(edit note at bottom)

Okay. To put it frankly, I'm kind of unsatisfied with my writing. My friends say it's pretty good, but every time I go over my works, I can always find something wrong with it. I guess you could say it irks me. *sigh* I grabbed an idea for a one shot from one of my random musings… I was listening to this song, "Hello" by Evanessence when the idea hit me like a flying brick from a construction site. ^_~ Hehe… Anyway, God knows I'm drawn to angst, so naturally, it's an angsty one-shot. I'll write a happy fic one of these days… ^_^;

I know, I know… blah blah blah… My point in posting this is not to ramble about my crappy view on my writing skills, but to ask you kindly to read my fic and tell me what you think. There's probably a point in the story where you stop and back up, thinking, 'what the…?', but that's mainly because I wrote half of it before finals, and half of it after finals… *si~i~igh* Enough said. Before I go into a masquerade of blabbing (again), my fanfiction.

Don't be confused by the beginning, it's more of a recall of a small "plot" I attempted to form for the sake of making my one-shot a bit more entertaining. *bashes head against wall* I found it much harder to incorporate a plot than I had originally thought… which kind of sucks… It's basically to fill you in on why, well, you'll just have to see for yourself. ^_~

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Kanashiku Naru

An Inuyasha/Kagome One-shot

By: Kaji-chan

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It all happened in a rush. Nothing could have prevented it. Not even the powerful priestess herself could have stopped the proceedings once they began. The warui miko angrily hissed hushed, dark words as she clutched a purifying arrow protruding from her heaving chest, her hardened eyes set on Kikyou.

All it took was mere seconds. Her blood-curdling scream of horror pierced through the darkened depths of the forest as her soul was forcefully pulled from her form, tearing through her sham body of bones and grave soil. Kagome, who had accidentally stumbled in upon the scene only moments before, could only watch in horror as glowing spheres of light were torn from Kikyou. Kagome looked on with unsuppressed fear and terror as her previous incarnation was stripped of her spirit, screaming in terror. Kikyou's form shuddered from the sudden absence of her soul, and with one last forlorn look towards Kagome, her lifeless body fell to the ground in a crumpled heap.

The dark miko's eyes rolled back, and she collapsed, dead, to the floor, no longer able to fight off the pain of the arrow purifying her corruption. Kagome, too shocked to move, stayed rooted to the spot, unable to think… unable to speak. The glowing sphere of chi descended upon Kagome and she lurched forward, eyes snapped open in alarm as her body hungrily absorbing the absent pieces of her soul.

Then it was over.

Hours passed, a fleeting image leaving behind no reference of its wake. Kagome slowly opened her eyes to find herself lying on the ground, feeling strangely fulfilled, but empty. She sat up, pressing her palm to her eyes and rubbing them, hoping to clarify her vision a bit and clear her mind. Blinking, she turned to look at the lifeless body of Kikyou lying next to her, tears beginning to prick at the back of her eyes in a selfish guilt. She should have saved her. Now there was no way to help her, to give her back her soul.

It was now stuck in her body forever… and there was no way to give it back.

Kagome's hand lifted to touch the spot in her chest where a faint pulsation still lingered, feeling warm energy swirling beneath her palm and spreading throughout her body. Holding back choked, broken sobs that tried to surface from the back of her throat, her eyes remained unfocused as they stared blankly forward, her lips barely moving as she whispered a faint, rasped phrase. "No…" Kikyou's soul had returned to her body; unappeased.

Kagome looked up in surprise at the sound of Inuyasha's strangled cry, forcing herself up to look at him with a pained expression. She watched him, horror-stricken; as his eyes flew from the two inert bodies to her own collapsed form. Kagome bit her lip. She knew what he was thinking. “I-Inuyasha, I'm so sorry," she whispered as a shaky hand reached up to lightly touch her dirt-smudged cheek and whimpered. "I couldn't save her…"

Inuyasha's golden orbs shined with regret as they fell on Kikyou's lifeless form. He made his way over to her still body, kneeling and reaching a hand out to touch her pale face, his warm fingers brushing over her cold skin. He immediately retracting it with a wounded look in his eyes, standing and bowing his head in a somber silence.

Kagome watched with a forlorn look present in her grey orbs, a hand unconsciously lifting to rest over her heart as she felt a twinge of pain in her chest. "I'm so sorry…" she whispered again, feeling her voice drop in shame.

"It's not your fault." came his hoarse, strained reply. “At least she's… at peace, now…"

The two were silent as the sun dipped beneath the trees, it's crimson glow illuminating the still body lying, what would appear to be peacefully, on the forest floor. Neither said a word.

Playground school bell rings… again.

That's how it had been between them since that day… silent. They were both becoming more detached from the group each passing day, wrapping themselves in solitude as they contemplated that one night… the night Kikyou died. They would sit at far ends of the fire, sleep away from the rest of their group, and hardly socialized with each other anymore, let alone their companions.

Inuyasha couldn't bear to look at Kagome. It wasn't due to the imprudent inclination that he no longer cared for her, for he did, very deeply, but because he couldn't bear to look into her eyes and see another woman; to put her through that pain again. He knew, that when he looked at her face, that through her individuality and inner beauty, that he would still find some of Kikyou. He couldn't go through that kind of compunction.

Kagome continued to look away; afraid to look the hanyou in the eyes for fear of the disappointment they surely held in her. Regret, sorrow, and mourning began to slowly seep into the once sparkling gold, swirling a dark color of remorse until they slowly but surely bled to dark amber orbs. The despairing look on his face caused her to turn her gaze to the ground in a somber retreat from his searching eyes.

It's been a year since Kikyou died… since Kagome took back Kikyou's soul.

Separated… isolated… what ever you would wish to call it… they had parted, with no intention of coming together again.

Rain clouds come to play… again.

Battle after battle… they would defeat the youkai, collect the shards, and once more be off on their way again. Neither said anything outside of battles, never questioning the other, besides the occasional inquisition of their health, but that was as far as it went. It surprised the young youkai taijiya and the humble Buddhist monk that they could go for almost weeks without speaking, puzzled by how the death of one woman could change their relationship forever. How it could destroy their relationship forever.

The battle with Naraku, looking victorious, had eventually ended up in a terrible defeat, one which left Sango with two broken bones, Miroku unconscious, Inuyasha bleeding profusely from his stomach, and Kagome with a gash across her side. Once more, the aku hanyou had escaped, this time with most of their Shikon shards. It was uncanny how strong he had become, feeding from the death of Kikyou, his new shards, and his new, heartless body.

They were all lying, mangled, on the ground in ruins. Sango moaning in pain as she drifted in and out of consciousness, Kagome bracing herself on the trunk of a tree as blood dribbled down her side, and Inuyasha slowly getting to his feet in between grunts of pain. He clutched his stomach, already feeling his youkai powers slowly healing the wound, but not fast enough to prevent the crimson that ran down his fire-rat kimono, staining it an even darker shade of red.

He turned to look at the miko behind him, a deep twinge of concern twisting in his chest at the blood discoloring her new high school uniform. Even though his mind was screaming at him not to approach her, continually reminding him of what happened last time, he couldn't ignore his deep-felt concern for her well being. Pushing away the pain which pinched at the back of his subconscious, he staggered towards a beaten and bruised Kagome, who was squeezing her eyes shut as she attempted to pull a splintered piece of debris out of her side.

Kagome's mind was swirling, blinded by the force of her pain as she stared down numbly at the wood protruding from her abdomen. Her hands were weakly clasped around the shaft, feebly trying to remove it and failing horribly, when two stronger hands wrapped around hers. She took a sharp intake of breath as the wood was swiftly jerked out of her body, blood beginning to ooze thickly from the new wound. Her pain-filled eyes slowly made their way up to lock onto his, her eyes fixated on his distressed expression.

Has no one told you…

Their gaze remained unwavering, both staring deep into the other's eyes, one a gray fusion of hurt and unease, the other, gold, filled with torment and concern. Kagome pulled away from him, closing her eyes and turning her head from him, afraid of they way he looked at her. He was no longer looking though her, but into her. In the deep recesses of her mind, she felt a smothered disposition towards him, towards his gaze; his deceitful gaze.

Inuyasha hesitated with repressed uncertainty, holding back his obvious pain as he reached out a hand to her and whispered quietly, "Ka… Kagome?" His lips stumbled over her seldom-used name, realizing just how long it had been since he had last spoken to her.

For a brief moment, Kagome was suddenly overcome by a powerful, potent sense of hatred concerning the hand that reached out towards her, and she growled, slapping it away. "No!" she hissed in a low tone, her features drawn into a deep scowl of revulsion.

…she's not breathing?

Inuyasha, shocked, withdrew his hand; Kagome gasping in astonishment and throwing a shaking hand over her mouth. Her breath hitched in her throat at the hurt swirling in his golden orbs caught her eyes, tearing her gaze from his and bowing her head in shame. "Inuyasha… I'm so sorry…" she whispered. "I don't know… what came over me…"

It was always the same. Kagome never knew what came over her. Inuyasha just nodded and turned away, not replying to her hushed apology. He knew that every time he attempted to reach out to her, that she would immediately retract, without even pausing to think. Every time he touched Kagome, she responded the same way. It was like she was burned by his touch; always edging away with a betrayed glint in her gray eyes.

Kagome felt tears welling up in her eyes, but forced them down, whispering in a quiet and shamed tone, "I'll… go back for a while, Inuyasha…" That's how they had always ended these confrontations. She would go through the well for a few days and come back on her own, giving Inuyasha and herself some time to recover enough to continue their search. Not bothering to wait for the answer he never gave, she turned and slowly walked away, her pace slow and dragging as she made her way through the thick forest.

Hello.

'What… just happened…?' her mind reflected as she stumbled through the heavy brush, a tear glistening on her cheek as the moonlight slipped through the trees and swept against her pale skin. She had felt such a strong hatred towards him… towards his touch.

Towards his betraying touch.

I'm your mind…

Kagome suddenly stopped walking, throwing her hand to her face as she covered her despairing expression. 'How terrible of me!' she cried to herself, shaking her head in dismay. This is how it always happened. She always felt a deep, hidden hatred for Inuyasha since Kikyou's death, which was only now beginning to surface.

What was happening to her? Since when had she turned into such a horrible girl? Inuyasha wasn't guilty of anything. Her mind clouded with thoughts of blood spilling onto green grass… and pain… terrible pain… the pain of betrayal.

…giving you someone to talk to.

Kagome gasped at her own thoughts… the feelings she had experienced. They had appeared from the dark, hidden corners of her mind, where she never dared wander otherwise. Then, she came to a sudden, redundant realization. They weren't her feelings, anymore.

They were Kikyou's.

A deep reminiscent feeling began to nag her… What if… they always had been Kikyou's thoughts? What if they had never been hers?

Hello.

Her footsteps slowly began to quicken as her pace hasted into a fast, brisk walk, pushing brush and low hanging branches out of her path. Her shoes padded over the soft dirt trail; gasping and choking on the air that she rashly inhaled. 'No… I'm not Kikyou… I'm Kagome!' she continued to chant mentally to herself, gradually speeding up her steps. 'I… I can't be Kikyou!'

If I smile and don't believe…

Kagome broke out into a run, speeding through the dense woods as she continued to chant to herself in dismay. She was her own person, no one else! Her heart was hers, not Kikyou's. Her mind was hers, not Kikyou's. Her soul was hers, not Kikyou's.

Uncertainty and doubt slowly began to creep up on her thoughts, wrapping around her mind in a painful constriction. She was wrong. It wasn't her soul, anymore. It was Kikyou's.

…soon, I know, I'll wake…

A protruding tree root caught her foot, and she tripped forwards, skidding to a halt on the ground as rocks and dirt scraped and bruised her legs and arms. A shock wave of fresh new pain shot up through her arms, and she shrieked as the red flesh hissed at its exposure to the dry air. A fresh accumulation of scrapes had formed on her body, and the shallow wounds began to sear with pain. Kagome squeezed her eyes shut, drawing her hand towards her body as her nails dug substantial abrasions into the dirt. Whimpering piteously, she curled up into herself, wrapping her arms around her frail, weakened body, and tucking her head away from the world.

Why did it have to be this way? Why did she have to be put into this situation?

Kagome let another quiet sob escape her lips, shaking as tears slowly began to well up into her tightly shuteyes. Inuyasha… she loved him so much. Was it because of Kikyou that she was suddenly feeling a long-lost, almost hidden, hatred for the man she had loved for as long as she could remember? Kikyou loved Inuyasha, so why was it that every time she came close to him, she would subconsciously lash out, without any incentive for her actions? Why didn't she know? Why? Why?

… from this dream.

Too absorbed in wallowing in self pity and curling up into herself, Kagome didn't notice the solemn figure who silently made his way over to her shaking figure. Upon his gaze falling onto her form, his dark amber eyes softened with a saddened concern. The hanyou walked towards her, kneeling by her trembling body and resting a consoling hand on her shoulder. "Kagome…"

Kagome's breath hitched in her throat as a foreign hand fell onto her shoulder, barely registering the tender voice calling out her name. She only squeezed her eyes shut tighter and turned away from the figure. Why couldn't he just leave her alone? Couldn't she just be allowed a few, unfrequented moments where she could cry to herself, without anyone fussing over her depressed state?

Inuyasha sighed sadly, placing both hands gently on her shoulders once more and turning her towards him, gently pulling her out of her coil to face him properly. Her face gradually came into view, revealing the fresh trail of tears that traveled down her distraught expression and over her paled cheeks.

Don't try to fix me.

A tight, constricting feeling became apparent in his chest at the sight of her tear-streaked face, knowing that the motive of her distress had something to do with him. "Kagome," he whispered, the tone of his voice soft and comforting. "Why… are you crying?"

Kagome slowly opened her eyes, finding herself locked in his deep amber gaze. How could she tell him why she was crying? She couldn't tell him that she was afraid of the feelings his eyes betrayed every time they innocuously wandered into hers. She couldn't tell him that she wanted Kikyou's soul to leave her, to selfishly want it's small flicker to die out inside of her. She couldn't tell him that she wasn't the same person anymore. That she wasn't that sweet, caring, loving Kagome that he had come to care for anymore.

That Kagome had died, and she knew that Kagome would never be able to come back. How could she tell him that? Kagome turned her head to the side, her eyes tearing away from his to look down to the ground next to her. Finding her voice, she whispered quietly, "Nothing… nothing is wrong."

I'm not broken.

Inuyasha saw it in her eyes. He knew she was lying. What was she trying to hide from him? Didn't she know that he cared about her, and that the only way he could help her would be if she told him what was wrong? Inuyasha's hand reached out to her again, gently, and turned her face to his softened eyes. "Kagome…" he whispered again, pushing down the tightening feeling in his chest, "…Kagome… please tell me what's wrong."

He watched her expression as it melted into that of hurt and regret, withdrawing his hand when she turned from him once more. "I already told you, Inuyasha… I'm-"

"Kagome!" he said sharply, his calm tone slipping in frustration. She winced under his intense gaze, her eyes instinctively snapping shut at his angered tone and turning her head farther to the side. Inuyasha caught himself, his brows furrowing as he realized his mistake, hesitantly clasping her hand in a comforting motion. "I'm sorry," he said in a quieter, upset voice, his eyes turned in disgrace.

Hello.

The two were silent for a while, neither saying a word as an uncomfortable silence blanketed them in her constricting veil of quiet solitude. Kagome's eyes remained unmoving, fixated on the spot on the ground where they had rested previously, too perplexed to find the courage to look back into his eyes. Should she tell him? Tell him why she couldn't look at him anymore? Tell him that the Kagome he used to know… was now gone… buried under the overshadowing figure of Kikyou's precedent thoughts and remnants?

"I…" she whispered, uncertainty in her voice, "I…" She couldn't… she wouldn't… no… she can't say it… "I…" With a sudden burst of tears and frustration, she whipped her head around to look into his calm gaze, crying out, "I'm not the same anymore!" Tears began to trail down her cheeks as her body began to tremble in melancholy, Inuyasha watching with a drawn-back expression. Her brows drew down as her eyes shimmered with moisture, feeling her voice tremble as she spoke in a strained tone. "My soul… it isn't even mine anymore, Inuyasha. It's hers, now." Kagome averted her tear-soaked face from him, watching the darkened forest to her side with glazed orbs, staring blankly to the side as her mouth slowly moved to produce a soft, quiet continuation of her previous sentence. “Kagome…" she whispered hoarsely, "…I… am lost…"

I'm the lie, living for you so you can hide.

Inuyasha watched her silently, a throbbing ache slowly becoming apparent in his chest, and he looked down sadly, lifting a hand to grip the cloth of his haori in his clawed fingers. How could she feel that way? He looked back up at her with a saddened gaze. "Kagome…" he whispered, her beautiful, sanctified name escaped his parched lips, "…you know that's not true." Kagome flinched, turning her head farther from his as he spoke to her, but he continued. "I've always told you," he said, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as familiar words breached in his thoughts, "that you are your own person. You're not Kikyou, you're Kagome. No one else. Kagome is Kagome."

The tender, gentle nudge of his hand turned her wary eyes back to his, watching his expression with inquiry. A smile almost made its was through her tears to her trembling lips as she gazed back into his amber warmth. How could she not? "Inuyasha…" she whispered, not breaking her line of vision with his, even as it began to blur from the collection of more tears in her smoky orbs, "… how can you say that?" Inuyasha's face melted into perplexity, and she began to cry again, shoulders shaking from her sobs as she buried her face in her hands. "It's not true!" Inuyasha's expression faltered, and he hesitated to reach out to her, the need to comfort her tugging at his subconscious. "All this time it's just been pulling at me… ripping at me… it's tearing me apart, it always has been. I'm nothing but her reflection! Just a mirror image of her-"

Don't cry.

Strong hands clasped around her wrists and pulled them from her somber face, sliding down her shoulder and pulling her forward. In one fluid movement, his lips captured hers in a soft, tender connection; an intimate touch so pure and so refined to grace her senses that Kagome felt herself go taut in surprise at the slightest of actions. At first, she wasn't sure as to accept it or not, to give into her desires and relieve her heart of all the frustrations she had felt over the past few months, or whether to draw back and deny it, say it was all wrong. Inuyasha, feeling Kagome's supposed hesitation, began to pull away, but she only leaned into him, allowing her lips to mold against his, permitting her eyelids to slowly flutter shut as she succumbed to her yearning heart's longing.

Kagome felt his hand move to fist at the nape of her neck, pulling her lips closer to crush against his, just as she grasped the front of his robes and tilted her head to deepen their kiss. This was something she had wanted… for so long… [i]so long.[/i] To feel him, so warm against her, was pushing archaic, buried emotions she had long-since hidden back to the surface. All of the distrust and apprehension that had previously inhabited the depths of her subconscious began to slowly melt away to leave behind a soft, slow-beating ardor for the man she was so avidly pressed up against. She could feel her tensed muscles slowly relax, and the tears that previously stung the back of her eyes had began to dry… all because of his simple, desperate, passionate kiss.

Suddenly, I know I'm not sleeping.

But then, even with his lips enclosed softly, sweetly over hers, the doubt gradually began to creep up on her, like a mid-summer storm; slowly but surely descending upon an unsuspecting child playing in a field of flowers. Was it really Kagome that he was kissing? Was is really the same girl wrapped in his embrace, receiving his love? Was it truly she, or another in her image?

As if it her mouth had never touched his, they parted breathlessly, the only reminder being a lingering tingle on their lips. Kagome, though knowing they were divided from each other once more, refused to open lift her lashes to look into the sea of regretful amber she knew awaited her gaze. Gentle, clawed hands reached up from her shoulder to wipe away the tears that she wasn't even aware were falling. "Kagome…" came his soothing voice, "…look at me…"

Hello.

It took all her willpower to open her eyes and focus her cloudy gray orbs back to his, feeling more pricks behind her wavering gaze. “Inu…Inuyasha…" she breathed, "I…" More tears began to fall from their seemingly never-ending supply of her sadness, and Kagome reached her hands up to tightly clasp his wrists. "I'm so scared…I'm no longer myself…" Her voice quieted to where it was but a breeze of air past her lips, softer than the rustle of the wind against the dries leaves littering the forest path. "…Can you… accept that?"

Inuyasha's expression softened with concern, and he cupped her face with his hands, gazing lightly into her timid eyes. "Kagome," he said, his tone unwavering, "I will always accept you, just as you have always accepted me. You are Kagome, no one else." His hands drifted down from her face to wrap around her torso, pulling her into a tight, warm embrace as he whispered, leaning down to her ear, "You are my Kagome." Sighing softly, his lips brushed over her ear as he murmured, "Don't cry."

I'm still here…

Kagome buried her face into his chest, her hands fisting in his haori as a fresh wave of salty disclosure made its way down flushed cheeks. Enclosed in his benevolent embrace, all that she could think of was how his calming scent draped around her and drugged her senses into a lull of content slumber. Even if her momentary bliss was all her dying heart could hold onto, she knew that his words and his kiss would forever burn into her memory. Kagome burrowed deeper into his chest as Inuyasha's arms tightened around her figure, resting his head lightly atop hers. A long-forgotten smile reached Kagome's lips, and they quirked upward into a saddened, thankful smile, her barely audible voice catching on the passing gentle wind and disappearing into the depths of the night. "I am your Kagome, Inuyasha," she whispered, "Yours."

…all that's left of yesterday…

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Okies… there you go. My own crappy attempt at a songfic… v.v; This is my raw version, (of course I checked it, though… didn't think I'd give this to you un-checked, now, did you?) meaning that I haven't giving it to anyone else to check over yet, because I figured you guys would be much better at nit-picking than any of my friends. ^_~ I'm leaving it up to you, minna! ^_^ Don't feel bad if you hate my story-come out and say it, 'cause I'm really interested in what you have to say about my ideas and stuff. I know I kind of rushed the "plot"… if there was one, anyway… ^_^; …but I needed to “toss" Inuyasha and Kagome into a situation where they were forced to talk to each other in the way I wanted. *sigh* I know, I know… shoot me for it. I suppose I figured, "Hey, why don't I go ahead and 'toss' in a kiss?" (hehe), so I created a situation that would build up to my desired event. Just tell me what you think. I really want to improve my writing, and the best way is to fix to itty-bitty details, so pull it apart for me, minna-san! *pops open a can of soda and sits patiently for reviews*

EDIT: I have made a few slight changes (nothing big), but it is another half a page. Just spelling errors, added sentences, change in a bit of the dialogue; that stuff. And yes, I changed a bit of dialogue at the end, if you were one of those who noticed. ^_^ Anyways, off to read everything I've missed since my internet's been down… *kicks evil dial-up* I can't wait to get broadband. v.v Give me your thoughts! *wanders off*