InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Malice ❯ Dreaming: Screams in the Night ( Chapter 8 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

A/N: The quotes at the beginning of the chapter are from episode 125.

Chapter 8: Dreaming: Screams in the Night

The maliceof the soldiers is contagious---

The human heart is weak, and this girl is no exception---

The
malice of the---

The human heart is weak, and this girl---

The
malice---

The human heart is weak---
.
---Malice
---

Kagome sat up with a gasp, sweat running down her face and eyes wide and unseeing. She was still locked in the nightmare that she'd just come screaming out of, still seeing Naraku's infant as he had been on that day, still hearing the words that he'd spoken.

Shaking, she came back to herself as she became aware that she'd woken everyone else, and turned blank, horrified eyes on Sango, who was sitting in front of her gripping her arms, trying to talk her down. As she became aware of what Sango was saying, she turned her face to the far side of the fire, and saw Miroku trying to calm Inuyasha, who was standing there, Tessaiga drawn and fully transformed, staring at her, desperate fear still in his gaze.

Shaking her head and putting her hands up to Sango, she gently pushed her back and crawled up onto her knees, where she bent herself almost double, trying to calm her racing heart and pull in much needed air. She knew she must have been screaming hard, because her throat hurt and her sides were sore, and she felt sadness flow through her when she realized how badly she must have terrified the others. Finally, breathing almost calm, she sat back and looked up.

Everyone was still staring at her.

"I'm sorry, you guys." Her voice was soft and hoarse, unbearably sad, and had guilty overtones. "I didn't mean to worry anyone, or wake you all up from sleep like that. It was just," a haunted look hit her eyes, "just a nightmare. I'll be alright."

Inuyasha, who'd refused to look away from her since the moment she'd started screaming, shook his head. "Don't apologize, Kagome, you didn't do anything wrong." His voice was steady, reassuring, and Kagome would never know how hard it was for him to maintain an illusion of calm when his soul was screaming with hatred for the one who'd done this to her, and all he wanted to do was destroy everything that could ever possibly harm her.

A hint of desperation entered his voice, then, and he asked, "What were you dreaming about, Kagome, that would make you scream like that?? Please... tell me?"

She'd looked over at him as he'd spoken to her, but looked away at that last part, not sure she wanted to say it out loud. As long as she kept it in dreams, that's all it was, and she could escape it by simply waking up, but if she spoke the words, it made it real - and left nowhere for her to hide, nowhere to feel safe.

And that's what she so badly needed - a place to feel safe.

Fingers fidgeting in her lap as she thought about it, she finally looked up and nodded. "It was... the infant. I was remembering," her voice weakened, getting faint for a moment, "something he said, and the feeling," she shuddered, her face scrunching up in a frown, "of him sifting through my soul." Her eyes closed, totally ignoring the dead silence from the rest of the group, she continued in that same soft, flat voice.

"It was the worst kind of, I don't know... violation, a true," she hesitated for a long moment, "rape, of the soul, of everything that I am." Slowly opening her eyes again, she refused to meet anyone's gaze, instead staring away into space.

When she spoke again, it sent shivers down everyone's spine, it was so empty, devoid of any warmth or life.

"When he said that, you remember, Sango, you told me about it, that he said that about crushing my soul. What he said about that... he wasn't just saying it - he almost did. There aren't any words, in any language, that could ever describe that..." she trailed off into silence, still staring into the night blankly.

Inuyasha finally pushed Miroku aside and strode over to her, sheathing Tessaiga as he came, before kneeling down in front of her. "Kagome, stop. Forget about it, and tell me what you need to be comfortable again, maybe go back to sleep." He frowned, looking at the shadows under her eyes. "You obviously aren't getting enough, and you need to stay strong."

Please, wench, please come back to me... I can't stand to see you this way! The deadness in your eyes hurts so much.

At that, she laughed. It was a hollow sound, bringing visions of cold, empty spaces, of things frozen in an eternal winter. "Sleep? I don't want to sleep, Inuyasha... sleeping hurts. If I could figure out a way to do it, I'd never sleep again." Still quietly laughing, she almost looked amused. "Because you see, when you sleep? You dream."

Miroku sighed. "Kagome, the only way to never need sleep again is if you die. It doesn't work that way - you need to sleep sometimes."

She looked up at that, meeting his gaze head on, and he shivered, because the look in her eyes - Kaede was right. It spoke of death. Her own. She planned to destroy Naraku, and die in that fight.

"I don't think that would be so bad, Miroku." Again, she laughed when she heard everyone's indrawn breaths. "Seems a fair trade to me. I'd get plenty of sleep then, wouldn't I?"

Her voice became vehement. "But I wouldn't ever have to dream again."

Inuyasha drew back from her in horror, all her companions staring at her as if they'd never seen her before. And they hadn't, not really.

Because the Kagome they'd known before no longer existed. That Kagome had been pure, happy, brought up in joy and always protected. This Kagome had been born into the world in blood and horror, malice and hatred, and with no one to protect her.

Like inside the Shikon no Tama itself, a tiny, seemingly insignificant dark taint was forming in the pure core of the Miko.

zZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz

"Miroku?"

The monk looked up from his spot on the hill, smiling a little when he saw who it was. Sango looked back, sad, scared, and grieving, and obviously needing comfort. As did the young fox kit curled on her shoulder.

Poor Shippo... he doesn't even understand what's happened, and yet it's affecting him as much as anyone.

The little kitsune had been sent to stay with Kaede's nephew when Kagome had had her attack that day by the well, and now he was having to be left behind as they, at Kagome's insistance, were leaving on another shard hunt this very afternoon.

There was no way they could take him, he would never be able to handle the way Kagome was right now.

"Sango. Shippo, I'm glad to see you, I didn't want to leave without spending a little time with you." He patted his shoulder. "Would you come sit with me for a little while, my young friend?"

Shippo nodded and scampered down from Sango's shoulder, and right back up onto Miroku's. He snifled. "I'm gonna miss you guys, Miroku. I don't understand why I can't come... and why's Kagome acting so weird?" He rubbed his eyes with his hands. "Maybe... maybe that isn't really Kagome, because she doesn't act like Kagome. She's even starting to smell different."

Sango looked at Miroku with alarm. "What do you mean 'smell different', Shippo?"

"Well, she doesn't smell like Kagome." At their mystified looks, he sighed. "Weak human noses. Okay, like, Kagome always smells like sakkura blossoms. Always. Even when she's dirty and wants a bath, there's always the scent of sakkura on her. But now her sakkura smell is getting weaker, and instead, it's like she's sick. This other smell is taking over. It's like sickness - and graves."

He shook his head and frowned sadly.

"I miss her scent." He brightened suddenly for a moment. "You should just ask Inuyasha, he would know what I'm talking about. He always loved her scent too, sometimes, after he'd carried her on his back, he'd go off by himself and take off his haori and sit in a tree and just hold it to his face and breath in her scent."

Miroku and Sango looked at each other and grinned, enjoying the lightened moment. There had been none since Kagome had been taken. Trust that it would be Shippo spilling the beans after spying on the hanyou that would be the catalyst for it, too. If that wasn't a telling behavior on Inuyasha's part, they didn't know what was.

And then both sobered abruptly, remembering exactly why they'd just learned that little tid-bit.

Miroku nodded at his companions. "I will speak to Inuyasha this evening when we make camp." He smile at Shippo. "You're very observant, Shippo, and I'm glad you told us about this. The more we know about what's happening to Kagome, the better chance we have to help her. You did well."

Shippo smiled happily. "You think so, Miroku?"

"Yes, Shippo, I do."

Sango reached over and patted his head fondly. "You know, Shippo, while we're gone, you have to keep it together. You'll be responsible for protecting the village." She'd deliberately used his favorite phrase against him, the one he always recited when trouble was brewing and he had to buck up his courage. It worked.

"I know, Sango, and I promise I will take very good care of everyone."

Silence fell between the friends as they all became lost in their own thoughts, and yet, aware and glad that the others were there with them.

zZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz

Inuyasha watched Kagome with an eagle eye as she walked in front of him.

While she'd been otherwise occupied this morning, working with Kaede, he'd snuck off and gone down the well. He'd cornered her mother and explained that Kagome wasn't sleeping well, and her mother, amazingly not asking any questions, had handed him some packets of powders that could be dissolved in her drink that would help her sleep. After thanking her, he'd come back, making sure to keep the packets hidden from her.

You're gonna sleep, wench, if I have to drug you up every night to do it.

"---I can stop the pain, if I will it all away, if I will it all away---"

Tilting his ears forward sharply forward, he caught the fading sounds of Kagome singing something... and his heart clenched, because what he was hearing was dark, not like Kagome at all, the words were disturbing. It seemed to be about not sleeping, a song about nightmares.

Fuck! I hope these powders make her sleep without dreaming - she needs some relief from this, since Sango said that she's pretty much had nightmares every night since... that day. If she doesn't get some sleep, decent sleep, I don't know what we'll do.

He gazed at her back, watching her hair sway with her movements.

What walks through your nightmares, Kagome? And why won't you tell me? What could Naraku possibly have done that you would believe you're tainted - I don't think it's even possible to destroy your purity, my onna, I think your spirit will eventually fight back, and regain itself. But I don't want to watch you shred yourself while you learn that, Kagome... it hurts me so much, knowing that you hurt, and that I failed to protect you.

"---I'm frightened, by what I see, but somehow I know, there's much more to come---"

"Oi, Kagome... whatcha singin'?" Not that he really wanted to know, it was truly disturbing, especially as she wasn't really singing those words as much as chanting them, but maybe he could distract her.

Besides, she needed to start talking again, not hold it all in anymore. If I don't get her to start opening up soon, I could lose her - it's unnatural for her to be so self-contained.

She stiffened for a moment, before glancing at him over her shoulder. "Just a song I learned a couple of weeks ago. Why?"

"Well, uh, it seems, a little, uh... well - damn it wench, it just doesn't seem like you! It's all dark and dreary and freaky, and that ain't normal for you," he hissed.

"That was the old Kagome, the stupid little girl that didn't know anything about reality, always believing all the good crap." She laughed bitterly. "Unfortunately, reality isn't like that, it resembles this 'dark, dreary, freaky' song much more."

Sighing, she waved her hands at him.

"Just let it go, Inuyasha. I know all of life isn't bad - but right now, this is how I feel. Let me work it out in my own way."

He reached towards her, pulling back slowly when she flinched, sadness etching his face. "Kagome," he closed his eyes and dropped his hand, "we won't get far traveling like this, you know. Whether I carry you, or you sit on Kirara with Sango, sooner or later you'll have to let someone touch you." He opened his eyes again, golden orbs darkening with pain as he gazed at her.

"I hope you'll choose me, Kagome - it hurts when you flinch away from me, like you're afraid I'll hurt you. I know I failed you, damn it, but I'd never willingly attack you, you must know that!"

Kagome stared at him, for once shaken out of her own pain. She flinched when she realized how selfish she was being.

I didn't realize how much this was affecting the others... she glanced behind at the two following along behind, noting their strained faces and saddened eyes. Gods... now I feel awful. I've been acting like a spoiled brat lately. It's not their fault, and I've been acting like I'm the only one that bastard has hurt.

Look at Sango, losing her whole village at his hand, and as for her brother, how many people can claim to have lost one person over and over? It would have been easier if he'd just died, but no - for her, it's like he
keeps dying, repeatedly. And yet she still goes on - I feel so ashamed.

And Inuyasha... Naraku has probably hurt him more than anyone else, and yet he still cares, still tries to help me - and Miroku, the fear he lives with every day, what right do I have to whine about my troubles?

Lowering her face, shamed and saddened, she stopped, spinning and facing her friends, who had immediately halted when she did.

Unable to look at them, she spoke, still with head lowered. "I'm so sorry, you guys! I've been being selfish, only thinking of my hurt, and not paying any attention to yours." She finally looked up, pleadlingly. "Please, forgive me - and if I start to go away again, and I will, I know it, because this isn't over, but when I do, do whatever you have to do to yank me back, okay?"

Inuyasha's eyes widened in hope, hesitantly, he reached his hand out to her again, palm open, and his heart surged with joy when she slowly held out her hand, closing her eyes for a moment, she swallowed hard, obviously gathering her courage, and finally held her hand to his, palm to palm, and he immediately closed his fingers around hers.

Everyone smiled at the sight, but for Inuyasha, that one moment would forever live in his mind, everything but her had faded from his consciousness, and he could only stare at her as he held her captive with just his hand.

I'm here, my onna, I'm here and I'm never going away, never letting go of you.

Tugging lightly on her hand, he pulled her forward just slightly, staring into her eyes with an intensity she'd never seen before, literally willing her to feel what he was feeling, to understand what he was thinking.

Come to me, Kagome, be with me, never leave me... just as I will never leave you, ever again. From this day forward, we will never be apart, do you understand? Do you see?

"From this day forward... " she whispered, her eyes wide, mesmerized, and he knew in that moment, his Kagome was still there, buried deeply, true, but still fighting to come back, and he would be damned if he'd give up on her.

"That's right, Kagome - from this day forward," he said fiercely. "No matter what you think has been done to you, it doesn't matter to me. We will never be apart again."

Miroku and Sango just watched, awed, at the two that stood before them in the dying light of the day. They'd never seen such intensity from the hanyou - and that was saying something, because he was one of the most intense people either of them had ever known.

As for Kagome? She looked like a woman caught by a snake youkai, almost hypnotized, and they knew she was completely unaware of anything except Inuyasha in that moment.

It was unfortunate that the moment had to come to an end - because as it did, they could see the agony she'd been living with for weeks bleed back into her eyes as their hands finally parted. But, miracle that it was, there was a little bit of Kagome in her eyes again, not just the misery, and everyone felt their spirits rise at that small gain.

"Well, what do we do? Make camp now, or continue on for a while longer?"

Blinking, Kagome finally looked away from Inuyasha, frowning for a moment as she tried to clear the confusion in her mind. Oh, Inuyasha, why couldn't you have offered me what was just in your eyes - before?

Her shoulders slumped slightly. How will I know whether you made that vow because you wanted to, or because you blame yourself? And how can I accept it anyway? You deserve better than someone used... she came back to reality when Inuyasha spoke to her.

"Kagome? Do you want to keep going or stop? It's up to you."

She nodded. "Let's keep going for a while. You guys don't need to baby me, I won't fall apart, I promise." She tilted her head to the side thoughtfully. "At least not right now, anyway. Can't promise about tomorrow, though." Turning, she started off in the direction they'd been traveling in earlier, leaving three stunned people and a neko youkai behind.

Had she just... made a joke?

zZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz

The woman in the clearing stopped, closing her eyes, she appeared to be concentrating on something in the distance, turning one way and then the other, with a slight frown on her flawless face, before stopping and opening her eyes.

Nodding firmly, she began moving forward once again, followed closely by her only companions. Glowing white, and moving gracefully through the air, the soul collectors twined and twirled through the air, before wrapping themselves around her comfortingly, and she smiled slightly.

How ironic. The priestess, once taught to destroy all youkai, now keeps company with them, and no others. How much I have learned since those long ago days when I was alive, when I could still feel the sun warming my flesh!

A pulse of power ran through her, and she frowned, noting with sadness the darkness touching the aura. They were near, she could feel Kagome, not surprising, since she carried part of the girl's soul. By the feel of her aura, Naraku had done something horrible to her, and she couldn't help the urgent fear that touched her.

She frowned.

If something had happened to Kagome, Inuyasha would be off the deep end, feral, overprotective, and not allowing her out of his sight. Somehow, she'd have to convince him to let her talk to the girl. And that would be difficult, because he was always uneasy when the two met, and he tried to keep them as far apart as possible.

But now he'd have to get over it, if he ever wanted Kagome to come back.

What have you done, Naraku?