InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Metamorphosis ❯ The Days Go By ( Chapter 46 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: King Baka 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Suspense / Romance / Hentai / Adventure | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.27.2010 | Updated On: 02.11.2011 | Pages: 5 | Words: 8.1K | Visits: 2.8K | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Suspense / Romance / Hentai / Adventure | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.27.2010 | Updated On: 02.11.2011 | Pages: 5 | Words: 8.1K | Visits: 2.8K | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha or any of the publicly known characters, plot, etc. I’m just renting them from Rumiko Takahashi, Viz, etc. I do own the plot of this story and any original characters I’ve created. I will make no money from this fic; I write for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of my readers.
The Days Go By
The next day started out much the same for our two hanyou, with Kagome at school and Inuyasha working for her grandfather. But there were a couple noticeable differences, both positive. First, the old man was much less ornery this morning, and second, he didn’t keep Inuyasha cleaning ‘priceless family heirlooms’ well into the afternoon. They were done by noon, and though the hanyou wondered why he wasn’t being given another thing to polish, he wasn’t about to complain. Lunch was a quiet affair, not surprisingly, but Inuyasha found it encouraging that he was apparently welcome at the table with Kagome’s mother and grandfather. Early afternoon found him at his favorite modern pastime—tormenting Buyo. He suspected the portly feline secretly enjoyed it; either that, or it was simply too lazy to run away when it saw him coming.
“I’m going grocery shopping,” he heard Mrs. Higurashi say in the other room. “Do you need anything?”
“Yes,” Kagome’s grandfather answered. “Could you pick me up a tube of Bengay?”
“Oh? I thought you had some sort of traditional, smelly herbal paste remedy for your sore knees?”
The old man stuttered for a moment. “It’s a tried and true family recipe! Someone must have written down the instructions wrong, because that’s the only explanation for why it doesn’t work!”
“Oh, I see,” Mrs. Higurashi replied, her tone patronizing. Her father either didn’t notice or chose to ignore it. “Alright, well, I’m off.” She began moving toward the door, and struck by sudden inspiration, Inuyasha released the cat and rose to meet her.
“Higurashi-san?”
“Yes?” she asked, turning to face him.
“D-do you want some help carrying bags?”
Mrs. Higurashi’s amused smile faded, and Inuyasha could see the conflict in her eyes. But eventually she managed a hesitant smile, clearly not entirely comfortable but still unwilling to refuse him. “Sure,” she answered. Nodding, Inuyasha hurried upstairs to change into modern clothes. Mrs. Higurashi made her way outside, and had just turned to wait at the top of the shrine steps when she saw Inuyasha vault down from her daughter’s window.
“That was fast,” she observed as he approached, clad in black jeans and a white t-shirt with the red sun of the Japanese flag in the center. He grinned, one fang poking through.
“What did you expect?”
“I didn’t think you’d be so proficient at putting on modern clothing yet,” she replied as they began to walk down the shrine steps. Inuyasha rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, looking slightly embarrassed.
“Well, I may have practiced a few times back when you first got them for me.”
“A few times?”
“Maybe a few dozen.”
Mrs. Higurashi chuckled, the pleasant sound music to Inuyasha’s ears. “Do you like them?”
He shrugged. “They aren’t so bad once you get use to ‘em.”
“I’m glad. They do look good on you,” she declared, giving him a once-over.
“Thanks,” he said, blushing slightly at the compliment. “Hey, Higurashi-san?”
“Yes?”
“Do you think…since Kagome and I’ll be staying here for awhile, and we’re going shopping anyway…do you think we could get some extra—”
“Ramen?” she finished. He nodded eagerly, his earnest expression making him look like a child begging for candy. She sighed, shaking her head with a grin. How was she supposed to refuse those puppy eyes? Good thing I brought my checkbook. “I hope it’s on sale.”
Much to her relief, the ramen had been on sale, as had many of the other items she needed. And being the thrifty shopper she was, when sales came around, she liked to stock up on things the family used regularly. The only problem with that was there was only so much she could carry by herself. Inuyasha’s presence took care of that little issue, so she allowed herself to splurge, buying double or even triple of all the sale items that wouldn’t go bad. In retrospect, she had probably gone a little overboard, to the point where people on the street stopped to look at them as they passed, wondering how the young man who didn’t look like he was super strong was toting six full paper bags of groceries down the sidewalk as if they weighed nothing at all. One relatively young woman even asked her what she was feeding him, to which she helplessly answered ‘ramen.’ Hm, maybe Inuyasha could get an endorsement deal with Maruchan. (1) “Ramen noodles made me this strong,” he says as he lifts a car. (2)
She giggled, and Inuyasha quirked an eyebrow at her but didn’t comment. If she was happy, then so was he. He was, however, getting tired of the freezing cold object resting against his forearm, the thin paper bag providing little insulation. Carrying six bags didn’t exactly allow him to juggle them around to make holding them more comfortable. Fortunately, Mrs. Higurashi wasted no time in waving him into the kitchen, telling him to set the bags down on the counter. She immediately started putting the cold foods away, shooing him from the room with orders to go relax and a final ‘thank you’ for the assistance.
He intended to do just that, and the most peaceful place on the grounds right now was probably Kagome’s room. He went upstairs and opened the window to let in some fresh air. Leaning out, he checked the position of the sun; it was still a little while before he had to leave to meet Kagome at her school. Feeling lazy, he settled down on her bed, letting out a pleasured groan at the softness of her mattress against his back. He breathed long and deep of Kagome’s lingering scent, allowing all the tension to bleed from his body. No matter what else was going on in their lives, he always found her scent comforting. And he still couldn’t get over how soft her mattress felt…
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” she apologized. “I was just surprised to find you asleep.”
“Oh, crap! I was supposed to meet you at your school. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to walk me home if you don’t want to,” she replied, her tone hinting at disappointment.
“I do! I just…fell asleep today,” he answered, feeling rather stupid.
Kagome grinned at him. “You go somewhere today?” she asked, pointing toward his body. Looking down, Inuyasha realized that he had never changed out of his modern clothes.
“Uh, yeah, I went shopping with your mom.”
“Oh, that’s right, today is grocery day. Well, that explains all the extra ramen in the cupboard,” she said with a smirk. “That your reward for carrying the bags?”
“And for helping your jiji.”
“Well, he really appreciates it. How’s that going, by the way?”
Inuyasha shrugged. “Fine, I guess. It’s smelly work, but not hard. I still don’t understand why cleaning old shit to look nice makes him so happy.”
“Jii-chan takes a lot of pride in his stuff, kind of like you take pride in your sword.”
“Oh.” When she explained it like that, it made perfect sense. An awkward silence ensued, and Inuyasha felt like he should say something, so he articulated the first thing that came to mind. “How was school?”
Kagome had to do a double take, staring at him as if he had sprouted another head. Frowning, he folded his arms across his chest.
“What?” he snapped.
“I don’t think you’ve ever asked me that before,” she answered, still stunned.
“I never really cared before.”
Kagome chuckled at that and shook her head. Typical, blunt Inuyasha. “School’s fine. I’m slowly catching up with all the material I missed. It was a little easier to pay attention today.”
“Good,” he replied, genuinely glad for her. He still didn’t like how important school was to her, but it was an obligation, and he knew a little something about fulfilling obligations. He would support her decision to continue her education, at least while they weren’t about to go shard hunting in the past. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, and Kagome busied herself unpacking her backpack. Eventually, she decided to just ask the question which had been nibbling at her mind for most of the afternoon.
“So…you up for a run, or are you too tired?” she teased.
“Keh! Even if I was half asleep you couldn’t keep up with me.”
“We’ll see about that, dog boy.”
But even with everything else going on, it was clear from the ever-present smell of fresh sex that they were also enjoying their newfound intimacy. Miroku had already agreed on a system with Kohaku and Shippo; if his staff was lying across the entryway, the children were to stay away. Kohaku was usually busy learning the art of healing from Kaede anyway, and Shippo often sat in on his lessons because he had nothing else to do. Miroku and Sango used this to their advantage, and as a result the staff across the doorway was normally not necessary. All indications pointed to a long, blissful, and productive marriage. Neither hanyou had ever seen the monk or slayer so happy before. They didn’t know it; but their thoughts matched. That should be us.
Friday rolled into Saturday, and both hanyou remained in the present for the duration of the weekend. Kagome had plenty of studying to keep her busy, and the newlyweds were off in a neighboring village driving out a swarm of mouse youkai which had been damaging crops. Souta’s friends returned and engaged Inuyasha in another game, and the hanyou was grateful for the break from monotony. Then, before either of them realized, it was Monday again, and their regular routine reestablished itself. The only unusual event was Sango speaking to Inuyasha again, though not in an especially friendly manner. She didn’t have to threaten to slice his balls off if he ever hurt Kagome again; it was well implied.
And so the days and weeks went by, blending together until neither could be sure exactly how long they had been living in the modern era. Slowly, a sense of normalcy returned to their lives. Inuyasha no longer felt resented on either side of the well, and Kagome felt like a high school student again, which she had mixed feelings about. But there was one thing that didn’t change, much to the dismay of both—their relationship with each other. They continued to sleep and dress separately, and were always careful with their words. They had yet to even kiss, let alone do anything more. It was as if there was an invisible wall between them, allowing them to hear each other but preventing them from getting close enough to touch or really connect. Their eyes, which had once been so clear, were now masked, unreadable. Things weren’t getting any worse, but neither were they improving. They were still stuck in their dreadful limbo, and neither could see a way out. It was frustrating to say the least. Time, which both had hoped would be their redeemer, was not working, and they didn’t know what to fall back on.
Kagome’s head, which had been turned so she could gaze longingly at the clock on the wall, snapped back to attention at her teacher’s statement. “T-test?” she stuttered.
“Yes, Higurashi. A test. Tomorrow. I trust you will be ready for it.”
Kagome groaned and put her head in her hands. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap! I totally forgot about it. I should have been studying all week! Now I’ll have to cram and hope I don’t fall asleep during the exam. In MATH, too! Dammit!
“Hey, Kagome,” Yuka said next to her, grinning at her friend’s misery. “We’re going down to the city library to study. You wanna come?”
Kagome’s head shot up, hope shining in her eyes. “Y-you guys really mean it? You’ll let me study with you, even though you’ll probably have to teach me everything?”
“Sure, what are friends for? Besides, if we have to teach you, then it will help us make sure we know it ourselves.”
Kagome sniffled, overcome with relief. “I love you guys!” she exclaimed, leaping up and enfolding them in a group hug.
“Alright, Kagome, chill out,” Eri ordered with a smile. “You’re making a scene!”
“Yeah, and I’m sure you know more than you think.”
“I hope you don’t end up eating those words, Ayumi.”
“The only thing I’m eating is a cheeseburger,” Yuka declared. “You in?” Kagome’s stomach growled audibly, and all the girls laughed. “I guess that answers that question. Come on, let’s go. I’m starved!”
“Okay, just let me call my mom,” Kagome said.
“Here,” Eri replied, handing Kagome her cell phone. “You can do it on the way.”
Still Kagome hesitated. The quickest way to WacDonald’s was the exit at the back of the school, but she had a persistent feeling that she should leave through the front entrance. But why? What was so important?
“Come on, Kagome! It’s supposed to rain soon and I don’t want to get caught in it.”
“Coming!” Kagome answered, quickly packing up her things and hurrying after the three schoolgirls. She brushed off her strange feeling, resolved to focus on studying so she didn’t flunk her test tomorrow. Everything else could take a back seat for the moment.
Her good mood lasted until she opened the door to her room and found Inuyasha standing in the center of it, arms crossed and a furious scowl twisting his features. He looked and smelled like wet dog, and though he had probably shaken himself dry outside, his hair still dripped intermittently onto her carpet. With a sinking feeling, Kagome suddenly realized why she had wanted to leave through the main entrance. Oh, no! Why did it have to rain today?
“Oh, Inuyasha, I’m so sorry! Let me go run you a warm bath.”
“Forget it. I don’t need your pity.”
Kagome cringed; Inuyasha was really mad. But for some reason, she didn’t feel like putting up with his petulance today. Her forgetfulness had caused him to stand outside in the rain, but so what? That paled in comparison to some of the things he had done, and never apologized for! She was truly sorry, and he would have to accept her apology and get over it.
“Inuyasha,” she said sternly, “I said I was sorry. I’m trying to make it up to you.”
“You can’t, Kagome. I waited and waited, but you never came. I even went inside the school, but you weren’t there. Then I looked all over the city for you, but I couldn’t track you because of the damn rain! And then I came back here and your mom tells me you’re studying with friends. Are you fucking kidding me?!”
Normally, Kagome mused, she would be touched by his concern, but this time he just came off as unreasonable and overbearing. “Why the hell did you do all that?”
“I thought something happened to you, why else?”
“Inuyasha, don’t be ridiculous! I’m a hanyou, and my time is safe.”
“And you have jewel shards around your neck, which makes you a target. So when you go missing, what am I supposed to think?”
“You’re supposed to think that maybe I just went out with my friends. I do have a life here, you know!”
“Oh, and that means you can just leave paranoid old Inuyasha hanging? He doesn’t matter; let him stand in the rain!”
“I already told you I was sor—”
“Save it. I have better things to do than running around looking for you all day!”
“Oh, yeah? Like what? Planning to go ask to join Kikyou in hell again?” Kagome inhaled sharply, stunned at her own words. Wh-where the hell did that come from? Not from her rational mind, that’s for sure. It didn’t matter; she had said it, and now she had to live with the consequences, which apparently included an even more irate Inuyasha.
“At least Kikyou never stood me up when she was supposed to meet me!”
“Really? That’s not the story I heard!”
Kagome immediately covered her mouth with both hands. Oh, Kami, I can’t believe I just said that! The day of Kikyou’s death had always been a sensitive subject with Inuyasha, and to throw it at him like that was downright despicable. And judging by the mix of hurt and rage on his features, it was far too late to take it back. But she would try anyway.
“Inuyasha, I didn’t mean—”
“Bitch,” he swore, his voice dripping with venom, golden eyes flashing dangerously. Then, without another word, he strode to the window and leapt out into the darkness.
“Inuyasha, wait!” she pleaded, hurrying after him. “INUYASHA!!!” she called out into the night, but there was no response. He was gone, swallowed by the darkness. Kagome slumped against the windowsill, alone. (3)
The fact that it was true also helped. In his anger, he had reverted back to his old ways, defending Kikyou vehemently and putting her on a pedestal despite evidence of her questionable character. When he was thinking clearly, he knew she didn’t belong up there. She wasn’t perfect; no one was. But in the end, this really wasn’t about Kikyou. The dead miko had just been the direction their argument turned right before it boiled over out of control. What he didn’t know was why the fight had gotten so ugly. There were many possibilities, some of which he didn’t want to think about. He didn’t really care at this point; the most important thing was finding the courage to go apologize to Kagome. The ball was in his court since she had no idea where he was. For once, he couldn’t just sit in the feudal era and pout until Kagome came back and forgave him. It was time to man up and go see her, sooner rather than later.
Resolved, he stood and began walking across the rooftops, only showing any sign of haste when he had to leap across an alleyway. He was going, but his nerves would not permit him to be enthusiastic about it. Finally he spied the shrine in the distance, crowned by the cavern of humility that was the Higurashi residence. At least, that was how it appeared to him right now. He loitered for a few minutes outside the grounds before silently closing the distance and leaping up to Kagome’s window, not wanting to face her family until he had patched things up with her. She wasn’t at her desk as he expected; instead, she was curled up on her bed, facing away from him. He gingerly stepped inside, listening to her deep, even breathing, which confirmed that she was asleep. His eyes softened; if last night for her had been anything like it was for him, she probably hadn’t slept at all. There was no way he was going to wake her up; his apology could wait. Yawning, he settled down in front of the window, leaning back against the wall and propping Tetsusaiga up on his shoulder. He was fairly tired himself. Closing his eyes and breathing in Kagome’s soothing scent, he dozed off.
It was nearly dusk by the time the sounds of her stirring roused him. Kagome sat halfway up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Then she rolled to put her feet on the floor, and spying a blotch of red out of the corner of her eye, did a quick double take and froze. She gaped at him, surprise the only emotion he could read on her features. Her eyes shone with several, but he could not interpret them. It was disturbing, and all the more reason they needed to have a serious conversation this evening.
“I-Inuyasha,” she whispered, the sound of her voice shattering his resolve and building it back up again. Taking a calming breath, he decided to simply say what he came here to say.
“I’m sorry.”
“W-what?” she replied in disbelief. “What are you sorry for?”
“For overreacting. And for calling you a bitch.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that. I should be apologizing to you. What I said about Kikyou was unforgivable!”
“Obviously it wasn’t.”
“B-b-but—”
“Come on, Kagome. I’ve said a lot worse to you and you’ve always forgiven me. I started the argument and I was probably asking for it.”
Kagome opened her mouth to respond in the negative when she heard the faintest rustle through the door. With an exasperated sigh she realized that could only mean one thing—eavesdroppers in the hallway. Her family meant well, but she and Inuyasha really needed privacy for this. Evidently Inuyasha came to the same conclusion.
“Walk with me,” he said, more a plea than an order. He stood and vaulted out the window, and she hurried to follow suit. He grabbed her hand, gently pulling her toward the well house. She hastened her stride to walk beside him, but did not release his hand. They leapt into the well together, emerging to the end of a gorgeous day in the feudal era. Both were happy to find the clearing deserted; their friends would no doubt sense that something was up and they didn’t want to have to answer any questions. Kagome didn’t need Inuyasha to lead her anymore; she knew exactly where they were heading. They remained hand-in-hand as they sauntered over to Goshinboku, the place where they first met, and the scene of many crucial moments in their relationship. There was no better place for a heart to heart discussion. They gazed at the tree in reverence for a few moments before Inuyasha finally turned to face her.
“Now where were we?” he asked, just a hint of annoyance in his tone.
“Um, I think I was just saying that you weren’t ‘asking for’ what I said about Kik—”
“I was so! But I don’t want to have another stupid argument over it. Let’s just say we’re both sorry and we both forgive each other.”
“Okay.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
& #8220;…”
“It seems too easy,” Kagome declared after a short silence. “If it was such a stupid little argument to begin with, why did we explode on each other like that?”
“We haven’t fought like that since before you became a hanyou,” Inuyasha added in agreement.
“Since before that even! The last time I remember us being at each other’s throats over something dumb like that was a few months after I met you.”
“Yeah.”
“So what happened yesterday?”
Neither of them knew for sure. They had vague ideas, but one troubling thought stuck out to both of them. And both so badly wanted to be reassured that it wasn’t true. It was that yearning which finally caused Inuyasha to pose the question they both dreaded.
“Are we breaking up?”
Kagome gasped, surprised that he had given voice to the possibility she feared the most. He said it so desperately, and she felt matching anxiety rise within her. That certainly could end up being the result of all this hardship. They could break up. She shivered, experiencing a sudden chill which had nothing to do with the setting sun. Wordlessly, she closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around his torso. She placed her ear to his heart, listening to its steady beat and allowing it to soothe her. His arms fell around her and clutched her tightly.
“I don’t want to,” Kagome said softly. She felt Inuyasha shake his head vigorously in agreement, and she closed her eyes with a small sigh. At least they were on the same page there. But given that, why couldn’t things get better? What they were doing now clearly wasn’t working, and they needed to figure out a solution before things regressed beyond the point of no return.
“So how can we make sure that doesn’t happen?” Inuyasha asked. It was an interesting question. They had done everything they could, hadn’t they? Spending time together every day, staying with Kagome’s family, avoiding awkward moments. What else could they do? They had already tried everything they could think of, except…except…
“Maybe…talking about our problems?” Kagome proposed, raising her head to gaze up into his eyes. They held no surprise, suggesting that the same thing had occurred to him.
“Okay, so start talking,” he replied, though his tone was beseeching rather than demanding. Kagome didn’t mind, as long as Inuyasha shared his thoughts afterwards. She had faith that he would. But where to start? Inuyasha, I’m tired of being distanced from you, and then I get frustrated and yesterday I lashed out at you because of it. Actually, that sounds pretty good.
“I guess I’ve just been frustrated that we haven’t been able to get closer. I think all that pent-up irritation boiled over on me yesterday when we fought.”
Inuyasha nodded. “I’ve felt the same way. I was so pissed that you left me in the rain yesterday. Even my temper doesn’t usually go crazy like that over something so small. I spent days sitting in the rain when I was younger, when I couldn’t find shelter. It shouldn’t have bothered me so much.”
“You’re right; you usually are a little cooler than that.”
He scoffed, as if to say ‘a little?’ but she ignored him. “And I never bring up Kikyou when we’re arguing…” she trailed off, eyes widening as a memory came to her. “A couple weeks ago, I was talking with my friends at school and they asked about you and your ‘ex.’ Then when I got up, I noticed claw marks in my desk. I forgot about it until now, but I think I know why I did it. I guess I never forgave you for asking to join Kikyou in hell.”
Inuyasha grimaced, breaking eye contact in favor of gazing off into the distance. “I suspected as much.”
“Y-you did?”
“Kagome, you’re the most forgiving person I know, but even you would have trouble letting what I did go. Look how long it took your family and our friends, and I didn’t even do anything to them!”
Kagome shook her head in disbelief. “All this time, I thought you expected me to—”
“I don’t. I understand how hard it is for you. You probably haven’t forgiven me for leaving you in your time in the first place.” Her silence was his answer, and when he glanced down at her she was gazing pensively off to the side. “It’s alright, Kagome. I know you’re trying.”
“I really am trying!” she confirmed, locking eyes with him again. “It’s not like thinking of those things makes my blood boil, at least not anymore. I feel like I’ve put all that behind me, but I guess there’s still a small part of me refusing to move on.” Kagome paused for a moment, watching as Inuyasha digested her words. Then she decided it was time for a role reversal. “Speaking of moving on, it’s your turn to share.”
“M-me?” Inuyasha stuttered, pulling back slightly as if to argue. But he immediately thought better of it, sighing in resignation. Kagome waited patiently for him to gather his thoughts.
“I’ve been on edge lately because it bothered me that things weren’t getting any better,” he said. Kagome felt her brow lower. You already said that, Inuyasha, and you’d better give me something more substantial! “But that’s not the whole reason I was so mad yesterday,” he continued as if reading her mind. “Whenever I think about the way things are now, and the way they used to be, I feel guilty. It’s my fault we’re like this now. It’s my fault we have to ask ourselves if we’re breaking up. It’s all my fault. And yesterday, I was so worried when you disappeared…if something happened to you, that would have been my fault too. I was so disgusted with myself, and when you came back, I took all of it out on you. I’m really sorry.”
She shook off his apology. “I had no idea remorse still affected you so much.”
“How could it not? Every day I’m reminded of my mistakes. When I go to say something to you but choke it back because it would be awkward, when I see how happy Sango and Miroku are together, when we go to sleep separately at night…I can’t forget what I did, not when I constantly live the consequences. It’s almost like…we aren’t even mates anymore.”
Kagome’s eyes widened, but his were closed, so he didn’t see. That exact thought had crossed her mind several times over the past few weeks, especially since she began observing a certain married couple. They had engaged in virtually no physical contact since their reunion at that bigoted village, which was probably why neither of them was willing to release the other now. This long embrace seemed to be doing wonders for their relationship; neither could remember the last time they had been so open with the other.
“Part of the reason for that,” he continued, hesitating, unsure whether to relate this final detail. But they were sharing all their feelings and emotions, and holding something back at this point felt like dishonesty. “I, um, that is, I haven’t been as…attracted to you as I usually am.”
“W-what?!” Kagome responded, utterly shocked.
“I-it’s not because I think you’re ugly or anything,” Inuyasha hastily amended, her reaction having obviously given him the wrong idea.
“Inuyasha.”
“I mean, you’re beautiful, but I just don’t—”
“Inuyasha!”
“What?!” he asked, his ears lowered in shame.
“It’s okay. I understand.”
“Y-you do?”
“Yes, I do. Because I’ve felt the same thing.”
“Oh…good, I guess.”
“No, it’s not good. But at least now I know it isn’t just me, and vice versa.”
Inuyasha nodded and sighed in relief. “I thought there was something wrong with me.”
“There is, but it’s not that,” Kagome teased, the entire exchange having lightened her mood. It took Inuyasha several seconds to realize that she was joking, but when he did, a tentative smile emerged on his features.
“That wasn’t funny, Kagome.”
Kagome frowned, despite their lighthearted banter. There was something off with that statement, something missing… She gasped as she realized what it was.
“Why didn’t you call me ‘wench’ there?”
“Huh?” Inuyasha wondered, totally confused.
“Usually you would say ‘that wasn’t funny, wench.’ Why did you call me by my name instead? Come to think of it, you haven’t called me ‘wench’ in a long time.”
“I guess I haven’t,” Inuyasha replied, his expression turning serious once more. “At first, it was because I didn’t want to upset you. I guess I got into a habit of using your name.”
“Oh,” Kagome responded, wondering if that habit was going to become permanent.
“I won’t go back to ‘wench,’” Inuyasha stated, answering her silent question. “It doesn’t suit you.” He looked away, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand and blushing lightly. “And if we ever do…have children, I wouldn’t want to call you ‘wench’ in front of them.”
Kagome leaned her head against his chest again, beaming brightly. “I’m glad.”
Inuyasha held her close, resting his cheek on her hair. Off to the west the sun was halfway below the tree line, the sky glowing brilliant pink. Struck by sudden inspiration, he pulled back from Kagome and picked her up bridal style, leaping up to his favorite branch of Goshinboku, which had a perfect view of the breathtaking sight. He and Kagome settled against the trunk, her back against his chest, her torso ensconced in his voluminous sleeves.
“Wow,” she declared, amazed by the simple beauty of nature. The bright pink sky was just for them, a blessing and an omen. At least, that was how it seemed to her in that moment. Neither of them spoke again until the last ray of sunlight had disappeared below the horizon, and darkness had settled over the land.
“Think your mom would worry if we don’t come back tonight?” Inuyasha asked.
“Well, seeing as how we’re here because my family was eavesdropping, I think she knows where we are. It’s so nice out here. I’d like to stay.”
“Me too.”
They spent the next several hours like that, speaking occasionally, but mostly just enjoying the sensation of being nestled up to each other. It felt like returning home after a lifetime in a faraway land. But after what seemed a blissful eternity of gazing up at the stars, surrounded by Inuyasha’s warmth, Kagome felt her eyebrows begin to droop. She yawned widely, and before Inuyasha could comment, he followed suit. Kagome giggled; apparently yawning really was contagious.
“Tired?” she teased.
“Keh.”
“Hm, well I’m going to sleep,” she replied, turning over onto her side. It dawned on her that this was the first time since the tragedy that they would sleep together, but it just felt right. Their relationship wasn’t back to normal, not by a long shot, but she was certainly more comfortable with Inuyasha now than she’d been since their reunion. “Goodnight, Inuyasha.”
“G’night.”
Leaning up, Kagome hesitated only a moment before planting a soft kiss on his cheek. Inuyasha’s fingers caught her chin on the way down, drawing her face back up to his. In his eyes she saw nervousness and uncertainty, and she was sure matching emotions shone in hers. Was this the right thing to do? Was it too soon? Should they wait? Aw, to hell with it, they both decided at once, leaning in to meet each other.
It wasn’t much of a kiss, but it didn’t have to be. They both felt a tiny spark of something they hadn’t experienced in weeks, a hint of life to a flame thought long extinguished. Kagome pulled away and settled on Inuyasha’s chest, grinning hopefully. Today they had taken the first step, and tomorrow truly would be a new day. With cheerful minds and contented hearts, they slept. And the miko dreamt…
~~~
There was blackness all around her. But this was comforting darkness, and she felt no fear. There was no ground beneath her feet, so she simply floated, content to let the void take her where it would.
Suddenly she heard a voice, neither male nor female. A child’s voice, laughter, echoing off invisible walls and reaching her ears from all directions. She smiled, unable to resist the joyous quality of the sound. Finally it trailed off until silence once again reigned.
“Hello, Okaa-san,” the voice said.
“Okaa-san?” she repeated, stunned by the ramifications of that word. “B-but that must mean…oh, Kami, you’re the child we lost!”
The child chuckled. “Indeed I am.”
“I’m so, so sorry,” Kagome replied miserably, tears springing to her eyes.
“There is no need to cry, Okaa-san,” the voice answered calmly. “It was my destiny. It was not yet time for your first child to be born.”
“What do you mean?” Kagome wondered, sniffling.
“It is a special child, a child of destiny, one with a Kami-given role to play. Soon the time will come for it to begin its journey.”
“H-how soon?”
“When the time comes, you will know.”
“But I don’t understand! How will I—”
“When the time comes, you will know. Your memory of our meeting will remain here until it is needed. Goodbye, Okaa-san.”
Kagome felt herself fading, leaving this strange shadow world. And as the child foretold, she left her memory of the encounter behind. It would emerge when converging destinies required it to be so. And when that time came, it would be up to the two hanyou what to do with it.
(1) Maruchan is the name of one of the companies that makes ramen. It was the first one I saw when I did a google search, plus it sounds kinda Asian anyway.
(2) I didn’t realize it until now, but I later turned this little phrase into a chapter in another work. See “Inuyasha Sells Out!”
(3) I almost ended the chapter here, but I decided to forego the cliffhanger because the chapter was only about 3,000 words long at that point. You guys are lucky!
A/N – So who knew talking about your problems is often the first step toward fixing them? Do I hear a “DUH?!” But as they say, sometimes the most obvious things are the most difficult to see. The conversation was at least partially inspired by Selina MacCloveror’s last couple reviews, which really encouraged me to explore the ‘talking to each other’ solution. The dream idea was sent to me by Deathmvp, who continues to be a valued source of inspiration. Thanks, you two!
2011 Note – I made a pretty major change to the dream scene. Before, the child said it had returned from the afterlife and was going to be reborn. Now that is not the case. I revised it because I didn’t want to cheapen the loss of the child.
Converting /tmp/phpi1OFrz to /dev/stdout
The Days Go By
The next day started out much the same for our two hanyou, with Kagome at school and Inuyasha working for her grandfather. But there were a couple noticeable differences, both positive. First, the old man was much less ornery this morning, and second, he didn’t keep Inuyasha cleaning ‘priceless family heirlooms’ well into the afternoon. They were done by noon, and though the hanyou wondered why he wasn’t being given another thing to polish, he wasn’t about to complain. Lunch was a quiet affair, not surprisingly, but Inuyasha found it encouraging that he was apparently welcome at the table with Kagome’s mother and grandfather. Early afternoon found him at his favorite modern pastime—tormenting Buyo. He suspected the portly feline secretly enjoyed it; either that, or it was simply too lazy to run away when it saw him coming.
“I’m going grocery shopping,” he heard Mrs. Higurashi say in the other room. “Do you need anything?”
“Yes,” Kagome’s grandfather answered. “Could you pick me up a tube of Bengay?”
“Oh? I thought you had some sort of traditional, smelly herbal paste remedy for your sore knees?”
The old man stuttered for a moment. “It’s a tried and true family recipe! Someone must have written down the instructions wrong, because that’s the only explanation for why it doesn’t work!”
“Oh, I see,” Mrs. Higurashi replied, her tone patronizing. Her father either didn’t notice or chose to ignore it. “Alright, well, I’m off.” She began moving toward the door, and struck by sudden inspiration, Inuyasha released the cat and rose to meet her.
“Higurashi-san?”
“Yes?” she asked, turning to face him.
“D-do you want some help carrying bags?”
Mrs. Higurashi’s amused smile faded, and Inuyasha could see the conflict in her eyes. But eventually she managed a hesitant smile, clearly not entirely comfortable but still unwilling to refuse him. “Sure,” she answered. Nodding, Inuyasha hurried upstairs to change into modern clothes. Mrs. Higurashi made her way outside, and had just turned to wait at the top of the shrine steps when she saw Inuyasha vault down from her daughter’s window.
“That was fast,” she observed as he approached, clad in black jeans and a white t-shirt with the red sun of the Japanese flag in the center. He grinned, one fang poking through.
“What did you expect?”
“I didn’t think you’d be so proficient at putting on modern clothing yet,” she replied as they began to walk down the shrine steps. Inuyasha rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, looking slightly embarrassed.
“Well, I may have practiced a few times back when you first got them for me.”
“A few times?”
“Maybe a few dozen.”
Mrs. Higurashi chuckled, the pleasant sound music to Inuyasha’s ears. “Do you like them?”
He shrugged. “They aren’t so bad once you get use to ‘em.”
“I’m glad. They do look good on you,” she declared, giving him a once-over.
“Thanks,” he said, blushing slightly at the compliment. “Hey, Higurashi-san?”
“Yes?”
“Do you think…since Kagome and I’ll be staying here for awhile, and we’re going shopping anyway…do you think we could get some extra—”
“Ramen?” she finished. He nodded eagerly, his earnest expression making him look like a child begging for candy. She sighed, shaking her head with a grin. How was she supposed to refuse those puppy eyes? Good thing I brought my checkbook. “I hope it’s on sale.”
* * *
“Whew! I’m glad you came, Inuyasha. I never would have made it home by myself, even without all that ramen.” Much to her relief, the ramen had been on sale, as had many of the other items she needed. And being the thrifty shopper she was, when sales came around, she liked to stock up on things the family used regularly. The only problem with that was there was only so much she could carry by herself. Inuyasha’s presence took care of that little issue, so she allowed herself to splurge, buying double or even triple of all the sale items that wouldn’t go bad. In retrospect, she had probably gone a little overboard, to the point where people on the street stopped to look at them as they passed, wondering how the young man who didn’t look like he was super strong was toting six full paper bags of groceries down the sidewalk as if they weighed nothing at all. One relatively young woman even asked her what she was feeding him, to which she helplessly answered ‘ramen.’ Hm, maybe Inuyasha could get an endorsement deal with Maruchan. (1) “Ramen noodles made me this strong,” he says as he lifts a car. (2)
She giggled, and Inuyasha quirked an eyebrow at her but didn’t comment. If she was happy, then so was he. He was, however, getting tired of the freezing cold object resting against his forearm, the thin paper bag providing little insulation. Carrying six bags didn’t exactly allow him to juggle them around to make holding them more comfortable. Fortunately, Mrs. Higurashi wasted no time in waving him into the kitchen, telling him to set the bags down on the counter. She immediately started putting the cold foods away, shooing him from the room with orders to go relax and a final ‘thank you’ for the assistance.
He intended to do just that, and the most peaceful place on the grounds right now was probably Kagome’s room. He went upstairs and opened the window to let in some fresh air. Leaning out, he checked the position of the sun; it was still a little while before he had to leave to meet Kagome at her school. Feeling lazy, he settled down on her bed, letting out a pleasured groan at the softness of her mattress against his back. He breathed long and deep of Kagome’s lingering scent, allowing all the tension to bleed from his body. No matter what else was going on in their lives, he always found her scent comforting. And he still couldn’t get over how soft her mattress felt…
* * *
A feminine gasp jolted him from his light slumber some time later. Sitting up and looking around, he spied Kagome in the doorway. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” she apologized. “I was just surprised to find you asleep.”
“Oh, crap! I was supposed to meet you at your school. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to walk me home if you don’t want to,” she replied, her tone hinting at disappointment.
“I do! I just…fell asleep today,” he answered, feeling rather stupid.
Kagome grinned at him. “You go somewhere today?” she asked, pointing toward his body. Looking down, Inuyasha realized that he had never changed out of his modern clothes.
“Uh, yeah, I went shopping with your mom.”
“Oh, that’s right, today is grocery day. Well, that explains all the extra ramen in the cupboard,” she said with a smirk. “That your reward for carrying the bags?”
“And for helping your jiji.”
“Well, he really appreciates it. How’s that going, by the way?”
Inuyasha shrugged. “Fine, I guess. It’s smelly work, but not hard. I still don’t understand why cleaning old shit to look nice makes him so happy.”
“Jii-chan takes a lot of pride in his stuff, kind of like you take pride in your sword.”
“Oh.” When she explained it like that, it made perfect sense. An awkward silence ensued, and Inuyasha felt like he should say something, so he articulated the first thing that came to mind. “How was school?”
Kagome had to do a double take, staring at him as if he had sprouted another head. Frowning, he folded his arms across his chest.
“What?” he snapped.
“I don’t think you’ve ever asked me that before,” she answered, still stunned.
“I never really cared before.”
Kagome chuckled at that and shook her head. Typical, blunt Inuyasha. “School’s fine. I’m slowly catching up with all the material I missed. It was a little easier to pay attention today.”
“Good,” he replied, genuinely glad for her. He still didn’t like how important school was to her, but it was an obligation, and he knew a little something about fulfilling obligations. He would support her decision to continue her education, at least while they weren’t about to go shard hunting in the past. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, and Kagome busied herself unpacking her backpack. Eventually, she decided to just ask the question which had been nibbling at her mind for most of the afternoon.
“So…you up for a run, or are you too tired?” she teased.
“Keh! Even if I was half asleep you couldn’t keep up with me.”
“We’ll see about that, dog boy.”
* * *
The next few days passed in much the same course, with Kagome in class and Inuyasha making himself useful to her mother or grandfather. He met Kagome at school, and they ran together each afternoon. They visited with Miroku and Sango but returned in time for dinner in the modern era. The monk and slayer had quickly settled in and were busy making arrangements to feed their family during the winter. They were two individuals skilled at dealing with youkai, and once word of their availability spread through the area, they were sure their services would be in demand. They also began planting a garden behind their home; Miroku didn’t seem to mind doing what was normally considered women’s work. He would be no use to the village as a farmer, and he wasn’t about to just sit on his duff and watch his wife toil by herself. But even with everything else going on, it was clear from the ever-present smell of fresh sex that they were also enjoying their newfound intimacy. Miroku had already agreed on a system with Kohaku and Shippo; if his staff was lying across the entryway, the children were to stay away. Kohaku was usually busy learning the art of healing from Kaede anyway, and Shippo often sat in on his lessons because he had nothing else to do. Miroku and Sango used this to their advantage, and as a result the staff across the doorway was normally not necessary. All indications pointed to a long, blissful, and productive marriage. Neither hanyou had ever seen the monk or slayer so happy before. They didn’t know it; but their thoughts matched. That should be us.
Friday rolled into Saturday, and both hanyou remained in the present for the duration of the weekend. Kagome had plenty of studying to keep her busy, and the newlyweds were off in a neighboring village driving out a swarm of mouse youkai which had been damaging crops. Souta’s friends returned and engaged Inuyasha in another game, and the hanyou was grateful for the break from monotony. Then, before either of them realized, it was Monday again, and their regular routine reestablished itself. The only unusual event was Sango speaking to Inuyasha again, though not in an especially friendly manner. She didn’t have to threaten to slice his balls off if he ever hurt Kagome again; it was well implied.
And so the days and weeks went by, blending together until neither could be sure exactly how long they had been living in the modern era. Slowly, a sense of normalcy returned to their lives. Inuyasha no longer felt resented on either side of the well, and Kagome felt like a high school student again, which she had mixed feelings about. But there was one thing that didn’t change, much to the dismay of both—their relationship with each other. They continued to sleep and dress separately, and were always careful with their words. They had yet to even kiss, let alone do anything more. It was as if there was an invisible wall between them, allowing them to hear each other but preventing them from getting close enough to touch or really connect. Their eyes, which had once been so clear, were now masked, unreadable. Things weren’t getting any worse, but neither were they improving. They were still stuck in their dreadful limbo, and neither could see a way out. It was frustrating to say the least. Time, which both had hoped would be their redeemer, was not working, and they didn’t know what to fall back on.
* * *
“Alright class, have a nice day. And don’t forget about your test tomorrow.” Kagome’s head, which had been turned so she could gaze longingly at the clock on the wall, snapped back to attention at her teacher’s statement. “T-test?” she stuttered.
“Yes, Higurashi. A test. Tomorrow. I trust you will be ready for it.”
Kagome groaned and put her head in her hands. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap! I totally forgot about it. I should have been studying all week! Now I’ll have to cram and hope I don’t fall asleep during the exam. In MATH, too! Dammit!
“Hey, Kagome,” Yuka said next to her, grinning at her friend’s misery. “We’re going down to the city library to study. You wanna come?”
Kagome’s head shot up, hope shining in her eyes. “Y-you guys really mean it? You’ll let me study with you, even though you’ll probably have to teach me everything?”
“Sure, what are friends for? Besides, if we have to teach you, then it will help us make sure we know it ourselves.”
Kagome sniffled, overcome with relief. “I love you guys!” she exclaimed, leaping up and enfolding them in a group hug.
“Alright, Kagome, chill out,” Eri ordered with a smile. “You’re making a scene!”
“Yeah, and I’m sure you know more than you think.”
“I hope you don’t end up eating those words, Ayumi.”
“The only thing I’m eating is a cheeseburger,” Yuka declared. “You in?” Kagome’s stomach growled audibly, and all the girls laughed. “I guess that answers that question. Come on, let’s go. I’m starved!”
“Okay, just let me call my mom,” Kagome said.
“Here,” Eri replied, handing Kagome her cell phone. “You can do it on the way.”
Still Kagome hesitated. The quickest way to WacDonald’s was the exit at the back of the school, but she had a persistent feeling that she should leave through the front entrance. But why? What was so important?
“Come on, Kagome! It’s supposed to rain soon and I don’t want to get caught in it.”
“Coming!” Kagome answered, quickly packing up her things and hurrying after the three schoolgirls. She brushed off her strange feeling, resolved to focus on studying so she didn’t flunk her test tomorrow. Everything else could take a back seat for the moment.
* * *
Kagome was glad it had stopped pouring by the time she left the library that night, though no amount of precipitation would have been enough to dampen her spirits. Ayumi had been right; she really had known more than she thought. She was going to kick that test’s pompous ass tomorrow, hanyou style! Normally she would be worried about walking home alone this late at night, but her strength and reflexes would be a rude awakening to any mugger thinking he had caught a helpless girl. Her friends all lived in the same section of the city, so they were walking home together, and there was safety in numbers. Three handy bottles of pepper spray helped too. Her friends were perfectly safe, and she was now the mistress of equations. Oh, yeah, it had been a good day. Her good mood lasted until she opened the door to her room and found Inuyasha standing in the center of it, arms crossed and a furious scowl twisting his features. He looked and smelled like wet dog, and though he had probably shaken himself dry outside, his hair still dripped intermittently onto her carpet. With a sinking feeling, Kagome suddenly realized why she had wanted to leave through the main entrance. Oh, no! Why did it have to rain today?
“Oh, Inuyasha, I’m so sorry! Let me go run you a warm bath.”
“Forget it. I don’t need your pity.”
Kagome cringed; Inuyasha was really mad. But for some reason, she didn’t feel like putting up with his petulance today. Her forgetfulness had caused him to stand outside in the rain, but so what? That paled in comparison to some of the things he had done, and never apologized for! She was truly sorry, and he would have to accept her apology and get over it.
“Inuyasha,” she said sternly, “I said I was sorry. I’m trying to make it up to you.”
“You can’t, Kagome. I waited and waited, but you never came. I even went inside the school, but you weren’t there. Then I looked all over the city for you, but I couldn’t track you because of the damn rain! And then I came back here and your mom tells me you’re studying with friends. Are you fucking kidding me?!”
Normally, Kagome mused, she would be touched by his concern, but this time he just came off as unreasonable and overbearing. “Why the hell did you do all that?”
“I thought something happened to you, why else?”
“Inuyasha, don’t be ridiculous! I’m a hanyou, and my time is safe.”
“And you have jewel shards around your neck, which makes you a target. So when you go missing, what am I supposed to think?”
“You’re supposed to think that maybe I just went out with my friends. I do have a life here, you know!”
“Oh, and that means you can just leave paranoid old Inuyasha hanging? He doesn’t matter; let him stand in the rain!”
“I already told you I was sor—”
“Save it. I have better things to do than running around looking for you all day!”
“Oh, yeah? Like what? Planning to go ask to join Kikyou in hell again?” Kagome inhaled sharply, stunned at her own words. Wh-where the hell did that come from? Not from her rational mind, that’s for sure. It didn’t matter; she had said it, and now she had to live with the consequences, which apparently included an even more irate Inuyasha.
“At least Kikyou never stood me up when she was supposed to meet me!”
“Really? That’s not the story I heard!”
Kagome immediately covered her mouth with both hands. Oh, Kami, I can’t believe I just said that! The day of Kikyou’s death had always been a sensitive subject with Inuyasha, and to throw it at him like that was downright despicable. And judging by the mix of hurt and rage on his features, it was far too late to take it back. But she would try anyway.
“Inuyasha, I didn’t mean—”
“Bitch,” he swore, his voice dripping with venom, golden eyes flashing dangerously. Then, without another word, he strode to the window and leapt out into the darkness.
“Inuyasha, wait!” she pleaded, hurrying after him. “INUYASHA!!!” she called out into the night, but there was no response. He was gone, swallowed by the darkness. Kagome slumped against the windowsill, alone. (3)
* * *
Kagome trudged home after school, the bright sunny day taunting her. Inuyasha had yet to return, though she couldn’t blame him. She hadn’t slept a wink last night, and as a result her sleep-deprived and guilt-ridden mind had purged itself of everything it absorbed in the library yesterday. She had completely bombed the test, but couldn’t bring herself to care in the slightest. Her family had surely heard their argument, but bless their hearts they hadn’t said anything to her. Hopefully the same would be true today; she just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep. So she went up to her room, finding it empty despite her hopes that Inuyasha would be there waiting for her. Too disheartened to even turn down the sheets, she flopped onto the bed on her stomach, her head facing the wall. She hoped slumber would grant her a reprieve from her misery, but she wasn’t optimistic. She would probably just end up reliving their argument over and over again in her nightmares. * * *
Inuyasha sat on the school’s rooftop, watching Kagome walk away. She looked as dejected as he felt, and a fresh wave of guilt washed through him. It had taken much of the night for his temper to cool down, but once it did, he realized that he was culpable in this. Well, you did it again, baka. You blew a little thing totally out of proportion and alienated the woman you love. Way to go. Sure, what Kagome said about Kikyou had stung. Badly. But he had started the argument, and he probably deserved it, at least the first thing she said. Her second statement had been a low blow, but she had uttered it in the heat of the moment, and as someone who had similarly eaten their foot many times, he understood that she hadn’t really meant it. The fact that it was true also helped. In his anger, he had reverted back to his old ways, defending Kikyou vehemently and putting her on a pedestal despite evidence of her questionable character. When he was thinking clearly, he knew she didn’t belong up there. She wasn’t perfect; no one was. But in the end, this really wasn’t about Kikyou. The dead miko had just been the direction their argument turned right before it boiled over out of control. What he didn’t know was why the fight had gotten so ugly. There were many possibilities, some of which he didn’t want to think about. He didn’t really care at this point; the most important thing was finding the courage to go apologize to Kagome. The ball was in his court since she had no idea where he was. For once, he couldn’t just sit in the feudal era and pout until Kagome came back and forgave him. It was time to man up and go see her, sooner rather than later.
Resolved, he stood and began walking across the rooftops, only showing any sign of haste when he had to leap across an alleyway. He was going, but his nerves would not permit him to be enthusiastic about it. Finally he spied the shrine in the distance, crowned by the cavern of humility that was the Higurashi residence. At least, that was how it appeared to him right now. He loitered for a few minutes outside the grounds before silently closing the distance and leaping up to Kagome’s window, not wanting to face her family until he had patched things up with her. She wasn’t at her desk as he expected; instead, she was curled up on her bed, facing away from him. He gingerly stepped inside, listening to her deep, even breathing, which confirmed that she was asleep. His eyes softened; if last night for her had been anything like it was for him, she probably hadn’t slept at all. There was no way he was going to wake her up; his apology could wait. Yawning, he settled down in front of the window, leaning back against the wall and propping Tetsusaiga up on his shoulder. He was fairly tired himself. Closing his eyes and breathing in Kagome’s soothing scent, he dozed off.
It was nearly dusk by the time the sounds of her stirring roused him. Kagome sat halfway up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Then she rolled to put her feet on the floor, and spying a blotch of red out of the corner of her eye, did a quick double take and froze. She gaped at him, surprise the only emotion he could read on her features. Her eyes shone with several, but he could not interpret them. It was disturbing, and all the more reason they needed to have a serious conversation this evening.
“I-Inuyasha,” she whispered, the sound of her voice shattering his resolve and building it back up again. Taking a calming breath, he decided to simply say what he came here to say.
“I’m sorry.”
“W-what?” she replied in disbelief. “What are you sorry for?”
“For overreacting. And for calling you a bitch.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that. I should be apologizing to you. What I said about Kikyou was unforgivable!”
“Obviously it wasn’t.”
“B-b-but—”
“Come on, Kagome. I’ve said a lot worse to you and you’ve always forgiven me. I started the argument and I was probably asking for it.”
Kagome opened her mouth to respond in the negative when she heard the faintest rustle through the door. With an exasperated sigh she realized that could only mean one thing—eavesdroppers in the hallway. Her family meant well, but she and Inuyasha really needed privacy for this. Evidently Inuyasha came to the same conclusion.
“Walk with me,” he said, more a plea than an order. He stood and vaulted out the window, and she hurried to follow suit. He grabbed her hand, gently pulling her toward the well house. She hastened her stride to walk beside him, but did not release his hand. They leapt into the well together, emerging to the end of a gorgeous day in the feudal era. Both were happy to find the clearing deserted; their friends would no doubt sense that something was up and they didn’t want to have to answer any questions. Kagome didn’t need Inuyasha to lead her anymore; she knew exactly where they were heading. They remained hand-in-hand as they sauntered over to Goshinboku, the place where they first met, and the scene of many crucial moments in their relationship. There was no better place for a heart to heart discussion. They gazed at the tree in reverence for a few moments before Inuyasha finally turned to face her.
“Now where were we?” he asked, just a hint of annoyance in his tone.
“Um, I think I was just saying that you weren’t ‘asking for’ what I said about Kik—”
“I was so! But I don’t want to have another stupid argument over it. Let’s just say we’re both sorry and we both forgive each other.”
“Okay.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
& #8220;…”
“It seems too easy,” Kagome declared after a short silence. “If it was such a stupid little argument to begin with, why did we explode on each other like that?”
“We haven’t fought like that since before you became a hanyou,” Inuyasha added in agreement.
“Since before that even! The last time I remember us being at each other’s throats over something dumb like that was a few months after I met you.”
“Yeah.”
“So what happened yesterday?”
Neither of them knew for sure. They had vague ideas, but one troubling thought stuck out to both of them. And both so badly wanted to be reassured that it wasn’t true. It was that yearning which finally caused Inuyasha to pose the question they both dreaded.
“Are we breaking up?”
Kagome gasped, surprised that he had given voice to the possibility she feared the most. He said it so desperately, and she felt matching anxiety rise within her. That certainly could end up being the result of all this hardship. They could break up. She shivered, experiencing a sudden chill which had nothing to do with the setting sun. Wordlessly, she closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around his torso. She placed her ear to his heart, listening to its steady beat and allowing it to soothe her. His arms fell around her and clutched her tightly.
“I don’t want to,” Kagome said softly. She felt Inuyasha shake his head vigorously in agreement, and she closed her eyes with a small sigh. At least they were on the same page there. But given that, why couldn’t things get better? What they were doing now clearly wasn’t working, and they needed to figure out a solution before things regressed beyond the point of no return.
“So how can we make sure that doesn’t happen?” Inuyasha asked. It was an interesting question. They had done everything they could, hadn’t they? Spending time together every day, staying with Kagome’s family, avoiding awkward moments. What else could they do? They had already tried everything they could think of, except…except…
“Maybe…talking about our problems?” Kagome proposed, raising her head to gaze up into his eyes. They held no surprise, suggesting that the same thing had occurred to him.
“Okay, so start talking,” he replied, though his tone was beseeching rather than demanding. Kagome didn’t mind, as long as Inuyasha shared his thoughts afterwards. She had faith that he would. But where to start? Inuyasha, I’m tired of being distanced from you, and then I get frustrated and yesterday I lashed out at you because of it. Actually, that sounds pretty good.
“I guess I’ve just been frustrated that we haven’t been able to get closer. I think all that pent-up irritation boiled over on me yesterday when we fought.”
Inuyasha nodded. “I’ve felt the same way. I was so pissed that you left me in the rain yesterday. Even my temper doesn’t usually go crazy like that over something so small. I spent days sitting in the rain when I was younger, when I couldn’t find shelter. It shouldn’t have bothered me so much.”
“You’re right; you usually are a little cooler than that.”
He scoffed, as if to say ‘a little?’ but she ignored him. “And I never bring up Kikyou when we’re arguing…” she trailed off, eyes widening as a memory came to her. “A couple weeks ago, I was talking with my friends at school and they asked about you and your ‘ex.’ Then when I got up, I noticed claw marks in my desk. I forgot about it until now, but I think I know why I did it. I guess I never forgave you for asking to join Kikyou in hell.”
Inuyasha grimaced, breaking eye contact in favor of gazing off into the distance. “I suspected as much.”
“Y-you did?”
“Kagome, you’re the most forgiving person I know, but even you would have trouble letting what I did go. Look how long it took your family and our friends, and I didn’t even do anything to them!”
Kagome shook her head in disbelief. “All this time, I thought you expected me to—”
“I don’t. I understand how hard it is for you. You probably haven’t forgiven me for leaving you in your time in the first place.” Her silence was his answer, and when he glanced down at her she was gazing pensively off to the side. “It’s alright, Kagome. I know you’re trying.”
“I really am trying!” she confirmed, locking eyes with him again. “It’s not like thinking of those things makes my blood boil, at least not anymore. I feel like I’ve put all that behind me, but I guess there’s still a small part of me refusing to move on.” Kagome paused for a moment, watching as Inuyasha digested her words. Then she decided it was time for a role reversal. “Speaking of moving on, it’s your turn to share.”
“M-me?” Inuyasha stuttered, pulling back slightly as if to argue. But he immediately thought better of it, sighing in resignation. Kagome waited patiently for him to gather his thoughts.
“I’ve been on edge lately because it bothered me that things weren’t getting any better,” he said. Kagome felt her brow lower. You already said that, Inuyasha, and you’d better give me something more substantial! “But that’s not the whole reason I was so mad yesterday,” he continued as if reading her mind. “Whenever I think about the way things are now, and the way they used to be, I feel guilty. It’s my fault we’re like this now. It’s my fault we have to ask ourselves if we’re breaking up. It’s all my fault. And yesterday, I was so worried when you disappeared…if something happened to you, that would have been my fault too. I was so disgusted with myself, and when you came back, I took all of it out on you. I’m really sorry.”
She shook off his apology. “I had no idea remorse still affected you so much.”
“How could it not? Every day I’m reminded of my mistakes. When I go to say something to you but choke it back because it would be awkward, when I see how happy Sango and Miroku are together, when we go to sleep separately at night…I can’t forget what I did, not when I constantly live the consequences. It’s almost like…we aren’t even mates anymore.”
Kagome’s eyes widened, but his were closed, so he didn’t see. That exact thought had crossed her mind several times over the past few weeks, especially since she began observing a certain married couple. They had engaged in virtually no physical contact since their reunion at that bigoted village, which was probably why neither of them was willing to release the other now. This long embrace seemed to be doing wonders for their relationship; neither could remember the last time they had been so open with the other.
“Part of the reason for that,” he continued, hesitating, unsure whether to relate this final detail. But they were sharing all their feelings and emotions, and holding something back at this point felt like dishonesty. “I, um, that is, I haven’t been as…attracted to you as I usually am.”
“W-what?!” Kagome responded, utterly shocked.
“I-it’s not because I think you’re ugly or anything,” Inuyasha hastily amended, her reaction having obviously given him the wrong idea.
“Inuyasha.”
“I mean, you’re beautiful, but I just don’t—”
“Inuyasha!”
“What?!” he asked, his ears lowered in shame.
“It’s okay. I understand.”
“Y-you do?”
“Yes, I do. Because I’ve felt the same thing.”
“Oh…good, I guess.”
“No, it’s not good. But at least now I know it isn’t just me, and vice versa.”
Inuyasha nodded and sighed in relief. “I thought there was something wrong with me.”
“There is, but it’s not that,” Kagome teased, the entire exchange having lightened her mood. It took Inuyasha several seconds to realize that she was joking, but when he did, a tentative smile emerged on his features.
“That wasn’t funny, Kagome.”
Kagome frowned, despite their lighthearted banter. There was something off with that statement, something missing… She gasped as she realized what it was.
“Why didn’t you call me ‘wench’ there?”
“Huh?” Inuyasha wondered, totally confused.
“Usually you would say ‘that wasn’t funny, wench.’ Why did you call me by my name instead? Come to think of it, you haven’t called me ‘wench’ in a long time.”
“I guess I haven’t,” Inuyasha replied, his expression turning serious once more. “At first, it was because I didn’t want to upset you. I guess I got into a habit of using your name.”
“Oh,” Kagome responded, wondering if that habit was going to become permanent.
“I won’t go back to ‘wench,’” Inuyasha stated, answering her silent question. “It doesn’t suit you.” He looked away, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand and blushing lightly. “And if we ever do…have children, I wouldn’t want to call you ‘wench’ in front of them.”
Kagome leaned her head against his chest again, beaming brightly. “I’m glad.”
Inuyasha held her close, resting his cheek on her hair. Off to the west the sun was halfway below the tree line, the sky glowing brilliant pink. Struck by sudden inspiration, he pulled back from Kagome and picked her up bridal style, leaping up to his favorite branch of Goshinboku, which had a perfect view of the breathtaking sight. He and Kagome settled against the trunk, her back against his chest, her torso ensconced in his voluminous sleeves.
“Wow,” she declared, amazed by the simple beauty of nature. The bright pink sky was just for them, a blessing and an omen. At least, that was how it seemed to her in that moment. Neither of them spoke again until the last ray of sunlight had disappeared below the horizon, and darkness had settled over the land.
“Think your mom would worry if we don’t come back tonight?” Inuyasha asked.
“Well, seeing as how we’re here because my family was eavesdropping, I think she knows where we are. It’s so nice out here. I’d like to stay.”
“Me too.”
They spent the next several hours like that, speaking occasionally, but mostly just enjoying the sensation of being nestled up to each other. It felt like returning home after a lifetime in a faraway land. But after what seemed a blissful eternity of gazing up at the stars, surrounded by Inuyasha’s warmth, Kagome felt her eyebrows begin to droop. She yawned widely, and before Inuyasha could comment, he followed suit. Kagome giggled; apparently yawning really was contagious.
“Tired?” she teased.
“Keh.”
“Hm, well I’m going to sleep,” she replied, turning over onto her side. It dawned on her that this was the first time since the tragedy that they would sleep together, but it just felt right. Their relationship wasn’t back to normal, not by a long shot, but she was certainly more comfortable with Inuyasha now than she’d been since their reunion. “Goodnight, Inuyasha.”
“G’night.”
Leaning up, Kagome hesitated only a moment before planting a soft kiss on his cheek. Inuyasha’s fingers caught her chin on the way down, drawing her face back up to his. In his eyes she saw nervousness and uncertainty, and she was sure matching emotions shone in hers. Was this the right thing to do? Was it too soon? Should they wait? Aw, to hell with it, they both decided at once, leaning in to meet each other.
It wasn’t much of a kiss, but it didn’t have to be. They both felt a tiny spark of something they hadn’t experienced in weeks, a hint of life to a flame thought long extinguished. Kagome pulled away and settled on Inuyasha’s chest, grinning hopefully. Today they had taken the first step, and tomorrow truly would be a new day. With cheerful minds and contented hearts, they slept. And the miko dreamt…
~~~
There was blackness all around her. But this was comforting darkness, and she felt no fear. There was no ground beneath her feet, so she simply floated, content to let the void take her where it would.
Suddenly she heard a voice, neither male nor female. A child’s voice, laughter, echoing off invisible walls and reaching her ears from all directions. She smiled, unable to resist the joyous quality of the sound. Finally it trailed off until silence once again reigned.
“Hello, Okaa-san,” the voice said.
“Okaa-san?” she repeated, stunned by the ramifications of that word. “B-but that must mean…oh, Kami, you’re the child we lost!”
The child chuckled. “Indeed I am.”
“I’m so, so sorry,” Kagome replied miserably, tears springing to her eyes.
“There is no need to cry, Okaa-san,” the voice answered calmly. “It was my destiny. It was not yet time for your first child to be born.”
“What do you mean?” Kagome wondered, sniffling.
“It is a special child, a child of destiny, one with a Kami-given role to play. Soon the time will come for it to begin its journey.”
“H-how soon?”
“When the time comes, you will know.”
“But I don’t understand! How will I—”
“When the time comes, you will know. Your memory of our meeting will remain here until it is needed. Goodbye, Okaa-san.”
Kagome felt herself fading, leaving this strange shadow world. And as the child foretold, she left her memory of the encounter behind. It would emerge when converging destinies required it to be so. And when that time came, it would be up to the two hanyou what to do with it.
(1) Maruchan is the name of one of the companies that makes ramen. It was the first one I saw when I did a google search, plus it sounds kinda Asian anyway.
(2) I didn’t realize it until now, but I later turned this little phrase into a chapter in another work. See “Inuyasha Sells Out!”
(3) I almost ended the chapter here, but I decided to forego the cliffhanger because the chapter was only about 3,000 words long at that point. You guys are lucky!
A/N – So who knew talking about your problems is often the first step toward fixing them? Do I hear a “DUH?!” But as they say, sometimes the most obvious things are the most difficult to see. The conversation was at least partially inspired by Selina MacCloveror’s last couple reviews, which really encouraged me to explore the ‘talking to each other’ solution. The dream idea was sent to me by Deathmvp, who continues to be a valued source of inspiration. Thanks, you two!
2011 Note – I made a pretty major change to the dream scene. Before, the child said it had returned from the afterlife and was going to be reborn. Now that is not the case. I revised it because I didn’t want to cheapen the loss of the child.
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