InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ My Heart blames it on me ❯ My Heart blames it on me ( Chapter 1 )

[ A - All Readers ]

My Heart blames it on me

- By Eleature

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. Lyrics are not mine either…

~*~*~

Inuyasha bowed his head after glimpsing her lithe form jumping down the well in the middle of the clearing. His bangs covered his eyes from view when he sensed the approach of the un-dead miko.

Kikyo stopped just after entering the clearing and he knew that she was regarding him with those empty cold calculating eyes again. He didn't really care anymore…

"Do you care for that girl more than you care for me?"

Kikyo's accusing voice echoed through the silent air, and inwardly, Inuyasha flinched.

Did he?

As he turned away from the well, Inuyasha met her eyes briefly before he lowered them again in something close to shame. He owed Kikyo his life. He would stand by his promise no matter how hard it hurt him, but Kagome… She didn't deserve to be hurt.

"You do, don't you?" Her voice was soft for once, dejected.

This time he did wince. Kikyo didn't deserve to be hurt either. It seemed like that was the only thing he was capable of doing. He always ended up hurting people he cared about, whether it was intentional or not didn't matter; only that he did.

"I'm sorry Kikyo. I… When the time comes, I'll come with you just like I promised, but that time is not now."

The silence ensued and after a short moment he realised that Kikyo had left again. Somehow he felt relief and at the same time he couldn't deny the pang of guilt that tugged at him. He felt torn.

After casting the well one last glance, he turned and made his way slowly towards the Sacred Tree.

He wondered if Kagome would return, or if he'd pushed her too far this time.

Where has my love gone?

How can I go on?

It seems your love has gone away

Sitting on a branch high up in the tree, Inuyasha closed his eyes and sighed heavily. Normally he would be able to push the unnerving feelings away and seek comfort in the familiarity of anger.

It didn't work this time, whenever he tried he was overwhelmed by the broken look he'd seen in Kagome's eyes.

It felt like the fire had gone out of him…

He knew that Kagome didn't like it when he went to see Kikyo, but on the other hand, she seemed to understand why he did it too.

He felt bound to the memory of who Kikyo used to be and he couldn't abandon her. He had loved her… once. Now it was all messed up. He still cared for Kikyo, but not the way he used to. Before Naraku… no, before Kagome he never would have doubted that he loved Kikyo.

Where is my spirit?

I'm nowhere near it

Oh, yes my love has gone astray

It wasn't supposed to be this way. He didn't know how it was supposed to be, but he did know that it wasn't meant to be like this.

But I'll blame it on the sun

The sun that didn't shine

I'll blame it on the wind and the trees

I'll blame it on the time that never was enough

I'll blame it on the tide and the sea

But my heart blames it on me

Slowly, Inuyasha rose from his position in the tree and jumped down. He couldn't take this anymore.

~*~

Kagome was on her bed face down. The sobs that shook her small form were muffled by the soft pillow.

Inuyasha had done it again. He'd gone to see Kikyo, but that wasn't really what bothered her. She knew that he had obligations to the dead miko. She knew it and accepted it, but that didn't mean that she had to like it.

She was just so scared.

She was terrified that Kikyo would go through with what she'd said and take Inuyasha to hell with her. He didn't deserve that. He hadn't done anything wrong. He was just as unfortunate as Kikyo in the betrayal that Naraku had plotted against them.

When she had come across their meeting in the forest, she hadn't run because she was hurt. She could handle the hurt. She had to… for him. No, she had run because she couldn't bare the thought that Kikyo might take Inuyasha from her. She had run because she knew there was nothing she could do to prevent it if it happened.

She could never be able to see Inuyasha being dragged to hell without the ability to prevent it. She had tried before and realised that it was close to impossible. Besides, after Kikyo's first attempt Kagome had realised that it wasn't her decision.

As much as it hurt her to think about it, she had realised that Inuyasha's and Kikyo's bond was greater then she could fathom. They loved each other and she didn't have the right to come between them.

Who poured the love out?

What made this bitter doubt?

Is peace not here for me to see?

Kagome was willing to do anything for Inuyasha if it meant that he would be happy. She'd die for him if it was necessary, but since it wasn't she couldn't compare to Kikyo's sacrifice.

If it would mean Inuyasha's happiness, she'd do more than what Kikyo had been willing to do. She'd let him die. If it meant that he would be happy, she'd let him follow Kikyo to hell.

Because she loved him.

I wish I could tell you

What I am feeling

But words won't come for me to speak

As Kagome's sobs stilled and her mind became fuzzy with exhaustion, she picked up a picture of Inuyasha and looked on it. She had taken it without his knowledge. It was one of her rare prized possessions…

He was sitting on a grassy hill in his normal doggy-position, staring up at the blue sky. His face was for once carefree as he regarded a lone butterfly. She wished she'd known what he was thinking on. She wished she knew what made him smile… what made him happy.

She never had the guts to ask…

Oh, but I will blame it on the sun

That didn't fill the sky

I'll blame it on the birds in the trees

I'll blame it on the day that ended once too soon

I'll blame it on the nights I could not leave

Feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted, it didn't take long before sleep claimed Kagome, but not even her dreams were free of worry.

~*~

Inuyasha opened the window quietly and jumped inside Kagome's room. His gaze instantly fell on the girl sleeping on the bed and his heart ached for her when he detected the salty tinge to the air.

She'd been crying again.

Sighing softly he walked slowly towards her and lowered himself carefully onto the edge of her bed. He stopped his hand from touching her when it reached out on its own accord. He wanted to apologise… to make everything right again, but he couldn't. Everything wasn't right.

Lowering his eyes from her form, he noticed the picture she was clutching in her hand. Bending over he snuck a peek and saw himself sitting on a hill with a smile. He remembered that moment even if he hadn't noticed Kagome taking the picture. He had been too caught up in his thoughts.

He had thought about Kagome… it seemed like that was the only thing he did. Shrugging his shoulders, he sat in content silence for a while just enjoying her company.

The peace was interrupted by Kagome's sudden whimpering. Blinking in surprise, he leaped off the bed and turned to return to the window. He didn't want to be caught in her room now…

There would be too many complications.

But then her helpless whimper registered in his mind along with the spiky scent of fear that reached his nose.

He couldn't leave her. Not now. Not when she so obviously needed comfort. He hesitated briefly before returning to her side by the bed.

I'll blame it on the sun

The sun that didn't shine

I'll blame it on the wind and the trees

I'll blame it on the time that never was enough

I'll blame it on the tide and the sea

But my heart blames it on me

Kagome shook slightly as her whimpering escalated and finally Inuyasha couldn't stand it anymore. Reaching forwards slowly, he traced his claws through the black, soft hair that framed her face and talked to her with an unusual soft, comforting voice.

"Shh… it's alright Kagome… don't worry. I'm here…"

She calmed down as soon as his voice reached her and he was about to stand up and leave again when he saw that her eyes fluttered softly as she woke up.

She stared at him in wide-eyed wonder for a second and Inuyasha began to find the situation somewhat uncomfortable.

"I didn't mean to wake y…"

He didn't get to finish the sentence as Kagome suddenly flung her arms around him in an unexpected embrace. Her body began to shake again with restrained sobs as she tried to convince herself that it really was him.

He hadn't left with Kikyo after all. Not yet at least…

Inuyasha awkwardly patted her on the back as he tried to sooth her fears. He wasn't really used to situations like this, but for once he didn't mind. It felt soothing for him too that she had her arms around him.

That meant that she'd forgiven him again…

He loved her more because of that, but he didn't know if he deserved her forgiveness…

My heart blames it on me…

He knew he'd hurt her again… eventually.