InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Metamorphosis ❯ The Demon Within ( Chapter 3 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: King Baka 
The battle for Kagome is decided. What role does Inuyasha play in deciding the outcome?
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Suspense / Romance / Hentai / Adventure | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 11.03.2008 | Updated On: 12.08.2010 | Pages: 2 | Words: 5.6K | Visits: 5.5K | Status: Completed
The battle for Kagome is decided. What role does Inuyasha play in deciding the outcome?
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Suspense / Romance / Hentai / Adventure | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 11.03.2008 | Updated On: 12.08.2010 | Pages: 2 | Words: 5.6K | Visits: 5.5K | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha or any of the publicly known characters, plot, etc. I’m just renting them from Rumiko Takahashi, Viz, etc. I do own the plot of this story and any original characters I’ve created. I will make no money from this fic; I write for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of my readers.
Fanfiction of the Week: Gone Swimmin’, by Quickening
A fun little (or not so little) one-shot about a hot summer day… Check it out if you’re in a hentai mood!
The Demon Within
Inuyasha stared off into the sunset, his shimmering golden eyes reflecting deep emotional trauma though his face revealed nothing. Glancing down at the girl in his arms, he silently pleaded for her to wake up. As with the first several hundred times, his soundless entreaties went unanswered. Kagome had been asleep for two days and two nights; tonight would be her third. ‘Asleep’ being the operative word, because he didn’t want to think about her forced unconsciousness as anything else. People woke up from sleep.
It was like that run-in with the Band of Seven all over again. Back then, there was so much shit going on that he hadn’t had long to dwell on the thought that Kagome, Miroku, and Sango might not survive Mukotsu’s poison. He had been able to keep his emotions mostly in check, until seeing Kagome awake again, knowing she would be alright, caused a few stray tears to sneak past his carefully woven countenance. This time, however, there was nothing to distract him from his worry, his pain, or his guilt. All he could do was stay by her side, hold her close, and pray.
He had been doing that for the better part of two days, only leaving when Kaede and Sango kicked him out of the hut so they could clean her up and change her clothes. Otherwise, he was always there, supporting her while Sango tried to get her to eat, watching over her as she slept, his nose and ears constantly on alert for any change in her condition. He even stole her away from them and brought her to Goshinboku, hoping the magic of the ancient tree would help. But still there was nothing. She hadn’t uttered a sound since that bloodcurdling scream, hadn’t even altered her hauntingly blank facial expression. Dammit, Kagome! Wake the fuck up! If anything happened to you… He scratched that thought, not wanting to think about the possibility that he had seen the last of the Kagome he knew. The next time she opened her eyes, those beautiful brown orbs might not belong to her anymore.
And he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. Even if the youkai succeeded in taking over Kagome’s body, he knew his claws would be stilled. The thought of tearing into her flesh, even if it was permanently occupied by another’s soul, filled him with intense nausea.
“Come on, Kagome,” he whispered softly, “you have to fight him. You have to…come back. I can’t…I need you.” The last part was barely audible, as he realized for the first time how true the statement was. He needed her. It should have made him feel vulnerable, to need someone so badly that it hurt when they were gone. And yet, at this moment, when she was in his arms yet so hopelessly out of reach, he couldn’t remember ever having felt so vulnerable, so alone. It was a far cry from how he felt when she was smiling at him, laughing, yelling, even subduing. He drew strength from her, and when she was weak or injured, he suffered along with her. For more than a year, she had been his greatest strength, and his greatest weakness. (1)
“Inuyasha…no.” The sound of her voice startled him from his musings and nearly caused him to topple out of the tree. He lowered his gaze to her face, and he was shocked to see it twist in a pained grimace. He had seen that look before, and instantly knew that her pain was emotional, not physical. He also had a fairly good idea what she was seeing behind her eyelids. Her next mumbled query only confirmed it.
“Inu…how could you?” His ears drooped; she looked and sounded absolutely miserable, and he was not surprised to see tears streaming down her cheeks. He considered taking her to Kaede as he had promised to do if her condition changed, but decided against it. The old miko wouldn’t be able to do shit anyway, and the others would just glare at him for causing Kagome pain. No, he had created this insecurity within her, this ‘darkness in her heart,’ as Naraku’s creepy baby had so eloquently put it. And he would be damned if he didn’t at least try to offer her comfort. Awkwardly he wiped her tears away, whispering encouraging words.
“Shhh, Kagome. It’s alright. It’s not real.” His reassurances had no effect, and Kagome continued to cry unceasingly as seconds turned to minutes, all the while murmuring her softly spoken pleas. Inuyasha was rapidly becoming frustrated; he could only take so much of hearing his name spoken in such a dismal manner, as if he was the one causing her pain.
“Dammit, wench!” he yelled as he shook her firmly, “I’m right here! I ain’t fuckin’ goin’ anywhere! Whatever you’re seeing in that STUPID head of yours ISN’T REAL!”
If she heard his frantic cries, she didn’t show it, and Inuyasha found himself quite suddenly at a loss. Drawing her into a powerful embrace, he held her tightly to him as he felt moisture begin to gather in his own eyes. Blinking back the useless drops, he gritted his teeth and struggled to reign in his unruly emotions. He wouldn’t shed tears for her now, not while there was still hope! Not while his Kagome was still in there somewhere, fighting for her life. She had never given up on him, and he wasn’t about to relinquish his faith in her.
His resolve wavered as an unwelcome scent reached him. Seeking the source, he found his nose buried in Kagome’s hair, and a feeling of overpowering dread settled in the pit of his stomach. Pulling back to look at her, his eyes widened in alarm. Kagome had stopped sobbing; in fact, she had gone deathly quiet. A dark, malicious aura flared around her, growing ever stronger and more intense. The scent of youkai, the youkai, hung heavily in the air, rising in vigor even as Kagome’s own scent began to fade. Her eyes flashed open, revealing nothing but white, empty shells. Her expressive brown pupils, the windows to her soul, were gone. Reality set in slowly for Inuyasha. The demon was taking over. Kagome was losing.
“Shit! Kagome! You’d better not give in that easily! Didn’t you hear me? I said I needed you! You can’t leave...you can’t…I can’t…live without you…”
He’d never know why he did it. Perhaps it was merely the act of a desperate man who could do nothing else. Perhaps it was something more, a final farewell, a confession, an apology… Either way, as he brought his lips to hers, he knew he was losing his best friend, the one person who made his life worth living. He slumped against her chest, all light, all energy deserting him. And he finally allowed his tears to fall.
Cold. It gripped her, filled her, was her. She was cold, and that’s all she was. And yet, she welcomed it, even as grogginess invaded her mind, and it began to shut down. A voice, faint, too faint to worry about. Too sleepy to care, she slipped further into oblivion.
Warmth. It burned, scalded, drew her out even as she fought against it. Her lips tingled, shooting heat throughout her body and setting it aflame. Then the sensation was gone, but the warmth remained. She could no longer feel the night’s chill, hear the patter of the rain against he grass. An unfamiliar pressure against her chest, warm arms wrapped around her. She could feel these, but not see them. Gradually she came to realize that her eyes were closed. Opening them, she glimpsed the familiar canopy of the Goshinboku above her, though the foliage shook periodically for some reason. Or rather, she shook. Looking down for the source of the motion, she spied a white head of hair, with her favorite two dog ears perched atop it. Inuyasha… He was holding her tightly, almost painfully so, his face planted on her sternum, shaking her ever so slightly.
“Inuyasha?” His head snapped up, nearly smashing her chin on its rapid ascent, and seeing his visage wrung a stunned gasp from her throat. He was, to put it simply, a mess. Track marks marred his normally smooth cheeks, and blood leaked from a wound in his lip where a careless fang had punctured. His eyes were shining with unshed tears, the amber orbs conveying disbelief, then hope, and finally something else, something that had the butterflies in her stomach fluttering all over again. She reached up and wiped away the evidence of his sorrow, but before either of them could say anything, she felt herself being pulled back into unconsciousness. She thought she heard him call her name as the blackness took her once more.
When she woke, she was no longer sitting in the tree with Inuyasha. In fact, she wasn’t entirely sure she was…anywhere. Everywhere she looked was gray, the gloomy dye even covering the floor where she apparently sat. Rising to her feet, she tried to gather her bearings.
“Damn, bitch. You’re a hard one to crack, aren’t you?” Smothering her gasp, Kagome spun sharply to face the owner of the strange voice. Her jaw dropped as she realized just who had addressed her.
“Y-you?! How…you’re dead! Inuyasha killed you!”
The cat youkai chuckled venomously. “You’re right. I am dead…but not for long.”
A cold shiver ran down Kagome’s spine as he eyed her intently, and she struggled to staunch her rising panic. I’m a miko! I’m not helpless! Without her bow and arrows, however, things were not looking good. Yet the youkai made no move toward her; he just stood there and stared. Thoroughly confused, Kagome was about to ask what he wanted when the substance of his words sank in. W-what? He’s dead? But how—why can I see him now? Am I *gulp* dead as well? She remembered the youkai lunging toward her, too quick for her to target with an arrow. Then, just as he was upon her, Tetsusaiga flashed across her vision, slicing the youkai in two. She remembered looking down at the blood staining her blouse…then pain, blinding, excruciating agony. Pain so unbearable it felt like her bones were melting. She had screamed…then nothing. Kagome frowned; something here didn’t make sense. How could she be dead when she hadn’t even suffered any wounds?
“Where are we?” she growled, allowing her miko aura to flare just slightly, hoping to intimidate the arrogant youkai standing before her. The jerk just smirked even wider.
“What, you don’t recognize your own mind? Though I suppose you wouldn’t, considering how I’ve made a few…slight alterations.”
More confused than ever, Kagome tried futilely to make sense of the situation. Inside my mind? So…are we not really here? Seemingly oblivious to her consternation, the youkai continued his conceited speech.
“This rebirth power is really quite wonderful, you know. And I didn’t even know I had it! All that’s left to do is quell that rebellious will of yours, and my original form will be restored!”
And suddenly, it clicked. The blood on her shirt, the searing pain, her strange encounters with Inuyasha, waking up in the hanyou’s arms… Somehow, this demon had gotten inside her body, and he was trying to possess her mind so he could return to his original form. Nothing that had ‘happened’ since the battle by the well had really happened. The only thing she knew for certain was that Inuyasha’s embrace, his tear streaked face—those had been real. How she knew this was a mystery, but the conclusion that followed filled her with righteous rage. Everything else was just an illusion…
“You…you BASTARD!” she shrieked, earning a startled look from the youkai before her. “It was you the whole time! You made me see those things! In my room, Inuyasha and Kikyou. Why? How could you toy with somebody’s emotions like that?!”
The youkai responded with a humorless chuckle. “Isn’t it obvious? If you became lost in the illusion, your mind would lay dormant forever and your body would be mine for the taking. And it would have worked too, if that damn half-breed hadn’t interfered.”
Kagome’s expression turned contemplative; she remembered lying face-down on the ground, nearly slipping into unconsciousness before something stopped her. Some unknown force, strong and resolute, had gripped her, forcing warmth into her frozen limbs and dragging her back toward the light. The feeling had centered on her lips… Her eyes widened, her hand coming up to touch her lower lip. He kissed me…and he was crying for me. Her smile was small and brief, her principle emotion soon shifting to anger once again. This rotten bastard! How dare he?! How dare he cause Inuyasha so much grief! It was bad enough when the youkai had just wronged her, but now her fury had doubled, even tripled. Her miko aura flashed and sparked around her, beginning to push back the gray, revealing a luscious green patch of grass beneath her feet. The youkai took a nervous step back, before going on the verbal offensive once again.
“Don’t look so mad! I showed you exactly what you wanted didn’t I? You could have been happy; you could have lived your entire life with your pathetic hanyou, the man you supposedly love.” At Kagome’s shocked expression, he continued to berate her. “Oh, yes, young miko. I’m inside your mind, and all your memories are open to my gaze. It’s sad, really, your shallow, deceitful notion of love. You claim to love Inuyasha, and yet you wouldn’t even tell him, let alone show him, when he told you he loved you. You are a liar, little girl. And you just let the poor puppy believe you care for him, stringing him along for the ride as y—”
“Shut up!” Kagome yelled, trying not to let the youkai’s harsh words get to her. But there was a measure of truth behind them, a truth that weighed heavily on her. No! I refused Inuyasha because I had to…something deep inside told me it was wrong. And I was right! “You’re wrong! Me stopping Inuyasha had nothing to do with my feelings for him!”
“Ha! Your feelings are weak! ‘I wish I never met him!’ Sound familiar?”
Kagome gasped, remembering with crystal clarity how she’d screamed that cursed phrase just before giving up, waiting…waiting to die? She suddenly felt so ashamed, and the youkai showed her no mercy.
“Your faith in Inuyasha is just as fragile. Tell me, why was it so easy to believe the sight of him making love with Kikyou? How could you doubt the man you claim to love so much, to think that immediately after confessing his feelings to you, he would run back to his former love? You are pathetic, Kagome. Inuyasha would be better off without you, and your incessant weakness of both body and soul.”
Kagome closed her eyes, tears falling freely as the bitter accuracy of the man’s accusations set in. When she opened them again, the gray had returned full-force, growing ever darker. The youkai was wavering before her, slowly fading into the distance as blackness closed in on her. His diabolical laughter drifted to her ears, as well as what was intended to be a final comment.
“That’s right, little girl. Just give in; I promise you will feel no more pain. Be at peace…”
Peace. The notion was so tempting, to run away from her shortcomings, her pain, her guilt. Inuyasha really would be better off without her.
A single image passed her mind, causing her to cease her descent into oblivion. The vision of Inuyasha, staring at her with tears in his eyes, shining with pure emotion. The feel of his lips on hers… The memories gave her a reason to live, a reason to fight. Her miko powers surged to life, spiraling around her and granting her an entirely different kind of peace. They caressed her, spoke to her, reassured her that everything was alright, that everything she had done today she had done out of love. It was them…it was my miko powers that stopped me from doing anything with Inuyasha! Deep down, at the most instinctual of levels, her inner miko had known the truth, that Inuyasha’s confession of love was nothing more than the perverted adaptation of her own dreams, created by an evil youkai. And somehow, feeling that way about his declaration had made his being with Kikyou that much more believable. I ran. I ran because I’ve always known that things could turn out that way. I want Inuyasha to be happy, and if he needs Kikyou for that… And if things do turn out that way, then I have every right to be heartbroken! But I won’t force Inuyasha to choose between us. I’ll stay with him as long as I can, because…I really do love him.
The reaffirmance of her deepest feelings gave her strength, and she summoned the full measure of her miko powers, fueling them with the purity of her heart, the love she stored there. Quickly the curtain of black surrounding her turned to gray, then an opaque white. The youkai was there, and Kagome took small delight in the look of fear gracing his features as he struggled to maintain the integrity of the bubble he had enclosed them in. But it was futile; bursts of miko energy punched through as if it was made of paper, revealing all manner of vibrant colors in the background. As the shield imploded and finally collapsed completely, Kagome’s breath hitched in her throat. Laid out before her was the single most beautiful, breathtaking landscape she had ever seen. It was truly a spectacle of nature, the wide flowing valley, covered in lush green. Rolling hills stretched for miles until the edge of a distant forest, which slowly climbed upward to the bases of picturesque mountains, rising gracefully to snow-capped peaks that disappeared into the clouds. She felt humbled as she took in the magnificence, the sheer vitality of it all. So this is what the inside of my mind looks like...I should come here more often! Remembering why she was here, Kagome turned to regard the youkai once more, the fury radiating off him standing in stark contrast to the tranquility of the valley.
“Damn you, bitch!” he growled, brandishing his razor sharp claws menacingly. “I tried to do this the easy way, but it looks like I’m going to have to use force after all! Prepare yourself!”
Kagome didn’t flinch as the youkai charged, didn’t react as he leapt in preparation for a single, killing blow. She raised her hands just as he swung his arm. A horrid screech of pain broke the silence of the valley, the smell of charred flesh overpowering even Kagome’s human nose. For several seconds the youkai just hung there, suspended inches from her outstretched palms by a fiery torrent of miko energy. Then he was flung back, his body landing bonelessly in a heap and rolling to a stop some fifty feet away. He lay there unmoving as wisps of smoke continued to rise from his broken form. Kagome stumbled back, nearly falling as strange images rushed past her eyes, visions of things she’d never seen before.
Orphan. A young boy, weeping silently over the remains of his parents. Loneliness. Searching for kin, but finding no soul willing to take him in. Survival. Killing, growing, learning. Others, strangers who became friends, brothers, sisters. Power. No mercy, slaughtering humans, burning villages. Seeking the Shikon no Tama. Power. The power to protect those held dear, to ensure that neither he nor they would ever be lonely again…
Kagome choked out a sob as she rushed over to the fallen youkai. He lay there in his true form, a giant black cat, about eight feet long from head to tail. His chest was as still as Kagome’s heart, and tears flowed freely down her cheeks. He had seen inside her soul, and when she had attacked, engulfing him in the full might of her miko aura, his soul had been bared to her as well.
“Why do you cry, miko?”
Kagome gasped sharply and looked up. There, hovering a few feet away, was the young boy she had seen, the child the dead youkai lying before her used to be. He was a spirit, his body transparent, but he was smiling nonetheless. Kagome lowered her eyes, unable to meet his gaze.
“So…so sad,” she mumbled. A gentle hand raised her chin, urging her to look at him. Still he smiled, eyes shining with an inner serenity.
“Don’t cry for me. My life has been difficult, but I’m not alone anymore. Somehow I found others like me, and we created a family. I only regret the last few years. Somehow I forgot how it felt to be an orphan. I killed…how many humans did I slaughter in the name of power? How much misery have I caused in the name of becoming stronger?” Now the boy’s eyes were closed, and Kagome stared at rapt attention. Then he opened his yellow eyes, and a grin returned to his countenance. “But you have saved me, miko. You purified me of my hate, took away my lust for power. Thank you,” he said, bowing low. “But now I must return to my body, and you must purify me. Only then will you be completely free of me.”
“B-but if I do that, won’t you go to hell?” The boy chuckled, amused by her concern, considering how he had just tried to kill her.
“It matters not. I must pay for the sins I have committed.”
“No! Y-you’re just an innocent kid now! Like you said, I purified you of your evil. Why should you have to suffer now?”
“Because you cannot rid yourself of my youkai essence unless I am purified along with it. The moment my spirit leaves you, the youki I leave behind will completely dissolve. It will remain inside you forever, and you will never be able to rid yourself of it.”
Kagome gave herself no time to reconsider before she gave her answer. “Then let it stay.”
The spirit’s eyes hardened in anger, then softened as he realized just how determined Kagome was to not let a child suffer. Kagome, for her part, was thinking back to her adventure with Mayu. She refused to let the spirit of a child burn in hell before, and she wasn’t about to let it happen now, no matter what unknown consequences awaited her decision. Reluctantly, the boy nodded his consent.
“Very well, miko. Thank you. You are truly amazing…I have never before met a heart so pure. Who knows? Perhaps you will make better use of my youkai essence than I ever did. Farewell.”
Kagome smiled and waved as the youkai’s spirit vanished, and just as he predicted the giant cat melted instantly, and was absorbed into the earth beneath it. And Kagome was left in blessed solitude, her mind finally free of foreign influence. Suddenly she felt very tired, and she surrendered to fatigue, lying down in the soft grass. When she awoke, she knew she would be in the real world again.
“Kagome!” Inuyasha called as she slipped back into unconsciousness. Dammit! He took a deep breath to calm himself. Kagome had woken up, she seemed back to normal, and she was no longer emanating a dark aura. She still smelled a little of that bastard cat youkai, but it was very faint. He had to have faith; Kagome’s ordeal was not over, but he knew she would overcome. That confidence was very much shaken when it happened again—her eyes going blank and the dark aura gripping her. But it was over before he had time to react, and from that point on her miko aura steadily grew in strength, eventually driving out the last speck of evil. He was very surprised that he himself was not being purified by her unruly powers, but he hadn’t even felt a tingle. He would worry about that later, he decided, after she woke up. Finally, after what seemed like hours of waiting, she stirred in his arms and opened her eyes.
“Inuyasha…”
The hanyou felt his mouth go dry. Relief had never been such a powerful emotion before, one that threatened to reduce him to tears again. But he held back, not wanting to show that weakness twice in one evening.
“Are you okay, Kagome?”
“Yeah.” Comfortable silence fell between the pair, each contemplating their own thoughts about the events that had just taken place. Gratitude welled up inside Kagome, too strong to be kept quiet. “Inuyasha?” she asked nervously.
“Yeah?”
“D-did you kiss me?”
He stiffened and stuttered, his reaction confirming what she already knew to be true. She could tell he was about to say something stupid, something he didn’t really mean, something that would definitely ruin the atmosphere of the moment. She didn’t give him the chance.
“Thank you.”
Inuyasha’s gruff reply died on his lips as his eyes widened impossibly. He found himself questioning his demonic hearing, before she continued. “You saved me. I…I was lost in the illusion. You brought me back. And…you shed tears for me.” Inuyasha tightened his grip on her. Normally, he would deny them—either kissing her or crying for her—but tonight, after everything that had happened, after almost losing her, he just couldn’t.
“Yeah, well, you’d just better keep all that shit to yourself.”
Kagome giggled, and Inuyasha couldn’t help but grin in response. Talk about ruining the moment... Kagome shivered, and Inuyasha shrugged off his haori to drape it over her bare legs.
“You wanna go back to the hut?” he asked, secretly hoping she would say no. When she shook her head vigorously, he drew her closer until her head was resting comfortably on his chest. As the sound of his heartbeat lulled her to sleep, Kagome couldn’t help but think that maybe Inuyasha hadn’t ruined the moment after all.
(1) I’m working under the theory that it’s been a little more than a year since Kagome first fell through the well. I know everything in the manga takes place within 9 months or so, and that’s fine if you’re just taking into account the events of the manga. But the anime adds so much more stuff, and if you try to squeeze the movies in there too you’re really pushing it. All that couldn’t possibly happen in less than a year, so I don’t really feel guilty about expanding the timeline a little, even if in this story the later events of the manga didn’t happen. So assume Kagome is sixteen here.
A/N – Just to clarify, the youkai (don’t worry, he’ll get a name later) doesn’t try to just overpower Kagome at first because it’s a lot less risky to use underhanded tactics. Think about it; if he uses illusions and doubt, he can possibly achieve his objective without risking purification. And he almost did…twice! That’s why using force is a last resort for him.
The idea to have the inside of Kagome’s mind be a beautiful valley kind of struck me at the last minute. It makes sense, your subconscious mind being a reflection of your personality. And if you’re confused about the whole thing, I’ll try to explain. Kagome is unconscious for almost this whole chapter. The youkai is inside her mind, and the Kagome that confronts him is basically a manifestation her mind creates so she can fight him. It’s not her physical body; if she lost, her body wouldn’t have been destroyed. She would have lost the battle for her mind, however, and the youkai would have been able to complete Rebirth. Kagome, for all intents and purposes, would be dead, but her physical body would have reformed into the youkai’s original body. It makes sense, I swear!
Also, Kagome’s miko powers separate the youkai’s spirit from his youki, while at the same time purifying the spirit of its evil. Normally when a youkai’s spirit gets separated from its body (when it’s killed), the youki dissipates immediately because the spirit flies off. In this case, however, the youki doesn’t dissolve because the spirit is still nearby, inside Kagome’s mind. By retaining the youkai’s essence, Kagome frees the youkai’s spirit, allowing it to go to heaven (or wherever good spirits go in Japan). Oh, and I’m using the terms ‘essence’ and ‘youki’ interchangeably.
Converting /tmp/phppyXdRv to /dev/stdout
Fanfiction of the Week: Gone Swimmin’, by Quickening
A fun little (or not so little) one-shot about a hot summer day… Check it out if you’re in a hentai mood!
The Demon Within
Inuyasha stared off into the sunset, his shimmering golden eyes reflecting deep emotional trauma though his face revealed nothing. Glancing down at the girl in his arms, he silently pleaded for her to wake up. As with the first several hundred times, his soundless entreaties went unanswered. Kagome had been asleep for two days and two nights; tonight would be her third. ‘Asleep’ being the operative word, because he didn’t want to think about her forced unconsciousness as anything else. People woke up from sleep.
It was like that run-in with the Band of Seven all over again. Back then, there was so much shit going on that he hadn’t had long to dwell on the thought that Kagome, Miroku, and Sango might not survive Mukotsu’s poison. He had been able to keep his emotions mostly in check, until seeing Kagome awake again, knowing she would be alright, caused a few stray tears to sneak past his carefully woven countenance. This time, however, there was nothing to distract him from his worry, his pain, or his guilt. All he could do was stay by her side, hold her close, and pray.
He had been doing that for the better part of two days, only leaving when Kaede and Sango kicked him out of the hut so they could clean her up and change her clothes. Otherwise, he was always there, supporting her while Sango tried to get her to eat, watching over her as she slept, his nose and ears constantly on alert for any change in her condition. He even stole her away from them and brought her to Goshinboku, hoping the magic of the ancient tree would help. But still there was nothing. She hadn’t uttered a sound since that bloodcurdling scream, hadn’t even altered her hauntingly blank facial expression. Dammit, Kagome! Wake the fuck up! If anything happened to you… He scratched that thought, not wanting to think about the possibility that he had seen the last of the Kagome he knew. The next time she opened her eyes, those beautiful brown orbs might not belong to her anymore.
And he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. Even if the youkai succeeded in taking over Kagome’s body, he knew his claws would be stilled. The thought of tearing into her flesh, even if it was permanently occupied by another’s soul, filled him with intense nausea.
“Come on, Kagome,” he whispered softly, “you have to fight him. You have to…come back. I can’t…I need you.” The last part was barely audible, as he realized for the first time how true the statement was. He needed her. It should have made him feel vulnerable, to need someone so badly that it hurt when they were gone. And yet, at this moment, when she was in his arms yet so hopelessly out of reach, he couldn’t remember ever having felt so vulnerable, so alone. It was a far cry from how he felt when she was smiling at him, laughing, yelling, even subduing. He drew strength from her, and when she was weak or injured, he suffered along with her. For more than a year, she had been his greatest strength, and his greatest weakness. (1)
“Inuyasha…no.” The sound of her voice startled him from his musings and nearly caused him to topple out of the tree. He lowered his gaze to her face, and he was shocked to see it twist in a pained grimace. He had seen that look before, and instantly knew that her pain was emotional, not physical. He also had a fairly good idea what she was seeing behind her eyelids. Her next mumbled query only confirmed it.
“Inu…how could you?” His ears drooped; she looked and sounded absolutely miserable, and he was not surprised to see tears streaming down her cheeks. He considered taking her to Kaede as he had promised to do if her condition changed, but decided against it. The old miko wouldn’t be able to do shit anyway, and the others would just glare at him for causing Kagome pain. No, he had created this insecurity within her, this ‘darkness in her heart,’ as Naraku’s creepy baby had so eloquently put it. And he would be damned if he didn’t at least try to offer her comfort. Awkwardly he wiped her tears away, whispering encouraging words.
“Shhh, Kagome. It’s alright. It’s not real.” His reassurances had no effect, and Kagome continued to cry unceasingly as seconds turned to minutes, all the while murmuring her softly spoken pleas. Inuyasha was rapidly becoming frustrated; he could only take so much of hearing his name spoken in such a dismal manner, as if he was the one causing her pain.
“Dammit, wench!” he yelled as he shook her firmly, “I’m right here! I ain’t fuckin’ goin’ anywhere! Whatever you’re seeing in that STUPID head of yours ISN’T REAL!”
If she heard his frantic cries, she didn’t show it, and Inuyasha found himself quite suddenly at a loss. Drawing her into a powerful embrace, he held her tightly to him as he felt moisture begin to gather in his own eyes. Blinking back the useless drops, he gritted his teeth and struggled to reign in his unruly emotions. He wouldn’t shed tears for her now, not while there was still hope! Not while his Kagome was still in there somewhere, fighting for her life. She had never given up on him, and he wasn’t about to relinquish his faith in her.
His resolve wavered as an unwelcome scent reached him. Seeking the source, he found his nose buried in Kagome’s hair, and a feeling of overpowering dread settled in the pit of his stomach. Pulling back to look at her, his eyes widened in alarm. Kagome had stopped sobbing; in fact, she had gone deathly quiet. A dark, malicious aura flared around her, growing ever stronger and more intense. The scent of youkai, the youkai, hung heavily in the air, rising in vigor even as Kagome’s own scent began to fade. Her eyes flashed open, revealing nothing but white, empty shells. Her expressive brown pupils, the windows to her soul, were gone. Reality set in slowly for Inuyasha. The demon was taking over. Kagome was losing.
“Shit! Kagome! You’d better not give in that easily! Didn’t you hear me? I said I needed you! You can’t leave...you can’t…I can’t…live without you…”
He’d never know why he did it. Perhaps it was merely the act of a desperate man who could do nothing else. Perhaps it was something more, a final farewell, a confession, an apology… Either way, as he brought his lips to hers, he knew he was losing his best friend, the one person who made his life worth living. He slumped against her chest, all light, all energy deserting him. And he finally allowed his tears to fall.
Cold. It gripped her, filled her, was her. She was cold, and that’s all she was. And yet, she welcomed it, even as grogginess invaded her mind, and it began to shut down. A voice, faint, too faint to worry about. Too sleepy to care, she slipped further into oblivion.
Warmth. It burned, scalded, drew her out even as she fought against it. Her lips tingled, shooting heat throughout her body and setting it aflame. Then the sensation was gone, but the warmth remained. She could no longer feel the night’s chill, hear the patter of the rain against he grass. An unfamiliar pressure against her chest, warm arms wrapped around her. She could feel these, but not see them. Gradually she came to realize that her eyes were closed. Opening them, she glimpsed the familiar canopy of the Goshinboku above her, though the foliage shook periodically for some reason. Or rather, she shook. Looking down for the source of the motion, she spied a white head of hair, with her favorite two dog ears perched atop it. Inuyasha… He was holding her tightly, almost painfully so, his face planted on her sternum, shaking her ever so slightly.
“Inuyasha?” His head snapped up, nearly smashing her chin on its rapid ascent, and seeing his visage wrung a stunned gasp from her throat. He was, to put it simply, a mess. Track marks marred his normally smooth cheeks, and blood leaked from a wound in his lip where a careless fang had punctured. His eyes were shining with unshed tears, the amber orbs conveying disbelief, then hope, and finally something else, something that had the butterflies in her stomach fluttering all over again. She reached up and wiped away the evidence of his sorrow, but before either of them could say anything, she felt herself being pulled back into unconsciousness. She thought she heard him call her name as the blackness took her once more.
When she woke, she was no longer sitting in the tree with Inuyasha. In fact, she wasn’t entirely sure she was…anywhere. Everywhere she looked was gray, the gloomy dye even covering the floor where she apparently sat. Rising to her feet, she tried to gather her bearings.
“Damn, bitch. You’re a hard one to crack, aren’t you?” Smothering her gasp, Kagome spun sharply to face the owner of the strange voice. Her jaw dropped as she realized just who had addressed her.
“Y-you?! How…you’re dead! Inuyasha killed you!”
The cat youkai chuckled venomously. “You’re right. I am dead…but not for long.”
A cold shiver ran down Kagome’s spine as he eyed her intently, and she struggled to staunch her rising panic. I’m a miko! I’m not helpless! Without her bow and arrows, however, things were not looking good. Yet the youkai made no move toward her; he just stood there and stared. Thoroughly confused, Kagome was about to ask what he wanted when the substance of his words sank in. W-what? He’s dead? But how—why can I see him now? Am I *gulp* dead as well? She remembered the youkai lunging toward her, too quick for her to target with an arrow. Then, just as he was upon her, Tetsusaiga flashed across her vision, slicing the youkai in two. She remembered looking down at the blood staining her blouse…then pain, blinding, excruciating agony. Pain so unbearable it felt like her bones were melting. She had screamed…then nothing. Kagome frowned; something here didn’t make sense. How could she be dead when she hadn’t even suffered any wounds?
“Where are we?” she growled, allowing her miko aura to flare just slightly, hoping to intimidate the arrogant youkai standing before her. The jerk just smirked even wider.
“What, you don’t recognize your own mind? Though I suppose you wouldn’t, considering how I’ve made a few…slight alterations.”
More confused than ever, Kagome tried futilely to make sense of the situation. Inside my mind? So…are we not really here? Seemingly oblivious to her consternation, the youkai continued his conceited speech.
“This rebirth power is really quite wonderful, you know. And I didn’t even know I had it! All that’s left to do is quell that rebellious will of yours, and my original form will be restored!”
And suddenly, it clicked. The blood on her shirt, the searing pain, her strange encounters with Inuyasha, waking up in the hanyou’s arms… Somehow, this demon had gotten inside her body, and he was trying to possess her mind so he could return to his original form. Nothing that had ‘happened’ since the battle by the well had really happened. The only thing she knew for certain was that Inuyasha’s embrace, his tear streaked face—those had been real. How she knew this was a mystery, but the conclusion that followed filled her with righteous rage. Everything else was just an illusion…
“You…you BASTARD!” she shrieked, earning a startled look from the youkai before her. “It was you the whole time! You made me see those things! In my room, Inuyasha and Kikyou. Why? How could you toy with somebody’s emotions like that?!”
The youkai responded with a humorless chuckle. “Isn’t it obvious? If you became lost in the illusion, your mind would lay dormant forever and your body would be mine for the taking. And it would have worked too, if that damn half-breed hadn’t interfered.”
Kagome’s expression turned contemplative; she remembered lying face-down on the ground, nearly slipping into unconsciousness before something stopped her. Some unknown force, strong and resolute, had gripped her, forcing warmth into her frozen limbs and dragging her back toward the light. The feeling had centered on her lips… Her eyes widened, her hand coming up to touch her lower lip. He kissed me…and he was crying for me. Her smile was small and brief, her principle emotion soon shifting to anger once again. This rotten bastard! How dare he?! How dare he cause Inuyasha so much grief! It was bad enough when the youkai had just wronged her, but now her fury had doubled, even tripled. Her miko aura flashed and sparked around her, beginning to push back the gray, revealing a luscious green patch of grass beneath her feet. The youkai took a nervous step back, before going on the verbal offensive once again.
“Don’t look so mad! I showed you exactly what you wanted didn’t I? You could have been happy; you could have lived your entire life with your pathetic hanyou, the man you supposedly love.” At Kagome’s shocked expression, he continued to berate her. “Oh, yes, young miko. I’m inside your mind, and all your memories are open to my gaze. It’s sad, really, your shallow, deceitful notion of love. You claim to love Inuyasha, and yet you wouldn’t even tell him, let alone show him, when he told you he loved you. You are a liar, little girl. And you just let the poor puppy believe you care for him, stringing him along for the ride as y—”
“Shut up!” Kagome yelled, trying not to let the youkai’s harsh words get to her. But there was a measure of truth behind them, a truth that weighed heavily on her. No! I refused Inuyasha because I had to…something deep inside told me it was wrong. And I was right! “You’re wrong! Me stopping Inuyasha had nothing to do with my feelings for him!”
“Ha! Your feelings are weak! ‘I wish I never met him!’ Sound familiar?”
Kagome gasped, remembering with crystal clarity how she’d screamed that cursed phrase just before giving up, waiting…waiting to die? She suddenly felt so ashamed, and the youkai showed her no mercy.
“Your faith in Inuyasha is just as fragile. Tell me, why was it so easy to believe the sight of him making love with Kikyou? How could you doubt the man you claim to love so much, to think that immediately after confessing his feelings to you, he would run back to his former love? You are pathetic, Kagome. Inuyasha would be better off without you, and your incessant weakness of both body and soul.”
Kagome closed her eyes, tears falling freely as the bitter accuracy of the man’s accusations set in. When she opened them again, the gray had returned full-force, growing ever darker. The youkai was wavering before her, slowly fading into the distance as blackness closed in on her. His diabolical laughter drifted to her ears, as well as what was intended to be a final comment.
“That’s right, little girl. Just give in; I promise you will feel no more pain. Be at peace…”
Peace. The notion was so tempting, to run away from her shortcomings, her pain, her guilt. Inuyasha really would be better off without her.
A single image passed her mind, causing her to cease her descent into oblivion. The vision of Inuyasha, staring at her with tears in his eyes, shining with pure emotion. The feel of his lips on hers… The memories gave her a reason to live, a reason to fight. Her miko powers surged to life, spiraling around her and granting her an entirely different kind of peace. They caressed her, spoke to her, reassured her that everything was alright, that everything she had done today she had done out of love. It was them…it was my miko powers that stopped me from doing anything with Inuyasha! Deep down, at the most instinctual of levels, her inner miko had known the truth, that Inuyasha’s confession of love was nothing more than the perverted adaptation of her own dreams, created by an evil youkai. And somehow, feeling that way about his declaration had made his being with Kikyou that much more believable. I ran. I ran because I’ve always known that things could turn out that way. I want Inuyasha to be happy, and if he needs Kikyou for that… And if things do turn out that way, then I have every right to be heartbroken! But I won’t force Inuyasha to choose between us. I’ll stay with him as long as I can, because…I really do love him.
The reaffirmance of her deepest feelings gave her strength, and she summoned the full measure of her miko powers, fueling them with the purity of her heart, the love she stored there. Quickly the curtain of black surrounding her turned to gray, then an opaque white. The youkai was there, and Kagome took small delight in the look of fear gracing his features as he struggled to maintain the integrity of the bubble he had enclosed them in. But it was futile; bursts of miko energy punched through as if it was made of paper, revealing all manner of vibrant colors in the background. As the shield imploded and finally collapsed completely, Kagome’s breath hitched in her throat. Laid out before her was the single most beautiful, breathtaking landscape she had ever seen. It was truly a spectacle of nature, the wide flowing valley, covered in lush green. Rolling hills stretched for miles until the edge of a distant forest, which slowly climbed upward to the bases of picturesque mountains, rising gracefully to snow-capped peaks that disappeared into the clouds. She felt humbled as she took in the magnificence, the sheer vitality of it all. So this is what the inside of my mind looks like...I should come here more often! Remembering why she was here, Kagome turned to regard the youkai once more, the fury radiating off him standing in stark contrast to the tranquility of the valley.
“Damn you, bitch!” he growled, brandishing his razor sharp claws menacingly. “I tried to do this the easy way, but it looks like I’m going to have to use force after all! Prepare yourself!”
Kagome didn’t flinch as the youkai charged, didn’t react as he leapt in preparation for a single, killing blow. She raised her hands just as he swung his arm. A horrid screech of pain broke the silence of the valley, the smell of charred flesh overpowering even Kagome’s human nose. For several seconds the youkai just hung there, suspended inches from her outstretched palms by a fiery torrent of miko energy. Then he was flung back, his body landing bonelessly in a heap and rolling to a stop some fifty feet away. He lay there unmoving as wisps of smoke continued to rise from his broken form. Kagome stumbled back, nearly falling as strange images rushed past her eyes, visions of things she’d never seen before.
Orphan. A young boy, weeping silently over the remains of his parents. Loneliness. Searching for kin, but finding no soul willing to take him in. Survival. Killing, growing, learning. Others, strangers who became friends, brothers, sisters. Power. No mercy, slaughtering humans, burning villages. Seeking the Shikon no Tama. Power. The power to protect those held dear, to ensure that neither he nor they would ever be lonely again…
Kagome choked out a sob as she rushed over to the fallen youkai. He lay there in his true form, a giant black cat, about eight feet long from head to tail. His chest was as still as Kagome’s heart, and tears flowed freely down her cheeks. He had seen inside her soul, and when she had attacked, engulfing him in the full might of her miko aura, his soul had been bared to her as well.
“Why do you cry, miko?”
Kagome gasped sharply and looked up. There, hovering a few feet away, was the young boy she had seen, the child the dead youkai lying before her used to be. He was a spirit, his body transparent, but he was smiling nonetheless. Kagome lowered her eyes, unable to meet his gaze.
“So…so sad,” she mumbled. A gentle hand raised her chin, urging her to look at him. Still he smiled, eyes shining with an inner serenity.
“Don’t cry for me. My life has been difficult, but I’m not alone anymore. Somehow I found others like me, and we created a family. I only regret the last few years. Somehow I forgot how it felt to be an orphan. I killed…how many humans did I slaughter in the name of power? How much misery have I caused in the name of becoming stronger?” Now the boy’s eyes were closed, and Kagome stared at rapt attention. Then he opened his yellow eyes, and a grin returned to his countenance. “But you have saved me, miko. You purified me of my hate, took away my lust for power. Thank you,” he said, bowing low. “But now I must return to my body, and you must purify me. Only then will you be completely free of me.”
“B-but if I do that, won’t you go to hell?” The boy chuckled, amused by her concern, considering how he had just tried to kill her.
“It matters not. I must pay for the sins I have committed.”
“No! Y-you’re just an innocent kid now! Like you said, I purified you of your evil. Why should you have to suffer now?”
“Because you cannot rid yourself of my youkai essence unless I am purified along with it. The moment my spirit leaves you, the youki I leave behind will completely dissolve. It will remain inside you forever, and you will never be able to rid yourself of it.”
Kagome gave herself no time to reconsider before she gave her answer. “Then let it stay.”
The spirit’s eyes hardened in anger, then softened as he realized just how determined Kagome was to not let a child suffer. Kagome, for her part, was thinking back to her adventure with Mayu. She refused to let the spirit of a child burn in hell before, and she wasn’t about to let it happen now, no matter what unknown consequences awaited her decision. Reluctantly, the boy nodded his consent.
“Very well, miko. Thank you. You are truly amazing…I have never before met a heart so pure. Who knows? Perhaps you will make better use of my youkai essence than I ever did. Farewell.”
Kagome smiled and waved as the youkai’s spirit vanished, and just as he predicted the giant cat melted instantly, and was absorbed into the earth beneath it. And Kagome was left in blessed solitude, her mind finally free of foreign influence. Suddenly she felt very tired, and she surrendered to fatigue, lying down in the soft grass. When she awoke, she knew she would be in the real world again.
“Kagome!” Inuyasha called as she slipped back into unconsciousness. Dammit! He took a deep breath to calm himself. Kagome had woken up, she seemed back to normal, and she was no longer emanating a dark aura. She still smelled a little of that bastard cat youkai, but it was very faint. He had to have faith; Kagome’s ordeal was not over, but he knew she would overcome. That confidence was very much shaken when it happened again—her eyes going blank and the dark aura gripping her. But it was over before he had time to react, and from that point on her miko aura steadily grew in strength, eventually driving out the last speck of evil. He was very surprised that he himself was not being purified by her unruly powers, but he hadn’t even felt a tingle. He would worry about that later, he decided, after she woke up. Finally, after what seemed like hours of waiting, she stirred in his arms and opened her eyes.
“Inuyasha…”
The hanyou felt his mouth go dry. Relief had never been such a powerful emotion before, one that threatened to reduce him to tears again. But he held back, not wanting to show that weakness twice in one evening.
“Are you okay, Kagome?”
“Yeah.” Comfortable silence fell between the pair, each contemplating their own thoughts about the events that had just taken place. Gratitude welled up inside Kagome, too strong to be kept quiet. “Inuyasha?” she asked nervously.
“Yeah?”
“D-did you kiss me?”
He stiffened and stuttered, his reaction confirming what she already knew to be true. She could tell he was about to say something stupid, something he didn’t really mean, something that would definitely ruin the atmosphere of the moment. She didn’t give him the chance.
“Thank you.”
Inuyasha’s gruff reply died on his lips as his eyes widened impossibly. He found himself questioning his demonic hearing, before she continued. “You saved me. I…I was lost in the illusion. You brought me back. And…you shed tears for me.” Inuyasha tightened his grip on her. Normally, he would deny them—either kissing her or crying for her—but tonight, after everything that had happened, after almost losing her, he just couldn’t.
“Yeah, well, you’d just better keep all that shit to yourself.”
Kagome giggled, and Inuyasha couldn’t help but grin in response. Talk about ruining the moment... Kagome shivered, and Inuyasha shrugged off his haori to drape it over her bare legs.
“You wanna go back to the hut?” he asked, secretly hoping she would say no. When she shook her head vigorously, he drew her closer until her head was resting comfortably on his chest. As the sound of his heartbeat lulled her to sleep, Kagome couldn’t help but think that maybe Inuyasha hadn’t ruined the moment after all.
(1) I’m working under the theory that it’s been a little more than a year since Kagome first fell through the well. I know everything in the manga takes place within 9 months or so, and that’s fine if you’re just taking into account the events of the manga. But the anime adds so much more stuff, and if you try to squeeze the movies in there too you’re really pushing it. All that couldn’t possibly happen in less than a year, so I don’t really feel guilty about expanding the timeline a little, even if in this story the later events of the manga didn’t happen. So assume Kagome is sixteen here.
A/N – Just to clarify, the youkai (don’t worry, he’ll get a name later) doesn’t try to just overpower Kagome at first because it’s a lot less risky to use underhanded tactics. Think about it; if he uses illusions and doubt, he can possibly achieve his objective without risking purification. And he almost did…twice! That’s why using force is a last resort for him.
The idea to have the inside of Kagome’s mind be a beautiful valley kind of struck me at the last minute. It makes sense, your subconscious mind being a reflection of your personality. And if you’re confused about the whole thing, I’ll try to explain. Kagome is unconscious for almost this whole chapter. The youkai is inside her mind, and the Kagome that confronts him is basically a manifestation her mind creates so she can fight him. It’s not her physical body; if she lost, her body wouldn’t have been destroyed. She would have lost the battle for her mind, however, and the youkai would have been able to complete Rebirth. Kagome, for all intents and purposes, would be dead, but her physical body would have reformed into the youkai’s original body. It makes sense, I swear!
Also, Kagome’s miko powers separate the youkai’s spirit from his youki, while at the same time purifying the spirit of its evil. Normally when a youkai’s spirit gets separated from its body (when it’s killed), the youki dissipates immediately because the spirit flies off. In this case, however, the youki doesn’t dissolve because the spirit is still nearby, inside Kagome’s mind. By retaining the youkai’s essence, Kagome frees the youkai’s spirit, allowing it to go to heaven (or wherever good spirits go in Japan). Oh, and I’m using the terms ‘essence’ and ‘youki’ interchangeably.
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