InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Miroku's new reason for living ❯ Miroku's new reason for living ( Chapter 1 )

Sango sat at the porch of Kaede's house, waiting. She had waited for a long time now, but he wasn't back yet. She knew well where he was, and what he was doing. She also knew she should be angry.

His child was being born.

She had cried her eyes out when Miroku had left to another town two days earlier, when the mother of his child had sent for him. Actually, they had all been really stunned, and Inuyasha had grabbed Miroku by the collar of his robes and shaken him very badly. He did not stop him. There was a hint of sadness in his eyes that made Inuyasha release him. Kagome and Shippou just looked at him with eyes as big as plates, wondering how that could be true.

Sango remembered clearly how he had tried explaining her about the child, but she had refused to listen, and had closed the shoji in front of him, and yelled that she didn't want to see him again. In the darkness of the room she had cried bitterly, cursing at herself for loving him. She had never told him, but he should at least have guessed about it! It was quite obvious, she thought.

Then she had come to sit on the porch to wait for his return. Kagome had tried to call her in, to eat and so on, but Sango would not leave the spot, and wouldn't sleep either. She would only leave the place when nature called, but otherwise she stayed there.

She knew he would come back married, he could perform the ceremony himself, or have some other monk do it. She didn't want to think about that. But either way she wanted to see him. She wanted to apologize for being rude. After all, he was a father now, and had a family to tend to.

Tiredness was starting to win over her, the dark circles around her red, puffy eyes proved it. She was about to fall into deep slumber when she noticed a figure approaching. She also heard the noise the rings in his staff made as he walked. It had to be him.

Her eyes opened widely and she stared at the figure approaching through the fog. It surprised her it was only one. He was coming back alone.

When he was closer, she realized that he held something in his left arm, and held it quite carefully against his chest. That something started crying the moment his face became visible to her.

"Shh," he said in a gentle tone, "we're here already."

Sango noticed the sad and tired expression on his face. What had happened? Why wasn't his wife with him? But before she could say something, he walked up to her, and sat down by her side.

"I'm back," he announced, and cradled the baby around him, keeping it from the cold.

"Welcome," she whispered so softly that he almost didn't hear it. But he still could notice the cold tone of her voice.

She got up then, and went inside. Leaving him there, with his baby in arms.

He sighed. He knew she was angry at him, and that it would take lots of time for her wounds to heal. He had messed up, and he knew it. He shouldn't have fooled around with that girl. He had sensed something would go wrong if he did, but he had been too depressed at the thought that Sango would marry that prince. . . he just couldn't bear being there, and had gone into town and fooled around with the first girl he met. Now, because of that, he had a child to care for, and Sango wasn't talking to him.

Kagome came out then, and looked at him.

"Miroku-sama!" she said. "Sango-chan went back inside at last, so I assumed you'd be back."

"What do you mean at last?" he asked.

"She sat here since you left, waitin. . ."

"She did?"

"Yes. Is that. . ."

"Yes, that's the child."

Kagome leaned closer to take a look at the now sleeping child.

"Come on in," she said, "let's not keep your child in the cold."

"Hai. Arigatou."

"What is it?"

"A girl."

"Does she. . . have it?"

"No, not yet. She won't have the kazaana until I die and the cursed is passed onto her."

"Ahh, that's good! Then most likely she won't have to suffer from it!"

"Buddha hear your prayers, Kagome-sama."

"Can I. . .?"

"Sure."

Miroku handed her the child and stretched his arms. Then sat down in the corner of the room. Sango was curled up in her blanket at the other end of the room, asleep.

"She fell immediately," Kagome explained. "I guess it was to be expected, she hadn't slept in two days."

"What? Why?"

"I told you, she was in the porch waiting for you all the time!"

"I see. . ."

"She's so cute," Kagome dramatically changed the subject. "She even looks a bit like you. . ."

"She has my eyes. . ."

"Oh, I can't see that, she's sleeping. Does she look anything like the mother?"

"The mouth, I guess. . ."

"Where is she?"

"She's dead."

"WHAT?!"

The child woke and started crying.

"Shh, shh," Kagome whispered. "I'm sorry, baby-chan! So sorry!"

She rocked the child for a while, and then she fell back asleep.

"What do you mean she's dead?" Kagome asked.

"She had problems at childbirth, so she died."

"Oh, hell. . . so now. . ."

"Yes, her family gave the child to me, saying that I should raise it, since I abandoned their daughter when she got pregnant. . ."

"I see. What are you gonna name her?"

"I haven't thought of anything yet."

"Hmm, I'll go to my time tomorrow. . ."

"What for?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'll get some stuff for the baby! She'll be the cutest thing around here!"

Miroku looked at her, impressed.

"Kagome-sama. . . you aren't angry with me?"

"I must say that I am disappointed," she said, looking at him in the eye, with a harsh tone. "I expected more from you. I thought you lo. . ."

"I do."

Kagome blushed.

"Then?"

"I thought she was gonna marry that man. . . so I couldn't help it. I felt so. . . lost! At that moment I didn't know exactly what I was doing, just why I was doing it. It just didn't end in a good way."

"I see. Anyways, I don't hate you or anything. I guess the least I can do is help you with the girl. I don't suspect you know how to care for a child. . ."

"Not really."

"There we go. Hmm, we should get some rest. . ."

"We should."

Kagome handed back the baby to Miroku, and went back to her sleeping bag. Miroku placed the child on his, and lied next to her, keeping a careful distance so he wouldn't roll over and crush her. She was so frail. . . only two days old.

He wondered what they would do. They were still in the fight against Naraku, and bringing a baby into battle was the most stupid thing anyone could think of. Maybe he should talk to Kaede about it, and see if she could help him raise her, or maybe he should. . . marry. . . someone in the village. . .

He slapped himself mentally, he wouldn't want to marry someone off the village, so randomly. He wanted to marry Sango and no one else, but now that he had a child, she most likely wouldn't comply.

He would definitely have to talk to Kaede.

The morning met Miroku quite late, and he was surprised not to find the baby beside him. He looked frantically about the room, but the only person to be seen around was Sango, who was still sleeping. He looked at her for a moment, at her sleeping figure, and noticed the red and black circles around her eyes. She had cried, and hadn't slept in a long time.

He left the hut and found Kagome and Inuyasha sitting with Kaede on the porch of her hut. Kagome was holding his child. He approached them slowly, and greeted them.

"Ohayou gozaimasu," he said.

"Good afternoon," they replied.

"I see this is your child," Kaede said.

"She is. Hmm, I was wondering. . ."

"It's not the best option," Kaede said.

"But. . ."

"I am a miko, I have my tasks, I cannot care for a child all the time. And this one, so young, needs a lot of attention."

"But we cannot bring her with us!"

"We already discussed it," Kagome said, "and we thought that maybe we could bring her to my time. . ."

"To your time. . ."

"Yeah, there she would have everything, and she would grow healthy. . . I talked to my mother this morning, and she said that if you needed help, she would do it."

"We just don't know if she can go through the well. . ." Inuyasha said.

Miroku looked thoughtfully at the floor.

"It would only be for some months, until she is a bit stronger. . . and it would only be done with your consent. . ." Kagome said, noticing the struggle inside Miroku's head.

Somehow he knew it was a good option, and his child wouldn't be in danger, but at the same time, he didn't want to let go. The child was his. She was something that belonged to him, when nothing else did. Nothing. She was all he had.

"I'd bring her once in a while so you could see her," Kagome said, "think of it."

"Yeah, I'll think about it. Can I. . .?"

"Of course, she's your child," Kagome said, handing him the bundle. "I already gave her some milk, and she should have some more in two hours."

"Thank you."

He looked at the girl, who was, again, sleeping, and walked away from the group on the porch.

"It seems it won't be easy for him to let go," Inuyasha said.

"You're right," Kaede said. "Even though he did not want the child, he knows it's his, and wants to keep it."

Miroku had by then arrived to the creek, and sat at the bank. He looked again at his child, and wondered what to do.

"You are all I have," he said to her. "All. I don't want to lose you. But I know that in Kagome-sama's time you'll be good. You'll have a mother to care for you, and Naraku won't attack you. Of course I will defeat Naraku, now I want to do it more than ever. What should I do?"

The girl slept on, and a smile crept to his face. How he liked his child. His heart would twist just to think of her. He had only felt something remotely similar when thinking of Sango, but it was a different kind of twist. They were both strong, but this on was. . . he couldn't explain it.

"Will you forgive me if I send you away? Will you recognize me when you come back? Will you ever call me. . . father?"

He got goose bumps just thinking about it. This baby would eventually call him father.

"I promise you, by my love for Sango, that I will kill Naraku. I won't let the curse be passed onto you. You won't live the life I've lived."

He stayed there for the whole afternoon. Kagome brought him milk for the child twice, every four hours, and when it was already getting cold, he decided to go back. He knew he would have to face Sango.

Just as if he had predicted it, she was sitting by the fire the moment he approached the hut.

"Is it time for milk again?" Miroku asked.

"Not yet," Kagome said, "she just ate."

He sat down on the ground as well, and noticed Sango's eyes on him. They weren't flaming, but he could sense that she somehow felt betrayed.

"Have you decided?" Inuyasha asked.

"Yes."

Sango looked at him, and so did the rest.

"So? What did you decide?"

"Kagome-sama's idea is the best option, but I would like to spend some days with her, before we have to part."

"Good decision, houshi-sama," Kaede said. "I'm sorry I cannot help you."

"It's okay," he said, crestfallen. "I know I cannot take her with me anyways, and leaving her here would be practically the same as sending her somewhere else. I wouldn't be able to see her often, as we travel so much."

Three hours later Miroku was sitting at the porch, with a crying girl in his arms. Yes, she was hungry. He was trying to prepare the milk as Kagome had taught him, so he had to wait for it to heat up a bit, before he could give it to his daughter. Finally, he was satisfied with the temperature and held the strange bottle to his daughter's lips, and she started drinking. He looked tenderly at her, not wanting to think of the moment he would have to say goodbye. It would be in three days, and he still didn't have a name for her.

He sighed. . . he would have to find one soon.

The next two days, he refused Kagome's offers to feed the child at night, as he was constantly awake and missing sleep, but he rejected, saying he wanted to do it while he could. He wanted to at least do something for her, before they had to part. It hurt just to think of parting.

The last of his nights with her she found himself pondering about the name yet again. He had thought of Sango many times, but he was sure she wouldn't be so happy about it, and had discarded it. He wanted something simple, but sounding nice at the same time. Something that meant something beautiful.

Kirara purred at his side.

`Kirara. . . that's a nice name, too.'

He remembered all too clearly the day his father had shown him a piece of rock that was shiny, soft and he could separate easily into thin sheets. It was black. His father had said it was mica, also called kirara. He had liked it so much. But naming his child Kirara would probably upset Sango, too. So Kirara was discarded as well.

He thought of beautiful things, and the thing that caught his attention the most was flowers, a kind in particular. One that grew in his garden when he was little. They were orchids.

"Ran. . ." he said softly, and his daughter blinked. Surprised, he repeated the name, but nothing happened. "So, do you like it or not?"

Kirara purred.

"Ran. . . I should name you Ran. . . I don't know any Rans. . . It's such a nice name actually. . . Ran."

He sighed. In the morning he would have to say goodbye. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. Sooner than he realized, he was asleep.

It was some time later that he realized what was going on. It was bright in the morning, and Ran slept in his arms, without crying. He looked around frantically, he had forgotten to feed her! She should be hungry by now! How come she hadn't cried three hours later? How come! He would have woken up and given her the milk. . . could it be that she wasn't okay?? But she was sleeping, and didn't look any ill, nor any sad.

Only then did he realize there was an empty bottle of milk beside him, alongside the one he had given her earlier.

`Maybe I didn't realize it. . . or maybe Kagome-sama did it. . .'

Kagome was inside the hut, preparing her backpack, talking to Inuyasha, Kaede, Sango and Shippou.

"I'll be back soon, it won't take so long. I will just help mother find things for the baby and come back so we can go on traveling again."

"I wish I could go with you," Shippou said. "I would like to see what it's like over there."

"I know, Shippou-chan, but I don't know how to make you cross the barrier."

"Yeah, sad."

They stepped out of the hut and looked at Miroku, who was holding his child against his chest.

"It's time, Miroku-sama," Kagome said.

"I know."

"Let's go to the well, bring her yourself."

"Hai."

He stood up and then followed Kagome and Inuyasha to the well. He dreaded the moment he would have to let go. He had grown too fond of his child already. He could kill for her already. He WOULD kill. Naraku was his target, and he wouldn't let him get away. No, he had a child to think of now.

Inuyasha was holding Kagome's backpack, and Kagome was looking at Miroku, waiting, but giving him all the time of the world.

"I'll bring her to you next time we stop here, Miroku sama."

"Hai."

Kagome placed around her a shard of the jewel, and then took her from Miroku's arms.

"Be good, Ran-chan," Miroku whispered.

"Ran-chan?" Kagome asked. "You gave her a name already?"

"Yes."

"It's a nice name."

"Arigatou."

Kagome smiled at him and jumped in the well, Inuyasha behind her. He stared at the well for a long time, until he decided to go back to Kaede's hut. He didn't want to, he felt as if part of his heart had left him. It was worse than losing a limb.

He reached the hut a while after, and found Sango sitting on the porch with Shippou.

"Are they gone?" Shippou asked.

"Yes," he said in a pained voice, and sat down beside him, not looking at anybody, just straight ahead.

"Houshi-sama. . ." Sango said. "Last night you. . . you didn't wake up when your daughter started crying."

"Huh? She cried?"

"She did, and boy, wasn't it loud!"

"I heard, too," Shippou said.

"So, Kagome-sama came out and fed her, right? I should give her my thanks."

"No, Kagome-chan did not feed your daughter. It was me."

"You?" he looked at her, astonished.

"Hey, she was crying, and you weren't moving! So I thought, not only is he irresponsible and goes around having kids with random girls, but he also doesn't wake up when his daughter cries. It didn't seem like a good idea to leave her screaming, or the whole village would wake up, so I fed her."

"Thank you," he said, pained at all she had said. But he knew it was true, he had been irresponsible and had the child. But now, it didn't matter anymore. He loved Sango, but now there was someone more important in his life.

He was quiet for the next two days, while Kagome and Inuyasha were gone. He hardly ate anything, and slept little too.

Then they returned, and Inuyasha announced it was time to start traveling again. He didn't find the idea as pleasing as holding his child, but he knew it was for her sake that he was doing this, so he promised himself, and her, he would do his best and defeat Naraku as soon as possible.

Battle after battle followed, and his air void ripped a bit more, and he feared the worst. That made them go back to Kaede's village, and Kagome rushed back to her time to bring the girl back. It had been five months by now, and Miroku had seen her only three times. By the time Kagome arrived back, Miroku had a high fever, and was unconscious. Kaede had given him medicine, and Mushin-sama had showed up to fix the air void as much as he could.

"He doesn't have much time left," he had stated, and that had depressed everyone.

One night, Kagome sat by the fire, with Ran on her lap. The girl was so big, and pretty, and smiled a lot to everyone. Sango usually remained in the corner, not coming closer than necessary, either to Miroku or Ran.

Kagome noticed Inuyasha was restless.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Do you feel something strange?"

She thought for a moment.

"I feel Shikon shards."

"Naraku is close."

"What?" Sango stood up, and immediately changed into her taiji-ya cat suit, Hiraikotsu in hand.

They gathered outside, after Kagome had placed Ran by Miroku, who now slept.

"Should we wake him up?" Shippou asked.

"I don't know," Inuyasha said. "He'd probably use his air void, and that would just kill him."

"Don't leave me out of this when Naraku is involved," Miroku said, approaching them. They noticed he didn't walk very well, and was being supported by his staff. "I promised Ran I would defeat him, and if this is the night to do it, then so be it."

Naraku made his appearance soon after, and they combined forces against him. He was a lot stronger. Miroku being weak reduced their power by a lot, and they would have to do the impossible to survive. They were struggling so much that they didn't realize until late that Naraku was aiming towards Kaede's hut.

"I haven't played enough with that monk's heart yet. . . I guess I should just kill that child of his. . ."

"How did he know?!" Kagome screamed.

"No!" Miroku screamed. "Don't hurt her! Kill me if you want, but don't hurt my daughter!"

"Hmhmhmhm, and you think I'll listen to your stupid plea?"

Inuyasha studied the situation carefully in a matter of seconds. He approached Miroku and told him:

"When he strikes, we have to attack him, it's our only chance."

"But Ran. . ."

"Attack!"

Inuyasha took out Tetsusaiga and aimed at Naraku. Miroku could only see how Naraku blew something to the hut, and it exploded.

"NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" he attacked Naraku as well, and Hiraikotsu joined their attacks, along with a purifying arrow from Kagome. Even the fox-fire from Shippou was there.

Miroku fell to the ground on his knees, leaning forward, and cried hard. The air void in his hand was gone, he could tell, for he felt fine in terms of health. But he was completely destroyed. He slammed his fists to the ground and cried bitterly.

"I shouldn't have asked you to bring her!" he said, not looking at Kagome. "I should have been smarter, and know that Naraku would find out about her, and kill her. . . I should have known!"

Kagome tried to wrap an arm around him, but he pushed her away. Admitting defeat, she stood by Inuyasha, who, even though they had finally defeated Naraku, couldn't be happy, seeing the pain his friend was going through.

"Where's Sango-chan?" Kagome asked.

"I don't know," Inuyasha said. "Her Hiraikotsu must have gone back to her, so we should go see."

"Yes. I hope she's fine."

They didn't need to go check, for then Sango walked up to them, holding Hiraikotsu in front of her.

Inuyasha smirked.

"Why are you smiling?" Kagome asked.

He ran to Sango and took Hiraikotsu from her, throwing it to the ground.

Kagome screamed.

"You. . . you. . ."

Her face was burned a bit, as well as her arms. Her cat suit was a complete mess, all torn and dirty. But the bundle in his hands seemed to be fine.

"How can that be?!" Kagome screamed and ran to Sango. "Ran-chan. . . Miroku-sama! Look!"

But he didn't want to look, he wasn't even listening.

"Go," Inuyasha motioned to Sango.

She nodded, and walked to where Miroku was. She knelt in front of him, but he didn't open his eyes. Tears flowing from his eyes quite strongly.

She sat Ran on the ground in front of Miroku, and the girl stretched her arms to him.

"Look," Sango said softly.

"I don't want to see anything!"

"Yes, you do."

"I don't! I lost her. . ."

"You didn't."

"Naraku killed her. . . I couldn't save her. . ."

"But I did."

Her voice was soft and gentle, the way he hadn't heard it in a long time. It gave him the courage to open his eyes and look at her. She was kneeling in front of him, smiling.

"How can you smile. . .?"

She looked down, pointedly, and he followed her eyes, then met Ran's.

"Wha. . .?!"

He blinked, then pressed his eyes closed hard, and opened them again. Ran was smiling at him, her arms still stretched out.

He picked her up and held her delicately at first, as if making sure she was real. Then, he added a bit more strength and cried.

"You're alive!"

Sango stood up and walked over to Kagome.

"We should get those wounds cleaned," Kagome said.

"Yeah."

Miroku looked at them, and only then did he notice the state in which Sango was. He saw the awful cuts on her body, and the burns all over. He then looked at Ran, who was completely fine. He stood up and ran towards Sango, standing in front of her.

"Thank you," he said. "You don't know what this means to me."

"She means the world to you, that much I know," she answered. "I knew you wouldn't be able to make it on time, so I ran there when Naraku launched his attack, and managed to get her out and throw Hiraikotsu. You have her back now, and the curse is gone, so you can dedicate your life to her."

"Hai."

The last words she said them in a sad tone, and then let herself be led away by Kagome.

The severe burns Sango had on her face were cleaned and bandaged. But Kaede couldn't promise full recovery, she would probably have the marks left. The other wounds in her body would heal, but some scars would remain.

"Not that it matters," she said. "I have plenty already, so anymore won't make any difference."

"Don't talk like that," Kagome said.

"Once the wounds heal, I will leave, I want to find Kohaku."

"Inuyasha went looking for him," Kagome said.

"Really? I appreciate it."

"You should rest."

"Hai."

Sango lied down on the futon on her right side. The numerous burns on the rest of her body allowed her no other position.

"Kagome-chan. . ." she said after a while.

"Hai?"

"Do you think there is still place for me?"

"Where?"

"In his life."

"Why shouldn't there be?"

"He's got all he could ever desire."

Kagome looked to the floor. True, Miroku had loved Sango madly, but now he had a child, and ever since he hadn't groped her anymore, nor spent nice times with her. It was almost as if his love for her had vanished with the arrival of Ran. But she shouldn't interfere this time. They should clarify things between themselves.

"Why don't you talk to him?"

"I'm afraid."

"Why?"

"Coz I know he won't want me."

"Why shouldn't he?"

"I was mean to him when Ran was born, and now. . . look at me. . . I have more scars in my body than all of you together."

"But you have them because you risked your life to save another! They are not something ugly!"

"My face will be uglier now, than it was before. So far I had no scars on my face."

Kagome looked at her seriously.

"Do you regret what you did?"

"No, not at all."

"Then? Don't worry about it."

The bandages were removed a week later, and, in fact, there were some scars on her face, the biggest one a burn just below her left eye and on her cheek. She stared at herself for a long time in the water, and cried softly.

`He will never want me now.'

She went out of the creek and got dressed, but didn't go back, instead, she remained there, staring into nothing.

Miroku came then, with Ran, and sat next to her.

"I never got the chance to properly thank you," he said. "I think what you did was very brave, taking into consideration it was my child the one in danger. You got all those injuries and scars because of my inability and my irresponsibility. I apologize for that."

"Don't. I chose to do it, it's my fault."

"Fault? I wouldn't call it fault. It was a noble act. It was the act that saved my life. I guess I was just about to go crazy, or kill myself. . . I thought of that. But then you brought Ran back to me."

"I did what I had to do."

"I thought you didn't like Ran."

"What's there not to like? She's a lovely child."

"Thank you."

They were silent for a moment.

"Sango, I know you are angry at me, for bearing a child and everything, but I want to tell you why I did it. I never got the chance to do so."

"You don't have to tell me, you know?"

"I do want you to know. It was then, when you were supposed to marry that prince. . . remember?"

"Hai."

"I thought. . . I thought you were really going to marry him, and I lost my head. I went to the town, and met Ran's mother. It was all very fast, and when I realized, we were in bed. I felt so happy when it turned out that you wouldn't be marrying, and I felt so stupid for what I had done. I didn't know she carried child until I was called for when Ran was born."

"You had a child because of me? Why that?"

"I told you! I thought you were gonna marry him, and I didn't want you to. I always hoped that when all this was over you'd marry me. But there you were, walking behind him obediently as a wife, and I felt destroyed."

Sango blushed, and stared at him in disbelief.

"You. . . you hoped I'd marry you?"

"Yes. I understand that now it's impossible, for I have a child, and you'd never marry me because of that. . ."

"You still want me to marry you?" she was almost out of breath.

"Yes."

Sango started crying.

"But I'm so. . . ugly! So scarred!"

"I couldn't care less."

"Miroku. . ."

His eyes widened, and he threw his arms around her, but making sure Ran wasn't falling down.

"I do want you to marry me, I do want to spend the rest of my life with you. I do want you to help me raise Ran, if you want, and all of our children."

Sango cried louder.

"Will you?" he asked.

Sango nodded into his embrace, and he held her tighter. Then, he kissed her, and she melted into him.

He then picked Ran and looked at her.

"Did you see that, Ran? She said yes! She will be your mom!"

Ran giggled, and moved her arms.

Sango raised her arms and took the child from Miroku. She held her close to her heart and then passed an arm around Miroku.

"I always wanted her to be mine," she confessed.

"So did I."

"Now she is."

"When do you want to get married?"

"When Kohaku comes back."

"Sounds fair, Inuyasha should come back soon."

And so it was. Even though it was a painful process for Kohaku, having to remember all he had done while being controlled by Naraku, but he was able to live through it, and participated joyfully in his sister's wedding. He held Ran in his arms as Miroku and Sango were blessed by another monk.

"There was a place in his heart for her, after all," Kagome told Inuyasha.

"Why shouldn't there be?" he asked, confused.

"That's what I told her."

Inuyasha discreetly passed an arm around Kagome's body, and she leaned into his embrace, sighing contentedly.

Yeah, this was definitely a happy end for the battle against Naraku.

The end.