InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Lolita: Sesshomaru and Rin ❯ Reunion ( Chapter 19 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

(Rin's P.O.V.)

Rin is ashamed-no, I am ashamed. Dammit. I've gotta lose that habit of speaking in third person-it's another piece of Sesshomaru that's embedded in me that I don't want.

And yet, I now have no choice but to turn to him for help. I am pathetic, but I can't just stand here and watch Kohaku struggle to try to support me.

His eyes widened a bit, the only sign of his shock as he took in my increased height, longer hair, glasses, and my large, round belly, making my pregnancy obvious. He hasn't really changed much.

"Is your husband at home?" He asked, his fist in his pocket.

The look in his eyes almost made me drop to my knees and cry. This man, he violated me, trapped me and used me...but he was my father. He was the one who took care of me and kept me alive for two to three years, and when you've been with someone for that long, a bond forms between the two of you that you cannot deny no matter how unhealthy the relationship was.

I looked in his eyes, and I asked myself if I could hate this man because of what he'd done to me, because he'd molested me.

No.

I don't hate him. I can't.

And by his stare, I can tell that he cannot hate me either, even though I deceived him and ran away from him. During those years, he came to see pieces of the person that I was that was a striking contrast to whatever image of me he had built in his mind. And I know that he isn't just an abuser-there's much more to an individual than their crimes, however bad they may be.

If not for the physical desires and abuse of the body, could we have seen each other for the human beings that we were and formed a solid relationship-a platonic, pure love devoid of anything carnal, the way that love should be?

Maybe. But we didn't, and time doesn't go backwards. It's too late for that.

"Come in." I said, keeping my cheerful mask on, flattening my stomach the best that I could. I closed the door, keeping the dog out, and had Sesshomaru follow me into the parlor. I pointed down the stairway. "Kohaku's down there."

His gaze followed my finger, and I felt a bit nervous as his eyes rested on my husband. A hint of something feral, something cruel flashed in his eyes briefly, and I sighed in relief when it disappeared.

"...That's not the person that I'm looking for." said Sesshomaru, realizing something.

This confused me. Who had he been looking for? "Who?"

"Where is he?" He turned to look at me. "The man that signed you out of the hospital."

"Don't bring that up now."

"I just did." His glare is icy and strong as always.

My shield against it was not as strong as it used to be, as we'd been apart for two years, and I faltered and looked away. "Listen, Kohaku doesn't know a single thing about us, so please don't bring him into this. He thinks that you're my father." I bit my lip, nervous. "Poor Kohaku. He thinks that I ran away from some rich family just to wash dishes in a diner. He'll believe almost anything, so please don't make this hard for me."

"His name." Sesshomaru cut me short.

That kind of startled me. "I thought you already knew. How can you not know it by now? It was Naraku."

Sesshomaru looked at me unmoving like he was frozen stiff and glued to the spot. His eyes weren't exactly on mine, and I could tell that he was contemplating how the hell he could've missed that.

"That Naraku. He was the only man I'd ever really been crazy about." I recalled.

"What about Kohaku?"

"Kohaku is a sweetie, and we're happy together." I assured. "But...I don't know, I'm talking about something different-an emotion more passionate."

He chuckled quietly. "And of course, I never counted, right?"

I sniffed. Of course he didn't. Did it take him that long to figure this out? Whatever affection that I had for him had disappeared and was replaced by disgust the minute that he decided to use my body, under the illusion that I wouldn't figure anything out, trying to trick me. "Please, leave the past in the past. You were a decent father, okay?" Well, that was a lie.

He exhaled quietly. "Continue."

"Naraku knew my mother." I admitted. "He visited us sometimes while he came in town to see his uncle, Onigumo. He had the nerve to pull me onto his lap and kiss my cheek in a club in front of everyone one time when I was ten. Ooh, I hated him for that, but...from then on he kind of stuck with me." I shut my eyes. "He wrote the play that I starred in. I shouldn't have tricked you into believing that he was a woman, but that was my only choice at the time. I had to escape."

There were shuffling sounds from the kitchen, and I guessed that Kohaku had come in, searching for a beer.

"Hey, Kohaku! This is dad!" I called.

My husband dutifully walked into the room, and not even noticing the scrutinizing way in which Sesshomaru glared at him, reached his hand out for him to shake it, thinking that this was just another instance where he had to impress a girl's father.

"There's a spare mattress in the kitchen. Maybe we could bring that out?" Kohaku said, mistakenly thinking that Sesshomaru had come here to stay.

I shook my head gently at him. "No, he just dropped in on his way to see a friend."

Kohaku returned to the kitchen, still clueless. Sesshomaru dropped his gaze fom my husband, almost like he was ashamed for suspecting someone so naive and innocent.

"So, where did you go after you betrayed me?" asked Sesshomaru, prompting me to continue.

"I didn't betray you. I escaped a fate that you forced on me against my will." I lit up a cigarette-yes, little Lo was now a smoker. "After I ran, Naraku took me to his ranch where I lived with his friends. God, that man is a genius. He was always smiling, always full of fun." I couldn't help but smirk a bit at my fond memories. "He laughed when I told him about you and me. Said he suspected it."

"In September, he was gonna take me to Hollywood to try out for some tennis match scene in a movie that was based on a play of his. But...it never happened. He was a great guy, but also kind of weird. Him and all of his friends were into the weirdest things when it came to sex! And me, I was in love with only him, so I refused to participate." I stifled another sad sigh. "And well, he threw me out."

"What weird things?" asked Sesshomaru.

"I'd rather not talk about that with the baby inside me right now." I patted my stomach proudly and exhaled the air from my cigarette. "Anyway, after he threw me out, I found jobs in restauraunts waiting tables, and eventually I met Kohaku. I don't know where he is now. Maybe in New York?"

I felt like some huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders, and I leaned back in my chair, contemplating. At the time, I thought that Naraku was so much different from Sesshomaru. He was so much more open with his emotions and as an actress myself, I admired all the work he did.

But was he really?

Or was he just smarter with his seduction, and just more cunning and skilled at manipulation than Sesshomaru was?

"Lolita." Suddenly I heard him call me that again. The name that I hadn't heard in years-my slave name. "Come with me."

I raised an eyebrow. Well, just one more time wouldn't be so bad, right? We needed the money. "You mean, to come with you to a motel?"

"No. I mean to leave Kohaku and come live with me."

I stared at him, and my jaw dropped wide open. So not just once, but continued? No amount of money on Earth is worth that! He wants me to relive that torture again, the torture I'd worked all these years to be free from?

"You're crazy."

There is so much guilt in his eyes, and I knew that my previous deduction had been correct. Throughout the years, he'd come to see bits of me as a human being, and now he felt remorse and pity.

I could've just said yes, left this life where I had to work hard but had a good, loving, faithful husband and become his abused, brainwashed sex slave again.

But no.

I am stronger than that now, and I know where real value is-in the heart, not in money, and there is no amount of money that could make me leave the stability that I'd found. I have self-worth now, a normal life where I am not under anyone's control and I am learning the value of being an independent woman who is working hard and seeing the fruit of her honest labor. I shook my head at him firmly-he needed to learn those values too.

He needed to stop chasing things of the flesh and learn to appreciate what actually matters in life, and stop destroying himself and those around him. The look in his eyes told me that he'd gotten the message.

"Think it over, Lolita." The slave name again. "Anyway, you're still gonna get your money."

"What?"

He handed me an envelope with four hundred in cash, then got to writing a check for three thousand six hundred more. I couldn't believe it. What was he doing? And yet, I am in no position to turn it away.

"Wait." I grabbed his wrist as he started to walk away. "So you're just gonna give us four thousand and leave?"

"Don't touch me." He shrugged me away. "Don't touch me unless you plan to come with me."

"No. No." I had absolutely no doubt about that. "Naraku may have broken my heart but...you destroyed my life, stole my childhood and ruined my mind. I'll never be the same again as long as I live. Do you...do you think that this is gonna redeem you or something? You really think that you can make up for what you did by giving me money?"

He stared at a spot on the wall, thinking. "Whether it redeems me or not does not matter."

What was this? What was he saying? Did this mean that I was the bad guy all along, because he was willing to give me this money? Somehow I doubt it, though I know that some sick people wouldn't be above saying that.

I wiped a tear that was falling from my right eye and put out my cigarette. This money would settle my problems. Kohaku wouldn't need to work so hard. The dog next to me danced for some reason, like it could sense my relief.

What really made me happy, though, wasn't the money. It was the fact that he was able to take responsibility for his actions instead of pushing them away, denying them and trying to blame others-namely me.

"Goodbye." I said softly as I watched him drive away.

I have not only escaped, but I am free. Truly free.


(A/N: I'd like to note that even if Sesshomaru had ceased having sexual contact with Rin, it still wouldn't have been appropriate at all for her to go back to him. Even if "he isn't doing it anymore", the memories are still there, the feelings are still there, and the trauma is still there, and each others' presence only makes it worse. I've seen girls returned to their abusers under the promise that "it won't happen again", but even in the extremely, extremely rare case that something did change, just the abuser's presence there in her life was enough the scar the girl's mind and mess her up for the rest of her life.

And while it's a good thing that he can realize what he's done and take it like a man, I am sure you would agree that no amount of money can ever make up for sexual abuse/statutory rape. And while he, like anybody that's been with someone for a long time, has come to feel genuine care for Rin like any human being does for another, that definitely does not excuse him and he should get what's coming to him. And it DEFINITEY does not make him a "good guy" or a "victim", and does not make Rin the "villain" for escaping him.)