InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ No Regrets ❯ No Regrets ( Chapter 1 )

A soft sigh escaped from a young woman's lips as she sat on an old, wooden well. A basket of herbs carefully lay beside her feet and a soft breeze blowing her hair to one side. Little did she know that she was being watched by a certain someone, carefully hidden in the foliage.

 

As always, Inuyasha had kept a close watch on Kagome ever since she came through the well after their three year separation. It had been a month since then and he'd never been happier, not to mention relieved that the well had opened up to allow her to come back to him. A lot had changed since the final battle with Naraku in the feudal era and he could tell that he wasn't the only one missing their friend from five hundred years into the future.

 

During her absence he had plenty of time to think. He thought about lots of things, some more obvious than others, namely Kikyou. He had time to reflect about everything that happened with Kikyou from the moment of their meeting to their final hours together. Their meeting had seemed to be fated; two lonely souls who wanted to be just like everyone else, free of how people perceived them to be, finally finding someone they could relate to. Kikyou was raised in a pedestal as a pure, holy woman, the protector of the sacred jewel. He on the other hand, was shunned by both human and youkai alike for his mixed blood. She wanted to be a normal woman, while he wanted to simply belong.

 

Kikyou had asked him to become human for her through the Shikon jewel…

 

At the time he was willing to do anything just to stay with her. Their meetings were often kept secret from everyone in the village because of Kikyou's status as priestess. He just wanted to be with her; he had finally found someone who accepted him and he wasn't going to let anything take that away from him. So when she suggested that he use the jewel, he didn't have to think about it twice. His only thought was that it was the only way that they could be together…

 

Their plan gone sour, a betrayal, a deception of a jealous demon, an eternal sleep placed on both ill-fated lovers…

 

Half a century later he was awoken by a scent. He thought it belong to Kikyou. Imagine his surprise to find himself face to face with the woman who had supposedly betrayed him only to find that it was another girl. Kagome.

 

As time passed, he had gotten o know the girl a lot more than he would've liked or ever thought was possible for someone like him. Her appearance was exactly that of Kikyou and at first, their uncanny resemblance angered him. Each day Kagome proved to him that she was her own person and he began to see her as Kagome and not as Kikyou's reincarnation.

 

There were many ups and downs in their time together namely because of their search of the jewel fragments scattered throughout out feudal Japan. He made more friends, which came as a shock to him and they stayed loyal to him even to this day. Kagome introduced him to her family; for once he felt like he truly belonged. It was all because of Kagome.

 

He couldn't imagine what it would've been like if he had never met Kagome. What if Naraku hadn't deceived him and Kikyou to betray each other? What if Kikyou had never died? What if Kagome never came through the well? What if the jewel was never shattered?

 

There were so many possibilities to how his life could have turned out if his and Kikyou's plans weren't ruined. Despite the agony and suffering that he and others had endured because of the sacred jewel, he would never, ever, change it for the world. This he was truly sure of. He couldn't imagine his life without his friends, without learning what he had in their quest; life simply wouldn't be the same. Most importantly, he could never imagine a life without Kagome.

 

He worried about her constantly. At first it was just his duty to protect her as the only person who could sense the jewel fragments, and without him knowing, it changed to him protecting the girl; his best friend. There were numerous times when he doubted his capability of giving her the kind of protection that she needed. She trusted him with her whole heart to protect her. The weight on his shoulders had never been greater. For once, he felt that he was supposed to be where he was meant to be.

 

There were times that he knew he hurt her every time he went to meet with Kikyou. Deep in his heart he knew that she loved him. He thought of it as a passing infatuation. She was young and naive and from what he could tell, she hadn't been around many other males before him. He couldn't have been more wrong…

 

She refused to leave his side when she had seen the worst of him. She had had seen him in his demon from and even approached him. She forgave him whenever he failed to protect her. She made him happy.

 

He had never been so angered more than the time that he and Kagome were trapped in the jewel. The jewel had said that Kagome's only purpose and destiny was to be trapped in Midoriko's place warring with the evil spirits for all eternity. His heart ached at the image of Kagome fighting off demons until she was no longer able to until the end of time. He simply wouldn't allow it nor could he accept it. She needed him to be there to protect her. Her destiny was to meet him, to teach him how to love, how to open himself up to others, and how to accept himself for who he was. There was so much more that she taught him but he didn't have the words…

 

He had never been worried for her safety as that time, his own thoughts contributing to his own personal hell. Thinking about it now still made his stomach churn at the danger that she was in.

 

His ears twitched at the sound of Kagome's light humming. He never knew how often she came to the well until after her first month back.

He couldn't help the small smile that crept onto his face. The three years that she was gone, he had convinced himself that he'd eventually get used to the fact that she was no longer around. Of course he knew that was a lie.

 

At first he jumped into the well every three days, the same length that it had taken to bring the well back. And every time he jumped in that well, there was no blue light. There was nothing. Every time before his jump there'd be a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, if he wished hard enough to see her the well would make it possible. And every time he jumped out of the well without success the hope of ever seeing her again would slowly dwindle.

 

The three years she was gone he hadn't spoken about what had truly transpired when he left Kagome on her side of the well. It was by far the hardest thing he had to do. He had always tried to prepare himself for the time that Kagome would have to leave him. Though every time he just couldn't seem to trust himself that he would do the right thing. But as soon as they had emerged from the well on her side, he saw how Kagome's family were so worried about her. At that moment he knew that he had to return her to where she belonged, whether he liked it or not.

 

He knew his friends always wanted to ask him about what had happened. All he told them that Kagome was finally safe and living her life on the other side of the well. The first year was pure agony. He tried to keep himself busy with what ever came up in the village. To his surprise, a whole village weren't shunning him or chasing him out of the village. Instead the villagers saw him as one of them and even some expressed their gratitude to him for saving them. He had everything he had ever wanted. He was finally accepted. But none of that mattered because Kagome wasn't around.

 

Sometimes he'd see things like a sparkling river and he'd be reminded of how she enjoyed baths. Or sometimes when he was in the middle of chasing Shippo around he'd hear her voice reprimanding him… It was the worst at night when his memories of her came back full force. He'd sit on a hill where he had a full view of the night sky full of twinkling stars. Under the stars was where he felt most at peace with his memories of her. He'd close his eyes and take a whiff of the night air, and that was when her whimsical voice seemed to whisper through his ears… It made him wonder if Kagome ever thought about him… whether she missed him as much as he was missing her.

 

He watched as his friends moved on while he held on to the past… Sango and Miroku had gotten married after they had recovered from their injuries in the last battle. He had never really seen a wedding before but from what he could interpret, it was a union of sorts; one where the couple proclaimed their love to one another and everyone who attended. He watched with wonder during the whole ceremony wondering if someone like him could ever have a wedding.

 

A few months after his friends were married, Sango announced that she was pregnant. He saw the pride and happiness shining through the monk's eyes as he held his wife when no one was looking. And instead of placing his had on her behind, it crept onto her belly and rubbed it fondly.

 

He'd never felt more lonely than the times he'd watched his friends enjoy each others' company. After three years he doubted that he could ever have that kind of happiness without Kagome by his side. He was jealous, that much he could admit. He was jealous at the fact that the odds weren't against Sango and Miroku. He was jealous that everyone else seemed to get a happy ending other than him. But most of all he resented the fact that his friends felt love within their hearts while he felt longing in his…

 

Kagome's humming continued to filter through his ears and once again he was brought to a moment of peace as he sat perched in a tree. He wasn't quite ready to show himself to her. She thought he was still helping one of the villagers fix the roof on their hut. Right now he was simply content watching her, inhaling her scent, and listening to her soothing voice.

 

Three years had come and gone and the feeling of longing he felt in his heart was growing larger every passing moment that he was reminded of her absence. Three years… he wondered if that feeling would ever go away. He often heard people say that time healed all wounds. In his case it only made them burn and sting as fresh as it had been that day he left her on her side of the well.

 

Sango and Miroku had three children by then and they were still happy, if not even happier. It was one day that year that everything was finally going his way…

 

He was outside with the twins on his shoulders while Sango and Miroku were hanging clothes on a line. As he handed the twins over to Shippo a scent brought about by a breeze wafted past his sensitive nose. His eyes grew wide and before he knew it he was bounding off to the direction of the well. His heart was racing and his palms were sweaty. With all his heart he wished that he wasn't imagining this, that it wasn't just his senses being fooled by his heart.

 

Upon reaching the well, he cautiously reached his hand in the well and took a deep breath to calm his racing heart. To no avail, his heart beat only grew faster as he felt a hand take hold of his. And without thinking, he pulled and watched as she emerged from the darkness of the well.

 

A myriad of emotions flashed before her eyes and he was sure that his eyes did the same. He still had her hand clutched tightly in his, hoping with all his heart that he wasn't dreaming. He took in her appearance; still in her future-styled dress she looked the same. Albeit she was three years older than the last time he had seen her, but she was still the same. She had tears in her eyes and didn't doubt for a second that she was just as happy, just as relieved to be together again. He wanted to feel her physically because seeing her wasn't enough for he had seen her many times in his mind, in his dreams just like this moment.

 

“Inuyasha…I'm sorry… were you waiting?”

 

She had spoken and at that moment he knew he wasn't dreaming. He could feel her, see her, smell her, and hear her. Surely it was real. It just had to be!

 

Her name escaped as a whisper from his lips and before he could completely comprehend what he was doing, he had pulled her into a tight embrace.

 

“What have you been up to?” he heard her whisper.

 

He called her an idiot but nonetheless refused to relinquish his hold on her. He wanted to relish this moment for however long he could before their friends came.

 

He was taken out of his reverie as he realized that Kagome's humming had stopped. He focussed back on her form as she stood up and straightened her robes before bending down to pick up her basket of herbs. She took three steps before turning back to the well with an unreadable expression in her eyes. Inuyasha watched as the young woman's shoulders lifted as she took a deep breath before walking out of the clearing and heading back to the village.

 

When he knew she was far enough for her not to hear him, he jumped down from his hiding place and stood beside the well. He looked down spitefully at the well as if cursing it to oblivion for keeping them separated for three years. He turned to leave but not before sparing the well a quick glance. “Keh!”

 

~*~

 

“Kagome are you sure you're alright?” he heard Kaede ask one day.

 

He was perched on a tree just outside of Kaede's hut as the two priestesses emerged. Kagome gave Kaede what he recognized as one of her fake smiles. He heard her say that she was alright, that she just hadn't gotten much sleep last night.

 

He scoffed. Of course she hadn't gotten much sleep. The previous night he had watched her cautiously step out of the hut and began walking to the direction of the well. He had followed her as quietly as he could to keep a close watch over her. He was still after all her protector.

 

He scratched his head in confusion as she sat on the lip of the well once again. That was odd. She'd been coming to the well everyday while she was collecting herbs for the old priestess. Every day she'd sit on the well and hum the same song softly and a kind of calmness would take over her.

 

That night he approached her quietly and sat down beside her on the well. “What are you doing wandering alone in the middle of the night?” he asked gruffly.

 

Her eyes were still closed as she had a serene look on her face. Finally she answered him quietly with what sounded something like she couldn't sleep. He only nodded his head even though he knew she couldn't see him doing so. She was still humming while they continued to sit together without conversing. He closed his eyes as well and her humming brought his soul to a calmness that only she could ever bring.

 

He wondered what she could be thinking about. What was is that was keeping her awake at night? He noticed during the day that she barely spoke, barely ate… She put on a fake smile for everyone, including him. When she thought no one was looking her façade would slip and he'd seen the anguish in her eyes. He'd never seen her look so defeated.

 

Kagome's humming faltered and he heard her gasp. His eyes shot open to make sure she was alright. His head turned to her and as he looked at her he felt utter confusion. Kagome still had her eyes closed but this time tears were rolling down her cheeks and her shoulders were heaving with her sobs. “Kagome? What's the matter?” he asked kneeling in front of her and taking hold of her shoulders, willing her to open her eyes.

 

Instead the tears continued, her sobs growing as her shoulders heaved faster. What could be wrong with her? It was obvious that what ever it was that was making her cry, it has been in her mind for quite sometime. Was it something that he'd done? He tried to look back at anything he could've said or done to make her cry but nothing came to mind. “Kagome? Please tell me what's wrong…”

 

He didn't know what could be causing her to feel this way. If only she'd tell him then he could fix it. He just couldn't stand her being sad and not being herself these past few days. He pulled her to him and forced her head on his shoulder. He stroked her head soothingly to calm her. She was mumbling things and he couldn't really make them out even with his superhuman hearing. A few minutes later her sobbing had ceased and he felt her struggling against him. He let her go hesitantly as she mumbled a quick apology and wiped away her tears. “Will you tell me what's bothering you?”

 

He was getting irritated. She hadn't smiled, really smiled, in days and she never made ye contact with him! If she wasn't angry with him then what could it be?! He hated it when she kept things from him. Especially things that hurt her. He knew she was strong, but he liked to know that she needed him. If not as her protector, certainly then as her friend. She knew that she could trust him didn't she? Surely she does after what they've been through together, not to mention she'd often told him that she did.

 

She shook her head and stood up. She caressed his cheek before leaning down to place a gently kiss on his forehead before whispering good night.

 

After he finished silently following her to the village, he leapt up his usual tree and perched himself on his favourite branch. What could be wrong with his Kagome? As far as he knew, no one else knew what could be upsetting her. It was unlike Kagome to keep something bottled up. He had noticed the change in her behaviour since her visits at the well became more and more frequent…

 

His eyes widened. He stared down at her from his position as he watched her grinding herbs. Could it be that she regrets coming back? Had she just only realized now that she was stuck here for good? His chest hurt. Was Kagome regretting her decision to be with him? He sucked in a breath to calm himself.

 

Ever since she came back he did nothing but spend time with her, to show her how much he'd truly missed her. He'd been more affectionate with her than he'd ever been with anyone, even Kikyou! He held her hand numerous times and often initiated conversation when everyone knew he was a man of few words. He tried to get to know her again after being reunited and he'd told her more about himself than he'd ever told anyone. He tried his best to make sure she was always comfortable, to show her how grateful he was that she came back…

 

He did these things to make sure that she didn't ever regret her decision of leaving her time, her family, for him. Surely she has to know how important she is to him!

 

But what other reason could there be? Why else would she keep returning to the well? She probably wanted to go back to her time. The previous night she had shed those tears in realization that she could never return to her family, that perhaps she had made the biggest mistake of her life by returning…

 

She had a completely different life on the other side of that well. She had a comfy house where she grew up in, she had her mother, her grandfather, and her brother. There was that school thing she always talked about… She used to tell him that she loved studying and learning new things in school before she got so caught up in finding the jewel shards and defeating Naraku. To put it simply, she had left the world, the life, that she knew….

 

His ears drooped. Here he thought that the gods were finally answering his prayers. What did it matter if his prayers had indeed been answered but she was miserable?

 

~*~

 

Inuyasha's ears perked at the sound of soft footsteps making their way out of Kaede's hut. He opened one eye to watch Kagome emerge from the darkened hut and make her way to the direction of the well. His heart ached. Did she really want to go home? Away from him?

 

His heart was breaking but he had to make sure that she was alright. He followed her to the well and watched the same scene play out in front of him. Kagome was sitting on the lip of the well humming and a look of serenity taking over her composure. It was no sooner than she had hummed a few tunes of the song that she had begun crying. This time it was even harder to watch. She slid down the side of the well to the ground on her knees, her hands clutching the fabric of her hakama.

 

Inuyasha was simply at a loss for what he could offer to do for her. He couldn't just bring her back to her own time. The well had stopped working and this time it seemed like it was for good. God only knows that he'd bring her back again and suffer the same loneliness he had endured for the last three years in exchange for her happiness. He'd give up anything for her… even his own happiness and his own dreams.

 

Her sobs were breaking his heart more and more. He just couldn't bear it anymore. He had to talk to her. Anything to ease her pain, anything to make her smile again he'd do it in a heart beat.

 

“Kagome…” he said in a hushed tone as he dropped down in front of her and was on his knees the second his feet touched the ground. He grabbed her shoulders like he had done the previous night and brought her into a tight embrace. He rocked her back and forth to sooth her but her sobs only grew louder, more ragged. He couldn't stand this…

 

“I'm sorry to have to put you through this Inuyasha,” she sobbed.

 

“It's okay…” he said loosening his arms around her and tilting her chin up so that h could look into her tear-stained face. He carefully wiped away her tears with his knuckles. “I'm sorry Kagome…”

 

For a moment she looked taken aback and told him that he had nothing to be sorry about because it was her that was making such an unbearable atmosphere.

 

“It's okay Kagome. You don't have to explain. I know that you'd rather be at home than here. I don't blame you for wanting to go back home. I know what you must've given up just to be able to stay here...” he choked on the last part of his sentence, “I'm not holding you to any of your promises.”

 

She gasped and threw herself at him. He felt her arms tighten around his waist as she began to sob again.

 

“I know you want to go home… I know it was selfish of me to wish for you to come back… but I… I just had to see you again,” his voice cracked at the last part and for the life of him he couldn't understand where the torrent of emotions was coming from.

 

“No! Inuyasha you have it all wrong!” she sobbed into his chest.

 

What was that? Did she just say that he had it all wrong?

 

“Inuyasha it was my choice to come back. I wanted to see you too. I missed you so much…”

 

“But you still regret your decision,” he cut in.

 

“No! Inuyasha please listen to me.” She pulled away from him and placed her hands on the sides of his face. “There's nothing I want more than to be with you… But at the same time I also miss my family. I want to stay here with you but a part of me is hurting because I'll never be able to see my family again.”

 

“It's all my fault,” the half demaon said quietly.

 

“No it's not! Inuyasha meeting you was the best thing that's ever happened to me… Can't you see that I came back to you because I love you?”

 

He felt his body freeze at her forwardness. Did she just say that she loved him?

 

“Inuyasha I love you,” she whispered, “But you must know that there will always be apart of me that will long for my time just to I could see my family again…”

 

He nodded his head in agreement. His mouth had gone dry as soon as the word love and his name were used in the same sentence by her. He looked down into her eyes and saw that she was indeed being sincere.

 

“So you don't regret being with me?”

 

“Never.”

 

He hugged her once again. “That song that you always hum… why?”

 

“My mama taught it to me when I was little…”

 

“I'm sorry you had to lose your family just to be with me,” he swallowed. He had to say this right nor was this the time for him to put his foot in his mouth. “Kagome… you have a family here too. Kaede loves you like the granddaughter she never had… Sango and Miroku love you as a sister…. Shippo loves you as a mother… and,” he gulped. It was now or never. “And I love you as a man loves a woman…”

 

“Inuyasha…” he loved hearing his name from her lips.

 

“I want to take care of you. I want to be with you… But most of all I want to make you happy.”

 

“Oh Inuyasha…” she gasped pulling away from him and placing kisses all over his face.

 

He felt her soft lips caressing his cheeks, his forehead, his nose, his eyes, his lips… He could taste the salt of her tears as they dripped down her cheeks and onto his. “Will you let me Kagome? Will you let me stay with you?”

 

“Do you really have to ask?” she joked.

 

“What have I done to deserve you?” he asked inhaling her scent. “I could never thank your family enough for accepting me… for letting you be with me…”

 

“They trust you Inuyasha. They know that you're the only one who could ever truly make me happy…”

 

“I won't make them… I won't make you regret it,” he said swooping down and claiming her lips in his own in a passionate kiss.