InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Let's Get Sesshoumaru Laid! ❯ Sesshoumaru and Sango ( Chapter 3 )

A/N: Yes, I know this took me forever! But I have good reasons. One, believe it or not, Sango is one of my least favorite characters! Not because I don't like her, but because she just seems `there' at times. After the exterminator arch, she basically existed to provide another useful fighter with the added bonus of fan service (that leather armor is pretty spiffy, and I should know; my boyfriend tried to talk me into making an Exterminator Sango costume for Expo next year. Of course that was only after he was unable to convince me to get a Trinity vinyl costume) Sango didn't really become a noticeable character to me again until the Kohaku incident. Later on, I began to appreciate her a little more as she opened up to the group. I looked forward to how she would always have those sweet romantic moments with Miroku, how he would always ruin the moment by grabbing her ass, and how she would slap him silly for it. Only ONCE in the entire series have I actually seen her go after Miroku with the boomerang (I haven't seen all of it, bastard keeps kicking me off on Kazaa, but I'm somewhere in the seventies and I have a few AMVs.) Still, I find her character much more intriguing in fan fiction where it is often exaggerated a bit or delved into so deeply, writers start pulling stuff out of their ass (in my humble opinion.) But I don't mind because I don't agree with the OOC label anyway, and I sometimes read fanfics because of the OOC. No offense to anyone who `loves' Sango. I just don't feel her as much as other characters in the series. That made this segment DIFFCULT to write! Also, after months of perfect health, I caught a 24 hr stomach bug a few days ago. Figures, I get sick and get inspired to write humor. Crazy. Anyway, I'll end my drab rant since sometimes I think I'm the only ninny on the site who reads peoples A/N anyway. Enjoy my brain sweat!

 

Disclaimer: Anime Expo left quite a dent in my bank account and they weren't selling the rights there either.

 

INFO: I now post update info on my bio. Check it out for the pairing order. Votes are still on for who you want me to pair Sesshy with next. I'm just writing this fic randomly and I plan to do everyone anyway. Remember, no Sess/Rin or repeats. THIS IS NOT A ROMANCE FIC!

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Chapter 3: Sesshoumaru and Sango

 

By Kenkaya

 

Sango felt warm. Wincing as a ray of intense sunlight hit her closed lids, she turned over with a suppressed groan. God, her head hurt, perhaps she'd sleep in a little more. Assuming Inuyasha would let her, that is. She felt something soft and warm beside her, instinctively curling up against it. She began to dose off, until a muscled arm wrapped itself casually around her waist, a single hand coming to rest right on the curve of her buttocks. Her mind kick-started into alert mode, automatic assumptions overriding the observation that the hand was actually clawed.

 

“HOUSHI-SAMA! YOU GODDAMN PERVERT!” Sango screamed, snapping her eyes open and kneeing the body next to her where it hurts a man most. She jumped up on the bed in fighting stance, giving a fierce battle cry reminisce of `Xena, Warrior Princess' as she prepared to punish Miroku for his insolence.

 

Needless to say, she was quite surprised to find her assailant was not a bugged eyed Miroku. Sesshoumaru lay on the bed in a fetal position, clutching his family jewels protectively. His amber eyes glowed with an undertone of deep red.

 

“What. The. HELL. Was. That. For. Bitch!” Sesshoumaru hissed dangerously, enunciating each word. Sango wasn't paying attention. Her eyes were too busy scanning his nude form, followed by her own unclad body. A brief connection in her brain analyzed the past days events in comparison to her own. She visibly paled.

 

“Oh my, God---” she whispered.

 

At that moment the others burst through the shoji, Miroku in the lead. The monk skidded to a halt, mouth open in paralyzing shock. Sango was standing naked on a bed in battle stance. His eyes blanked, trying desperately to recount every fantasy he had about the exterminator that started with her in this exact position. He secretly stashed the scene safely among them since it was obvious he had not woken up yet. He wanted to be able to enjoy his little musings later.

 

“S--- Sango-chan,” Kagome gasped behind him. Miroku turned to face her in a daze.

 

What were Kagome and Inuyasha doing in his sexual fantasies?

 

“Goddamn woman! Did you have to kick me THERE?” Sesshoumaru grunted. Now every guy, as a universal rule, knows what another man means when he says he was kicked THERE. Inuyasha flinched. Not even his brother deserved to be kicked THERE. Miroku winced on reflex. He had a few bad experiences with THERE himself. Kagome just rolled her eyes. It couldn't possibly hurt THAT much.

 

“Sesshoumaru--- you--- you--- pervert,” Sango fumed, at a loss for words.

 

Miroku did a quick back track right then and there. Forget Kagome and Inuyasha, what the Hell was Sesshoumaru doing in his fantasies?!

 

“Sango-chan,” Kagome began hesitantly. “Are you alright? We woke up to your screaming and you weren't in the room. Miroku was with us so we knew it wasn't him--- we thought maybe it was one of the innkeepers sons or something---”

 

“DO I LOOK OKAY?!” Sango all but screeched. Miroku examined the scene before him and everything suddenly clicked. Cold fury took over his features.

 

“Sesshoumaru!” the dog youkai in question looked up to see a monk in a dress was challenging him. “My name is Miroku the Houshi. You violated the love of my life. Prepare to die!” Inuyasha rushed forward in an uncharacteristic display of common sense to restrain the half-crazed monk from pulling an Inigo Montoya.

 

“I'll kill you!” Sango declared with a finger pointed dramatically at Sesshoumaru, apparently unaware of Miroku's attempted defense of her honor. “By this weapon, Hiraikotsu,” she began groping for the weapon, “I will end your life, youkai!” She turned around, wondering just where her weapon was. There were her clothes, and his, Tenseiga, Toukijin, but no big ass boomerang. “Hiraikotsu!” she cried desperately. “Where's my Hiraikotsu?! My precious baby! It's gone! I'm helpless!” Sango broke down in noisy sobs.

 

“I knew there was something weird between her and that boomerang,” Miroku stated in his normal tone. Sesshoumaru nodded in agreement before the short lived comradeship was forgotten. They glared daggers at each other.

 

“Miroku,” Inuyasha said from behind the monk. “As much as I'd love to see you pound my brother's pansy ass, I really don't think his ass is going to be the one getting the smack down if you try.”

 

“Nice to know you at least acknowledge my superiority, hanyou,” Sesshoumaru scoffed. “As crudely as you do it.”

 

“Shut up!” Inuyasha snapped.

 

“Hiraikotsu!” Sango wailed. Kagome, feeling pretty damn useless, just scooted discreetly forward to comfort Sango in the background.

 

“Now, now, Sango-chan. It's only a boomerang. I'm sure we can return to your village and you can make another one.”

 

“It's not JUST A BOOMERANG!” Sango cried. “I need to punish him! Houshi-sama's the only person allowed to touch me and live!”

 

Miroku was speechless at Sango's not so subtle confession. Sesshoumaru, never passing up an opportunity to piss off his brother, ruined the moment by reached over to Kagome as she hugged the woman's shoulders and flipping up her pleated skirt.

 

“KYAAAAAA!” the schoolgirl shrieked, holding down the raised article of clothing.

 

Immediately, the arm lock holding back Miroku disappeared. A red and white blur rushed forward, sword already drawn.

 

“Do us all a favor and fuck YOURSELF next time, Sesshoumaru!” Inuyasha yelled as he brought down Tessaiga. Sesshoumaru rolled out of the way, inwardly cringed at the mental image that his brother's taunt had left him with.

 

“Much as I hate to disappoint you, BROTHER,” Sesshoumaru spat with obvious, if dry, sarcasm. “I assure you, I am enjoying this no more than any of you.”

 

“You slept with Sango!” Miroku screamed. “How is that not qualified as enjoyable?! Hell, I've been fantasizing about it for months!”

 

“Get your perverted thoughts out of the gutter!” Sango shouted on reflex before returning back to her mournful cries for Hiraikotsu. Kagome pat her shoulder in a comforting gesture, scooting to the side out of Sesshoumaru's reach.

 

“And you say I have woman problems,” Inuyasha snorted at the lecherous priest.

 

“Shut up.”

 

“You two can have the wenches. God, I probable smell like one of them now,” Sesshoumaru wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Filthy humans.”

 

“If you hate humans so much, why do you let that little girl follow you?” Kagome questioned reasonable.

 

“Rin is not a human,” Sesshoumaru sniffed.

 

“Then what the Hell else is she?!” Inuyasha butted in.

 

“Rin is Rin.”

 

“That makes absolutely no fucking sense!”

 

“Uh--- I have to agree with Inuyasha, minus the curse words,” Kagome sweat-dropped.

 

“Hear, hear,” Miroku added.

 

“Hiraikotsu!” Sango wailed.

 

“Uh--- you're not over that yet?” Kagome laughed sheepishly.

 

“Always knew there was something weird about that boomerang.”

 

“I think you've already established that, Miroku,” Inuyasha snapped.

 

“And apparently, my plight is no longer any of your concern,” Sesshoumaru sighed. “Has everyone failed to notice that I SLEPT with a HUMAN? Is my pain of no relevance? The woman has absolutely nothing to piss and moan about. If anything, her reputation will be boosted because she had the prestige to `pleasure' the Lord of the Western Lands. Mine on the other hand---”

 

“Alright, you self-absorbed asshole,” Sango hissed, the youkai's little speech finally pushing her out of her mood. “First of all, I never had any desire to `pleasure' a man with the body of a female gymnast, not to mention the face to match. Second of all, because of YOU, I'm sore as Hell---“

 

“Not surprising,” Miroku noted with a clinical tone as he examined Sesshoumaru closely. “Amazing, cut him off at the knees and call him a tripod.”

 

“Miroku,” Inuyasha choked in a voice that strongly suggested physical sickness. “If you EVER use that phrase again in front of me to describe Sesshoumaru, I'll rip your Goddamn throat out myself.”

 

“Understood.”

 

“You have to admit,” Kagome said uneasily. “He is BIG where it counts, even if the rest of him doesn't quite fit---”

 

“KaGoMe!” Inuyasha whined.

 

“Oh, sorry.”

 

“What's the matter, hanyou? Afraid your woman will not be satisfied with your measly member now that she's had a taste of this? I wouldn't really blame her.”

 

“My size is not up for discussion!”

 

“But you can't match up, can you?”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

“Now, now; you're not to blame for your `inept anatomy,' Inuyasha. It's all a matter of breeding.”

 

“I don't think you have much basis for that argument, Sesshoumaru,” Kagome interrupted, seeing that Inuyasha was fingering Tessaiga and didn't seem apt to exchange anymore words. “I was drugged, remember? I don't remember a thing.”

 

“You remembered that he was a premature ejaculator,” Miroku offered helpfully. Kagome blushed a deep crimson.

 

“Thank you for that wonderful flashback, Miroku,” Inuyasha hissed dangerously through his fangs.

 

“My pleasure.”

 

“For propriety sake, I'm going to pretend I didn't notice that pun,” Sesshoumaru declared. Kagome's face, if possible, went redder.

 

“I'm SO glad we decided to leave Shippou back in the room with Kirara this time,” she muttered. And on cue---

 

“KAAAAAAGOOOOMEEEEEE?! Did you find Sango?”

 

“Oh no!”

 

“Shit!”

 

“He can't see me like this!”

 

“The flower of youth is shed much too quickly.”

 

“This should prove intriguing.”

 

“Kagome? Sango?” the kitsune halted right outside the shoji which, thankfully, had shut behind them in their mad rush.

 

“We're--- we're fine! Sango's fine! Don't come in!”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“VERY SURE!”

 

“Yes--- do you hear me, Shippou? I'm perfectly fine. Just go turn around now and walk back to our room. Pretty please?”

 

“I smell Sesshoumaru in there!”

 

The door slid open a crack.

 

“Fuck!” Inuyasha dove forward to hold the door shut. Naturally, he plowed right through it instead. Shippou stood wide-eyed. Kagome eeped and dashed forward, leading the young kit away.

 

“Did Sesshoumaru fuck Sango this time?” a loud, childish voice echoed through the halls. Inuyasha swore, Miroku sighed regretfully, Sango was mortified, and Lord Sesshoumaru merely looked on in amusement.

 

“I--- I'm leaving,” Sango huffed, picking up her discarded clothing and exiting the room.

 

Well, that was interesting.”

 

“Now, I will kill you.”

 

“I'll join you,” a more than fed up Inuyasha seconded.

 

“NAKED WOMAN!”

 

“Everybody, line up. You'll all get your turn.”

 

“I HATE MY LIFE!” the distinct voice of a very upset youkai exterminator sounded.

 

“Damn it! I have to go help her,” Miroku cursed.

 

“I'll pound him for you!” Inuyasha called as the door closed. He turned around to see the youkai lord, and his possessions, were no longer in the room. “Damn you, Sesshoumaru!” he bellowed. “You won't get away next time!”

 

Meanwhile in the woods, a now fully clothed Sesshoumaru strode towards his camp. He really needed to find the culprit and rip him a new asshole before he let out his anger on someone else.

 

“Sesshoumaru-sama! Oh, Sesshoumaru-sama! I was sooooo worried when I didn't see you in camp this morning! Did you get into a battle with some vicious youkai? Was it the baboon-guy or that hanyou, Inuyasha? Oh, Sesshoumaru-sama is so strong, bravely defeating such opponents!”

 

“Jaken.”

 

“Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama!”

 

“You are annoying me. Die.”