InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Leaving Me ❯ Leaving Me ( One-Shot )

Leaving Me

 

I wake up. Kagome and Inuyasha are still sleeping, although not for long. Inuyasha will be up and shouting at Kagome to locate more jewel shards. But jewel shards do not matter to me anymore. At least, finding them doesn't. I head out, careful not to wake the others.

It has been a week. A long week. The weather has been most gloomy and rain-filled. It reflects my mood, but the rain does not come close to spilling as many droplets as I have. Maybe not physically, but emotionally. Inside.

I head down to the burial grounds, to one certain grave in particular. I kneel down in front of it, clenching my fists into the hard ground as the pain overwhelms me for a moment. In disbelief, I still stare at the tombstone, not wanting to accept what has happened. I know your body is no longer here, but your spirit still exists. A part of my fragile soul knows that. But it is not enough. It will never be enough.

It was always a possibility. To be honest, I never thought about it too much. Kohaku almost always occupied my thoughts. I cared about you a lot, but I could never reveal it for fear I would be rejected. I could never dare to hope; hope was only a flicker of something that could not be achieved without great cost. After all, you were always being a lecher, flirting with the other village women.

I hated to admit it, although Kagome-chan quickly figured out that I got jealous whenever we saw you asking other women to bear your children. I knew why you asked them. I knew and understood your reasons. I am not sure I understood your pain, but the one thing I did not understand at all is why you had not asked me long before. You only asked me after you nearly died. Of course I agreed. It took me a long time to realize it, but I loved you. I just wasn't sure whether you loved me, and I had doubted the whole idea of it until that moment. Some small hope remained in me throughout our journeys whenever you and I had the chance to talk, but you ruined it every time by your lecherous actions. You just had to, didn't you, Houshi-sama?

A single tear escapes my eye and I quickly wipe it away. I do not allow myself to shed any tears for what happened. I cannot stand it. The pain is too deep; simple tears would not amount to the loss I feel inside.

Kagome's faith about our journey was amazing. She had such confidence that it would all work out. Inuyasha would be able to let Kikyou go in peace, Shippo would be raised by her and Inuyasha, I would get Kohaku back and lay him to rest, and you would break the curse of your Kazaana.

Why did fate have to be so cruel? I had already lost my family and village, I could not bear to lose you as well. I guess a part of me thought that you would be able to defeat Naraku in time to get rid of the curse. I thought we had enough time. I was wrong, and the pain of knowing that hurts me deeper than anything else at this moment.

As my eyes gradually drift back up to look at the words engraved on the tombstone, tears blur my eyes, although I know the words have been engraved in my mind and soul. My heart will never forget them, as they are the truth that my mind cannot face. I keep hoping that maybe just one more time, I can hear your voice, see your calming smile, and feel your touch.

 

 

Monk Miroku-sama

Rest in peace

Loyal friend, and Beloved Houshi-sama

 

 

I know that will never happen now.