InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Mirror to My Soul ❯ Her love ( Chapter 1 )

Mirror to My Soul

 

Notes: this is the companion piece to „Human puppet“. The other side of the game if you want
to see it this way. I recommend you read human puppet first, or after this one, the order isn't important
but you have to read em both to see the complete story. Some may ask me now why I could not put it into
one story but posted it separately as two one-shots. Well, one was the mind of Rin; the other was the
mind of Sesshomarou… It wouldn't look right if they would be in the same story for both are awfully
complicated and very unique in their own way. Simply review please; I would love to know what you
think of the Characterisation I made up for both. And don't say my grammar sucks, the use of it for Rin
and a couple of other things are meant as symbol of how much he tries to distance himself.

++++

 

She's a filthy little human, so dull and almost senile in her innocence that it hurts me. It hurts me to care
about a vermin like her so much to even fight for her - No, I am using the wrong word for it - she's my
possession, nobody scratches or damages something I, the great Sesshomarou have taken in my
possession.

 

I can't stand the smell of her blood or the taste of her tears. They are uncomfortable and so human, weak
and burning in my nose. Right from the first day I knew her it burned inside my guts to smell her.

 

As she came to me in the woods and offered me something to eat, although I, Sesshomarou would never
eat of a human's hand. It's like submitting to them, feeding of their hand like a mere pet depending on its
master's likes and dislikes. She didn't care and as I smelt her blood I tried to not care as well, but the acid
of her blood was too much for me to take.

 

I healed her with the useless sword my father gave me and held her for a second in my remaining arm.
`How can a human be so fragile? How can this race of rats still survive so many things… ?' I asked
myself, feeling almost something like pity for it; the little girl that followed me from now on.

 

I grew possessive about her too quickly for my liking; I never liked feeling this way over a human. A
human and those dirty feelings had been the downfall of my Father. All because of my stupid half-brother
and those feelings my father felt.

 

Feelings are like a disease, spreading where you don't want to have them. I felt - a shame to admit it to
myself- I felt too much over the years. Rescued her on countless occasions from death and even was - I
won't say rescued - from her in a way I don't understand.

 

This little disgusting thing had stolen its way into my heart. And with time I could not be without her
anymore, never felt good without her being close. The day she asked me if I would remember her once
she was dead was giving me the rest in some way.

 

Me, the great lord of the west was trembling for a moment.

 

Trembling in something unknown, fear I suppose, to loose this human one day. Watching her grow old
and dry till she would die in not more than 50 or - if she was lucky- 60 years. So short, like a blink of the
eye for a demon; my father turned 2000 years of age before he fell to the charms of a human. He had
fought in the beginning, he saw the gods walking the world a long time ago as he was still young. Still he
had fallen to this human woman. I never would understand him, never.

 

The thought was bitter, more than bitter.

 

And grew worse with every time she touched me, hugged me, went running behind me. I gave in to this
feelings to easily and to soon, only to hate me for it later. I hated her body for growing up, hater her soul
for still being so innocent and so intelligent at the same time. No she didn't look intelligent for the eyes of
the others for them she still is a worm that belonged back into the dirt, but she's so faithful and strong,
harder than ever a woman I met was. I grew attached to her, like a pet or something.

 

Yes a Pet is the right word for it.

 

I tried to push these thoughts of mine away behind the need I felt. I got myself a couple of concubines,
using them more than ever before. From the day I first brought Rin back into my castle up to tonight I
never spend one night in my bed alone… I could not stand her smell. It made me angry and I had to get
rid of this energy, drowning in the fact that I was master about those bitches, my command was to which
they obeyed.

 

Till this fateful day a couple of years back as her acid smell grew worse, worse than I ever remembered
her stench. I could not stand her being near anymore, not knowing what I would do if she would stay
close; I actually feared I could hurt her. I THE GREAT LORD FELT FEAR!

 

I the great Lord wasn't allowed to let my guard down - failures of my father should not repeat itself. I
was better than him, had more power than he ever possessed in his live, more people bowed before me
than he ever saw on his court. I won against my father's fate, I won against the clan of my mother as they
wanted to snatch away my land and I won against my need.

 

But I could not win against my heart.

 

I could not send her away and ban her from my lands for her smell. She looked so lost, innocent and
broken. My always faithful little ward Rin, but I had to be strong.

 

I am not weak.

 

I am Lord Sesshomarou, great Lord of the western lands.

 

Everybody trembles in fear if he hears of me.

 

Expect for her.

 

She stayed the good being she was -my intelligent little girl- and hid away from me when this stench
burned in my lungs. Hid away in the far corner of my concubine's chambers… where I never would think
of her again. I used he bitches even more one, two, three in one night… I could not stand it anymore.

 

Years past like this.

 

Years in which I counted days and hoped she would die sooner so she was gone.

 

I could not wait these 50 years to pass.

 

They were not only a blink of the eye for me. They felt like an endless stream of days and nights. Dull,
meaningless sex with pale porcelain puppets which bowed to my will, but the only puppet I wanted was a
human that probably hated me by now. I hated me as well; strangely enough not for stopping to attack my
brother or getting my arm back from his human miko friend but mainly for the way I treated Rin.

 

I became the old ice cold self again - at least for a while- but the joy of torturing and killing wasn't there
anymore. I killed and woke them, tortured them and woke them once more and it didn't satisfy me once. I
spent two weeks torturing a rapist who had almost ruined the live of one of my General's daughters last
summer, waking him, skinning him, ripping him to shreds, waking him - the court was coloured red by
the end of my punishment. But it brought nothing but a short satisfaction - only the sure feeling that Rin
hated me now even more.

 

She had seen me over and over in blood from my victim and it wasn't fear she radiated it merely was
disgust.

 

I asked Jaken how Rin was. He said she was fine, as fine as a human woman could be. And still, I
couldn't see her as a mere human. I never saw her as a mere human and this pains me even more.

 

Her birthday came once more. A date I marked every year. Not that she would have really known her real
birthday to begin with, it was the birthday I gave her. Every human had a birthday, so she had the right to
have one too. She had been barely two years with me as she had asked me if I allowed her to have a
birthday too… because a human would need a birthday. So I guessed how old she was - not very
precisely for I have no clue about human habits of growing older, not much more as it came with the time
I spend with travelling through a human polluted world anyway- and picked the day I woke her.

 

I don't know exactly why I picked this day. Or why I had played along with my little Rin.

 

But I picked a gift for her.

 

Or rather the gift picked me.

 

The merchant came through my lands on one of my travels, spread his belongings to my eyes and there it
was; a little silver mirror with red flowers around it. I saw myself in the mirror and it hit me like a
lightning.

 

I didn't look the same to my eyes. Something - someone was missing. I took the mirror and studied
myself, making the merchant crawl in the dirt with a stare as he tried to babble some unnecessary shit. As
if I would need to care how much something would cost me, I had too much money to care for it.

 

At least one being I still had control over, even if I lost the control over myself there. I saw Rin running
behind me, covering for protection behind me, trusting me, loving me. Smiling and giggling like the little
star she was.

 

“Rin…” I whispered and the merchant twitched.

 

My live hadn't been complete without her.

 

Even the concubines could not help it. The acid burning in my lungs was need which I could not satisfy
with anything but her. This I saw in this little mirror.

 

A mirror.

 

She should see how I saw her.

 

I carried it home and laid it down in my chambers. Staring at it for a long time till I could not stand it
anymore. I was not this weak, I was a Lord… A DEMON LORD! We weren't supposed to love human
beings. Did I really love her? Could I love at all?

 

No, demons don't love.

 

They kill, conquer and posses, they never love. My mother didn't love me, my father could not love me
and I won't love anyone either. But…

 

I do love her.

 

This weakness turned me so damn angry that I slammed the mirror into a corner and called for my
concubine. Ito, a stupid bitch -with more to fill the front of her Kimono than she had brain in her head-
but she was good enough to pound away and leave the smell of Rin behind. So I did her, till she barely
could move on the other day. At least I think so; I couldn't stay in the same room with her afterwards and
took a long wall around my woods.

 

I went down into my study as the next morning dawned and went to stare at scrolls piling up there. Some
of them where still from my father, left behind many years ago along with the sour taste of his defeat.

 

Would I repeat his failures if I followed my heart?

 

It rained and I merely stared into the grey daylight outside, colouring the green roofs black and the fine
wooden walls dark from the wetness. His guards walked along their paths and the servants sneaked
around. It was silent, nobody dare to make a sound - Rin never had cared for it - with her it had never
been this lifeless here.

 

She screamed all of sudden and I went running. Not thinking, only acting on my instinct to protect her. I
actually worried that those prayers for her early death now came to hunt me. I actually feared that this
may have been my punishment for falling to my father's fate, only to find her beaten by this dump toy I
called concubine. She screamed that Rin was a thief, that she had stolen a mirror that was meant for the
noble demon concubine, waving a silver mirror in her hands.

 

There was the mirror I had thrown away.

 

And I looked at Rin, felt her fear and heard her wails, but one look from me and she tried hard to control
herself and stop her tears. I growled her to stop Ito before she could hit my girl once more and send Jaken
to care for poor Rin, whilst I ordered Ito to follow me into my study. Once there I growled at her ripping
the mirror from her hands and threw her to the ground. Ready to strike - the mirror in one hand my sword
in the other.

 

And there I gave in to my own truth. Years back I simply would have killed the bitch for taking
something out of my chambers and I still killed my foes and those who deserved it but they scarcely
remained dead in the end. I looked into the mirror and found myself facing little Rin looking up at me to
beg not to kill Ito. Of course Rin wasn't there and I didn't really see her but I knew she would have asked
me to let the woman remain alive.

 

I did anything for my beloved little Rin, anything she asked me to do.

 

And thank the gods it wasn't to late yet to do the right thing even if it meant falling to my father's fate -
history would not repeat itself with me. I am stronger than my father ever was one look on me and they
fall to the ground begging for their lives. Nobody would dare to face him, nobody would dare to threat his
wife's live as long as he would be with her and if it only where 50 years.

 

I understood now what the mirror meant; it wasn't a birthday gift… it was a gift for my future wife, a
sign of our engagement and all because this little mirror had shown me my soul, my little Rin.

 

I send Ito away, ordered her to be killed in the morning and called for Jaken he should bring Rin to me
but he only told me that the girl was gone. I stared at him for a long moment and went up to find my girl
before she would turn sick in this Rain.

 

Sickness was a common thing for humans to die off and if there was anything in this world I never
wanted to witness than my little Rin being this weak. I could track her down easily, even in the raging
rainstorm - her smell never failed to lure me to her. I found her laying in the dirt - probably fallen in the
hurry to get away from the castle - for whatever reason she did so.

 

“Rin…” I called her and helped her up. She knew what I wanted to ask, I never needed to babble with her
like with most of my curt till they got what I wanted.

 

“I am sorry Lord...” She gives back and falls to her knees. She looked so defeated that I wondered what
had happened to her than I noticed for the first time that I never heard her using my name since I send her
away. Of course she had called me by my title but never by my name - did she hate me so much? I
stepped back from her and studied her pale, wet form in the rain.

 

“Why have you left the castle in this rain…?” `You could get sick…' Did she really felt so much urgency
to leave me? Of course she did - she wanted to get away from me and I tried to stop her once again,
treating her like my possession.

 

“I am sorry Lord I should have stayed and faced my punishment…” She says and it almost vanishes in
the thunder which cracks the sky open above us. Memories of my little Rin running to me in fear about a
mere storm came back to my head adding a lot of unwanted feelings to my confusion. Why should I
punish her? If there was someone to punish than it was me for changing her so much with my ignorance
and fear. So I did something I never had done for anyone in the last years - I got to my knees before her.

 

“Why do you think I would punish you…?” I ask her as softly as I can and reach for her chin, lifting it to
make her look at me. “Have you done anything that would make me punish you?”

 

“Didn't your concubine tell you what I did?” She gives back and it makes me smile in some way. This
answer sounded more like my little Rin - and explained a lot of her behaviour. “I am a thief… and
thieves die by your hangman's hands…” It amused me how she could think of me still being as cold and
heartless with her. Probably she thinks so since I send her away, but I will change this now.

 

I will set things right and repair the damage I did.

 

“There is an execution this morning… for the thief that stole a precious gift that I meant to give my future
wife for her birthday next week…” I explained and she sighed, probably signing herself to death. “But
this thief isn't you Rin…” Now she is confused.

 

“Not me? But…Ito…”

 

“The thief was Ito… the faithless bitch stole it from my room…” I told her and swallowed the anger
which grew for the bitch who had caused this trouble. I would send her and her companions off as soon
as I could. From now on no other woman than my Rin will be with me.

 

I pulled her up to her weak legs, scooting her into my arms. The weather seemingly catches up on
humans to easily, but I will make sure she's save from now on. She would turn my wife, mother of my
children and Lady of my lands. I was the Lord, what I said happened. Nobody would dare to question me.
“It was meant for you…”

 

I think she needed a while to understand fully what happened after this night. Our first night together -
the first of many nights and hours that followed. I send Ito away along with most of my concubines,
married Rin and made her mother of my children. Children as beautiful and intelligent as her and as
strong as me - I am proud of each of my little Hanyou children and will protect them with my live.

 

I don't think I repeat my father's fate.

 

But I can understand him now. He hunted for love and found it in Inuyasha's mother - I hated her and
Inuyasha for taking him away from me but now I know I was wrong with this. He wasn't weak… he was
stronger than I thought - facing the short lifetime of a human mate.

 

Only the time with Rin can fulfil me and make me complete and I don't want to think of what happens
once she's gone.

 

But I have her now and pray for her to live a long live.

 

I love her now and loved her ever since I met her.

 

Even if it will only last for 50 or 60 years.

 

I love her.