InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Kikyo's lonely journey ❯ Fragments of memory ( Chapter 12 )

Disclaimer: Most of the characters in this story are the actual work of Rumiko Takahashi. I do not own them in any way.

 

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Chapter 11: Fragments of memory

 

Kikyo watched sadly as Susune began to twist and turn under the power of yet another nightmare. With a weary sigh, she carefully gathered the sleeping child in her lap and began rocking her back and forth while humming an indistinct but soothing tune. After a few minutes of this treatment, the girl finally relaxed as the dream went away thus allowing the miko to replace her comfortably on her futon.

 

"You can go get some rest now Kikyo. I'll watch over her," whispered Sango, appearing beside her.

 

"I'll be fine Sango. I do not need as much sleep as you do," replied the woman equally softly.

 

"... Liar," shot back the demon slayer wryly causing Kikyo to chuckle slightly.

 

"You're right I suppose," she admitted. "I might need some rest but I just can't... abandon Susune now when she... needs me so much."

 

"You care a lot about her, do you?" asked the demon slayer.

 

"... Yes," answered the miko after a long pause. "At first, it was pain that drew us together. But, as we began traveling together in search of a new family, our bond began to deepen... even if I was too afraid to admit it then."

 

"But, being the stubborn little girl that she is, she managed to break down all of your defenses, did she not?" inquired Sango, though her tone indicated that she knew full well the answer to that question.

 

"True," replied the miko with a wry smile. "But when she told me that she did not care about the new family I had worked so hard to find for her, that she wanted to stay with me... It sort of... struck me like a lightning bolt."

 

"Really? Why was it so surprising?" asked the demon slayer.

 

"Well, it was in part because I did not expect someone to actually want to stay with me... But also because she made me realize that I was about to do to her what had been done to me so long ago," explained Kikyo, her features darkening as she finished her sentence.

 

"Do you want to talk about it?" questioned Sango carefully.

 

Instead of answering, a strange nostalgic smile spread on the miko's lips and her eyes clouded over, as if she wasn't in the room anymore, but far away, in a world all her own. If she had needed any confirmations, Kikyo's words left no room for anymore doubt.

 

"It happened so very long ago. It almost feel like it was a lifetime ago. But come to think about it... maybe it was another lifetime ago," began Kikyo dreamily.

 

--Flashback--

 

"Ready or not, here I come!" exclaimed Kikyo as she uncovered her eyes.

 

She then turned around and began scanning the landscape in search of her four years old sister Kaede. She often liked to play with her this way. Simple childish games that gave her a break from working in the field with her father. But then again, who wouldn't like her, the child was simply adorable.

 

"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" she called mischievously.

Of course, for now, she did not see anything. For all that she was four, her sister was remarkably good at hiding, which made the game a whole lot more fun. However, this time, Kaede's luck had run out because suddenly she managed to spot a small patch of the orange fabric composing of the child's kimono emerging from a bush not too far from her position. Smiling evilly, the ten years old girl began making her way toward her sister's hiding place in very slow and deliberate steps.

 

When she was within range, she abruptly dove into the bush and tackled her sister to the ground. Then followed a playful struggle full of squeals and laughter that ended when Kikyo pinned the smaller girl beneath her and began to tickle her senseless.

 

"AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!" squealed the helpless girl between laughing fits. "N... NO... FAIR!!!!!!"

 

"Oh? And why's that?" asked Kikyo evilly, not relenting her treatment in the least.

 

"B... BIGGER!!! YOU'RE... BIGGER... THAN... ME!!!" laughed the helpless Kaede.

 

Abruptly stopping her tickle attack, Kikyo suddenly lowered her head so she was eye-level to her sister and her eyes took on a dangerous gleam as she looked at the girl pinned beneath her.

 

"You know, that wasn't very nice of you to say this Kaede," she said menacingly. "Just for that, I think I'm going to increase your punishment."

 

She watched with great satisfaction her sister's eyes widen in horror right before the trapped child began to struggle frantically to free herself. Of course, it was all to no avail because Kikyo was far too strong for her. Taking her sweet time, the older girl very gradually approached her index toward her sister's most sensitive area. However, before she could reach her target, a violent headache assaulted her.

 

Immediately freeing her captive, she rolled to the side, clutching her head in pain. This did nothing to alleviate the agony that coursed through her however, if anything, it seemed to make things worst. Feeling like her head was being split apart, she let out a blood curdling scream before everything went black.

 

******

 

Consciousness returned very slowly to Kikyo. For some reason, her mind did not seem to function like it should because she had trouble forming coherent thoughts. Still, the pain that had assaulted her before she lost consciousness seemed to be mostly gone, reduced to a dull ache, so that at least, was a plus.

 

The first thing she saw upon opening her eyes was the worried face of her mother hovering above her.

 

"Kikyo! Thank the gods you're awake!" exclaimed the older woman.

 

"M... mom?" she asked hesitantly, still having a hard time remembering what happened.

 

"When we found you yesterday, we thought for sure you were dead! What happened to you?" she asked.

 

"My... head started to hurt... and I passed out," explained the child, the jumbled pieces of her memory gradually coming together.

 

"I wonder what could have caused it. The village's healer didn't find anything wrong with you," said her mother, a puzzled frown creasing her features.

 

"In any case, your father has gone to the neighboring village to ask for their miko's assistance, maybe she will be able to see what's wrong. Until then, you'll just have to take it easy," she added gravely.

 

"But mom, it takes two days to reach the next village and two days to come back! Who will tend the fields during this time? Winter is coming soon! We can't afford to waste so much time!" argued the child.

 

"You worry about getting better, Kikyo and I'll worry about the fields. Now get some rest," replied the older woman sternly.

 

"Yes mom," muttered the girl contritely.

 

Then began an excruciating wait for Kikyo. Because of what happened, her mother prevented her from to going outside or doing anything too tiring even though she felt perfectly fine. Her headache was gone without a trace, but still her mother insisted that she took it easy. She was used to long days either running outside or helping her parents, so to be confined inside for four days straight... Needless to say, that when her father finally returned with the miko, she was just about ready to bite someone's head off.

 

As it was, it didn't take very long for the miko to identify what was wrong with her. One glance was all it took for the woman's jaw to fall to the floor along with most of her luggage.

 

"Impossible!" she exclaimed incredulously.

 

"Miko-sama... what's wrong?" questioned Kikyo's father.

"Your daughter has more raw spiritual power than anyone I've ever seen before!" answered the woman.

 

Abruptly whirling around, the miko looked at Kikyo's father, her expression dead serious, almost urgent.

 

"It is imperative that this girl begins training immediately," she said in a tone that left no room for argument.

 

Not appreciating being bullied around, Kikyo's father frowned in disapproval.

 

"With all due respect, miko-sama,. Winter is coming up fast and I'll need Kikyo's help to tend the fields. I can't afford to spare her just so she can train," argued the man.

 

"Let me make one thing clear, sir. The reason your daughter has been assaulted with such a violent headache was because her powers are raw and uncontrolled. Unless something is done right now to remedy the situation, things will only grow worse," she explained.

 

"And just how worse can things become?" asked her father, an edge of concern beginning to show in his voice.

 

"With such a high level of spiritual energy there's only one possible outcome... she will die," announced the miko, causing absolute silence to fall upon the room.

 

--End flashback--

 

"So becoming a miko wasn't your choice in the first place," said Sango quietly.

 

"No, it wasn't. It was either this or die, so discussion wasn't even needed," replied Kikyo sadly.

 

"But you didn't really wanted to go did you?" asked the demon slayer.

 

"Gods, no, I didn't. I threw quite possibly the biggest tantrum a child could throw. I was so angry that I would have broken everything it the house if my mother hadn't physically restrained me," replied the miko with a nostalgic smile on her lips.

 

"But of course it was no use... Everybody wanted me to live, so they forced me to go, no matter what I said," added Kikyo, her tone once again heavy with emotions.

 

"There's more to this, isn't there?" inquired Sango gently

 

"Being gifted... is always a two-sided blade," answered Kikyo bitterly.

 

--Flashback--

 

Kikyo heaved the water bucked out of the well and transferred the clean water into another one. Wiping sweat from her face, she laboriously started on her way back to the chapel. Cleaning up the biggest room in the temple wasn't exactly something she was fond of doing, but there was no avoiding it. You either did it when you were told or faced the consequences... which usually involved about twice as much work as the task itself.

 

Having been there for a month already, Kikyo was slowly beginning to get used to living at the temple. For a while, she had tried refusing her situation by challenging her teachers, by refusing the rules. Needless to say, that it hadn't taken very long for her to understand the meaning of punishment. She winced as she remembered having to stand outside in the freezing rain for an entire night because of a smart retort she had shot to her teacher. That had successfully marked the end of her rebellious phase.

 

Having thus accepted to be taught, she had then started progressing at an unprecedented rate. In her few weeks of training, she had already mastered techniques that should have taken her years to even begin to control. It was nice, in a way, her teachers almost always praised her for her constant success, but this had also a very unfortunate side-effect.

 

"What on earth!?" exclaimed Kikyo as she opened the door to the chapel.

 

During the night, someone had the brilliant idea of covering the entire floor with a thick layer of mud. The tatamis always so neatly aligned in the center of the room were now all thrown haphazardly on the ground, help hopelessly stained with an unidentified red compound. Cleaning this entire mess would take her all day, meaning that she would get into trouble with her teachers because she would not be able to attend her lessons. This was the unfortunate side-effect of her talent. Her fellow apprentices never missed a chance to make her life miserable.

 

Entering the church more than a little discouraged, she started to wonder a bit on how she would be able to get out of this one. The logical solution would be to go and ask for help, which was exactly what the perpetrator wanted... and what Kikyo wanted to avoid. On the other hand, saying nothing would bring even more complications to her.

 

"Damn you all," she muttered angrily. "Why can't you just leave me alone!"

 

Feeling the need to vent her frustration, she summoned up her powers and, imagining the face of one of her fellow students, she kicked a bump in the mud as hard as she could. To her surprise, instead of exploding into a shower of dirt, the thing dissolved into complete nothingness.

 

Kikyo was first surprised by this unexpected turn of events. After all who would have thought that purification powers could dissolve mud, unless... Her eyes widened in comprehension and she knelt, placing her hand on the dirt. Sure enough, she started to feel her skin tickle slightly.

 

"They actually used magic to create this?!" she whispered, an evil grin spreading on her lips.

 

Summoning her powers again, she created a small bubble around herself and started walking around the room, leaving a trail of sparkling clean floor wherever she passed. When she was done, she attacked the tatamis, cleaning them in a similar way as she had for the floor and replacing them in their designated position. A whopping thirty minutes later, she was done and almost laughed as she imagined the face the culprit would make when they saw her popping out as if nothing had happened at all.

 

Still, she would have to give the change though, it normally took her close to two hours to clean the place, so the best she could do right now was to pretend. And pretend she would.

 

******

 

Standing outside the door to the classroom, Kikyo took a deep breath and composed her face. If she wanted to throw the joke in the perpetrator's face, the best way was to play dumb and act as if nothing had happened. Thus having pasted her best innocent face, she slid open the door and entered.

 

The shadows of conversations that had been taking place instantly stopped and the whole class turned incredulous stares at her. Apparently, quite a lot of people were aware of what was going on, which didn't really surprise Kikyo at all. Reaching her place, she sat down and froze in mid-motion, making it look like she had just now noticed everyone's stare.

 

"What?" she asked simply. Instantly, her classmates all looked away and begun talking again.

 

Though she feigned not to hear, she did manage to catch a few murmurs here and there.

 

"Impossible..."

 

"How did she..."

 

After a while, she really did stop listening. Everything was revolving around the same thing anyway. She had to admit however that it was pretty self-satisfying. The face everyone had made when she entered... Gods, just that was well worth the effort of keeping her innocent mask on.

 

Shortly after that, the teacher entered and she pushed her satisfaction to the back of her mind, focusing instead on assimilating what the woman in front of her was saying. And so, the day went on smoothly without any notable incidents. There was the occasional taunt along with the usual disdainful looks, but other than that, everything was perfectly normal.

 

All proud of herself for having been able foil her tormentor's plan, she never stopped to wonder about the repercussions of her actions. This was a big mistake. As the last of the day's training ended, Kikyo breathed a sigh of relief and began to head lazily toward her room. As she rounded a deserted corner however, hands suddenly gripped her from behind and began dragging her toward the nearest exit. She tried to scream but a piece of cloth was roughly shoved down her throat, effectively silencing her. Struggling was no use either as whoever was holding her proved to be much stronger than she.

 

Finally, through her kicking and trashing, she was eventually led to a secluded place of the courtyard where her captors finally threw her to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

 

"What the hell is this all about?!" she exclaimed once she had removed her gag.

 

"As if you don't know already!" snapped a voice she recognized as belonging to Nesumi, one of the girl who hated her the most. "How did you do it?"

 

"How did I do what?" she asked while looking desperately for a way out but the three girls who had dragged her here had her completely surrounded.

 

Without warning, Nesumi advanced a step and violently kicked her in the stomach. Kikyo let out a moan of pain as she doubled over.

 

"Don't play dumb bitch! The chapel, how did you clean it?!" snarled the girl angrily.

 

"I... took the mop... and scrubbed," she wheezed. "How else... could I... have done it?"

 

Not the smartest thing she had ever done in her life, but what else could she do? She couldn't very well reveal her tricks to these people, they would just find a way to use it against her. And so, she braced herself as the girl signaled for her lackeys and the kicks began to rain on her. She wasn't sure exactly how long they kept at it, but eventually they relented, leaving her coughing up blood on the ground.

 

"So? Still claim you used the mop?" taunted the leading girl.

 

"Go... to... hell," croaked Kikyo, still refusing to give in.

 

"Well then, in this case..." began Nesumi before extracting a piece of parchment from her pocket. "Dear Kikyo, we all miss you very much here at the farm..."

 

This had the desired effect because abruptly Kikyo jerked, looking at the girl with a mix of surprise and horror on her face. This was the only letter she had received so far of her parents and it related everything that had gone on since she had been gone. Even Kaede who didn't know how to write had put a little drawing of herself on the bottom. This was her most prized possession, she always kept it safely hidden in her room. Only her roommate knew where it was aside from herself... but it couldn't have been her! Hitomi never really liked her... but she was a fair and honest person. She couldn't have given it to them! Not her!

 

"Really Kikyo, you should learn to hide your stuff better," said a voice that made her heart freeze over.

 

"Hitomi..." she whispered, horrified

 

"In the flesh," replied the girl darkly. "Now answer the question or say goodbye to this stupid letter."

 

She couldn't believe it. How could these people be so cruel? Didn't they understand just how precious this letter was to her? That it wasn't her fault if her powers were stronger than theirs? That she wasn't here by choice? That she'd much rather be home with her family than stay here and endure training everyday?

 

Ice suddenly showered her very soul as the cruel reality hit her. They knew! They knew about her powers being stronger and they knew it wasn't her fault, that she had been born that way. They knew... and they couldn't stand it. They couldn't stand that a farm girl like her would develop stronger powers than they who had been born of high-ranking families. That was why they were torturing her, they wanted to prove that, in fact they were the strong ones and she was a weakling. They wanted her to grovel and beg, they wanted her to cry. Well, she wouldn't give them this satisfaction.

 

"I... don't care," she hissed through clenched teeth.

 

This seemed to surprise her captors because a heavy silence followed her declaration. It didn't last however. Hitomi quickly gestured to one of the following girls who promptly extracted a candle from her pocket and lit it.

 

"Well then, if you don't care... I suppose you won't mind actually burning it yourself," taunted Hitomi cruelly.

 

Emotion flashed in Kikyo's eyes briefly, before they became two frozen pools of hazel. Standing up laboriously, she limped her way to her roommate and roughly tore the letter from her hands. Turning around, she made her way to the girl holding the candle and placed the parchment over the small flame. As the fire started destroying her letter, Kikyo felt icy numbness spread over the whole of her being. When she shifted her gaze to Hitomi, there were as no more emotions on her face.

 

"There, happy now?" she asked frostily while throwing the burning paper to the ground.

The silence that followed her words was deafening. Everyone stared at her with wide and disbelieving eyes.

 

"You..." uttered the Nesumi.

 

"So, you still want me to teach you how to mop a floor?" taunted Kikyo, beyond caring about anything by now.

 

The girl's eyes narrowed considerably in anger at this, but she did not make any move toward the her.

 

"This isn't over, Kikyo, not by a long shot! Mark my words, one day, I'll make you grovel before me!" she snarled before turning around and walking briskly away.

 

Without their leader, the rest of the girls all started to leave and before she knew it, Kikyo found herself completely alone. Finally free to act as she wanted, the girl collapsed to her knees and finally allowed her unshed tears to fall.

 

"Never!" she thought fiercely between her sobs. "I'll never grovel before you!"

 

--End flashback--

 

"They tried again to break me... many times," whispered Kikyo "But I held on, I never gave in no matter what they did."

 

"I had to be strong no matter what. If I had shown weakness they would have trampled on me. That's why I burned the letter... because I couldn't show them any weakness..."

 

Sango watched as the miko's entire body began to tremble as long suppressed emotions began to resurface. Words kept flowing out of Kikyo's mouth in a stream that grew less and less understandable by the minute. It was clear to the demon slayer that the wounds caused by her classmates never had a chance to heal... and now, fifty years later, they were bursting open once again. Unable to merely stand by and do nothing as one of her friends suffered, Sango approached the quivering woman carefully and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

 

"Kikyo... let it out," she whispered soothingly. "This pain of yours... let it out. You're not alone anymore."

 

She watched as the woman turned wild and unseeing eyes toward her, eyes that belonged to a ten years old who had just had her heart shattered into millions of pieces. Tears started to shine into the miko's eyes as she saw the understanding smile worn by the demon slayer. A strange look passed over the woman's face, a strange mix of gratefulness, relief and maybe a touch of happiness. A look that Sango understood perfectly. The look of someone who had just found a Friend. Not just a friend, but a Friend. The type of friend you share your deepest secrets with, your pain, your joys... everything. Someone you can trust and lean on to for support when you need it the most.

 

It took only a split second more for the miko's emotions to finally explode and for her to throw herself in Sango's waiting arms. And she cried. She cried for all the letters she had been forced to burn, for all the taunting and teasing she had been forced to ignore. She cried for all the pain she never had a chance to acknowledge. And it felt good to have someone's arms around her, to bask in the warm and comforting embrace of another being. It felt good... not to be alone anymore.

 

Behind the pair, Kagome stirred slightly in her sleep before falling still once again. At that moment, Sango blinked once in confusion as she felt the crying miko's body warm ever so slightly. The change was so slight that the demon slayer quickly dismissed it as a figment of her imagination.

 

Unbeknownst to her, something very similar had happened a few days earlier: Kikyo's stomach had growled when she remembered her favorite meal. There was one very important difference between the two events however. Whereas the growling episode had lasted merely a second before her body returned to its lifeless state, this time... the change stayed.