was happy when the men came. I . . . I didn't like what they did, but at least they talked to me. Even if they said dirty and disgusting things . . . I liked it. Someone paying attention to me.

"I . . . I felt bad, knowing that . . . what they did was wrong . . . what I let them do was wrong . . . But I'd get so lonely sometimes. I . . ."

"I will never abandon you, Rin."

"I know, but . . . Why?"

"Why?" he repeated.

"Rin would walk through the village sometimes, and . . . I'd hear the other women talking. They knew what they were doing to me. The men. The women knew. And they . . ." Again, tears threatened to fall. She closed her eyes and drew in a deep, ragged breath. "They said Rin was a whore! A dirty, little whore just like her mother!"

Sesshoumaru frowned. "Why would they such a thing?"

"Before Rin's mother got married, before she met my father, she and some other girls got . . . taken."

"Taken?"

"They . . . did things to them, and when the village men finally found them . . . Well, the ones that came back home, their fathers made them kill themselves. Rin's grandfather didn't, and two other men. But . . . the villagers were really mean to them. The village boys followed them around and... One of the girls had to get married because one of the boys got them pregnant. Then another girl killed herself because . . . life after was just too hard. And then Momma thought about it, and Rin's grandfather said it would be okay if she did, but Rin's grandmother said 'no.'

"And then Momma met Poppa and my brothers and me came along. And . . ." Tears. Bright, shining and overflowing. "She was a good person, Sesshoumaru-sama. Rin's mother wasn't--wasn't what they said."

Never had he wanted to be so near her as he did at that moment, but . . . "I do not doubt it," he said instead.

"And Rin tries to be a good person. Rin tries to help, tries to be useful."

"You are quite helpful, my Rin."

"I . . . I just don't know what to do. I need you tell me."

"No," he replied again, "You know your own mind. You know what it is you truly wish."

"No, I don't!"

The Western lord huffed lightly. "I recall a time when this Sesshoumaru left to battle Magetsuhi, and a certain someone quite loudly announced her intentions."

"I wanted to go with you." The tears had stopped. Her cheeks were dry. She was looking at him, her brown eyes focused squarely on his face.

"Why?"

"I wanted to make sure you came back."

Sesshoumaru snorted lightly. "As if one such as him could hope to defeat this Sesshoumaru."

"I know," she smiled, "but . . . sometimes people go away and don't come back."

There were no words he hadn't already spoken.

"It hurt . . . to have them not come back. I didn't like it," she insisted, "but I liked the company. I did everything they told me, and some didn't come back. I know they knew it was wrong and probably stopped coming because they started to feel bad . . . about what they did . . . to me, but..."

Again, he found himself at a loss for words.

"Rin . . . wants someone to love her. Really love her," she said. "Not just that. I . . . I want what my mother had . . . with my father. I want . . . I want to want to be touched."

The clearing fell quiet. A light mist rolled in from the surrounding woods, a slight chill filling night air.

"And I want Sesshoumaru-sama to stop looking so sad all time." She smiled at him, and quite reluctantly, he found himself smiling back.

Oh, how he wanted her!

Just once, he silently prayed. Let her submit to him just this once. Let her want him just this once. Let him hold her just this once. Let him fill her, delight her, enthrall her just this once.

One opportunity was all he needed. He was quite skilled in every arena, more than capable of completing the deed. He only needed a willing . . . wanton . . . wet female . . .

Rin swallowed hard, then cleared her throat. She straightened her spine, rolling her shoulders back, meeting him eye-to-eye. "If . . ." she swallowed again, but did not break eye contact. Her chest was heaving; her pulse was racing. "If Sesshoumaru-sama doesn't mind, would . . . would he . . . would you . . . Will you . . ."

"Will I 'what?'" he asked gently.

"Do you . . . Will you h--hold me . . . for awhile?"

Her words were unsteady, but their meaning was clear.

He felt the knot in his chest release, a sudden rush of warmth filling his entire immortal being. "Shall I come to you?" he asked. He would not move one inch till she gave her okay.

"Please."

Slowly, he reminded himself. If you move too quickly, you'll startle her. If you startle her, she'll recoil. If she recoils . . .

He shook the thought from his head. If she rejected him again . . . he could not bear it.

Gracefully, purposefully, he eased his way to his feet, then took two measured steps across the campsite to sit by her side. She shifted slightly but did not move away. He reached out with his left hand and cautiously, carefully caressed her right cheek.

He did not realize he'd been holding his breath till he heard himself sigh when she tilted her head, resting her soft, sweet flesh in the lightly calloused palm of his hand.

"Please," she said, "do more."

He felt a pure shiver of sensation shoot down his spine. "More?" he asked.

"Don't make me say it." Her eyes drifted closed, her posture going lax.

He ran the pad of his left thumb over her lower lip. "I do not wish to do anything you may think inappropriate."

"It's appropriate," she sighed.

"If you do not object . . ."

"I do not object."

"If it is your wish . . ."

"It is my wish."

"If that is your desire . . ."

"Sesshoumaru-sama!"

He much enjoyed the ire clearly etched across her face. "Yes?"

"Kiss me."

He smiled at the insistent demand, then watched as her cheeks went from rosy to apple red. She attempted to turn away from him, but held her head firmly, but gently in place. "Do not look away."

He heard her gasp as his mouth descended upon hers and his tongue was again allowed to taste the sweetness that was his Rin.