InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Lolita: Sesshomaru and Rin ❯ Infatuation ( Chapter 3 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: animetributes 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 02.04.2016 | Pages: 6 | Words: 3.2K | Visits: 533 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 02.04.2016 | Pages: 6 | Words: 3.2K | Visits: 533 | Status: Completed
(A/N: Okay, so far, really, the biggest challenge was changing
Humbert's style of writing to what I think would be more like
Sesshomaru's. Like you already know, this is something he's written
himself in jail while on trial for something.
But Humbert is a very...artistic person with a flair for words and language, and he writes in prose all the time. His memoir describes disgusting events with such poetic-ness, it even manages to mask what's really going on at some points.
I seriously do NOT think Sesshomaru would write like that. He is not the artistic, over-sensitive character that Humbert is. But at the same time, I couldn't write it in the unemotional, stoic, cold tone I think Sesshomaru would've used. So, I tried my best. Sorry if the narrative is still weird for some readers.)
Kagome and I did not have a very expressive relationship. At the most, we had some cozy evenings together going out to movies and boxing matches.
As much as her personality resembled that of a child, I was reminded nightly that she herself was not. I touched her when I needed to. There was a grocer next door who had a little daughter who drove me mad; luckily, Kagome provided a legal outlet to my predicament.
One summer, I was offered a job in the States for an annual income of a few thousand dollars (A/N: The story takes place some time ago, back then this was enough, I guess.). I welcomed the news because, by then, I felt like my life needed a shake up.
It seemed that years of dull marriage had taken its toll on both of us. During the past few weeks, Kagome was not her usual self; she was more restless than usual and much easier to anger. When I told her that we were going to sail to New York, she looked very distressed. Something about her passport.
I didn't find out the real reason behind her change in behavior until a few days later, when we were coming out of an office building with her papers in order. Kagome walked by my side and just shook her head vigorously, not saying a word. At first I just ignored her, not knowing what was going on. But soon I needed some kind of explanation.
"Kagome." I called. "What is with you?"
"Oh, Sesshomaru, Sesshomaru. I-I can't go with you." She stopped walking. "There's another man in my life."
Her words shook me. Not because I was very attached to her or was "afraid" of losing her, but because she had disrespected and disgraced me in a disgusting way. I honestly wanted to beat her up right then and there where we stood. If not for my superhuman will, I might have done so.
But this Sesshomaru is above such petty behavior. I just ushered her into a taxi and quietly demanded that she explain the matter in more detail. I wanted to know her lover's name. She didn't answer. I asked again, multiple times, but she just kept babbling on about an immediate divorce. Finally I had to shout at her.
"Kagome!" I struck her firmly but gently on the knee. "This Sesshomaru asked you a question."
She just stared at me blankly before finally answering. "Your brother."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
The next day, Inuyasha came by to help Kagome move out of my house and in with him. I had not seen my half-brother in years. I did not intend to see him at all, ever, but the circumstances demanded it.
Both of them were nervous. Inuyasha looked a bit guilt-stricken; I guess he knew that Kagome was married to me. What a disgrace.
"S-So, um." He cleared his throat and scratched behind his ear. "Nice to see you again. How have you been?"
I did not answer him; instead I just gave him a cold glare that made most people run away. He snarled.
"You know, you could at least try to talk or say something! It's not like I-"
"Inuyasha, stop." Kagome put her hand on his arm. "Let's just...start packing."
"Immediately." I added.
I never saw or heard from Kagome or Inuyasha again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Although the divorce delayed my schedule, I did finally make it to New York. The job consisted mainly of thinking up and editing perfume ads. I also taught history of French literature for English students at a university nearby.
I don't know why, or how it happened, but somewhere down the line, a breakdown sent me to a sanitorium for more than a year. I went back to my work only to be hospitalized again.
But there was an interesting discovery I made during my stay; that there is great amusement in toying with psychiatrists. You can lead them on, invent elaborate dreams for them to try to decipher, never let them know what you're really thinking, all while letting them think that they're the ones in control when it's really you who calls the shots.
I bribed a nurse and won access to some of my files and discovered cards saying that I was "potentially homosexual" and "totally impotent." They did not have a single clue what my sexual predicament really was.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After I signed out, I went to New England to start working again. A retired man suggested that I spend a few months in his residence because his wife was looking for someone to rent the upper story of their home. They had two daughters; a baby and a twelve-year-old, and a beautiful garden not far away from a lake. I told them that it sounded perfect.
I exchanged letters with them, fantasizing about the nymphets that I would come across. But when my train had reached its destination, nobody came to greet me. I called them and no one answered the telephone.
He did eventually turn up; distraught, wet, and with the news that his house had just burned down. His family had fled to a farm that he owned, but there was a friend of his across the street named Sara who had offered to accommodate me instead.
Well, now the reason for my traveling here was gone. I was upset, but did not show it. This was my only option at the moment.
The house was dingy and old; its white coat of paint fading to grey. The front door was decorated with chimes; the inside of the house was decorated with numerous Mexican pieces of "art" if you could call it that.
"Is it you? Mr. Sesshomaru?" A deep female voice called from the top of the staircase. I presumed that this was Sara.
She was in her middle thirties, about my age. Her forehead was shiny and her eyebrows were overplucked; her eyes very wide-set and avoiding yours. A cigarette hung limply from her lips, and she smiled a smile of a quizzical jerk of an eyebrow.
I could not be happy here in this kind of house. However, I had given my word, so I went on with the ordeal.
"I see that you are not too impressed." Sara commented. "I confess that this is not a very neat household but I assure you, you will be very comfortable. Let me show you the garden."
I reluctantly followed her downstairs again, and then outside until we saw the greenery. However, it wasn't the garden that caught my attention.
Suddenly, without any warning whatsoever, it was like I was a child in Riviera again. I saw ebony black hair, long, slender limbs, a supple, bare back...and I almost called her by her name-until she turned her head and I did not see ruby red eyes and cherry lips, but deep chocolate brown ones and lips the color of ripe peaches.
Not my Kagura, no. But this was the moment that I first saw the girl who would soon become my Lolita.
Sara and I walked deeper into the garden. My knees felt like water; my mouth became dry and parched.
"That was my daughter Rin." she said. "And these are my lilies. Aren't they beautiful?"
I blinked before turning to answer her. "Beautiful. Yes, beautiful."
She didn't know that I wasn't talking about the flowers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
Reader. This Sesshomaru will now present you with a series of entries from my diary around that time.
Thursday- From the bathroom window, I saw Rin taking things off a clothesline behind the house. After a while, she sat down next to me on the lower step of the back porch and picked up the pebbles between her feet and chucked them at a can.
It appeared that she was playing some sort of game, trying to hit the can. Is she aware of the game that she is playing with me?
Her skin is marvelous. Junk food causes blemishes, but she has none, despite hording unhealthy food by the gallons. Only a few lovely freckles.
Friday- I saw her going somewhere with a friend of hers named Shiori. Why am I so excited by the way that a mere child walks? I can't help but analyze her turned-in toes, the ghost of a drag in her steps.
Her speech. Crude and filled with slang. Yet fascinating and teasing.
Saturday- I strategically took a seat in the piazza rocker before Lo arrived. To my disappointment, she arrived with her mother, both wearing black two-piece bathing suits.
For a moment, she stood near me, and she smelled so much like Kagura, but with rougher overtones. Then she retreated to her mat near Sara.
She lay on her stomach reading comic books. Her shoulder blades are slightly raised, her various girlish movements seduced me until Sara suddenly spoiled everything by turning to me and asking for a light.
Sunday- We were gonna go to Our Glass Lake this afternoon, but it began to rain around noon and Rin threw a tantrum.
I've been reading up; apparently, to the writers on the sex interests of children, I have all the characteristics that stir responses in a growing girl that has just entered puberty and is beginning to discover sexuality. Moreover, I am said to resemble some actor or whatever that Rin seems to have a crush on.
Monday- Sara was out shopping, and I was alone with Rin. She was in her mother's bedroom, trying to get rid of something in her left eye. I held her by the shoulders and turned her around.
"It's right there." said Lo. "Rin can feel it. Lick it out?"
I blinked. "Should I?"
"Sure."
I gently pressed my tongue along her quivering, salty eyeball.
"Oh good! It's gone." She chirped.
"Now the other one?"
"What? There's nothing the-" She stopped when she noticed me already approaching. "...Okay."
I pressed my mouth to her eyelid; she laughed and brushed past me out of the room. My heart seemed everywhere at once. Aching. I tried to visualize her, to be able to describe her-but I couldn't, because my own desire blinds me whenever she is near.
Tuesday- The three of us sat on the piazza, watching the sunset. Sara was talking about some movie that she had seen with Lolita while the nymphet herself had squeezed herself in between us.
I started talking about my "adventures" just to stall them. I'm no good at conversation since I rarely speak, but this allowed me to take advantage of the gestures that I made while speaking and gently brush against Rin somehow, touch her, stroke her-and I kept myself going as long as I could.
One in a while, I would give her a quick "nuzzle", and feel my lips against her hair. It was hopeless though.
"I think it's bedtime, Rin." Sara announced.
Rin made a face. "And I think you stink."
"Oh? I guess that means there's no picnic tomorrow."
"Fuck you!"
After she left, Sara took it upon herself to complain to me about Rin and how much trouble she was. Apparently, she was a villain at one and kept throwing her toys out of the crib so that her poor mother had to keep picking them up.
Now, at age twelve, her grades were bad and she did nothing but run around all day.
The woman holds an abnormal amount of resentment for her daughter.
Wednesday- I'd been leaving the door open while writing for quite a few days now; today the trap worked. Lolita came in to see what I was writing.
I put my arm around her in a miserable imitation of a blood-relationship; and my innocent visitor sank to a half-sitting position on my knee. I knew that now, I could kiss her throat or the wick of her mouth and she would let me do so. I don't know how, or why, but I do know that I caught changes in her respiration.
She was not really looking at my writing, but waiting for me with curiosity and composure!
Too bad that just then, Sara began yelling about something that died in the basement and Lolita was too curious to miss it.
Thursday- Sara said that she wanted to go downtown to get a present for a friend of hers or something, and wanted me to come along with her since I had worked in the perfume industry before.
Before leaving, we heard Lolita's voice from inside the car.
"Hey, where are you going?" She shouted. "Rin wants to come!"
"Ignore her." Sara said as she hurriedly put her foot on the gas; however, Rin was already pulling at the door on my side.
Sara sighed. "This is intolerable!" Rin had already scrambled in.
"Hey, you!" She said to me. "Move your ass, you!"
"Lo!" Sara cried as she glanced at me, hoping I would throw her out. "You-you are so ridiculous! How can you act like this when you know you're unwanted and need a bath?"
Rin sat on my lap throughout the ride. She sat on my lap.
Friday- I long for some disaster; some sort of disease, maybe. So that Sara would be eliminated and I would be free to enjoy Lolita among the ruins as she whimpers in my arms. I fantasize about her death.
Later, Sara announced that since the weather was going to be nice, we should finally get to Our Glass Lake on Sunday after church. I lay in bed musing and scheming about how to profit from the picnic to come.
(A/N: (A/N: What Sesshomaru says about the psychiatrists is, unfortunately, very true. Take it from someone who's had over 30 different ones. Foster children are required by law to be in therapy in Maryland; and every time I changed placements, I got a new therapist. Those degrees mean absolutely nothing. In order to understand subjects such as the ones they're trying to understand, you have to have experienced it.
Very often, Sesshomaru says that Rin was unaware of what he was doing when he was "secretly" feeling her up, trying to make it look like something else.
On the contrary. I know for a fact that she was completely aware that there was something completely wrong going on; but she didn't know how to explain it, was frightened of it, and really didn't know how to prove it, so she didn't say anything.
Also, she may have wanted to pretend it wasn't happening. She was trying to deny what was happening, trying to pretend otherwise because it's what she wanted to believe. It's easier to believe that it's a figment of your imagination rather than to believe that someone is trying to "secretly" molest you. It also feels better. It's reassuring.
Plus, is she reacted, her mother would have-you guessed it-gone against her.
Sesshomaru thinks that her "sudden change in respiration" was out of "curiosity and composure" and she was "waiting for him". FALSE. She was SCARED OUT OF HER FUCKING MIND AND SHE FROZE, not knowing how to react.
When Sara began yelling and Rin bolted out the door-that wasn't because Rin was "curious about it" like Sesshomaru thought. No, no, NO. She was provided with an opportunity to escape, and she TOOK IT.
Victims of pedophilia-especially of the incest type- YOU KNOW DAMN WELL that's the reality, because you have had the very same thing happen to you, and you reacted the same way. You know what it feels like. You understand. Don't try to deny it or make excuses for your abusers. Living a lie and fooling yourself, making yourself believe something in order to pretend happiness may be easier on you, but on the long run, it will fucking DESTROY you. Wake the fuck up and stop excusing the people who are raping you and CALL IT WHAT IT IS. RAPE.
Also note that when Sesshomaru describes Rin, he never says anything about her mind, attitude, or who she is as an individual. He only notes her physical traits and "nymphet" qualities. She is not a person to him, though he has yet to realize that. Just like men who become attracted to girls as soon as they hit puberty have changed their attitudes NOT because of any solid mental or spiritual change, but PHYSICAL changes that call out to their biology.
And what is that, when you focus only on someone's physical attributes and never their spirit? Do you call that love? That's only lust. Lust alone, without love-it is not romance. And when coming from a grown, experienced adult, directed towards a child who is just developing hormones and is very confused about things that involve sexuality, and is "experimenting"-like people do when they're new to sexuality-what is that?
That is taking advantage of the other person's inexperience and lack of knowledge and using it to your own benefit. Which is why, whether you have the child's consent or not, it's called statutory RAPE.)
But Humbert is a very...artistic person with a flair for words and language, and he writes in prose all the time. His memoir describes disgusting events with such poetic-ness, it even manages to mask what's really going on at some points.
I seriously do NOT think Sesshomaru would write like that. He is not the artistic, over-sensitive character that Humbert is. But at the same time, I couldn't write it in the unemotional, stoic, cold tone I think Sesshomaru would've used. So, I tried my best. Sorry if the narrative is still weird for some readers.)
Kagome and I did not have a very expressive relationship. At the most, we had some cozy evenings together going out to movies and boxing matches.
As much as her personality resembled that of a child, I was reminded nightly that she herself was not. I touched her when I needed to. There was a grocer next door who had a little daughter who drove me mad; luckily, Kagome provided a legal outlet to my predicament.
One summer, I was offered a job in the States for an annual income of a few thousand dollars (A/N: The story takes place some time ago, back then this was enough, I guess.). I welcomed the news because, by then, I felt like my life needed a shake up.
It seemed that years of dull marriage had taken its toll on both of us. During the past few weeks, Kagome was not her usual self; she was more restless than usual and much easier to anger. When I told her that we were going to sail to New York, she looked very distressed. Something about her passport.
I didn't find out the real reason behind her change in behavior until a few days later, when we were coming out of an office building with her papers in order. Kagome walked by my side and just shook her head vigorously, not saying a word. At first I just ignored her, not knowing what was going on. But soon I needed some kind of explanation.
"Kagome." I called. "What is with you?"
"Oh, Sesshomaru, Sesshomaru. I-I can't go with you." She stopped walking. "There's another man in my life."
Her words shook me. Not because I was very attached to her or was "afraid" of losing her, but because she had disrespected and disgraced me in a disgusting way. I honestly wanted to beat her up right then and there where we stood. If not for my superhuman will, I might have done so.
But this Sesshomaru is above such petty behavior. I just ushered her into a taxi and quietly demanded that she explain the matter in more detail. I wanted to know her lover's name. She didn't answer. I asked again, multiple times, but she just kept babbling on about an immediate divorce. Finally I had to shout at her.
"Kagome!" I struck her firmly but gently on the knee. "This Sesshomaru asked you a question."
She just stared at me blankly before finally answering. "Your brother."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
The next day, Inuyasha came by to help Kagome move out of my house and in with him. I had not seen my half-brother in years. I did not intend to see him at all, ever, but the circumstances demanded it.
Both of them were nervous. Inuyasha looked a bit guilt-stricken; I guess he knew that Kagome was married to me. What a disgrace.
"S-So, um." He cleared his throat and scratched behind his ear. "Nice to see you again. How have you been?"
I did not answer him; instead I just gave him a cold glare that made most people run away. He snarled.
"You know, you could at least try to talk or say something! It's not like I-"
"Inuyasha, stop." Kagome put her hand on his arm. "Let's just...start packing."
"Immediately." I added.
I never saw or heard from Kagome or Inuyasha again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Although the divorce delayed my schedule, I did finally make it to New York. The job consisted mainly of thinking up and editing perfume ads. I also taught history of French literature for English students at a university nearby.
I don't know why, or how it happened, but somewhere down the line, a breakdown sent me to a sanitorium for more than a year. I went back to my work only to be hospitalized again.
But there was an interesting discovery I made during my stay; that there is great amusement in toying with psychiatrists. You can lead them on, invent elaborate dreams for them to try to decipher, never let them know what you're really thinking, all while letting them think that they're the ones in control when it's really you who calls the shots.
I bribed a nurse and won access to some of my files and discovered cards saying that I was "potentially homosexual" and "totally impotent." They did not have a single clue what my sexual predicament really was.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After I signed out, I went to New England to start working again. A retired man suggested that I spend a few months in his residence because his wife was looking for someone to rent the upper story of their home. They had two daughters; a baby and a twelve-year-old, and a beautiful garden not far away from a lake. I told them that it sounded perfect.
I exchanged letters with them, fantasizing about the nymphets that I would come across. But when my train had reached its destination, nobody came to greet me. I called them and no one answered the telephone.
He did eventually turn up; distraught, wet, and with the news that his house had just burned down. His family had fled to a farm that he owned, but there was a friend of his across the street named Sara who had offered to accommodate me instead.
Well, now the reason for my traveling here was gone. I was upset, but did not show it. This was my only option at the moment.
The house was dingy and old; its white coat of paint fading to grey. The front door was decorated with chimes; the inside of the house was decorated with numerous Mexican pieces of "art" if you could call it that.
"Is it you? Mr. Sesshomaru?" A deep female voice called from the top of the staircase. I presumed that this was Sara.
She was in her middle thirties, about my age. Her forehead was shiny and her eyebrows were overplucked; her eyes very wide-set and avoiding yours. A cigarette hung limply from her lips, and she smiled a smile of a quizzical jerk of an eyebrow.
I could not be happy here in this kind of house. However, I had given my word, so I went on with the ordeal.
"I see that you are not too impressed." Sara commented. "I confess that this is not a very neat household but I assure you, you will be very comfortable. Let me show you the garden."
I reluctantly followed her downstairs again, and then outside until we saw the greenery. However, it wasn't the garden that caught my attention.
Suddenly, without any warning whatsoever, it was like I was a child in Riviera again. I saw ebony black hair, long, slender limbs, a supple, bare back...and I almost called her by her name-until she turned her head and I did not see ruby red eyes and cherry lips, but deep chocolate brown ones and lips the color of ripe peaches.
Not my Kagura, no. But this was the moment that I first saw the girl who would soon become my Lolita.
Sara and I walked deeper into the garden. My knees felt like water; my mouth became dry and parched.
"That was my daughter Rin." she said. "And these are my lilies. Aren't they beautiful?"
I blinked before turning to answer her. "Beautiful. Yes, beautiful."
She didn't know that I wasn't talking about the flowers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
Reader. This Sesshomaru will now present you with a series of entries from my diary around that time.
Thursday- From the bathroom window, I saw Rin taking things off a clothesline behind the house. After a while, she sat down next to me on the lower step of the back porch and picked up the pebbles between her feet and chucked them at a can.
It appeared that she was playing some sort of game, trying to hit the can. Is she aware of the game that she is playing with me?
Her skin is marvelous. Junk food causes blemishes, but she has none, despite hording unhealthy food by the gallons. Only a few lovely freckles.
Friday- I saw her going somewhere with a friend of hers named Shiori. Why am I so excited by the way that a mere child walks? I can't help but analyze her turned-in toes, the ghost of a drag in her steps.
Her speech. Crude and filled with slang. Yet fascinating and teasing.
Saturday- I strategically took a seat in the piazza rocker before Lo arrived. To my disappointment, she arrived with her mother, both wearing black two-piece bathing suits.
For a moment, she stood near me, and she smelled so much like Kagura, but with rougher overtones. Then she retreated to her mat near Sara.
She lay on her stomach reading comic books. Her shoulder blades are slightly raised, her various girlish movements seduced me until Sara suddenly spoiled everything by turning to me and asking for a light.
Sunday- We were gonna go to Our Glass Lake this afternoon, but it began to rain around noon and Rin threw a tantrum.
I've been reading up; apparently, to the writers on the sex interests of children, I have all the characteristics that stir responses in a growing girl that has just entered puberty and is beginning to discover sexuality. Moreover, I am said to resemble some actor or whatever that Rin seems to have a crush on.
Monday- Sara was out shopping, and I was alone with Rin. She was in her mother's bedroom, trying to get rid of something in her left eye. I held her by the shoulders and turned her around.
"It's right there." said Lo. "Rin can feel it. Lick it out?"
I blinked. "Should I?"
"Sure."
I gently pressed my tongue along her quivering, salty eyeball.
"Oh good! It's gone." She chirped.
"Now the other one?"
"What? There's nothing the-" She stopped when she noticed me already approaching. "...Okay."
I pressed my mouth to her eyelid; she laughed and brushed past me out of the room. My heart seemed everywhere at once. Aching. I tried to visualize her, to be able to describe her-but I couldn't, because my own desire blinds me whenever she is near.
Tuesday- The three of us sat on the piazza, watching the sunset. Sara was talking about some movie that she had seen with Lolita while the nymphet herself had squeezed herself in between us.
I started talking about my "adventures" just to stall them. I'm no good at conversation since I rarely speak, but this allowed me to take advantage of the gestures that I made while speaking and gently brush against Rin somehow, touch her, stroke her-and I kept myself going as long as I could.
One in a while, I would give her a quick "nuzzle", and feel my lips against her hair. It was hopeless though.
"I think it's bedtime, Rin." Sara announced.
Rin made a face. "And I think you stink."
"Oh? I guess that means there's no picnic tomorrow."
"Fuck you!"
After she left, Sara took it upon herself to complain to me about Rin and how much trouble she was. Apparently, she was a villain at one and kept throwing her toys out of the crib so that her poor mother had to keep picking them up.
Now, at age twelve, her grades were bad and she did nothing but run around all day.
The woman holds an abnormal amount of resentment for her daughter.
Wednesday- I'd been leaving the door open while writing for quite a few days now; today the trap worked. Lolita came in to see what I was writing.
I put my arm around her in a miserable imitation of a blood-relationship; and my innocent visitor sank to a half-sitting position on my knee. I knew that now, I could kiss her throat or the wick of her mouth and she would let me do so. I don't know how, or why, but I do know that I caught changes in her respiration.
She was not really looking at my writing, but waiting for me with curiosity and composure!
Too bad that just then, Sara began yelling about something that died in the basement and Lolita was too curious to miss it.
Thursday- Sara said that she wanted to go downtown to get a present for a friend of hers or something, and wanted me to come along with her since I had worked in the perfume industry before.
Before leaving, we heard Lolita's voice from inside the car.
"Hey, where are you going?" She shouted. "Rin wants to come!"
"Ignore her." Sara said as she hurriedly put her foot on the gas; however, Rin was already pulling at the door on my side.
Sara sighed. "This is intolerable!" Rin had already scrambled in.
"Hey, you!" She said to me. "Move your ass, you!"
"Lo!" Sara cried as she glanced at me, hoping I would throw her out. "You-you are so ridiculous! How can you act like this when you know you're unwanted and need a bath?"
Rin sat on my lap throughout the ride. She sat on my lap.
Friday- I long for some disaster; some sort of disease, maybe. So that Sara would be eliminated and I would be free to enjoy Lolita among the ruins as she whimpers in my arms. I fantasize about her death.
Later, Sara announced that since the weather was going to be nice, we should finally get to Our Glass Lake on Sunday after church. I lay in bed musing and scheming about how to profit from the picnic to come.
(A/N: (A/N: What Sesshomaru says about the psychiatrists is, unfortunately, very true. Take it from someone who's had over 30 different ones. Foster children are required by law to be in therapy in Maryland; and every time I changed placements, I got a new therapist. Those degrees mean absolutely nothing. In order to understand subjects such as the ones they're trying to understand, you have to have experienced it.
Very often, Sesshomaru says that Rin was unaware of what he was doing when he was "secretly" feeling her up, trying to make it look like something else.
On the contrary. I know for a fact that she was completely aware that there was something completely wrong going on; but she didn't know how to explain it, was frightened of it, and really didn't know how to prove it, so she didn't say anything.
Also, she may have wanted to pretend it wasn't happening. She was trying to deny what was happening, trying to pretend otherwise because it's what she wanted to believe. It's easier to believe that it's a figment of your imagination rather than to believe that someone is trying to "secretly" molest you. It also feels better. It's reassuring.
Plus, is she reacted, her mother would have-you guessed it-gone against her.
Sesshomaru thinks that her "sudden change in respiration" was out of "curiosity and composure" and she was "waiting for him". FALSE. She was SCARED OUT OF HER FUCKING MIND AND SHE FROZE, not knowing how to react.
When Sara began yelling and Rin bolted out the door-that wasn't because Rin was "curious about it" like Sesshomaru thought. No, no, NO. She was provided with an opportunity to escape, and she TOOK IT.
Victims of pedophilia-especially of the incest type- YOU KNOW DAMN WELL that's the reality, because you have had the very same thing happen to you, and you reacted the same way. You know what it feels like. You understand. Don't try to deny it or make excuses for your abusers. Living a lie and fooling yourself, making yourself believe something in order to pretend happiness may be easier on you, but on the long run, it will fucking DESTROY you. Wake the fuck up and stop excusing the people who are raping you and CALL IT WHAT IT IS. RAPE.
Also note that when Sesshomaru describes Rin, he never says anything about her mind, attitude, or who she is as an individual. He only notes her physical traits and "nymphet" qualities. She is not a person to him, though he has yet to realize that. Just like men who become attracted to girls as soon as they hit puberty have changed their attitudes NOT because of any solid mental or spiritual change, but PHYSICAL changes that call out to their biology.
And what is that, when you focus only on someone's physical attributes and never their spirit? Do you call that love? That's only lust. Lust alone, without love-it is not romance. And when coming from a grown, experienced adult, directed towards a child who is just developing hormones and is very confused about things that involve sexuality, and is "experimenting"-like people do when they're new to sexuality-what is that?
That is taking advantage of the other person's inexperience and lack of knowledge and using it to your own benefit. Which is why, whether you have the child's consent or not, it's called statutory RAPE.)