InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Kagome's Psyche Project ❯ Kagome's Psyche Project ( Chapter 1 )

 

Kagome's Psych Project

 

 

On her desk in her room, Kagome laid out her pad and opened her psychology book. Somehow, he she ended up choosing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as her project for her psychology class paper. Leaning her head in her hand, she flipped through the pages until she found what she was looking for.

 

Post traumatic stress disorder[1][2] (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to one or more terrifying events that threatened or caused grave physical harm.[3] It is a severe and ongoing emotional reaction to an extreme psychological trauma.[4] This stressor may involve someone's actual death, a threat to the patient's or someone else's life, serious physical injury, or threat to physical or psychological integrity, overwhelming usual psychological defenses coping. In some cases it can also be from profound psychological and emotional trauma, apart from any actual physical harm. Often, however, the two are combined.

 

The definition haunted her, and she scratched her head. Kagome knew there had to be a reason she had been drawn to this disorder. Words, bits of memories of past conversations came to her mind.

 

`My mother died a long time ago…'

 

`I grew up in the forest, alone, fighting for my life…'

 

A shudder went through Kagome, and sadness pulled at her heart. In her minds eye, she saw him, alone and afraid, orphaned at a young age. How awful it must have been for her poor hanyou. Tears threatened, and a tremor came to her lips. If only…

 

“Oh, InuYasha,” Kagome said in a broken hearted whisper.

 

“What is it Kagome?”

 

With a start, Kagome looked over to see that InuYasha had entered her room through her bedroom door. He stood there, looking at her curiously with his great, golden eyes. So achingly handsome, her hanyou - yes, this was the definition of his pain.

 

“I'm…just writing a psychology paper,” Kagome said, and tried to smile.

 

“Keh,” InuYasha scoffed and stalked over to sit on her bed. “So why did you say my name? What is this psy-chol-ogy?”

 

A realization came over Kagome, and she closed the book before turning to regard him. The book was not necessary anymore, in order to understand PTSD all she had to do was talk to InuYasha…if he would open up to her. It was risky at best - she knew he was not good with words and feelings. And yet, she felt compelled to try. After all they had been through together, their relationship had become so close, so filled with mutual trust. Maybe she could make him understand…

“Do you want to help me with my paper InuYasha?” Kagome said softly.

 

InuYasha snorted and smirked at her ruefully, as he crossed his legs beneath him and adjusted Tessaiga in his obi. Him, help her with school work? What the hell did he know about psy-chol-whatever -it- was…

 

“Just how do you expect me to do that?” InuYasha replied. “Does this psychology have something to do with fighting youkai?”

 

Lacing her fingers together and resting them on the back of the chair, Kagome looked uncertain a moment. Then she smiled at him again, and he quirked a dark, high arched eyebrow at her questioningly.

 

“If you can answer some questions, it would help a lot,” Kagome said. “But please, don't be quick to take offense, and the answers must be truthful. Just tell me if they are too hard for you to answer, and we will stop…”

 

“Why you making such a big deal about some stupid questions?” InuYasha asked. “You know I'm not a good talker, but that can't be so hard.”

 

`It might be harder than you think…' Kagome thought, biting her lip, but she persevered.

 

“Can you tell me about your mother's death?” Kagome said, her voice serious and low. “How did you feel, and how does thinking about it make you feel now?”

 

InuYasha's jaw dropped open, and he stared at her, incredulous that she had asked him such a thing. But she was looking at him so seriously, her eyes warm and sympathetic. She obviously was really looking for an answer.

 

With a growl of annoyance, InuYasha crossed his arms. Of all the damn things, how did he let himself get trapped into talking about that? But he would be contradicting himself if he backed out now. Still, it made him really uncomfortable…

 

“Will my answer really help you with your school work?” InuYasha said skeptically, hoping to find a way out of it.

 

“Yes, it will,” Kagome answered. “Can you talk about it InuYasha?”

 

There was a place inside InuYasha he did not like to go. A place he had locked away all the pain of losing his mother, the feelings and memories. Now, Kagome was asking him to go there. After so long, he was worried at what he would find if he opened up that place and let her in. And yet, of all the people he had ever known, Kagome would be the only one he could imagine sharing that with….

 

Heaving a sigh of resignation, InuYasha ran a clawed hand through his bangs, looking at the floor.

“I was eight years old, when my mother contracted the wasting illness,” InuYasha said quietly. “I was told she would not live, there was nothing anyone could do for her.”

 

“Oh…I am so sorry InuYasha,” Kagome whispered, transfixed by his words.

 

The hanyou waived a hand dismissively at her and continued. “I was so angry at first,” he continued. “I thought no one was helping her on purpose…I thought it was because of me. But she told me it was not my fault…I was so scared, I felt so helpless, watching her die…”

 

“And then what happened…after she died,” Kagome whispered.

 

“None of my mother's family wanted me around,” InuYasha said, his voice low and devoid of all inflection and emotion. “So I fled, into the forest…and I was persecuted there as well, by the full youkai, for being a hanyou.”

 

InuYasha was wrapped in memory, and not looking at Kagome. He did not see her tender eyes cloud up with tears as she listened and looked at him. He was fighting an internal battle against the pain of the young, frightened, lonely, boy who still lived inside him, where he had been banished so that InuYasha could survive. No, he would not give in to him!

 

“But I proved them all wrong by surviving!” InuYasha spat. “I'm not a worthless hanyou, I am strong, stronger than all of them could ever believe!”

 

Jumping up, InuYasha began to pace the room. From her chair, Kagome watched him in trepidation, her heart aching. It was time for her to say something….

 

“What you suffer from, as a consequence of these terrible things, is something called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,” Kagome said, trying to make her voice light and matter-of-fact and not betray the ache inside her that was response to his pain.

 

“What the hell is that?” InuYasha said, spinning around to look at her. “They got some fancy name in your time for what I went through?”

 

“Many people suffer this, as a response to the trauma of losing a loved one,” Kagome replied. “Even I suffered as well, after the death of my father. My Mom sent me to a therapist for a while, to help me cope.”

 

“Feh, I don't need a therapist to help me - I'm strong, I don't need anybody!”

 

Getting up, Kagome went and stood in front of InuYasha, and he let her come close and place her hands on his chest. Her eyes were warm, loving and sympathetic as she looked up in his face, and it made him flush and look away.

 

“Not even me InuYasha?” Kagome said softly. “Won't you let me help you, I really want to try.”

 

When InuYasha looked back at her, he was upset to see a tear fall from her eye and roll gently down her cheek. What the hell -! She was crying for him?! It was all too much….

 

“Don't cry for me Kagome,” InuYasha said, and took her in an embrace, holding her tight. “You have already helped me, more than you can ever know.”

 

As Kagome held him, so grateful for his arms around her, she felt a tremor go through InuYasha. Then she felt drops of water fall on her cheek…InuYasha was crying. She hoped that maybe she had opened the doors to help him, and she longed to be the one he needed. She loved him, and would be there for him, always….