InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ No More Hope ❯ Thoughts ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Three Years Later...

*~Kagome's POV*~

I sat in my dorm room thinking. It's been three years since I left to my own era. Nothing's been the same. I was able to get my grades up, and once again became the honor roll student I once was. I went shopping with friends, and I finally told Hojo that nothing will come from our relationship. So we became friends. I haven't dated anyone either. I never acquired a boyfriend, and I didn't want one. I was contempt with what I had. Nothing special, just a normal, peaceful, boring life. Now I'm in collage, studying to become a doctor. Something of a life long dream. I've always wanted to find cures for things. Diseases always fascinated me.

It was quiet in the room. Nothing out of the ordinary. I no longer had my cat Buyo with me, they didn't allow pets in the dorm. I was one of the few students that had their own room, because of my outstanding grades, I was able to get my own room. A big room in fact. It came with a kitchen to the right, which included a stove, microwave, pots, pans, dishes and a refrigerator. To the left was my bed, next to it was a bookshelf, and my desk. On top of my desk, I had some textbooks, my laptop, CDplayer, and my CD holder, not to mention a few blanks CD's in case I wanted to burn a new CD. In the middle of the dorm, going straight, there was a window over looking the city. In front of the window stood a couch-bed. Only used when someone visits me.... which is never. But that's not a problem.

I sighed and walked over to my desk and sat on my spin-chair. I turned in it a few times, and then stopped. I faced my laptop, and opened it. Turning it on, I typed in my password and waited for the desktop to appear. After awhile, it showed up, and I clicked on the Windows Media icon. I pressed play and minimized the window. I then clicked on the Internet icon and logged on. On AIM no one was on, and I didn't expect them to be. I then went to my diary log, and typed up a little in my online journal. I got bored immediately so I went to fanfiction.net to read some fics.

After reviewing one of my favorite fics, I sat back in my chair. I looked at my headboard next to my bed and read the time. The numbers on the clock blared at me. 10:21 PM. Damn... it took me awhile to finish that fic. My media player still playing songs, I decided to check out what I could download. A song just ended, and I was about to get up to get a snack when the song played and brought back memories of my past. The past that I had hoped to have forgotten.


Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by


I stared at the scene before me. Kikyou was red and panting, Inuyasha stood there, looking a bit ruffled, yet pleased with himself. I could almost see him jumping with joy at how far he'd almost gone with Kikyou. From what I saw, I almost instantly knew that he had chosen her. I wanted to believe it wasn't true, I didn't want to lose hope. But to see is to believe right? Of course, when he announced that she would be coming with us, I was positive I had to get out of there. I would not cry, I spent to many tears on him. I waited for this day, countless days, I didn't want it to happen, but... sadly it did. I was prepared though. Masking my emotions with a face that could rival Sesshomaru's I spoke up.

"It's alright. Kikyou can sense the shards better than me, she is more experienced in the Bow and Arrow than me and of course, she has control over her miko powers unlike me. Since there shall be a new addition to the group I will leave. Thus there will still be room, and no more lagging for the rest of you. I bid you farewell and good-luck with the journey."

I sounded so calm I scared myself. If they knew how much my voice betrayed my feelings, they would have yelled at Inuyasha to get his head straight. I just wanted him to be happy. I would give anything and everything to keep him happy. No matter how much of a bastard he's been to me. I was never anything to him anyway. I was a shard detector, a replacement, a reincarnation, I was whatever you want to call me, but I was never good enough to earn a place in his heart. No matter, I would be going back to my time soon. Without the jewel, without anything else but my memories.


I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to


For the past three years I've been trying to figure out what made me come to fall in love with the egotistic hanyou. I've been thinking things over. Maybe, what I did was for the best. Maybe what I did was for everyone's own good. I never belonged there, I probably never will. Although I tried to become my normal cheery self, I was told that I had matured. I smiled of course, but I never had that spark in my eyes, or the real laugh I used to have. Everyone at home has been telling me to forget about Inuyasha. My family said, "Don't worry, you'll get over it." My friends, even though they never knew him said, "You were too good for that violent guy anyway Kagome-chan." It was the same every day. It got old, and it never really helped much.

Three years later, I find myself here in a dorm room. No friends at all, just a loner. It feels like starting all over again, but this time, there is no hope or happiness. I had said goodbye to my true friends, and I always meant it. I said goodbye to my old life and everything else I used to call normal for me. Most of all, I said goodbye to Inuyasha, my only hope, and my first... and last love. Everything I tried to hold onto, I lost it, and all I have are memories.


I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

I used to remember how I lost myself in his gold amber eyes. I used to want those eyes to reflect the same emotion I felt. They did, but the emotions were not for me. They never were, and never will. Every so often, I would dream of the half demon who haunts me. In my dream, I would always be happy, never once did you see my smile falter. The scenery of the dream was not much, but a bright clean white. A color that made everything cheerful. Something I would like to happen. But, of course, it would never happen. It's not right. I'm not Kikyou, I'm just her replacement. I was never anything in his eyes, but an image of the girl whom he loved. The girl whom he got back, though she may be just dirt and ashes he chose her, and it wasn't my place to argue. What would I say? Would he even care? He didn't seem to try and stop me when I left. He never came back for me either.

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

I hope he's happy. I wanted his love above everything. I wanted him to notice me for me, not as Kikyou's reincarnation. I wanted his love, and yet I didn't. If I gained it, what would become of me? Just being happy? If I did gain it, how would I know he loved me for who I am? Would I be able to see myself in his eyes? Or would I see a bitter lie? A lie that would have told me, all I am is a wanna be Kikyou. Or maybe he would see me as the girl from the future, who had no business in his time. Maybe he would tell me he cares, and just use me to find the shards.

Once they were found he would drop me like a bad habit. I wanted him, but I won't give in. The more I want, the more pain I earn. I don't know why I still yearn for him yet I do. Never again will I hope to find love. It's just a waste, a waste on time, energy and emotions. Love cannot come without hate. Hate cannot come without pain. Maybe it was fate. Maybe I was destined to feel like this. Maybe.

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star


How many nights have I stared at the sky, hoping to see my shooting star? To grant me my one wish. A wish I wanted more than anything anyone had to give me. Countless nights I was found on the roof, just staring at space. Too many nights. I've wasted enough pain on Inuyasha than so many people would think. I loved, then lost it. I did not cry. There was a saying that the greatest pain of all, is the one that sheds no tears. So is this what it is? The greatest pain ever? Would I have to live with it forever? Always thinking it was my decision to leave? It wasn't my decision. No, it wasn't. It was common logic. What kind of idiot do you take me for? Do you think I would just continue traveling with everyone, getting in the way, and standing aside as I watch the one I love with someone else? I have no use in the past anymore. My purpose there is over and I should deal with it. Yet... how come I can't?

She loves him. He loves her. I care why? I'm supposed to get over him. I'm supposed to not remember why I fell in love with him. Hell, I STILL don't know why or how I fell in love with him. Look at me, I'm mopping around acting all depressed. This isn't me, it never was. I used to be a happy cheerful girl. I only became angry when my family or friends became involved. I never let anything harm them. Yet here I am, groveling at the feet of sadness, all for what? A half-demon who doesn't give a rat's ass about me. I've changed. Not for the better. Before, I would have never let a guy take control over my life. Before, I never used to think about depression. Before I used to be happy. I used to just hang out with friends and smile for no particular reason. I used to be an outcast, but I never really thought about it. I had good grades, I was a loner, had some close friends, and not so close.

Now I'm a love deprived girl, striving for my love to be returned by a certain someone. It wasn't returned, yet given full force to someone else. I knew it would happen, but I'm still here yearning for something that will never become mine. It's over, I tell myself, over and over again. It's over Kagome, get used to it. He won't come for you, and the others can't come get you even if they wanted to. Get over it Kagome. Get over it. I keep repeating to myself to get over it. The thing is, I can't get over it. No matter what. I've been trying to for the past three years. I've been studying to keep my mind off it, I've been hanging with friends to keep from thinking it. I'm pathetic, I'm weak. Isn't that what Inuyasha used to say? I was worthless. If he were to see me now he would have said "KIKYOU never acted like you are now. KIKYOU wouldn't have been depressed. KIKYOU wouldn't have given up!" Well, screw him and Kikyou. Can't he fucking see I'm NOT Kikyou?! I'M NOT KIKYOU!!!


~*Sango's POV*~

After three years we've done it! We have completed the Shikon No Tama, Naraku is dead, my brother is at peace, and Miroku's Kazaana is gone. Even though, with Kagome's help, it would have taken us half the time to complete it, she is the reason we still search for it. Inuyasha of course still came with us, even after Kikyou's second demise. He seemed to not have cared at all that she had gone back to hell. He seemed at more pain when he found out two months after Kagome had left that she would never come back again. I don't see why he's like that. He was the one that drove her away. Him and his bitch. God I'm glad I got rid of her. In one stroke too. She never saw it coming.

The Shikon No Tama lay in my hand. Why doesn't Inuyasha have it? He says he doesn't want to be a full demon anymore. Why? I don't know. I wouldn't want to know what goes around in that head of his. Shippou is overly excited, Miroku is too, but he won't show it. I have to admit, I am excited too. Why you ask? We finally came to a decision on what we want to do with the Shikon No Tama. The wish is simple, and will benefit for us all, including Kagome. We want to live in the future. There is nothing left for us here. With Naraku dead, we don't have a reason to stay. What of Inuyasha? We don't know. We haven't told him of our decision.

That was why I sent Miroku to tell him. I may be a demon exterminator, but no one, wants to be near an angry hanyou. Especially without Kagome here to tame him. Miroku came back, with a smirking Inuyasha trailing after him. He seems happy. It was weird to see him like this, he hasn't even cracked a smile since both of his women left him. One willingly, the other at my hand. I smirked. She died because of me. Oh the irony. I couldn't just let my best friend leave after what that slut had done to her now can I? I'm dedicated... really. Did I mention Sesshomaru is with us now? Once he had heard that Kagome had left, he lectured Inuyasha on letting his woman get away like that. I swear he sounded like Kouga. Jaken...? I think Rin killed him. Rin, Being an abnormal child, has aged as fast as Yokai's do. So right now, she looks about the age of a normal teenage human. Heh... I think Sesshomaru is starting to develop feelings for the human girl.

We were all situated outside Kaede's hut. In a round circle, with me in the middle, I started to wish.

"Midoriko I ask you for a wish now. A wish to be granted to us all. It is but a simple thing, although it would change our lives drastically. I ask you now, for your presence is needed for this wish to be granted." A bright light enveloped us all as a spirit figure came from the jewel in my hand. She had flowing black hair that reached her waist. Ice blue eyes that shone with a timeless wisdom. Her skin was not pale, but a dark peach color. She looked at each and every one of us and asked,

"Child, do you know if everyone here wishes the same?"

I answered "We have all agreed to it. No one had any other wishes."

"Be that as it may, do you know if that hanyou wants it too?" All faces turned to Inuyasha, waiting his answer.

"Feh! Of course I do! Why the hell do think I'm standing here?!" He yelled. We all sweatdropped, I don't think it wise to yell at the one who will grant what we want.

"Nay child, you want the priestess Kikyou. I've seen your love before, is this what you want?" Midoriko said. He was about to respond when Kikyou came. I could have sworn I killed her! This makes everything ever the more complicated....

"Yes Inuyasha, is that what you want? Don't you want to be with me?" She asked him. Before he could answer I interrupted.

"Bitch! You're supposed to be dead! What the hell am I saying? You are dead! What are you doing here?!" I screamed. This was not going as planned. She looked at me with a look that could kill and said,

"Sango DEAR," She spat the word dear, "Did you remember seeing me struck? I was talking to but a mere villager when your Hiraikotsu came flying and hit the poor man. Fearing my life I left. You should be ashamed. You killed an innocent man." She laughed evilly. Oh how I wish I had the chance to kill her again.

"Why do you choose now to appear Kikyou? We have been traveling for years, and yet you choose now to come and GRACE us with you presence." My voice dripped with sarcasm.

"And do what may I ask? Ruin everything? You see I knew you would have killed me without a second glance if you knew I was still walking upon the earth."

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WONT KILL YOU NOW?!" God, how can she be so dense. Didn't she see my Hiraikotsu was still on my back? What an idiot girl.

"Tsk Tsk Tsk Sango, I don't think you would do that now would you?" She sneered at me. Oh how I wish to just thwack her right on the head. I would want to hit her so hard... it would make even Kagome feel dizzy. Grrr...

"Whatever. Inuyasha, what do you want? You're either with us or not. Make up your mind." I told him warily. I'm tired of him choosing, so he better get it over with now.

"I choose... to be with...K-" He was cut off by a kiss on his lips. By none other than... Kikyou. He looked shocked at first then shoved her away. I smiled inwardly at that. I wish I had one of those things Kaogme had. What were they called? Ca-me-ras? Whatever they were, I sure as hell would've wanted one right now.

"I CHOOSE KAGOME! NOW HURRY UP AND MAKE THE DAMN WISH SO I CAN GET AWAY FROM HER!" He yelled.

"Geeze Inuyasha, wait. Okay, Midoriko, We wish that we could go to Kagome's time. That we could be with her." I told her.

"Very well then. Goodbye young ones, and may your lives be blessed." With that she faded away, and I noticed that we too were fading away, but before we finally left I shouted to Kikyou, who was standing there with a shocked expression on her face,

"Bye bitch!" Then... we were gone.


~*Kagome's POV*~

So there I was, thinking those hateful thoughts against Inuyasha and the bitch, while listening to music when suddenly there was a flash of light and when it died down... there stood the group. With Rin and Sesshomaru?! I swear I'm hallucinating. I rubbed my eyes and looked again. Yup, still there. Me, being me, thinking that they weren't there, I turned around and just started to list to music again. Within a second, they all came up to me and bombarded me with questions. Much like they did the day I left. Only this time I got some questions from Rin and Sesshomaru.

"Kagome what's that?! " Shippou pointed to my laptop.

"Lady Kagome, why are there so many scrolls on this shelf?" Miroku asked examining the bookcase.

"Kagome! I missed you!" Rin ran up to me hugging the life outta me.

"Kagome, what may I ask is that?" Sesshomaru asked pointing to my CD player.

"So Kagome, how have you been the past three years?" Sango, the other sane person here, asked.

"Hey Kag! Where's the mustard?" Inuyasha asked me, while raiding my fridge. That's when I remembered... I DON'T WANT HIM HERE! Just moments ago I was planning HIS demise! Now he's here asking me where the mustard is? God, you hate me don't you? Before anything else could go wrong I yelled,

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" Everyone stared in scilence when...

"First we were..."

"Shikon tama found..."

"Midoriko...."

"Kikyou supposedly dead..."

"Naraku died...."

"Wishing to be here..."

I sighed as they all at once, told me what happened. I sighed. Good thing it's the weekend, cause tonight is gonna be a long night.










































Ame: Well, how was it?

Kori: It sucked, anyways...

Ame: Shut up. Damn muse... right. So please review, and be kind, no flames please.