InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Metamorphosis ❯ Introspectives ( Chapter 11 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: King Baka 
An encounter with an old friend takes an unexpected turn, as Kagome gets her first taste of what it means to be a hanyou.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Suspense / Romance / Hentai / Adventure | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 12.22.2008 | Updated On: 12.19.2010 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.2K | Visits: 3.9K | Status: Completed
An encounter with an old friend takes an unexpected turn, as Kagome gets her first taste of what it means to be a hanyou.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Suspense / Romance / Hentai / Adventure | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 12.22.2008 | Updated On: 12.19.2010 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.2K | Visits: 3.9K | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha or any of the publicly known characters, plot, etc. I’m just renting them from Rumiko Takahashi, Viz, etc. I do own the plot of this story and any original characters I’ve created. I will make no money from this fic; I write for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of my readers.
Fanfiction of the Week: Children of Light, by The Lady Pantera
It’s a shame that this is the only fanfic Lady P has posted. I really liked this story, and I would love to read more of her work.
Introspectives
“Oi, Myouga! How much farther, already?”
“Patience, Inuyasha-sama. Daichi-sama’s cave is another two or three days journey by foot.”
Grrrrr. “I’m gonna give that jiji a piece of my mind when we get there! Makin’ us walk all this way…”
“Relax, Inuyasha,” Miroku interjected. “There really is no need to rush. Our friend’s hanyou transformation isn’t hurting her, is it, Kagome-sama?”
“Nope. I’m finally starting to get used to it.”
Inuyasha scowled. It had been three days since they left Kaede’s village, and they didn’t seem to be getting any closer to achieving their goal. And as far as he was concerned, there was substantial reason to rush. He could already see it happening; Kagome was starting to appreciate her hanyou powers. And how could he blame her? He loved his senses, his strength, his agility, and hated losing them, even for one night a lunar cycle. But there was a darker, more sinister side to being a hanyou, one that he didn’t like to talk about. Perhaps if he was more open with his past, it would be easier to get the humans in the group to understand his urgency, the reason why he so adamantly wished for Kagome to permanently return to her human form as soon as possible. His memories were like poison, the passage of time barely dulling the sounds of his cries, the yelling, the agony, and the blood. Eventually he had hardened, years of loneliness and torment layering themselves over his heart in a near impenetrable wall. Kikyou had cracked that wall, and Kagome had penetrated deeper, brought it to the brink of shattering. Kagome…
She was a delicate flower fluttering in the breeze, her mind free from taint. If he ever lived to see the day when she wilted, spirit broken, and began constructing her own wall… He shuddered, knowing that witnessing the destruction of such a beautiful soul would kill him. His heart clenched upon imagining what she would look like. Her dazzling brown eyes would darken as the light inside her faded. She would become a ghost, a shell of her former self. She would become…like Kikyou. He gritted his teeth at the realization. No! I won’t let that happen! Kagome was so full of life, and he would do everything in his power to make sure she stayed that way. He would shield her from anything, all the prejudice, all the hate of the world if he could. Kagome would not become like Kikyou.
So lost in thought was Inuyasha, that he almost missed the familiar scent on the breeze. Perhaps he would have if the smell wasn’t so pungent, and didn’t inspire feelings of jealousy and irritation within him. Kagome’s declaration that she sensed approaching jewel shards only confirmed what he already knew. This was about to get ugly.
“Hey, Kagome,” Kouga greeted, leaping out of his tornado to land right in front of her. As always, he grasped her hands and stared into her eyes as he spoke. “How’s my wom—”
Kagome might have laughed at the wolf’s expression if she wasn’t suddenly so unbearably nervous. Kouga’s eyes widened to an impossible degree, his jaw dropping as his nose worked overtime to verify again and again what his eyes were telling him. His gaze drifted to her ears, and he stared at them as they twitched anxiously under the scrutiny, his arms falling to hang limply at his sides. His mouth worked silently for several long moments, trying and failing to form words. Finally, he seemed to gather himself as another emotion swiftly replaced shock.
“Inu-kurro!” he yelled, darting over to confront Inuyasha eye to eye, less than a foot between them. “What. Did. You. Do. To. MY. WOMAN?!!!!”
“Feh! I didn’t do anything, you mangy wolf!”
At this, the rage burning in Kouga’s eyes only deepened. “Then what did you let happen to her?!”
Inuyasha didn’t have an answer, and Kouga’s anger boiled over as he swung his fist, which the hanyou easily dodged.
“I’m going to kill you for this, Inu-kurro!”
“Oh, yeah? Bring it on! I’ve wanted to tear your lungs out ever since I met you!”
“Inuyasha! Kouga-kun! Please!” Kagome screamed, placing herself between the two glaring males, one hand on each rival’s chest. Both growled low, but backed off, for the moment at least. Kagome turned to face the new arrival, her hands clasped pleadingly in front of her.
“Kouga-kun, it’s my fault this happened, not Inuyasha’s.”
“Don’t defend him, Kagome. He’s not worth it. If he was a halfway decent protector, this,” he spat, waving his hand at her, “would never have happened.”
“No, Kouga-kun,” Kagome replied hastily before Inuyasha could. “It really was my fault. Inuyasha told me to stay out of the way, but I didn’t listen.”
“Th-that doesn’t matter! Dammit, Kagome! I knew I shouldn’t have left you with that incompetent moron! I should have been there to—”
“Well you weren’t there, were you, wolf? You were off sniffing around the countryside with your flea-ridden buddies!”
“You want I should take Kagome with me? I’d be more than happy to take her as my mate right now! And then she’d never need to be near you and your rancid stench ever aga—”
“THAT’S ENOUGH!!!!!”
Kagome’s incredible outburst silenced not only the two bickering males, but the entirety of the surrounding forest as well. Not even the smallest creature dared to move or make a sound, lest it draw the formidable ire of the enraged woman glaring death at her two companions. She was blushing head to toe, but the hotness of her cheeks only served to make her seem even more incensed.
“Inuyasha, osuwari!!”
*Thud*
“And you!” she yelled, rounding on Kouga, whose snickering abruptly ceased. “I am NOT your woman and I’m DEFINITELY not going to be your ‘mate!’”
Once again, Kouga’s jaw dropped to his knees, but he quickly slammed it shut. Turning his head away, he changed the subject.
“So what are you planning to do about this?”
“We’re going to meet someone who might know how to change me back,” Kagome answered, softer this time as a twinge of guilt struck her.
“I think that’s for the best.” Then, in a flash, Kouga was in front of her once more, holding her hands. “Kagome, you are my woman, and you will be my mate. You just don’t know it yet.” With that, he leaned down, placed a peck on her cheek, and dashed off.
“Oi! I saw that!” Inuyasha bellowed from his prone position on the ground. “Get back here and let me rip your lips off!”
Unbeknownst to the hanyou, the rumbling volcano that was Kagome had not yet erupted. If he had known, he would have covered his ears.
“GAH! I’M SURROUNDED BY THICKHEADED BAKAS!!!!!”
After she finished her deafening cry to the heavens, Kagome stood stock still, breathing heavily and trying to regain her composure.
“Well..,” Sango said after awhile, being the only one brave enough to break the silence. “That was interesting.”
At her words, Kagome felt all her anger melt away, to be replaced with remorse and guilt. Oh, no! What did I do? I never meant to say those things to Kouga!
“Oh, Sango-chan! I don’t know what came over me! When he said he was going to…mate with me, I just felt this incredible urge to punch him in the head. It was all I could do to just yell at him instead!”
“Uh, Kagome-chan, he wasn’t just propositioning you. I don’t know a whole lot about it, but apparently for a youkai, properly ‘mating’ someone is like marrying them.” (1)
“Either way, we don’t blame you for telling him off, Kagome-sama,” Miroku responded seriously. “No man has the right to claim a woman as his own without her consent. Perhaps Inuyasha could shed some more light on what he meant by you becoming his ‘mate,’” the monk proposed, anxious to see what stuttering, awkward comment the hanyou would come up with on such a sensitive subject.
But Inuyasha wasn’t paying attention; he was staring off into space, a small, contented grin tugging at the corners of his lips. He was repeating Kagome’s words to that self-righteous prick Kouga over and over in his head. “I am NOT your woman and I’m DEFINITELY not going to be your mate!” Keh, about time she put that fleabag in his place! Too bad he’s too stupid to get the message.
“Inuyasha?” Kagome tried, drawing him from his daze.
“Alright, enough time wasted. Let’s go,” he ordered, effectively covering his embarrassment. The others were content to let the uncomfortable subject drop, and no more was said on the matter.
To his surprise, Kagome sped past him and proceeded to walk ahead for the next several minutes. It baffled him, and he as he tried to figure out the reason behind her actions, he took a deep breath and noticed that they had just about left the foul stench of wolf behind them. At that moment, Kagome began drifting back until she resumed her customary position among the humans. Now he was truly mystified, and he knew he would find no peace until he got to the bottom of it. Then, as he reconsidered what had transpired in the past few minutes, a thought struck him. A positively delightful thought, one that caused his visage to twist in a smile so evil it would have put Naraku himself to shame. But he had to be sure, and to that end he stopped directly in front of Kagome, staring at her when she came to a halt before him. He searched her eyes, scanning for anything to confirm his theory. Finally, she cracked, lowering her head and averting her gaze. Inuyasha nearly whooped in victory.
“I knew it! You hate that mongrel’s scent too!”
“I do not!” Kagome yelled, though her voice lacked its usual conviction.
“Do too!”
“Do not!”
“Come on, Kagome! I can tell you’re lying. It’s as clear as day!”
Frowning, Kagome finally gave up the charade. “I don’t hate his scent. I just don’t like it.”
At this, Inuyasha could contain his glee and amusement no longer, as he cackled merrily while adopting a big, shit-eating grin. The other members of the Inu-gang backed off a step, finding the hanyou’s bubbly behavior decidedly creepy.
“Oh, I can’t wait to rub his nose in it!”
“Inuyasha! If you ever tell Kouga-kun, I swear…I don’t know how many times I’ll say ‘the word,’ but I promise it will be a new record!”
But even that threat could not dampen Inuyasha’s good mood, though it did cause him to reconsider his plan of exposing Kagome’s secret to the wolf. Though it might be worth the pain just to see the look on his face.
“Dammit!” Kouga swore as he sped away from his woman. A riot of emotion flowed through him, hopelessly jumbling his feelings. Ever since he had first fallen for Kagome, there had been a plan, one that was supposed to go off without a hitch. He had been completely honest when he had declared his love for her the day of the battle with the Birds of Paradise. Never had he met a woman more worthy of his hand. But because she was human, he vowed then and there to be patient with her. She wouldn’t understand youkai customs, that his claim on her was binding, and that he was seriously defying convention by allowing her to remain in the company of that half-breed mutt. But for whatever reason, she wanted to stay with her friends, and he respected that.
He scoffed. Any youkai bitch would be glad to have me, so why is the one woman I want not interested?! (2) Kagome’s harsh words came back to him, ricocheting around in his mind and shooting straight through his heart. His carefully laid plans creaked and buckled, threatening to crash down around him. He shuddered at the thought of what Kagome had become. Having hanyou children was one thing, but mating one was another entirely. Hanyou were tainted, impure, proof that two beings had blatantly broken the laws of nature. They were to be hated, ostracized, even killed, and the world would be better off without them. Most were weak to begin with; how Inuyasha had managed to survive as long as he had was a mystery. Probably because of that sword of his.
It was not lost on Kouga that he was planning to shatter those very laws of nature by mating with Kagome. He would love her, cherish her until the end of her days. He would remain faithful to her even as she became old and weary, but when her mortal lifespan was finally used up, he would move on. He would give her children to make her happy, and they would know no harm while he was alive, but he would never truly consider them his heirs. For that, a proper youkai mate was necessary. But he had hundreds, perhaps even thousands of years to find one of those, and he wanted to enjoy a mortal lifespan with the first woman he had ever fallen for.
Unfortunately, fate had continually interfered with his plans. It started with Inuyasha, and Kagome’s incomprehensive attachment, even affection for the ingrate. He had no idea why she even bothered to care for the bastard, especially considering how he treated her. He offered her protection, but the price for it was insults, sadness, and tears. He didn’t shower her with words of affection as she deserved, though perhaps that was because Inu-kurro was still hung up on another woman! And yet, Kagome had made it perfectly clear that she cared deeply for the jackass, perhaps even loved him. She certainly seemed to prefer the mutt’s company over his own.
But Kouga wouldn’t—couldn’t give up. He loved her far too much for that. Kagome would change back into the human form he adored so much, and then he would slay Naraku, proving once and for all that he was the only man deserving of her hand. And she would come to him willingly. This he had to believe, despite the way she and Inu-kurro seemed to be drifting closer every time he saw them, or how his logical mind told him she was already lost. To believe otherwise, to throw away his faith in himself, would be to admit defeat. And that was something he would never do, especially to a worthless half-breed.
Inuyasha’s pleasant mood slowly dissipated as the day wore on. It wasn’t that he began feeling bad for the wolf; that certainly was not the case. But how was he supposed to be happy when Kagome obviously wasn’t? He had a fairly good idea what was bothering her, and it pissed him off to no end. I always knew he was an asshole, but this is bad even for a bastard like him! He didn’t know what stirred his ire more: Kouga’s harsh reaction or the fact that it affected Kagome so much.
Dinner was a quiet affair, as everyone in the group sensed that their miko companion wasn’t in a mood for conversation. Finally, just as the tired members of the Inu-gang were settling down for the night, Inuyasha snapped. The scent of her melancholy had been bad enough, but ultimately, what pushed him over the edge was the soft, despondent sigh she heaved as she slipped into her sleeping bag. Grabbing Shippou by the tail, he tossed the runt across the campsite, ignoring his high-pitched protests. Then he snatched up Kagome, still encased in the sleeping roll, and darted into the forest. She didn’t protest his actions, and her silence only fueled his anger. Reaching a suitable distance away from camp, he set her down against a tree, the gentleness of his movements belying the turmoil raging inside him. He began pacing back and forth, trying to come up with something to say. Kagome merely sat watching him, her eyes dulled by dejection.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, wench!” was what he finally settled on, though her cringe and the way her ears lowered suggested that perhaps that hadn’t been the wisest choice of words. Taking a deep breath, he plopped himself on the ground, sitting cross-legged a few feet in front of her.
“Look, Kagome,” he continued, his tone much softer this time, “I have no fucking idea why, but you seem to value that fleabag wolf’s opinion of you. But I can’t believe you let him get to you this much! If he can’t accept you for who—what you are, then he’s not worth your fucking time or your friendship!”
That got a reaction out of her, though he still saw the hurt in her eyes. Today, this innocent young woman had experienced her first taste of real rejection, and it had inflicted deep wounds. Days ago, her grandfather had immediately apologized for his outburst, and Kagome could have faith that he meant it when he said he would always accept her. Kouga had given no such assurances, nor earned any faith on her part. And it got worse; Kouga hadn’t insulted her, called her filthy names, or tried to kill her. But those things could happen in the future, and Inuyasha once again reaffirmed his promise to return Kagome to her human form. This goal was really the only thing he and Kouga agreed on, but he wasn’t like that bastard. Whereas Kouga wanted Kagome to transform back for his own selfish reasons, for Inuyasha it truly was about what was best for her.
“Did you see how he looked at me, Inuyasha? Like he couldn’t stand to look at me?!”
“You think I haven’t seen that look a thousand times?! You know what I say about the people who look at me that way? Fuck ‘em. Just fuck ‘em. You find people who accept you for who you are, and you care about what they think. The rest of the world can go to hell.” By the time he finished, Inuyasha was no longer gazing at her. Instead, he was staring at the ground, lost in memory, and Kagome finally understood why he dragged her out here tonight. Oh, Kami, the way I’ve been acting…Inuyasha must think that Kouga’s opinion is the only one that matters to me! It hurt so bad, but Inuyasha’s right. I can’t let Kouga get me down, not when my friends and family still accept me. Choking back a sob, Kagome launched herself out of the sleeping bag, enfolding the surprised hanyou in a warm embrace.
“I’m sorry, Inuyasha. You’re right; I shouldn’t have let Kouga-kun get to me. I didn’t mean to belittle you, or make you think—”
“Alright already, wench! Quit your blubbering,” he ordered, gently pushing her away. “Just promise me you won’t keep moping around. You’ll slow us down,” he added reflexively, but Kagome just smiled at the lame attempt to cover his concern.
“Ok, Inuyasha. I’ll be fine, as long as you accept me…” she trailed off, her unspoken question hanging in the air.
“Feh! You don’t even need to ask.”
Then she flashed him that smile, that dazzling look, the one she only showed when he’d done something to make her deliriously happy. The one that turned his legs to jelly and his insides to mush. Unwilling to let her see how glad he was to see her smile, he leapt to his feet and turned his back on her.
“N-now get back to bed! You’ll be no good to us in the morning if you don’t sleep.”
Kagome merely chuckled at his retreating form as she bent to retrieve her sleeping bag, reading his embarrassed escape for what it was. Inuyasha still wasn’t comfortable with revealing his softer side, but that side of him seemed to be coming out more and more regardless. There was an extra bounce in Kagome’s step as she returned to camp. Though Inuyasha and her friends wanted her to revert to human form, she knew they accepted her as she was. Their attitude toward her hadn’t changed. These were the people she would place her faith and trust in, and no one else’s opinion mattered.
A lone figure moved leisurely through the trees, silhouetted by the glow of her eerie servants slithering overhead. Her face was stoic, a finely-tuned mask of indifference, but confusion and unrest wracked the inner workings of her mind. How long had it been since everything she thought she knew had been thrown to the fire?
Her childhood, her years of training, her time as a practicing miko…all these had impressed upon her one central truth about the world: that youkai were impure, and miko were pure. The powers of the miko were inexorably opposed to youki, so that one must inevitably triumph over the other. To that end, youkai should be purified at every opportunity, a mission Kikyou fulfilled faithfully until that day. The day she met Inuyasha. His humanity had saved him, stilled her arrow, even allowed them to become companions. But his youkai side haunted her as her professional convictions would not allow her to look past his taint. As they became closer, her miko powers became increasingly dormant, and she began to feel the weight of helplessness upon her shoulders. If this hanyou should seek to betray her now, would she be able to defend herself and the Shikon no Tama? Eventually, the jewel itself provided her with a solution, one which would benefit all parties. But it was not to be; betrayal did indeed strike, whether it was from Inuyasha or a thief named Onigumo, whose wickedness she had greatly underestimated.
Kikyou had known all these things as surely as she knew that Inuyasha owed her his life. But when Kagome located the hidden jewel shards, fired an incredibly powerful arrow in spite of the youkai blood running through her body, everything came crashing down upon her head. For days afterward she had wandered, trying to convince herself that it was a trick, but no plausible explanation presented itself. Finally, she had realized the truth, that Kagome truly was a hanyou miko, the first in the history of the world. And with that realization came the superfluity of questions which had been plaguing her thoughts ever since. The first was, quite simply, how was this possible? To this day she had no answer, though Inuyasha’s explanation seemed reasonable. But if that was the case, and the purity of a person’s heart determined her overall purity, then what did that say about her own heart? Was it not pure to devote one’s life to slaying youkai? Was it not pure to look past the tainted half of another, and hope for a future with him should he rid himself of it?
At one time in her life—both her lives—she considered herself at the highest pinnacle of purity. But now, evidence to the contrary had begun to stack convincingly against her. And most of it stemmed from a comparison between herself and her reincarnation. She started to lose her powers by merely associating with Inuyasha, while Kagome, who had probably gotten closer to the hanyou than she ever had, showed no sign of weakening. Even while harboring youkai blood within her body, the younger miko had managed an impressive display of miko abilities. So why had she, Kikyou, lost her powers? Was it Inuyasha’s fault, as she had always assumed, or was it something else, something wrong with her?
It had taken many days for the answer to truly sink in, and it nearly brought her to her knees when it did. In her brief time with Inuyasha, she had never fully accepted him. She had always regarded his youkai side as a danger, a defect that needed to be removed. She had never trusted him, accepted him for what he was, as Kagome did. That was why she lost her powers; because she judged him by his blood, not by his actions and the content of his heart. That was true purity, to look past all physical manifestations and only see a person’s soul. She had always criticized Kagome for her lack of training, but in this, that very amateurism helped her reach a level of purity that Kikyou herself could never hope to achieve. For she knew she could never completely banish her rigid training, her inflexible beliefs about right and wrong, miko and youkai. But she was at least coming to terms with her fallacies, the tragic mistakes of the past, as her wounded soul slowly healed. Day by day, a warm sensation of peace wrapped itself more snugly around her. And so she continued her aimless wandering, longing for the day when her soul would perhaps finally find the complete peace it desired.
(1) Yes, the old mating cliché will appear in this story. I don’t mind it at all as long as it’s reasonable. But it will be toned down from what you see in some fanfictions, taking out some of the cliché elements. More explained in later chapters.
(2) There’s no Ayame in the manga, and I’m not including her in this story. I once read that she was just an attempt to give Kouga a happy ending, because clearly he wasn’t going to end up with Kagome. I don’t hate Kouga, but I’m not particularly interested in giving him a happy ending (and definitely not that other kind of happy ending). So sorry for all you Ayame fans, but she doesn’t exist.
A/N – I know some of you are waiting for angst, and you will get some, though I think you may be disappointed if you’re looking for a lot. But who knows? I may surprise myself with a couple really dark chapters. At this point, a lot of plot is still up in the air. And if I don’t end up putting enough angst, I’ll remove the label and apologize profusely for misleading you all. Stupid author’s notes…sometimes I get the verbal diarrhea and say too much. Like right now!
2010 Note – No apologies necessary! This story does get some major angst later on. “A couple really dark chapters” may be understating things. Also, does anyone else think Inuyasha and Kagome blush too much? I’m working on it, I really am. There are just so many potentially embarrassing moments in these early chapters.
Converting /tmp/phpd5J8l3 to /dev/stdout
Fanfiction of the Week: Children of Light, by The Lady Pantera
It’s a shame that this is the only fanfic Lady P has posted. I really liked this story, and I would love to read more of her work.
Introspectives
“Oi, Myouga! How much farther, already?”
“Patience, Inuyasha-sama. Daichi-sama’s cave is another two or three days journey by foot.”
Grrrrr. “I’m gonna give that jiji a piece of my mind when we get there! Makin’ us walk all this way…”
“Relax, Inuyasha,” Miroku interjected. “There really is no need to rush. Our friend’s hanyou transformation isn’t hurting her, is it, Kagome-sama?”
“Nope. I’m finally starting to get used to it.”
Inuyasha scowled. It had been three days since they left Kaede’s village, and they didn’t seem to be getting any closer to achieving their goal. And as far as he was concerned, there was substantial reason to rush. He could already see it happening; Kagome was starting to appreciate her hanyou powers. And how could he blame her? He loved his senses, his strength, his agility, and hated losing them, even for one night a lunar cycle. But there was a darker, more sinister side to being a hanyou, one that he didn’t like to talk about. Perhaps if he was more open with his past, it would be easier to get the humans in the group to understand his urgency, the reason why he so adamantly wished for Kagome to permanently return to her human form as soon as possible. His memories were like poison, the passage of time barely dulling the sounds of his cries, the yelling, the agony, and the blood. Eventually he had hardened, years of loneliness and torment layering themselves over his heart in a near impenetrable wall. Kikyou had cracked that wall, and Kagome had penetrated deeper, brought it to the brink of shattering. Kagome…
She was a delicate flower fluttering in the breeze, her mind free from taint. If he ever lived to see the day when she wilted, spirit broken, and began constructing her own wall… He shuddered, knowing that witnessing the destruction of such a beautiful soul would kill him. His heart clenched upon imagining what she would look like. Her dazzling brown eyes would darken as the light inside her faded. She would become a ghost, a shell of her former self. She would become…like Kikyou. He gritted his teeth at the realization. No! I won’t let that happen! Kagome was so full of life, and he would do everything in his power to make sure she stayed that way. He would shield her from anything, all the prejudice, all the hate of the world if he could. Kagome would not become like Kikyou.
So lost in thought was Inuyasha, that he almost missed the familiar scent on the breeze. Perhaps he would have if the smell wasn’t so pungent, and didn’t inspire feelings of jealousy and irritation within him. Kagome’s declaration that she sensed approaching jewel shards only confirmed what he already knew. This was about to get ugly.
“Hey, Kagome,” Kouga greeted, leaping out of his tornado to land right in front of her. As always, he grasped her hands and stared into her eyes as he spoke. “How’s my wom—”
Kagome might have laughed at the wolf’s expression if she wasn’t suddenly so unbearably nervous. Kouga’s eyes widened to an impossible degree, his jaw dropping as his nose worked overtime to verify again and again what his eyes were telling him. His gaze drifted to her ears, and he stared at them as they twitched anxiously under the scrutiny, his arms falling to hang limply at his sides. His mouth worked silently for several long moments, trying and failing to form words. Finally, he seemed to gather himself as another emotion swiftly replaced shock.
“Inu-kurro!” he yelled, darting over to confront Inuyasha eye to eye, less than a foot between them. “What. Did. You. Do. To. MY. WOMAN?!!!!”
“Feh! I didn’t do anything, you mangy wolf!”
At this, the rage burning in Kouga’s eyes only deepened. “Then what did you let happen to her?!”
Inuyasha didn’t have an answer, and Kouga’s anger boiled over as he swung his fist, which the hanyou easily dodged.
“I’m going to kill you for this, Inu-kurro!”
“Oh, yeah? Bring it on! I’ve wanted to tear your lungs out ever since I met you!”
“Inuyasha! Kouga-kun! Please!” Kagome screamed, placing herself between the two glaring males, one hand on each rival’s chest. Both growled low, but backed off, for the moment at least. Kagome turned to face the new arrival, her hands clasped pleadingly in front of her.
“Kouga-kun, it’s my fault this happened, not Inuyasha’s.”
“Don’t defend him, Kagome. He’s not worth it. If he was a halfway decent protector, this,” he spat, waving his hand at her, “would never have happened.”
“No, Kouga-kun,” Kagome replied hastily before Inuyasha could. “It really was my fault. Inuyasha told me to stay out of the way, but I didn’t listen.”
“Th-that doesn’t matter! Dammit, Kagome! I knew I shouldn’t have left you with that incompetent moron! I should have been there to—”
“Well you weren’t there, were you, wolf? You were off sniffing around the countryside with your flea-ridden buddies!”
“You want I should take Kagome with me? I’d be more than happy to take her as my mate right now! And then she’d never need to be near you and your rancid stench ever aga—”
“THAT’S ENOUGH!!!!!”
Kagome’s incredible outburst silenced not only the two bickering males, but the entirety of the surrounding forest as well. Not even the smallest creature dared to move or make a sound, lest it draw the formidable ire of the enraged woman glaring death at her two companions. She was blushing head to toe, but the hotness of her cheeks only served to make her seem even more incensed.
“Inuyasha, osuwari!!”
*Thud*
“And you!” she yelled, rounding on Kouga, whose snickering abruptly ceased. “I am NOT your woman and I’m DEFINITELY not going to be your ‘mate!’”
Once again, Kouga’s jaw dropped to his knees, but he quickly slammed it shut. Turning his head away, he changed the subject.
“So what are you planning to do about this?”
“We’re going to meet someone who might know how to change me back,” Kagome answered, softer this time as a twinge of guilt struck her.
“I think that’s for the best.” Then, in a flash, Kouga was in front of her once more, holding her hands. “Kagome, you are my woman, and you will be my mate. You just don’t know it yet.” With that, he leaned down, placed a peck on her cheek, and dashed off.
“Oi! I saw that!” Inuyasha bellowed from his prone position on the ground. “Get back here and let me rip your lips off!”
Unbeknownst to the hanyou, the rumbling volcano that was Kagome had not yet erupted. If he had known, he would have covered his ears.
“GAH! I’M SURROUNDED BY THICKHEADED BAKAS!!!!!”
After she finished her deafening cry to the heavens, Kagome stood stock still, breathing heavily and trying to regain her composure.
“Well..,” Sango said after awhile, being the only one brave enough to break the silence. “That was interesting.”
At her words, Kagome felt all her anger melt away, to be replaced with remorse and guilt. Oh, no! What did I do? I never meant to say those things to Kouga!
“Oh, Sango-chan! I don’t know what came over me! When he said he was going to…mate with me, I just felt this incredible urge to punch him in the head. It was all I could do to just yell at him instead!”
“Uh, Kagome-chan, he wasn’t just propositioning you. I don’t know a whole lot about it, but apparently for a youkai, properly ‘mating’ someone is like marrying them.” (1)
“Either way, we don’t blame you for telling him off, Kagome-sama,” Miroku responded seriously. “No man has the right to claim a woman as his own without her consent. Perhaps Inuyasha could shed some more light on what he meant by you becoming his ‘mate,’” the monk proposed, anxious to see what stuttering, awkward comment the hanyou would come up with on such a sensitive subject.
But Inuyasha wasn’t paying attention; he was staring off into space, a small, contented grin tugging at the corners of his lips. He was repeating Kagome’s words to that self-righteous prick Kouga over and over in his head. “I am NOT your woman and I’m DEFINITELY not going to be your mate!” Keh, about time she put that fleabag in his place! Too bad he’s too stupid to get the message.
“Inuyasha?” Kagome tried, drawing him from his daze.
“Alright, enough time wasted. Let’s go,” he ordered, effectively covering his embarrassment. The others were content to let the uncomfortable subject drop, and no more was said on the matter.
To his surprise, Kagome sped past him and proceeded to walk ahead for the next several minutes. It baffled him, and he as he tried to figure out the reason behind her actions, he took a deep breath and noticed that they had just about left the foul stench of wolf behind them. At that moment, Kagome began drifting back until she resumed her customary position among the humans. Now he was truly mystified, and he knew he would find no peace until he got to the bottom of it. Then, as he reconsidered what had transpired in the past few minutes, a thought struck him. A positively delightful thought, one that caused his visage to twist in a smile so evil it would have put Naraku himself to shame. But he had to be sure, and to that end he stopped directly in front of Kagome, staring at her when she came to a halt before him. He searched her eyes, scanning for anything to confirm his theory. Finally, she cracked, lowering her head and averting her gaze. Inuyasha nearly whooped in victory.
“I knew it! You hate that mongrel’s scent too!”
“I do not!” Kagome yelled, though her voice lacked its usual conviction.
“Do too!”
“Do not!”
“Come on, Kagome! I can tell you’re lying. It’s as clear as day!”
Frowning, Kagome finally gave up the charade. “I don’t hate his scent. I just don’t like it.”
At this, Inuyasha could contain his glee and amusement no longer, as he cackled merrily while adopting a big, shit-eating grin. The other members of the Inu-gang backed off a step, finding the hanyou’s bubbly behavior decidedly creepy.
“Oh, I can’t wait to rub his nose in it!”
“Inuyasha! If you ever tell Kouga-kun, I swear…I don’t know how many times I’ll say ‘the word,’ but I promise it will be a new record!”
But even that threat could not dampen Inuyasha’s good mood, though it did cause him to reconsider his plan of exposing Kagome’s secret to the wolf. Though it might be worth the pain just to see the look on his face.
“Dammit!” Kouga swore as he sped away from his woman. A riot of emotion flowed through him, hopelessly jumbling his feelings. Ever since he had first fallen for Kagome, there had been a plan, one that was supposed to go off without a hitch. He had been completely honest when he had declared his love for her the day of the battle with the Birds of Paradise. Never had he met a woman more worthy of his hand. But because she was human, he vowed then and there to be patient with her. She wouldn’t understand youkai customs, that his claim on her was binding, and that he was seriously defying convention by allowing her to remain in the company of that half-breed mutt. But for whatever reason, she wanted to stay with her friends, and he respected that.
He scoffed. Any youkai bitch would be glad to have me, so why is the one woman I want not interested?! (2) Kagome’s harsh words came back to him, ricocheting around in his mind and shooting straight through his heart. His carefully laid plans creaked and buckled, threatening to crash down around him. He shuddered at the thought of what Kagome had become. Having hanyou children was one thing, but mating one was another entirely. Hanyou were tainted, impure, proof that two beings had blatantly broken the laws of nature. They were to be hated, ostracized, even killed, and the world would be better off without them. Most were weak to begin with; how Inuyasha had managed to survive as long as he had was a mystery. Probably because of that sword of his.
It was not lost on Kouga that he was planning to shatter those very laws of nature by mating with Kagome. He would love her, cherish her until the end of her days. He would remain faithful to her even as she became old and weary, but when her mortal lifespan was finally used up, he would move on. He would give her children to make her happy, and they would know no harm while he was alive, but he would never truly consider them his heirs. For that, a proper youkai mate was necessary. But he had hundreds, perhaps even thousands of years to find one of those, and he wanted to enjoy a mortal lifespan with the first woman he had ever fallen for.
Unfortunately, fate had continually interfered with his plans. It started with Inuyasha, and Kagome’s incomprehensive attachment, even affection for the ingrate. He had no idea why she even bothered to care for the bastard, especially considering how he treated her. He offered her protection, but the price for it was insults, sadness, and tears. He didn’t shower her with words of affection as she deserved, though perhaps that was because Inu-kurro was still hung up on another woman! And yet, Kagome had made it perfectly clear that she cared deeply for the jackass, perhaps even loved him. She certainly seemed to prefer the mutt’s company over his own.
But Kouga wouldn’t—couldn’t give up. He loved her far too much for that. Kagome would change back into the human form he adored so much, and then he would slay Naraku, proving once and for all that he was the only man deserving of her hand. And she would come to him willingly. This he had to believe, despite the way she and Inu-kurro seemed to be drifting closer every time he saw them, or how his logical mind told him she was already lost. To believe otherwise, to throw away his faith in himself, would be to admit defeat. And that was something he would never do, especially to a worthless half-breed.
Inuyasha’s pleasant mood slowly dissipated as the day wore on. It wasn’t that he began feeling bad for the wolf; that certainly was not the case. But how was he supposed to be happy when Kagome obviously wasn’t? He had a fairly good idea what was bothering her, and it pissed him off to no end. I always knew he was an asshole, but this is bad even for a bastard like him! He didn’t know what stirred his ire more: Kouga’s harsh reaction or the fact that it affected Kagome so much.
Dinner was a quiet affair, as everyone in the group sensed that their miko companion wasn’t in a mood for conversation. Finally, just as the tired members of the Inu-gang were settling down for the night, Inuyasha snapped. The scent of her melancholy had been bad enough, but ultimately, what pushed him over the edge was the soft, despondent sigh she heaved as she slipped into her sleeping bag. Grabbing Shippou by the tail, he tossed the runt across the campsite, ignoring his high-pitched protests. Then he snatched up Kagome, still encased in the sleeping roll, and darted into the forest. She didn’t protest his actions, and her silence only fueled his anger. Reaching a suitable distance away from camp, he set her down against a tree, the gentleness of his movements belying the turmoil raging inside him. He began pacing back and forth, trying to come up with something to say. Kagome merely sat watching him, her eyes dulled by dejection.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, wench!” was what he finally settled on, though her cringe and the way her ears lowered suggested that perhaps that hadn’t been the wisest choice of words. Taking a deep breath, he plopped himself on the ground, sitting cross-legged a few feet in front of her.
“Look, Kagome,” he continued, his tone much softer this time, “I have no fucking idea why, but you seem to value that fleabag wolf’s opinion of you. But I can’t believe you let him get to you this much! If he can’t accept you for who—what you are, then he’s not worth your fucking time or your friendship!”
That got a reaction out of her, though he still saw the hurt in her eyes. Today, this innocent young woman had experienced her first taste of real rejection, and it had inflicted deep wounds. Days ago, her grandfather had immediately apologized for his outburst, and Kagome could have faith that he meant it when he said he would always accept her. Kouga had given no such assurances, nor earned any faith on her part. And it got worse; Kouga hadn’t insulted her, called her filthy names, or tried to kill her. But those things could happen in the future, and Inuyasha once again reaffirmed his promise to return Kagome to her human form. This goal was really the only thing he and Kouga agreed on, but he wasn’t like that bastard. Whereas Kouga wanted Kagome to transform back for his own selfish reasons, for Inuyasha it truly was about what was best for her.
“Did you see how he looked at me, Inuyasha? Like he couldn’t stand to look at me?!”
“You think I haven’t seen that look a thousand times?! You know what I say about the people who look at me that way? Fuck ‘em. Just fuck ‘em. You find people who accept you for who you are, and you care about what they think. The rest of the world can go to hell.” By the time he finished, Inuyasha was no longer gazing at her. Instead, he was staring at the ground, lost in memory, and Kagome finally understood why he dragged her out here tonight. Oh, Kami, the way I’ve been acting…Inuyasha must think that Kouga’s opinion is the only one that matters to me! It hurt so bad, but Inuyasha’s right. I can’t let Kouga get me down, not when my friends and family still accept me. Choking back a sob, Kagome launched herself out of the sleeping bag, enfolding the surprised hanyou in a warm embrace.
“I’m sorry, Inuyasha. You’re right; I shouldn’t have let Kouga-kun get to me. I didn’t mean to belittle you, or make you think—”
“Alright already, wench! Quit your blubbering,” he ordered, gently pushing her away. “Just promise me you won’t keep moping around. You’ll slow us down,” he added reflexively, but Kagome just smiled at the lame attempt to cover his concern.
“Ok, Inuyasha. I’ll be fine, as long as you accept me…” she trailed off, her unspoken question hanging in the air.
“Feh! You don’t even need to ask.”
Then she flashed him that smile, that dazzling look, the one she only showed when he’d done something to make her deliriously happy. The one that turned his legs to jelly and his insides to mush. Unwilling to let her see how glad he was to see her smile, he leapt to his feet and turned his back on her.
“N-now get back to bed! You’ll be no good to us in the morning if you don’t sleep.”
Kagome merely chuckled at his retreating form as she bent to retrieve her sleeping bag, reading his embarrassed escape for what it was. Inuyasha still wasn’t comfortable with revealing his softer side, but that side of him seemed to be coming out more and more regardless. There was an extra bounce in Kagome’s step as she returned to camp. Though Inuyasha and her friends wanted her to revert to human form, she knew they accepted her as she was. Their attitude toward her hadn’t changed. These were the people she would place her faith and trust in, and no one else’s opinion mattered.
A lone figure moved leisurely through the trees, silhouetted by the glow of her eerie servants slithering overhead. Her face was stoic, a finely-tuned mask of indifference, but confusion and unrest wracked the inner workings of her mind. How long had it been since everything she thought she knew had been thrown to the fire?
Her childhood, her years of training, her time as a practicing miko…all these had impressed upon her one central truth about the world: that youkai were impure, and miko were pure. The powers of the miko were inexorably opposed to youki, so that one must inevitably triumph over the other. To that end, youkai should be purified at every opportunity, a mission Kikyou fulfilled faithfully until that day. The day she met Inuyasha. His humanity had saved him, stilled her arrow, even allowed them to become companions. But his youkai side haunted her as her professional convictions would not allow her to look past his taint. As they became closer, her miko powers became increasingly dormant, and she began to feel the weight of helplessness upon her shoulders. If this hanyou should seek to betray her now, would she be able to defend herself and the Shikon no Tama? Eventually, the jewel itself provided her with a solution, one which would benefit all parties. But it was not to be; betrayal did indeed strike, whether it was from Inuyasha or a thief named Onigumo, whose wickedness she had greatly underestimated.
Kikyou had known all these things as surely as she knew that Inuyasha owed her his life. But when Kagome located the hidden jewel shards, fired an incredibly powerful arrow in spite of the youkai blood running through her body, everything came crashing down upon her head. For days afterward she had wandered, trying to convince herself that it was a trick, but no plausible explanation presented itself. Finally, she had realized the truth, that Kagome truly was a hanyou miko, the first in the history of the world. And with that realization came the superfluity of questions which had been plaguing her thoughts ever since. The first was, quite simply, how was this possible? To this day she had no answer, though Inuyasha’s explanation seemed reasonable. But if that was the case, and the purity of a person’s heart determined her overall purity, then what did that say about her own heart? Was it not pure to devote one’s life to slaying youkai? Was it not pure to look past the tainted half of another, and hope for a future with him should he rid himself of it?
At one time in her life—both her lives—she considered herself at the highest pinnacle of purity. But now, evidence to the contrary had begun to stack convincingly against her. And most of it stemmed from a comparison between herself and her reincarnation. She started to lose her powers by merely associating with Inuyasha, while Kagome, who had probably gotten closer to the hanyou than she ever had, showed no sign of weakening. Even while harboring youkai blood within her body, the younger miko had managed an impressive display of miko abilities. So why had she, Kikyou, lost her powers? Was it Inuyasha’s fault, as she had always assumed, or was it something else, something wrong with her?
It had taken many days for the answer to truly sink in, and it nearly brought her to her knees when it did. In her brief time with Inuyasha, she had never fully accepted him. She had always regarded his youkai side as a danger, a defect that needed to be removed. She had never trusted him, accepted him for what he was, as Kagome did. That was why she lost her powers; because she judged him by his blood, not by his actions and the content of his heart. That was true purity, to look past all physical manifestations and only see a person’s soul. She had always criticized Kagome for her lack of training, but in this, that very amateurism helped her reach a level of purity that Kikyou herself could never hope to achieve. For she knew she could never completely banish her rigid training, her inflexible beliefs about right and wrong, miko and youkai. But she was at least coming to terms with her fallacies, the tragic mistakes of the past, as her wounded soul slowly healed. Day by day, a warm sensation of peace wrapped itself more snugly around her. And so she continued her aimless wandering, longing for the day when her soul would perhaps finally find the complete peace it desired.
(1) Yes, the old mating cliché will appear in this story. I don’t mind it at all as long as it’s reasonable. But it will be toned down from what you see in some fanfictions, taking out some of the cliché elements. More explained in later chapters.
(2) There’s no Ayame in the manga, and I’m not including her in this story. I once read that she was just an attempt to give Kouga a happy ending, because clearly he wasn’t going to end up with Kagome. I don’t hate Kouga, but I’m not particularly interested in giving him a happy ending (and definitely not that other kind of happy ending). So sorry for all you Ayame fans, but she doesn’t exist.
A/N – I know some of you are waiting for angst, and you will get some, though I think you may be disappointed if you’re looking for a lot. But who knows? I may surprise myself with a couple really dark chapters. At this point, a lot of plot is still up in the air. And if I don’t end up putting enough angst, I’ll remove the label and apologize profusely for misleading you all. Stupid author’s notes…sometimes I get the verbal diarrhea and say too much. Like right now!
2010 Note – No apologies necessary! This story does get some major angst later on. “A couple really dark chapters” may be understating things. Also, does anyone else think Inuyasha and Kagome blush too much? I’m working on it, I really am. There are just so many potentially embarrassing moments in these early chapters.
Converting /tmp/phpd5J8l3 to /dev/stdout