InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Lost Souls Found ❯ Good-byes ( Chapter 6 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
Author's note: Thanks for the reviews! They do so make my day. No, it's not all cheery, after Naraku is “gone.” Wouldn't be much story in that, now would there? I can tell already this may take longer to write than I expected -- just too much good relationship stuff to cover. Hope you'll hang with me! As someone wrote in their disclaimer once that really made me laugh, “InuYasha still isn't mine.” Bummer …
BTW: Sorry for all the chapter updates. The more the story comes together, the more I want to go tighten up earlier chapters - you know - foreshadowing? Don't worry if you don't go back and reread it - I didn't introduce any major new plot twists or anything. Just tried to write better Hope it's not too bothersome in your mail box, but I do think it's making a better story for those reading from the beginning.
Lost Souls Found
Chapter 6: Good-byes
The last night of Summer Vacation, the band of friends sat around the fire, happy to be together, but subdued under the realization that tomorrow they parted ways. Sango, Miroku, Kohaku and Kilala were headed back to the demonslayers' village to try and rebuild it. Kagome and InuYasha were bound for Kaede's village. The group sat long into the night, reliving old stories, banishing fears, and cementing friendships that would last not only this lifetime, but many, many more. Even Kohaku smiled a little and joined in some of the conversation.
The only one who wasn't content was Shippo. No one knew where Shippo wanted to go when they broke camp in the morning. As Kagome and InuYasha had grown more and more inseparable over the past weeks, poor little Shippo had found himself more and more alone, especially at bedtime. Sango and Miroku also now spent nights together, so the little kitsune had no more big sisters to curl up with to sleep. He tried to play with Kohaku, but the boy was too withdrawn and sad to be much fun. Kilala was a constant companion, but not much of a conversationalist. And if there was one thing they all knew about Shippo, it was that the little guy did need to talk.
“So …,” Sango finally said late in the evening, looking at Shippo, sitting quietly by the fire as it crackled brightly under a new log. “Shippo,” she said gently, “will you be going back to the Village tomorrow?” Kagome looked shrewdly at her good friend, realizing that - even more than Shippo's destination, she was really angling for an answer from Kagome and InuYasha about their plans. They'd decided to go back to the Village, but hadn't really told the group much more than that. Frankly, they didn't have many more plans than that. She was going to go back to school during the week, and InuYasha … he was going to do … what, they weren't sure. She knew InuYasha was a bit up in the air about what he could do, and she was trying to give him room to figure out what he wanted to do. To her surprise, it was he that spoke up.
“Shippo,” InuYasha said quietly, “you're coming with me and Kagome back to the village, right?” Shippo looked shocked, and InuYasha continued, “Kagome's going to be gone to school a lot, and … well, I think we can find stuff to do, you and me.” Shippo's face took on a happy sheen in the firelight. Somehow, Kagome thought, the offer to join them meant more to the little fox coming from InuYasha than from her or anyone else. She was proud of InuYasha for inviting him to join them. Given the grief Shippo could mete out to his surrogate big brother, she was sure InuYasha had to think on that offer pretty hard before uttering it.
“Of course,” Shippo took on his smug tone, the one that tended to piss off InuYasha most, “I always planned to go with you.” He jumped into Kagome's lap possessively, “just `cuz you're being all sweet on Kagome for a change, don't think I trust you not to hurt her again!” Kagome blushed and started to say something kind about InuYasha, but her sweet hanyou beat her to it, grabbing the little guy off her lap and dangling him several feet off the ground.
“What did you say, fox?” InuYasha glared at the kitsune, but Kagome could see a glint of humor in his eyes. Shippo couldn't see it yet.
“Let me down!” Shippo squirmed around comically. “Let me down, you big oaf!”
“Oh, I'll let you down, alright,” InuYasha said. He lifted the kit high up in the air and dropped him, squealing, towards the ground. Kagome was a little worried for the kitsune, until she noticed InuYasha's foot come up gently to catch Shippo, just like Souta had taught him to juggle soccer balls last year. Just like a ball, he lightly kicked the young fox demon up and caught him by the scruff of the neck this time, bringing him to eye level. “Shippo, give it a rest, ok? Kagome and I are okay.” He looked at Kagome with a smile in his eyes that melted her.
His glance had a slightly different affect on Shippo. The little demon swung his stubby legs up to catch at InuYasha's Fire Rat sleeve and hauled himself onto his arm. Getting a grip, he scurried down the half demon's arm, around his neck and pulled himself through silver hair to mount InuYasha's head, hands gripping the Inu-ears, maybe slightly painfully, judging by his steed's wince.
“Fine,” Shippo announced to all present, “I'll take your word for it, and I've got witnesses.” He squeezed his little hands again, jerking his arms and turning InuYasha's head to one side to look at Kagome, “but if you hurt her again, I'm going to haunt you for the rest of your life.”
InuYasha rolled his eyes dramatically, which everyone but Shippo saw, making them laugh. Kagome laughed hardest, enjoying how relaxed InuYasha had become. Would it really stay this way?
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The next day as they packed away their things, there was a palpable sadness in the air. Kagome watched InuYasha and Sango clean up their camp space while she gave Kohaku and then Miroku a last checkup, making sure they fully understood the instructions for their continued healing. They had agreed that Miroku and Kohaku would ride Kilala most of the way to their new home since their still-healing wounds would tire them out too much if they walked. Kagome had told Miroku earlier this week that his bad leg may never fully heal. He had been ecstatic, she recalled, calling it once more a mere inconvenience compared to the kazaana in his hand. He had confessed to her that he expected to die before or during the battle with Naraku. He considered his new life, the life of cripple, a blessing because he was going to have the chance to share it with Sango.
“So, you are going to be happy with Sango?” She asked him this morning as she examined his leg for the last time, asking him the question she knew her friend so wanted to know the answer to.
“Absolutely,” she looked up at his face to see a big smile there.
“You're swearing off other women?” She just had to ask. Glancing back up, she noticed the smile had faded just a bit.
“There are no other women in the demonslayers' village,” he said matter-of-factly, avoiding the question.
“Hm,” Kagome said as she rewrapped the bandage on his leg. “That means there will be no one around to notice if you just settle down and become Miroku-the-devoted-husband instead of Miroku-the-philandering-Monk.” She tied off the wrap and looked up into his face. He looked at her knowingly, dropping his pretense.
“So, you figured it out, huh? My put-on job recently?” He smiled again, warmly. “What better way to protect her from my immanent death than to make her unable to trust me?”
“Miroku, you're transparent,” Kagome said, standing, “she's always known.” She got a stern expression on her face, “but listen, you were only protecting yourself, and now there's no need.” He let her help him stand up. “She doesn't think it's funny anymore. So stop teasing her, okay?”
“Okay,” she thought he sounded truthful and so she relaxed, letting go the rest of her speech. He wrapped his arm all they way around her shoulder, hugging her to him. She hugged him back. “And what about you?” He asked quietly, his chin resting on her head. She felt safe, hearing the concern in his voice, and she stayed in the hug. “Are you going to be okay, staying with InuYasha?”
She knew he was asking a multitude of questions. Did she trust him? Was her heart given to him? Would she go home or stay in the past with him? Was she really off the roller coaster?
“We'll be okay,” she heard herself saying. “We've got some things to work out, but we'll just have to see how things go.” She winced a little at her tone. It sounded very non-committal. She was a little surprised at that, and he seemed to pick up on it, pushing her shoulders gently away to look down at her. His eyes were a beautiful deep blue, an old man's wisdom settled into a boyishly handsome face.
“Kagome,” his voice was gentle, “be careful and go slowly.” She nodded. “You've seen how long it's taken for him to get this far. Don't expect it to be easy for him.” She felt a little disappointment at his words, and realized that she'd been hoping it would be that easy for InuYasha to come fully into a relationship. Miroku wasn't done with his big brother advice, “you need to keep forgiving him,” his eyes crinkled in a smile, passing years' of shared memories between them, “but don't forgive him too much anymore.” As Miroku pulled her back into the hug once again, saying good-bye, she felt a little stab of fear. They were both right. She and InuYasha had many things yet to figure out. Her school schedule was the least of it. Her college decision, his “job” or whatever the heck he was going to do with himself … Naraku might come back … and Kikyo was still out there, somewhere. It had been so easy to forget these things in the last few weeks of bliss.
“Besides,” Miroku's tone had lightened a bit, “you still have several more good childbearing years ahead of you. No need to rush.” She was pleased to notice he didn't extend her the offer or pat her on the butt, so she tickled him in the sides and made him laugh. She was going to miss him terribly.
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Sango was busy counting up their few items of clothing, medicine and food for the trip. Kagome approached her with an extra wrap for Kohaku's wounds. The two young women looked at each other, and saw tears brimming as though they looked into a mirror. They had already said everything. Talked of their fears, their hopes, their plans. They knew when they would try to see each other again, if things happened in a predictable way for a change. All that was left was good-bye. They stayed in each other's arms for several minutes.
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InuYasha had been thinking for days about how he was going to say good-bye to Kohaku. The boy hadn't brought up the dark subject that now hung between them whenever they spoke. They shared a secret, but they did not discuss it. InuYasha had become worried that the boy was going to do something stupid when he was out of InuYasha's protective range. He realized this was a slightly arrogant assumption on his part, but he couldn't help feeling responsible for the boy's plight. He'd stopped trying to understand why he felt so responsible. It wasn't like he had anything to do with how that bastard Naraku enslaved the kid in the first place. But somehow, over time, InuYasha had come to feel responsible for all of them, and once Sango was one of his, Kohaku kind of came along as part of the package. And that was before he accepted the burden of guilt for inflicting Kohaku's wounds, thanks to the demon he feared still lurked in him. To make all this even more confusing, sometimes he sensed that anger in Kohaku, the anger at InuYasha for not killing him outright. Knowing that the kid blamed him for the fact that he was still alive brought the whole irony full circle. InuYasha had given up trying make it make sense, and simply taken it upon himself to make sure that Kohaku didn't kill himself, finding a way instead to live and be happy about it.
Kohaku was sitting listlessly staring at the lake when InuYasha came upon him that last morning. He'd been like this ever since the battle, often unaware of his surroundings, uncaring and distant. InuYasha found it disturbing whenever he saw that blank look in the kid's eyes. Despite lots of thought on the subject, InuYasha still wasn't sure what to say.
“Hey, kid,” he figured he'd start casually and hope Kohaku gave him an opening. “You about ready to go?”
“Yeah.” There was a pause; the boy wasn't going to be much help getting this conversation off the ground.
“Listen,” might as well just get to the point, “don't think I've forgotten what we talked about before.” He had Kohaku's attention, even though the boy didn't turn to look, his stiffened posture told InuYasha what he needed to know. “I'm still not giving up on you.” He held his breath and hoped the kid responded somehow. InuYasha really didn't have the slightest idea what to do if the boy kept acting like he didn't care what the hell happened to him. He breathed again when he saw a slight nod of assent. A sudden thought inspired him. He stepped in front of Kohaku, blocking his view of the lake. The boy's sad brown eyes slowly moved up to meet his. InuYasha was careful to compose his face with what he hoped was an appropriate amount of concern and authority.
“I need you to promise me something,” Kohaku's eyebrows came together in a question mark. “Before you do anything,” he leaned in a little bit for emphasis, “I mean anything, other than breathe, eat, sleep or shit, promise me you'll come talk to me about it.” Kohaku looked a little surprised. “Got that?”
Kohaku nodded a little hesitantly. InuYasha thought he needed to add a little incentive. “That's how I'm not going to give up on you, get it? I gotta know what I'm believing in.” And, he thought to himself, that's how you're not going to give up on me.
“I'll come visit you when I can,” InuYasha wasn't quite sure how often that would be, “but you take Kilala to me if you need to.” He held his hand out to help the boy stand and head back to where the group was congregating to leave on their last journey together. “Okay?”
“Okay.” Kohaku's voice was low, but steady. Good.
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InuYasha and Kohaku walked up to the group, knowing only a few more partings needed to be blessed with words. InuYasha went to Sango first. Ever since the battle, she'd been the perfect woman, demure, sweet, deferential and quiet. He didn't quite know how to act around this new Sango. He missed his friend the demonslayer. He needed to say good-bye to her. She almost ran into his arms, hugging him tightly. He held her and felt himself choke up a bit. Pulling away, he looked into her eyes and tried to connect with the warrior he respected so much.
“Sango,” he said, “you have to protect these guys for a bit until they get stronger.” She nodded. “but if you need anything, you send Kilala for me.” They hugged again.
A nagging voice somewhere in his heart told him to find a way to tell her about Kohaku, but he couldn't violate the boy's trust that blatantly. Keeping his hands on her shoulders, his eyes slid from hers to Kohaku and back, “I mean it. Anything.”
She looked surprised, following his glance, but she nodded.
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Kagome approached Kohaku, carrying a little packet of food she'd pulled together for him, including some of his favorite roots, and some medicinal herbs she'd found that morning. Looking in his eyes, she knew something was still not right. She had helped heal his body, but something inside him was still broken. She thought InuYasha might understand something of the boy's trouble, but he hadn't shared it with her.
Kohaku did brighten up when she handed him his food. He took it gratefully from her. It pleased her to know that he appreciated the fact that she had helped heal him. But she worried that that he wasn't trying hard enough to heal himself.
“Kohaku,” she said gently, “I'm going to miss you.” She smiled. “We'll come visit as soon as I get a break from school.”
She leaned forward and kissed him on the freshly scared skin of his cheek. He pulled away a little, not from pain but from embarrassment. She did not let him out of it, but planted her soft lips on his new skin. He had to learn to accept the scars as a part of him. Maybe this would help.
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The girls were laughing as Shippo and little Kilala rolled around in the grass. Kohaku looked on too, which left Miroku and InuYasha on the fringe of the merriment. The hardest good-bye. Miroku, as usual, was the braver. Leaning on his cane and better leg, the Monk turned to his good friend and clapped the hanyou on the shoulder. “Too many things to say, huh?”
“Yep.” InuYasha raised his hand to put it over Miroku's on his shoulder. “Look, if things get too tough trying to resurrect that wreck of a fortress Sango used to call home,” Miroku rolled his eyes, reliving about a hundred conversations they'd had over the last few months, “you just toss her on Kilala and bring her to the village, okay?” They both laughed. “I'll make sure Kagome talks some sense into her.”
Miroku nodded, smiling through his fears and worries. They turned back to watch the kits play, InuYasha still steadying the Monk.
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The sun was just breaking the treetops when the little band broke into two, heading off to their futures. They could have all flown with the wind at their backs, but they walked, taking their time moving forward.
To be continued …