InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Night Thoughts ❯ Night Thoughts ( One-Shot )

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Watching you sleep, I can't help but wonder...what do you dream about?
Snuggled in that weird thing you call a 'sleeping bag', Shippo curled at your side, I watch you...you're so peaceful when you sleep, you know that? One could never imagine how you are when awake. Heh. I smirk a bit, thinking. You're so...amazing Kagome. Awake or asleep, angry or calm...even when I'm pissed at you, a part of me says 'wow, she's pretty'.
Keh. You call me an insensitive bastard who doesn't know a thing, and that's fine. It's better if you see that then how I really am, how I really feel.
But you know anyway, don't you Kagome? You see through my armor of harsh words and boasts, I guess it's because I've shown you my soft side sometimes, when you've been in danger....or I've been in that cursed human state.
Well, it's ok I guess, since it's too late to take back those soft-spoken words and gentle looks. I love you Kagome. I truly do.
Oh you'll never hear me say it, it would be cruel beyond cruel to say it, even if my pride would let me. We can't ever be together Kagome, not once Naraku is destroyed and the Shikon no Tama is whole again.
Miroku, Sango, Kirara....even Shippo....you're all going to leave me behind once this is over. Shippo needed to be cared for, but the others...the rest were brought together by mutual hatred of Naraku, and you because you could sense the shards. But once that's all over, they'll leave and you'll leave.
You won't even leave me the Tama, will you Kagome? Heh, I guess I wouldn't blame you, you know what I'd do with it. Looking down at you now, I feel my eyes burn with supressed tears. I'll miss you when you leave for good....
But I'm being stupid, that probably won't be for a long while yet.
I feel like a monster for hoping it takes a long, long time...
But I'm so afraid of losing you, all of you.
I curl up on the branch, my eyes fixed on you. There's another reason I don't want the quest to end...because at the end of it, Kikyo might demand my life, and I'll have to give it, for I owe it to her.
I don't want to die...
Oh, I am such a coward! Nearly every day of my life has been a life and death struggle, but it's in battle that I want to die if die I must, not at the hands of one of the women I love!
Loved...
Kikyo...she's not the same. She's become even more cold, and so cruel...so wrong...tainted.
Rebirth has corrupted her, and sometimes she scares me.
I hop down from the branch silently and crouch at your side, peering at your sleeping face and my heart aches. I love you, but I can't say it. I want to hold you, touch you, but I can't do it. You're so close, but so damn far away!
And it hurts worse than getting Sesshomaru's poison claw through my stomach did...
At this moment, I feel....I feel like I'd do anything for you. I feel out of control, with you as my only support. It gets like this sometimes at night, when I'm left alone to think far more than anyone who wishes to stay sane should.
I'm crazy, sick with love. The sun's arrival cures it, thank the Gods, but at night the feelings rage free through my veins and makes me want to howl.
I smile faintly, glad that you'll never know the true depths of my feelings. You care for me too, I know it as surely as I breathe, but for either of us to actually openly admit it would destroy us, because something will keep us apart. Your far away time or my promise to Kikyo...something will ensure that our hearts would break, and it would be so much more painful to part like that, then to part like this.
I have to hurt you Kagome, in order to protect you....
Back to my tree now, and you never knew I was at your side. I'm glad...glad you don't know about these night thoughts.
I look down at you, and at the others and I smirk. Yes, though we will part one day, for now we are together, and that is good enough.