InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Musings of the Damned ❯ Kanna ( Chapter 2 )

Title: Musing of the Damned

Author: Ange Noir (a.k.a Kuroi Tenshi)

Genre: Angst/Drama/Action/ Umm…did I mention Angst? I did? Well then, that's it, I guess

Rating: PG-13 for future graphic nature

Summary: Inner thoughts of the main characters from Inuyasha, but there's a chance that something else might develop from that.

Warning: Fight scene and mention of blood and psychological imbalance. FF.net screwed up my format so don't blame me. I just wanted to get this out.

A/N: I won't make poems for this story. It's hard enough making it for my other ones so you can't possibly expect me to do it for this one too. Instead, I'll do haiku's or quotes so you can review/e-mail me with some of your own and if you're lucky I might include it in my later chapters. This is my first POV story so be nice. It's basically about the inside thoughts of some of the major bad guys in Inuyasha. This story came as a swift inspiration to me while I was watching one of the many battles of Inuyasha between him and some evil villain. If I'm so inclined, I might include the Inu-gumi and by inclined in this text it means if I receive good and numerous reviews. So anyway *cough* review *cough*. Curse this cold! So anyway, read this chapter and tell me what you think. This is late I know but cut me some slack, I've been redoing my other stories so will a simple sorry suffice?

Disclaimer: I do not own the works of Rumiko Takahashi. But boy, if I did…hehehehe ^___^. Excuse me while I go research for Inuyasha ownership loopholes.

Reply (ff.net)

Sess9: It's a done deal. I kept up my end now you have to keep up yours. What can I say; I'm a stickler for deals especially when they benefit me in the end.

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Damned: the outcasts; cursed ruined ones; people that are most oft denounced for who or what they are; the untouchables

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Like the greatest virtue and the worst dogs, the fiercest hatred is silent

~ Jean Paul Richter

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My lips are silent

My eyes are dead

Yet I do hate you

~ Kanna's haiku

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Chapter One: Kanna

I watched as Kagura, my younger sister fought yet another battle with the hanyou Inuyasha. The demons she managed to summon beforehand had mostly been sucked into the cursed monk's air rip. Miroku, the monk had drawn in a number of Naraku's poisonous bees in the process and in doing so, it rendered him so injured that he is now unable to fight any longer. The demon exterminator ready and able to fight is currently battling with her resurrected brother while the reincarnated miko, the demon kitsune, and the neko youkai have their hands full with the remaining demons. So all in all, Naraku and I are safe for the time being. It's surprising that he showed up himself and not one of his puppets, but I guess he got tired of waiting around all the time. And the Kikyou woman is right, when his puppets are destroyed, he's left in the dark. This way he gets to see all the action from start to finish. If he makes this a habit if we're lucky, he might get caught and the crossfire of the fighting.

Glancing next to the half- youkai beside me, I feel my entire being fill with derision and disgust. Yet, my face remains blank and eyes continue to look dead. 'Naraku,' I composed to him in my head, 'I hate you, you know. I despise you and all that you stand for. I'm sure you realize that even though you do not let it on, even you're not that dense. I may not be as brash and as outspoken as my sister, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel the same animosity that she feels for you. I do; maybe even more so because I have no way to vent out these feelings and it's your fault; you made me like this. I commend Kagura for her efforts of making her utter dislike for you known. Oh how I wish I could be like her. How I wish I could be not so afraid.

I look up only to see my secret role model on the edge of defeat but I know that she still has some tricks up her sleeve. How admire Kagura for all that she is, she continues to plot Naraku's downfall even though it is ultimately futile. She has the faith and determination that I myself lack and I envy her for that.

Following the battle, I witness Inuyasha attempt to use the Wind Scar on Kagura. But since she is able to control the wind and the miko called Kagome and her sacred arrows were busy at the moment, his attack unsurprisingly failed and it proved vastly inefficient.

Observing Naraku from beneath my lowered eyes I went on with my musings all the while dreaming that one day I may have the strength to speak it out instead of holding it all in. I smile ruefully to myself in self-contempt. Even though Naraku disgusts me, I disgust myself as well.

I wish that I never existed. I wish he had never created me- created either Kagura or I. A wave of emotion washed over me and I struggled for a moment to regain my apathetic façade.

Subtly looking at Naraku, I realized that he never noticed my slip or if he did, he didn't give any sign of it. Right now, he's just gleefully watching the fight between Kagura and Inuyasha. By the looks of the sadistic pleasure adorning his face, it is apparent that Kagura has regained the upper hand. Seeing that nauseating grin on his face, I just itched to smack it off him. Just looking at his face everyday, I often wish that I can hurt him as he has hurt me and countless others numerous of times. I'm not saying that I'm some kind of Good Samaritan deep inside for in truth, I'm far from it. But concerning Naraku, I can make the exception of coming off as some self righteous person because he deserves to get all the pain and suffering he caused everyone paid back in full.

I wish I could be the one to avenge all the wrongs he did to everyone. I wish I could be the one to cause him all the agony and suffering. I wish that I could be able to make my wishes reality. I just feel so weak, unable to do anything. Neither Kagura nor I can because he has our lifelines, our hearts. He can silence us forever with only the slight squeezing of our fragile hearts. If it wasn't for that small technicality, Naraku would've been long dead by either Kagura or my own hands.

Hearing a sharp shout, I was pulled from my thoughts just in time to see my younger sibling get thrown against a tree, splintering it on impact. Crimson blood that matched the color of her eyes stained the shattered wood and ran down in rivulets over her alabaster skin. My imprisoned heart went out to Kagura yet I remained still and unmoving much like her own body. I gladly noticed that the dog demon looked no worse off than Kagura and he all but collapsed at where he stood. If it wasn't for that sword of his he wouldn't be able to remain standing. After gathering his bearings Inuyasha, the dog demon then looked up towards my sister, the fallen wind sorceress with a murderous look glinting in his eyes. With his blood soaked locks, his golden eyes, his battle weary body, and his fangs glistening so starkly against the ink-drenched sky, he looked like the Devil incarnated.

He started racing towards Kagura, running on pure adrenaline now. I wanted to warn her, to protect her somehow. But I didn't dare for fear of invoking Naraku's wrath. It was probably his plan in the first place to get rid of her in this battle and if she managed to kill Inuyasha in the process, it'll work well in his favor. I tear my eyes away because I just can't bear to watch this anymore. I lower my eyes so that I won't see Kagura, the only person who truly understood me, cut down right before my very eyes. Without her I will be all alone, stuck with this malicious half-demon who has the nerve to consider himself my master.

As I felt the displacement of wind from the swift movement of the sword Tetsusaiga, I allowed my eyes to become unseeing to the slaughter before me. But irregardless of this mode of self-oblivion, my face for that instant became a canvas of all the emotions that I had held bottled inside of me. I don't care what Naraku will do if he sees me like this, so vulnerable, so weak and unguarded. Why should I? Simply put, my sister is dead. Now never will I see her demonic face again with her blood red eyes and her sardonic smirk. Never again will I be able to tend to her wounds after she has yet again foolhardily attacks Naraku. She is gone from me now forevermore so why should I care about what Naraku will do to me? I dare him to try his worse, kill me even. At least then if I die I wouldn't be stuck with him and I would be able to see my sister.

I against my own will strained my senses to verify Kagura's death but something was off. Where is the scent of fresh spilt blood or the absence of her demonic ki? Now that I think about it, I didn't even hear the slicing of her flesh or the severing of her bones. I tentatively focus my eyes, fearful of what they may encounter. They widen slightly in disbelief. She's alive? It seems that she had managed to get away just in time by use of one of her feathers. She's just barely conscious just hovering right out of Inuyasha's reach and I had to strain my eyes to distinguish her against the backdrop of the night. Glancing down, I notice that where she previously stood, a deep crater stood and obliterated everything within a ten-foot radius. I feel my ego swell in pride for her. Granted all her acts will just benefit Naraku in the end, but I can overlook that for the fact that Kagura is indeed, alive.

Inuyasha looked up towards my sister and scowled in frustration. He started stalking off towards Kagura, his intent clearly to finish her off. He then suddenly stopped as if he just remembered something. His eyes scanned the area before stopping on us, only on us. Actually, he only saw Naraku because I was hidden in the shadows of some nearby trees. It seems that seeing Naraku fueled up his energy because I can just sense it rising dramatically. He started racing towards us, his speed increasing as he gained momentum. A loud threatening growl erupted from him, as he tried to vent out his steadily rising anger. My bones shook from the impact and I had to clench my teeth tight so as not to let them tremble. He was a few yards away and he was steadily coming closer. The moonlight glinted off the edge of his sword as he raised it and…

"Kanna…" Naraku murmured simply while still looking at ease towards the oncoming threat. He didn't sound so concerned because he knew that I will have everything under control just like I always do. But what makes him so confident that I just won't do anything at all? If I'm tempted to (which I undoubtedly am at this moment) I can just sit back and witness the hanyou obliterate him into shreds. But I immediately throw that option out because Naraku has this unnerving luck to be able to survive anything and if that happens in this situation, then he'll make sure that I'll later wish that I was dead not that he hasn't already.

So I try to rid my mind of these thoughts as I allow myself to get detached from everything. I ignore everything for oblivion is the only way for me to get through all of this. This way I don't see the bruised Tajiya tending to the hurt monk. I don't notice the strangely dressed miko standing next to the demon fox and neko as they anxiously look on towards their beaten, bloodied comrade who is steadfastly coming towards us. I never realize Kagura hovering a few feet above the ground looking dead to the world. My logic is that if I am not part of all this then I will not be affected too much. I'm damaged enough already all thanks to Naraku so I don't need any unnecessary interruptions to throw me completely off the edge.

It appears that the dog demon has grown impatient and unleashed the Wind Scar already. It's closing in but I have time. I can wait just to irk Naraku but I might as well get it over with already for I am not in the mood to deal with his temper. I step out of the shadows and in front of the dog-demon's target, Naraku. The hanyou, Inuyasha sees me instantly because of the contrast I have against the night sky. His eyes widen in recognition and some other emotion I cannot quite label. I watch in bland disinterest as he desperately tries to create enough distance between himself and the attack. He knows as well as I do that he won't have enough time to outdistance it so he's just going have to face the outcome. I can feel the burn from the sharp edges of the Wind Scar and at the last moment, I hold up my mirror to protect myself and Naraku (what a pity) from immediate death.

The attack whirled ferociously against the magic of my mirror and I tightened my grip on it so as not to drop it and face the wrath of Tetsuseiga's ultimate attack. Fortunately for me, my mirror overcame the power of Tetsuseiga. I watched in mild interest as Inuyasha's own attack came hurdling back at him. I wonder if he will be able survive it this time around. The Windscar tore at him with no remorse and the sheer power of it lifted the hanyou from the ground and threw him clear across the field.

Yet as I directed my attention to the people that usually accompany the demon, I realized that the Windscar wasn't quite finished. This should prove quite interesting. The monk had placed a weak spiritual barrier around both him and the Tajiya. Really, he can't possibly believe that that will hold through the attack. They will both be obliterated in a matter of seconds. I watched expectantly as the WIndscar came in contact with them but out of nowhere, a strong pinkish barrier melded with and fortified the one that the monk desperately put up. Only a miko can be capable of such a barrier as that. Yet the only miko around here is that strange girl that Inuyasha is so attached to and she wouldn't have the time or energy to put up such a strong blockade.

I glanced at the ground and noticed that it was a stray arrow that was emitting such a glow, an arrow that the seemingly defenseless untrained miko had shot. If this is the extent of her power without training, one can only imagine what kind of damage she can do with a little guidance. If Naraku has failed to realize her potential then he is a bigger fool that I thought.

But while the monk and the demon exterminator are protected by the miko's barrier, the miko herself and her fellow demon companions are left out in the open. They have nowhere to hide since they are in the middle of the open battling field and they don't have time to outrun it so their fate has already been determined. I wonder how the dog demon will react upon the realization that his own attack killed his companions. Oh how the drama will enfold. But what's this, at the last moment the transformed neko-youkai steps in front of the young kitsune and the girl to receive the full blow of the attack. So selfless a deed coming from a youkai nonetheless, this unconditional compassion I see is non-comprehensive to me.

I glance around the battlefield to survey the extent of my work. Inuyasha, lodged under huge amounts of Earth and debris lay still and unmoving as though dead. But I know that that's too much to hope for because it takes much more than a simple Windscar to take down a stubborn inu-hanyou such as he. The monk and his companion are untouched because of the miko's barrier that protected them witch nobody here could've foreseen. The cat youkai didn't fear so well though and the bloody mass of fur convulsing in spasms on the ground is a far cry from the proud, strong, brave youkai I noticed before all the chaos. Of course the young fox demon and the miko were unscathed because of the youkai's unselfishness. Putting yourself in danger for someone else so willingly is a concept I cannot yet grasp. I feel no joy or sorrow upon my part in Naraku's plans. I feel…nothing. But yet there is this weird ache where my heart would've been. It grows stronger the longer I stay around him. I wonder is this is what Kagura feels every day?

The hanyou is starting to stir so now would be the perfect time to finish him off. I step away from Naraku expecting him to finish the job his incarnations started. He walks up to Inuyasha but all he does is whisper something in his ears with the sadistic smile on his face. He's just toying with him because as we all know, manipulation is his pastime.

He glances back at me looking comfortably at ease. It's time to go. As long as the dog demon continues to amuse him, Naraku will spare his life for his own benefit. I start walk up beside him not even bothering to glance at him or anyone else. But then a gust of wind picks up and when it settled, a wolf demon stood in its place. That must be Kouga, the wolf youkai prince that both Kagura and Naraku have had the pleasure or rather displeasure of dealing with.

Naraku gave his trademark smirk once noticing him. If he came to help in the battle, he is too late. Now Naraku will either taunt him mercilessly or just dispose of him for his own twisted amusement. As Naraku started talking, I realized that he opted for the former and I soon tuned him out.

Looking subtly about me once again in pure boredom, I noticed the dog demon who already gained consciousness by now, is now trying to dislodge himself from the uprooted ground. A little help that'll do because he's buried so deep, it's like it's his natural gravesite. But his stubbornness could prove me wrong as it has to Kagura and Naraku many times before. In any case, we shouldn't stay here it's not safe.

I look towards Naraku and he's still tormenting the wolf demon who is holding back his bloodlust for Naraku just barely. It is surprising that he has more control than that of Inuyasha. Naraku as if tired of this charade gathered his youki about him to take to the sky. His body is barely discernable from his visible demonic aura yet I still heard his voice float through his youki calling me to him. I reluctantly walk up to him although that is not evident to the unskillful eye. As I step next to him his awful stench from his demon ki engulf me stinging my throat and I bite back the reflex to gag. He clamps his hand on my shoulder and I try not to flinch or show any discomfort.

We're high in the air now with Kagura trailing slightly behind us. I look down and see a bird's eye view of the battle field. Through the veil of the miasma that always seems to cling to Naraku like a cloak, I witness the Inu-tachi helping their fallen members. I suppose if I had a heart, I would've been moved to tears. Yet, I do not so as always I remain stoic and apathetic. The wolf demon is looking straight at us his face awash in full-blown hatred. I know he wants to follow us and to take down Naraku and his offsprings once and for all. But even with the power of the jewel shards he possesses, he cannot possibly expect to win.

Kagurais dripping blood, leaving an easy trail for the others to follow us. But they will have to get their companions medical attention first and by the time all of that is done with, we will be long gone and Kagura''s blood just an elusive scent on the wind.

I turn back around paying no heed to my flying partner, my master. Everyday I spend with him is filled with misery and cruelty with me alongside him, riding on the waves of his sadistic adventures. Yet I am not bothered too much by it as some people would be if they were put in my shoes. For I deal with all this everyday so this type of life feels almost natural too me.

When I dwell in my own little prison located in the back of my mind, I feel unaware to everything. If I had it my way I would remain there, always. But Naraku pulls me out of my haven to do his bidding and I can't do anything about that. I'm trapped with him, trapped in this lifestyle, yet I feel no envy of others, rather I feel numb and empty as if I'm missing something. I wonder what that something may be. I'm not like Kagura who riles up Naraku at every turn. She is such the masochist. This is my life and oh what a life it is. This is normalcy for me but I can't help but imagine what my life would've been like if circumstances were different.

I'm getting too carried away with these thoughts and having them while Naraku is so nearby isn't very smart for as I said before, Kagura is the masochist not I. So I allow my mind to fall blank, thinking of nothing and nobody. Yet a defiant mantra thrums through my head directed at the one and only. If only Kagura could hear my thoughts right now she would be surprised at the malice directed towards the demon she thought I secretly admired.

The castle is coming into view now. If I was a weaker demon, the wickedness that it is covered in would've twisted my stomach and the miasma would have engulfed me body and soul. But alas I am not, Naraku made sure of this. I don't know if I should be grateful or not.

We have descended now and Naraku is holding out his hand to me. He must be in a good mood tonight because usually he wouldn't give any of us the time of day. I placed my small pale one in his delicate long one and gracefully hopped off from my mode of transportation. How humorous it is to see that for a demon as malicious as he, his hands can be so feminine. But appearances can be deceiving and I should know that first hand.

We both walk off with me falling behind him to this prison he considers his home after he purged it of its previous inhabitants. Kagura is not here yet but I'm not worried. Even as injured as she is, she'll know the way back. She's probably just doesn't feel like stepping foot in here. I don't either but it's not like I have a choice in the matter. It's not like I can voice out my distaste of my life like Kagura does on occasion. For it isn't like me to act that way and I won't start acting out of character now it's beneath me to do so.

I enter this mansion and the heavy weight of oppression weighs me down on my shoulders. If I could I would leave this place, this graveyard of dreams of those who had the stupidity to try to rise against Naraku or who Naraku just decided to dispose of on a whim.. It's not possible to defeat him, at least not in this moment. But maybe, just maybe it soon will be and then both Kagura and I would be free.

I walk obediently down the halls behind Naraku, my feet not making a sound. It's times like these that I can believe that this is just a dream, and that I don't exist at all, oh how pleasant that would be. But all I have to do is dig into my recesses of suppressed emotions and feel the pain of it all and then I will know that I do very much exist much to my chagrin.

I enter into Naraku's so-called lair, where the miasma is strongest. I silently sink to my knees in the shadows of the room. I won't be permitted to leave him unless he says so. But it appears that he has already forgotten about me, for you know what they say- out of sight out of mind.

Right know he's just looking at the jewel shards he had just re-stolen from Inuyasha as it is slowly becoming tainted in his hands. There's a story behind those shards too. Inuyasha's gang had it then he stole it from them awhile back but then they recaptured it and now it's back in his hands. It was originally from the large fragment that the undead priestess gave to him so maybe this little stint goes farther back than that but that interests me not.

All of a sudden, Naraku gets up and leaves the room while pocketing the now slightly larger, highly tainted Shikon no Tama. With a quick glance my way, I know to stay here, here amongst this filth, this filth that fuzzies my mind making it more manageable for his manipulation.

Oh, how I despise this man. My heart beats in tune with this revived emotion. My heart must be in here somewhere because my feelings feel so strong and almost tangible. I look around and notice two discreet jars sitting behind me on a dusty shelf. No doubt, those jars will contain the hearts of my sister and me. I clench my mirror to resist the urge to just snatch them and leave. Kagura tried that once and she still bears the scars of that foolhardy move.

I notice the faint stench of blood, my blood. I look down at my hands and notice that one of my nails was snapped to the skin. I wonder why I didn't feel anything. Am I too uncontrolled of my emotions that even pain is unregistered to me? I watch absently as red, thick blood drips down my finger to run along the edge of my mirror and pool on its glassy surface. The edge is cracked…again. No doubt the result of my manhandling of it and the ferocity of the attack it fought back. This really is getting tiring, and it's all because of him, the cold-blooded half-blood vermin who I am forced to acknowledge as my superior.

My blood rises and my eyes bleed red for a moment. I struggle to get back in control. Unfortunately, the scent of my blood isn't helping any. I look into my mirror and see behind the bloodstained surface all the souls I have captured because of him…for him. I now have this sudden urge to do something, anything in rebellion of Naraku. My mind is so tremulous now I don't quite know what to say or do. My eyes stray from the stolen souls to my reflection from shine of my glistening blood. Do I really look like that so pale, so dead, so… desolate? Naraku's face imposed over mine and I feel this gut wrenching urge to break my most prized possession if only to stop seeing his smirking countenance. It's all his fault. It always is. Oh how I loathe this creature with everything I am.

This silence is suffocating me. I have never been claustrophobic before so I don't know why I feel like I am now. I feel as if I can't breath maybe it's just because my throat is clogged up. With what, I have no clue. I open my mouth to dispel this sense of unease. I taste the stagnant miasma with my tongue almost choking on it, but I ignore it. Instead, I focus on Naraku's blood tinted face on my mirror. My eyes are seemingly glued to his face and even when I close them, I can still summon up his image. And what a ghastly one it is at that. In the height of my emotional passion, I voice out the one sure feeling that has thrummed within me since my 'birth'.

"Na…Naraku, I hate you, you know."

Silence. Nothing. No great enlightenment is presented to me. All is quiet. Yet this silence isn't as oppressive and my soul feels lighter. I feel free although I am not. But that's okay at least for now. I attempt to smile at my mirror. It didn't come out like it does on other people so I stop. That's enough for now. I must remember, baby steps, baby steps.

I stand up and leave the room. The first time I ever rebelled against Naraku. Nothing much but it's the principle of the matter. My mirror drips my blood leaving a path but I ignore it. I pause in front of my room before moving on. I really don't want to be here when he comes back. He might cause me to revert to my old self and that is the last thing I want. I leave the mansion but not before wiping my mirror clean. I don't want to be found just yet.

I exit Naraku's barriers without looking back. I forced myself not to or else I may be reintroduced to Reason. Is this how Kagura feels, this liberated and rebellious? This is nice and all, but I fear that I may soon come to regret my actions for I am not known to be so…rash. I walk away from my dungeon, each step I take helps me overcome my hesitancy and unease.

But now that my traitorous deed is done, what am I to do? Where am I to go? I pause in the middle of the dusty road, in full view of any passerby including Naraku himself. But I take no heed of this for the second time in my life in and the same day, I am uncertain of…everything. This stress cannot be good for my emotional instability. Well, it isn't the destination that is important but the journey. So I set out once more with one foot placed in front of the other and thus repeated. Many a persons before me have journeyed like this so why not I? Although I may be clueless about the path I am taking which can be interpreted in both literal and symbolic retrospect, at least this way I'll be going somewhere. Ah, it seems so simple and maybe it truly can be.

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A/N: I really didn't intend for it to come out this way. I have no clue how this happened. I really guess that it is true that stories are apt to write themselves. Kanna may be OOC but try delving into her every thought and staying IC, that is a mighty feat that only the skilled few can be able to accomplish. It's strange that I'm writing in POV for I'm not really partial to it. Heavy dialogue is more of my thing. I'm happy that this is finally done. I may be a few weeks behind but I was upgrading my other stories too. All of them are updated this week hopefully, so be a sport and check them out. So what will befall Kanna, how will Naraku act to her betrayal and will the Inu-tachi get better soon? Find out on the next episode of All My Children. Aherm, I meant Musing of the Damned.