InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Movie House Hanyou ❯ Tainted Love ( Chapter 24 )

Inuyasha stared at the papers in his hand, his grip tense. He stared so hard the words went blurry and out of focus with eye strain. His lungs screamed for air; he realized he'd begun holding his breath immediately after his shocked outburst. He took a deep breath. A barrage of assaultive thoughts sought to wreak havoc upon his--

Oh, to hell with it. The best way to put it was… Inuyasha was in no way prepared for the news he had just received. He tore his eyes away from the news bearing printouts, only for them to land on… Kagome's grinning face. Great. Exactly what he didn't need.

Inuyasha quickly willed away the fumes of the mushroom cloud that had formed in his head. Swallowing quickly and remoistening his mouth, as it'd gone dry, he leveled his gaze with hers. She hadn't said a word since his outburst. She just looked straight at him, no doubt anticipating the next thing he'd say, no doubt holding high hopes--

He quickly shut his eyes, then mentally kicked himself. Just a quick, sharp inhale, and then he could--

"Isn't it great?" She grinned at him as his eyes shot open again. Only a touch of shyness tinted her cheeks. "You've been safe this entire time. Never had a thing to worry about."

The papers fluttered to the concrete of the ramp floor. Slowly but deliberately, Inuyasha backed up against the door of his car, a stunned look still staining his face. Kagome gave him a quizzical once-over; he was acting a bit more shocked than she had expected, and he still hadn't said anything.

"Umm, Kagome?" Inuyasha steadied himself, almost imperceptibly grimacing. A quick downward flit of his eyes reminded him that his body seemed more than happy and joyous over the news. If only the rest of him was just as ecstatic.

Kagome noted his gaze and the tenting in his pants, her eyes widening. Then, she backtracked and berated herself for flushing over what she saw. She wanted to go home with him, in every sense of the phrase, and she had already been daring enough to try working his belt buckle loose. Yet, she couldn't even act appropriate over having given him a stiffy? Hell, what was wrong with her? She licked her lips and steeled herself, only faintly wondering why he seemed almost… nervous?

Tires screeched, distracting her as she was about to respond. They both turned to see the glare of headlights beaming upon them like a spotlight. A junky car was driving toward them. She held up her arm over her eyes to block out the blinding light. Inuyasha simply stared at the car as it neared, watching it take a right at the last second. His eyes stayed trained on the car, following it as it drew further away from them.

He felt arms around him then. Kagome's head rested upon his shoulder. He completed the embrace, mostly out of reflex. She laughed, softly, then spoke. "I-I didn't mean to mislead you like that, earlier. I was just ne-nervous. I found it online earlier today when I was doing research for a school project." Her words jumbled together quickly, into something only a listener with a quick ear could catch. "As soon as I figured out it wasn't just some gibberish someone had stuck up on the internet, I just knew you'd want to see it." Sighing, she smiled into his neck, then tightened her grip around him.

Inuyasha gathered his wits and tried to mentally string together a coherent sentence, but his mind went out the window and into the gutter with her next move. She'd begun lightly kissing him on the column of his throat, her lips trailing down to skin half hidden by his shirt collar. He shut his eyes and let out a hiss that grew into a whimper, gripping onto her more tightly. Each feather-soft touch was more enticing than the last. Her teeth lightly nipped at the side of his neck; it made his breathing labored.

"Wi-will you still take me home with you?" Kagome asked as she turned her face up to look into his. "I, um," her fingers trailed teasing strokes up and down his back, "I want to sleep with you." Inuyasha inhaled sharply, his expression one of being overwhelmed. "Tonight. A-and not the way I slept with you back in July," her voice trembled with her nervousness, "I mean, it--"

She ducked her head again and nuzzled him in the crook of his shoulder, calming her breathing. Be confident. Guys like confidence. Don't be such a pansy. He's probably been dreaming about this for months, she told herself in a silent pep talk. Her next words were loud and hurried whispers. "I-I want you to take my virginity. Please."

And right now, Inuyasha wanted to shoot himself.

"I'm… not taking you home with me, period," he said sternly, scrunching his eyes shut and biting his lip in fear of her reaction. It wasn't that he didn't want to sleep with her; he did. He didn't want her to feel something where he might feel nothing.

The form in his arms tensed up, and the fingers on his back froze in place. She looked up at him, upset and confusion spreading upon her face. "But--"

"No." His eyes were still closed, his expression unreadable.

"But I thought you wanted this. I-I thought…" she trailed off, a lump in her throat.

Gold met blue again. Is this what I want? His eyes gave off a hint of both distance and sadness. "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to sleep with you, no matter how much you ask."

Kagome's voice turned desperate and pleading. "But you'd said as soon as I was legal I would be your girlfriend!"

Inuyasha mentally winced.

"W-was it something I did? I, I…." She sounded close to sobbing; her head turned away from him. He mentally smacked himself upside the head. She was taking it the wrong way.

After a deep inhale, he answered, "No. I just--" damnit… "I--"

But before he could follow through with his explanation, she removed her arms from around him and stepped back. He took hold of her upper arm before she could fully turn her back on him.

"It was nothing you did," he stated forcefully as he whipped her back to facing him. She didn't seem to believe him, so he continued, his tone becoming accusatory. "This was just kinda sudden, you springing this news on me like this. It really complicates things--"

"I thought you'd be happy to find out! You wouldn't have to worry anymore," she replied, close to tears. "How does this complicate things?"

"It just does," he countered, his gaze hardening, "and I can't really talk about it--"

"Why not?!" Kagome managed to ask as she staved off the tears and tried to keep herself calm.

"Because!"

"That's not good enough! At least be honest with me!" She chewed her lip.

"I am being honest." He sighed and brought a clawed hand up to the bill of his cap to pull the cap tighter onto his head. His gaze wandered over to the wall behind her and to the right. "I really need some time to think about this shit," he snorted, "or am I not allowed even that because I'm a guy?"

"What do you--"

"Because guys are supposed to think with their cocks and not their brains, right?" He brought his gaze back to hers, his entire being exuding cynicism.

Kagome steadied herself, with much difficulty. "I never said that. Just… tell me what's wrong," she pleaded, "please." She hid her hands behind her back and stared at her shoes.

Swearing under his breath, Inuyasha stepped right up to her and grabbed her chin, tipping her head up and forcing her to look him in the eyes. Before she could react, he bent down and kissed her firmly on the lips, teasing her just enough to get her jaws to open. Soon it was tongue upon tongue.

She moaned and whimpered when he finally pulled away, her lip trembling. His mixed signals were driving her up the wall.

"The puppy has personal problems he needs to take care of. I don't think I can say it any plainer than that," he solemnly replied, his eyes half-lidded. "Wait until I have things figured out, please?"

"But, I don't understand," Kagome began, taking deep, slow breaths. Is he leading me on? Rejecting me? Was I too forward?

Sighing, he covered his eyes with one hand and muttered a string of colorful language. "I don't expect you to. But, I do expect you to be willing to give me room--"

The phrase "give me room" echoed in her mind. It burned like a heated brand or speeding arrows with glowing tips.

"--and let me work things out for myself. Is that too much to ask?" he finished coldly.

Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
And I've lost my light
For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Oh... tainted love
Tainted love

No, it wasn't. Kagome shook her head to signify as much, then looked up at the sound of his shifting footsteps. His hand went for the driver's seat door handle. "Wait!"

He was already seated in the car and with the door shut when he looked at her again. The window came down several inches with the power button. She sidled up and watched him intently through the window, her eye line just above the top edge of the glass. "You said I could have a ride home."

"I don't really think I'm in any shape to take you anywhere right now, Kagome," he responded with a sigh and tired eyes. He stared at the steering wheel for a while, then muttered, "Walk home. You would have walked home if you hadn't asked for a ride anyway."

Now I know I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want it any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
And you'll think love is to pray
But I'm sorry I don't pray that way

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Oh... tainted love
Tainted love

Fixing a look of hurt upon him, Kagome uneasily stepped away from the car. He started the ignition, then pulled out of his parking spot. Then, she helplessly watched him drive off, a tugging feeling pulling at her heart. As soon as Fungus was out of sight, she sat down shakily. Slowly, she covered her face with her hands. She'd been able to hold the tears back -barely- at his "give me room" statement, but she couldn't keep them from forming any longer. Shins upon the concrete, she sobbed. Then, she finally pulled her slippery hands away in a jittery motion. Tears darkened the light grey concrete like a faded Rorschach card.

Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Tainted love, tainted love
Tainted love, tainted love
Touch me baby, tainted love
Touch me baby, tainted love
Tainted love
Tainted love
Tainted love

---

His cell phone beeped again. Its display showed the "low battery" message. He sighed and hooked it up to the recharger.

Kagome was legal. She'd been legal from the day he'd met her. He had proof. Well, actually, to be more exact, the proof was currently littering the underground ramp near the last parking spot he'd used. But, it was sufficient. He'd checked online and found the same website.

He was tired as all fuck, physically exhausted; this was to be a night he'd actually sleep. However, he was still up. He'd done nothing but dwell over his newly compromising situation. So much shit could have been avoided had he taken the time to do some goddamn research.

Nostrils flared; nah, he was a big dumb moron who'd gotten himself into this mess, and, he probably deserved it.

Inuyasha succumbed to the temptation of a nap that had crept up on him, waking abruptly at the ring of his phone.

"Huh? What?" The cell phone rang again. "Who the FUCK calls at this time of the NIGHT?!"

Grumbling, he groped around for the offending cell phone and blinked several times in a row as he tried to read the caller ID on the lighted up display. His sleep-trodden eyes kept him nearly blind. "Fuckin'--" he muttered, "this better be good!"

When he answered it, Miroku's voice sounded out, sending his ears into stiffened triangles.

Miroku worked at Sexworld. Sexworld sold "adult novelties" and porn and sex toys. The hanyou's eyes narrowed. Shouldn't Sexworld employees know the age of consent laws?

Holding back a growl, Inuyasha asked what his friend wanted, his annoyance bleeding into his tone.

"Someone sounds cranky."

"Yeah, well, I had just nodded off, you asshole."

"Well, unlike you, most people have normal sleep schedules--"

"Then why are you calling at three in the fucking morning, Miroku?" Inuyasha sneered as he glared at the clock on his wall. His vision had cleared up.

"What I meant, Mr. Cranky, is that you are asleep only every other night, and you're likely the only one who actually remembers which nights they are. I had guessed you'd still be up and wide awake, probably smoking a joint while watching traffic from the kitchen window."

Inuyasha's answer was an indignant snort. "Get to the point. Why are you calling?"

"Oh," the voice paused, and Inuyasha could almost hear the man's smug smile, "I just got off of work and--"

"The bars closed an hour ago, moron."

"That's not what I was going to suggest."

"Well, just get your ass over here. I need to talk to you." He let a growl slip into his tone.

Miroku's voice wavered. "Um, am I in trouble?"

"Maybe."

---

It was useless to try to sleep. She'd been home for hours, but as shitty as she felt, she just couldn't drift off into beloved unconsciousness. Instead, she dwelled upon, well, everything. In between frame shuddering sobs, of course.

Crushed didn't even begin to describe how she felt. There was no single word that could do so. Nothing was descriptive and all encompassing enough. If she had had the desire, she might have trudged over to her desk and rifled through her dictionary, searching for all the appropriate words that, once combined, would epitomize exactly how she felt. However, that would first require physical effort to remove herself from her bed. Right now, she wasn't even up for that.

Shifting beneath her blankets onto her stomach, Kagome covered her head with her arms, a fresh batch of tears breaking out as she cried into her pillow. She still couldn't figure out where she'd gone wrong. Had she brought it up the wrong way, or had it been the fact that she'd brought it up at all? Or maybe it was when she'd brought it up.

Was it because she'd brought it up, or would this have eventually come about anyway? Had she been too forward, or had he never had plans to be with her and been using the age thing to his advantage?

After more sobs and sighs and dreadful thought dwellings, Kagome curled up onto her side and hugged her knees to her chest.

And why had he kissed her right after he'd shot down her request? That question and all thoughts surrounding it had been on her mind during her entire trudge homeward from work. She had pondered it, and many other things as well, but primarily that, as she walked across the bridge. Occasionally she had stopped to gaze into the deep waters of the Mississippi, all the while wondering if she was the one to blame for her heartache, or if it was Inuyasha, or if it was just bad timing.

Then, when she'd gotten home, she'd immediately headed for the fridge. She'd needed some comfort food. She wasn't one to normally indulge, but she'd desperately needed some ice cream with warmed caramel topping. It was only after she'd emptied her dish that she'd gone down to her room and sobbed for a good hour while doing nothing but looking through her photos of him.

Since he'd declared her as his girlfriend in training, as joking a title as it really sounded, they'd occasionally taken advantage of a few photo opportunities. Thus, she had more than just the concert photos. Photos of her sitting in the driver's seat of his car. Photos of the two of them in each other's arms. In work clothes. In casual clothes. At her home. At his. Photos they'd taken of each other. Photos they'd taken of themselves using the automatic timer.

Kagome had hoped that the photos would remind her that it was probably just as Inuyasha had said… her puppy had personal problems that he needed to take care of. She had laughed without humor in remembrance at his pathetic attempt at being cute, calling himself "the puppy." As if it would make her wounds hurt any less. Then she'd cursed herself for thinking such bitter thoughts. It was unlike her to act as such.

Those photos were now long-forgotten in a messy pile on the chair by her desk, and she'd stripped to her bare essentials and nestled beneath the sheets and the warm, lightweight comforter -would it actually comfort her?- and all but fallen asleep. Only minutes could she last without a depressing thought. As soon as she'd allow herself to dwell upon one, she was wide awake and shuddering with the kind of whimpering lonely puppies made.

Her body finally stilled beneath the sheets. Sleep had not taken her yet, but she had become calm and worn out. Only an occasional chest heave still reminded her of her earlier, unstable state.

Kagome stared at the ceiling, then thought back to one of the things she still remembered overhearing at the party back in July. Bankotsu had mentioned Inuyasha's fear of her leaving him. Inuyasha had put himself through physical torture over her, and then stopped because it had hurt her in the process. He'd shown her his whip scarred back only at her incessant request. She remembered the sadness in his eyes as he'd gazed at her before divesting himself of his upper clothing.

All, because she'd been hurt.

Could the same hanyou also have rejected her without a deep-felt, powerful reason in doing so? The same hanyou who had given her centuries-old Japanese currency simply for accepting him in his true nature, for what he really was? The same hanyou who made her feel like someone accepted her for who she was?

With a final sigh, Kagome forced herself to believe that whatever the reason he'd said no, it had truly been important to him. She only wished she knew what they were, and if she could help him through with them.

Kagome finally fell asleep, lonesome and yet… calm. The only thing plaguing her dreams was the question of whether Inuyasha simply desired her, or if he loved her.

---

Miroku's car sat parked outside Inuyasha's house. Inside, Miroku sat upon the couch in the main room, while his friend lay stretched out on his side upon the cushions, his head resting upon Miroku's lap.

The silver-haired hanyou refused to look at his friend. "So…" Miroku began before trailing off. He wasn't sure where to start, and Inuyasha didn't seem completely okay in the head.

"Miroku, you have to card customers when they come into Sexworld, right?"

"Yeah. You have to be 18 to even be in the store."

"Even though the legal age to fuck is 16?"

Miroku's eyebrows furrowed, and he stared down at his friend's head. His ears were flattened against his hair, and he'd shut his eyes. "It is?"

Inuyasha snorted as he shifted to glare up at his friend. "I found out tonight after work," he spat out accusingly, all but snarling and baring his fangs. He gave Miroku all the details on what had transpired, including his little brain malfunctioning, then studied Miroku's face as his friend digested every single detail piece by piece.

After an uncomfortable silence that encompassed nothing but some ear rubs more for the benefit of relieving his own stress, Miroku deigned to speak again. "Well, you have to be 18 to buy porn and stuff like that, just as you have to be 18 to buy smokes, Inuyasha. I really hope you're not blaming me--"

The hanyou snorted in contempt, then narrowed his eyes and swiveled his ears out of his friend's grasp.

Miroku sighed and used his free hand to cover his eyes. "Will you stop being childish?"

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"Whatever."

"And, Inuyasha, are you sure you…" Miroku paused, knowing his suggestion would likely enrage the hanyou on his lap. "Are you sure you handled this in the best way?"

"No," the hanyou muttered. "I know I didn't. But I couldn't do or say anything else. I feel like shit. If you'd been in my spot, you'd have done the same--"

"No, I doubt I would have done the same," Miroku countered, finally igniting his friend's temper.

"Like what?"

"For starters, I would have actually explained what was going on in my head, and the real reason why I was declining her offer of companionship for the night."

"Why do you always get so longwinded in your sentence wording sometimes?" Inuyasha asked, irritated. "Her offer of companionship for the night? Who the hell talks like that? You sound like you're from a couple centuries ago."

"I was trying to make a point, and you seem to have missed it," Miroku commented dryly.

"Keh."

"You're sulking because you acted stupidly and said stupid things, so I understand you're not at full mental functioning capacity--"

"Fuck off."

"--but that is no excuse for your behavior towards your little girlfriend or towards me," Miroku finished with a raised voice as he snagged his fingers into the hanyou's thick locks and tugged roughly on it.

"Ouch! You idiot! That HURTS!"

"Funny. You always enjoyed it when I did that back in Tokyo."

Inuyasha growled. "That's beside the point!"

Sighing as he lolled his head back and shut his eyes in exasperation, Miroku stayed quiet for a while. When he spoke again, his tone had gained back its previous, more congenial aspects. "So, do you mind telling me why what happened, happened?"

Inuyasha's voice was a soft mumble. "I don't want to use her." Before Miroku could ask, the hanyou clarified what he meant. "I don't want it to just be a fucking for me but something much more special to her. I can't do that to her. It'd be wrong. It'd be cruel."

"And you didn't think to tell her that?" Miroku quirked his eyebrow. He'd suspected something along these lines, but nowhere as severe as they seemed.

"No, I didn't. I just wanted to get outta there before I said something too stupid and hurtful." Inuyasha sighed and closed his eyes again. "But I know I already fucked up, so don't go lecturing me again," he added before Miroku could speak again.

"And what do you want from me, then?" he asked. "I'm not psychic."

"I just want you to listen to me get this shit off my chest, man," Inuyasha sleepily muttered.

"Okay, then. Shoot."

"Kagome's the kind of girl who'd want her first time to be special."

"A lot of women are like that."

"Whatever."

"It's true."

Inuyasha growled again, then continued. "I threw mine away like it was nothing." He swallowed. "Most of the people I've fucked were just there to fill a void. I don't want to end up sleeping with Kagome just for her to be another warm body. I figured I still had till next April to figure out for myself if she'd be more than just a bed partner to me. No one has ever been more than a bed partner. Why the fuck do you think we went back to just being friends, Miroku?"

He turned his head and stared upward, noting Miroku's lack of attention. "Miroku?" No answer. "Miroku!"

Miroku jumped up in his seat, startled, and blinked his eyes. "Huh?"

"I was talking to you," Inuyasha grumbled. "Did you fall asleep on me or something?"

"No, I was just thinking."

"About?" Inuyasha eyed him warily.

"If Kagome is legal, then you never had to go through with all that stuff with Jako--"

"Shut up," he muttered, this time baring his fangs for real. Miroku put his hands up in a defensive pose and looked down to meet the hanyou's glowing slits, grinning sheepishly. "I'd rather not think about that. What's done is done. Don't ever bring that up again. Is that clear?"

"As an muddied lake, Inuyasha. As clear as an azure sky of deepest--"

"Quote A Clockwork Orange again and I will hit you."

Miroku chuckled and sighed. He waited for his hanyou friend to continue with his woman troubles and his inner ramblings, but there was but silence. Chancing a glance into his lap, he noticed Inuyasha's eyes were shut, and he looked peaceful. He waited silently for a while longer, then took the hanyou's restful breathing as a sign that he had fallen asleep.

---

It was early afternoon when he woke up, curled up in a cramped position upon the couch. Glancing around, he realized he must have fallen asleep while talking to Miroku. His friend must have had the sense not to attempt waking him up for the sole purpose of sending him to a more appropriate -and comfortable- sleeping place. Like his bed.

Stretching to get rid of all the kinks in his muscles, Inuyasha stood and yawned. A quick check of the time -he'd brought his cell phone downstairs- told him he would have been in the middle of a work shift were it not for the fact that… yes. Tonight was the new moon. He had the entire day off from work. And about an hour before sundown, he could escape.

The hanyou remained housebound, continually finding something with which to occupy himself. He'd taken out his swords -not just Tessaiga- and practiced stances, sword fighting techniques, and whatever else related to swordplay that took his mind off what had happened with Kagome the night before.

He'd smoked a joint once his muscles started aching. They were stiff from disuse. It had been a long while since he'd gone through such excessive and relentless physical exertion. The temporary zone-out brought on by the marijuana was like a preamble to the more severe separation from reality he eagerly anticipated.

It let him forget, for just a little bit, that he had had to hurt Kagome in order to keep himself sane. He'd hurt her to keep himself from hurting her. And he still felt like shit about it. No matter how much weed he might smoke, the gravity of his situation would never fully be lifted. For the time being, though, the herb would let him forget just how deep of a grave he had dug for himself.

Glancing over his shoulder into the main room of the house, he studied the pile of nearly slaughtered wooden poles he'd sliced at with his swords. Only the Tessaiga had been powerful enough to cut cleanly through the shafts. The other swords had merely splintered the wood. That, or completely tipped over the tripod stand thing, heavily weighted as it was. It obviously wasn't weighted enough to withstand the force of a hanyou's swordplay. He'd have to clean up the mess later. Maybe if he wasn't too psycho tonight, he could light a fire in the fireplace with the chippings.

It was still several hours before he'd reach into the cool darkness of the freezer and remove a small Altoids box and then… disappear for the rest of the night.

Inuyasha put his swords back where he kept them and made some more phone calls. His conversation with Miroku had him lightly doubting, but it could all be remedied. A few more places could strategically verify or nullify that website. He wasn't sure which outcome he preferred. Either way, he felt disillusioned.

---

Black hair fell over his shoulder, and Inuyasha sat on the couch, scooted up to the edge of the cushion. He'd been tonguing his teeth for the last ten minutes. Or was it the last two hours? He glanced out the window and noted the darkness. It hadn't seemed that long, but his human senses couldn't gauge the minute differences between an hour after sundown and the dead of night. That, and right now his senses were likely to lie to him.

It was all the same. He always lost track of time when he tripped.

Edgy was how he felt tonight. Kagome's bombshell could not have happened at a more inconvenient time. While he had plenty of time to himself now, pondering his current situation, and how fucked up it was, was not the best activity to engage in during such a time of dissociation.

He was simply itching to get up and move about, but his muscles felt frozen and useless.

It was too quiet.

And when the music began, he vigorously rubbed his eyes and then covered his ears, trying to block out the familiar orchestra. "Fuck." That single, solitary word echoed through the room, and he apprehensively turned and stood up, his limbs working perfectly now.

"Well, it's about time this shit kicked in," he muttered. Behind the couch, the pile of splintered wood had started moving on its own, forming into miniature walking broomsticks only eight inches high. He narrowed his eyes in confusion - where had the broom bristles come from?

---

A hand clamped around the receiver, but stilled. She chewed her lip, unsure if her intention would do more harm than good. He'd asked for room. Still, she felt he owed her some answers first. If Inuyasha would only clarify a few things for her, she'd be more than happy to stay on the sidelines while he worked out whatever personal problems he had spoken of the other night. For him, she would wait.

Decision made, Kagome lifted up the receiver and dialed. She desperately hoped he would answer. And if he answered, that he would not hang up on her.

She also hoped she wouldn't break down and start crying over the phone.

---

The ring of his cell phone jolted across the room, visibly ricocheting off the walls like a speeding ball of rubber. Each connection made strange boinging sound effects. It immediately distracted Inuyasha from the strange little marching parade of broomsticks that slowly made its way to the walls.

Another ring. An even larger ball of energy that followed in the manner of the first, jetting from wall to wall. Light trails. Dizziness from tracking everything with his eyes.

Suddenly something whammed into the back of Inuyasha's head, knocking him forward. He stumbled to the ground on his hands and knees, then felt around his waistline for his cell phone. The light up display screen was unreadable. The numbers kept swimming around and increasing rapidly. The third ring sounded, and he pressed the Answer button and held the phone up to his dirty, rotten, lying bastard of a human ear.

---

"Hello?"

Kagome sighed and shut her eyes. He'd answered. "Inuyasha?" Her voice was a bit higher than normal. Her emotions must have started working her up while she'd waited for him to answer. Would she sound too hysterical if she spoke any further?

Kagome didn't want to know.

---

"Huh?" Frozen, he barely paid attention to the voice. Was it even real? Had someone even called him, or was it just a hallucination?

Right now, he was more concerned with the broomspiders that were currently crawling up the walls, leaving slimy footpad marks. Broomspiders that made their way toward an expansive neon green web that covered the entire northern corner of the ceiling. Broomspiders whose bodies were like those of black widows, design-wise. The only difference was that in place of an hourglass, there was Kagome's face in greyscale. They were like mockeries of the deaths-head moth.

He shuddered and sat back on his haunches, taking precise, heavy breaths. Clawless fingers nervously drummed upon one thigh. I'm just seeing things. I'm just seeing things. None of it's real. Just breathe, think happy thoughts, and they'll go away like magic.

"Inuyasha? Is that you? Please, I-I need to talk to you--"

But Inuyasha didn't hear anything else. He was too busy screaming as he stared at the giant broomspider in the upper reaches of the sticky, stringy web. The broomspider with long, wavy black hair and Naraku's head. And with Naraku's eerie, chilling smile.

--

Dumbfounded, Kagome stared at the phone as it made clicking sounds. Then the connection was lost. The dial tone sounded, as if it were mocking her. His outcry still rang in her ears.

After a moment, she tried dialing again, but got his voice mail. Twice in a row. Perhaps he'd turned off his cell phone? She wasn't sure why, but something about his shriek had given her the willies. Was he all right?

"I don't care," she finally told herself. "I don't care if he told me to stay away. I'm gonna take a bus out to his house and see what's going on."

---

The spiders. Spiders? Were they congregating with the giant broomspider in the green net-web?

Inuyasha wiped frantically at his face with jittery hands. Blowing a puff of air upward at his bangs, he shook his head like a horse shaking its mane. Black hair flew everywhere. He was trying to shake out all the crawling sensations that had spread upon his skin. He wasn't sure if his skin was crawling, or was being crawled upon.

The wooden floor had become almost spongy with his weight, the ceiling had started dripping on top of his head like a leaky faucet, and the room was silent but for the tiny scrapings of broomspider mandibles as the creatures tried to eat their way through the walls and tear holes into the ceiling.

"They're trying to flatten me like the wicked witch. They're going to tear out the ceiling, and make it crash on down on top of me." It's not real. It's not real.

Everything piled on top of everything else in an intricately designed layout like carefully orchestrated sheet music--

"Green is greedy, and the spiders, exterminate them." He heard the dull thump-thump of a heartbeat, as if the walls had veins.

Everything was twisted and warped and convoluted and yet so clear.

"I fucking hate spiders," the crouched figure repeated to himself for about the nineteenth time. As if speaking that line would will away the broomspiders. It hadn't so far, but they weren't real, right? If he waited long enough, the channel would change. And that Naraku-headed broomspider with the lime-slime spittle dribbling down its chin? Still up in the corner? It would no longer stare hungrily at him.

Right?

And then the doorbell rang.

The spiders fizzled out and disappeared like television static.

Startled and completely oblivious to his earlier obsessions, Inuyasha jumped up and ran to the front door, his footwear leaving turbo skid marks on the wood floor. As the doorbell sounded again, he skidded to a stop… and crashed into the wall that closed off the front entry alcove from the adjacent rooms. The floor had suddenly become slippery as wax. A deep bruising feeling spread along his upper arm, seeping into his shoulder as he winced.

Grumbling to himself, he staggered over to the window in the next room, lifted aside the curtain, and saw a short, black haired female tapping her foot worriedly upon the concrete step. The outdoors was strangely lighted, even with all the streetlights out there, so she was easy to see in detail. Rubbing his upper arm soothingly as he studied the woman at his doorstep, he watched her ring the doorbell once again.

No doubt feeling impatient, the woman turned toward the window and stared straight at him. Inuyasha immediately scrambled back, away from the window, then plopped himself upon the floorboards in confusion and apprehension. The curtain slid back into place, hiding him from her view. Harsh, gong-like rapping sounded upon the front door, but he blocked it out.

He'd suddenly had a memory from long ago return to him full blast.

"Since when did humans live for centuries?" he asked himself out loud. "No, wait, she can't be the same woman."

Zoning out, he retreated into the dark recesses of his mind. It was dark out, and rainy. A light, not very stormy rain. His hinezumi outfit was still soaked and sopping wet. His long black hair was stringy from being outside in the pelting drops.

Glancing around, he took in the clean, open room and the set of fresh clothes that the keeper had set aside for him, a paying customer for the night. Soon the scene shifted, and he was dry, reclothed, and sitting toes together upon a cushion, a low table at his side. Many lamps in all corners lit the ornate room. And when he turned to glance over his shoulder, he met gazes with a beautiful, kimono-clad young female who ambled his way, then kneeled before him.

She had asked if he needed companionship for the night, and Inuyasha the newly masquerading hanyou turned human for the night had nodded.

"You have money?" It was then that he had realized what she meant.

"How much?" he breathlessly pleaded, a tightness forming in his borrowed hakama. Maybe companionship is what I need.

The woman hungrily eyed his money satchel, then shifted her gaze upward with a daunting smile. "Five ryo."

He remembered whimpering as quietly as he could. "Too much."

"I'll make it special for you." Her voice had been as sweet as honey, and she had smelt of perfumed oils strong enough even his human nose could identify them. For the first time, a knee to the groin -her knee delicately nudging his groin- had been desirable. And suddenly, five ryo sounded reasonable.

"Okay. You'd better make it good." He'd licked his lips and hooded his eyes.

"For a beautiful one like you--"

I'm… beautiful? Inuyasha had wondered.

"--I will."

She had been the first in a long string of bed partners.

… Just a temporary plug in the void.

Another gong-like rapping upon the front door brought him from a 1605 brothel back to his home in 2003. He snapped his head toward the door and listened, his eyes widening.

"Inuyasha! Who was that in the window looking at me?!" Kagome's voice yelled at him through the door. "Answer me! Answer the door!"

… Kagome's voice?

Inuyasha inhaled deeply with recognition, and then panic. What the fuck was Kagome doing at his front step on the same damn night he was human?!

Gathering his wits, Inuyasha stood up, wrung his human hands, and then shouted, "Um, I can't let you in. I'm uh, entertaining a friend! That's who was looking at you!" DAMN that was lame! he quibbled in a thankfully mental display of absolute patheticness.

---

Kagome brought her raised fist back to her side, perplexed. She'd been ready to pound upon the front door again, but....

He finally answered. Well, kinda. And the man she'd seen in the window was a friend of Inuyasha? She frowned with hurt. What could be so important about "entertaining" a friend that he couldn't even let her in? Had her effect on him been that negative? And why had his voice sounded so desperate? It was as if he was being untruthful, or if he was hiding something.

Then, another thought entered her mind. That black-haired man had looked strangely familiar. She'd seen but a glimpse of him in the window before the curtain fell back into place, but it had been enough to ring a bell for her. If only she could place where she'd seen him before.

After a long pause, she remembered what else had brought her out here aside from the "situation" between them. He may have hung up on her, but before that, he had screamed, coming close to shattering her ear drum. Had something happened to Inuyasha? Her entire being felt weighted with worry.

Something wasn't matching up.

Gathering her courage and suppressing her anxieties, Kagome took a deep breath and bammed an open hand upon the door, shouting out, "Please, just talk to me!"

---

The gong wouldn't stop.

Slinking into a crouching position, Inuyasha covered his ears and gritted his teeth against the infernal headache that had just begun to throb. His still tender upper arm became heated to the touch. He wished he could claw at it and rip away the top layer of skin in a frenzy, it itched so badly.

A strange, wavering sensation washed over Inuyasha, as if someone had raked hard-nailed fingers down his body and set his nerves afire, bathing him in an sensory overload. It was like invisible strings were pulling him apart at all angles, and like fluctuations of bodily energy coming and going like the tide. The nauseous fever spread from his upper arm throughout his body.

Inuyasha spread himself out upon the floor with his legs outstretched, then propped himself up on his elbows. He felt sick and disoriented, and the banging upon the door --it no longer sounded like a gong-- and Kagome's yells weren't making it any easier. It was then that a ghostly double of himself immediately leaned forward out of his chest, peeling itself away from him in an almost sticky manner.

Inuyasha froze, his eyes widening in horror. He could see right through his double's back. And yet, the long black hair cascading from its scalp seemed as tangible as Inuyasha himself. How else could it pile on top of his own chest and not pass through?

Then, his eyes lowered to focus on his legs... he and the double still shared the same body from the waist down. And he himself was semi-transparent from the waist on up. He could see the floorboards through his palms.

Inuyasha felt a tightness form in his chest.

Multiple exposure light trails followed the double's sudden movements as he practically hopped up off of the floor into a standing position, separating from the real Inuyasha in the process."You said you were entertaining a friend, didn't you?" quipped the double with a smirk upon turning around. The double took some quick scrutinizing surveillance of Inuyasha's home, seemingly approving or disapproving of the surroundings, before returning his gaze to the black haired being from whose body he had just literally sprung.

Inuyasha looked his double up and down, a baffled look on his face. He'd often seen mirror images of himself on his trips, but never before had one materialized straight out of him like... like that. Usually he only saw reflections that refused to mirror his actions, that acted independently of himself. This double, though, creeped the living fuck out of him. It was like he'd been split apart into two beings.

Was he still whole? Hell, was he still see through? Glancing at his hands, Inuyasha saw he had solidified once again. Temporary relief washed over him. He jumped to his feet.

"Inuyaaaaashaaaaaaaa!"

The real Inuyasha directed his attention toward the door again, trying to ignore his double, who had solidified as well. "Go away," he whispered. Maybe if he thought about it enough, it would just disappear, right?

The double crossed his arms over his chest in amusement. "Right, like it matters. How do you even know if she's really at the door?"

"Kagome!" Inuyasha shouted, again purposefully ignoring his double. "I told you," he felt weighted with lead as he stood up, "I'm--"

"I don't care!" He could hear sniffling.

"What are you doing here?!" This is not happening, this is not happening, this is NOT happening....

She answered through the door, "I tried calling you, but...." She went on, relaying her worries after he'd screamed and hung up on her.

The double's smile grew with mischief. "Aww, isn't that just sweet of her, Inuyasha? I think I need a fucking toothbrush or something. Didn't know anyone gave such a shit about you," he pandered.

The real Inuyasha turned to glare at his double, baring his would-be fangs on instinct and forgetting they had shrunk into normal human canines for the night. "Fuck off," he muttered softly, his tone nothing short of grating. The double merely raised an eyebrow at him and snickered.

His attention went back to Kagome's insistent banging upon the door. If he'd had his dog ears at that moment, they would have drooped at the next thing she said.

---

Falling to her knees and crying, Kagome asked, "What did I do to scare you away?" She'd been whacking at his door for ten minutes now, and he'd only sporadically answered. Her worry for him had escalated almost to the point of her current level of self-loathing. I did this to him. I made him run away from me. I'm the reason he's hiding from me. Why is he hiding? Why won't he communicate? Did I come on too strong? Did he change his mind about wanting to be with me? I-I don't understand!

"You didn't scare me away, Kagome," came his voice through the door. "I told you that. I just need some time to--"

"Am I a burden to you?" She leaned her back against the door, hoping she could hear him better. Unless he shouted, his voice was difficult to hear. "Please, if I am--"

"You're not! This isn't about you."

"Then why won't you let me in?" Kagome brought her head down to her knees, where they were pulled tight against her chest. He hadn't rid her of her insecurities yet.

"I uh, don't really feel well. Like I'm about to puke a rainbow or something."

Stunned, she slowly pulled her head back up and stared out at the empty street out front, as if she'd seen aliens begin to parade down the sidewalk. Puke a rainbow? Then she asked, "If you feel sick, why do you have a friend over?"

---

Inuyasha cringed. She had a point. He still felt nauseous despite the retreat of the fever throughout his limbs.

"We were playing videogames when I started feeling sick," he sputtered out, hoping she'd believe her.

"Ooh, nice one," his double commented. "Will she forgive you when she finds out you're lying?" As he continued, he advanced upon Inuyasha slowly, a malicious grin forming on his face. "What'll Kagome do when she finds out what you do every single fucking new moon, huh? You, my friend," he paused dramatically, catching Inuyasha's attention, "are pathetic."

"Yeah, well, at least I'm real," he whispered back with flared nostrils. This double was really starting to get on his nerves. In return, the double stopped and made a fist of his right hand, the thumb sticking out between the index finger and the middle finger. Inuyasha glared even more at the vulgar gesture, then gave him the middle finger.

"That's so fucking American." The double rolled his eyes with a sneer. "Oh, and how do you know you're the real one and not just my double, anyway?" he taunted Inuyasha.

Damnit, the ass was patronizing him again. Before he could answer, Kagome's voice sounded again, almost soblike. "Um, Inu-Inuyasha, please, I-I understand why you won't let me in, but..." she trailed off.

Inuyasha's heart dropped. "I would if I could, I PROMISE," he yelled out as he swallowed the lump in his throat. The double snickered again, earning a hard stare from his object of ridicule.

"Um," she began again, through the door, "will you at least tell me a couple things? Please?" she begged.

"Yeah, ask aw-OUCHFUCKDAMNIT--"

The double yanked on Inuyasha's hair harshly, grabbing it by the roots with both hands and pulling as hard as he could, effectively interrupting him, making him grunt like a pig and equally pissing him off. Inuyasha continued his string of curse words, extending into Japanese. He just knew that nearly every single utterance would be making Kagome blush, provided she understood their meanings. Clamping his hands onto the currently traumatized roots of his hair and his double's fingers, he growled and rammed the double backward into the all behind them... only to find that only he hit the wall with a groan. The double had disappeared. Fuck. His entire back ached.

"Inuyasha?" Confusion made her voice tremble.

Stabilizing himself and massaging his scalp for a moment, Inuyasha immediately snarled, "You fucking asshole! What the fuck did you do that for?!" Where the fuck had the double gone? Was he hiding in the wall, or had he materialized in another room and would be on his way back? Despite his rising paranoia, he regained his senses, remembering that Kagome probably wondered about his outburst. "Um, Kagome," he ran up to the door frantically, hoping she was still there, "ignore that! My friend was being--"

"Thought you were rid of me, eh?" came a sinister coo as arms wrapped around him from behind. Inuyasha elbowed him, or at least attempted to. The results weren't too successful. Instead, he brought his knee up high and then sent it crashing down on top of the double's instep, immediately freeing himself as the double grumblingly stepped away in pain.

"Kagome, ask!" he shouted just as a heavy sole landed in the middle of his back, sending him to the floor with a groan.

"Really, Inuyasha, I'da thought by now you'd realize you're digging your own grave," the double called out smugly. "Again, how do you know that's really Kagome at the door?"

"I, I just know she is," Inuyasha whispered from the bottom of his crater. Raising his voice so she could hear, he pushed up with his arms to look at the door. Please still be there. He called out to her again.

Her voice wavered, but she asked, "Were you using me?" her voice cracking on the third word like someone not quite reaching soprano.

"No! Never! I swear on my father's grave!" Inuyasha dropped back onto the floor from another strategically placed kick to his lower back and swallowed hard. Sh-she thought I was using her? Oh FUCK, what the fuck have I done? "You have to believe me, I would never do that to you. Haven't I already proven to you how much you mean to me?"

"Then why did you reject me?" This time he could barely hear her, but he knew she'd ask that.

"I didn't reject you!"

Before he heard her reaction, he felt a boot grinding painfully into his spine. "Inuyasha, if you were the real Inuyasha, would you be so pathetic? I'd think you would fight back or something."

A fist went for his hair again, and this time Inuyasha stood the pain with nothing more than a grimace, even as the fingers twisted around and yanked his head up sharply by the hair. "And if she wants you that bad, why don't you just buy her a vibrator? That way she can pretend she's fucking you. You know she already does that with her fingers."

Inuyasha, despite the nearly neck-snapping position of his head, panted and managed to sputter out, "Kagome, please, go home. Go home and wait for me. When I've taken care of my prob--"

Still effectively pinning him to the ground, the double yanked on his hair antagonizingly, making him grunt uncomfortably. He had to grit his teeth to keep from yelling again.

"--problem, I promise, I'll," he shut his eyes, "I promise I'll come to you. Just, believe me." The double ground his heel into Inuyasha's back. "Trust me. I didn't reject you."

---

Outside the door, Kagome sat quietly, contemplating his strange and almost painful, forced answers. Inuyasha kept asking for a response, pleading with her, and she finally resolved that she had no choice but to leave. His answers hadn't really cheered her or relieved the hurt she felt all that much, but then she thought back to what he'd asked her weeks earlier. Did she trust him?

"Kagome?! If I had rejected you, why the fuck would I have kissed you before driving off?!"

"I trust you, Inuyasha. I'll leave if you tell me why you screamed on the phone. Please. You had me worried," she answered him with only partial disappointment.

There was silence for a moment, and then... "I saw a spider."

Kagome perked up. He had to be joking. "You can't be serious."

"It was a really big one. Really--" Kagome heard the sounds of retching. "Damn, that's one ugly rainbow."

It took all of her willpower to suppress her laugh. Inuyasha had screamed and hung up on her over a spider. "Are you okay?" She felt like laughing and crying at the same time.

"Yeah, I just--" there was a fit of coughing, "--really, you don't wanna see me right now. I look like shit."

"What about your friend?" she asked in concern.

"He's holding my hair back."

----

Long after Kagome had left, or so it had seemed to him since his perception of time passage was fucked up until the lsd wore off, maybe only minutes but maybe half an hour, the double finally let go of Inuyasha's hair and removed his boot from the hanyou turned human's back. However, Inuyasha was far too physically exhausted to get up and go after him. He lay on the floor of the atrium in his little crater, waiting for his muscles to stop screaming.

After a while, he finally pushed himself off of the floor and stood up, glancing around nervously for the double who had seemed to have disappeared. Instead of finding him, he simply saw black dots dancing in the corners of his eyes. Groaning with a whimper as he stretched out his back, he took one last glance at his crater and that really ugly rainbow on the hardwood near the crater lip - wait, did he have any of it on his shirt?

Inuyasha glanced down and thanked the heavens that very little "rainbow" currently graced the front of his t-shirt.

He spent the next two -or was it five?- hours searching for his double, aimlessly lost in the caverns of his home, often entranced momentarily by one vision or another, sometimes listening religiously to the heartbeat that thump-thumped in the walls. All the while, he never found the double - it was like hunting ghosts.

When morning came, the sun shone on the silver haired hanyou as he sat trembling and freaking out in the kitchen.

"Note to self: Number one, apologize to Kagome even more. Number two, never take five hits of acid ever again." He turned to glance at some hallucination or another while Lefty paid attention to music that wasn't really playing. Wiping a slew of perspiration from his brow and moving his damp bangs out of the side, he amended that last part, his breath a pant. "Actually, never trip on acid again period."

---

A/N: hey guys, i finally got the chapter up. mwahahaha. you all thought you'd get a lemon, didn't you? ::evil smirk:: anyway, go check out Midoriko-sama's latest oneshot on ff(dot)net. it's a songfic called Mad World, and it's set in the MHH universe! if you haven't already, please leave her a review. Also, lyrics are from that hit 80s song "Tainted Love." I'm not sure if the Soft Cell version was a cover, but it might be, might not. I cannot remember.