InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Love and war ❯ Loss of Innocence ( Chapter 17 )

Part seventeen: Loss of innocence

She had already resigned herself to the fact that she would die. Kagome knew there was no possible way she could change any of it. All she could do was hope for the best and work hard so that she wouldn't leave anything in her life unresolved. Kagome sat out in the gardens late one day watching as the sun set. She had been doing that a lot lately. She felt that she took so much for granted now was the time to really appreciate it before it was too late.

She used this time as a calming period to free her mind and body and give it over to her powers. She focused on the hidden power inside her and tried to bring it out full force. She was learning how to call her power and control it. It was kind of hard to concentrate since all that she could think about was what she would be leaving behind. Who she would be leaving behind. Kagome knew that it would be unfair for her to just go, knowing in advance that she would die and not say goodbye to her family and friends. S

Kagome knew she couldn't just tell them goodbye because they would want to know why she was doing it. She would then have to tell them and it would all get too confusing and chaotic. Kagome then thought about the only thing she could do. She could write them all a letter and post it. That way they would receive it when she was already dead. With that plan in mind she went to the task of writing.

She sat at the desk in Inuyasha's bedroom that afternoon. She picked this time of day because she knew she wouldn't be disturbed. Everyone was occupied for at least a few hours and she would have time to write down on paper just what she wanted to say to them all. She thought of whom she should write to first and the only person that came up was her mother.

Dear Mama,

I want to say above all things that I love you and that I will always love you. I also want to apologize for leaving so suddenly and not even saying anything to you. I know that when Inuyasha said he wanted to take me with him, you didn't want me to go. You probably thought you would be losing your daughter and you did. I can't say how sorry I am for what has happened to me and I can't tell you what Inuyasha will be feeling but I ask that from the goodness of your heart you not blame him.

He was always there for me mama. He loved me. He was my husband. I know I know. You're probably upset that I married without your knowledge or consent but mama you must understand how much I loved him. He'd never let anything happen to me and he's probably as broken up as you are that I have died. He's a wonderful person and I hope you could learn to love him. If not because of who he is then do it because I loved him and I really do mama.

I'll miss you as I'm sure you'll miss me. I'll never forget you and the years we've been together. I thank you for bringing me into the world and for guiding me through it. You're the best mother in the world. I want you to tell Sota and grandpa how sorry I am that I never made it back home. Tell them I love them and tell them I'll be watching over them.

Your daughter,

Kagome.

(I know this letter sucks but bear with me. I'm sick and can't think clearly.)

Now that the letter to her mother was done she moved on to her friend Lixue. Kagome thought about all she and her friend had gone through together. The girls had known each other for almost all of their lives and were inseparable. She was Ying to Lixue's Yang. The two of them were like two halves to a whole and now Kagome had to write a letter telling her goodbye forever.

She started reminding her of when they first met. As Kagome thought about everything they'd been through tears came to her eyes. It was hard saying goodbye to her mother and it was just as hard saying goodbye to a person who she felt knew her better than she knew herself sometimes. Kagome wished this was a situation she could avoid completely but she knew she couldn't. She would hurt too many people and that's the last thing she wanted to do.

Kagome sat at her desk and reflected on the days of their youth (not that they were that old to begin with.) She remembered how Lixue had become like her savior. Kagome was always a shy girl and never made friends quickly until she met Lixue. The girl drove that shy nature out of her and she had been as popular as Lixue was in no time flat. Kagome smiled as she thought of all the pranks and practical jokes the two of them pulled. Her high school life was so much fun. She had Lixue to thank for that. She also had Lixue to thank for meeting Inuyasha. If she hadn't asked her to join her to the club that night they would've never met.

Kagome stopped writing for a moment and sat back. This was harder than she thought it would be. She had no idea how to say goodbye to a person and how to tell them you knew you were going to die before you did. She knew her family and friends wouldn't understand but that was the way it was.

Kagome thought about Inuyasha then. What would he do? What would he say? Would he hate her because she knew and she didn't tell him? She'd decided to leave his letter for the last but she knew she had the most to say to him. She loved him and didn't want to leave him. Even though they went through some tough situations they were together now and she believed him when he said that he loved her. Inuyasha was apart of her mind body and soul and she would be abandoning him.

Tears fell from Kagome's eyes as she thought of the life she would never have with him. She'd hoped they would get married one day in a church. She could see herself as his wife and the mother of his children. She was happy that he was even willing to be a father and wanted another child. She knew it would never replace the one they lost but it would still be apart of them both. Now she would never have that. They would never have that.

Kagome put all her thoughts and feelings down onto the paper and was just about done when there was a knock on the door. She scrambled to put her things away then turned to face the person. Inuyasha came through the door then. His eyes scanned the room before landing on Kagome. Something wasn't right.

Kagome didn't like the look on Inuyasha's face. It was as if what he had to tell her was so horrible that he didn't want to say it. She knew it was bad. She could feel in her that something was wrong. She took a deep breath and braced herself for the bad news.

"What is it Inuyasha?" she asked him as she looked him in the eyes.

"It's your grandfather," he began. Kagome stood and looked at him.

"What's wrong with my grandfather?" she asked as she felt the tears building.

"I'm sorry Kagome. He's dead."

Kagome shook her head. No. It wasn't true. It wasn't true. It was just some cruel joke Inuyasha was pulling. It couldn't be true. It just couldn't. Kagome could feel the tears falling now. They ran down her cheeks in rivers. "No. It's not true."

"I'm sorry. He was murdered on his way home from the store," Inuyasha said as he moved towards her.

"Murdered?" she asked. Her mind wasn't functioning. This couldn't be happening. This just couldn't. She was the only one who was supposed to die.

"Naraku had someone murder him. I'm sorry Kagome."

"No," she said with a voice that trembled. "No!" she said. She got out of the chair and bolted out of the room. She was down the stairs and almost out of the house before Inuyasha caught her. "No! Let me go!"

"I can't Kagome," Inuyasha said as he held her around the waist from the back. She was kicking and screaming in his arms. She had to get free. She had to go home.

"Let me go!" she yelled. By this time she had drawn a crowd and a lot of people were watching them. "Please let me go."

"Kagome listen to me I can't let you go out there tonight. It's not safe."

"I don't give a damn! I have to go home. Please Inuyasha," she said. He could feel the fight leaving her. She was now limp in his arms.

"Kagome," he said softly as he turned her to face him and pulled her into his arms. Kagome buried her face into his chest and released the tears. She cried like a wounded animal and the sound stabbed Inuyasha in his heart.

"Why?" she asked him. Her voice was muffled but he could hear her loud and clear. "Why did he have to die? Why did they go after him?"

"I am so sorry Kagome. So very sorry," Inuyasha said as he held her.

"I have to go home," she said to him. "My mother needs me."

"Kagome I don't want you going out there."

"Inuyasha my grandfather died!" she yelled at him as she pulled away. Her eyes were already red and puffy. She had dried tears on her cheeks and more was still flowing. The sight broke Inuyasha's heart. "He was the only father I knew! Please. I have to go to my mother. She needs me. Please Inuyasha. If you love me you'll let me go."

Inuyasha was torn. He loved her with all of his heart but he didn't want to have to let her go out in the night to prove it. Then again he couldn't forbid her to go to her mother. She was right. She was needed by someone other than him right now. He couldn't be selfish. He only shook his head. Before he could say or do anything a car was brought around for them. Inuyasha nodded a thank you to his clan member for their consideration then helped Kagome into the car. He then got in the driver's side and sped off.

Inuyasha reached over and grabbed Kagome's hand in his own as he drove. Although she didn't look at him she grabbed onto his hand and held tight. Her face was turned towards the window and she was looking outside. In the glass Inuyasha could see her reflection and saw that she was crying quietly. God it hurt him to see her in so much pain. He vowed Naraku would suffer before he died.

When they reached to the shrine, there were cars everywhere. Everyone had heard about her grandfather's death and came to pay their respects. Inuyasha got out and went to open Kagome's door. He helped her out of the car and held her as they made their way towards the house. The door was unlocked allowing well wishers to come in. Inuyasha opened the door and allowed Kagome to go in before him. Mother and daughter had spotted each other right away and ran into each other's arms.

Inuyasha stayed in the background and allowed Kagome to grieve with her mother. When he saw that the two needed time to themselves, he ushered everyone out of the house and locked up the place. Kagome and her mother were still clinging to each other and crying. Inuyasha was sitting in the kitchen. From where he sat he could see them on the couch crying but he wasn't intruding. He looked across at the little boy Sota who seemed to be trying to hold in his tears. Inuyasha didn't know what came over him but he opened his arms to the little boy and the child moved into them.

"Are you Kagome's boyfriend?" he asked in a whisper.

"I'm her fiancée," he told him. The little boy nodded and leaned into him. He still didn't cry although Inuyasha knew he wanted to badly. "It's okay to cry kid. Don't try to hold it in."

It was as if he only wanted to know that he wouldn't embarrass himself. Sota began to cry as well. He clung to Inuyasha and cried for his grandfather was the only father he had. Now the man was gone. He was always so cheerful and nice even if he was a little weird and kooky sometimes. Grandfather would be missed by them all. Now it was only him and his mother because Kagome no longer lived there and Sota doubted that she would come back.

It was later that night that Kagome decided she wanted to stay there. Inuyasha was about to put up a fight but when he saw the look in her eyes, he just conceded. He told her that he would stay with her that night and he moved into the kitchen to make a phone call as she got ready for bed. He called back at the mansion to let Sesshomaru know they were spending the night. Inuyasha figured he might as well comfortable on the couch but he was shocked when Kagome's mother came out to him.

"You can spend the night in Kagome's room." the woman almost laughed at Inuyasha's shocked and outraged face. "She needs you Inuyasha. I'm not so old or blind that I don't realize there is something between you and my daughter. I may not like what you do but I like who you are. Go to her."

Inuyasha could only nod his thank you to the woman then walked to Kagome's bedroom. He knocked and waited for her to give him permission to enter then he went into the room. She was sitting on her bed a nightshirt that made her look like the young teenager she was. She had her long hair pulled back in a high ponytail. She looked up at him when he came in and smiled. He closed the door behind him and locked it then moved over to sit beside her on the bed. He wrapped an arm around her and she leaned her head on his shoulder. She was all cried out. Though the pain there was still strong, the tears just wouldn't come anymore.

"God Kagome I'm so sorry. It's all my fault," Inuyasha said as he held her.

"No it isn't. You didn't pull the trigger," she said to him as she drew strength from him.

"I might as well have. I mean if I didn't get you involved in my life none of this would have happened." he was really feeling guilty about this and didn't know how to make it up to her.

"You can't blame yourself for this. It was Naraku. He did all of this and we will get him."

"I think you should get some rest," Inuyasha said as he lifted her and took her over to the left side of the bed. He rested her down and was about to cover her. He went around and after taking off his shoes he got into bed as well. He pulled her close and just hugged her. He was about to go to sleep when he felt Kagome kiss him just above the collar at his neck. "We can't," he told her.

"Yes we can," she said as she continued to kiss his neck.

"No Kagome. We can't do this under your mother's roof."

"Please Inuyasha. I need you," she said in a teary voice. Inuyasha looked down at her and saw the tears in her eyes again. He didn't want her to hurt so if he could take her mind off of this by making love to her he would. He loved Kagome and would do anything for her. Without saying a word, he leaned down and kissed her. Kagome sighed against his lips. For the night she was safe.

Inuyasha jump kicked the man to the side of the head and uppercut the other. He was grabbed from the back but he grabbed the person and pulled them over his shoulder to slam hard onto the concrete ground. When he was rushed he jumped high into the air and the man couldn't stop and collided into a wall. Inuyasha landed gracefully on his feet and looked around him. He was surrounded. They really wanted him dead. Well too bad. He wasn't going to die today.

When one man rushed him he was quick to kick the gun out of his hand and punched him in the face. Another came and he punched him in the stomach then the face. He grabbed the man's gun from the holster and shot a man who was coming towards him. A bullet whizzed past Inuyasha's head and he pulled the man whose gun he had taken in the front of him. He used him as a human shield until he was behind the safety of some garbage cans.

He checked the gun's clip then slammed it back into place. He looked over the garbage and got shot at. The men were planning on toying with him but they didn't expect Inuyasha to come out shooting. They were all surprised with a round of bullets and a few of them were killed. Inuyasha grinned when it looked like his skill was working to his advantage. He of course lost the smile when a car pulled up and more of Naraku's men unloaded.

"Shit!"

Out of nowhere a whipped lashed past his head and struck one of the men. Then two men were shot directly from behind him. Inuyasha didn't want to look back in fear that he would be killed but he was too curious. He grinned when he saw Sesshomaru standing atop the building behind him with his whip in one hand a gun in the other and Miroku standing beside him holding a gun in each hand aimed at the men below.

"We figured you'd need help little brother," Sesshomaru said as he looked at the men.

"And we didn't have anything better to do," Miroku said with a grin.

"Okay. If you want to get in this it's fine with me. Enough to go around."

One brave man decided to attack then causing the fight to begin again. Miroku and Sesshomaru jumped off the roof and landed on their feet on the ground. Immediately Sesshomaru was attacked. With a flick of his wrist the whip wrapped around the man's neck and he aimed his gun at another and shot the man. He then pulled on his whip tightening it and cutting off the man's air supply until he fainted. He pulled the whip again and it uncoiled and returned to his hand.

Miroku was letting off shots from both guns. He was like a killing machine, until he ran out of bullets. One of the men grinned at him then lunged. Miroku spunk kicked him sending him back into a few more men that was about to attack. He sensed someone behind him and swung round and punched the man in the mouth. He heard a subtle crack and saw the blood splash onto his hand. Someone grabbed his ponytail to pull him back accidentally loosening it. He spun around to face his advisory and his hair fanned out around his face. (God he's so sexy!) He crouched in a move beckoning the man to come to him. When the man geared up and ran towards him, Miroku jumped into the air and using the man's shoulder as leverage flipped over his head and landed behind him. Before he could turn around, Miroku grabbed his head and slammed it into a wall.

Inuyasha couldn't see what the others were doing. He was too busy bouncing off the walls dodging bullets. Inuyasha was having fun with the men. He would move so fast it appeared he was flying and he was wreaking havoc with his claws. The men shot at him but were unable to catch him. He slashed through them drawing blood. One man had a clear aim for him but before he could shoot he found the dog demon standing directly before him growling. Inuyasha grabbed the gun from his hand and crushed it in his bare palms. He leaned closer to the man and growled. He sniffed and smelt fear. Good.

Miroku sat on the hood of a car swinging his legs and just stared. Sesshomaru was leaning against the car with his arms crossed over his chest and just stared. Inuyasha stood in front of the wall and just stared. They had either killed the men or rendered them unconscious. All but one. The one that was in charge of this little get together. They had strung him up to a low hanging fire escape ladder. He was now dangling by his arms and was bloody and bruised.

"Where is he?" Inuyasha asked for the last time. He had been asking for Naraku's whereabouts but the man was either very loyal or very stupid. He had beaten him until he was too weak to withhold the information and asked him. He wasn't surprised when the man spilled his guts telling him everything. He even found out things he didn't ask for but it was very helpful.

When the man had told him everything he let him down and bent over him growling. He was sure the man would return to Naraku and hoped on it. He left a message he had no doubt would be carried. "Tell that mother fucker I'm coming for him," he said and left the man bloody and bruised in the alley.

"Well looks like we have some preparing to do," Sesshomaru said with a bored yawn.

Miroku only smiled slightly. Finally. They were going to find the man who was responsible for the death of his family. This was what he was waiting for, for a very long time. "Looks like," he said.

"You guys go back to the mansion and tell everyone to be ready. I have some other things to take care of first," Inuyasha said to them. He was leaving then for some strange reason he turned back to them. The two men stopped when they saw Inuyasha stop. "Thanks."

Sesshomaru and Miroku only looked at each other then back at Inuyasha. They nodded to him. Well they were coming down to the end. After this weekend they had no idea who would live and who wouldn't. All they knew was that they were there for each other now.

Kagome stared at her reflection in the mirror. Ordinarily she would be concerned with her appearance but she was numb inside and couldn't care about anything frivolous. Her long hair was pulled back and tucked behind her ears. She wore a tight black dress that had a dropped collar and showed some of her ample breasts. The dress reached just above her knees. She wore black stockings and high heeled black shoes. She was trying her hardest not to cry thinking her make-up would run and she would be ugly but she just didn't care anymore.

There was a knock on her door and Sota stuck his head inside. "Kagome?" he asked. He saw her tears and felt his own. He went over to her and hugged her around the waist. Kagome held onto her little brother and stroked his soft hair as she thought about how much her family would miss her grandfather. "They're ready."

The church service was attended by many people. During his life her grandfather was a very friendly person and had many that cared for him. The church was filled with the sounds of sniffles and soft crying. In the front pew, Kagome sat between her mother and Sota. She held both their hands as they cried. Kagome softly cried herself. This was like the last time she would be seeing her grandfather's face. She listened as some people came up to say nice things about her grandfather but she felt that no matter what they said it wouldn't capture his essence. He was such a good person almost too good sometimes.

The service ended quickly and soon they were all making their way towards the grave yard. The priest was reading the last rights as everyone gathered around the grave to watch as the man was lowered. Kagome stood on a hill a distance from everyone. She looked down with calm eyes and watched the ending of her grandfather's life and the beginning of the memories. Her long hair was blowing in the wind and whipping around her face. At that exact moment she felt a piece of her die and felt it slip away. It was such a strong feeling that she shivered. Thunder roared then and lightening lit up the sky.

Kagome missed Inuyasha. She wanted to spend time with him because she knew it was all going to end real soon. She could feel it inside her. She knew this is what he would have to go through after her death. She knew he would feel the pain she was feeling now and wanted to be with him at least one last time before it all happened. She felt a pair of arms wrap around her and she leaned into them. As if she conjured him up, Inuyasha appeared right behind her. He was also wearing a black suit and trench dressed in the attire for the funeral. The rain was pouring now and the priest was trying to finish the sacred ceremony.

When lightening struck again from the corner of her eyes Kagome could see more black. She turned her head and saw Sango, Miroku, Sesshomaru, Rin and many others of Inuyasha's pact standing above them on a hill. They were all showing their support for her and paying respects to the dead as well.

"What are they doing here?" Kagome asked Inuyasha softly.

"They're family Kagome. They wanted you to know that you are not alone. They know how you feel and want to give their support," Inuyasha said. He was surprised himself they were all there. They knew where he was going but he didn't expect them to follow as well. He looked down at Kagome and saw the tears in her eyes. "It's going to be okay Kagome. I'm going to take care of it."

Kagome looked up into his eyes for a full minute without saying anything. She finally nodded then turned back. She felt her heart break as they lowered her grandfather's casket into the ground and began to cover it with the earth. People were beginning to leave then but she couldn't move. She was hurting too much. Inuyasha turned her in his arms and allowed her to hide her face against his chest. As her body shook while she cried, Inuyasha looked up at the sky and thought it was a perfect example of what was going on in their lives. Everything was dark and dreary but he hoped after all of this was over they would all be able to return to normal lives.

Inuyasha had taken Kagome to his home later that night after she had spent time with her family. Before they left, Ayame gave Kagome a small box and said that her grandfather would want her to have it. Kagome nodded and stuffed the box in her coat then hugged her mother and turned to Inuyasha. She had said she needed to get away and it fit right in with his plans. When they arrived to the mansion, he lifted her into his arms and took her up the bedroom. He opened the door and heard her gasp. She'd been lying on his shoulder and she lifted her head to look around the room. It was so beautiful.

Inuyasha had ordered a change for the room. He wanted to have a special night with her before he went to fight Naraku. Though he knew he was strong and powerful himself, he wasn't that confident in his abilities and knew there was a chance he would die.

The bedspread was white satin and had the softest red rose petals all over it. The room was dim lighted only with hundreds of little white candles. There was soft music playing in the background and the most delicious scent in the air. In the corner of the room, Inuyasha had a table set with a white table cloth and fine china. There were candles there as well along with wine. Beside the table was a tray of a variety of foods.

Inuyasha placed Kagome on her feet and began to undress her. She watched him trying to figure out what he was doing. Without saying anything, he took of her clothes leaving her only in her under clothes. He left her standing in the center of the room and went into the closet. When he returned he was wearing a long white robe and held one across his arm. He came over to her and put it on her and knotted it at the waist. He then led her over to the table and pulled out her chair for her. When she sat he helped her push it in then went around and took his seat.

"Inuyasha what is all of this?" she asked as she looked around her.

"Well don't think I forgot about that date I was supposed to take you on. You know me and you going out together alone?" he asked with a smile at her remembrance. "Well I figured since we couldn't go out that didn't mean we still couldn't have our date. I hope you're not disappointed."

"Not at all," she said softly. How could she be disappointed? This was so much better than what she'd had in mind as a date. "I love it. I love you."

"I love you too Kagome." the two began to eat then every now and then taking glances at each other. They enjoyed a nice meal and conversation and Kagome giggled when Inuyasha asked her to dance. He came around the table and pulled out her chair. He held out a hand for her and she placed her own in his. He then led her to a clear place on the floor and drew her to him. He held her close and they began to sway to the music.

'I love this man so much,' Kagome thought. 'It's going to be hard leaving him.' Kagome looked at Inuyasha when he pulled away from her and set her back away from him. Her mouth dropped open and her eyes widened when she saw him get down on one knee. He reached into the pocket of the robe and took out a ring box. He opened it and showed her the six carat square cut diamond ring set in gold.

"Kagome Higurashi...when I first met you, you disrupted my life. You were unlike anyone I had ever met before and you had me intrigued. You captured my heart easily enough but I hurt you with my indecision. I know I had hurt you but I ask for your forgiveness. I ask that you give me a second chance. I made you my mate now I would like to make you my wife. Will you marry me?"

Kagome could only look down at the man then at the ring. Her moth hadn't closed since he started to take. She couldn't talk. The only thing she could do was grin and nod. Tears flowed down her face and blurred her vision but she could see Inuyasha clear enough. "Yes Inuyasha. I'll marry you." he placed the ring on her finger then stood up and kissed her. He couldn't stop kissing her and she wasn't asking him too. They were both so happy and sad at the same time. This was the happiest moment of their lives and yet they didn't know how long they would be together. But for tonight they had each other and they would make sure the night lasted in the other's memory. That night Inuyasha made love to Kagome painfully slow. When he was done she was not only satisfied but he made sure she would remember him for the rest of her life.