InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Never eat strange things before bed ❯ Interview ( Chapter 4 )

Interviews with the chars.

The only thing I own is this computer and the character Jade, the inuneko youkai.

Jade offers Sango some horderves: So, ah…Sango. How have things been?

Sango seems to be disturbed: Even in my dreams that hentai still manages to violate me!

Jade coughs: Yeah, but that's because he loves you…or some heartfelt sentimental piece of shit whatever…

Sango: I'll strangle him myself!

Jade twitches, having been ignored.

Sango thinks about how much she really loves Miroku.

Jade: So what's it like traveling with everyone?

Sango: It's all good, Kagome is a great friend and Inuyasha would put his life on the line for you. But that useless little shit Shippou keeps getting in the way of everything, I mean…last night me and Miroku were trying to have some private time and he shows up and made it look like Miroku was doing something wrong…so Inuyasha beat him up -=cries=- Me and Miroku will never get our chance while he's around.

Jade ushers the crying Sango away: Ah…thank you for your time Sango…

Miroku gropes Sango on her way out and gaks, walking in with a big lump on his head from Sango but when he sees Jade he rushes up and takes her hand: Wow, I never thought a youkai could be so beautiful!

Jade growls and pulls her hand away: No touchy, or you shall be neutered.

Miroku's eyes get all huge and he runs out screaming.

Jade pulls at her hair in frustration.

Kagome steps in and waves.

Jade blinks and composes herself: So what's it like being the reincarnation of a priestess who's back now to drag your beloved to hell?

Kagome twitches and turns red: Kikyou is dead! She doesn't own my Inuyasha! She can't take him to hell with her!

Jade: So what do you plan on doing about that?

Kagome shakes with rage: I'll kill that bitch!

Jade points Kagome to the door, which slams shut with Kagome on the hunt for Kikyou.

Kirara walks in and hops into the chair: Mau…

Jade: Mau?

Kirara gets all excited: Mau!

The meowing continues back and forth for like 30 minutes, no one understands what they're speaking about. After Jade nods, Kirara mews cutely and leaves.

Shippou hops in and giggles innocently: Hello kitty dog person!

Jade: So Shippou, are you still trying to catch Inuyasha and Kagome kiss?

Shippou: Yeup! And I'm gonna use it against them when I do!

Jade: Interesting…what do you think of Kouga?

Shippou: He's a big stinky bully! But so is Inuyasha! And his ears smell like cheese!

Inuyasha yells from behind the door: I heard that you stupid fox!

Shippou yelps and hides behind his chair.

Jade: There's a doggy door over there; you can escape that way.

Shippou yelps as Inuyasha bangs on the door and he runs to the doggy door, squeezing through just as Inuyasha breaks the door open.

Jade glares at him: What the hell! Fix that door!

Inuyasha: Make me, wench mix-breed!

Jade snarls: I'll stick you in a closet with Jakotsu!

Inuyasha: You're bluffing, he's not even here.

Jade points to a window where Jakotsu is enthusiastically waving in to Inuyasha.

Inuyasha quickly fixes the door and hops into the big chair, simply mortified at the fact that Jakotsu was there.

Jade: As long as you cooperate, he can't hurt you.

Inuyasha nods and curls up into a ball, hoping Jakotsu can't see him anymore.

Jade: So…is it true that you love Kagome?

Inuyasha forgets that Jakotsu was there and gets upset at Jade: Feh! Why would you ask such a stupid question like that!

Jade points to the cue cards: Because they said I have to.

Inuyasha glances to the cards to see that he's supposed to answer that he loves Kagome and that they were going to have 20 children and all of them would have doggy ears like his.

Jade and Inuyasha both shudder at the thought of poor Kagome having 20 children…that poor woman.

The man holding the cards growls and points at the words on the cards, getting pissed that they are ignoring him.

Man: Damnit! Read your lines!

They look at each other and nod, jumping on the man holding the cue cards and tie him up and gag him with a sweaty gym sock. Minutes later, they attack the cameraman, tying him up too.

Inuyasha: What should we do with those cards?

Jade: I've the perfect idea.

Jade takes the lighter out of the man's pocket and discards his cigarettes, she struggles with the lighter for a few minutes before getting it lit and she sets the cards on fire.

Inuyasha: Woohoo!

Since there are a lot of cue cards they keep feeding the fire and Inuyasha pulls out Miroku's stash of sake.

Jade: Oh hell yeah.

They start drinking the sake while feeding the fire the mountain of cue cards.

Jade: ^hic^ So…ah…what should we do with the guy?

Inuyasha: Meh? Uh…we could…hold him ransom?

Jade: What a brilliant idea! -=takes another swig of sake and passes the jug=-

Inuyasha: What though?

Jade: What what?

Inuyasha: What what? What?

Jade: What what what?!

They roll on the floor laughing whenever they realize that the camera is still rolling.

Jade coughs: Ok, so ah…what do you want?

Inuyasha: Ramen and pocky.

Jade: Ok…Alrighty then, Inuyasha, you know how to use one of these?

Inuyasha: Yeah, you just look through it or whatever. -=he gets behind the camera and points it at Jade=-

Jade: Attention…lackeys and pencil monkeys. We are holding your precious cue card guy and the camera man hostage for the ransom of…five cases of assorted ramen, and…ten pounds of catnip…oh and some sushi and a quart of cream…also a few more bottles of sake…err…make that a few more cases…and all of the cue cards in this studio.

The camera ceases to function.

The network is baffled by the strange requests and says "What the hell", the ransom is met and the men are released, but the two stay in the room to finish burning the mountain of cue cards.

None of the Inuyasha gang dared to go in the room to confront a drunken youkai and a hanyou so they decide to let it ride out. Besides…the cat had catnip…

It had been nearly two weeks before Hiei had been called in to `escort' the two off the premises and he walks into the room: Oh dear god my eyes!

All furniture in the room was thrown into the fire and there was no more food or sake. The both of them had used the catnip, and there they were, doing a ritualistic dance around the mountain of fire with the horderves smeared over their naked bodies.

( >.>; blame my friend caffeine )