InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Metamorphosis ❯ A Fresh Start ( Chapter 23 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: King Baka 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Suspense / Romance / Hentai / Adventure | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.31.2009 | Updated On: 01.12.2011 | Pages: 3 | Words: 7.9K | Visits: 3.9K | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Suspense / Romance / Hentai / Adventure | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.31.2009 | Updated On: 01.12.2011 | Pages: 3 | Words: 7.9K | Visits: 3.9K | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha or any of the publicly known characters, plot, etc. I’m just renting them from Rumiko Takahashi, Viz, etc. I do own the plot of this story and any original characters I’ve created. I will make no money from this fic; I write for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of my readers.
Little Red: Hopefully I’ll change your mind with this chapter.
Lunabell: You just gave me a great idea for when Kouga does show up. Thanks!
SplendentGoddess: Nah, I think I’ve had just about enough of Kagome eavesdropping on Inuyasha and Kikyou. I almost had Inuyasha throw the bag toward the fire, but decided against it. I think the first part of this chapter will help explain why.
sango_gurlie: I have seen that picture before, and it’s a pretty accurate depiction of how I imagine Kagome would look, although I didn’t change her eyes to amber like the picture does.
For the rest of you, the link to the picture is here: http://img.mypicgallery.com/silvsanime/kagomeninu_large.jpg
A Fresh Start
Inuyasha stomped into the night, his movements stiff with rage. What the fuck is wrong with those guys?! After all I’ve done for them, how can they so easily assume I’m such an incredible bastard that I’d ditch Kagome in her time and spend three days with Kikyou? I’m not that much of a prick! And Kagome… Her rejection hurt the most, especially after his recent revelation. He had looked to her last, hoping to see some skepticism in her eyes, some sign that she was about to intercede on his behalf. But her expression contained nothing but hardness, and he hadn’t been able to stand it. He fled out of necessity, feeling as if the oppressive weight of the hostile stares from his so-called friends would crush him if he did not.
What really cut him to the core wasn’t the fact that they were pissed at him, or even that they doubted him. It was their complete lack of faith that gouged the greatest wound; they wouldn’t even entertain the possibility that his whereabouts over the past three days had been completely innocent. Again, the worst sting resulted from Kagome’s scorn. She had earned his trust when he swore he would never again give it to anyone, and she didn’t trust him. The sheer hypocrisy was mind-boggling. But the most disturbing part was not what she was doing, but who she was acting like. Kagome, the very women who had taught him what love was, and how to feel it, was behaving just like Kikyou had over fifty years ago. She didn’t trust him, and automatically assumed the worst of him without considering that there might have been another explanation. And the truly strange thing was that Kikyou, in their most recent encounter, had behaved more like Kagome than ever! Her kind heart shone through brightly as they shared their goodbye, and there had been no doubt in that moment that Kagome was her reincarnation. The sudden role reversal had nearly put Inuyasha at his wit’s end. It was downright bizarre, and very unsettling. He didn’t quite know what to think. The Kagome he had fallen in love with had vanished into thin air, and he almost didn’t know who was sitting in her body back at Kaede’s hut.
But that was too harsh. Even as he tried to stay angry, guilt began to gnaw at his consciousness. He hadn’t exactly given Kagome and the others a reason to trust him when it came to Kikyou. From almost letting the dead priestess take him to hell, to going to see her when he was gravely injured, to nearly losing Kagome to Naraku in pursuit of a rumor of Kikyou’s whereabouts. He grimaced; that last one was probably the absolute lowest point of his long life. He would never know how she had forgiven his reckless failure, but was eternally grateful for it. But apparently that forgiveness didn’t translate into faith, and he really couldn’t blame her for that. Maybe it was all his fault. Clenching his fists hard enough to draw blood, he realized for the first time that something was clasped in his right hand. Lifting it up, he observed the bag of clothing, almost rolling his eyes at his absentmindedness. He had forgotten all about Kagome’s gift in the storm of chaos and emotions that engulfed him at Kaede’s hut. He dropped the bag on the ground and continued on without looking back. What was the point of keeping it? No material gesture of kindness was going to patch the giant hollow in their relationship, or undo the damage his past foolishness had caused.
He snarled with conviction; there was more to it than that. They had wronged him, and he was the one feeling guilty? What the hell?! Maybe his past indiscretions with Kikyou had caused his friends to doubt him, and with ample justification, but he had given them no reason to suspect that he would abandon Kagome in her time like that. They should have had much more faith in him, dammit! Then again, it probably shouldn’t have surprised him that they did not. Mistrust was nothing new when it came to his rendezvous with Kikyou. It seemed like whenever he went to see her, he would at the very least get the cold shoulder in the morning. Other times it got worse. A prime example occurred soon after Kagome purified the miasma in Kikyou’s body. He had gone to meet her, and when he returned he was questioned about what happened between them. He told the truth, that they just talked, but no one believed him. Kagome even had the gall to order him to “tell us what really happened.”
And that hadn’t been the only time, not by a long shot. What do they think Kikyou and I do together? Make sweet love all night long? As if she would ever want to do that with a hanyou! And that wasn’t even considering his own revulsion at the idea, a feeling which had nothing to do with her cold clay body. Okay, maybe a little. But mostly it was because he no longer felt the drive to become close with Kikyou, and hadn’t for some time. He couldn’t even remember the last time they had kissed or shared an embrace before earlier that evening. And that’s all he had ever done with Kikyou, a few rare kisses with occasional hugs mixed in. No, his friends were completely wrong to suspect him of any impropriety when he met with Kikyou.
Fueled by righteous anger and indignation, Inuyasha continued to push through the underbrush until he broke out into a very familiar clearing. The bone-eater’s well sat innocently in the middle, taunting him with a reminder of how much he already missed the person connected to it. Why did his unconscious wandering take him here, of all places? Spending the night in Goshinboku was appealing, but he wanted to get away for awhile. He was not going to be found until he was damn good and ready! For once, the weather decided to cooperate with him, laying down a fine drizzle that would cover his scent. Plus, it suited his dreary mood perfectly. Not wanting to add wet clothing to his ‘why I’m miserable’ list, he broke into a sprint, reaching his destination after about ten minutes of running. It was a small cave, but a comfortable one. It had been a safe haven for him when he was a child; he had used it for a couple months before moving on. He had rediscovered it one day while patrolling the forest for youkai while Kagome was in her era. Growling to himself, he tried to push thoughts of her out of his mind, but knew it was futile. He would be up all night thinking about her. The rain intensified, relentless and unceasing.
She shook her head vigorously. No! That’s wrong. He DID betray me! The only sense she could really trust in this situation was her nose, and the evidence that organ revealed was more than conclusive. It was faint, but the smells of death and graveyard soil lingered near the entrance to the hut. It was Kikyou’s scent, and Inuyasha had brought it in. Was there any room for doubt while taking this into account? Aside from a meeting between the two of them, what other explanation could there possibly be? There was none; Inuyasha had met Kikyou, end of story. And despite his fury at their assumptions, he hadn’t expressly denied this one simple fact.
So why did she still feel unsure of herself, like there was something she was missing, something she hadn’t thought of, something she should have considered? It made her uneasy, and increasingly irritated. How was she supposed to think clearly with such doubts? How could she make the right decision about her future now? She had told Inuyasha to go to Kikyou, but could she really cut ties with him? And if she did, was she doing what she always promised herself never to do: forcing him to choose between her and Kikyou? Sniffling, she lowered her head in despair. He already made his choice, and just I don’t want to believe it. That’s why I’m doubting myself now, because I still love him. Dammit! This always happens; my emotions cloud my judgment, and I end up crawling back to him even though he’s the one running off to be with another woman. I can’t do this anymore! Tomorrow…I’ll tell him either he leaves…or I do.
Part of her mind rebelled at the idea, but she tamped it down with conviction. She was determined now, and nothing was going to stop her from ending more than a year of emotional torment. Her feelings had been stomped on enough over their time together, and it had to cease before she became nothing but a burned-out husk of a person, a woman incapable of love. She already feared that she would never love another in the same way. But that was a worry for another day. Inuyasha had betrayed her in the worst way, and it would not happen again. Still, as she tried to find slumber later that night, that infuriating something from before continued to gnaw at her, and no amount of self-reassurance could make it go away. She lay awake all night, listening to the quiet snores of her friends and the pitter-patter of rain on the roof of the hut.
In the morning, Kagome rose with the sun, tired of fruitless attempts to find unconsciousness. She was mentally exhausted; her brain had found no rest last night, nor had her mind reached a consensus about what Inuyasha had done. It pissed her off to no end that she could still have faith in him, that her heart still believed things were not as they appeared. Kami, I’m such a fool. She inhaled deeply, intending to release the air in a long, relaxing breath. Instead, she choked on it. Her nose flared as she sought out the two scents which had surprised her so. One was Inuyasha’s, and if his had been the only scent she would have simply marched in the other direction. But the other scent intrigued her; she recognized it as belonging to someone she had met before. Daichi? What’s he doing here? True to her feline nature, she was unable to resist her curiosity, as she tracked the bear’s scent to a small, brownish lump on the ground.
Reaching her hand out hesitantly, she gripped the fabric of the carrying bag, and peered inside. White fabric met her gaze, and an inquisitive touch revealed that the garment was dry; apparently the carrying bag was waterproof. Kneeling down in the moist grass, she carefully lifted the item out of the bag and unfolded it. It was a white kosode, pretty standard for this day and age. Yet there was something strange about it; it appeared more regal than the kosode a normal human might wear. A small surge of power rippled through her as she studied it, resonating with her youki. She sniffed the fabric deeply, frowning as a pressing question occurred to her. What was this bag of clothing doing in the middle of nowhere with only Daichi’s and Inuyasha’s scents on it? Hm, Daichi did say he made Inuyasha’s haori, so maybe he made these was well? That would at least explain why the bear’s scent was heavier. But then what the hell was Inuyasha doing with this bag of clothing? With the recent exception of modern clothing, she had never known him to wear anything except his traditional red outfit. As a matter of fact, the kosode looked several sizes too small for him. So then, if it wasn’t for him, who was it for? Was it a gift? Her already miserable mood soured even further as she pondered the obvious conclusion. Ugh, she already has his heart, and now he’s showering her with gifts too! Would someone please just put me out of my misery? But that didn’t make any sense. If these were for Kikyou, then why didn’t Inuyasha give them to her days ago? Why were they sitting out here at the edge of the forest, as if they had been carelessly dropped? A horrid, disturbing thought occurred to her, one which immediately caused her heart to clench and her stomach to churn. What if…they were for her?
Like a sacrificial lamb being led to the slaughter, Kagome went through the bag, picking out one piece of clothing at a time. The white hot light of truth began to shine into her mind, scalding wherever it touched. She felt like she was going to throw up. The yellow and blue ensemble in particular was convincing evidence; it very closely resembled a certain blouse and pair of jean-shorts she currently had stored in her bag. And hadn’t she been wearing that outfit that day at Daichi’s cave? Ultimately, however, it was the last item that drove the final nail into the coffin of her conceited self-righteousness. The soft silk of the bathing yukata seemed to burn her fingers, or maybe that was just self-reproach playing tricks on her. The bile rose in her throat as she gazed at the immaculate design on the back, the beautiful meadow, the sleeping cat lying next to the dozing dog… Such symbolism could only mean one thing.
Leaning dizzily to the side, Kagome heaved violently, her empty stomach rendering most of the wretches dry. Hurriedly and haphazardly she stuffed all the garments back in the bag, not feeling worthy to touch them. Oh, Kami…what have I done?! Inuyasha had come bearing wonderful gifts, and she had tossed him out into the rain. The yukata alone said more about his feelings than he had ever spoken aloud. Her lack of faith might well have damaged their friendship beyond repair. Why? Why had she been so unfaithful?! Why hadn’t she trusted Inuyasha?
She was pretty sure the recent sting of Inuyasha’s apparent rejection had something to do with it. She hadn’t yet forgiven him for that unbelievable agony, for making her think he wouldn’t accept her as a hanyou. The pain had not yet faded, and easily poisoned her mind and judgment. So why did that just sound like a convenient, lame excuse? Kagome sobbed as tears continued to pour down her cheeks. Great, now I’m trying to make this all Inuyasha’s fault. What the hell is wrong with me?! No matter how badly he hurt me, I shouldn’t have assumed something so horrible of him! It had to be her, some fault she was missing. Yesterday, when she found out where Inuyasha was, or where they’d assumed he was, she had been furious. She hadn’t been that upset with him since Naraku’s baby had nearly broken her while he was chasing after a rumor of Kikyou. Her eyes widened as a new realization struck hard.
That was it! She thought back to all the other times he had left her to see Kikyou, the times he made her feel like a cheap copy of the dead priestess, like she would always be second best. Oh, Kami, I…I never forgave him for any of those times! I thought I did, but deep down I’ve been holding those experiences against him the whole time! Only in the deepest, darkest corner of her psyche had she harbored such resentment, so it went unnoticed by the conscious part of her mind. But it was always lurking, searching for the perfect opportunity to rear its ugly head. It had certainly picked the worst possible time. No more! This has to change; I have to forgive him, REALLY forgive him. He’s changed. He’s not the same man he once was; I don’t even see him pining for Kikyou anymore. And we’ve grown so close. My heart was trying to tell me all along that he would never truly betray me, but I didn’t listen. Baka! I have to forgive him.
And she did. This time, however, she knew it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Logic and reason gave way to pure emotion. Before, she had tried to forgive him with her head, but this time she forgave him with her heart. This only made her feel a little better. There was still the daunting task of earning his forgiveness in return, whether or not she actually deserved it. And to do that, she needed to find him. Before standing, she removed all the clothes from the bag, and gently smoothed and folded each item before replacing it. She somehow felt more worthy to touch the fabric now, but only Inuyasha himself could ease her anxiety. Or he could shatter her heart as she had no doubt smashed his; it was entirely his choice. Upon rising to her feet and sniffing for his trail, however, Kagome ran into an age-old problem: smells don’t cling to nature as they do to fabric. The evening’s rain had washed away all but the faintest traces of Inuyasha’s scent, and what was left just wasn’t strong enough to follow with her feline nose.
She headed for Goshinboku and, upon not finding him there, made a full circuit around the village. When she arrived back at the sacred tree a couple hours later with no leads, she finally gave up. Inuyasha apparently did not want to be found. Kagome slumped bonelessly against the trunk, and took to staring off into space, contemplating how the past twelve hours had gone so terribly wrong. That is how Sango found her sometime later.
“Kagome-chan, there you are! Why don’t you come in for lunch? You haven’t eaten anything since yesterday.”
Kagome didn’t respond; she just drew her legs up to her chest, hiding her face behind her knees. She didn’t particularly feel like being seen right now, by anyone.
“Look, Kagome-chan, I know you’re sad, but you have to take care of yourself. We’re all really worried about you. Please come and eat.”
Again, no response. Sango’s anger began to rise. “Come on, Kagome-chan! You can’t mope around all day just because Inuyasha is a bastard! We—”
A vicious snarl cut her off, and the taijiya suddenly found herself pinned to the Goshinboku by clawed hands clutching her shoulders.
“He’s not!” Kagome yelled, hovering over her, a dangerous glint shining in her eyes. But there was something else as well, a powerful sense of remorse that made Sango’s blood run cold. The feeling only intensified on Kagome’s expression as the miko realized what she had done to one of her best friends. Sango would have some bruises on her shoulders and probably on her back from where she hit the tree. Kagome released her, seeming to withdraw into herself as she curled into a ball once more.
“Kagome-chan,” Sango breathed in relief, placing her hand on the miko’s shoulder. “What do you mean ‘he’s not?’”
Without raising her head, Kagome merely pointed to the bag sitting on the other side of her.
“Oh, Kami…shit,” Sango swore as she looked through the clothes, coming to the same conclusion Kagome had.
“H-he wasn’t with Kikyou for three days, Sango-chan,” Kagome choked, laying her head on its side so she could meet the taijiya’s gaze. “He was at Daichi-sama’s, getting me a gift.”
Both girls were silent for a long moment before Sango spoke up. “Don’t worry, Kagome-chan. He’ll come back, and he’ll forgive you—us. I’m sorry, Kagome-chan. It’s our fault you’re in this mess—”
“Shut up, Sango-chan.”
“But if we hadn’t told y—”
“I said shut up! It’s as much my fault as it is yours! I should have had more faith in him.”
“We all should have,” Sango agreed. The two girls sat together for most of the afternoon, sometimes talking and sometimes just reflecting in silence. Sango retired a few hours before dusk, after eliciting a promise from Kagome to join them for dinner unless Inuyasha came by. Alone, fatigue overtook Kagome fairly quickly, as she slipped into a restless slumber, plagued by dark dreams of Inuyasha in pain, being sealed to the Goshinboku by his closest friend. Except this time, she was the one with the bow in her hands.
~~~
His mother coughed again, gasping for air as another fit wracked her thin frame. He had seen her sick before, but never this badly. And there was something different this time, a scent he didn’t recognize clinging to her. Only later would he learn that this scent, which had inspired unexplained dread in him, was death.
“Inuyasha,” she rasped, startling him. It was the first time she had been cognizant of her surroundings in almost two days. He hadn’t left her side since she first fell ill, not even to eat.
“Mama?” he replied hopefully, wiping her brow with a cool cloth. She gazed serenely up at him, her eyes relaxed and tranquil. At that moment, she had known what his innocent mind refused to accept. It was her last opportunity to speak to her son, and she could not waste it.
“Inuyasha, my darling son,” she said, weakly caressing his cheek with her palm. He leaned into her touch, his eyes drifting closed as some of the anxiety that had gripped him bled away. “I love you.”
His eyes snapped open at her statement, a bone-chilling fear settling firmly in the pit of his stomach. It wasn’t what she had said; she told him she loved him quite often, in fact. But the manner in which she spoke was unusually serious. It was…final. Still he refused to believe what was happening, what his instincts were telling him. He wrapped himself around his mother, clutching himself to her tightly and burying his face in her shoulder. His mother’s low chuckle turned into another coughing fit, and the tears he had been holding back for two days finally sprang to his eyes. His mother was dying.
“Inuyasha,” she soothed, not voicing any complaint about the uncomfortable tightness of his hold. Instead, she leisurely stroked his hair and placed gentle kisses on the top of his head. When he relaxed slightly, she articulated the most difficult words that had ever passed her lips.
“Inuyasha, I have to go soon.”
He shook his head violently, squeezing her even tighter.
“I’m sorry, Inuyasha, but I have to.”
Again, he shook his head, but this time she at least got a muffled response. “Don’t go,” he pleaded in a voice that nearly broke her heart.
She sighed heavily, the action causing more hacking coughs to tear through her.
“Inuyasha, look at me,” she ordered softly but sternly. When her son obeyed, what was left of her heart shattered. He looked so lost and alone, his normally bright eyes hollow from sadness. She gently dried his tears, smiling lovingly at him, and was gratified when he managed a small smile in return. “My beautiful son, you have brought me so much joy. Know that no matter where you go, or what you do, I will always love you.”
“I love you too, Mama.” Again he pressed himself into her, trying to be as close as possible before she was gone forever. Gone forever…that was a truly frightening thought. “But Mama, what will I do? How can I live without you?”
“You will find your way, Inuyasha,” she assured confidently. “You are so much like your father. You are strong enough to make your way in this world and compassionate enough to find love. Life will be difficult for you, but I have faith that you will one day have a family of your own. Just remember something your father told me. He said ‘there will be times in every man’s life when he must do or say the right thing, or lose the ones he loves.’ Follow your heart, my son, and I know you will make us proud.”
With those final words of wisdom, his mother slipped back into unconsciousness.
~~~
She passed away in her sleep a few hours later. Inuyasha dried the few rogue tears that had surfaced; it was amazing how thinking of his mother could still make him cry, though he suspected it always would. She had been his whole world. There will be times in every man’s life when he must do or say the right thing, or lose the ones he loves. Heh, you were right, Okaa-san…I finally found love again. And he would not abandon it over some accusations and mistrust. He would go back and try to explain things, and forgive Kagome even if she did not apologize. Fleetingly he wondered when he had become so selfless. Kagome’s influence, no doubt. She had healed him, caused him to better himself in so many ways, and he would be forever grateful.
He stood and headed off toward the village, traveling at a leisurely pace. Just because he had decided to go back didn’t mean he was particularly anxious to see his friends again. The sun was barely hovering over the horizon by the time he arrived. He picked up Kagome’s scent on the breeze and tracked it to Goshinboku. After hesitating for a few minutes, he eventually gathered his courage and strode into the clearing. He was surprised to find her asleep, slumped against the ancient tree. He sat back on his haunches, spellbound by her tranquil beauty. But she appeared to be having nightmares; her eyes worked furiously behind her lids and periodically she would shift and mumble in her sleep. Several times he thought he heard his name, and after a particularly bad start rocked her he decided it was time to rouse her from her slumber. Hi
“Kagome.”
Her eyes fluttered open in response, and she gasped as she saw him, bolting upright. “Inu-Inuyasha!” she gaped. Kagome was ecstatic to see him, but his guarded expression stopped her from enfolding him in a huge hug like she wanted. She could normally read him so well, but now she couldn’t tell if he was angry, sad, remorseful, or anything else. Perhaps he was feeling a combination of all those things. But she knew what her dominant emotions were at the moment: shame and remorse. Inuyasha had returned to her, and it was time to swallow her pride and act on those feelings.
“Inuyasha,” she repeated, lowering her eyes and fidgeting with her hands folded nervously in her lap. “I’m so sorry. It was wrong of me make those assumptions. I should have had more faith in you.”
“Yeah, you should have,” he replied harshly. Kagome’s eyes closed, tears springing forth as she bit her lower lip to keep from sobbing. Could she really blame him for not forgiving her? After all, holding grudges was part of the reason she was in this predicament in the first place. She had just about lost the physical battle with her despair when Inuyasha spoke again.
“But I’ll forgive you anyway.”
Her head snapped up, and he grinned slightly at her astonished expression.
“Wh-why?” she choked out.
He shrugged. “I realized that it’s partly my fault you guys thought I ran off to see Kikyou. Besides, you’ve always forgiven me for all the stupid shit I’ve done in the past, and I’d be some kind of heartless bastard to hold this against you.” To Inuyasha’s surprise, instead of brightening Kagome’s attitude and bringing a hesitant smile to her face, his words seemed to make her feel worse.
“I haven’t,” she confessed bitterly.
“Huh?” he asked, genuinely confused. “You haven’t what?”
“Forgiven you. This afternoon I realized that I never forgave you for some of the things you did, like leaving me to see Kikyou. Deep down I think I always resented you a little for those times. And with what happened the other day…I guess it all caught up with me at once, you know? But now, I really have forgiven you, for everything. I promise not to hold anything in our past against you, either.”
Inuyasha nodded as he digested her declaration. He settled down next to her, looping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her gently against him. She relaxed immediately, and much of the tension in the air vanished.
“I did see her, you know,” Inuyasha declared softly. Kagome grimaced at his admission, but said nothing. “It was last night, on the way back. We talked for a little while, then went our separate ways.”
“That’s fine. I can’t stop you from seeing Kikyou, and even if I could, it wouldn’t be right. You two have a history together, and I can’t change that. So I don’t mind if you see her. Just don’t hide it from me, okay?”
Now it was Inuyasha’s turn to grimace as the recalled all the times he had tried to do just that. Somehow it never seemed to work.
“Sounds like we need a fresh start, wench.”
Finally, Kagome smiled, turning to grin hopefully up at him. “That sounds great,” she said simply, but it was enough.
A silent agreement passed between them in that moment. There would be no more assumptions or misunderstandings; they would talk to each other, communicate about their problems. Unknowingly, they both shared basically the same thought. If we hadn’t been such bakas, we might have made this promise long ago. It would have saved us a lot of trouble…and heartache. But they couldn’t change what happened in the past, and it would do no good to dwell on it. That’s what this fresh start was all about. They lounged together under Goshinboku for a long time, and neither spoke until well after darkness had fallen over the land. They took pleasure in the feel of the other pressed so close and the intermingling of their scents as they watched the beauty of nature’s sunset together.
“So, Inuyasha,” Kagome said at long last, “where did you spend these past three days?”
Something in her tone made Inuyasha suspicious; it was as if she already knew the answer. Frowning, he took in his surroundings for the first time since returning, and immediately spotted the carrying bag on the ground on Kagome’s other side. His heart lodged in his throat in sudden nervousness, and he spared a glance at Kagome only to see her beaming brilliantly at him.
“Keh!” he spat out, looking away with a fierce blush on his cheeks. She was giving him that look, the one that could turn his insides to jelly in under a second, the one that made him feel like the luckiest hanyou on earth just for being in her presence. And if Kagome wasn’t sure the garments were intended for her before, she was now. That was the only thing his reaction could have meant.
“Thank you, but why did you get them for me?”
“You asked me to train you, so I figured you needed some tough clothing. They’re like my haori; they’ll bind to your youkai and fix themselves. D-do you want them?” he asked worriedly.
“Of course! They’re beautiful, and I love them! Especially the yukata.”
He grunted a response. “You weren’t supposed to see that one yet, wench.”
“Well, when were you going to give it to me?”
“I dunno! Maybe when you stopped being an annoying bitch!”
Kagome elbowed him in the side, but didn’t follow her first inclination and ‘osuwari’ him. She read his outburst for what it was: a nervous man lashing out in embarrassment-induced mock anger.
“Baka! You don’t have to be such a jerk about it.”
“Sorry.”
Slightly startled, Kagome turned to study him. He looked genuinely remorseful for his insults.
“You know, you’re apologizing a lot quicker now. Getting you to say you were sorry used to be like pulling teeth.”
“Maybe I’ve just gotten better at faking it,” he defended.
“Nope. I can tell you’re sincere.”
“Feh.” The worst part about what Kagome said was that it was completely true. Damn, I’m going soft. It’s all the wench’s fault! Evidently, Kagome guessed what he was thinking, because she decided to tease him a little.
“Aw, the big tough Inuyasha is becoming a nice guy! You’re a regular gentleman!” she joked, smirking.
“I am NOT nice, wench, and I sure as hell ain’t no fucking gentleman!”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. You still swear ‘like a drunken sailor,’ as Mama would put it.”
“Keh. No measly human can out-cuss me, wench.”
Kagome chuckled, and the laughter proved infectious, as Inuyasha joined in with a small snicker. And that’s when they both knew for sure that they would be okay. They really had embarked on a new beginning, inaugurated by a few minutes of playful bantering. When the mirth subsided, Kagome remembered something she had wanted to ask since that morning.
“So…can I try them on?”
“Go for it,” was his nonchalant reply, but his eyes betrayed him. He was very interested in seeing how she looked in the clothes he had brought her, and that was an entirely too pleasant observation. The butterflies in her stomach were working overdrive as she went into the woods to change. She modeled each in outfit in turn, sensing the now familiar scent of Inuyasha’s attraction in the air. And as she held the yukata in her hands, debating with herself whether to try it on as well, it was that scent which ultimately led to her decision. Inuyasha’s jaw dropped into his lap as she emerged from the trees. The last thing he’d been expecting was for her to come out wearing nothing but the bathing yukata. The exceedingly short bathing yukata.
The scent of his attraction increased exponentially, inflating Kagome’s ego just a little bit. Encouraged, she spun around halfway, moving her hair to expose the intricate design on her back. She glanced over her shoulder, flashing a somewhat sultry smirk. Inuyasha gulped, shifting uncomfortably as certain parts of his anatomy came to life. Thank Kami for baggy hakama. Fortunately, Kagome was not especially fond of flirting, and quickly lost her nerve. Inuyasha breathed a sigh of relief as she scurried back into the underbrush, hopefully to put on something a little less revealing. Not that little Inuyasha minded seeing her in just the yukata. When she did reemerge, she was wearing the all-red set of short clothing Daichi had designed for her.
“Why are you wearing that, wench?” Inuyasha asked curiously.
She shrugged. “I just felt like it,” she replied, settling into her previous place against his side. “How did everything look on me?” she inquired, grinning as Inuyasha flushed again. Because of her hanyou nose, that question was little more than a formality, but she still wanted to hear his answer.
“Uh…g-good,” he stuttered, his speech impeded by the sheer dryness of his mouth.
“Just good?”
“Really good,” he reluctantly admitted.
“Thanks,” Kagome replied, leaning up to place a kiss on his cheek. “For everything.”
In that moment, Inuyasha was reminded of his revelation, and seriously considered telling Kagome how he felt right then and there. But the pain was still too fresh, open sores not quite healed, so he put it off for another day. There would be other opportunities.
“K-keh!”
Fortunately, Inuyasha was saved from saying anything further on the matter by Kagome’s cavernous yawn. “Go back to the hut, wench. You need to be well-rested if we’re gonna start training tomorrow.”
She shook her head. “I’d rather sleep in Goshinboku with you. Do you mind?” she asked shyly.
Inuyasha’s heart thundered rapidly as the possible implications of her statement set in. He was sure she meant nothing hentai by it, but even just cuddling up together for the night was a monumentous step he wasn’t sure he was ready for.
“Do what you want,” he replied before leaping up into one of the higher branches, leaving Kagome to stare longingly up at him. She sighed; his actions made perfectly clear what he thought of her idea. Still, it would be nice to be close to him. It had been far too many nights since she had slumbered in his soothing presence. But sleep eluded her; she was unable to find a comfortable position on her chosen branch. The hard bark poked into her back and buttocks, and she wondered not for the first time how the hell Inuyasha did it.
Currently, said hanyou was sitting above her, mentally berating himself. You moron! You love her, so what’s the problem with letting her sleep in your arms? All you did by rejecting her was hurt her feelings. Baka! Growling to himself, he listened to Kagome toss and turn for a few more minutes before making up his mind. Silently he dropped down onto Kagome’s branch, startling the miko with the sudden weight on her platform. Wordlessly he drew her away from the trunk and placed himself behind her, then pulled her back to lie against his chest. She quickly got the idea, and turned on her side to snuggle more fully into his embrace. Neither could help the twin smiles and blushes as their heartbeats slowed and they drifted off to neverland.
2011 Note – I thought I was going to make major changes to this chapter, but in the end I only toned down Inuyasha’s indignation somewhat. He does not contemplate leaving his friends as he did before; that was a little much. But I don’t agree with the reviewers who told me that the rest of this interaction is unreasonable. I think it’s easy to underestimate how meaningful his friends’ lack of faith in him was to Inuyasha. Let’s face it; they collectively are his world. Their opinions matter a lot to him, even if he won’t admit it. This is why I made such a big deal of the others’ transgression here. I believe this situation is now treated more or less equally to the one a few chapters ago (where Inuyasha told Kagome he wouldn’t accept her). That I favored Inuyasha in the original version of these two chapters is a criticism I agree with. Slightly favored, that is.
I guess I got tired of everything always being Inuyasha’s fault in fanfiction, and to a lesser extent, the series itself. As a male, I naturally identify more with male characters. That’s not a bad thing, but I think I took it a little too far in the original version of this story. Hopefully now things are more even.
Converting /tmp/phpaQgw3H to /dev/stdout
Little Red: Hopefully I’ll change your mind with this chapter.
Lunabell: You just gave me a great idea for when Kouga does show up. Thanks!
SplendentGoddess: Nah, I think I’ve had just about enough of Kagome eavesdropping on Inuyasha and Kikyou. I almost had Inuyasha throw the bag toward the fire, but decided against it. I think the first part of this chapter will help explain why.
sango_gurlie: I have seen that picture before, and it’s a pretty accurate depiction of how I imagine Kagome would look, although I didn’t change her eyes to amber like the picture does.
For the rest of you, the link to the picture is here: http://img.mypicgallery.com/silvsanime/kagomeninu_large.jpg
A Fresh Start
Inuyasha stomped into the night, his movements stiff with rage. What the fuck is wrong with those guys?! After all I’ve done for them, how can they so easily assume I’m such an incredible bastard that I’d ditch Kagome in her time and spend three days with Kikyou? I’m not that much of a prick! And Kagome… Her rejection hurt the most, especially after his recent revelation. He had looked to her last, hoping to see some skepticism in her eyes, some sign that she was about to intercede on his behalf. But her expression contained nothing but hardness, and he hadn’t been able to stand it. He fled out of necessity, feeling as if the oppressive weight of the hostile stares from his so-called friends would crush him if he did not.
What really cut him to the core wasn’t the fact that they were pissed at him, or even that they doubted him. It was their complete lack of faith that gouged the greatest wound; they wouldn’t even entertain the possibility that his whereabouts over the past three days had been completely innocent. Again, the worst sting resulted from Kagome’s scorn. She had earned his trust when he swore he would never again give it to anyone, and she didn’t trust him. The sheer hypocrisy was mind-boggling. But the most disturbing part was not what she was doing, but who she was acting like. Kagome, the very women who had taught him what love was, and how to feel it, was behaving just like Kikyou had over fifty years ago. She didn’t trust him, and automatically assumed the worst of him without considering that there might have been another explanation. And the truly strange thing was that Kikyou, in their most recent encounter, had behaved more like Kagome than ever! Her kind heart shone through brightly as they shared their goodbye, and there had been no doubt in that moment that Kagome was her reincarnation. The sudden role reversal had nearly put Inuyasha at his wit’s end. It was downright bizarre, and very unsettling. He didn’t quite know what to think. The Kagome he had fallen in love with had vanished into thin air, and he almost didn’t know who was sitting in her body back at Kaede’s hut.
But that was too harsh. Even as he tried to stay angry, guilt began to gnaw at his consciousness. He hadn’t exactly given Kagome and the others a reason to trust him when it came to Kikyou. From almost letting the dead priestess take him to hell, to going to see her when he was gravely injured, to nearly losing Kagome to Naraku in pursuit of a rumor of Kikyou’s whereabouts. He grimaced; that last one was probably the absolute lowest point of his long life. He would never know how she had forgiven his reckless failure, but was eternally grateful for it. But apparently that forgiveness didn’t translate into faith, and he really couldn’t blame her for that. Maybe it was all his fault. Clenching his fists hard enough to draw blood, he realized for the first time that something was clasped in his right hand. Lifting it up, he observed the bag of clothing, almost rolling his eyes at his absentmindedness. He had forgotten all about Kagome’s gift in the storm of chaos and emotions that engulfed him at Kaede’s hut. He dropped the bag on the ground and continued on without looking back. What was the point of keeping it? No material gesture of kindness was going to patch the giant hollow in their relationship, or undo the damage his past foolishness had caused.
He snarled with conviction; there was more to it than that. They had wronged him, and he was the one feeling guilty? What the hell?! Maybe his past indiscretions with Kikyou had caused his friends to doubt him, and with ample justification, but he had given them no reason to suspect that he would abandon Kagome in her time like that. They should have had much more faith in him, dammit! Then again, it probably shouldn’t have surprised him that they did not. Mistrust was nothing new when it came to his rendezvous with Kikyou. It seemed like whenever he went to see her, he would at the very least get the cold shoulder in the morning. Other times it got worse. A prime example occurred soon after Kagome purified the miasma in Kikyou’s body. He had gone to meet her, and when he returned he was questioned about what happened between them. He told the truth, that they just talked, but no one believed him. Kagome even had the gall to order him to “tell us what really happened.”
And that hadn’t been the only time, not by a long shot. What do they think Kikyou and I do together? Make sweet love all night long? As if she would ever want to do that with a hanyou! And that wasn’t even considering his own revulsion at the idea, a feeling which had nothing to do with her cold clay body. Okay, maybe a little. But mostly it was because he no longer felt the drive to become close with Kikyou, and hadn’t for some time. He couldn’t even remember the last time they had kissed or shared an embrace before earlier that evening. And that’s all he had ever done with Kikyou, a few rare kisses with occasional hugs mixed in. No, his friends were completely wrong to suspect him of any impropriety when he met with Kikyou.
Fueled by righteous anger and indignation, Inuyasha continued to push through the underbrush until he broke out into a very familiar clearing. The bone-eater’s well sat innocently in the middle, taunting him with a reminder of how much he already missed the person connected to it. Why did his unconscious wandering take him here, of all places? Spending the night in Goshinboku was appealing, but he wanted to get away for awhile. He was not going to be found until he was damn good and ready! For once, the weather decided to cooperate with him, laying down a fine drizzle that would cover his scent. Plus, it suited his dreary mood perfectly. Not wanting to add wet clothing to his ‘why I’m miserable’ list, he broke into a sprint, reaching his destination after about ten minutes of running. It was a small cave, but a comfortable one. It had been a safe haven for him when he was a child; he had used it for a couple months before moving on. He had rediscovered it one day while patrolling the forest for youkai while Kagome was in her era. Growling to himself, he tried to push thoughts of her out of his mind, but knew it was futile. He would be up all night thinking about her. The rain intensified, relentless and unceasing.
* * *
Kagome sat stock still in Kaede’s hut, staring at the door flap, still undulating from Inuyasha’s departure. Her calm exterior belied great inner turmoil; logic and reason, feeling and emotion warred within her, swirling together in a convoluted jumble that she was hard pressed to make any sense of. Not ten minutes ago she had been so sure Inuyasha had betrayed her, but now… If that was true, then his words made no sense. “So is that what you people think? That I fucking ditched Kagome on the other side of the well so I could see Kikyou? Is that what you’re telling me?!” Kagome frowned; that was something only an innocent person would say, right? And he sounded innocent. She suddenly wished she had been able to look into his eyes, because then she would have seen the truth. But she had been too afraid, petrified that peering into those golden orbs would only confirm her worst fears. Perhaps she had been too hasty.She shook her head vigorously. No! That’s wrong. He DID betray me! The only sense she could really trust in this situation was her nose, and the evidence that organ revealed was more than conclusive. It was faint, but the smells of death and graveyard soil lingered near the entrance to the hut. It was Kikyou’s scent, and Inuyasha had brought it in. Was there any room for doubt while taking this into account? Aside from a meeting between the two of them, what other explanation could there possibly be? There was none; Inuyasha had met Kikyou, end of story. And despite his fury at their assumptions, he hadn’t expressly denied this one simple fact.
So why did she still feel unsure of herself, like there was something she was missing, something she hadn’t thought of, something she should have considered? It made her uneasy, and increasingly irritated. How was she supposed to think clearly with such doubts? How could she make the right decision about her future now? She had told Inuyasha to go to Kikyou, but could she really cut ties with him? And if she did, was she doing what she always promised herself never to do: forcing him to choose between her and Kikyou? Sniffling, she lowered her head in despair. He already made his choice, and just I don’t want to believe it. That’s why I’m doubting myself now, because I still love him. Dammit! This always happens; my emotions cloud my judgment, and I end up crawling back to him even though he’s the one running off to be with another woman. I can’t do this anymore! Tomorrow…I’ll tell him either he leaves…or I do.
Part of her mind rebelled at the idea, but she tamped it down with conviction. She was determined now, and nothing was going to stop her from ending more than a year of emotional torment. Her feelings had been stomped on enough over their time together, and it had to cease before she became nothing but a burned-out husk of a person, a woman incapable of love. She already feared that she would never love another in the same way. But that was a worry for another day. Inuyasha had betrayed her in the worst way, and it would not happen again. Still, as she tried to find slumber later that night, that infuriating something from before continued to gnaw at her, and no amount of self-reassurance could make it go away. She lay awake all night, listening to the quiet snores of her friends and the pitter-patter of rain on the roof of the hut.
In the morning, Kagome rose with the sun, tired of fruitless attempts to find unconsciousness. She was mentally exhausted; her brain had found no rest last night, nor had her mind reached a consensus about what Inuyasha had done. It pissed her off to no end that she could still have faith in him, that her heart still believed things were not as they appeared. Kami, I’m such a fool. She inhaled deeply, intending to release the air in a long, relaxing breath. Instead, she choked on it. Her nose flared as she sought out the two scents which had surprised her so. One was Inuyasha’s, and if his had been the only scent she would have simply marched in the other direction. But the other scent intrigued her; she recognized it as belonging to someone she had met before. Daichi? What’s he doing here? True to her feline nature, she was unable to resist her curiosity, as she tracked the bear’s scent to a small, brownish lump on the ground.
Reaching her hand out hesitantly, she gripped the fabric of the carrying bag, and peered inside. White fabric met her gaze, and an inquisitive touch revealed that the garment was dry; apparently the carrying bag was waterproof. Kneeling down in the moist grass, she carefully lifted the item out of the bag and unfolded it. It was a white kosode, pretty standard for this day and age. Yet there was something strange about it; it appeared more regal than the kosode a normal human might wear. A small surge of power rippled through her as she studied it, resonating with her youki. She sniffed the fabric deeply, frowning as a pressing question occurred to her. What was this bag of clothing doing in the middle of nowhere with only Daichi’s and Inuyasha’s scents on it? Hm, Daichi did say he made Inuyasha’s haori, so maybe he made these was well? That would at least explain why the bear’s scent was heavier. But then what the hell was Inuyasha doing with this bag of clothing? With the recent exception of modern clothing, she had never known him to wear anything except his traditional red outfit. As a matter of fact, the kosode looked several sizes too small for him. So then, if it wasn’t for him, who was it for? Was it a gift? Her already miserable mood soured even further as she pondered the obvious conclusion. Ugh, she already has his heart, and now he’s showering her with gifts too! Would someone please just put me out of my misery? But that didn’t make any sense. If these were for Kikyou, then why didn’t Inuyasha give them to her days ago? Why were they sitting out here at the edge of the forest, as if they had been carelessly dropped? A horrid, disturbing thought occurred to her, one which immediately caused her heart to clench and her stomach to churn. What if…they were for her?
Like a sacrificial lamb being led to the slaughter, Kagome went through the bag, picking out one piece of clothing at a time. The white hot light of truth began to shine into her mind, scalding wherever it touched. She felt like she was going to throw up. The yellow and blue ensemble in particular was convincing evidence; it very closely resembled a certain blouse and pair of jean-shorts she currently had stored in her bag. And hadn’t she been wearing that outfit that day at Daichi’s cave? Ultimately, however, it was the last item that drove the final nail into the coffin of her conceited self-righteousness. The soft silk of the bathing yukata seemed to burn her fingers, or maybe that was just self-reproach playing tricks on her. The bile rose in her throat as she gazed at the immaculate design on the back, the beautiful meadow, the sleeping cat lying next to the dozing dog… Such symbolism could only mean one thing.
Leaning dizzily to the side, Kagome heaved violently, her empty stomach rendering most of the wretches dry. Hurriedly and haphazardly she stuffed all the garments back in the bag, not feeling worthy to touch them. Oh, Kami…what have I done?! Inuyasha had come bearing wonderful gifts, and she had tossed him out into the rain. The yukata alone said more about his feelings than he had ever spoken aloud. Her lack of faith might well have damaged their friendship beyond repair. Why? Why had she been so unfaithful?! Why hadn’t she trusted Inuyasha?
She was pretty sure the recent sting of Inuyasha’s apparent rejection had something to do with it. She hadn’t yet forgiven him for that unbelievable agony, for making her think he wouldn’t accept her as a hanyou. The pain had not yet faded, and easily poisoned her mind and judgment. So why did that just sound like a convenient, lame excuse? Kagome sobbed as tears continued to pour down her cheeks. Great, now I’m trying to make this all Inuyasha’s fault. What the hell is wrong with me?! No matter how badly he hurt me, I shouldn’t have assumed something so horrible of him! It had to be her, some fault she was missing. Yesterday, when she found out where Inuyasha was, or where they’d assumed he was, she had been furious. She hadn’t been that upset with him since Naraku’s baby had nearly broken her while he was chasing after a rumor of Kikyou. Her eyes widened as a new realization struck hard.
That was it! She thought back to all the other times he had left her to see Kikyou, the times he made her feel like a cheap copy of the dead priestess, like she would always be second best. Oh, Kami, I…I never forgave him for any of those times! I thought I did, but deep down I’ve been holding those experiences against him the whole time! Only in the deepest, darkest corner of her psyche had she harbored such resentment, so it went unnoticed by the conscious part of her mind. But it was always lurking, searching for the perfect opportunity to rear its ugly head. It had certainly picked the worst possible time. No more! This has to change; I have to forgive him, REALLY forgive him. He’s changed. He’s not the same man he once was; I don’t even see him pining for Kikyou anymore. And we’ve grown so close. My heart was trying to tell me all along that he would never truly betray me, but I didn’t listen. Baka! I have to forgive him.
And she did. This time, however, she knew it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Logic and reason gave way to pure emotion. Before, she had tried to forgive him with her head, but this time she forgave him with her heart. This only made her feel a little better. There was still the daunting task of earning his forgiveness in return, whether or not she actually deserved it. And to do that, she needed to find him. Before standing, she removed all the clothes from the bag, and gently smoothed and folded each item before replacing it. She somehow felt more worthy to touch the fabric now, but only Inuyasha himself could ease her anxiety. Or he could shatter her heart as she had no doubt smashed his; it was entirely his choice. Upon rising to her feet and sniffing for his trail, however, Kagome ran into an age-old problem: smells don’t cling to nature as they do to fabric. The evening’s rain had washed away all but the faintest traces of Inuyasha’s scent, and what was left just wasn’t strong enough to follow with her feline nose.
She headed for Goshinboku and, upon not finding him there, made a full circuit around the village. When she arrived back at the sacred tree a couple hours later with no leads, she finally gave up. Inuyasha apparently did not want to be found. Kagome slumped bonelessly against the trunk, and took to staring off into space, contemplating how the past twelve hours had gone so terribly wrong. That is how Sango found her sometime later.
“Kagome-chan, there you are! Why don’t you come in for lunch? You haven’t eaten anything since yesterday.”
Kagome didn’t respond; she just drew her legs up to her chest, hiding her face behind her knees. She didn’t particularly feel like being seen right now, by anyone.
“Look, Kagome-chan, I know you’re sad, but you have to take care of yourself. We’re all really worried about you. Please come and eat.”
Again, no response. Sango’s anger began to rise. “Come on, Kagome-chan! You can’t mope around all day just because Inuyasha is a bastard! We—”
A vicious snarl cut her off, and the taijiya suddenly found herself pinned to the Goshinboku by clawed hands clutching her shoulders.
“He’s not!” Kagome yelled, hovering over her, a dangerous glint shining in her eyes. But there was something else as well, a powerful sense of remorse that made Sango’s blood run cold. The feeling only intensified on Kagome’s expression as the miko realized what she had done to one of her best friends. Sango would have some bruises on her shoulders and probably on her back from where she hit the tree. Kagome released her, seeming to withdraw into herself as she curled into a ball once more.
“Kagome-chan,” Sango breathed in relief, placing her hand on the miko’s shoulder. “What do you mean ‘he’s not?’”
Without raising her head, Kagome merely pointed to the bag sitting on the other side of her.
“Oh, Kami…shit,” Sango swore as she looked through the clothes, coming to the same conclusion Kagome had.
“H-he wasn’t with Kikyou for three days, Sango-chan,” Kagome choked, laying her head on its side so she could meet the taijiya’s gaze. “He was at Daichi-sama’s, getting me a gift.”
Both girls were silent for a long moment before Sango spoke up. “Don’t worry, Kagome-chan. He’ll come back, and he’ll forgive you—us. I’m sorry, Kagome-chan. It’s our fault you’re in this mess—”
“Shut up, Sango-chan.”
“But if we hadn’t told y—”
“I said shut up! It’s as much my fault as it is yours! I should have had more faith in him.”
“We all should have,” Sango agreed. The two girls sat together for most of the afternoon, sometimes talking and sometimes just reflecting in silence. Sango retired a few hours before dusk, after eliciting a promise from Kagome to join them for dinner unless Inuyasha came by. Alone, fatigue overtook Kagome fairly quickly, as she slipped into a restless slumber, plagued by dark dreams of Inuyasha in pain, being sealed to the Goshinboku by his closest friend. Except this time, she was the one with the bow in her hands.
* * *
Inuyasha sat cross-legged in the mid-afternoon sunlight outside the cave, just as he had the entire morning. Birds twittered and flew by overhead, and small mammals scurried through the underbrush. He glared at all of them, hating the fact that these creatures could go on with their lives while his was inescapably stalled. He knew he had to go back to his companions, but he dreaded the reunion. Part of him wanted to brush this aside as a simple misunderstanding, but he was hurt, and it wasn’t that easy. They had wronged him, made them doubt his friendship. Last night, he had been reminded what it felt like to be utterly alone in the world. It stirred up several poignant memories, including one he clung tightly to and simultaneously wished to forget. ~~~
His mother coughed again, gasping for air as another fit wracked her thin frame. He had seen her sick before, but never this badly. And there was something different this time, a scent he didn’t recognize clinging to her. Only later would he learn that this scent, which had inspired unexplained dread in him, was death.
“Inuyasha,” she rasped, startling him. It was the first time she had been cognizant of her surroundings in almost two days. He hadn’t left her side since she first fell ill, not even to eat.
“Mama?” he replied hopefully, wiping her brow with a cool cloth. She gazed serenely up at him, her eyes relaxed and tranquil. At that moment, she had known what his innocent mind refused to accept. It was her last opportunity to speak to her son, and she could not waste it.
“Inuyasha, my darling son,” she said, weakly caressing his cheek with her palm. He leaned into her touch, his eyes drifting closed as some of the anxiety that had gripped him bled away. “I love you.”
His eyes snapped open at her statement, a bone-chilling fear settling firmly in the pit of his stomach. It wasn’t what she had said; she told him she loved him quite often, in fact. But the manner in which she spoke was unusually serious. It was…final. Still he refused to believe what was happening, what his instincts were telling him. He wrapped himself around his mother, clutching himself to her tightly and burying his face in her shoulder. His mother’s low chuckle turned into another coughing fit, and the tears he had been holding back for two days finally sprang to his eyes. His mother was dying.
“Inuyasha,” she soothed, not voicing any complaint about the uncomfortable tightness of his hold. Instead, she leisurely stroked his hair and placed gentle kisses on the top of his head. When he relaxed slightly, she articulated the most difficult words that had ever passed her lips.
“Inuyasha, I have to go soon.”
He shook his head violently, squeezing her even tighter.
“I’m sorry, Inuyasha, but I have to.”
Again, he shook his head, but this time she at least got a muffled response. “Don’t go,” he pleaded in a voice that nearly broke her heart.
She sighed heavily, the action causing more hacking coughs to tear through her.
“Inuyasha, look at me,” she ordered softly but sternly. When her son obeyed, what was left of her heart shattered. He looked so lost and alone, his normally bright eyes hollow from sadness. She gently dried his tears, smiling lovingly at him, and was gratified when he managed a small smile in return. “My beautiful son, you have brought me so much joy. Know that no matter where you go, or what you do, I will always love you.”
“I love you too, Mama.” Again he pressed himself into her, trying to be as close as possible before she was gone forever. Gone forever…that was a truly frightening thought. “But Mama, what will I do? How can I live without you?”
“You will find your way, Inuyasha,” she assured confidently. “You are so much like your father. You are strong enough to make your way in this world and compassionate enough to find love. Life will be difficult for you, but I have faith that you will one day have a family of your own. Just remember something your father told me. He said ‘there will be times in every man’s life when he must do or say the right thing, or lose the ones he loves.’ Follow your heart, my son, and I know you will make us proud.”
With those final words of wisdom, his mother slipped back into unconsciousness.
~~~
She passed away in her sleep a few hours later. Inuyasha dried the few rogue tears that had surfaced; it was amazing how thinking of his mother could still make him cry, though he suspected it always would. She had been his whole world. There will be times in every man’s life when he must do or say the right thing, or lose the ones he loves. Heh, you were right, Okaa-san…I finally found love again. And he would not abandon it over some accusations and mistrust. He would go back and try to explain things, and forgive Kagome even if she did not apologize. Fleetingly he wondered when he had become so selfless. Kagome’s influence, no doubt. She had healed him, caused him to better himself in so many ways, and he would be forever grateful.
He stood and headed off toward the village, traveling at a leisurely pace. Just because he had decided to go back didn’t mean he was particularly anxious to see his friends again. The sun was barely hovering over the horizon by the time he arrived. He picked up Kagome’s scent on the breeze and tracked it to Goshinboku. After hesitating for a few minutes, he eventually gathered his courage and strode into the clearing. He was surprised to find her asleep, slumped against the ancient tree. He sat back on his haunches, spellbound by her tranquil beauty. But she appeared to be having nightmares; her eyes worked furiously behind her lids and periodically she would shift and mumble in her sleep. Several times he thought he heard his name, and after a particularly bad start rocked her he decided it was time to rouse her from her slumber. Hi
“Kagome.”
Her eyes fluttered open in response, and she gasped as she saw him, bolting upright. “Inu-Inuyasha!” she gaped. Kagome was ecstatic to see him, but his guarded expression stopped her from enfolding him in a huge hug like she wanted. She could normally read him so well, but now she couldn’t tell if he was angry, sad, remorseful, or anything else. Perhaps he was feeling a combination of all those things. But she knew what her dominant emotions were at the moment: shame and remorse. Inuyasha had returned to her, and it was time to swallow her pride and act on those feelings.
“Inuyasha,” she repeated, lowering her eyes and fidgeting with her hands folded nervously in her lap. “I’m so sorry. It was wrong of me make those assumptions. I should have had more faith in you.”
“Yeah, you should have,” he replied harshly. Kagome’s eyes closed, tears springing forth as she bit her lower lip to keep from sobbing. Could she really blame him for not forgiving her? After all, holding grudges was part of the reason she was in this predicament in the first place. She had just about lost the physical battle with her despair when Inuyasha spoke again.
“But I’ll forgive you anyway.”
Her head snapped up, and he grinned slightly at her astonished expression.
“Wh-why?” she choked out.
He shrugged. “I realized that it’s partly my fault you guys thought I ran off to see Kikyou. Besides, you’ve always forgiven me for all the stupid shit I’ve done in the past, and I’d be some kind of heartless bastard to hold this against you.” To Inuyasha’s surprise, instead of brightening Kagome’s attitude and bringing a hesitant smile to her face, his words seemed to make her feel worse.
“I haven’t,” she confessed bitterly.
“Huh?” he asked, genuinely confused. “You haven’t what?”
“Forgiven you. This afternoon I realized that I never forgave you for some of the things you did, like leaving me to see Kikyou. Deep down I think I always resented you a little for those times. And with what happened the other day…I guess it all caught up with me at once, you know? But now, I really have forgiven you, for everything. I promise not to hold anything in our past against you, either.”
Inuyasha nodded as he digested her declaration. He settled down next to her, looping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her gently against him. She relaxed immediately, and much of the tension in the air vanished.
“I did see her, you know,” Inuyasha declared softly. Kagome grimaced at his admission, but said nothing. “It was last night, on the way back. We talked for a little while, then went our separate ways.”
“That’s fine. I can’t stop you from seeing Kikyou, and even if I could, it wouldn’t be right. You two have a history together, and I can’t change that. So I don’t mind if you see her. Just don’t hide it from me, okay?”
Now it was Inuyasha’s turn to grimace as the recalled all the times he had tried to do just that. Somehow it never seemed to work.
“Sounds like we need a fresh start, wench.”
Finally, Kagome smiled, turning to grin hopefully up at him. “That sounds great,” she said simply, but it was enough.
A silent agreement passed between them in that moment. There would be no more assumptions or misunderstandings; they would talk to each other, communicate about their problems. Unknowingly, they both shared basically the same thought. If we hadn’t been such bakas, we might have made this promise long ago. It would have saved us a lot of trouble…and heartache. But they couldn’t change what happened in the past, and it would do no good to dwell on it. That’s what this fresh start was all about. They lounged together under Goshinboku for a long time, and neither spoke until well after darkness had fallen over the land. They took pleasure in the feel of the other pressed so close and the intermingling of their scents as they watched the beauty of nature’s sunset together.
“So, Inuyasha,” Kagome said at long last, “where did you spend these past three days?”
Something in her tone made Inuyasha suspicious; it was as if she already knew the answer. Frowning, he took in his surroundings for the first time since returning, and immediately spotted the carrying bag on the ground on Kagome’s other side. His heart lodged in his throat in sudden nervousness, and he spared a glance at Kagome only to see her beaming brilliantly at him.
“Keh!” he spat out, looking away with a fierce blush on his cheeks. She was giving him that look, the one that could turn his insides to jelly in under a second, the one that made him feel like the luckiest hanyou on earth just for being in her presence. And if Kagome wasn’t sure the garments were intended for her before, she was now. That was the only thing his reaction could have meant.
“Thank you, but why did you get them for me?”
“You asked me to train you, so I figured you needed some tough clothing. They’re like my haori; they’ll bind to your youkai and fix themselves. D-do you want them?” he asked worriedly.
“Of course! They’re beautiful, and I love them! Especially the yukata.”
He grunted a response. “You weren’t supposed to see that one yet, wench.”
“Well, when were you going to give it to me?”
“I dunno! Maybe when you stopped being an annoying bitch!”
Kagome elbowed him in the side, but didn’t follow her first inclination and ‘osuwari’ him. She read his outburst for what it was: a nervous man lashing out in embarrassment-induced mock anger.
“Baka! You don’t have to be such a jerk about it.”
“Sorry.”
Slightly startled, Kagome turned to study him. He looked genuinely remorseful for his insults.
“You know, you’re apologizing a lot quicker now. Getting you to say you were sorry used to be like pulling teeth.”
“Maybe I’ve just gotten better at faking it,” he defended.
“Nope. I can tell you’re sincere.”
“Feh.” The worst part about what Kagome said was that it was completely true. Damn, I’m going soft. It’s all the wench’s fault! Evidently, Kagome guessed what he was thinking, because she decided to tease him a little.
“Aw, the big tough Inuyasha is becoming a nice guy! You’re a regular gentleman!” she joked, smirking.
“I am NOT nice, wench, and I sure as hell ain’t no fucking gentleman!”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. You still swear ‘like a drunken sailor,’ as Mama would put it.”
“Keh. No measly human can out-cuss me, wench.”
Kagome chuckled, and the laughter proved infectious, as Inuyasha joined in with a small snicker. And that’s when they both knew for sure that they would be okay. They really had embarked on a new beginning, inaugurated by a few minutes of playful bantering. When the mirth subsided, Kagome remembered something she had wanted to ask since that morning.
“So…can I try them on?”
“Go for it,” was his nonchalant reply, but his eyes betrayed him. He was very interested in seeing how she looked in the clothes he had brought her, and that was an entirely too pleasant observation. The butterflies in her stomach were working overdrive as she went into the woods to change. She modeled each in outfit in turn, sensing the now familiar scent of Inuyasha’s attraction in the air. And as she held the yukata in her hands, debating with herself whether to try it on as well, it was that scent which ultimately led to her decision. Inuyasha’s jaw dropped into his lap as she emerged from the trees. The last thing he’d been expecting was for her to come out wearing nothing but the bathing yukata. The exceedingly short bathing yukata.
The scent of his attraction increased exponentially, inflating Kagome’s ego just a little bit. Encouraged, she spun around halfway, moving her hair to expose the intricate design on her back. She glanced over her shoulder, flashing a somewhat sultry smirk. Inuyasha gulped, shifting uncomfortably as certain parts of his anatomy came to life. Thank Kami for baggy hakama. Fortunately, Kagome was not especially fond of flirting, and quickly lost her nerve. Inuyasha breathed a sigh of relief as she scurried back into the underbrush, hopefully to put on something a little less revealing. Not that little Inuyasha minded seeing her in just the yukata. When she did reemerge, she was wearing the all-red set of short clothing Daichi had designed for her.
“Why are you wearing that, wench?” Inuyasha asked curiously.
She shrugged. “I just felt like it,” she replied, settling into her previous place against his side. “How did everything look on me?” she inquired, grinning as Inuyasha flushed again. Because of her hanyou nose, that question was little more than a formality, but she still wanted to hear his answer.
“Uh…g-good,” he stuttered, his speech impeded by the sheer dryness of his mouth.
“Just good?”
“Really good,” he reluctantly admitted.
“Thanks,” Kagome replied, leaning up to place a kiss on his cheek. “For everything.”
In that moment, Inuyasha was reminded of his revelation, and seriously considered telling Kagome how he felt right then and there. But the pain was still too fresh, open sores not quite healed, so he put it off for another day. There would be other opportunities.
“K-keh!”
Fortunately, Inuyasha was saved from saying anything further on the matter by Kagome’s cavernous yawn. “Go back to the hut, wench. You need to be well-rested if we’re gonna start training tomorrow.”
She shook her head. “I’d rather sleep in Goshinboku with you. Do you mind?” she asked shyly.
Inuyasha’s heart thundered rapidly as the possible implications of her statement set in. He was sure she meant nothing hentai by it, but even just cuddling up together for the night was a monumentous step he wasn’t sure he was ready for.
“Do what you want,” he replied before leaping up into one of the higher branches, leaving Kagome to stare longingly up at him. She sighed; his actions made perfectly clear what he thought of her idea. Still, it would be nice to be close to him. It had been far too many nights since she had slumbered in his soothing presence. But sleep eluded her; she was unable to find a comfortable position on her chosen branch. The hard bark poked into her back and buttocks, and she wondered not for the first time how the hell Inuyasha did it.
Currently, said hanyou was sitting above her, mentally berating himself. You moron! You love her, so what’s the problem with letting her sleep in your arms? All you did by rejecting her was hurt her feelings. Baka! Growling to himself, he listened to Kagome toss and turn for a few more minutes before making up his mind. Silently he dropped down onto Kagome’s branch, startling the miko with the sudden weight on her platform. Wordlessly he drew her away from the trunk and placed himself behind her, then pulled her back to lie against his chest. She quickly got the idea, and turned on her side to snuggle more fully into his embrace. Neither could help the twin smiles and blushes as their heartbeats slowed and they drifted off to neverland.
2011 Note – I thought I was going to make major changes to this chapter, but in the end I only toned down Inuyasha’s indignation somewhat. He does not contemplate leaving his friends as he did before; that was a little much. But I don’t agree with the reviewers who told me that the rest of this interaction is unreasonable. I think it’s easy to underestimate how meaningful his friends’ lack of faith in him was to Inuyasha. Let’s face it; they collectively are his world. Their opinions matter a lot to him, even if he won’t admit it. This is why I made such a big deal of the others’ transgression here. I believe this situation is now treated more or less equally to the one a few chapters ago (where Inuyasha told Kagome he wouldn’t accept her). That I favored Inuyasha in the original version of these two chapters is a criticism I agree with. Slightly favored, that is.
I guess I got tired of everything always being Inuyasha’s fault in fanfiction, and to a lesser extent, the series itself. As a male, I naturally identify more with male characters. That’s not a bad thing, but I think I took it a little too far in the original version of this story. Hopefully now things are more even.
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