InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Memoirs of a Road Untraveled ❯ A road untraveled ( Chapter 1 )

Memoirs of a Road Untraveled

By: SublimeMagnolia

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any Inuyasha characters. These are characters of Rumiko Takahashi. There are also characters used from Yu Yu Hakusho. I do not own these characters either.

Chapter One: The road untraveled

Every man is his own ancestor and every man his own heir.  He devises his own future, and he inherits his own past.  ~H.F. Hedge

The rain fell like bullets to the grown, piercing through the already soften soil. Streams of mud flowed down an overturned mound of earth to mingle with grass at its base. Lightening shot across the sky, brightening the heavens with a light show followed quickly by the sound of thunder that rolled through the body and vibrated the dirt packed ground.

Red marks were slowly developing on her skin as she sat against the stone tablet that seemed to grow from the ground like a gray flower. The black suit she wore clung to her skin, her knees tucked under her chin. The dark umbrella she brought lay forgotten somewhere, blown by the wind. She stared straight ahead through the graveyard toward the clustered group of trees that bordered the cemetery, watching hollowly as the electricity in the air brightened the shadows away every so often. Her hand gingerly reached up and ran across the letters of the stone behind her, tracing the name that was cut in to the rock's face.

Here is Hitomi Higurashi
A mother
A friend
A light in a dark place
The world will miss her flame

That was it. The few words were used to summarize a human being who meant more than anyone would ever know. These few words described a mother who hummed while making breakfast, who whistled in the garden picking her vegetables, who kissed her children's pain away, and who looked so beautiful everyday because of the kindness that could always be seen radiating from her like an invisible aura. The irony of it was sickening; how can words describe a life that meant so much. Kagome could not figure it out.

The death came upon Kagome suddenly and more deadly than any demon in the past. Her delving into the past had come to an end a little over two years ago. She was now a ripe eighteen and a half…nineteen tomorrow she thought bitterly. When she had come back, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. On the contrary, her mother looked like she was glowing. But after about a year Kagome began to see a difference. Her mother was growing weak and the glowing light behind her eyes was slowly becoming translucent. Her skin was slowly turning from that tan she was so familiar with to a pale olive, her veins slowly becoming more prominent behind the thin veil of her skin like blue spider webs.

A couple of months ago her mother finally told her that she had cancer. She was so young. Too young. But death has no age prerequisite, if there was anything that Kagome knew, it was this. She stayed with her mother through her hospital visits, chemotherapy, and bed rest. She served her, bathed her, and allowed her mother to cry on her shoulder when the fear of what was happening was too strong. There were so many tears. Grandpa had already died before Kagome was finished time traveling, so his wisdom and strength weren't there for Kagome or her mother. For months Kagome felt so alone with the weight of it all.

Souta had just been accepted to a college in America, despite him being so young. Accordingly, he was a music prodigy and played the piano like a professional. He currently was in the middle of his freshmen year at the college, and unfortunately, he had no money to bring him back for the funeral, neither did Kagome.

But now it was over. Kagome found comfort in the fact that her mother was no longer in pain. Yet…now she was truly alone. Her friends were all gone, and she had been unable to catch up enough in school to graduate with a proper grade to get into college. The small restaurant job she held was slowly draining the life out of her with its monotonous days that seemed to bleed together. A flash of lightening gleamed across the sky clearing the shadows from her face away for a moment, but replaced them just as quickly. The thunder that came after jumpstarted her heart like a keyed engine of a car; there was still an idea she held that was making its' self known.

The well was still open. She could go back and start over. The jewel was whole and Naraku was wiped from the world. Miroku and Sango had moved back to Sango's old village to rebuild it and start their family. Inuyasha had stayed hanyou, but wished for Kikyo to live again; Inuyasha wanted to start over with his first love and Kagome understood, no matter how much it hurt. Shippo decided to go to the Kitsune School to continue learning more about being a Kitsune and Kagome could not have picked a better idea for him to continue in. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she would be just as alone in the past as she would be in the present. But the past offered her something the present didn't: a hope for a new start and a hope for a change of scenery. She needed this.

The rain was slowing and her skin was starting to shiver from the cold of the liquid that coated her. Her face was wet, but she knew it was not from her tears. She had cried all her tears out the night before, allowing the hollowness that was left behind to carry her throughout the day. But now, as she stood up, letting the tombstone give her strength as she leaned her body on it, she felt a stirring in her heart. It was a feeling of strength and a strange hopeful giddiness. Yesss…she would go to the past. She would start a new life.

She walked to the small Honda that was sitting lonely on the dirt road. Opening it, she slid in and allowed the slightly warmer atmosphere to dry the water that was clinging to her body and hair. The engine started easily. She silently waved goodbye to her mother and stirred the car towards home, using the quiet moments to plan what she was going to do. She'd sell the shrine to another shrine not far from here that was asking to buy it. She'd send the money from it, from her mother's insurance, and from her own account to her brother. There would no longer be a reason for her to keep it. She'd have to call Souta and tell him of her plans. He'd be sad, but she knew he'd understand. An ache in her heart grew, she felt selfish…she was leaving her brother in this world alone. Those thoughts were suddenly squashed by the realization that he was doing exactly what she wanted to do; beginning something new. He had a new life with thousands of possibilities open to him. He would be fine. She only wished that she could see him one last time.

She sighed, a long sigh, as she pulled up beside the shrine steps and walked the sixty-five stairs to the top. She entered the house and was struck with the emptiness of it. So many memories clung to the walls and in the very fragrance of the air: honey and almonds was her mother's perfume and it still lingered. She busied herself with taking photos off the walls that led to her bedroom, holding the bundle in her arms as she turned the doorknob and then placing the framed moments on her bed. She stood there looking at each photo, remembering the days they were taken. One was of her grandpa chasing Souta around the yard in his pajamas because Souta had pulled a prank on him in his sleep. Another was of her mother in the kitchen cooking; her chocolate and lavender apron that said `world's best cookie maker' on the front was tied around her and that classic smile was plastered on her face. She would take this picture with her across the well. She pulled the picture out of its frame and sat it on her desk. She turned the lamp on and sat down at the desk, pulling out a thick, leather bound journal she had bought a couple of days ago. She opened it to the first page and read what she had written two days prior.

Dear journal,

Today my mother died; my friend and greatest confidante. The one who has provided me with purpose these last few years is gone. I cannot bring her back even if I tried. The tears I have shed are still falling, despite the fact that I don't know where they come from: I feel so empty. Where does one start when one has lost everything? Is there an answer? I've given my heart to so many, but now I find myself left behind. There is no one here to comfort me in this time of lost and pain. The inside of my heart feels cold. Oh what I would give, at this moment, to be like how Kikyo was when she was brought back to life. She was empty. The pain of life seems more than I wish to bear. But…but I won't run. I'm tired of running. I ran in the past. I won't run anymore. I will find a new start and try again. I will be strong…for me, and for anyone else that comes into my life. I can't find it in me to regret living, despite this pain. In a way, I guess, the pain proves that I'm alive. My mother would not want me to despair. I will not lose myself with this lost…I must become strong. It may not happen today, or tomorrow. But no longer will allow myself to sink. I'm still Kagome…at the moment that name doesn't seem as though it has a definition. But I can still give it one. It's not too late to live. It's not too late…at least I hope not.

Kagome

The pain she felt when she had written those words were now clinging to her heart like a forgotten memory. Yes. She would become strong. Not for anyone else but herself. She would no longer runaway. Jumping through the well could be considered as running away in a sense, but she chose not to see it that way. She wanted to see it as a new start; a new beginning to an old story with a changing character. Yes, she was different. Nothing could change the fact that she was changed. Nevertheless there was hope, and she clung to it as though it was her lifeline…and in a way it was.

She picked up her pen and turned the page. It was time for a new entry.

Dear Journal,

I looked in the mirror today and noticed something. I've changed. Call it maturity. Call it wisdom. Call it early aging. Call it what you will, but I have changed. The shadows behind my eyes are permanent. There is calm in me that wasn't there before. There is a peace in my mind that is different than the normal peace I've come to recognize. It's a peace that borders emptiness, but there is still enough fire in me to allow the life within me to not burn out. I fear becoming empty…I fear the thought of ceasing to exist. I fear being afraid. I don't want to run anymore. I won't run anymore. There has to be more to life than all of this. There is nothing left for me here. I'm going back to a past that will become my future. I'm a miko…but now I'm a wanderer with thousands of roads before me and all of them untraveled. Out of a hopeless situation I find hope. I will pack for my journey tomorrow. Already I am burning with great expectation.

Kagome

She closed the book and tied it close with the satin ribbon that was attached to both sides. Yes tomorrow she would take care of everything that needed to be done. She'd sell the house, get the insurance money, and send all the collected finances to Souta's account in America. He'd wake the day after tomorrow a very well off young man. She'd call him tomorrow and tell him of her plans. She'd pack as much as she could and put it in storage, pack small things within her big black bag, and send a couple of pictures to Souta through mail.

Pushing the framed photos off her bed and onto the floor, she allowed herself the sleep that she had been missing for the last few nights. Closing her eyes thoughts of clean air, fresh trees that blew in the wind, and the hope of a different life flashed across her mind before deep sleep claimed her and the vision faded into darkness.

____________________________________*****________________________ _______

The sun filtered through the blinds with brilliant ferocity, its burning light seeping though the disheveled girl's eyelids. She turned over in hopes of trying to escape, but the damage was done. She was awake and the desire for sleep was washed away with her, “just five more minutes Mom.” She sat there for a minute. Hey eyes wide open and staring at the bookshelf on the side of her bed. Had she forgotten so quickly that her Mother was not there? She sighed, rubbing away the sleep and invisible tears from her eyes. She sat up and paused for moment, taking in the emotions swirling in her. There was sadness, but today it was dulled down to a dim ache. She smiled at that, running her hands through the tangled silk of her hair.

She had a lot to do. She got up and walked downstairs, her mind focused on fixing breakfast. She never made it passed the kitchen doorway, looking towards the stove she promised herself she saw her mother pulling out a pan with baked dumplings on it, a special recipe of hers, and then turning towards her with a smile. Just like it came the ghost vanished. Kagome decided to eat out for breakfast.

Back up in her room she quickly changed into a pair of black jeans and a black tee shirt…dark clothes were not normally her style, but she was still in mourning. She pulled her hair up into a high pony tail, grabbed her purse and made sure to grab a folder sitting on her desk with the information for selling the house and the insurance company in it. After descending the stairs she found her car where she left it. She got in and started the engine, driving off towards the east side of town. She'd pick up a bite to eat before she went to the other shrine that wanted to buy hers.

There was nothing she had a particular taste for so she settled on Wacdonalds, picking up an egg wacmuffin, yogurt, and some orange juice; this she devoured on her way to the shrine. The Yamazaki Shrine was tucked away in the corner of the country and she'd almost missed it. The old woman who owned it was called Genkai and had the rumor surrounding her that she was a master martial artist. Kagome believed this and more. The first time she met Master Genkai, she could see a purple aura surrounding the lady. The woman only smirked at her and made sure to keep Kagome always within her sight. Kagome held a high respect for Master Genkai, but in her opinion the old lady made her nervous,…as though she knew something Kagome didn't. Of course, this was probably true, Genkai did look old.

The Yamazaki shrine, to Kagome's horror, had more stairs than hers. By the time she had gotten to the top she had lost track at around 149 and that was a ways back down. She went on alert when her senses discovered a demon. Kagome quieted down however, when she realized it was only Yukina. Yukina was a beautiful and kind ice maiden, and the only demon Kagome had met in this time. They had conversed very briefly when they first met, but Kagome was in such a rush to get back to the hospital with her mother that the conversation could be considered small talk.

“Good Morning Kagome. How are you? I'm so sorry to hear about your mother,” Yukina bowed her head in respect, “She was a very lovely woman.”

“I'm as good as can be expected, but I'm getting better,” Kagome tried to smile toward the apparition and knew it did not reach her eyes, “and yes, she was a very lovely woman.”

“Is there anything I can help you with?” She asked after a moment of respectful silence.

“Yes actually. I'm looking for Genkai. Is she here?”

“Yes, she is in the tea room. Just follow the corridor; it is through the second set of double doors on the right hand side. You can't miss it.”

Kagome bowed her head in gratitude and followed the kind girl's directions.

Genkai sat cross legged on the floor before rectangular chestnut tea table. Her gray hair surrounded her face and contrasted with the deep wrinkles around her eyes. Her shoulders were heavy looking, as though she was being weighed down. Kagome had the sarcastic notion to think that this woman looked like how she, herself, felt. She seems very weary.

The older woman's eyes opened and the fire that Kagome had come to recognize as Genkai was revealed. The woman gave her a smirk and waved a hand for her to sit down. Kagome did so.

“Goodmorning Master Genkai. I've come to negotiate with you on a price for the shrine. I know that you have wanted it, and since…my mother has died…I find no reason to keep it.”

“My original offer stands.”

“Your original offer was too low.” Kagome smirked inwardly as the older woman raised an eyebrow at her.

“I have younger brother in school in the states. Your offer of 8 million yen will not keep him there, beside the value of the shrine is much more than that. I will not settle for anything less than 10 million yen.”

“Well it seems you will have to take your offer somewhere else.” The older woman closed her eyes and sipped the tea that was steaming within her hands. Now it was Kagome's turn to raise an eyebrow. She would not give in.

“Very well. I will take my offer somewhere else.” She stood up and looked at the older woman who continued to sip her tea with her eyes close. “I apologize if I have disturbed your tea drinking.” This old lady was starting to tick her off. She turned on her hill and just as she was pulling the door open-

“Come back. Sit down.” Genkai opened one eye and watched the young dark haired maiden come back and sit down on a soft pillow.

“I will give you 9 million for the shrine.”

“9 million and a half: that's as low as I will go.” They stared each other down for a moment neither willing to give the other the upper hand.

“Fine. You have a deal.” Kagome smiled with relief and placed the folder she had been carrying on the table. She pulled out the deed to the shrine and placed it in front of the woman who signed the dotted line at the bottom.

“Before I sign this and make it legally binding, I wish to be paid.”

“Right now?” The older woman, again, allowed her eyebrow to raise with clear curiosity.

“Yes. Right now.” The older woman nodded and clapped her hands. Within moments the young maiden Yukina gracefully walked into the room.

“Yes master Genkai, how may I help you?”

“Yes Yukina. I need you to go down into the vault and pull out 9 and a half million yen.”

“Yes mam.” The young maiden quickly swept out of the room just as gracefully as when she came in.

“You keep your money here?” Kagome found this fascinating. She hadn't heard of someone not using a bank since she lived in the feudal era.

“Of course. I've come to realize that humans can be just as dangerous and corrupt as any other creature, maybe more so. I choose not to place my financial wellbeing in the capable hands of humans.” Kagome nodded her head in complete understanding.

Yukina opened the door and carried with her a stuffed and lumpy back. She sat it beside Kagome and then turned to Genkai.

“Will that be all Master Genkai?”

“Yes Yukina. You may go now.” Yukina smiled again before disappearing once more out the door. Kagome opened the top of bag and was amazed at pile of yen she saw. Yes. This will do. She turned back towards the paper and signed her name on the dotted line at the bottom. There went the only home she had ever known…and there went the memories that came with it. She sighed. That step was finished. There was many more to go.

Kagome stood up and gathered her things together. Picking the bag up, she bowed low before Genkai.

“It has been an honor doing business with you.”

“Likewise Kagome.” Replied Genkai. Kagome turned around and was almost out the door when Genkai called to her.

“Kagome…remember these words, the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates. I have a feeling that they will come in handy for you soon.” Kagome stared back at her, her dimmed blue orbs taking in the information before nodding and continuing on her way.

Her day went by quickly. Everything, surprisingly accomplished. All the money that she could collect was sitting in Souta's bank account. She had called him when she had gotten home. His voice was so familiar, it made her want to cry all over again, but she held onto the unshed tears. He understood her needs, and although his reluctance to let her go was clear, he wished her good luck on the journey she was taking. With hushed voices full of breaking hearts, they shared their last `I love you's `, and hung up the phone. That was it. That was the last time she would hear her brother's voice…she did not plan on coming back through the well and the thought alone almost made her want to give up her plans altogether. Almost…

She had packed as much as she could into a small rented storage facility and put it under Souta's name. When he came back he could collect everything he wanted. She packed pictures of the family within a big orange envelope, with information that she thought Souta my need in the future, and letter she found in her mother's room. It was a letter to her children; a goodbye letter and a love letter all in one. She had read it so many times she had the thing memorized. Putting the stamp in right corner of the envelope she gave it to the postal service employee who was standing very kindly at the front desk. He smiled at her and she smiled back before turning and leaving the place.

Now she found herself standing in her room, staring at the packed, black bag on her bed. She had packed only the essentials. A couple changes of clothes, an extra pair of shoes, a sleeping bag and coat, a couple of tooth brushes and toothpastes, 8 deodorant, soap, a comb, a towel and wash cloth, a box of matches, a knife, a sewing kit, a lifetime supply of Tylenol, a pack of pens, her journal, and as much food as she could fit. There was nothing else.

She put the bag onto her back and grabbed the bow and batch of arrows that she had placed in her closet over two years ago. She slowly made her way through the house, making sure to touch everything in hopes of imprinting the memory on her heart. She didn't want to forget this place…at the same time she didn't want to remember. The moonlight shifted in the sky through the limbs of the goshinboku. She looked up at the tree and smiled genuinely at it in hopes that it would understand her goodbye. The great tree always seemed to understand. The well was dark as she descended the stairs down to it. It seemed empty, almost like a black whole waiting to suck you down into its depths. But she knew that wasn't true. It led to a place that only lived in her memory.

She stood on the lip of the well, her breath becoming ragged with excitement. And with a final goodbye to the present, she leapt into the past. The familiar blue light encased her and she closed her eyes to enjoy the feeling of traveling through time. The light faded and her feet touched ground. She looked up and was overjoyed to see the star speckled sky above her. The breeze blew and the clean air that awaited her was fresh.

“How wonderful it is to be back.” She spoke into the night air on the wings of a whisper.

She fumbled for the familiar vines that climbed the side of the well. She found them and noticed that they had gotten thicker since the last time she had been here. She managed to pull herself out and onto the lip of the well. She gasped for breath after the exertion and looked around. The clearing was still the same. Maybe a bit more trees…but still the same.

She gathered herself, making sure to keep her bow at the ready, and continued through the forest. Besides the scuttling of small creatures that lived in the woods, Kagome came across nothing, but finally breaking free of the cramped piece of nature, she saw the village that she was so familiar with. It was bigger, but still looked the same. Fields were still in the middle of being planted and long snake like strings of smoke curled into the air from the make shift chimneys.

She continued to walk, watching a couple of villagers huddle around a bond fire, and one young child runaway from his mother despite bedtime. Thankfully, no one really paid attention to her. She found herself outside Kaede's old hut. She knocked on the side of the doorway made of wood.

“Wait just a minute. I'm coming.” The gruff and familiar voice of Kaede was heard and Kagome let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. For some reason she was holding on to the fear that maybe Kaede had died while she was gone, and maybe things had changed more than she wanted to believe. Kaede opened the flap, and Kagome laughed as the old ladies one good eye widened in surprise.

“Kagome! It is a surprise to see ye child. Come in.” Kaede bustled around like Kagome remembered she did for herbs and spices to make a well needed tea.

“It is good to see you Kaede.” Kagome looked across a fire that was in the middle of the room, its flames giving a stifling heat in the early April air.

“It is good to see ye too child. You have grown and I must say,” Kaede handed her a cup of tea that Kagome always liked, “You seem changed. What has happened child? Why are you back?” That's Kaede for you, strait to the point.

“Aye, I am Kaede. I just lost my mother. She has been sick for such a long time and I have cared for her. But now she is gone and there is no reason for me to stay in the future. Even my younger brother has moved on and doing something with his life…” She took a moment to sigh and look into the transparent green of her tea. “I feel like someone who has no place to call home. I feel like a wanderer.”

Kaede sat and listened to her story, turning it over in her wise mind.

“Child, I understand what it is that ye feels. I have to advise you however that running away from your problems won't solve anything.”

“Yes. This I know. I'm not running. I have nothing that I am running from nor anything I am running to. I came back to start a new life. Tomorrow I will leave on a journey. I want to find where I belong, and if not that, maybe I can help someone else find his way.”

Kaede again nodded her head with understanding and contemplation.

“Well, Kagome, I wish you success on this journey to …you.”

“Thanks Kaede.”

“Well child, get some rest. You have deeper shadows under your eyes than I do. We can talk more in the morning before you venture out.” Kagome nodded her head and pulled out her sleeping bag. After a second thought she pulled out her journal and a pen.

Dear journal,

The future is my past and the past is my future. I find myself on a road untraveled. I'm afraid, but at the same tome excited. Something unknown. Something different. The path stretched before is path that only I can take, no one else. For once in my life I feel strong. I feel as though I'm the one cutting a path to glory. I'm not on a road to discover who I am…but on a road to discover who I want to be. I want to be a fighter. I want to be someone who can still smile when someone smiles at her. I want joy when I need joy and anger when I need anger. I want to be like my mother who was strong until the very end. I want to prove that stars don't only exist in the sky. I want to do so much, and it seems my journey to fulfill those wants has begun. I'm not so naïve to underestimate the danger of the future or believe that my heart won't be broken again. But I want to be strong enough not to close myself off from the world. I want to be strong enough to truly live. If I die tomorrow, there has to be someone in this world who knows the desire I have to truly live. I don't want to be breakable…but at the same time I don't want to be made of such stone that I become unbreakable. Tomorrow is a new day.

Kagome

By the way, happy birthday to myself.

The night air whistling beneath the flap of the door cooled the overheated room as Kagome put away the journal and pen. She curled into her sleeping bag, thinking of the next day.

A/N: I am going somewhere with this. I hope you guys liked the story and will review. I have a feeling I wrote this rather quickly. If you think I need to slow down, please let me know in a review. Love you all!