InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ No Me Without You ❯ One-Shot

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer:  I do not own the characters of Inuyasha.

~oOo~

Kagome sighed deeply, a sad, soft sound in the deepening twilight, and turned away from the sight before her – Inuyasha, standing with a saddened expression on his beautiful face before Kikyou's monument, his hand still gently resting against it.

I should have known, she thought painfully as she walked silently away from the grieving hanyou.  Even after over three years, he still misses her.  I bet that my return has only hurt him worse... my presence here where it should have been her.  I probably should have stayed away... but I couldn't, she acknowledged to herself.  I love him so much, and he's been hurt so much in life... I wish there was a way for me to give him what he wants so badly.  I'd gladly return her... well maybe not so gladly, but still, I'd do it for him, if it meant that he'd be happy.  I only always want him to be happy – he deserves it.

She stepped slowly down the stairs, her mind lost in her saddened ruminations, not realizing that the hanyou on her mind was now standing at the top of those same stairs... and looking at her with longing in his eyes.  Too fixated on the idea that he was still in love with, and missing Kikyou, she had no idea that it wasn't like that at all...

And Inuyasha had yet to tell her.

It, would, perhaps, have been better if he had...

~oOo~

The next morning, over a silent breakfast, Kaede eyed Kagome and wondered what was on the young woman's mind – it was obvious that something was troubling her, and the elderly miko was concerned; Kagome's usual bubbly personality was completely absent.

Had something happened between she and the hanyou she'd returned to the past to be with?  The elderly miko couldn't discount the possibility, though she couldn't fathom what it could be; it was beyond obvious that the young hanyou loved her and wanted her in his life.  He'd mourned deeply when she'd been gone, holding out hope beyond hope that she'd find her way back to him.

And she had – through Kaede's own doubts, the girl had found her way back.  But it was clear that something was wrong...

“What troubles ye, Kagome-chan?”  the wise old woman asked, sipping her tea and then setting it aside as she stirred the remains of the breakfast fire.

Pulled from her morose and painful thoughts, Kagome at first hadn't caught the elderly miko's question, but when it was repeated, she blinked, then shook her head.  “I'm just... thinking.”   A frown creased her brow, and she asked slowly,  “What can you tell me about reincarnation, Kaede-baa-chan?”  

With her eyes locked on the glowing coals in the firepit, she missed the older woman's sharp glance.  “May I ask why ye would ask such a question?”

“Well, I really don't know all that much about it, you know, except the very basics.  With the situation the way it is,”  she said delicately,  “and has been, for me here, I'd have to know a few things, ne?  But... what does it really mean that I carry Kikyou's soul?  I mean, when it's said that way, it's almost like I stole it or something,”  she finished sadly.  “I feel guilty.”

“Oh, my dear young one, it does not mean that at all.  Really, it is a wrong to call it 'Kikyou's soul', because others have held it besides my sister, ye know.  And now it is your soul, never forget that.  Once a being has moved on, they no longer have any claim on the soul that has been reborn in another.”

“But,”  the frown furrowed deeper,  “why do we forget our past life?  If we're supposed to be learning lessons from it, forgetting it doesn't seem to be the way to go,”  Kagome sighed, shaking her head.  “It's kind of hard to learn a lesson from something you've forgotten.”

“Ah, but while your conscious mind may not remember, Kagome-chan, the memories are all still there.  That is why each incarnation is different from the one before – if ye were to truly forget the past lessons, ye would be merely an exact copy of Kikyou-oneesan, and ye are not.  Ye are Kagome.”  She watched the young woman carefully, not certain why this was on the girl's mind.  “But what was once Kikyou-oneesan does live on inside ye – those memories, what made my sister my sister still lives in ye, and has an influence on ye, making ye who ye are now.”

So... Kikyou really is here inside me, asleep in my mind.  If I could wake her up... “In my time,”  she said finally, after a silence that had lasted a few minutes,  “there are those who know how to awaken your mind to your past lives...”  she trailed off, not certain of what she really wanted to say.

“And why would ye need to awaken Kikyou's memory from within ye, Kagome, my child?”  the elder asked, eyes narrowing on her thoughtfully.

At that, the girl in question looked up, meeting Kaede's gaze fully for the first time that morning.  “Oh, it's not that,”  she laughed, a little nervously.  “I was just thinking, you know, about it all, and time, and everything that's happened,”  she dismissed with a wave of the hand, obviously not wanting to talk about it anymore.  “My mind wanders to strange things now and then, that's all.”

“Hm,”  Kaede intoned, her gaze still sharp on the young woman for a few more moments, before she let the subject close.  “I wonder where Inuyasha is – it be odd that he has not arrived for breakfast.”

Kagome flinched a little at his name, then shook her head.  “I think he's probably at the Goshinboku,”  she replied after a moment.  “He was... reminiscing last night, I think.  You know... about the past, and everything that's happened.”

Ah... and now we are getting somewhere, Kaede thought to herself.  It is obvious that what she believes his thoughts were have brought on hers...

“Yesterday was the fifty-three year anniversary of my sister's original death – and also his pinning to the tree.  I believe he visited her grave,”  Kaede nodded, noting the flash of sadness that crossed the girl's face at that.  Yes... I was right.  “As did I,”  she finished softly.

“I'm sorry, Kaede-baa-chan,”  Kagome said painfully, her gaze lowering again.  “It's probably really awkward to have me here, ne?  Maybe... I should have stayed in my time.”  Her shoulders slumped a bit, and Kaede was becoming more and more certain of where the girl's thoughts lay.

“If that had been your fate, then ye would have,”  she said calmly, taking another sip of her tea.  “And at one time, I thought ye would be forever locked away in your birth era, though I prayed that it was not so.  But it is obvious that fate had another idea, and ye have returned here – meaning this is where ye belong.  And no, it is not awkward to have ye here, child... it is quite comforting – and for more than me alone.  Ye were greatly missed while ye were gone – thy hanyou didn't know what to do with himself without ye, truly.”

Blushing, Kagome shook her head in negation.  “Oh, I'm sure he would have been okay,”  she got out, standing up quickly and picking up her bow and quiver, slinging them over her shoulder before grabbing up the empty dishes with a nervous smile.  “I'll go take care of these, and then bring them back.”

“Kagome-chan,”  Kaede called just as she stepped through the matting over the door,  “do not do anything foolish,”  she warned.  “Things are not always as ye think they are.”

She watched as Kagome's back stiffened, but the young woman dressed in miko robes didn't say anything, simply letting the matting clatter back down behind her as she disappeared.

The elderly miko sighed, and then setting her cup aside, went to hunt down a certain hanyou.  This triangle could no longer be allowed to go on...

Bad things would happen if it did.

~oOo~

“Inuyasha.”

“Oi, old woman,”  the hanyou greeted, swinging his leg over the limb he was sitting on and hopping to the ground.   “What did you need?”  He looked around, openly scenting the area.  “And where's Kagome?”

“She is at the river cleaning the breakfast dishes,”  the elderly woman replied.  “And she is who we need to speak of.  Ye should take a seat,”  she said, folding her own tired body into a comfortable position and looking up at the handsome hanyou who was now frowning at her.  
“What's wrong?”  he asked, plopping gracefully down and folding his hands into his sleeves.

With a sigh, Kaede studied him for a moment, wondering how he was going to react to her words.  “What do ye intend to do about her?”  she asked bluntly.   “She returned for ye... but ye have said nothing to her.  Do ye care for the girl as a wife, or not?”

Eyes wide, Inuyasha blushed fiercely, totally startled at the subject.  “K-keh!”  he spluttered, his face as red as his scarlet fire-rat.  “What's brought this on, Kaede?”

“Can ye not answer a simple question – or is the truth that ye are still conflicted between Kagome and the memory of my sister?”  she asked, hoping with all her heart that the answer was no.  She didn't believe he was still really grieving over Kikyou, though – what she'd told Kagome was true, after all – the hanyou had missed her deeply, and her absence had hurt him terribly.  

Still, the question needed to be asked – and answered.

Eyes narrowing on her suddenly, Inuyasha seemed to catch on that there was some important reason she was asking.  “Spill it – why the hell are you so worried?  And you know better – I'll always remember Kikyou, but I'm at peace with what happened, and have no desire to go back to the way things were.  I'd think you of all people would know that by now – it's not like we haven't talked about it before.”

“But perhaps it is not I that needs to know those things, Inuyasha,”  she retorted, a bit sarcastically.  “Shouldn't it be Kagome ye are telling those things to?”

Inuyasha blinked at her tone.  “And I will!”  he snapped after a moment.  “But I'm tryin' to figure out how to ask, if ya gotta know.”

“Take this as a warning, Inuyasha,”  the elderly woman said as she painfully stood up again,  “Ye would be better off blurting it out than waiting.  I do not think ye have any time left,”  she completed, holding his stunned gaze for a long moment, and then turning to head back to the village.

“Oi,”  he yelled out as he stared after her,  “what the hell's that supposed to mean?”

There was no answer from the aged figure of the miko shuffling slowly back towards the village...

~oOo~

“Ah, but while your conscious mind may not remember, Kagome, the memories are all still there.”

Kaede's words kept echoing through Kagome's mind as she scrubbed at the dishes, only one small part of her really paying any attention to her surroundings and all the other young women at the shore also doing the morning dishes.  

“But what was once Kikyou-oneesan does live on inside ye – those memories, what made my sister my sister still lives in ye, and has an influence on ye, making ye who ye are now.”

She rinsed the bowl in her hands, then set it aside carefully.

I guess... there really is no me without you, Kikyou.  You came before, and I wouldn't exist if you hadn't – at least, not the way I am now.  And I guess the same could be said for you – it makes me wonder who our first incarnation was.  Kagome sighed at that thought, her shoulders slumping.  But really, I guess that doesn't matter – in this place, and at this time, only Kikyou's incarnation matters.  If I had wanted to live as Kagome, then I should have stayed in the era I was born in.  Now that I'm here... maybe I should become Kikyou once more, instead.  Give her life again, so that she could live as she was supposed to have.  After all, it is her era, and not mine... that would straighten the timelines out once more, too.  

She was tugged from her thoughts by a familiar voice hailing her as Sango joined her at the river, her own dishes held in a carrying cloth over her shoulder.

“Good morning, Kagome-chan,”  she said cheerfully, a bright smile on her face at the sight of her best friend.  She had never been so glad to see a person as when she'd arrived at the edge of the well clearing and seen the younger woman held in a very relieved hanyou's arms.  “Beautiful day, isn't it?”  

“Oh, um, yeah!”  she smiled, a bit strained.  “It sure is.”  She looked around at the sunlight shining off the water, taking an appreciative breath of the sweet air, and sighed once more, her smile becoming true.  “I really missed this place while I was gone.  It's funny,”  she mused, almost to herself,  “but for someone born and raised in my era, I certainly changed really fast to preferring this one.  I wonder why?”

Sango, missing her slightly distracted air, smiled softly at her.  “Because you were meant to live here, Kagome-chan, that's why.”  She nudged her braid over her shoulder as she rinsed the cup in her hands.  “I am so glad you're back, too... and I'm not the only one,”  she teased.  “Inuyasha really missed you, you know.  There were so many times I would see him staring in the direction of the well with this sad, lost look on his face – this look of longing.  And he tried the well every three days for the entire time you were gone, too.  If you hadn't come back... I don't know what he'd have done.”

There was silence for a moment, and a tiny frown creased Sango's brow as she sneaked a glance at her friend; she looked so sad.  What's that look for...?  “Kagome?”  she asked, turning to look at her fully, concern sharpening her voice.  “What's wrong?”

“I'm sure he's happy to see me,”  Kagome finally answered, looking away as she busily began to gather the dishes she'd washed into her carrying cloth.  “But I'm equally sure he'd have been okay if I hadn't come back - really.  He's got lots to live for now, he doesn't need me.”

She was startled from her preoccupation with loading the dishes into the cloth at the sound of a hand meeting flesh.  Half expecting to see Miroku cupping his wife's behind with a red handprint across his face, she looked over to see Sango's own hand held against her forehead, instead.  

“Don't tell me you two still haven't settled things between you!   What's it going to take?  The end of the world?”

Blushing, Kagome stared at her friend.  “What do you mean?  Settled what?  I think, if anything, what Inuyasha never got to settle was his and Kikyou's lives.  There's nothing between he and I to 'settle', after all – my feelings don't count, Sango-chan,”  she sighed as the slayer started to protest.  “We were companions on a quest – it's not like we had a romance to settle between us, no matter what I wanted.  But he and Kikyou did... and they never got to be together.  It isn't fair!”

“Oh, for kami's sake, Kagome!  Surely you have to know better than that?  I can guarantee you it hasn't been Kikyou he's been missing for three long years.  You know, this separation between you two was harder on him than any of that with Kikyou was.  After all, she pinned him, and he slept for fifty years.  He didn't have to miss anybody.  But this time, with you gone, he was awake – and suffering.  Sometimes... I would wonder how he could stand it – he felt so alone, and we could all see it, since he didn't even try to hide it.  And even though we all tried to keep him occupied, we could tell how much he missed you.  We're his friends, but you... you're so much more than that, and you should know it by now.”

Kagome shook her head.  “I'm not, Sango... only part of me is, and you know what I mean.  The part that used to be Kikyou...”  she trailed off.

“If you really believe that, Kagome-chan,”  Sango asked in exasperation,  “then why did you come back?”

Scooping up the cloth and settling it over her shoulder with her weapons, Kagome stood, then said,  “I... I guess I hoped...”  she shook her head again.  “But I was hoping in vain.  Now I just have to figure out how to fix this mess I've made,”  she finished wryly, then waved half-heartedly at her now annoyed friend.  “I'll see you later, Sango-chan – I'm going to get these dishes back to Kaede-baa-chan.  Say hi to Miroku-sama and the children for me!”

She turned and hurried off before her friend could say anything more, and Sango watched with frustration, shaking her head at the foibles between her two best friends in the world.  They just could never seem to get themselves settled!

Frowning, she hoisted her own dishes over her shoulder and headed for her house, waving absently at the cheerful voices that hailed her from some of the other women as she disappeared over the hill back to the village.

Maybe Miroku and I should intervene... I'll sit over Kagome with Hiraikotsu, and he can sutra Inuyasha in place, and then we'll make them talk to each other.  Otherwise... I have a very bad feeling about what could happen if this doesn't get straightened out soon...

~oOo~

Keh!

Inuyasha huffed with annoyance as he climbed the hill leading to the well; after his earlier meeting with Kaede, he'd sat and tried to think through her words for a while, but only gotten more and more frustrated at them, not understanding what she could have meant.

By the time he'd headed down to her hut to confront Kagome and find out if she knew what the old woman had been speaking of, the young woman had seemingly disappeared, and he'd gone through half the village looking for her, getting more and more irate as he went.

He had finally determined that she was no longer in the village, and decided that there was only two other places she'd have gone – the well, or the Goshinboku.  Since he'd just been at the God Tree, and she hadn't been there, he figured the well was it, and was now heading in that direction.

Problem was... he couldn't catch any scent of her coming from there.

'D she learn to hide her scent or somethin'?  he groused to himself as he sped up, determined to find her.  And if she isn't there, then where the hell else could she have gone?

He'd been quite upset when he'd approached Sango's hut to ask if Kagome was there, and he'd received basically the same words from her as he'd gotten from Kaede... what the hell was everyone talking about, he needed to talk to Kagome before it was too late?  It wasn't like she could go anywhere – the well was closed again, and for the last time, so...

Something occurred to him, then, and he growled, even as he sped up more – could there be some other guy in the village that was after her?  Someone else that wanted her?

No way!  I haven't spent three years praying and begging every Kami that I knew the name of for her to come back to me just to lose her to some village idiot!

Hot under the collar at those thoughts, the hanyou skidded to a halt in the well clearing, not surprised  that Kagome was nowhere to be seen, but beginning to be very afraid that she wasn't anywhere to be found – especially with the warnings he'd received earlier from not one, but two of their friends.

Too late, too late, echoed through his head in circles.  Keh!  Fuck'n hell!  He glanced around one last time and then took off back toward the village, moving so fast he could barely be seen, determined to scent every damn hut in the village just to make sure she hadn't gone off with some other guy.

And as soon as I find her, we're gonna have it out!  

~oOo~

With a deep sigh, Kagome brushed aside the hanging vines covering the small cave she'd discovered back before the jewel was completed, tossing a rock into the cave to make sure it was uninhabited; when nothing moved in response she stuck her head in and glanced around at the shallow depression.

Pleased that it showed no signs of habitation, she scooted inside and sat down, folding her legs beneath her in the sandy floor and settling her bow and quiver next to her in an easily reachable position.  She smiled a little...

It really doesn't look like anyone's been in here since the last time I was, she thought idly.  She'd stumbled on the small cave just before a rainstorm had hit, riding the short-lived summer shower out inside its confines, quite grateful for the shelter.  She really hadn't wanted to have to finish the trip back to the village in the pouring rain and listen to Inuyasha rant at her about being out in the storm and getting her 'weak human self' sick.

She chuckled hollowly.  Bet he never called Kikyou a weak human wench.  It's amazing how I'm supposed to be her reincarnation but yet I fall so short of everything she was.  No matter how hard I try...

Lashes fluttering a bit as a few tears welled up in her eyes, she pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, setting her chin on them and staring out through the vines hanging down over the mouth of the cave unseeingly.  

I really should have known better than to come back, and now I've messed everything up.  I mean, I know Sango and Miroku are happy to have me here, but Inuyasha?  Especially on days like yesterday, it was probably really hard to know I was around, because that just rubbed in that Kikyou couldn't be.

She thought about that for a few minutes.  I mean... how would I have felt to find Inuyasha's reincarnation in my time – knowing that for him to exist, my hanyou had to die?  Her heart beat painfully at the thought, and she shivered.  And that answers that, so how can I even be upset about it?  It's not like he can help his feelings...and I know he doesn't want me to die.

But...

If she were to open herself to who she had once been, then she wouldn't really be dying... she'd just be living a different life, with a different part of her soul in command.  Kikyou's memories and personality would be awakened, and Kagome would be the one asleep in their psyche.  Well, it's not really like dying... only sorta.  I'd still be there, just not aware.  Kagome would become the past, and Kikyou the future.  It would just be... trading places.

Could she really bear to do it, though?  Then again, being trapped here now with no way home, and Inuyasha out of her reach and missing Kikyou, what kind of future did she really have?  A bittersweet laugh huffed out of her.  I can either become Kikyou – or be Kaede, instead – the village miko, living only to serve and never knowing anything else.  It wouldn't really be a bad life... but it would hurt too much to watch Inuyasha through the years.

No... I don't think I could stand that.  If I were to choose that, I'd have to go somewhere else to live.  And then I'd be unhappy, and so would Inuyasha.  If I wake Kikyou back up, no ones unhappy.  I wouldn't be aware, and so wouldn't have any emotions to be unhappy with, and Inuyasha would have the chance to live with something he's never had the chance to before – love.

That left her with big questions, though... how do you go about waking up a past life?

From what she'd heard from those who did such things, it involved hypnosis – which in that place, and that particular era, was an unknown skill.  So what did that leave?

“Meditation,”  she sighed.  “It's as close as I could get... unless Kaede or another miko knows of a way to do something like this.  I wonder if there's a spell or something in her journal?”

That was one thing Kagome had learned in the years spent chasing Naraku... Kaede had a journal that she'd written everything in – all the spells that she'd learned, the blessings, the skills she'd perfected through her lifetime, even all her herbal lore.  As odd as it was for a simple village miko to actually read and write, her sensei had been a learned miko, and had passed those traits on to her pupil.

Which just might end up helping Kagome... if she could get ahold of that set of scrolls, she might be able to find something she could use to figure out her way through the whole thing.

Closing her eyes wearily, Kagome inhaled deeply, simply enjoying the scents around herself – after all, if she was going to go through with what she was tentatively thinking about, she wouldn't be able to enjoy anything before too much longer...

“Kikyou,”  she whispered painfully...

She didn't even notice when she fell asleep.

~oOo~

Opaque grayness met her eyes when she became aware next; Kagome looked around, feeling oddly subdued and lethargic... as though her emotions were being suppressed by something – like she couldn't reach them.

A voice sounded inside her head... a voice that sounded different than her own, a little.  Like it was not quite her that was speaking, yet also was.

“You wanted to wake me up, and you did,”  it said, and she blinked languidly.  Wake who up...?

“You.  Me.  Us.  Does it matter?  It only matters that only one of us can be awake at a time, and I'm supposed to be sleeping, and you're supposed to be awake.  So why did you call my name?”

Feeling oddly blurred around the edges, like she wasn't really Kagome anymore, but not quite anyone else, either, as though she were between, the young woman thought about those words and what they meant, beginning to forget her own name, and everything else as other memories and another name began to seem more familiar to her.  Oh... Kikyou.  Yes... that was the name.   She struggled to recall why that name was important, and what the other name was... Yes, Kagome... that's me, as her consciousness bled into places it had never been meant to go while alive.

That's right, she recalled slowly, hazily, still numb.  Inuyasha... and Kikyou.  I'm waking Kikyou.  So she can live again.  But why do I feel so odd?

“Because you are waking me, us... we aren't separate people right now, but combining.  Trading places, as you described it.  But once you fall asleep, you won't wake up again.  Only I will be awake, as Kikyou,”  it said, and the part that was still hanging on to her life as Kagome woke just a tiny bit at that.  

I have to say goodbye, first.  Then I'll go to sleep, surrendering this soul and body to the past.  

“Then you had best hurry, because you will find it harder and harder to stay aware the longer you wait.”

Kagome nodded and blinked her eyes open, struggling to her feet as she fought with her body – it didn't seem to work right, anymore, it felt as though she was fighting to use someone elses body, and it didn't even feel the same anymore – she felt a little off, like she was wearing someone elses clothing.  Someone who was a little taller, not quite as slender, and who had a different center of gravity.

The edges of her vision were blurry, darkness creeping in from the outsides and bleeding into the centers, and she lurched out of the small cave, forgetting to grab her weapons in her rush to see her friends one last time.

“But how did I wake you up?”  she wondered.  “K-Kikyou...”

“By calling my name, just like Inuyasha did when Urasue created that false body of clay and stole this soul,”  the other person now inside her mind with her murmured.  “He will not be happy about this.  And I do not have the means to stop what you've started, so there is nothing I can do to change what you've done – you will sleep, and I will wake.”

Still oddly numb, Kagome jerkily nodded as she stumbled forward, fighting to maintain enough control of the body to make it to the village.  She couldn't close her eyes and let go of the soul she shared with her past incarnation until she'd said goodbye.  “You can live with Inuyasha, then, and be happy.  That's what I want,”  she agreed as the village came into sight before her.

It didn't occur to her that Inuyasha would find her before she found him – or that he'd know she'd done something horrible the moment he caught her scent, so she wasn't prepared for the expression of horrified shock that was on his face as he landed in front of her and she came to a jerky stop, dropping at his feet from the abrupt loss of momentum and lack of control.

“Inu... yasha,”  she mumbled, the darkness bleeding further into her vision as she fought to speak.  “Came to say... goodbye.”

Inuyasha had been shocked when he'd caught a scent that he'd not smelled in over fifty-three years, yet still remembered clearly – but overlaid by Kagome's sweet yet totally different scent, and sudden fear sent his heart rate into a gallop as he wheeled around to face the edges of the forest where the scent was coming from.

What met his eyes... even from a distance, he knew what was happening, though he didn't know how, or why, and he was terrified as he raced up the hill to reach her.

It was like Kikyou was taking over Kagome's body, like a shape-changing youkai was caught in the middle of a transformation between the two – he could clearly see both the women within the body that was changing, as well – changing to look like Kikyou.  

It was obvious that Kagome was weakening, and Kikyou was getting stronger.

“Kaede!”  he screamed, reaching down to grab her and swing her up into his arms even as he flinched at the changes he could feel creeping over the body that had been Kagome.  He took off at a run heading for the older miko's hut, all those who'd heard the panic in his voice following behind and wondering what was happening as the villagers began to crowd towards Kaede's hut for answers.

He slammed into the hut with no warning, shoving the matting back and dropping to his knees in front of the astonished miko.  “You have to do something!”  he cried out as his crests actually began to swim up through his skin, lowering the woman he was holding in his arms so she could see what was happening.   His eyes showed fright clear through as Kaede's own eyes widened.

“Set her down, Inuyasha,”  she ordered curtly.  “Kagome, child, what did I tell ye earlier this day?!  Why did ye do this?”  She looked at the panicked hanyou and pointed to a shelf above her head.  “The scroll at the end closest to the door – retrieve it for me.”

“Kae-de,”  came a slow voice,   “are you go-ing to help me live again?”

“Nay, sister.  'Tis not your life this time.  I will always love ye, but this is another's life, and ye know this.  Ye need to sleep again.”

Kaede rolled the scroll open to near the very bottom as soon as he shoved it into her hands, reading something from it rapidly, then allowed it to roll back up as she began to chant a spell above the still morphing young woman.  He watched, heart in his mouth, as the change rolled back a little, leaving her seemingly stuck between the two women – a perfect balance between the past and the present... like a bridge.  

“Why isn't she going back to herself?”  he demanded as the reversion seemingly stopped, his fists clenched tightly and drops of blood staining her floor unnoticed by either of them as they stared at the frozen woman before them.

“Kagome is resisting my spell, Inuyasha.”  Her voice became quite tart as she looked up at him from the body laying on her floor to meet his panic-stricken gaze.  “This is what your constant indecision  has wrought, and what I sought to avoid when I told ye ye had no more time.  The only thing that can save Kagome now is a choice.  Ye must choose – Kikyou, or Kagome.  But remember, Inuyasha... my sister already had her life, short as it was, and Kagome should not be cheated out of what fate has in store for her simply because Kikyou's life was cut short.  Two wrongs do not make a right.”

Kaede stood up and stepped towards her door, pausing to say over her shoulder to the shell-shocked hanyou,  “Once ye have chosen, there is no going back.  When ye speak your choice, the spell will complete either way.  Do not choose wrongly.”

And with that, she stepped out the door, pushing the incoming Sango and Miroku back out with her and leaving Inuyasha staring with fear at the fruits of his inability to speak his feelings...

What have I done?

~oOo~

“Inu... yasha,”  Kagome whispered – he could tell it was her from just the little sound she put into it as she struggled mightily to speak.  “Don't be... sad.  It's okay.”

“Why?”  he whimpered, slumping to his knees before her.  “Why would you do something like this?”

A laugh huffed out of her, a small one.  “I actually didn't mean to, at least, not then,”  she said slowly, still having some problems controlling the body, though not as much as she had been before.  “It was an accident... I said her name, like you did.  And then it happened.  But I'm not sorry.”

“Dammit!  You should be!”  he yelled, his ears flattening to his head with anger, fear, and guilt.

A different voice spoke up next.  “You w-would not wish for me to live once more, Inuyasha?”  she asked, and he knew instantly it was Kikyou, her more formal tones and cooler voice seeming so wrong coming from Kagome's body.

“That's not fair, and you know it!”  he rasped.  “I wouldn't wish anything that would take away her life, and you shouldn't ask me to!”

“But she's not, Inuyasha,”  Kagome spoke up again, her voice still slow and a little slurred.  “S-she's not asking you to.  I am.  All you have to do is say h-her name one more time, and then you can be happy.   You don't have to feel guilty about your feelings, you k-know.  I understand, because I know how I would feel if I found your reincarnation in my time.”

Inuyasha pounded his fist on the floor at that, anger rimming his eyes red.  “Keh!  You don't know anything if you think I'd want this!  No, she should never have had to die at that bastard's hands, but that doesn't change the fact that she did.  And you shouldn't be doing this kind of thing!  It's playin ' with fate, and you sure as hell ain't a kami!”  he ranted at her, getting more and more irate at what she'd done, even unknowingly.  Because now he'd actually have to verbally choose, and the woman he'd once thought he'd loved was going to get hurt in the choosing.

It was just one more unfair thing to ruin what little life she'd had...

Of course, he was also pissed at himself – because he'd always known what that choice was, or rather, who.  He'd just never had the courage to say it... because he couldn't stand the thought of hurting the one he would be choosing against any more than she had already been.

He'd thought he'd avoided having to do any such thing when Kikyou had died once more, fair or not.  He'd gotten the vengeance he'd promised her, and gotten to say goodbye to her as she'd passed on as a normal woman, which is what she'd always wanted to be.

But now it was quite apparent that his constant seeming vacillation between the two had set into motion events that he was ill-prepared to deal with, yet now had no choice but to do so, or face losing the one being in the world that was the most important to him.

The only one who'd chosen him... as he was.

Kagome.

“Damn it all to hell,”  he whispered, knowing it was really all his fault, and that he shouldn't be ranting at Kagome for it.  “This is just fuckin' perfect.”

Kagome, far from thinking Inuyasha didn't care at all, knew he was so upset because he did care... her mistake was in thinking that he cared more for Kikyou.  I shouldn't have come to say goodbye, she thought guiltily.  Then he wouldn't have known, or had to choose like this.  I know he doesn't want to hurt my feelings, and that's why he never said anything before... back when we were looking for the jewel.  He cares... too much, but he loves her.

“Inuyasha... you shouldn't worry about it.  Make your choice, and let me fall asleep.  It won't hurt... it'll be like going to bed for the night, that's all,”  she said, trying to make her halting voice sound encouraging.

“K...”  he caught himself in time and a frustrated sound ripped from his throat.  “I thought you just wanted to sleep?  That's what you told me when you finally passed on – that you wanted to be at peace, and were happy that you'd gotten to pass on as a normal woman.  Why did you respond to her when she called out to you?”  he asked, Kikyou knowing he was speaking to her from the question asked.

“It was no different, Inuyasha, from when you called me – I was not given a choice.  The summons was too powerful – she wanted me to wake up and make you happy too strongly for me to resist it.  Kaede was right – you must choose, and speak that choice aloud, or we will be trapped this way forever.”  The woman sighed.  “She will not be able to resist the summons, either, if you say her name, and will be returned to you without fail.”

“He won't choose to say my name, Kikyou,”  Kagome said softly after the other woman relinquished their voice, no anger in her own.  “And he shouldn't – this is both of your chance to live full, long lives together.”

“And what about your chance, huh?”  Inuyasha snapped.  “Why should you be the one to die?  It ain't fair to either of you, it really ain't, but its less fair to you – this is your life, and you shouldn't be tryin' so hard to give it up for someone else, wench!  What do you think your mother would say to you?”

A funny look crossed the combined face of Kikyou/Kagome, and she sighed again.  “Oh, she'd be furious with me, I know.  But it is my life, you're right – and that means that the choice is mine.  Whether I live it, or she does, I mean.”

Inuyasha knew right then that he had a lot to make up for with Kagome, and knew he'd be spending the rest of his life doing it... but he needed to send Kikyou to her rest – yet again – first.  The guilt for this days' work would live on inside him for years, and he knew it.  But it had to be said...

“You know, don't you?”  he asked quietly.  “You were never blind, even back when Naraku first betrayed you and I, and you also knew, before you died again how I felt, didn't you?”  

A pained nod came from the woman's body, and she dropped her eyes from his as Kikyou finally admitted to herself what she'd known for a long time – there had never really been a choice between she and Kagome, because he loved Kagome in a way he'd never loved her.

Fully, and with his whole heart – human and youkai, because that was the way Kagome loved him, and she, as Kikyou, had not.  She'd loved the idea of what he could become, a human, but feared and hated his youkai side, which was why, when Naraku had attacked her wearing Inuyasha's face, she'd believed it instantly.

She'd always expected his youkai side to attack her, sooner or later.

Kagome, on the other hand, would never have believed that he would willingly hurt her – even when he had attacked her, inside Naraku's body, she'd known that he wasn't so much attacking her as pushing her away from him before he lost his mind to the jewel and did harm her.  Her belief in Inuyasha, both sides of him, was absolute.

“Yes.  I know.  Truthfully, it is as it should be,”  she said, guilt suddenly overlaying her normal cool tones.  “I... realized a long time ago that I did not know what love was, back then... before Naraku.  Because I didn't love you, as Inuyasha – I loved what you could become – a human.  But you aren't human, and you aren't youkai, and if you'd used the jewel to become human, you wouldn't be the man you are – you'd be someone entirely different.  Kagome... she never made that mistake.  She always knew that fundamental truth.”   Her eyes lowered as the guilt rose higher in her at his expression.  It was apparent he'd known this for a while... yet he'd still cared for her and grieved her death.  

She sighed.

“She has always loved and been grateful for what you are – because that is what makes you who you are – Inuyasha.  If you weren't hanyou, you would not be Inuyasha.  It was only just before my second death that I could finally see and understand that,”  she said sadly, apologetically.

“It's okay... we both were lonely; I was chained to loneliness by my blood, and you by duty, and we both made mistakes wanting to escape that loneliness,”  Inuyasha said slowly,   “I've never... blamed you for both of our mistakes.  And I could never regret knowing you, or the time we spent together.”

“Then do what you know you must, Inuyasha, with a clear conscience.   I do not blame you, either, for the past... or for the present.  But know this... I will miss you...”  Her voice was filled with sorrow, but calm, as well, accepting.  Inuyasha's heart broke at hearing her sadness so strongly, but... he'd brought this on himself, and it was really his fault that she was being made to suffer through this.  If he'd just told Kagome how he felt...

The only thing he could do was grant Kikyou peace again...

Quickly.

“I'm sorry,”  he whispered, tears standing in his eyes as he looked down at her, and he could see the acceptance in her eyes... Kikyou knew who he was going to choose – who he had chosen long ago.   “Goodbye...”  he trailed off for a moment, his voice choked.

“It's time to come back, Kagome,”  he said finally after clearing his voice, the tears overflowing his eyes as a pulse washed over the body of the woman on the floor, and a flash of light actually pushed him back away from her.  When it faded, the odd amalgamation between the women was gone, and she was wholly Kagome again.

A Kagome who was sitting up and staring at him with tears in her own eyes, and, oddly enough, a spark of anger.

“Why'd you do that, Inuyasha?  I wanted you to be happy!  All you had to do was say her name one more time... and now I won't be able to do that again, thanks to Kaede's spell.”  Her shoulders slumped as she cried.  “It's not fair... I could feel her sadness, there at the end.  She thought you picked me because you love me, and not her, so not only did she die again, but this time she died with a broken heart!”

Guilt stung him into a more angry response than he otherwise would have had as he wiped the tears away with his sleeve.  “I do love you, stupid!”  he shouted, leaping to his feet to loom over the startled girl.  “What the hell made you think otherwise?   You are so blind!  What do you think we were just talking about, her and I?  She knew how I felt!  Kami, Kagome, I didn't spend all those months back then protecting you and traveling with you for no reason!  If I'd wanted to be with Kikyou, I would have been.  It's as simple as that.  After all, she could see the shards, too, remember?”  He growled at her shock, his irritation and his voice climbing higher.  “But I stayed with you.  And I waited for three years for you, too!  I wasn't trying the well every three days for three damn years looking for Kikyou!”

Kagome leaned back with wide eyes as he got louder and louder, letting out the guilt and the fear and kami knew what else in the sheer volume of his voice as he ranted at her.  He didn't even notice when the matting was pushed back and Sango's head popped into the hut with a fearful and angry look, but Kagome did.

She ducked her head in embarrassment at the glare she received from her best friend as the other woman stepped into the hut with her husband behind her.

“Sango-chan?”  she asked, softly, questioningly.  She could tell that the other woman was quite upset.

“Shut up, Inuyasha,”  the taijiya snapped, glaring at the startled hanyou.  “This is mostly your fault for never talking to her about things!  You'd better be glad you made the right choice, because if you hadn't..!”  Then she pinned Kagome with another glare, waving her hand in the air, irate.  “And you!  How could you do something so stupid?”  she shrieked, Kaede obviously having explained the situation to those outside the hut.  

Miroku reached out and gripped his wife's wildly gyrating arm composedly.  “Calm down, my dear.  It is obvious that we should have intervened a long time ago, but we did not, and to worry about what has now passed is pointless.  We will just have to make sure that they do not leave here before the issue of their feelings is addressed to everyone's satisfaction, so that something of this magnitude does not happen again,”  he said, pointedly looking at Inuyasha as he finished.

Both Kagome and the hanyou blushed, unable to look at each other as their friends sat down near them and watched them both with expectant and irritated expressions.  There was a very awkward silence for a few moments, and then...

“Guys,”  Kagome sighed, suddenly so tired she could barely stand it,  “really, you don't have to sit there.  What happened wasn't actually deliberate,”   she looked away, since that was only partly the truth.  She hadn't planned to do it right then, that was true enough, but she had been pretty sure she was going to do it.  “I'm still not sure how I did what I did, you know.  I don't think I could recreate it even if I tried... and it doesn't matter anyway, because Kaede's spell blocked it from ever happening again.”

“Oh, no, I'm afraid not, Kagome-sama,”  Miroku intoned, shaking his shakujo as he settled it against his shoulder, the rings topping it rattling merrily.  “This may not be able to happen again, for which we must all be grateful to Kaede, but with you two, anything could happen.  We've been waiting for more than three years to see you both find your happiness together, and after today's fiasco, we refuse to leave you both to hide from reality any longer.”  He nodded at the hanyou.  “Start talking.”

“W-what do you two want me to s-say?”  he stuttered, mortified and glaring at their friends heatedly.  

“We already heard you yell that you love her,”  Sango muttered sarcastically,  “but she doesn't look like she really believes it, so why don't you start at the beginning?”

Kagome's face fell into her hands and she groaned.  “Oh, come on, you guys!  I'm not going to talk about any of this in front of an audience!”

“Then you'll be sitting here forever,”  Sango snapped.  “Kami!  What's so hard about it, Kagome?  Only everyone in the entire village knows he loves you – you're the only oblivious one!  And on the flip side, we all know that you love him – its been obvious for like... forever!”

Miroku nodded.  “Indeed, it was obvious even back when I first joined you both, and I know Shippo noticed the same when he joined you, because he's told us before that he could tell how you both felt, even back then.”

Inuyasha was silent, and Kagome could feel his gaze on her; when she looked up, he had an odd look on his face.  “Kagome?”  he asked slowly, all of a sudden losing the ability to care who was in the room at the deer-in-the-headlights look on her face as she turned it to the floor.  “You... when did you...?”   He didn't finish the question, but everyone in the hut knew what he was asking.

The young woman in question blushed as red as a tomato and refused to look up at anyone.  “Uhm...”  she shrugged uncomfortably.  “I don't know for sure,”  she whispered finally,  “but I knew after that time I caught you with Kikyou and then went home and didn't come back for a week.  I figured it out while I was... over there.”

“Keh!”  the hanyou blustered.  “I guess I was smarter than you, then, 'cause I figured out my feelings before that – I knew when we first met Jinengi,”  he finished triumphantly.  “What took you so long to catch up, huh?”

At that, Kagome's head jerked up and she stared at him, totally shocked.  “W-what?”  she stuttered.  “B-but that was so long ago!  What have you been feeling all this time for her, then?”  

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he realized just how stupid they'd both been over everything.  “The same thing I still feel anytime I think of Kikyou – guilt.  And after today's events, I'm going to be drowning in it for another hundred years,” he sighed, his eyes going distant for a moment as sadness overwhelmed him.  “I always felt so guilty about how her life turned out... I know that it wasn't really my fault, but that doesn't change the fact that she got screwed – and I didn't, in the end.  I can't help but wonder why I'm getting happiness, and she got... well, death.  In some ways, I feel like I'm buying my happiness at her expense, you know?”

“Oh, Inuyasha,”  Kagome sighed, her own face saddening as she tried to look at things from his point of view.  Suddenly, a lot of things made sense, and she found herself feeling even more guilty than she already had been.  “I understand,”  she nodded at the startled hanyou,  “and I've felt the same way.  That I'm buying my life at her expense, because she had to die for me to be born.”

Miroku broke in at that point, eyeing both of them almost sternly.

“That both of you feel such guilt proves that you both have good hearts.  But you should also understand that the guilt for Kikyou-sama's death lies in only one place – Naraku's hands.  It is pointless to blame the innocent for the acts of the truly guilty, and it was Naraku who killed Kikyou-sama, not either of you.  He has paid for that, and all his other crimes.  All that you two can do is live the lives that have been given to you, while honoring the memory of the past.  Do not forget, but do not dwell on it, either,”  Miroku finished, the stern look fading.

He looked at his two best friends, weighing their actions, and then stood, drawing his wife up with him.  “Now that at least that much has been said between you, we will leave you alone to finish what needs to be finished with your pasts.  And then we will plan for your future.”  With a nod, he led his protesting wife from the hut with gentle but firm hands, letting the matting slide back down behind them gently.

The two left in the hut looked everywhere but at each other for a few moments, still a bit embarrassed at what had been said before an audience, but after a few, Inuyasha sighed, and turned to her.  “Keh.  You wanna get out of here?”  he asked.  “I guess we do have stuff to talk about, but... I really don't want to do it here.”

Kagome merely nodded, standing shakily as she did.   She swayed a bit for a moment, feeling a residual dizziness from the spell earlier.  Inuyasha caught her and supported her for a minute until her balance returned.  “You okay?”  he asked softly, and she nodded again, oddly tongue-tied.

He chuckled a little, then turned to crouch down in front of her.  “Well, then, climb on – it'll go faster if I carry you.”

“Wait,”  she whispered, looking at the door.  “What if there's a lot of people out there?  I don't want to see anyone right now!”

Inuyasha blinked, then flushed; he hadn't thought of that, but he could definitely agree – he didn't want an even bigger audience staring at them as they left the hut.  He stepped over to the matting and peeked out, trying not to be seen by anyone who might be standing outside, then sighed with relief.  

“I can't see anyone – I think they all left.  So come on already, before they all decide to come back and we get stuck in here,”  he added.

“Okay,” she mumbled, and climbed up on his once-again offered back.  She no sooner clutched on than he was out the door and gone, speeding up the hill towards the forest like all hell was after him.  He didn't breathe easier until they were back under the eaves of the forest, and out of sight of any incidental witnesses.

Neither did she.

It only took a few minutes for them to reach their destination – the Goshinboku, where they both tended to go when troubled and needing peace, despite Inuyasha's less than happy past there.  Those bad memories had been erased by newer ones... like how it was the only thing that had allowed them to reach each other through time when she'd been trapped by the Tree of Ages in her own era.

And the fact that it was where he'd met her – which in his eyes, was the best day of his life.  It was the day the kami had gifted him with the magnificent young woman he was now holding – and never wanted to let go of.

He came to a halt directly before the great tree and Kagome slid off his back, not noticing his reluctance to let her go in her continuing embarrassment.

It was quiet for several minutes as both tried to digest what had happened, and the things that had already been said... and formulate their questions.  

Finally... “Did you mean it?”  came out softly, and Inuyasha looked away from the tree, only to see her looking like she was wrapped up in its roots as she sat at its base.  

“I meant everything I said in there,”  he sighed after a minute and looked away again.  “But if you're asking specifically if I meant what I said when I told you I... love you,”  he coughed uncomfortably,  “then... yes... I meant it.”

Kagome nodded, not looking at him as she tried to order her thoughts.  “Then why... why did you say and do such hurtful things so much back then?”  she asked, an echo of those same hurts in her voice.

“I'm a hanyou, Kagome.  Most villages would try to kill you if you were caught with me,”  he said slowly, sadness in his voice.  “And they'd certainly try to kill me if they heard me saying I thought you were beautiful or that I loved you.  I... didn't want that kind of fear-filled life for you.  Plus, there was my debt to Kikyou, too.”

It was silent for a moment, and then... “I see,”  she exhaled, her voice oddly neutral.  “It makes sense you would feel that way, even if it was stupid.”  She ran a weary hand over her eyes as she blinked them, trying to get rid of the burning feeling in them.  “Kami, I'm so tired,”  she said on a sigh.  “It seems like it's been days since I last slept.”

Inuyasha looked over at her, then moved closer to lay a warm hand against her forehead as he crouched next to her.  “Feh... after that stunt you pulled, I'm not surprised.  Do you know how badly you scared me, woman?  I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life,”  he muttered uncomfortably.  “Promise me you won't do anything like that again?”

He lifted a haunted gaze to hers right then, and Kagome could see the truth of it in his eyes; he'd been terrified.  Her heart ached and she felt more guilt slide through her.

“I'm sorry, Inuyasha,”  she murmured as she leaned into his hand.  “I didn't mean to scare you.  I just wanted you to be happy.  But honestly – I hadn't meant to do it then... I hadn't even really decided for certain that I was going to try, though I was pretty sure I would – I was just thinking about it, and then I fell asleep.  Or at least, I think I was asleep.  It was really strange.”

Inuyasha sat down next to her and hesitantly reached out to pull her into his lap, moving slowly in case she didn't want it; she immediately squirmed closer, though, leaving him in no doubt that she was quite happy to be right where she was.

“Keh.  I thought you understood all this time, K'gome, you know, about how I felt.  I really didn't know that you had no idea of how things were with me,”  he said earnestly.

Kagome nodded against him.  “I hoped; sometimes you would do something, and I would think, 'Oh, he has to love me,' but then... something else would happen, or you'd say something especially mean, or Kikyou would show up and you'd get crazy, and I'd be back to thinking I was wrong.  And then... after what happened with Kaou that time... well, I figured that you still loved her.  It was so hard.”

“But... then, if you thought that, why did you come back?”  he asked, running careful fingers through her hair.

Repressing a yawn, Kagome inhaled deeply and then said,  “Because I hoped things had changed.  It had been so long, and I thought maybe you had missed me, too.  That there was room for me, too, in your heart.  That maybe you loved me, and would be happy to see me.”

He snorted at that.  “Happy doesn't begin to cut it, wench, I was ecstatic, and I could have killed our friends when they interrupted.  But... then why did you all of a sudden decide to do... what you did earlier?”  he asked hesitantly.

She was quiet for a few moments, and then sighed, her fingers twining in the ties to his haori as she stared at them drowsily.  “I saw you at her grave, last night, and you looked so unhappy that I thought you were missing her and that you still loved her.  I just wanted you to be happy, and this idea came to me, because I felt like I'd made things harder for you by coming back, making you see the one who had her soul.  I felt like a thief, like I was keeping you two from happiness because I had her soul... so I thought maybe I should give it back.”

He coughed a little guiltily, his fingers tensing in her hair for a moment, then releasing and continuing on with stroking the soft strands.  “Keh.  I've done you wrong calling it that so many times,”  he finally said.  “It's not hers, not any longer.  It's your soul, and you shouldn't feel guilty that you're alive.  Miroku was right – it's not like you killed her.  And if you hadn't been born, then Naraku would never have been made to pay for his actions – our vengeance came all because of you.”

“Sometimes,”  she hummed softly,  “I wondered why I fell so short.  I tried so hard to be as good as her at things, but it was like I could never get there.  But I'm glad that I did at least something right, and you both got your vengeance.”

“Kagome,”  he said, a pained hitch in his voice as he pulled away from her to look down at her, lifting her chin with a gentle finger,  “you should never have felt that way, and I'm so sorry I ever made you feel like that.  The truth is,”  he said, his voice dropping to a guilty whisper,  “I always really saw it the other way around.  She could never be Kagome.  I mean, without Kikyou, and who she was, there wouldn't be a Kagome, and I know that.  And that's the biggest thing I'm grateful about, you know, about Kikyou's life – that because she lived, you were born, as you – as Kagome.  Because really... without you, there wouldn't be any me.  I wouldn't be who I am without you.  I was born for you... and you were born for me.  Believing that kept me sane the three years you were gone...”  he trailed off.

She looked up at him solemnly, searching his eyes for the truth of his words, and found it.  Sitting up a little and rearranging herself in his lap so that she was straddling him, she traced his beloved features with one finger, her bottom lip caught between her teeth as she explored.

To Inuyasha, her touch was heaven, erasing two hundred years of pain and loneliness, degradation and hatred, and his eyes fell closed after a moment as he cherished the fact that this tiny human woman loved him, and loved him as he was – in his hanyou form.  That was something he'd been taunted enough with over the years – that no one would ever love him.

Keh... guess they were all wrong.  They've never met anyone like Kagome.  Because there isn't anyone like Kagome.  She changes everyone she comes in contact with for the better.  And kami know she's changed my life filled with rage and hate into one filled with happiness and love.  I... flashes of his mother, and her sad eyes ran behind his own eyes, and he almost whimpered at the old pain... After mother died, I never thought anyone would ever touch me like this again.  With gentle hands.  I thought I'd have to die to ever feel it again, die and find mother.

But she must still be watching over me, because only mother would have loved me enough to want someone else to love me, too.  Well, and father, I guess.  He did die to save and protect me and mother.

He opened his eyes as Kagome's voice called him back to himself, her words echoing his thoughts so perfectly he wondered if she was a mind-reader.  “I'd really love to have met your mother, Inuyasha,”  she said softly, her finger tracing his lips as her eyelids slid to half-mast,  “because she had to be an amazing person.  To have made you... and your papa, too.  You were so blessed by kami to be born as you are, you know that?  You're the best of both worlds-”  she smiled rather sleepily,  “-youkai strength, passion, and fire, tempered by a gentle human heart.  Perfect, just the way you are,”  she whispered, leaning forward as though hypnotized, her eyes sliding closed as her lips touched his.  “Perfect.”

Heart filled to overflowing, and an ache settling in his chest at her words, Inuyasha's own eyes slid closed as he held completely still, wanting to see where she took this kiss with everything within him.  Kagome... his hands came up slowly and settled tentatively on her hips as he followed her lead in the tender contact of their mouths, not pressing for more despite how much he wanted more.

After several seconds of that, the pressure of the kiss eased, and her lips pulled away just a little; he opened his eyes slowly, only to meet glowing sapphire as she stared into his eyes with such intensity he almost couldn't stand it.

“I've loved you for so long,”  she whispered, so many layers of meaning in her voice that he couldn't even begin to take them all in, instead, his breathing hitched and he had to swallow hard to clear the sudden obstruction in his throat as his emotions rose up in one overwhelming surge to almost drown him in the love he felt for her.

“Why?”  he whispered back.  “If you really thought I loved Kikyou... why?”

She curled gentle fingers around his cheek, cupping his chin in her palm, so much love in her eyes that he couldn't even draw breath anymore; he simply watched her, waiting for her answer as though he needed it to live.

And he did.

“Because it didn't matter, Inuyasha.  I will always love you.  I'm not capable of doing anything else.  And I wouldn't want to love anyone else, no matter what.  Even if you'd chosen her, and I had to live my life alone, I would never regret loving you,”  she finished, a shimmer in her eyes as tears welled up at the thought.  

“Though... I won't deny that I'm glad I was wrong, and a fate such as that, one without an Inuyasha, isn't what I'm going to be condemned to,”  she added after a moment, smiling slightly.  “I will spend the rest of my life thanking kami for that mercy.”

With a wordless sound of love and need he pulled her back that tiny bit into full contact with his lips and kissed her; nibbling on her bottom lip, he begged for entrance, and with a tiny gasp of pleasure and want, she granted it even as her fingers slid into his silver locks and held him to her.  He deepened the kiss immediately, tasting every inch of her he could get to, trying to swallow her sweetness and keep it for himself, always and only himself.

She's mine, always mine, forever mine... I won't be alone ever again.

Panting, he pulled back to allow then both to breathe, leaning his head against hers as hands continued caressing each other, seemingly unable to stop.

“The youkai in the jewel,”  he managed to get out around gasps of breath,  “they told me you'd been born to stay inside it and fight them, just like Midoriko.  But they were wrong,”  he said fiercely,  “and I told them that.  I told them we were born for each other, K'gome.  Everything good in my life has come because of you – it was you that gave me the chance to become who I am.  Without you, I would still be a mistrusting, violent-tempered, selfish little jerk, like you always used to call me - but you taught me how to trust others, that it was okay to depend on other people, to care for them... and you gave me the will to tame my violent side, especially once my seal was broken.  I wanted so much to always keep you safe that I managed to fight off my youkai blood during the last battle enough so that Tessaiga could pull me back into control.  It's all because of you.  All of it.”

“Inuyasha,”  she murmured, a few tears slipping down her cheeks as she smiled at him, her eyes still closed.  “Inuyasha.”
“Keh.”  He brushed his lips across her cheeks, licking away her tears and soothing her emotions with his tenderness.  “Kikyou's life influenced you, Kagome, her life lessons helping to form you.  But you are Kagome... you made me who I am.  Hell, can you imagine me ever saying these things to you a few years ago?  You helped me to grow up, and to learn that feelings aren't bad.”  He blushed a little, his eyes showing a hint of discomfort at talking so openly of emotions.  “It's still a little embarrassing, and I'll never be as open about stuff as you are, but then again...”  he trailed off gruffly, and Kagome took over with a smile.

“Most men aren't, in this era,”  she said understandingly.  “Heck, most guys aren't really comfortable with emotions even in my time, though they aren't quite so stoic about it as in this one.  It's alright, you know.  As long as you know that it's okay to have them... you shouldn't be ashamed to care about others.”

“I'm not,”  he said quietly.  “But for my reputation's sake, can we avoid telling the others about this?”  he asked plaintively after a moment, and Kagome snickered, knowing he was teasing.  “Shippo and Miroku especially would never let me live it down.”

“Oh, sure, we can keep pretending that you're a – how did you say it – a mistrusting, violent-tempered, selfish little jerk,”  she said lightly around another yawn.  

“Well... maybe we don't have to go quite that far,”  he said, his eyes laughing at her as she tried to pat back the yawn.  He stood up suddenly, smirking at her startled squeal, and swung her up into his arms.  “I'd say you need a nap, but with as late as it already is, I think you'd be better off stayin' awake to eat supper and then goin' to bed.  I'll wash up the dinner dishes for you this time, wench, but don't do anything stupid like this again, okay?”  

She nodded up at him, a half-smile tilting her pretty pink lips, and Inuyasha couldn't resist planting a big, smacking kiss on them, making her laugh.  

“Well, then, let's get back to Kaede's – I bet supper will be done soon.  Oh... and I hope you realize that now that we've had this all out, we're getting married.  You said you love me, and I said I love you, so now you're my woman,”  he said cockily, stealing Koga's old phrase as he smirked down at her.

A teasing light in knowing eyes, Kagome huffed her amusement.  “Oh, really?  I don't remember you asking me to marry you.  Guess it wasn't all that good a proposal, since I've forgotten it.  I suppose you'll just have to do it again,”  she giggled.

“Wench!  What's this asking?  You're mine – why do I gotta ask?”  he shot back as his long stride swallowed the ground beneath them, moving them ever nearer to the village confines once again.

“Well, just 'cause I love you doesn't mean I belong to you.  After all, I've loved you for years, but we weren't married before, so... I want a real proposal, Inuyasha,”  she said cheekily, drowsy eyes smiling mischievously.   She reached up a gentle hand and patted his cheek.  “You can think about how to word it while you're doing the dishes, I suppose – that should give you enough time to come up with something good.”

Coming to a sudden stop just at the edge of the village, he set her down on her feet carefully, then took her hand in his own in a blatant parody of Miroku's usual handhold, and asked,  “Kagome, will you become my wife and bear my children?  I'd take care of you and our children for all the days of our lives – you would never go without, this I promise.  I would be greatly honored if you would at least consider my request.”

Giggling almost uncontrollably by that time, her humorous reception of his rather humorous proposal was more than likely influenced by her tired giddiness, but whatever the case, she nodded up at him, a huge smile on her face.

“Oh, of course, Inuyasha.  I would be honored to marry such a powerful hanyou and bear your children-”  another huge yawn interrupted her, and she swayed a bit.  With a muffled curse, Inuyasha picked her back up, his touch gentle and loving despite the slight scowl now on his face.

“Okay, the fun's over.  You've had your proposal, and said yes, so now you need to eat and sleep,”  he said, his tone brooking no argument.

Kagome was too tired to even think of arguing, so she simply nodded and cuddled into his arms, not even noticing the smiling eyes of the villagers that were watching the hanyou so gruffly yet tenderly take care of her.  

Miroku and Sango nodded at each other with a smile as they watched Inuyasha carry Kagome inside Kaede's hut, his shoulder carefully pushing aside the matting so that it didn't even brush the woman in his arms, satisfied that finally, progress had been made.

It was about damn time...

With a sigh, Miroku looked at his wife ruefully.  “I suppose I had better go to bed early, tonight... it looks like I'll be spending the next several days helping to build another hut,”  he muttered dejectedly.  “I hate building huts...”  his whine trailed off as his wife dragged him towards their home with a chuckle at his antics.  “Then again... this one is certainly long overdue.  And I can always imagine all the fun those two will have in the hut once it's built as we're working - to alleviate the boredom, of course,” he chuckled wickedly as he followed his wife through the door.

He didn't duck in time and got whacked across the face by a blushing Sango as he cleared the matting.

“Pervert!!”

~oOo~

A/N:  A rather long Inu/Kags one-shot that I've been working on all week... and it's finally done!  Yay! This one was also inspired by an AMV by ste1082 over on youtube.  It's gorgeous, just like anything she does, so go check it out.  The URL is:  http: // www.youtube. com/user/ste1082#p/u/0/ 1mU3Aw-6TO0

Just take out the spaces, and please, if you enjoy it, leave the artist (because she is an artist, just one who works with film) a comment about it!

Amber









































































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