InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Love Is... ❯ Suffocating ( Chapter 17 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Samarah-chan 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama / Comedy | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 01.03.2004 | Pages: 3 | Words: 3.9K | Visits: 1.5K | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama / Comedy | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 01.03.2004 | Pages: 3 | Words: 3.9K | Visits: 1.5K | Status: Completed
Hey guys! I’m finally back, I had a family emergency that has settled down a bit so I typed up this chapter as soon as I could. Thanks for all of the nice reviews and for the support. My best-friends dad died on November 1st and her mother had died 11 years ago, so my parents adopted her and her baby, that’s why I have not been here, we had to move into her house since it’s bigger. Well I hope you like this chapter, not a lot of action though, sorry! Please R&R.
* * * * * * * * * * *Kira’s POV * * * * * * * * * * *
Love sucks. I thought I would have learned that a long time ago, god knows I’ve been around long enough to have learned that. I wanted to believe that there was a guy out there for me. One who would do anything for me, one that would never even think about hurting me, so in other words mister right. I was stupid, stupid, blind, and pathetic.
Love is not like that at all. Sure there are some nice, sweet guys out there who would be faithful to you, and who would do everything in their power to never hurt you, but they just happen to be taken or gay. The few nice guys that aren’t gay or already taken seem to be the guys you are most un-attracted to. I’ve noticed this throughout the years; we either want the bad boys, or the rich boys. We never seem to want the guys standing right in front of us, all we want to do is be friends with them, talk to them about all of the guys that you want and can’t have.
The more I think about this the less sense it makes, but at the same time it makes more sense than it doesn’t. So in all of this "love sucks" just seems like the best statement to describe this night, and every night for the rest of my life.
"Kill Kouga. No kill Kouga."
"Kill Kouga. No kill Kouga."
"Tough choice. Killing him would make me feel a lot better, but not killing him would save me the prison record, and ultimately kill him from the inside once the guilt of what he did kicks in. Tough."
I thought killing him wouldn’t be so hard; I’ve killed people for less in the past. I guess I grew up since then, of course I could always maim him and not feel bad at all. I hate him right now, more than anyone will ever have the pleasure of knowing, but something inside is telling me not too. Damn this conscience of mine, I want to know when the hell I got cursed with it. I want to see him suffer, I want to see him in pain, but I can’t give him the pleasure of death by my hands, or anyone else's for that matter. Death will be a release for him in the end, and I don’t want him to feel anything good. So how do I hurt him without killing him?
I could have used Hiten to do it, but now it won’t work, and it wouldn’t be fair to Hiten to be used like that when he seems to still care about me is some way, be in love or like.
"I’ve been walking forever, what’s the answer? What’s the answer to this hell I call life!?" I ended up screaming, but there was no one around to hear me
I walked all the way to the park by the old "sacred" tree that we use to play at. Sitting on the swings always made me feel better, but not today. My life is falling apart, and I couldn’t see it, I was so caught up in acting like a child that I couldn’t see my life falling away from me. I blame the media. I swear that they control almost every aspect of peoples lives, or maybe that’s just what we want to believe, or what they want us to believe. Maybe I should just blame Kouga, or me yeah Kouga seems like the right choice.
This is one of those times when I feel like screaming "I want my mommy" or for me really "I want my Sessy-chan". I depend on my brother too much. I’ve been turning his life upside down since I can remember, but he’s never once complained, he’s just there for me.
He’s the once who always gets me out of trouble, but he can’t this time.
"What’s wrong with me?"
"Nothing."
"Then why did this happen? What did I do wrong?"
"You did nothing wrong. This happened because this is how life works; it is like this for everyone, not just you."
"Sess-chan, I don’t want to hurt like this anymore."
I turned to my brother, always there to comfort me, always there for me.
"I know. I wish that the pain would leave you, but that will take time." His voice softened as he slightly pushed the swing I was still sitting in
It was nice to have him here, but I wish that I didn’t need him so much. I’ll never make it by myself; I need my brother, plain and simple.
I had loved the perfect man once, but time was not kind for him. Humans grow old and die, and I would give my life to be one, to have been able to spend a short life with him. I love my brother with all that I have, but he would have done just fine without me, he WILL do just fine without me.
"Sess-chan?" I asked as I stopped the swing and turned my head to look back at him
"Hmm?"
"You would have been fine without me, right?"
"Why are you asking something like that?"
"For future reference." I answered, I knew he thought my question was weird
"In a way I suppose I would have, but then again I doubt I would have known what to do with myself, but we will not have to worry about that for a while, ne?"
"Yeah." I said, trying not to sigh, but I did anyways
It all just clicked in my head. All of this with Kouga wasn’t bothering me in the right way. I’m mad because now I won’t be leaving. Sesshoumaru is suffocating me. He doesn’t mean to do it, but he is and I am just trying to find any possible way out.
Sesshoumaru silently pushed me as I thought all of this through in my head. He was good at that, being silent and never speaking his mind, it’s like he’s afraid someone would steal his thoughts if he let just one out. When we were children he wasn’t like this, but one day it all changed. I miss those simple days when we use to run around getting into trouble, laughing at any and everything. We had our mother and father back then, we were so happy together, I don’t even remember everything that had happened back then, I just remember being happy. I think Sesshoumaru knows what happened, but he won’t tell me, another way for him to protect me.
"Are you happy with our life?" I don’t even know why I asked, but there was no way to stop it now, and I really wanted to know
"Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?"
"Because you seemed to be happier when mother was with us." I answered before thinking at all, mother was always someone we never really talked about anymore, it was always painful
He stopped pushing me and just stood there trying to act like his impassive self; I never did buy it.
"Is she why I can’t find love? Why WE can’t find love?" My brain had stopped working about ten minutes ago, now it was just spouting out anything it could to try and find the secret to life and love
"No. You can not find love because you are looking to hard for it. Try waiting for love to find you, because you are just going to drive yourself mad doing what you are. As for me, I will find love when I find it." He almost sounded like he knew what he was talking about, until he said that last part, he was scared of love and I’ve known it for years
"You’re right. I don’t think I really loved him, not the love I should have felt at least." My brain was working again, and just in time, who knows what I would have asked or said next
"You can and will find love, but it will take some time. Are you willing to wait?"
I nodded my head yes, though I’m not so sure that I can wait. Sesshoumaru started pushing me again, and I started to get happy again, like when I was a kid.
"So what now? What is going to happen now?" It seemed like some-what of a logical question to ask, but what would I know
"You are going to go on with your life, live like you were never hurt." He answered
I nodded, but I couldn’t do that. I was hurt, I still am, and I will be for a long time to come.
"Let’s go, I’m sure Kagome is waiting for us." I said stopping the swing and standing up
"Hai, she is. I told her to wait at home while I found you."
It was silent for a second, I hate silence and my brother knows that, I think that’s why he never talks just to annoy me.
"Do you like her?" I blurted out, I had been dying to ask him, and the silence just gave me the perfect opportunity
"Who?"
"Kagome. I’ve noticed how you look at her, by the way, how was the beach?" I tried not to, but I winked at him when I asked that, I am evil hear me roar
"The beach was nice, the sun was out and the water was just about perfect, but if you are suggesting that Kagome and I are more than just friends, than you are sadly mistaken." He didn’t sound mad at the question, just kind of firm with his answer, typical him
"Fine, but I will be laughing at your wedding." I said then ran off before he decided to cut my head off or something
We walked home in silence, again with the damn silence. He seemed to have gotten over my little comment because he had left me alone for the most part. It was a comfortable silence this time around, we just seemed to be enjoying being around each other. Our life had never really been that easy, though people would disagree because of how much money we have, and have always had. Sesshoumaru’s life seems to be getting better though, I’m happy for him and his new found "friendship" with Kagome. They seem to have found something in each other that no one else had. When we got home Kagome was already asleep on the couch, I didn’t really notice how late it was before. Sesshoumaru waited until I went off to my room before he picked Kagome up and put her in her room.
Those two were made for one another. I feel sorry for Inuyasha, he was given everything that he could ever want, that’s why he turned out the way he did. It may not seem like it, but I do love Inuyasha. I am trying to teach him a lesson with all of these pranks. Maybe one day he’ll actually thank me instead of trying to kill me.
"One day Inuyasha, we’ll get along."
I closed my eyes, I had a rough day and I just wanted it to be over with, and now it is.
* * * * * * * * * * * Sesshoumaru’s POV * * * * * * * * * * *
I knew one day she would ask me, but I did not think it would be today of all days. I have always been happy with just my sister by my side, but a part of me wished our mother was still here with us. Kira was always my best-friend and my sister, the only person that knew everything about me, but our mother was something special. She always knew when something was wrong, and she always knew how to make it better. Our father never knew how wonderful she was, he couldn’t have known, because if he did she would still be here with us. Mother left us all, she knew that out father could never love her like she knew she deserved, so she left us all in search of a love that was fit for her. I never told Kira what had happened, she was naive when it came to the real world. I told her our mother had died trying to protect us, but when father got re-married I almost told her the truth. So many times I had wanted to go out and find her, it would not have been that hard, but I could not bring myself to face her.
My life would seem perfect to a lot of people, but if they knew everything I am hiding, they would never look at me the same again. There are so many problems that have arisen that I do not know what to do half of the time. For now Kagome is safe, but the mystery remains of why someone would send her a note like that. Speaking of Kagome, why can I not figure out these feelings I have for her. I suppose in time I will figure them out. but in the mean time I have to figure out how I should go about the Kouga employment thing, and not to mention the call from my father I know that I am going to get. Inuyasha has been more of a pain as of late, it is like he is trying to make up for lost time, but when did he ever lose time?
"Time., that is what I need."
I sat down rubbing my temples, it felt like a head-ache was coming on again. It seems I have been getting more and more lately. It is hard to think of solutions for all of these problems when I know that my sister is hurting like she is. She may not have really loved him, but I know she hurts all the same. I wish I could help her like I use to in the past, but this is a new problem that I am dealing with. When her human love had died she locked herself in her room for months, I could hear her crying every night, but at least then I had a way of helping her. I brought her food, I just took care of her, but right now I can not do that. She needs to be alone, but it hurts me to see her hurting so much.
"Just think of something else."
Kira had told me a few months ago that Kagome had children, or at least she was trying to adopt two children hat she had gotten quite attached too. She said that Kagome was not able to adopted them because of her money and living situation. I had given her a raise and a second job, but it seems that was not good enough for them. Perhaps this could be the next problem I solve, and it will get me on a role to solve all of the others, anything to get my mind off of my sister.
* * * * * * * * * * * Kagome’s POV * * * * * * * * * * *
I woke up in the middle of the night. I could hear Kira in her room listening to some music. I could not tell what it was exactly, but I knew it was something sad. I am glad to know that Sesshoumaru had found her, or at least I think he did. Kira is like my older sister like I had said to many people many times already, I was worried sick about her. I was all set to leave with Sesshoumaru, but he said I should stay home and wait for them to get back, he said that it was something that they needed to talk out before she talked to anyone else.
I got out of bed early in the morning, I did not have to work for a few more hours, but I had to talk to Kira as soon as I could get the chance, and now seemed like the perfect time. I threw on some clothes from my floor, IO have not gotten a chance to clean up in a while, and made my way towards Kira’s room. I knocked on the door and waited for her sleepy reply. It seems she had stayed up later than I thought, considering she’s someone who likes to get as much sleep as possible, her night must have been worse than I thought.
"I said come in."
I opened the door to find her laying on her bed, the covers over her head like I used to do when my mother would wake me up for school and I wouldn’t want to get up.
"Kira-chan?"
I stepped in and shut the door behind me, I knew if Sesshoumaru saw her like this he would make some sort of remark that would end in a fight, and I did not feel much like refereeing today.
"Are you alright?" I asked as I walked closer to her, it was weird to see her like this
She always seemed so together, like nothing could ever get her down. She was like a big kid who could never get her feelings hurt.
"I’m fine, a little tired though. I might not be at work today, can you tell Sesshoumaru?"
"Hai, I’ll tell him as soon as I see him. Do you want me to see if I can go into work late today?"
"Iie, I’ll be fine alone. I might go out for a walk later on, you know to clear my head." She said lifting the covers a bit so that I could see her attempt at a smile
"Okay, but if you need me than just call and I will come home."
"I will if I need to. Bai."
"Bai."
I walked out of the room and shut the door back. I wanted to talk to her a bit more, and in depth a bit, but she is just so out of it. It’s like she’s not the same girl I remember, she was always so strong about everything, it’s hard to see her like this. I feel responsible for this, she was so wrapped up with me and my petty problems that she didn’t have time to spend with Kouga, so in turn he found someone else to spend time with and that ruined her life. I always seem to ruin peoples lives, mostly my own, but other peoples too. I sometimes think that I should just move far away from here and live alone where no one can ever find me, then I could die without feeling guilt, or hurt, or anything at all. I would miss everyone though, Kira more than most, Sango for sure, Miroku just enough, and Sesshoumaru more than anyone would think.
Over the past few weeks I have noticed him even more than I did before. It wasn’t until the day at the beach that I realized how handsome and sweet he was. I felt so guilty after that kiss, I had been so broken up over Inuyasha, but then all of a sudden I was kissing his older brother, it just felt so wrong to me. I am not the type of girl to do that, but I don’t really know what type of girl I am now that I think about it. I have only had one "real" relationship, and that was with Inuyasha. I just wish for once that I could be happy and not hurt anyone in the process.
"Is my sister up yet, or must I drag her out of bed." Sesshoumaru asked as soon as I entered the dining room
"She says she isn’t going to work today, but she might go out for a walk later." I said as I sat down and began to eat
"Fine, but I think that she should be there today."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
So how was it? I tried my best, but I haven’t been able to write for so long it may take me a while to get out a nice long chapter worth reading. I got a flame on mediaminer.org for this fic, does everyone think that Kira and Kagome are acting that childish? I asked some friends of mine and they love how they are acting, but of course I have over 30 chapters to go, so things will change a bit in their behavior. I can't answer reviews, but thanks for reviewing and all of the nice things you all have said regarding that flame.
* * * * * * * * * * *Kira’s POV * * * * * * * * * * *
Love sucks. I thought I would have learned that a long time ago, god knows I’ve been around long enough to have learned that. I wanted to believe that there was a guy out there for me. One who would do anything for me, one that would never even think about hurting me, so in other words mister right. I was stupid, stupid, blind, and pathetic.
Love is not like that at all. Sure there are some nice, sweet guys out there who would be faithful to you, and who would do everything in their power to never hurt you, but they just happen to be taken or gay. The few nice guys that aren’t gay or already taken seem to be the guys you are most un-attracted to. I’ve noticed this throughout the years; we either want the bad boys, or the rich boys. We never seem to want the guys standing right in front of us, all we want to do is be friends with them, talk to them about all of the guys that you want and can’t have.
The more I think about this the less sense it makes, but at the same time it makes more sense than it doesn’t. So in all of this "love sucks" just seems like the best statement to describe this night, and every night for the rest of my life.
"Kill Kouga. No kill Kouga."
"Kill Kouga. No kill Kouga."
"Tough choice. Killing him would make me feel a lot better, but not killing him would save me the prison record, and ultimately kill him from the inside once the guilt of what he did kicks in. Tough."
I thought killing him wouldn’t be so hard; I’ve killed people for less in the past. I guess I grew up since then, of course I could always maim him and not feel bad at all. I hate him right now, more than anyone will ever have the pleasure of knowing, but something inside is telling me not too. Damn this conscience of mine, I want to know when the hell I got cursed with it. I want to see him suffer, I want to see him in pain, but I can’t give him the pleasure of death by my hands, or anyone else's for that matter. Death will be a release for him in the end, and I don’t want him to feel anything good. So how do I hurt him without killing him?
I could have used Hiten to do it, but now it won’t work, and it wouldn’t be fair to Hiten to be used like that when he seems to still care about me is some way, be in love or like.
"I’ve been walking forever, what’s the answer? What’s the answer to this hell I call life!?" I ended up screaming, but there was no one around to hear me
I walked all the way to the park by the old "sacred" tree that we use to play at. Sitting on the swings always made me feel better, but not today. My life is falling apart, and I couldn’t see it, I was so caught up in acting like a child that I couldn’t see my life falling away from me. I blame the media. I swear that they control almost every aspect of peoples lives, or maybe that’s just what we want to believe, or what they want us to believe. Maybe I should just blame Kouga, or me yeah Kouga seems like the right choice.
This is one of those times when I feel like screaming "I want my mommy" or for me really "I want my Sessy-chan". I depend on my brother too much. I’ve been turning his life upside down since I can remember, but he’s never once complained, he’s just there for me.
He’s the once who always gets me out of trouble, but he can’t this time.
"What’s wrong with me?"
"Nothing."
"Then why did this happen? What did I do wrong?"
"You did nothing wrong. This happened because this is how life works; it is like this for everyone, not just you."
"Sess-chan, I don’t want to hurt like this anymore."
I turned to my brother, always there to comfort me, always there for me.
"I know. I wish that the pain would leave you, but that will take time." His voice softened as he slightly pushed the swing I was still sitting in
It was nice to have him here, but I wish that I didn’t need him so much. I’ll never make it by myself; I need my brother, plain and simple.
I had loved the perfect man once, but time was not kind for him. Humans grow old and die, and I would give my life to be one, to have been able to spend a short life with him. I love my brother with all that I have, but he would have done just fine without me, he WILL do just fine without me.
"Sess-chan?" I asked as I stopped the swing and turned my head to look back at him
"Hmm?"
"You would have been fine without me, right?"
"Why are you asking something like that?"
"For future reference." I answered, I knew he thought my question was weird
"In a way I suppose I would have, but then again I doubt I would have known what to do with myself, but we will not have to worry about that for a while, ne?"
"Yeah." I said, trying not to sigh, but I did anyways
It all just clicked in my head. All of this with Kouga wasn’t bothering me in the right way. I’m mad because now I won’t be leaving. Sesshoumaru is suffocating me. He doesn’t mean to do it, but he is and I am just trying to find any possible way out.
Sesshoumaru silently pushed me as I thought all of this through in my head. He was good at that, being silent and never speaking his mind, it’s like he’s afraid someone would steal his thoughts if he let just one out. When we were children he wasn’t like this, but one day it all changed. I miss those simple days when we use to run around getting into trouble, laughing at any and everything. We had our mother and father back then, we were so happy together, I don’t even remember everything that had happened back then, I just remember being happy. I think Sesshoumaru knows what happened, but he won’t tell me, another way for him to protect me.
"Are you happy with our life?" I don’t even know why I asked, but there was no way to stop it now, and I really wanted to know
"Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?"
"Because you seemed to be happier when mother was with us." I answered before thinking at all, mother was always someone we never really talked about anymore, it was always painful
He stopped pushing me and just stood there trying to act like his impassive self; I never did buy it.
"Is she why I can’t find love? Why WE can’t find love?" My brain had stopped working about ten minutes ago, now it was just spouting out anything it could to try and find the secret to life and love
"No. You can not find love because you are looking to hard for it. Try waiting for love to find you, because you are just going to drive yourself mad doing what you are. As for me, I will find love when I find it." He almost sounded like he knew what he was talking about, until he said that last part, he was scared of love and I’ve known it for years
"You’re right. I don’t think I really loved him, not the love I should have felt at least." My brain was working again, and just in time, who knows what I would have asked or said next
"You can and will find love, but it will take some time. Are you willing to wait?"
I nodded my head yes, though I’m not so sure that I can wait. Sesshoumaru started pushing me again, and I started to get happy again, like when I was a kid.
"So what now? What is going to happen now?" It seemed like some-what of a logical question to ask, but what would I know
"You are going to go on with your life, live like you were never hurt." He answered
I nodded, but I couldn’t do that. I was hurt, I still am, and I will be for a long time to come.
"Let’s go, I’m sure Kagome is waiting for us." I said stopping the swing and standing up
"Hai, she is. I told her to wait at home while I found you."
It was silent for a second, I hate silence and my brother knows that, I think that’s why he never talks just to annoy me.
"Do you like her?" I blurted out, I had been dying to ask him, and the silence just gave me the perfect opportunity
"Who?"
"Kagome. I’ve noticed how you look at her, by the way, how was the beach?" I tried not to, but I winked at him when I asked that, I am evil hear me roar
"The beach was nice, the sun was out and the water was just about perfect, but if you are suggesting that Kagome and I are more than just friends, than you are sadly mistaken." He didn’t sound mad at the question, just kind of firm with his answer, typical him
"Fine, but I will be laughing at your wedding." I said then ran off before he decided to cut my head off or something
We walked home in silence, again with the damn silence. He seemed to have gotten over my little comment because he had left me alone for the most part. It was a comfortable silence this time around, we just seemed to be enjoying being around each other. Our life had never really been that easy, though people would disagree because of how much money we have, and have always had. Sesshoumaru’s life seems to be getting better though, I’m happy for him and his new found "friendship" with Kagome. They seem to have found something in each other that no one else had. When we got home Kagome was already asleep on the couch, I didn’t really notice how late it was before. Sesshoumaru waited until I went off to my room before he picked Kagome up and put her in her room.
Those two were made for one another. I feel sorry for Inuyasha, he was given everything that he could ever want, that’s why he turned out the way he did. It may not seem like it, but I do love Inuyasha. I am trying to teach him a lesson with all of these pranks. Maybe one day he’ll actually thank me instead of trying to kill me.
"One day Inuyasha, we’ll get along."
I closed my eyes, I had a rough day and I just wanted it to be over with, and now it is.
* * * * * * * * * * * Sesshoumaru’s POV * * * * * * * * * * *
I knew one day she would ask me, but I did not think it would be today of all days. I have always been happy with just my sister by my side, but a part of me wished our mother was still here with us. Kira was always my best-friend and my sister, the only person that knew everything about me, but our mother was something special. She always knew when something was wrong, and she always knew how to make it better. Our father never knew how wonderful she was, he couldn’t have known, because if he did she would still be here with us. Mother left us all, she knew that out father could never love her like she knew she deserved, so she left us all in search of a love that was fit for her. I never told Kira what had happened, she was naive when it came to the real world. I told her our mother had died trying to protect us, but when father got re-married I almost told her the truth. So many times I had wanted to go out and find her, it would not have been that hard, but I could not bring myself to face her.
My life would seem perfect to a lot of people, but if they knew everything I am hiding, they would never look at me the same again. There are so many problems that have arisen that I do not know what to do half of the time. For now Kagome is safe, but the mystery remains of why someone would send her a note like that. Speaking of Kagome, why can I not figure out these feelings I have for her. I suppose in time I will figure them out. but in the mean time I have to figure out how I should go about the Kouga employment thing, and not to mention the call from my father I know that I am going to get. Inuyasha has been more of a pain as of late, it is like he is trying to make up for lost time, but when did he ever lose time?
"Time., that is what I need."
I sat down rubbing my temples, it felt like a head-ache was coming on again. It seems I have been getting more and more lately. It is hard to think of solutions for all of these problems when I know that my sister is hurting like she is. She may not have really loved him, but I know she hurts all the same. I wish I could help her like I use to in the past, but this is a new problem that I am dealing with. When her human love had died she locked herself in her room for months, I could hear her crying every night, but at least then I had a way of helping her. I brought her food, I just took care of her, but right now I can not do that. She needs to be alone, but it hurts me to see her hurting so much.
"Just think of something else."
Kira had told me a few months ago that Kagome had children, or at least she was trying to adopt two children hat she had gotten quite attached too. She said that Kagome was not able to adopted them because of her money and living situation. I had given her a raise and a second job, but it seems that was not good enough for them. Perhaps this could be the next problem I solve, and it will get me on a role to solve all of the others, anything to get my mind off of my sister.
* * * * * * * * * * * Kagome’s POV * * * * * * * * * * *
I woke up in the middle of the night. I could hear Kira in her room listening to some music. I could not tell what it was exactly, but I knew it was something sad. I am glad to know that Sesshoumaru had found her, or at least I think he did. Kira is like my older sister like I had said to many people many times already, I was worried sick about her. I was all set to leave with Sesshoumaru, but he said I should stay home and wait for them to get back, he said that it was something that they needed to talk out before she talked to anyone else.
I got out of bed early in the morning, I did not have to work for a few more hours, but I had to talk to Kira as soon as I could get the chance, and now seemed like the perfect time. I threw on some clothes from my floor, IO have not gotten a chance to clean up in a while, and made my way towards Kira’s room. I knocked on the door and waited for her sleepy reply. It seems she had stayed up later than I thought, considering she’s someone who likes to get as much sleep as possible, her night must have been worse than I thought.
"I said come in."
I opened the door to find her laying on her bed, the covers over her head like I used to do when my mother would wake me up for school and I wouldn’t want to get up.
"Kira-chan?"
I stepped in and shut the door behind me, I knew if Sesshoumaru saw her like this he would make some sort of remark that would end in a fight, and I did not feel much like refereeing today.
"Are you alright?" I asked as I walked closer to her, it was weird to see her like this
She always seemed so together, like nothing could ever get her down. She was like a big kid who could never get her feelings hurt.
"I’m fine, a little tired though. I might not be at work today, can you tell Sesshoumaru?"
"Hai, I’ll tell him as soon as I see him. Do you want me to see if I can go into work late today?"
"Iie, I’ll be fine alone. I might go out for a walk later on, you know to clear my head." She said lifting the covers a bit so that I could see her attempt at a smile
"Okay, but if you need me than just call and I will come home."
"I will if I need to. Bai."
"Bai."
I walked out of the room and shut the door back. I wanted to talk to her a bit more, and in depth a bit, but she is just so out of it. It’s like she’s not the same girl I remember, she was always so strong about everything, it’s hard to see her like this. I feel responsible for this, she was so wrapped up with me and my petty problems that she didn’t have time to spend with Kouga, so in turn he found someone else to spend time with and that ruined her life. I always seem to ruin peoples lives, mostly my own, but other peoples too. I sometimes think that I should just move far away from here and live alone where no one can ever find me, then I could die without feeling guilt, or hurt, or anything at all. I would miss everyone though, Kira more than most, Sango for sure, Miroku just enough, and Sesshoumaru more than anyone would think.
Over the past few weeks I have noticed him even more than I did before. It wasn’t until the day at the beach that I realized how handsome and sweet he was. I felt so guilty after that kiss, I had been so broken up over Inuyasha, but then all of a sudden I was kissing his older brother, it just felt so wrong to me. I am not the type of girl to do that, but I don’t really know what type of girl I am now that I think about it. I have only had one "real" relationship, and that was with Inuyasha. I just wish for once that I could be happy and not hurt anyone in the process.
"Is my sister up yet, or must I drag her out of bed." Sesshoumaru asked as soon as I entered the dining room
"She says she isn’t going to work today, but she might go out for a walk later." I said as I sat down and began to eat
"Fine, but I think that she should be there today."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
So how was it? I tried my best, but I haven’t been able to write for so long it may take me a while to get out a nice long chapter worth reading. I got a flame on mediaminer.org for this fic, does everyone think that Kira and Kagome are acting that childish? I asked some friends of mine and they love how they are acting, but of course I have over 30 chapters to go, so things will change a bit in their behavior. I can't answer reviews, but thanks for reviewing and all of the nice things you all have said regarding that flame.