InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Naraku's Playhouse ❯ Bitch-Slapped by a Zombie ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

"Inu-Yasha!""What now?! I'm trying to clean the god damn pool!"
Inuyasha yanked the skimmer through the leaf-strewn water, growling in annoyanceat the fact that it wasn't working.
"Stupid fucking skimmer!"
"Calm down Inuyasha, no need to get all heated over the damn thing."

The hanyou looked over his shoulder at his boss, momentarily stopping his half-assed assault on the pool. "Whad'u want Naraku?" Said spider hanyu smirked, eyeing up the more than half naked man before him.

"I came to see how you were getting along, but it seems by your behaviour not so well." Inuyasha snorted. "It's not my fault this damn thing doesn't work. I think it's defective or something." He cast an evil sidelong glance at the long metalic blue pole in his hands.

"Nonsense. You're just not doing it right. Here, let me show you." Instead of simply taking the skimmer from the inu's grasp, Naraku moved up behind him, much to the hanyu's suprise. And displeasure.

"What the hell-"
"Like this."
Grabbing Inuaysha's wrists, he proceeded to give a demonstration on the proper use of a pool skimmer, pressing himself up against the inu in the process.

Inuyasha twitched as he relized what his boss was doing, unsure whether to beat the shit out of him, or throw up. "Gee, thanks alot. You can let go of me now."

Naraku looked around innocently at Inuyasha the poolboy/lifeguard/eye candy. "What? Don't you like my demonstration?"

Inuyasha gagged down the bile that'd risen into his throat as he tried to remeber exactly what it was that he'd been on when he agreed to take the stupid job. He groaned. It was gonna be a long damn day.

~

"Hey Kagura, come see who Naraku's man-handeling now." Kagura sighed in exasperation. "How many sexual harrasment suites have to be filed against him before he gets it?!"

Hakudoshi frowned, still looking out the window.
"Obviously more than 47."
"Perhaps Naraku is going for a record."
They both turned to look at the small colorless girl that was Kanna. "You know, you could be right..."

Kagura stared at the ceiling, completly unpreturbed by the layers of spiderwebs covering it. Her only thought on it being to wonder if the ceiling had gotten lower.

"Well whatever the hell he's trying to accomplish better get accomplished soon, because I'm sick of doing all that damn paperwork." Turning to the wind youkai, Hakudoshi frowned. "Since when do you do paperwork? In fact, when have you ever picked up a peice of paper?"

Sinking down onto the nearest peice of furniture, she glared idely at the pink haired kid. "I do paperwork because that's what His Royal Bastardness orders of me. So I get to sign forms all day long detailing his various offenses. Mostly his fucking sexual harrasment shit."

Hakudoshi just rolled his eyes.
"What'd you expect from him? He never does anything for himself. I'm always the one who gets to do while he watches, munching popcorn and snorting cocain."
"Cocain again? Jeez the guys like a fucking broken record. Heroin, cocain, heroin, cocain, cocaine, pot, cocain, meth, cocain-"
"And hopefully never again, speed."
"Or ecstasy."
All three shuddered at the memories.

"Changing the subject," Kagura leaned forward, her eyes fixed on Kanna. "Zombie Whore find her nose yet?" A faint flicker of humor could be seen in Kanna's dead eyes.
"No."
"I wonder why that is? Any ideas, Kanna?"

Kagura looked between an evily grinning Hakudoshi and a more-or-less devoid of emotion Kanna. "Don't tell me..." Crimson eyes flew to abyss-black ones. The slight uplift at the corners of the girls mouth said it all.

"You stole Zombie Whore's nose?!" Kanna shook her head.
"I found it, and disposed of it as was appropriate."
"Dispose? Wait, don't tell me you destroyed it?! Anything but that!"
"Why? What did you-"
"Blackmail!"

The void's eyes widened ever so slightly, then jumped to Hakudoshi.
"Yes, blackmail. Or a barganing chip, or downpayment. Anything really, so long as it's good."
"Please tell me you didn't destroy it kid."

Holding her mirror towards them, she shook her head. Both glanced at the mirror more out of habit than anything, though both did a double-take. The mirror showed a large image of a place somewere in the castle, the nose clearly unharmed.

"But you said you disposed of it.."
"I meerly put it with the rest of the worthless nasty junk Naraku has."
Kagura made a face. "Ug, that's disgusting."
"Yes. And as you can see it's unharmed...mostly."

Coming over, Hakudoshi put his hand on the girl's shoulder. "You know Kanna, you're more evil than we give you credit for." Kanna looked emotionlessly up at him.
"She called me a colorless little bitch, so I stole her nose when she was sleeping."
"I thought you found it?"
"Yes, on her face."

Hakudoshi grinned and nodded in approval, while Kagura was just stunned. "You took it off her face?!" Kanna just looked at her. "yes." Making a face, Kagura leaned back and crossed her arms and legs. "Disgusting, but effective." Hakudoshi nodded then wandered back to the window to see if Naraku was still at it.

"I wonder why I didn't think of it?" Kagura snorted. "Please. Your impulsive actions only include killing things. And since Zombie Whore's already dead..." Wrinkling his nose, he idely watched a spider crawl across the pane of glass before him. "Good point." He crushed the spider under his thumb, his expresion unchanging.

"Looks like Naraku's still trying to get a peice of Inuyasha's ass." Kanna moved to stand next to him, looking out as well. "I let Zombie Whore in." Both Kagura and Hakudoshi looked at her.
"What?!"
"Just a little while. I expect she'll find him soon..."

Standing, Kagura joined the two at the window. Naraku had somehow gotten Inuyasha backed up against one of the house pillars, and was casually showing off his "bod". Disguised, so he thought, by the fact he was attempting to chat him up.

Said acts put a look of disgust on all three faces of their audience. "Something about seeing that disgustes me." Cocking a brow, Hakudoshi turned to look up at her. "What, the fact Naraku's flirting with Inuyasha or the fact his shirt's off?"

Turning her back to the window, she crossed her arms.
"Both."
"It seems Inuyasha feels the same."
Glancing first at Kanna, Kagura looked over her shoulder out the window.

Inuyasha was holding the skimmer before him like a sword in an obvious attempt to keep Naraku away from his person. Unfortunatly for him, the spider hanyu decided to not get the very obvious hint of disinterest.

Swatting the pole away, Naraku shunted Inuyasha backwards until his back hit the pillar, Naraku then pinning him. "I think I actually feel sorry for the inu." Kagura and kanna nodded in agreement.

"You bastard!" Zombie Whore's screeching voice drew their attention, Kagura turning fully to watch the scene before them.

Naraku visibly flinched at the sound of his lover's voice. Pushing off the pillar, he turned a sickening grin on her. "Kikyou, my darling! I didn't know you were coming over today." Crossing her arms she glared at him.

"Obviously. So you going to tell me what the hell your doing or what?" Naraku moved towards her. Something a sane person would run from. "You now how the help gets. I was just trying to persuade him to do his job." Repulsion and disbelief conquered her face. "You disgusting son of a bitch."

Kagura, Kanna, and Hakudoshi grinned, all wishing the nose-less bitch'd hit him.
"Hey Kagura, I'll bet you two crack cookies and half my paycheck he talks her into bed."
"As horrible an image that is, you're on. Hopefully she hits him." They shook over Kanna's head, then turned back to Kikyou and Naraku.

"Lecturing my ass! You were flirting with him!" The spider hanyu scowled. "Well maybe if you put out more I wouldn't have to flirt with the help!" Eyes narrowing, Kikyou took a threatening step towards him and then slapped him as hard as she could without loosing a hand.

"How dare you!" Turning on her heel, Kikyou stormed off towards the door. After regaining his balance and shaking off the assault on his person, Naraku hallered after her.
"Hey wench! Wait!"
"Fuck you you perverted baboon! It's OVER!"

Scowling, he turned to Inuyasha. "Get back to work." Blinking, Inuyasha moved to comply as Naraku stalked off.

"Damn." Kagura turned, grinning smugly, to Hakudoshi. "Looks like I win." Wordlessly, he dug into his pockets and came up with two of Naraku's "special" cookies and 25 bucks.

handing it over, he shrugged. "At least we got to see Zombie Whore hit him." She nodded, counting the bills.
"That's 10 for Zombie whore and 7 for the perverted crossdressing necropheliac."
"Now if only they'd try to kill each other..."
Hakudoshi grinned evilly. "Well..."