InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Mistakes ❯ Somewhere i belong ( Chapter 4 )

~<>~ Mistakes ~<>~

 

Lincoln Park- Somewhere I belong. ©

 

(warning: I have a little acidic content to this chapter {it will not be in detail, after all this is only R} but I also refer to later episodes of InuYasha, especially the one episode that screams the truth of Kag/Inu's relationship…its episode 101 I think….the one with the seven assassins...and Kag nearly dies…)

 

Chapter 4

 

 

When this began
I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me

Kagome blinked away the sunlight as the walked slowly down 6th Ave around noon. She sighed as she watched people walk about her, hand in hand, making those eyes at each other. She missed that look…the look of knowing you're in love…the look of knowing that you're safe, that you're cared about, that you're protected. She missed being able to communicate nonverbally with a person she was sure she wanted to spend her life with. She missed knowing that she would give everything up in a heartbeat if he only asked her to. She missed having someone to protect her. She missed InuYasha with all of her heart. Though within the last few weeks she had been unable to break down like she used to. `Maybe because I've been celibate for this long…maybe because I haven't sold my soul for a quick fix in a few weeks.'

That was another thing that bothered her. She knew she would go home with men at night, after an evening of drinking and flirting, but when she woke up in the morning, her door was always locked and her man candy was gone. `How do they get out while locking the door.' she had held onto the hope that Kouga was watching out for her, and it made sense…and it made her mad. She had tried to catch him a couple nights but ended up in conversation with the guy watching Bon Jovi's apartment instead. The guy seemed nice even though she hadn't seen is face since that one day. She had thought for a time that it was Kouga but the way he talked, the way he acted…no, he was not Kouga. She had invited the man one night into her apartment but oddly enough he had excused himself and ended the conversation there. He was something different…someone different. She had met all sorts of men in the city yet they were all the same in one aspect; they all wanted one thing at the end of the night. They bought her drinks, made her laugh however callous it may have been, danced with her while letting their hands wander, then bought them a cab to go back to her apartment. This guy though…he didn't want to follow her to her apartment, he didn't want to drink with her…hell, and he wouldn't jump off his balcony again to see her. She was quietly disappointed when the mystery man rejected her but it only urged her on further. Maybe he was the reason she didn't strive to put out for other men.

Walking down the cement sidewalk, she felt a small smile tug at he lips. `good things are worth waiting for. Maybe…just maybe this guy is what I need…' she smiled and ducked into a store on the Avenue of the Americas to do some shopping. That always cheered her up.

 

I was confused
And I'd let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind

 

InuYasha heard the door slam to his office and he blinked groggily. He sighed and lifted his head from the oak desk and blinked again, his eyes trying to focus on the sight in front of him. There was a blob of white and black walking towards him, holding something that did not look too pleasant. He pulled back fast enough to avoid his head being pounded into a pancake by a giant red dictionary, which was slammed onto his desk by his seemingly infuriated brother. InuYasha rubbed his eyes and glared about his office, “what are you doing in my room, bastard?”

Sesshoumaru blinked then put both hands on the younger boy's desk and leaned forward towards InuYasha. “This is my building, baka, and you are my employee. If you were not my younger brother, I would fire you.”

InuYasha ran a hand over his face, staring about the room in complete disarray. “That doesn't answer my question of why you're in my bedroom.”

Sesshoumaru sighed loudly then sat down on the corner of Inuyasha's desk. “No, but your impudence answers some of my more prominent questions. Tell me, baka, how long were you out last night guarding your precious human?”

InuYasha blinked and jumped slightly upon realizing where he was. He shook his head and stood up, stretched his arms towards the ceiling and yawned. “I was…out till…about four am. She didn't bring home some hobo this time but…she wanted to talk.”

Sesshoumaru frowned and scratched behind his right ear. “And…did she wish to talk to you or the shadow of the night?”

InuYasha shrugged and walked to his sidebar and poured himself a cup of coffee. Sipping it, he turned back to his older brother, “both, I guess. Somehow I think that she feels that talking to me makes her…better. She hasn't cried in a while…I never smell her tears like I used to. Maybe…maybe talking to me is healing her on a subconscious level.”

Sesshoumaru `tisked' and shook his head, “or you're slowly destroying her mental state that she has struggled to regain.”

InuYasha blinked and sat back down slowly into his leather chair, “come again?”

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and sighed heavily. “InuYasha…Kagome has been through rough times, judging from what you have told me. It does not sound like she is mentally stable, regardless of how much you wish her to be. Maybe talking to you she is transposing her feelings for the old you onto this faceless voice…”

InuYasha set down his cup and stood to glare at his brother, “or maybe she unconsciously recognizes my voice.”

Sesshoumaru scoffed and got off the boys desk. He walked in a circle then held out a hand towards InuYasha, obvious annoyance strewed across his face, “do you truly believe that? Because if you do then you are more foolish then I first took you for.” He moved quickly to his brother's side and put his two hands on Inuyasha's shoulders, “she won't one day realize that it is you and pledge her undying love to you. A light bulb will not just turn on in her head and she'll fall instantly in love with you. If that is what you are waiting for, little brother, then you're waiting in vain.”

InuYasha shrugged off his brother's hands and turned his back to him, “You told me to go to her, now you tell me I am destroying her. What the hell Sesshoumaru…can you stick to one idea?”

Sesshoumaru frowned and shook his head, “no, InuYasha. You have misconstrued me. I told you to go to her…never did I speak of secrecy or the cover of night as your guide. When I told you to go to her, I meant as yourself. You need to show your true form to her…tell her the truth. One of you have to be honest so you might as well begin the uphill trek. Be honest with her InuYasha.”

InuYasha nodded numbly, his brother's word seeping into his soul. `I thought…I thought that maybe I could get her to fall in love with me again…and then maybe…maybe she would understand. But would she even think of giving me a second chance?' he looked to the floor and quietly called to his brother, who was leaving the room. “She cries out to me on nights when she is alone…on nights when she is sober and lonely. It takes everything, Sesshoumaru, everything in me to keep from going to her…from holding her. I just want to take away her pain…to hold her close and let her know I'm okay. But I think…I fear what that might do to her. Knowing that for four years I sat back and watched her destroy herself and didn't lift a finger to make it easier. She'll hate me.”

Sesshoumaru paused at his brother's door and sighed. He turned around and rested one arm on the doorway and leaned against it, “InuYasha…you did not know of her existence for the past four years…hence you could not fix what you did not know. Should you have gone to her the day that she left you? Maybe…that would have been up to your discretion though. Do not forget, InuYasha…it was her brashness that led to this situation.” He gave the boy a small smirk and quipped, “For once in your life, it is not your fault.”

InuYasha narrowed his eyes and grabbed his brother's dictionary from his desk. Playfully, yet somewhat sternly, he threw it towards his brother's legs. “Get the hell out, bastard!”

Sesshoumaru jumped over the impending book and grinned at the boy. He slowly picked it up and tucked the dictionary under his arm. After a moment of staring at his brother, he felt his grin slide from his face and he frowned, and sighed. Taking what seemed to be a rather deep breath, he placed the book on a filing cabinet and walked closer to his brother. He clasped his hands in front of his body and opened his mouth to speak. It took a moment to form the right words that he struggled to find. “InuYasha…when I found Rin's reincarnation…I wanted to take the girl back with me to the castle. I wanted her to understand who she used to be…I wanted to have back the girl I loved so much. I realized though, watching her and talking to her, how much it hurt to see the past in front of my eyes and unable to change it. I came to the realization that day that I could not change the past no matter how much I wanted to…no matter how much I wished to. Nothing would bring my Rin back to me. Nothing. And it is a good thing…because I have become more convinced in time that Kagome and Rin may share the same heart.”

InuYasha blinked at his brother's statement and stood up from his chair. Walking around the desk, he slowly walked towards Sesshoumaru. “What are you saying?”

Sesshoumaru gave his brother a small but sad smile, his amber eyes filled with sorrow. “When I first met Kagome, she struck me as a strange girl. Who could ever love something so blindly…how could a human take on a Youkai as a friend without prejudice? I only came to understand when I met Rin…when Rin began to follow me around…when she saved me.” he gave a small laugh and closed his eyes, remembering times long past, “Rin taught me how to live and how to love. She made me everything I am. When I would see her and Kagome together, even five hundred years ago, I saw two girls that were the same…two girls who loved the same, who looked at the world unbiased, who understood how the world worked when even the more powerful of creatures did not. I questioned for a long time after Rin's death whether or not I was insane…but I realized that when Kikyo died after pinning you to the tree, she would have had to have another incarnation of herself. I do believe that incarnation was Rin. Only after Rin passed, which she felt the need to do, was there room for the next incarnation, and then Kagome.”

InuYasha took a step back from his brother and let his mouth hang open slightly, “you think…that Kagome is Rin's…reincarnation? What about Kikyo? Why did she not see it? Why did Kagome not see herself in Rin? She would have picked it up.” he shook his head and put his hands to his temples. “You're making my head hurt, Sesshoumaru.”

Sesshoumaru shook his head slowly; “don't rely your eyes, baka, for everything in life. Believe that calls to your heart. I believe deep inside, that Kagome and Rin are one.”

InuYasha ran a hand over his face then looked to his brother with a rather dead panned look, “uhh…you're not going to hit on Kagome…if I ever bring her around, are you?”

Sesshoumaru gave the boy a smirk before turning slowly to walk from the office, “no baka, the girl of your heart is yours, if you chose to take her.”

InuYasha smiled softly as he watched his brother walk away. Only after he was sure Sesshoumaru was gone did he lay his head back on the desk. `Kagome…where are you?'

 

Inside of me
When all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel

 

 

Kagome sat on her balcony staring out at the stars of the night. There weren't that many visible under the city of lights but the thought made it worth it. Besides…maybe her mystery man would be home that night. She sipped at the espresso she clenched in her hands and sighed. She wanted to add some vodka to it…maybe some tequila…but she had fought the urge to do so. She was three days sober and it was a decent feeling. She hadn't been this sober for this long for almost a year and a half. Yet being this sober had its consequences. Her conscious tore at her for not calling her mother…but a part of her couldn't pick up the phone…she couldn't hear the disappointment in her mothers voice. The thought that her grandfather may have passed away was more then she was willing to take on at the moment.

She sighed and sipped the coffee again. “Focus on getting sober first, and then we will deal with family. One step at a time…I can do it.” she sighed and shook her head slowly, “I sound like a fucking self help book.”
“You sure do.”

Kagome's head jolted up to stare at the ceiling above her with a small smile plastered to her face. “I didn't know you were there today.”

The man sitting on the balcony over her head laughed, “you can't lie for shit.”

Kagome felt a wide grin enrapture her face as she sat back into her iron patio chair. “Sue me.”

InuYasha frowned from his perch on the balcony above her and he drummed his fingers on the railing, leading her along a little longer. “Hope you're not a lawyer.”

Kagome felt the grin falter and she shrugged, sipping at the coffee she retorted, “I'm not really much of anything, honestly.”

InuYasha mentally smacked himself for that one and he quickly replied, “sure you are. You're beautiful and that's enough.”

Kagome blushed under the boy's words and looked out to the city, imagining her prince charming face above her. “You're sweet…but you don't know me. You hardly have seen me.”

InuYasha shrugged and commented, “doesn't take much to figure that one out. I mean…I saw you sweetie, and you are a knockout. What I don't get though is why you sleep with such trash.” There was a pause and he smacked his head. `Why did I say that? Baka, baka!'

Kagome chewed on her bottom lip before carefully saying, “I guess I never really thought of it much in that sense. I mean…I don't really have a thing with those men but they help me forget…” the thought of forgetting the past went right out the window with that answer and she sighed heavily.

InuYasha could feel her tension rising and cringed. He wanted to ask her more, get her to open up but for him to get that all out of her then surprise her…no, she would sit him to hell for that one. He fingered the rosary that still remained intact on his chest and felt his frown deepen. “A beautiful girl like you should hold no regrets in life.”

Kagome shrugged and took a long swig of the coffee before throwing the cup into the trash next to her. “You'd be surprised what I hold inside of me.”

InuYasha looked at the floor and sighed sadly, “Did you love him?”

Kagome blinked, her mouth running dry as she sat up slowly. “What?”

InuYasha gripped the railing a little tighter and repeated himself, “I asked if you loved him…the man whom apparently you feel is worth you holding all these emotions inside for. The one who ruined your life.” His voice dropped an octave as he added the last part.

Kagome inhaled deeply and then put her head into her hands. “I really don't want to talk about him. He never ruined my life…I ruined his and mine in the same day.”

InuYasha shifted his weight nervously then frowned. “You're…not…drinking tonight, are you?”

Kagome shrugged and walked to her banister before leaning up to look above her. For a moment she could have sworn she saw a flash of silver hair and the though pulled at her stomach and tore at her heart. “I…how did you…no….I'm not.”

InuYasha sat against the wall, his golden eyes wide from realizing that Kagome nearly caught him glaring down at her. “I…I'm glad.”

Kagome nervously tapped her foot before slumping her shoulders and blurting out, “why won't you come down here to see me?”

InuYasha gulped and looked around the balcony. “I…I'm not a very social person.”

Kagome shrugged and stood on her tiptoes, trying to see up to his balcony. “Come on…I want to see what you're hiding up there. You saved me once…I owe my hero a diner or something. Come on…just a few hours. I promise I don't bite…” she grinned maliciously and quickly added in a rather sultry voice, “that is, unless you want me to.”

InuYasha gulped, feeling a part of his body respond to her proposition and shook his head, trying to gain a hold on his erratic heartbeat. “I…I …” he sighed and stood up, “I should go.”

Kagome gulped loudly and backed away from the railing, “I…I'm sorry, that was wrong of me. I'm just…I really want to meet you, ya know? You seem so…different then the guys I'm used to. Please…just for an hour. I'm not looking for a quick fix or anything…you just seem like a good guy and there aren't many left in the world.”

InuYasha grimaced and paced the balcony quickly, his eyes large and filled with pain. `Sesshoumaru's right…holy shit that bastard was right. I'm hurting her.' he sighed loudly and clenched his hands to fists. “Sorry Kagome, I would love to but not tonight…maybe later?”

Kagome didn't answer. She shook her head slowly and walked back into her house, closing the door soundly.

InuYasha sighed loudly and leaned his head against the cold glass sliding door of the rock star's apartment. `Baka.'

Nothing to lose
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own

Kagome had gone job-hunting for the day…she actually had gone looking for the dreaded j-o-b. That was the first truly social interaction she had in the `real world' in three years, since she had been expelled from college for well…being herself. She hadn't any real good feelings but to actually fill out an application and talk to other people, it made her feel alive. She had returned home with diner in a take out bag from McDonalds and a latte. She sat out back, watching the sunset, while eating diner.

Her eyes wandered to the balcony above hers and she sighed. `I wonder if he's mad at me. Did I come off to rough…to sluttish? I really didn't mean to make it sound like all I wanted was a quick lay. He's so…different. He reminds me of a sarcastic Hojo in a way.' Her lips twisted into a small smile at the thought of that name. `I wonder what he's doing now…probably a pediatrician like he wanted to be. God he was really a great friend…a real dense friend…almost as dense as Kouga.' She laughed lowly and shook her head. `I wonder how Aayme's pregnancy is going…I still can't picture Kouga with kids. It is just so…bothersome. That's like putting Shippo and InuYasha…' she frowned at the intense memories that burned at her eyes of watching the hanyou thump the young cub time in and out. God what she wouldn't give….

The door sliding open on the balcony above her knocked her from her thoughts and she felt a very wide grin spread across her face. She leaned against her railing, abandoning her food to the table and looked up, “hey…sorry I freaked you out last night.”

A strange voice with a slight British accent called back to her, “who the bloody hell…” a face appeared over the banister and Kagome yelped. He was defiantly not who she was expecting. “allo, love….what's that about last night? Do I know you?”

Kagome blinked a few times then gasped, “You're…not Bon Jovi either…”

The stranger shrugged and pointed at the apartment, “this here is my place…bought it from Jovi a few months back…been out of town I've been….for a while.”

Kagome sighed and nodded slowly, “yeah, the guy taking care of your place told me. Hey…what is his deal? He's always outside on your balcony.”

There was a shift of wind and she could see the color draining from the man above hers face. “Man…on my balcony? Surely you must be mistaken. No one's been here…”

Kagome gulped slowly, her eyes widening as she took in his words. “But…he was there…he said he was watering your plants.” She suddenly made a face, realizing for the first time how utterly ridiculous that sounded.

The man scowled and tapped the railing, “is this a bloody prank? I don't own plants…at least not the kind you water.”

Kagome gasped and took a step back. `I never saw him inside of the apartment…what was he…how did he…who?' she backed up and muttered something about the wrong building or wrong apartment then apologized and ran back into her house before he could get a word in edge wise. She stared for a long moment, staring into nothing and everything at once. `He lied…he was just there…watching me. How did he get up there? Was it Kouga? No…what Youkai is following me? It had to be…no human could get up there. God…what is going on?' She fought back her urge to grab a bottle and walked numbly down to her room.

 

 

I wanna heal
I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long
Erase all the pain till its gone

 

InuYasha sat in traffic, his black hair tied to the back of his head under his black and red helmet. The black mirror reflective lenses covered his face from the smog and the rain the poured steadily from the sky. He leaned on his right leg and stared around the taxi's in front of him. `Ride around the city for the day, I say…not a big deal I say. God I'm a loser.' He scoffed and tapped the side of his Kawasaki Ninja with his left foot as he stared down side streets praying for a way around the horrendous traffic in downtown Manhattan. He had been visiting Little Italy for the day; doing some light shopping that was in his black knapsack. Now…now he was stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic getting soaked. `Fucking wonderful.' Inuyasha's eyes flickered to his right and he grinned. `I could cut by Moe's and around west park Place.' He revved the tires under his body and kicked the bike to his left. Cutting off oncoming traffic, he illegally jutted across the middle of the Chambers and jumped onto a side street. He grinned as the wind whipped about his body as he sped down the deserted street.

Turning to his right, he continued down the path around some back alleys until he came out to West Park Place, a couple blocks from Moe's. `Traffic-less…wonderful.' He grinned as he pressed on the accelerator. The rain was beating mercilessly at this point and he did his best to ignore the pounding sensation on his back. Pushing the bike to fifty, he tore down the streets. It reminded him of days back in Japan…running through the forests with the wind as his only adversary. Feeling it break on his face, rush about his body and through his hair…being lifted up high above the tree peaks so he could get a birds eye view of the jungle…of his world. With her. She was always on his back in these visions; huddling close to him, her frail arms wrapped soundly around his neck, her legs locked around his waist. Just feeling her on his back…being alone with her. That was what he missed.

A figure darted out from the sidewalk forcing InuYasha to slam on his breaks and skid to a stop not more then a few feet from it. His eyes darkened as he made out the bundled figure in front of his bike to be a rather soaking wet and slightly agitated Kagome.

Kagome jumped back, her hair mated to her head under her flimsy hood. She wrapped two arms around her body and stepped back to the sidewalk, giving the biker a hopefully apologetic smile. “Sorry…”

InuYasha narrowed his eyes and called out, “hey…watch it…you could be road kill…besides for being a drowned rat.” He laughed as her eyes widened at his voice and then scowled. He had missed the past nights meeting because of business work Sesshoumaru had deemed really important…it hadn't been…but InuYasha had gotten the feeling that Sesshoumaru was trying to meddle in his business again. That was another reason for the escape on his bike. He held out a leather gloved hand towards Kagome, “come on, I'll take you home.”

Kagome remained feet back, staring at the boy trying to read his aura. As far as she could feel, he was strictly human. There was not a damn thing Youkai about him…but how did he…? “You…who are you?”

InuYasha scowled, figuring she had him judged by his voice. “You mean nights of talking on the balcony…”

Kagome swung a hand at the biker, “I know you're the guy from upstairs…which you were lying to me about.”

InuYasha blanched under his helmet and rested the weight of the bike on his right foot. “What nonsense are you yammering about now?”

Kagome crossed her arms and gave the boy a nasty glower. “I asked who are you. The owner came home to the apartment last night and was all sorts of distressed when I told him that you had been taking care of his non-existent plants. So tell me…who are you?”

InuYasha gulped and tightened his grasp on the handles in front of him. “uhh…well, that is…I was….”

Kagome wanted to chew this guy out…she really wanted to get the truth out of him. That was something she knew he was hiding. She took a step towards him and nodded at him, “you don't have an answer, do you?”

InuYasha shrugged and sighed loudly, lies churning through his mind. “Well…that is…I used the fire escape from the roof to get to the balcony…being that he's the top apartment. I didn't expect to find a hot girl underneath…it was set to be a one night thing so I could…err…get away.”

Kagome gawked at the boy and put her hands to her hips, “so you broke into his house to talk to me at night? That's real couth.”

InuYasha scowled and shrugged, “never said I was. Look, I'm sorry…I shouldn't have done it but…I'd do it again…I mean, after all, I got to meet you.”

Kagome took her turn to scoff and shake her head, “keh, you don't know shit about me!”

InuYasha bit his tongue to keep from laughing at her. At least something had rubbed off about him on her. “Get on, I'll take you home.”

Kagome made to move back but InuYasha reached out and grabbed her wrist. Panic flashed through her eyes but was quickly subdued by a feeling in her gut. It went against everything she had learned in life…learned from the city…but it told her to trust him. His touch, even through his soaked leather biker gloves, was familiar and warm. She gave in to his tugs and slid onto the bike behind the stranger. She wrapped her arms around his neck and nestled her knees against his hips. In a second they were flying down the street…yet to her it was not a street. She saw a lush green forest…and the back she was on was not covered in leather but in fire rat cloth. She laughed as the wind whipped through her hair and then snuggled her face into the figure's neck. She didn't see the stranger in front of her; she saw her love…the man who changed her life. She was happy, after so long she was so happy. `maybe, just maybe if I don't open my eyes again, this won't go away. I can stay here…with those I love…and never have to face that city again.' She inhaled deeply and relished in the scent. So fresh, so familiar; to be back in the jungle…to be back at her home, nothing made her happier. She was free…free from her hatred of life; from her guilt…she was free to love again…to love him.

I wanna heal
I wanna feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

 

Kagome snapped her eyes open as the streets blared by her side and she panicked. Where did the jungle go? Where was InuYasha? Her eyes darkened at the realization that it had only been a memory…only a dream. She bit her lip to choke back tears and began shouting to the man, “please…stop, I need to get off. Please…please let me off!” she knew her pleas were falling on deaf ears but within seconds, they were at her apartment. She nearly threw herself off the cycle and backed against the nearest brick wall, her face white with panic and her eyes filled with tears. She didn't care who saw or what happened…she sunk to her knees against the building and began to cry.

InuYasha watched the sudden metamorphosis of the girl in front of him with instant regret. `Is riding on the back of the cycle like being back in the jungle for her also? Is that what she is seeing?' if he had been in his demon form, his ears would have been plastered to the top of his head at this point. `How could I have been so foolish?' he turned off the bike and stepped off it. Nearly running to her side, he fell to his knees next to her. “Kagome…what is it? What's the matter? Are you hurt?”

Kagome made a shove at his hands and wrapped her arms around her knees, now completely soaked in the rain that fell from the sky. “Go away…please…I'm sorry…no, I'm not hurt but….look….just go away. Leave me alone…leave me to die. I deserve as much.”

InuYasha snapped. He had listened day in and day out for over five weeks to the girl he loved with all of his heart berate herself of a decent existence. He grabbed her shoulders and gave her a hard shake. “Kagome, snap out of it! You don't deserve to die, babe, you deserve so much more and it kills me, absolutely kills me that you sit here like this! You're stronger then this…I've seen that. Wake up Kagome, snap out of it!”

Kagome pushed away his hands and shot to her feet. Throwing her head up to the clouds, she let the rain was over her, begging for absolution from her guilt, pleading silently for God to end her suffering. “He chose her…he chose to be with her…that's how it was supposed to be. Why would I question it? He never told me otherwise…he just held her while she confessed her love…and he didn't say anything. He questioned who I was when she asked him.” she shook her head, rambling on into the bleak world of nothing, trying to justify what happened…trying to make it better. “What kind of guy….he never cared about me…he couldn't have. Who would? Have you seen what I am, mystery man? Have you seen what I have become?”

InuYasha frowned and reached over to gently pat her shoulder. “Kagome…” his heart went out to the girl in front of him, realizing that she was in shambles. She was breaking apart because he had fucked up and he just could not bring himself to tell her the truth…he couldn't get the right words out of his mouth. `she never knew how much I cared about her…she never saw it, never felt it.'

Kagome gasped out a sob and turned her eyes back to the man in front of her. Everything was pointless…this was pointless…she suddenly felt an ice-cold wave of realization hit her; she was never going to forget him…she was never going to move on…she was never going to be able to live the way she used to. It wasn't as if she never realized it…she drank so she didn't have to think about it. Yet now…admitting it to herself…she realized that no amount of alcohol in the world would fix her…nothing could save her.

And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere only to find
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind

InuYasha watched in horror as Kagome had a mental melt down right in front of him. He cautiously wrapped one arm around her shoulders. “Kagome…it's okay…look, I think we…”

Kagome bolted up right and pushed him away hard enough to send him onto his ass. She stood up and shook her head. “I'm sorry…I'm sorry I've taken up your time.” she stared down at him and slowly shook her head. “That won't be a problem anymore, I promise.” She let out a quiet sob again and darted out into the street, narrowly avoiding some random taxies that ran through the streets, and she ran across it towards her apartment.

InuYasha sat on the floor for a long moment, his eyes registering what he had just seen…what he had just heard. Her eyes…god, he thought the first day he had found her in the city that her eyes held death in them like a close friend…but now…now he knew better. Kagome's eyes had been hollow when she turned to him…there was nothing except absolute terror. She was terrified of reality…and then her words hit him like a passing car. `”That won't be a problem anymore, I promise.”' What did she mean by that? InuYasha stood up and pulled his bike onto the curb before running across the street after her. He slammed into the buildings glass doors and stumbled backwards, cursing loudly. He threw his helmet off his head and to the floor by his feet. With a growl, he turned to the intercom and pushed Kagome's room button. There was nothing. She wouldn't be there yet…or she had run to her room and…. InuYasha shook his head and backed away from the door. He slid the ring off his finger that concealed him and jumped to the first story balcony and began to jump up the building, sure he was going to reach Kagome. `Don't do anything stupid, Kagome…please god don't do anything stupid. I never forgot who you were…god, why do you always chose to hear the worst parts of the conversation? I love you, Kagome…god I love you!' he picked up his speed as the clocked ticked the time away.

 

 

So what am I
What do I have but negativity
Cause I cant justify the way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own

Kagome slammed open the door to her apartment and threw her back against the wall closest to the door, kicking the door shut with her foot. She let out a ragged long bawl and slid to the floor in a heap. She fell to her stomach and put her palms to the floor. “I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! God InuYasha…I am so sorry!!! I'm so sorry…” she wasn't sure what was rolling off of her faster, the rain water or her tears, but water was accumulating on the floor. Kagome let herself fall into the pit of sorrow as she sat on the cold floor, balling her eyes out for events long past…for events she could not change. Everything washed over her…the three years she spent in the jungle, every smile…every hug…every harsh word that had so many meanings behind it. Then that day…the day that should have been the best one of her life. The day they defeated their worst enemy…but it wasn't. That day was by far the worst day in her history. Then everything turned to dark hues of black and gray. The hospital, her move, her acceptance to school, her after school job, her parties, her grades, her expulsion, her apartment, her bar hopping…her first…her last. Everything flashed before her eyes, revealing the life that she had resorted to…the low that she had sunk to. She was nothing.

`What good does nothing do to this world? I am a waste of space…I am someone's fuck up…I am the walking reminder of how cruel the fates are. I'm done.' she sat up and wiped her eyes, a rather evil glint overcoming the swirls of remorseful brown. She stood and took a deep breath, all signs of the crying shell of the girl who was there a moment before gone. She walked calmly into her kitchen and reached into the drawer where she kept her knives. This time no one would stop her…this time she would find her peace. Even if it was in hell…at least she could be with him. He died because of her and her moronic conclusions. He died screaming her name.

Feet touched down on her balcony and immediately the hair that shined behind Kagome went from white to black. The back door slammed open but the girl in the kitchen did not hear it.
Kagome turned the knife to point towards her heart and grabbed the handle with both hands. If her wrists would not bleed then another part of her body would. She couldn't feel it anyway…what would a knife through its already gushing wound do? She had her heart torn out already, what remained would be the empty passage to her death. She closed her eyes and whispered to death, “I do not fear you. You've followed my footsteps for so long! Now is your chance, death…take me to my love…” she gasped and raised her hands.

“Kagome! No!”

She felt a set of arms wrap around her waist and pull her backwards. The knife flew from her hands and clanged nosily to the floor as she stumbled backwards to the floor with a loud gasp. She didn't struggle against the embrace…even as she felt the person who had pulled her away in the nick of timing sat up behind her, she simply could not move. She slumped her shoulders and lowered her chin to her chest; tears beginning to stream anew down her face. Her eyes fell upon the knife that was feet away from her. She held out a hand towards the knife, not so much to try to grab it but more to marvel at the fact that death was within inches of her and had yet again managed to elude her…leaving her to deal with life, again…alone. She stared for a moment before feeling the arms slide away from her waist. She licked her dry lips as she blinked herself back to reality. Someone had run in…from her balcony…to save her. But…how? She turned slowly and stared up at the man standing a foot behind her. It was her stranger, her nighttime acquaintance…but he was unveiled. His had black hair cut to his head…or so it seemed. With the rain soaking his hair, she couldn't really tell where it ended. She couldn't see his eyes from under his bangs…but there was something… her eyes widened as she scrambled to her feet. Now she knew she was really going insane, she had to be. This man who she had talked to for so many nights…this guy who no one else besides for Greg had ever seen…was here in front of her and boy did he look like the human side of InuYasha. She shook her head once and put a hand behind her, resting her weight on the kitchen counter top. She closed her eyes and looked to her shoulder. The tension in the air was so thick it would take tetsusaiga to break it. Neither of the two would look at each other, no matter how much they wanted to. Kagome was taking very deep breaths trying to calm herself down. `Why of all people does he have to look like InuYasha? Why…what game are the gods playing?'

InuYasha was breathing just as heavily, his hands shaking at his side. `If I had been a second later…she would have…she was going to…' he closed his eyes and counted silently to ten then opened them slowly. `Does she recognize me? Does she think she's hallucinating?' he knew the answer to that question. He took a step towards her and looked at the girl out from under his bangs. “Kagome.”

Kagome blinked at the sound of her name. It sounded so foreign yet so…warm. The way her name rolled off his tongue warmed her heart…but that too had to be an illusion, it just had to be. “Just go.” why did he look like him…god why was she seeing InuYasha in her living room? This boy…the one who had hid himself from her…the one she was thinking she wanted…he was so familiar. `Maybe he's…a reincarnation? Is it possible?' she swallowed hard before looking up into a pair of violet eyes. “Please…just go.”

The boy swallowed just as hard and took a step towards Kagome, his eyes filling with uncertainty…with trepidation…with emotions that raged from love to anger to betrayal. “Kagome…I'm not leaving. Not with that…” he pointed to the knife then moved his hand to graze her cheek with three fingers. His eyes softened to an extent of near tears as he took a very deep breath, “Kagome…” `Here goes nothing.'

Kagome pushed his hand away from her cheek and turned her back to him, crossing her arms across her shivering chest. She was shaking in sobs of memories, in sobs of what she had almost done…in sobs of complete submission. “Get out! You don't know what you're walking into. I'm better off dead!”

InuYasha growled and grabbed her shoulder roughly, turning her around to face him, he shook his bangs from his eyes and yelled out, “will you stop fucking saying that, wench! You're giving me a fucking head ache!” he lowered his voice as he watched her face twist into a form of shock, and grappled with his temper. “You are not better off dead. There are a lot of people out there who do deserve to die for shit they did…but not you…it wasn't your fault Kagome….”

Kagome's hands shook at her side as she slowly tired to pull herself from the boy's grip. Sobs raked through her body as she pulled at him, “you don't know…you weren't there! You don't know what I did to him!”

InuYasha grabbed her other shoulder with his other free hand and stared down into her eyes. “You don't know either Kagome…you weren't there!” he stiffened his back as her eyes doubled in size and her tears stopped as serious confusion filtered through her stare. He growled again and looked into her eyes, “I never chose Kikyo, Kagome…I wanted you and only you.”

 

I wanna heal
I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long
Erase all the pain till its gone

 

 

Kagome heart skipped a beat…and then another as she stared at the boy in front of her. `This is a fucking dream…I must have been tripping on acid or something. This boy…this guy is talking like…he knows…I never said…' she licked her lips very slowly, feeling all the color drain from her face. his words echoed through the room in a haunting melody, `“I never chose Kikyo, Kagome…I wanted you and only you.”' Her stomach rolled over and threatened to regurgitate its lunch on the man in front of her if she didn't say something quick. She blinked again and whispered, “Inu…Yasha?” everything in her line of sight narrowed at the sight of the boy in front of her…at the sight of the man she loved, the man she lost…the man she killed. Everything behind him faded into a blurry mess of colors as she stared at his face. She took a step towards the man in front of her and held out a hand. She brought her fingers to his cheek and with every bone in her body trembling, she let her fingers gently cascade down his wet skin then jumped back, cradling her hand to her chest as if he had burnt her. so many times…so many dreams went much to this effect…except when she reached for him, when she touched him, the dream crumbled down around her into a fiery mess of hellish flame. She suddenly could not breath, it was as if her chest was constricting around her lungs, chocking her of her life. She let out a staggered gasp and felt her knees give out from under her. Then she was in his arms.

InuYasha watched as Kagome nearly fainted…her face was so pale and her body was shaking something horribly. Her knees buckled and he watched her sway with the intent to fall. In a reflex, he reached out and wrapped his arms around her waist to catch her and then on impulse, he dragged her forward and into his chest. He moved one hand from her waist and wrapped it around her frame, hugging her tightly against him. Her body shook in his arms, wracked with sobs and heaving for breath he held her tighter. He felt his knees go out and he slumped to the floor, holding her in his lap not daring to let go. When he found his breath, it was staggered and rasp at best. His words were not well formulated but he needed to comfort her, “Kagome…God Kagome…I'm sorry…I should have come to you earlier, I am so sorry. You almost…you would have…” he tightened his grasp and brought his head down and buried his face in her soaking wet hair. “I'm sorry….”

Kagome let out a deep sigh and found her strength. She wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed louder. `He's come back…I don't care how but he's come back…he returned to me…god….' She chocked out a sad laugh and pulled her head away from him. She gasped at the sight of the tears that now streamed his face as well and she bit her bottom lip, trying to control her sobbing. “Inu…Yasha….” She shook her head as she sniffed away the congestion that blocked her throat. “How…why…why now?” suddenly it all made sense; lots and lots of sense. He had been watching her…not Kouga…he had been chasing away the suitors and locking her door…. her mouth fell open at that thought and new tears found their way to her eyes. They were not tears of hopelessness or of relief…they were not tears of happiness or tears of sorrow. They were tears of remorse…tears of shame. He had seen what she became. He had seen what her life had regressed to. He knew what she was. She closed her eyes and tried to pull away from his embrace. She couldn't even look him in the face. `What he must think of me…. God what is going through his head? Why…why would he stay around knowing…knowing what I do…what I've done?'

InuYasha stared down at Kagome as she tried to pull away from him. He reached down with one hand and cupped her chin, forcing her to look back at him. The look in her eyes shocked him. She looked defeated…ashamed. He blinked slowly then let out a small sigh. He traced her skin with his thumb and index finger of the hand that held her chin and gave her the first real smile he had smiled in nearly five centuries, “don't be stupid, Kagome.”

As if able to read what she could not say but what her eyes told him, he gave pulled her back into his arms. Cradling her with one arm around her back, the other around her stomach, he rocked her slowly back and forth. He brought his cheek to meet hers and pressed his flesh against hers. “Kagome…we've both been through hell for these past years. I'm alive because my bastard brother thought he knew what was best for my life…and I'm beginning to believe he knows more then I give him credit for.” He heard her let out a soft gasp and he pulled away from her face and looked down at her, “I never chose Kikyo, Kagome. I don't know what you heard…I could only imagine…but my promise to protect you outweighed anything I ever promised Kikyo. I found her revenge and gave her peace…but the one girl I swore to protect…the girl I…” he felt his mouth go dry as he looked down at her. He took his hand from her stomach and moved a piece of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. “I'm sorry…I'm so sorry Kagome. I should have been there…I should have gone to you the day you sealed the well. I let this happen to you…I failed…I swore to you and I failed…” he closed his eyes and dropped his chin to his chest. “The day after the fire…back in the Feudal era…when Renkotsu set fire to the temple…and you…you almost…..” he closed his eyes and shook his head.

That day had nearly destroyed him…he had almost lost her then yet still…after all of that he had still not been able to tell Kagome how he felt. That was the first day he openly cried in front of the others…it was when he realized what she meant to him. Now…now he was holding her tighter then he held her that day. He held her now with the fear lingering in the back of his mind that if he let her go, she would disappear…slip through his fingers. “Kagome…I…I couldn't say it back then…I was afraid…I was afraid of what you would say…what you would do. I had things I needed to take care of…things that held me back from telling you….” he looked down in to her eyes that pierced his with anxiety etched across her face. “I…God Kagome…it was always you…I love you…God I love you.”

 

 

I wanna heal
I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long
Erase all the pain till its gone

Kagome gasped at his words and let out a deep sigh of relief…relief from everything that had corrupted her soul for years…that had pulled at her heart and tore at her mind. He was here…he was alive, in her apartment, holding her the way he never had but the way she always wished he would. She was in Inuyasha's arms and life was okay. She closed her eyes at his words and felt everything that had bore down on her shoulder for four years release. Then came the tears. She snapped open her eyes as they poured down her face like the rain outside and she sat up to stare at him. She searched his purple eyes for a hint of foreboding, for a glimmer of uncertainty. `He can't mean that…it's InuYasha, he would never say…that he…he loves me? He…' she wanted to see him uncertain…nothing she had done in the past four years would allow her to be this lucky. She didn't deserve this…not after what she did to him.

InuYasha recoiled his hands and stared down into Kagome's eyes. With a small smile gracing his handsome features, he pulled the titanium ring from his finger. The hair that was matted to his head and back became striking silver, his eyes that had been so dark with pain lightened to a brilliant topaz. He heard her gasp and he ran a hand carefully down her cheek. “This is why you couldn't tell…why you never knew….”

Kagome gasped as his eyes, the one thing that she was always mesmerized by, shifted from the deep purple to the golden amber that she fell in love with. That cracked her. She threw herself forward, wrapping her arms around his neck and pushed her lips against his. The fear she had as a young girl was gone…she had always wanted to do this and it was one of the things she regretted the most. She pressed her lips to him delicately at first; testing the waters…making sure he wasn't going to push her away. This was all she dreamt about for months…for years. Being in his arms…sealed to him in a heartwarming kiss. Passionate…loving…caring…everything she could ever want…everything she could ever need…she found it in him.

I wanna heal
I wanna feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

 

InuYasha was shocked to say the least when Kagome surged forward and kissed him. This is what he had longed for…to find someone who wanted him…someone who loved him for who he was…and he found it in her. he wrapped one arm around her back and the other around her head and took control of the situation. He tilted her head back and deepened the kiss, pushing his lips against hers in a passionate kiss. He reveled in the taste of her…it was addicting and he wanted more. He let his lips caress hers gently at first, growing in the demand as moments passed on. The two were sealed together the way it was meant to be; Together. He let his tongue dart out of his mouth and trace her lips that he captured with his. She let out a small gasp and he took the opportunity to let his tongue dart into her mouth. Her body pulsed against his as he let his tongue trace the inside of her mouth, tasting everything she had to offer. Her love…her passion…everything he knew she was and everything he wanted. She was what he had longed for. God how he loved her. Slowly he pulled back and let out a deep breath, his heart hammering on the inside of his chest.

Kagome kept her eyes closed, even after he pulled away. The taste was to fresh on her lips to keep from savoring…the feel of his hands on her made her blood boil under her skin. She let out a quiet whimper at the sudden loss of his lips and slowly opened her eyes. She was forgetting to breath, she realized as she let out a deep cough. She inhaled deeply then let it out, her hands still shaking at her sides. She realized though she had yet to respond to him. “I love you too…I've always loved you. From the first day I met you…it was always you.”

InuYasha smiled gratefully and pulled her back into his chest. “I'm sorry Kagome.”

Kagome nuzzled her cheek to his chest as the words assailed her ears. She pulled away and gave him a sad smile. “You have nothing to be sorry for InuYasha. I…I made the mistake. I ruined everything…I got you…” she bit her lip to try to keep herself from crying. “Don't apologize…the fault was my own.”

InuYasha tightened his grip on her and stared down at her. “No, Kagome. I shouldn't have been such a baka…I should have…I should have told you. It was my fault…I never should have left the battle that day with Kikyo…I should have told you how I felt. That should have been the first thing…”

Kagome watched his lips as he spewed out a faulty confession of love and his tale of how wrong he had been. She shook her head slowly, her eyes falling to his neck and to the red beads that glistened on it. A small smile fell to her face as she traced his cheek with her fingers then let her digits streak down his neck to finger the beads gently. He didn't notice…he was too enraptured in his own confession. She looked up at him and a small smile graced her face. “InuYasha…stop…it's my fault.”

InuYasha didn't even hear her; he was so caught up in everything that spewed from his lips. “Kagome…I should have told you. I knew for so long and yet I still avoided it…pushed it away. I'm sorry…”

Kagome pulled away from his grasp and scooted backwards along the floor until she cleared the distance between them. “InuYasha.”

InuYasha paused, the sound of her voice ringing in his ears. He knew it so well…he had heard it so many times. He looked up and realized for the first time that she was not in his arms but sitting a few feet away from him, mischief glimmering in her eyes. He tilted his head and opened his mouth to ask what was going on. Then he heard it. The word he had loathed for so long. The word that he still dreamt about that made him wake up in a cold sweats in the middle of the night.

“Oswari!”

He had never been happier to be slammed face first into the floor in his life.

I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else, until my wounds are healed

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Kagome carried two cups of hot chocolate to the wet hanyou that sat as piously on her couch, staring at her from under his mess of bangs. They had talked…and talked…and kissed…then talked some more until they realized that they were one, shivering, and two soaking wet. She loaned InuYasha a baggy sweatshirt she had for her hang over days and a pair of sweats while she dried his clothes for him and had offered to dry his hair…that led to him shaking his head to rid himself of the water and soaking her bathroom walls. She had sat him twice and then forced him onto the couch while she made hot chocolate. Her eyes laced with his and she gave him a small smile before sitting next to him, offering him a cup. “Be careful, InuYasha, it's hot.” She felt the grin on her face widen at the words that slipped from her mouth. `He's really here…I'm not strung out or drunk…he's sitting here, on my couch, wearing my clothes…' she paused then chuckled at that thought. He had filled out over the years she hadn't seen him…his shoulders were broader and his chest more firm, and she didn't doubt for a moment that it was pure muscle. Somehow though he still fit into her clothes.

InuYasha shot her a playful pout as he took the cup of steaming liquid. “Kagome, I've had coffee before…I've had lattes before…fuck, I've had everything under the sun before…you don't need to warn me. This is my time to now, you know?”

Kagome frowned and reached for the cup, “well if you're going to be that way about it…”

InuYasha lifted the cup out of her reach and playfully slapped away her hand. “Sneaky wench, you can't take it back now.”

Kagome put her coco down on the coffee table and lunged at the hanyou. Luckily for him, he wasn't as clumsy as he used to be. Putting one hand out to stop her descent, and used his balancing reflexes to place the cup on the end table next to the couch. As soon as the ceramic touched the glass surface, he wrapped one arm around Kagome's waist and flipped her over, effectively pinning her beneath him. He stared into her mocha brown eyes for a moment, reading her soul, wordlessly pledging his undying love for her and her alone. Then he tickled her. Starting off soft, with one hand holding down her wrists and her body pinned under his body weight, he let his right hand shift to her hip and begin tickling her flesh. Her abrupt fits of laughter filled the apartment for the first time as he sped up the attack, letting go of her hands to double his method.

Kagome couldn't breath she was laughing so hard as she squirmed beneath the hanyou's unrelenting bombardment. She threw her head back and roared in laugher. The roar abruptly changed to a gasp then a moan as she felt his lips graze her neck then latch onto her pulse. His hands calmed at her hips, resting on the bones, as he gently nipped and sucked at the flesh. Her hands shot up and entangled themselves in his silver tresses, moaning and sighing under his affection.

InuYasha couldn't help himself. When she bared her throat to him, instinct took over and soon he found himself submitting to his desires. If her wiggling about beneath him hadn't turned him on enough, this sure as hell sealed the deal. His tongue traced over the side of her neck then down her jawbone, intervening with butterfly kisses over her cheeks and forehead. He found her lips after torturing her face and sucked her bottom lip into his mouth, tracing the muscle with his tongue. `Kami, does she taste wonderful! How did I live without this? How did I stand by without ever tasting this…without ever indulging in her? She would have let me…even then…four years ago…she loved me. She would have followed me to hell had I asked her to.' his heart rapped against his chest as he nuzzled her cheek with his nose. `She's mine…she will always be with me.' he breathed in her scent as it changed from his innocent Kagome to an aroused and desiring love. He stared down at her face, backing away to look over the angel below him. He gently moved some stray strands of hair from her face and stuck them behind her ear with one claw. `How did I live without her? Five hundred years I survived…how? How did I do it? I forgot what this felt like…to touch her…to be near her. Fuck, being in the same room as her changes me. What was I without her?' he knew the answer, it had been what had kept him awake for five centuries; without her, he was nothing.

 

I will never be anything
till I break away from me
I will break away
I'll find myself today

Kagome stared into the amber eyes that she had longed to see for four years...that she saw in every dream…in every moment of the day when she would dare to look in the mirror. It was always him…he was all she thought about. Now they were reunited…the way life was meant to be. She leaned up towards his face, realizing he was just about gawking at her, and pressed her lips lightly against his. With a grin, she lashed out one hand and tickled his ribs. She never knew if he was ticklish…it was one thing she was always curious about back four years…five hundred and four years…whatever…ago. Well, she got her answer. He nearly jumped out of his skin when her hand brushed against his ribs and he fell off the couch with a loud yelp. Unfortunately for Kagome, in a matter of seconds, she followed behind him, his grasp on her right wrist tightening and vowing to make her suffer the same fate. Her upside was that she didn't land on the hard wood floor…she landed on him. She stared in shock for a moment at her ceiling that was now above her before breaking into a fit of laughter. She sat up, backwardly straddling his lap, and laughed until she was blue in the face. She could only imagine the cross pout on the hanyou's face, which only made her laugh more. His hands on her hips alerted her to his annoyance with the current arrangement. Then he did something she never would have though InuYasha to do. Holding onto her hips, he grinded his pelvis upward against her own, creating a demanding friction between the two star crossed lovers. Kagome gasped and quickly turned to stare over her right shoulder at the hanyou in sheer shock.

InuYasha gave Kagome a wide smirk then repeated the action with a slight growl. He was repaid by a loud moan from the girl, who quickly slapped a hand over her mouth. InuYasha smiled and sat up, her back now against his chest, and draped his arms over her shoulders, pulling her back towards him. He put one hand on her head and tilted it to his right shoulder before sinking in lips onto the exposed flesh. Sucking at her pulse again, he let his free hand run down the opposite side of her neck, down her collarbone, between the valley of her breasts, over her stomach, down her abdomen, between her legs and down the back of her thigh. She let out a ragged lust filled sigh before inhaling sharply as his hand retraced the same path backwards, making its way from her thigh to her neck. He was becoming steadily intoxicated by her scent, which was growing in leaps and bounds, begging for him to claim her.

Kagome groaned as his hands found their way to her breasts, kneading her through the thin material of her blouse. Her eyes snapped open as she shook away his hands and pulled away from his mouth regretfully. “InuYasha…” she couldn't believe how breathy his name came from her mouth, almost possessed by complete lust. She blinked and shook her head, turning to look at him face to face. She cupped his hands and swallowed hard. To sleep with a man she did not know had been easy…to do the thing she had done without thought was fine. Yet this was InuYasha…this was her love. She would be damned if it were to be this abrupt…on her living room floor…soaking wet. She closed her eyes and pressed her lips against his, “I…I need…”

InuYasha raised an eyebrow suggestively at her and leaned forward, staring deep into her eyes. “What do you need Kagome? Tell me…”

She snapped open her eyes and flashed him a smile, “I need a shower.”

I wanna heal
I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long
Erase all the pain till it's gone

 

Kagome stood without looking him in the face, and turned on her heels, walking down the hallway towards her bathroom. She entered into the room and left the door ajar before turning on the shower. She was freezing yet burning up…her body felt like it was on fire yet her hands and feet felt like blocks of ice. Her vision was star filled and foggy, her heart hammering away in her chest. She needed a shower…she needed him…she needed him with her in the shower? She shook her head and disrobed before stepping into the shower. She let the hot water flow over her, meeting it head on with her face tilted towards the showerhead. She closed her eyes and put two hands on the wall of the shower, letting the water flow over her face and wash away the past four years of sin and guilt. She turned slowly to close the glass doors of the shower but a hand reached out and blocked the track. Her eyes opened slowly to be reunited with two love-filled golden puddles of beauty. They dared her to open herself to him…dared her to try to shut him out of her life. She backed away and he joined her in the steamy ceramic tub. Within moments, two bodies became one…echoes of undying love and devotion filled the small room, declaring in one voice their vows of forever. Nothing would break the bonds that they created between their hearts…a love that had transcended five centuries…a love that flourished in the darkest part of the nights. Growls and groans, moans and screams…no one could ever repute the devotion of the couple…no one would ever question in.

 

I wanna heal
I wanna feel
Like Im close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*

 

Kagome stood with InuYasha outside of the luxury apartment on in uptown Manhattan as she twiddled her thumbs nervously. Licking her lips unconsciously, she followed behind her lover into the grand scale apartment complex. Up to the penthouse the elevator shot in mere minutes, the entire time Kagome fidgeting and InuYasha scowling. Kagome stole a few glances at her lover, and then shifted uncomfortably. Sesshoumaru was Inuyasha's only family…sure she had known him before…but then again, he had also tried to kill her before…twice. Granted, he had also saved her life…twice. Were they even? Regardless…she was now the one responsible for the centuries of pain, for Inuyasha's untimely death that she did owe Sesshoumaru for saving him from. What would she say to him? `Hi, I'm the girl who abandoned your brother cause I thought he was a baka and caused him to suffer in your care for five hundred years. Sorry.' She scoffed and shifted her weight.

InuYasha rolled his eyes and glared at the girl next to him, his silver hair mixing with hers, as they stood so close. “Damnit Kagome, stop fidgeting. It's only Sesshoumaru.”

Kagome bit her bottom lip and stared at InuYasha from under her long eyelashes, “that's just it…it's Sesshoumaru…lord of the western lands Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru who own half of this fucking city Sesshoumaru.”

InuYasha laughed with a smirk engrained on his face, “if you're going to be nervous, be nervous for the fact that I haven't been to work in the past three days…”

Kagome's eyes widened as she shook her head ruefully, “Gomen InuYasha…we shouldn't have…”

The doors chimed open as InuYasha grabbed the girls shoulders, “I've told you once Kagome, don't…” he reached out and stuck his right foot in the elevator door track to keep the doors from closing. Keeping the glare steady on her mocha brown eyes, he walked backwards, pulling her from the elevator, “apologize…just stop. It's not your fault that we…well…that is I have a insatiable stamina….” He gave her a cocky smile right before he backed into a person. He jumped nearly a mile high, his face blanching thinking he had just voiced that in front of his brother. The truth was more shocking. He heard Kagome gasp as his jaw slacked open.

Standing in front of the pair as a middle aged woman…or at least she seemed to be. Her midnight black hair was carefully held in a bun on the back of her head, two ruby claps securing it with two feathers securing it on either side as well. Her fake blue eyes shined their natural iridescent ruby red in the artificial light. Though she was dressed in a long black skirt and a red silk cowl, the lovers could easily remember her red and white kimono that she had always worn centuries before hand.

InuYasha just about growled at her, but what stopped him was her scent. It wasn't the scent of that vile demon she had once been a part of…no; it was different, refreshing almost. He sneered as he crossed his arms slowly, “So…Kagura…it's been a while, hasn't it?”

The wind goddess shifted her gaze from InuYasha to Kagome then back to InuYasha. “Yes, it has, hasn't it? I trust you are both…good?”

InuYasha could see the corner of her mouth twist upward in a smirk as she swayed slowly back and forth, reading the past three days transgressions on the scent of the two. He scoffed once and tilted his chin towards her, “what the hell are you doing here?”

Kagome coughed and elbowed him gently in the ribs. “InuYasha…be nice…”

Kagura laughed with a small smile gracing her red lips and shook her head slowly, “I had business I had to attend to.”

InuYasha nearly gagged at the following interactions.

An arm shot out from behind Kagura and wrapped around her waist. A small measure of shock followed by a small smile of content graced the female Youkai's face as she was pulled into a rock solid chest. She turned and rested her right hand on the same chest, and stared into the handsome face of the man towering above her. a cool even toned voice called out, “so I am now considered business? Is that not a banned profession, Kagura?”

InuYasha took a step back; his synopsizes all nearly frying at the same time. “Whoa…tell me you're fucking kidding…” he sniffed the air and made a face, “dear god, Fluffy…what did you do?”

Sesshoumaru wrapped his other arm around Kagura's waist and stared at the hanyou. His eyes flashed towards Kagome then back to InuYasha holding a strange glint of registered shock. “I could ask you the same.”

Kagome felt her cheeks redden at the remark and she gave the demon lord a short wave. “Hi Sesshoumaru-sama.” She looked to the demon that had attempted, and nearly succeeded, in killing her and her friends hundreds of times over with very little resentment. Hell, if Sesshoumaru had changed in all these years, why couldn't Kagura. She gave the woman a short bow, “Kagura.”

Sesshoumaru shocked Kagome by giving her a faint smile then nearly knocked both the teens off their feet by bending down and kissing Kagura's forehead. “You have work to get to,” he murmured in her ear.

Kagura looked at his hands then back to his face, “it seems I am not keeping myself from it…”

Sesshoumaru's eyes glazed over for a moment in passion, yet the emotion was gone as quick as it came, as he let go of the demon. He nodded once at her as she gave two short nods of her head towards the other two visitors then took her leave in the elevator.

Only after the doors were sealed, did InuYasha blurt out, “what the fuck was that all about? When the hell did Kagura come into the picture?”

Sesshoumaru stared at InuYasha for a moment before walking back into the apartment, “about ten months ago.”

InuYasha paused then ran a hand over his face, shaking his head slowly. He linked hands with Kagome and gave her a small smile; “there are some things I just don't understand…like bastards for one.” He flashed Sesshoumaru an arrogant smirk then ducked under the book that was flung at his head with a yelp.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I wanna heal
I wanna feel
I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong

Kagome stood, hands linked with InuYasha in his human form, outside of a contemporary white house. Purple and blue pansies lined the cobblestone walkway that leads from the cobblestone driveway. Kagome shifted on her feet, her eyebrows creased in concern as she regarded the house that she hardly knew. `What are they going to say? What am I going to say? Hi…I'm sorry?' she swallowed hard and looked to the black haired savior next to her. “I'm scared.”

InuYasha squeezed her hand and stared down into her brown eyes. He frowned at the near tears that welled in the girl's eyes and pulled her into his chest. “Kagome…don't be. I understand…and honestly I'm a little scared too…but it's okay. We'll get through this…”

Kagome swallowed hard and let out a disgruntled sigh as they took two steps towards the three steps. She pulled back and looked to the ground, “I don't think I can…”

InuYasha grabbed both of her hands, carefully avoiding nicking himself again on the two-carrot diamond ring on her left ring finger, and looked deep into her eyes. “Hey…you can do anything. You're Kagome, time traveler extraordinaire.”

Kagome laughed shallowly and bit her bottom lip, a habit she had formed over the past month. It started the day at Sesshoumaru's apartment…then continued on her first day of work as executive assistant at Tashio Industries…and it overwhelmed her the night that InuYasha had taken her to Rockefeller center and proposed on the ice, under the great big Christmas tree. Now it was a habit…one that she needed to break before she chewed off her lip. “I…”

InuYasha shook his head and pointed towards the wooden door. “Knock or I will.”

Kagome slowly trudged up the steps and smoothed out her skirt, her shoulder length one colored black hair lying loosely against her pale face contrasting her white blouse beautifully. She reached out and gingerly pressed the chime. She grimaced as the sound rattled through the house and held her breath. Her face blanched and she turned on her heels. “I can't…it's been to long. They must hate me…”

InuYasha grabbed the girl's shoulders and turned her back around while wrapping one arm around her waist. “You can do this…come on.”

The door opened slowly, just as InuYasha thought Kagome was going to try to escape again, and a familiar face graced the hallway. “Can I….” the woman paused, her eyes widening, the pot that she had been drying in her hands clanging noisily to the floor and echoing in the quiet house like a gunshot.

A faint cry was heard next to him and before InuYasha realized what happened, Kagome ripped herself from his grasp and threw herself into the woman in front of herm.

“Mama! Oh mama….”

The woman seemed completely shocked for a moment before reducing to a mess of tears to match her daughter's wails, wrapping both arms around her long missing daughter. “Kagome!”

The two stood in the doorway for a half hour, embracing and crying into each other's arms. The scene was almost nostalgic to InuYasha, as he sat back and watched the raw show of emotions from the two women. After what seemed like an eternity, Kagome pulled back and began blubbering, “I'm sorry…mama…I'm so sorry. I was so stupid and so selfish…I realize that now. I'm sorry…”

Ms. Higurashi put a finger to her daughters lips and hugged her again, wiping tears from her cheeks, “don't Kagome…It's okay…you're back, that is what matters. Let me look at you…” she pulled back and looked Kagome over until her eyes fell upon the rock on her finger. She slowly lifted her daughter's hand and stared at the rock before setting her eyes on the black haired individual she had completely missed standing there. “Oh…I am so sorry. How rude of me…” she looked back at the rock, a smile beaming over her face, “oh Kagome…” she opened the door and followed the pair into her living room.

Kagome glanced about the house, taking in the sights she had never seen before. `She's lived here for three years and I've been here once…one time.' she shook her head before realizing her mother was talking to her. “N…nani? I'm sorry mama, what did you say?”

Kagome's mother eyed up the man next to her daughter and smiled. “So…when is the wedding?” she looked back to the kitchen and smiled, “would you like a drink?”

Kagome held up a hand and shook her head, “I'm okay. Uh…” her eyes linked with the purple eyes of her fiancé as she searched for the right words. “Mama…you…this is hard to explain…you see…this is…”

Kagome's mother smiled and looked to the man, efficiently cutting off her daughter from speaking. “How about you, InuYasha, would you like a drink or maybe some ramen?”

The two stared at her mother dumbfounded, their jaws just about reaching the ground.

Kagome's mother tapped the hanyou on the nose, then her daughter as well, “a mother's intuition is always right. Now I know you two are staying for dinner…Souta is going to be home from school tonight and grandpa will love the company. Besides, I do believe you two have a long story to tell me.”

 

I wanna heal
I wanna feel
I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong

 

The door to the room nearly shattered off its hinges at InuYasha kicked at it, his hands to busy holding the angel dressed in ivory satin. She hardly protested as he put his lips against hers, stepping over the boundary of this uncharted land. The living room of the spacious house was devoid of any furniture…the only room with anything in it was the bedroom. He carried her down the empty hallway to that very room…which was illuminated by a hundred candles, with a king sized canopy bed in the middle covered in red and pink rose pedals. He laid her down on it gently, finally breaking their kiss to throw off his tux coat and remove his bowtie. He grinned at the girl as he pulled Tetsusaiga off his waist, the only thing that she would allow him to keep from his century in the wedding, and lay down next to her. Staring into her eyes, the flames of love burned more passionately then the wicks of the candles in the room. He traced her lips with his, murmuring sweet nothings as he passed over the delicate skin. “I love you so much.”

Kagome kissed his lips as they traced hers, letting her tongue dance across his soft skin. “I love you too, Mr. Tashio.”

Inuyasha's mouth curled into a smile as he pressed his nose against hers, “that's good to know, Mrs. Tashio.” He then captured her in a toe-curling kiss, one that was meant to be theirs…one that was meant to happen years before hand. But that no longer mattered…they were together…they were mates, lovers, beings entwined together throughout eternity in a bond that would never break. Nothing would ever tear that apart again…not war nor famine, misunderstandings or parenthood. Not even death.

Somewhere I belong

 

 

 

The End

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~

 

-I think…..i think I'm going to cry. :*-) Yay for happy endings!!!