InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Lost in Hell ❯ Lost in Hell ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

I do not own Inuyasha and made no money writing this.

I walked them to the road, an then I walked away. I smiled when I left them, but hid my face when I turned away. You were watching me leave them. You were always watching me. You saw me with him, Kouga. For years he and I were friends. You watched us walk together, waiting with us for her. Did you know what I was thinking?

About the the worst kind of sin. To tell her what we used to do together. To keep him from her. And to keep him by my side.

But I did not do it, Kouga. I did not stand in their way. Even when they hesitated, as if they knew my smile was fake. She tried to take my hand, she thanked me for watching over him. Then I let your love take my friend away.

You walk behind me now, Kouga, in the dead of night. You want something, Kouga. And I owe it. Do you intend to make me pay with blood? Do you want my life? I don't blame you, and I just might let you.

Perhaps I should.

"Where are you going, monk?"

Home? Will I belong there? "I do not know." I am not going anywhere, I am just walking away.

"No point in walking nowhere." You turn away. You go into the darkest places no man should not go. You gave me no invitation. But you turn back and look my way.

Why not walk into hell? Be my guide, if you know the way.

"She wanted to be with him." I try to say what you know. But understanding does not fill a void. Explanations are just words.

"And he wanted her."

I stumble. You catch my hand. And I remember how she took my hand. How he just stood there and let her drop my hand. And then he turned away.

You don't turn away.

"They are gone."

But you are here. And they are gone. Just lead the way.

You stop. You keep holding on. Keep holding on because letting go would lose me. “And we are not." We are not good enough to want. Not necessary enough to need. We served a purpose. “Is it so hard to understand?”

“No.” I can not see your face. I can only feel your breath. “Only to live with it.”

I should nod. I should smile. I should seem to understand. But I can not hide behind these lies in the dark. I can only feel your hand.

“Like this.” And you hold me. you wrap yourself around me. Your arms are so strong. You're so much like him and nothing like him. Because you're here and he is... “Shh. Don't try to hold it back, monk.” You whisper it in my ear. “You'd be surprised how much I understand.”

I am.

“You'd be surprised how much I know about this feeling.”

“So it seems.” I try to be light hearted.

You just press my head against your shoulder. “Shhh.”

How long will I be here? In hell with out him? I know the answer, Kouga. It's forever with out him. “Oh, Inuyasha...” I rub my face in your hair and I try to remember the feel of his.

“You loved him.”

I would try to evade this, any other time. “Yes.”

“You thought if you tried hard enough-” You thought it could change things. That you could be good enough, worth enough to hold on to. I knew it then. But now I know I understand. “Kouga?”

You just press your face into my robes and we cry together. Not a guide anymore. No, you are lost, too, aren't you? “Oh, Kouga...”