InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Male Migraines ❯ A Half Assed Story ( Chapter 4 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

It was nearing Inuyasha's bedtime of 8 o'clock. Sesshomaru had long since abandoned reading his book due to the constant needs of Inuyasha, like a straw to drink his milk or, after getting paint on his clothes, a crimson outfit. Straight home decor. Now as a final request, Inuyasha wanted a story read to him. And not just any book, Kama Sutra.

Sesshomaru couldn't bring himself to look at the cover again, much less touch the book. "Inuyasha, why? You have all of these books in here and you want me to read you this?!" "Yeah, mommy says that I'm getting to be a big boy so I should read big boy things and since you were reading this, I figured it was a book ment for older kids." Sesshomaru gave a huge sigh and closed his eyes for a moment. A picture flashed through his mind, one where Izayoi was looking at him with disgust on her face, pointing to the book that was in Inutaisho's hands. Inutaisho though, was smiling his ass off and nodding while reading the book. He shook his head to rid him of yet another disturbing thought.

"Here, if I must read to you, I'll read something to you from your own inventory. How about...the Three Little Bears?" Inuyasha huffed and crossed his arms. "That shit's boring. I've already read it like a bijillion, million times." Sesshomaru gave a slow blink. "That's not even a fucking number." "I'm like, three years old, so yeah, it it is!" Inuyasha retorted. Sesshomaru gave another sigh and scanned his books again. "Fine, if you don't like that, how about the Little Engine That Could." "Pssht, that's wack too! The fuckin' title gives the ending away."

Rather than responding right away, Sesshomaru looked over everything in the shelves to find what would be the best book. He finally settled on: "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Hey, that has you written all over it!" Inuyasha gave him a slow blink back. "You just don't know how fuckin' racist that sounds to me. To hell with you Sesshomaru! But go ahead, read it. But change some of the parts to make it more interesting. And skip around. Oh, and make sure you add the British accents. If there's one thing I can't stand besides cottage cheese, brussels sprouts, and asparagus, it's a person who reads in monotone."

Sesshomaru flipped open the book to the middle. " 'You think you're so perfect, don't you Potter?' Professor Snape said. Harry curled his fist tightly around his wand. "No, I--" "That's boooorrrring!" Inuyasha cut in. "Come on, change it up! You're putting me to sleep!" Isin't that the point? Sesshomaru thought. But he gave a deep breath and started again in a high, girlish pitch. "Yes, I do think I'm perfect! In fact, I'm better than everyone in this school, even better than Dumbledore! And I hate Ron and Hermoine!" Inuyasha turned to him angrily.

"What the fuck is that?! 'I'm better than Dumbledore!' Oh, God that's cheap! Come on, make Harry do something bold and daring!" Right, like that's not what happens in every book anyways. Sesshomaru threw the book down. "Fine, you want different, here it is. Harry was born in a mansion. A huge ass mansion, bigger than ours--" "Uh uh, it can't be bigger than ours." Inuyasha said. "It can be as big as ours, though." Sesshomaru gave him a side-ways glance and continued. "Anyways, so he lived in this mansion, right. And he lived with his dad and step mom with her ugly mixed breed kid. He was like half Polish and half Antartican or something."

"Well, one day he got tired of his damn parents doting on the freakin' kid so he did away with them. He stabbed his wanna-be momma in her sleep and ground her body in the blender and he did away with his dad by--no, wait. He let his dad live because his dad was cool. But they both hated the other kid so they pushed him in the way of the lawn mower and ran him over, then threw his parts in the drive way. They both hopped in the monster truck and ran over what was left of him. Then they swung by Ron and Hermione's cribs and picked them up. As soon as they got in, they started fuckin' in the back seat of the truck and Harry's dad tried to join in on the action. But Ron was being stingy and wouldn't let him."

"Anyways, so they got to the club and they're bumpin' their music and playing some song about flyin' high and not lying and about ballin' and some shit. As they enter, all eyes are on Harry cause, you know he got that krunk ass scar on his forehead and shit, and all the ladies were up on him like "Aye, poppy. This lil chica wanna see what ya got." So he hits the dance floor with about four fine ho's and they all having a good time and he see's his school's head master, Dumbledore there gettin' his freak on with the deputy head mistress, Professor McGonagall and as the DJ plays Pretty Ricky's song "Grind on Me", Professor Snape is getting grinded on by the divinations teacher, Professor Trelawney. But the whole thing ends by some guy getting pissed about some other guy saying he's wrong about it being Ulysses S. Grant on the 50 dollar bill and pulling his glock out. So Harry, his dad, Ron, Hermione, and all the teachers pile up in the truck and go home to get drunk and throw up all over the place. The end."

A/N: I will explain all of this at the end for those of you who are completly clueless. I only know this because, well, I'm a friggin book nerd and have read every Harry Potter book as of yet. Yeah, and I'm about to be eighteen...

Inuyasha had pulled the covers over his face, nothing but his ears sticking out of the top. They were shaking. "Ses-Sesshomaru? I don't want you to read to me anymore," he said in a little kid voice for once. Sesshomaru smirked. "Good. Because I was going to say that if you wanted me to give you another story, I could remix Eragon for you." "No! Don't touch Eragon!" Another smirk.

Trying to undo some of the damage that he had done so the little bastard wouldn't go and tell his mom on him, Sesshomaru tucked the covers around his shoulders. "Got to sleep. And don't be calling me in the middle of the night asking for shit like a crack head." He flicked ont he light on his end table, then shut out the room light. He left the door open a crack and turned on the bathroom light. Damn, I'm am such a good brother. He scoffed and rolled his eyes. Yeah the fuck right.


Okay, this was more of a random chapter (well, which one's arn't?). But as for the whole Harry Potter thing, I simply needed a plot to help elapse time. I didn't want to just jump to the next day, but I'm done with writing about the present one. Does that make any sense? I hope so, cause I'm not explaining! Oh, and as for the song that Harry was supposedly playing as they were heading to the club, it was Jim Jones' song Ballin'. Another throwed fact for the books...

So, about Harry...hm, I think some parts are pretty self-explanatory. For example, the head master is the same thing as his principal, whose name is Dumbledore. The deputy head mistress is like the vice principal (but in the story, she doubles as a teacher as well) whose name is professor Mcgonagall. Divinations is a study of the future, I believe. I know in the story that they're always trying to figure out their fortunes and that has to do with the future. Anyways, their teachers name is professor Trelawney. Professor Snape is Harry's potion's teacher. Ron and Hermione (her name is pronounced "her-my-oh-knee". In one of the books, she herself broke her name down like that.) are Harry's friends. And considering my age, I perhaps shouldn't know all of this...or I shouldn't remember it...then again, I was about eleven when I started reading the books...but going on! Please review and tell me what you thought of all the wack and crazy ideas I threw into this!