InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Kiyou Nitsuite Amedare: Ten, Tentou, ken Touhou ❯ Irebun Bundan ( Chapter 11 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

"'I know what they say, little Kikyou-chan. You mustn't be so angry with them, for they are ignorant. Instead, pity them and forgive them for their nature. Rise above them, and do not let bitterness poison you to become what they are.'

I remember breathing in a sharp breath, and thinking very seriously on what she had told me.

She had enlightened me on something I hadn't realized.'

Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Samurai / Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 12.10.2007 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.9K | Visits: 413 | Status: Completed

Irebun Bundan

I remember staring out the window often during that spring. I noted every day the new blossoms that appeared, and remembered vaguely what Nigou-san first told me when I arrived at the Okiya. Why she had named me Shanakawa Kikyou. Kikyou... to blossom, and become a beautiful hana. At the thought of this, I wanted to laugh now. It seemed a ridiculous notion...

How could a single sunflower survive admist a field of irises? There would be no way it could be noticed... The other hana would drown it out, and cover it up. The sunflower would suffocate, would wither away. The sun would not be able to reach it.

I watched as the sakura fell from the tree in the courtyard, fluttering on the wind, a prisoner to its will. Wherever the wind decided to blow was the way the sakura must go, and I felt akin to it.

Against my better judgment, I had told Sango-chan of my plan to escape. She cried then, pleading and begging for me not to go. Not for selfish reasons, but she knew the consequences if I were to be caught. No one had ever escaped the okiya successfully, and more than a handful had tried.

I had not been the only one as desperate as that.

I had promised her I would stay.

It was about a month after my turning year then, nearly two months into the new year. This year was the year of the dragon. The celebration had been grand, with fireworks that lit up the night sky and dancing and drinking sake. The moon had nearly been full, and there had been a rainbow dragon that snaked its way down the streets.

Of course, I had seen none of this. Kaede had described with beautiful fascination to Sango and I how marvelous it had been... the grand colors, the drums, the music. She had performed on the shimasen for a Baron who had currently been considering taking her as his danna. She may not have been as beautiful as the other girls, but her kindness granted her favor by the Kami-sama and it was apparently paying off.

None of the other girls had men considering them for danna. It made them jealous, and they reacted like oni. They spoke viciously behind Kaede's back, saying nasty things about her. Kaede being the only geisha in the house I respected, I of course resented the girls all the more for their venomous tongues. But when they began whispering, dripping their poison to make it seem as if Kaede had been the one stealing from the Okiya, I found I could not hold my own tongue any longer.

I told Kaede what I had heard them saying.

I was indignant for her, angry at their lies. I knew Kaede would never do such a thing... and when I said this to her, she smiled so sweetly at me... I felt my heart hum in recognition, and for a moment I saw my okaa-san in her face. Gentleness came from her very being, and I knew then that the Kami-sama had put her on this earth to bring life to the cold world around her.

"I know what they say, little Kikyou-chan. You mustn't be so angry with them, for they are ignorant. Instead, pity them and forgive them for their nature. Rise above them, and do not let bitterness poison you to become what they are."

I remember breathing in a sharp breath, and thinking very seriously on what she had told me.

She had enlightened me on something I hadn't realized.

My frostbitten spirit had become cold and angry, and no longer was I Kagome-chan. I was bitter, as dead as winter. I had become frozen in my life, and I had begun to think things that permeated my being, causing me to feel something never before had I felt in my trials of life.

Hatred.

It was a new feeling, and for my young mind it was a strong emotion I had a hard time containing... I never knew there were such things in the world before I came to the Okiya. Was this why people treated me this way? This feeling? I never knew why before... I just knew it was a fact of life, but I never knew there was a reason behind it. And when I realized that perhaps it was this very emotion I felt that was the driving force behind their actions... I never wanted to feel it again.

This burning hatred.

It had begun to slowly consume me before I had realized it, and defined me as a new person I didn't recognize. It was what made me Kikyou... and though I did not want to keep that mask, that pleasant falseness as a person, I knew I couldn't shed that idenity. Not ever again...

So I could only redefine her and redefine her into what I wanted Kikyou to be.

Because I knew, right then, I did not know who I was. So I could only mould a new person, a new creation. Everything I had known to be before was scattered to the wind, blown away on the midst of time. They were nothing but memories, and watching those sakura being pushed around by the will of another that spring afternoon broke something inside of me.

I wouldn't allow myself to become that.

I would force a new way for myself. I remembered then what my Okaa-san, my beautiful, dear Okaa-san... What she had told me...

'Kagome-chan, when water is trapped, and it has no where to go… it carves a new path for itself from stone and earth. It rises above, and overcomes its obstacles.'

Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to be transported to that moment in time... random wisps of her hair pushing gently against the soft apples of her cheeks, flush with joy that day. The sakura in full bloom around us, the small river bending and twisting... gurgling with life. My Otou-san standing away from us, relishing in the gentle breeze of the warm afternoon sun...

Refreshing us after a harsh winter, those long cold months trapping us inside. Meager rations, the villagers near starving because of the drought the year before. Being gifted with that light, misty rain that had been the gift of Kami-sama to tell us the hard times were over now. And as the sun broke through those gray clouds that day, and the snow began to melt, tiny buds pushing through the frozen earth...

We knew we had made it. We knew we could survive another year.

My Okaa-san touched my heart that day. She showed me, that just like us, the water overcame. It rises and falls, nothing able to stop it.

I was young then. Younger than I was at that moment.

Perhaps five years... I couldn't remember. Trying to hold on to the moment tighter, I tried to remember the way she smelled...

Of sweet plum and gardina... Soft and subdued, complimenting her sweet nature.

She took an blue iris from her arrangement basket, placing it gently behind my ear. Smiling that heavenly smile to me, she commented softly, 'You are as beautiful as a hime, Kagome-chan. Don't let anyone ever make you believe otherwise. You are regal and elegant, and every true lady is. You speak well, and are never cross. And you must never be, for it makes us ugly.'

My Otou-san seemed to be pulled from his reverie then, and his movement commanded my mother's attention and I. We always waited for him to speak, and I knew my mother held a profound and deep love and respect for him. This way, I did too. I constantly wanted to please him, and those days I spoke a little freer around him. When you are young, sometimes you do not know better.

My excitement was thus, and I went to him before he called me.

'Otou-san! Okaa-san said that I am as beautiful as a hime!' I smiled, showing off my iris-my prize, my sign of royalty that day.

My father laughed at me, a deep and hearty sound hard to forget.

Somewhat like Inuyasha...

Drawing my brows together, I tried to remember his face... the details... but I had difficulty...

All I kept seeing was Inuyasha...

Holding his hand out to me, calling for me.

'Kagome-chan.'

I remembered his earthy scent, his rough exterior to hide the well of kindness beneath it. I reached for the kotodama he had given me, hidden underneath my sleeping mat.... The way he looked at me, so piercing... My heart fluttered and I sighed remembering that day...

'Kagome-chan.'

Where was he? I had searched for him often in the streets. I knew I was young to be dreaming of a regal man, one possibly twice my age, but I could not forget him. I wanted to meet him again. I wanted him to notice me.

I wanted him to notice the sunflower among the irises, the one that desperately reached for the sun.

Inuyasha was my sun. He was my warmth. He melted the snow that had covered my spirit.

"Kikyou-chan!"

Feeling my eyes slide open, I felt detatched from the world. I had a new resolve.

I would remain as chill as ice. I would not let them know how their hatred affected me, and I would not hate them in return. I would pity them because of it.

Any warmth I had, I would lock away. I would save it, cherish it, the last ray of light I had buried deep within me...

I would treasure it for one reason, hide it away for one person...

Inuyasha.

Until I saw him again.

I would not be Higurashi Kagome for any other reason.

Until I saw him again, I would only and always be Shanakawa Kikyou. The mask that would save those precious feelings solely for that moment.

"Hai!"

Standing, I left my daydream behind me.

For now, I had to carve a new path for myself. I would not allow myself be defiled by becoming a gaishou. I would then be too ashamed to find Inuyasha.

I knew I only had one other choice.

I must make them see that I could be a Geisha.

Glossary:

Hana- flower
Sakura- cherry blossom
Hime-Princess
Gaishou-Prostitute