InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Kikyo's lonely journey ❯ Down the path of salvation ( Chapter 24 )

Disclaimer: Most of the characters in this story are the actual work of Rumiko Takahashi. I do not own them in any way.

 

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Epilogue: Down the path of salvation

 

Letting out a long and weary breath, Kikyo sat down in the shade of a tree and stretched her aching legs. Being alive was all nice and well, but her body was like that of a newborn infant meaning that she hardly had any stamina to spare. Still, she wasn't about to complain, not after all those years spent yearning for a human body again.

 

Turning her gaze to the village's square, she allowed a small smile to grace her lips. To say her idea of celebrating their victory had been welcomed would be the understatement of the century. Everyone had been so enthusiastic about it that, before she knew it, the 'small celebration' had turned into a full blown festival. Even as she looked, the village's square was being decorated and prepared for the evening. Food was being cooked and tables were being lined up. Musicians were tuning up their instruments and children were happily running to and from, helping where they could.

 

All in all, the general mood was extremely giddy. People were happy, people were laughing, people were smiling... and for a reason she could not fathom, all of it seemed to slide over her without really touching her. True, she was happy, but she couldn't seem to share in the joy of everyone else. It felt like an invisible weight was holding her on the ground while everyone was soaring high in the sky.

 

The sound of footsteps nearing brought her out of her dark musing. Shifting her gaze, she was able to identify the newcomer as Sango. The priestess felt a pang of irritation as the demon slayer noticed her and headed her way. The feeling only increased when the woman sat down beside her, thus troubling the peace and quiet she had been so desperately seeking right now.

 

"Pretty busy over there wouldn't you agree?" asked Sango with a weary sigh.

 

"Yes," answered the priestess levelly, hoping that the other woman would get the message and leave her alone.

 

Apparently, luck was not on her side today, because the demon slayer continued as if she hadn't heard anything.

 

"So what are you going to wear for the celebration?" questioned the woman.

 

"My uniform, what else would you want me to wear?" replied Kikyo sardonically.

 

"Well, if you were to ask around, I'm sure you'd be able to find plenty of other women who'd be willing to lend you something for the night. I myself have a few that I know would fit you. And if you really feel original, why not ask Kagome?" said Sango, her tone turning wry at the end.

 

Being in the mood she was in, the only thing the joke managed to accomplish was annoy the miko more than she already was. "That's not even close to being funny Sango," muttered Kikyo angrily.

 

"And you quite obviously have not been listening to a word I've said," retorted the other woman in a tone that had just enough ice to stop Kikyo's anger dead in its tracks.

 

"I'm very aware that we've been talking about clothing thank you," snapped Kikyo feeling suddenly defensive about this whole argument. "I don't see what I could have possibly missed!"

 

"Exactly, we've been talking about clothing! Kimonos, hakamas... your uniform, all of it are just plain clothing! So why is it that you cannot bear to wear anything else?" demanded the demon slayer.

 

The miko opened her mouth to answer in kind but, for a reason she could not fathom, the words never passed the boundaries of her lips

 

"Face it Kikyo. You've been using this uniform as a barrier. You've wrapped yourself in it, allowed it to sink into your skin, to permeate every pore of your being. As any good armor, it protected you from the numerous blows aimed your way but the problem is that it became too good. Your armor turned into a prison. You're stuck in this uniform and you can't get out of it," added the woman for emphasis.

 

The truth in the demon slayer's words hit the priestess full force shaking her to her very core, making her reel. Memories long forgotten began to resurface, haunting her, torturing her with a whole new meaning. Every invitation she had turned down, every single opportunity she had missed to simply relax and have fun, all of them were suddenly staring at her, mocking her, laughing at her.

 

She had thought herself free. Free of the pain, the anguish, the loneliness her walking dead status had brought forth. But now she could see that the minute she let down her guard, she started walking down the same path that had lead her to betray Inuyasha all those decades ago. All the barriers Susune had worked so hard to take down were gradually rising again. She was unconsciously beginning to push everyone away... just like all those years ago.

 

But she didn't want to! She didn't want to push everyone away! She didn't want to be alone anymore! But she didn't know how else to act. It had been so long since she had started behaving like this that she didn't know how else to act!

 

"No, that's not true... I do know... but I'm afraid. Afraid to be anything else than what I've always been. Afraid of what other people might think if I am anything less than what they expect me to be," she realized with no small amount of horror.

 

Abruptly she became aware that Sango was not sitting beside her anymore, but standing right in front of her with her hand extended. She was offering her a lifeline, a way out of her prison. All she had to do was reach for it. But fear gripped her stomach, paralyzed her, forced her to remain motionless.

 

Her entire body started to tremble under the force of the conflict raging within her. She wanted this freedom Sango was offering her. She wanted it so much that it hurt. She wanted to fly like everyone else. She wanted to laugh when she wanted to. She wanted to cry when she was in pain. She didn't want to have to hide anymore. She wanted to live!

 

Gradually, her hand started to move. Inches by agonizing inches the distance between her fingers and Sango's decreased until she found herself frozen a mere breath away from her destination. God she was so close! So close she could practically taste it! Her freedom! Her life! Only a millimeter away! And suddenly she had it! Her fingers grazed warm flesh and the force holding her back seemed to vanish into thin air as Sango's hand closed around her own in a firm grip.

 

Immediately, she let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding and with it, all her strength seemed to just drain away. Had she not been sitting, she probably would have collapsed, but as it was, all she really did was slump forward, her entire body quaking with the aftershocks of the battle she had just waged.

 

"Come on, let's get you out of this heavy uniform... okay?" murmured Sango gently.

 

And the exhausted miko could only nod in response as her friend started leading her slowly down the treacherous path that would eventually lead to her salvation.

 

******

 

Walking briskly between the trees, Masahiro grumbled to himself. In his quest to reclaim the honor he had lost while serving Kuro, his path had made him stumble on the peculiar character of Totosai. Immediately, the old man had practically begged him let him make a sword out of one of his fangs. Not knowing what he was in for, he had accepted... big mistake.

 

For one month now, he had been going in and out of the youkai's shop, collecting first the pure soils from the great fallen mountain Hakurei, then the waters from the raging eastern ocean and then wood from the great tree bokusen-oh. Just that last bit had taken him three days to argue out of the stubborn old tree. And now, his latest task had been to go to mount Fuji and bring back a block of freshly dried lava, no less.

 

"I swear, if that old geezer makes me run one more of those stupid errands, I'm leaving, sword or no sword!" he muttered, beginning his ascension of the swordsmith's volcano.

 

When he finally did arrive, it was only to realize that Totosai wasn't there! Growling in frustration, he deposited his package on the ground and sat down to wait.

 

"Not only do I have to wander across the country in search of these silly items... but now I have to wait for him to come back," he grumbled in irritation.

 

And he waited. And waited. And waited some more. Minutes turned to hours and still the old swordsmith did not show himself. Finally, as the sun started sinking below the horizon, he couldn't take it anymore and he stood up to leave... only to bump straight into the person he had been waiting for.

 

"Oh, you're back! Did you bring it?" asked the youkai, completely ignoring the death glare he was receiving.

 

"Yeah I did!" growled Masahiro in barely suppressed anger. "And what the fuck have you been doing? I've been waiting here all day!"

 

"What? Oh, I got hungry so I went fishing... sort of dozed off for a while," answered Totosai lightly.

 

Masahiro's eyes bulged out of their sockets at the admission. He had been waiting here fuming while the whole geezer slept the afternoon away? That was too much for his frazzled nerves to take.

 

"Why you..." he hissed before smacking the exasperating old youkai as hard as he could on the head.

 

Not even sparing Totosai a second glance, Masahiro whirled around and stalked away, having finally had enough of this old fool's stupid nonsense. He hadn't gone very far before the swordsmith's voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

 

"Come tomorrow at dawn, your sword's going to be finished by then," said the youkai.

 

"You'd better not be kidding old man! I've had just about enough of your stupid games," replied Masahiro before disappearing down the tracks.

 

The youkai didn't really go that far this evening. Partly because he was anxious for the next morning and also partly because he was just too exhausted to actually go anywhere. Not even trying to catch his meal, he flopped down against a tree, and watched the nearby stream dreamily.

 

"You destroyed my village, killed my family, caused me more pain than anyone in this entire world," admitted Susune, her eyes becoming watery in remembrance. "That's why I can't allow you to die Masahiro... because if you do then you won't be able to carry the weight of the lives you took on your shoulders! You lived for something Masahiro... so don't you dare die for nothing!"

 

Those words came back to him, unbidden and with them, the face of the one who had pronounced them appeared before his eyes. The face of a child no older than ten that was stronger than he could ever hope to be. She had had every reason to let him die in that lab... and yet she had not given in to hatred. She had given him a second chance, she had healed his injury and had even accepted to shoulder the weight of his dishonor while he worked to redeem himself.

 

"I will redeem myself Susune, I swear I will," he promised solemnly. "Just as soon as that idiot Totosai finishes my new blade that is!"

 

He hadn't exactly been too fond of the idea of having a new sword to count as his own. Too much blood was already spilled on the previous one to his liking. But then the old swordsmith had gone around and said that the sword he made always reflected the desires of its owner. A bit ridiculous, but if that was the truth then he would have an unstained blade. A blade that he could use to save instead of kill. And when he had saved enough lives... then he would be able to face up to Susune and his old sword, confronting the weight of the lives he took with the weight of the lives he saved. That was the true reason he had put up with Totosai's antics. Because he could not help but hope that maybe, just maybe, he could have a tool to his own salvation.

 

"Anyway, one way or the other, I will know tomorrow morning," he whispered to the empty air before closing his eyes and allowing sleep to overcome him.

 

He slept fitfully that night, for once not dreaming about his violent past or how he would strangle the old geezer if he were to give him another one of his stupid errands. And he woke up with the sun, filled to the brim with hope and determination. Yes, he could feel it, today would definitively be a glorious day.

 

And so, it was with that thought in mind that he headed back to Totosai's hut, almost running in anticipation of what he would discover. This time, when he reached the lair, the loud clanging of a hammer beating against metal told him that he wouldn't have to wait like he did the previous day.

 

"Totosai, you there?" he asked rather unnecessarily.

 

"Masahiro? What are you doing here so early?" asked the old swordsmith.

 

"What do you mean? You're the one who said my sword would be ready by now!" snapped the irate youkai.

 

"I did?" questioned back Totosai, scratching his head in confusion.

 

A strong blow to the head later and the old swordsmith abruptly found himself sprawled on the ground, an enormous bump forming on top of his head.

 

"Does that refresh your memory or do I have to hit you again," said Masahiro, having realized long ago that a good smack on the head was the fastest way to get answers out of this eccentric individual.

 

"Alright, alright, your sword's right here," finally yielded the youkai, handing him the said weapon.

 

Taking it, Masahiro unsheathed it and could only stare in surprise at what he saw. "This sword... the blade is on the wrong side," he said in confusion.

 

"That's how it wanted to be done. Also, it wanted to be doused in what remained of the purity of mount Hakurei in order to be shielded from evil. And then, it wanted to be cooled in the raging waters of the eastern ocean to have an edge of its own. And finally, it wanted to be sharpened with a block of freshly cooled lava from mount Fuji to always stay warm. And finally, it wanted a decent sheath to keep its powers in check," explained the youkai.

 

"So all of those errands..." replied Masahiro in sudden illumination.

 

"They were for your own sword. You wanted a sword that could protect and not destroy, well you have it now. With its blade on the other side, it will keep you from killing recklessly and what's more, with all the elements that were added to it, the sword itself won't allow you to kill if it feels it's unjustified," answered Totosai as simply as if he had been discussing the weather.

 

"So you weren't lying when you said that the swords you forge always reflect the will of their owner," observed Masahiro with an amused grin.

 

"And just who do you think you're talking to? I'm the great Totosai after all!" bragged the old swordsmith arrogantly.

 

"Yes, and I see that now," replied the other youkai with a small chuckle. "But as for payment, I'm afraid..."

 

"Oh just take it! You traveled through most of the country to gather the necessary elements. I wager you've earned the right to this blade by now," shooed Totosai, turning back to his current work.

 

"But..." countered Masahiro, not knowing what to say.

 

"Just go before I decide to change my mind," dismissed the swordsmith.

 

"I..." started the baffled youkai, but the rest of what he had been about to say died in his throat.

 

"Yes?" urged Totosai, visibly getting annoyed by his visitor.

 

"No... it's nothing. You really have my deepest gratitude Totosai-sama," bowed Masahiro in thanks.

 

"Oh never mind that, just leave already!" huffed the swordsmith before returning to his work.

 

"Of course. Farewell Totosai-sama... and thank you again," said Masahiro one last time before leaving the old youkai once and for all.

 

"With this sword, I will reclaim my pride and honor... And I will make the youkai race shine once more!" he thought, determination fueling his being.

 

And with that, he too started his journey. A journey to reclaim what he had lost, a journey to redeem his soul, a journey that would ultimately lead him back to that young sensor named Susune for that one decisive duel. The duel that would decide once and for all what was to become of his soul, whether it be damnation... or salvation.

 

******

 

"Are you sure you don't want any of us to come with you?" asked Kagome to her alter-ego from the past.

 

"No, that will be all right. As Nesumi's classmate, it is now up to me to bring back her remains to her family," answered the miko serenely.

 

"As true as this may be, more than fifty years have passed since the incident. The task you have set upon yourself may prove to be harder than you think," replied Miroku.

 

"Perhaps... but it's something that has to be done. So that she may finally rest in peace, I will bring her back to her family," said Kikyo.

 

"But it's only been a month since you became human again, shouldn't you wait longer?" questioned Shippo worriedly.

 

"I've had plenty of rest Shippo-chan. My injury is fully healed and I've gotten as used to being human as any of you," she reassured.

 

"Sister, I urge you to be very careful on your way. I would not want to lose you... again," added Kaede, her voice faltering a little at the end of her sentence.

 

"Do not worry sister. Now that I am truly alive again, I do not plan on dying so soon. I have a life to live, and I plan to live it," replied the miko with an understanding smile.

 

"Kikyo, I'll set aside the kimono I lent you during the celebration a month ago. That way it'll be ready for you when you return. So this way you know you'll have something clean to wear when you get back," winked the demon slayer.

 

It wasn't difficult for the miko to understand the hidden meaning behind this retort... and it made her smile despite herself.

 

"Thank you Sango. I'll be sure to remember it if my baggage gets too heavy," she said gratefully.

 

Finally the miko turned to the last member of the group who had yet to utter a single word. For that matter, he was not even looking at her at the moment. This made her chuckle lightly.

 

"Inuyasha... I trust you will take good care of the village while I'm gone. I do wish to have a home to return to," she called.

 

"Keh! You just worry about yourself. I wouldn't want to have to save your sorry ass again!" he snapped irritably.

 

This rude retort, so typical of the proud hanyou made everyone shake their head in discouragement. Inuyasha would die before admitting he was concerned for anyone. But still, hidden beneath that gruff tone, there had been a touch of concern for the miko and that was why Kagome chose not to sit him for his behavior... just this once.

 

And that was it. There was no one else remaining to say goodbye to. Regretfully, Kikyo cast a glance at her friends crowded before her looking for the missing face. The face she had most wanted to see, the face of a ten years old girl. The face of the girl that had believed in her when she herself had lost all faith. The face of the girl that had saved her and brought her back from the grave.

 

"Will you tell goodbye to Susune for me?" she asked, sadness clouding her features.

 

"Don't worry Kikyo, we will. You just make sure you come back to scold her okay?" joked Kagome, though it was plain to see that she wasn't really in the mood for laughing right now.

 

"I'll think about what I'll do to her on the way," she assured with a humorless smile. "But now I have to go... or else I'll never leave. Farewell... my friends. I shall be back as soon as I can."

 

And with that said, she turned around to a chorus of goodbyes and farewells. It felt strange. Not that long ago, the very thought of these people would have caused uncontrolled anger to well up inside of her. But now, parting from them seemed like the most difficult thing in the world, even if it was just for a time.

 

"I suppose everyone changes at one point or another. Even I who was frozen in time for so long could not resist the urge to change," she reflected thinking inevitably of the girl who had initiated everything.

 

"Susune..." she murmured, feeling once again a small pang of sadness at not having been able to say goodbye to the child.

 

Sighing, she pushed the thought out of her mind. It wasn't as if she'd be gone forever after all. A little over a week to reach the Fujirawa temple and then finding where Nesumi was from. All of this would amount to what... a month? Two? It wasn't really that long.

 

"Who am I kidding," she chuckled mirthlessly. "Of everyone, I'll miss her the most."

 

But then, something peculiar caught her attention on the road ahead. Someone was standing right in the middle of the path, quite effectively blocking her way. Even if she had yet to discern any definite feature of the person, the black uniform adorned with blue shoulder pads and a blue sash in front was a dead giveaway as to the identity of the newcomer.

 

Frowning in both disapproval and confusion, the miko hurried her steps until she was standing right in front of the waiting child. Now that she was up close, Kikyo started noticing many things she had missed due to the distance. First, the girl had Masahiro's sword strapped to her back, sandwiched between her body and a backpack full of supplies. On her hip, she had a quiver full of arrows held there by her blue belt and the bow itself was slipped in a sheath on the side of her pack. The woman noted with some degree of amazement that the entire ensemble had been carefully designed to give her easy access to her weapons if the need ever arose.

 

For the longest of time, the two stared at each other, silent and unblinking, stubbornness meeting with stubbornness in a fierce battle of will. It was broken however when Kikyo, unable to take it any longer simply burst out laughing.

 

"Kikyo... sama?" asked the child, confused by the abrupt change of mood.

 

"I'm sorry Susune," apologized the miko wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. "But it is so like you to do something like this that I'm surprised I did not see it coming."

 

"And it's just as well, otherwise you would have tried to stop me," countered the child with a slight huff.

 

"And just how long have you been preparing for this?" asked Kikyo, suddenly perplexed.

 

"About as long as you. My mind was made up almost as soon as you announced you were leaving," answered the child with a rather smug expression.

 

"Let me guess... the others helped you right?" she questioned again knowingly.

 

At this, Susune's cheeks reddened slightly in embarrassment and she looked away. "Yeah, they did," she admitted rather unnecessarily. "But they helped me because they knew I was the only one you would accept as a traveling companion... and they didn't want you traveling alone."

 

"Do they have so little faith in me that they feel forced to treat me like a newborn baby?" shot back Kikyo, anger flaring up inside of her.

 

"You really don't get it do you?" snapped Susune irritably, quite effectively shutting the miko up. "Me accompanying you has nothing to do with the amount of faith our friends have in you! If anything, they believe in you now more than ever!"

 

"Susune..." whispered Kikyo, at a total loss.

 

"Back then, when I went to that fake monk in the middle of the night and you realized in how much danger I was, does the fact that you practically flew to my rescue altered the amount of faith you had in me? Does the fact that you were concerned about me meant that you had no faith in me at all?" asked the ten years old firmly.

 

The miko felt like she had just been hit by a lightning bolt and she could feel something within her shifting, trying to accommodate this new truth that had been handed down to her. But the piece did not quite fit the whole scene and doubt began creeping into her mind.

 

"But... if you have faith in someone you don't worry about them. If I had believed you were strong enough to beat that youkai I would not have worried," she countered, though her words had lost most of their strength.

 

"Not true. You would have worried, just not as much. If you care for someone, it's only natural to be concerned about him even if you trust him with your life. This is why I'm here. Because our friends care about you and don't want anything bad happening to you... they all want you to come back Kikyo-sama," explained the girl.

 

"Come back eh?" she mused, turning around to gaze at the village.

 

It felt strange to gaze at this place she had once tried so hard to avoid. So much pain and suffering resided there. This was where she had been forced to become a miko. This was where she had been entrusted with the impossible task of guarding the shikon jewel. This was where she and Inuyasha had betrayed each other. Yes, she had cried, she had suffered, she had bled, she had even died there.

 

"But I also found friends there. Friends who helped me, friends who supported me, friends I know will never betray me. Yes, this was where I found... that I was not alone anymore. This is where my lonely journey ended... and also where your journey begins Nesumi. Your journey toward your final resting place," she reflected, thinking of the urn tucked safely away in her backpack.

 

"Kikyo-sama?" questioned Susune, bringing the miko out of her musing.

 

Shifting her attention back to the waiting child, the woman could not help but smile warmly at the girl's expectant expression. "I believe it is time we be on our way, don't you think?" she questioned serenely.

 

There was a second of stillness on the child's part as the full meaning of the words sank in, but then she too smiled. "Yes," she answered simply, her voice filled with determination.

 

And so, as the gentle summer breeze stirred the trees, as the birds chirped happily, as the sun shone brightly in the sky, Kikyo and Susune once again embarked on a new journey. A journey to the long forgotten past of fifty years ago. A journey to grant a tormented soul its final resting place. For everyone has a place where they must return to one day. A place where their heart lay. A place where they feel safe and loved. A place... they call home.