InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Nothing Left to Lose ❯ The Gamble ( Chapter 17 )

A/N: Oh, thank you thank you for the reviews (and forgiveness) Tara and sexysesshomaru! I'm still tossing about for a beta reader, so if anyone is interested just drop a note at dark_jewel79@hotmail.com I smell action scenes coming up, so I will definitely need back up, or my poor readers will be subjected to my version. Aside from the new boots, and Kumo, I own nothing.

 

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“Oh, come on. You cannot really expect me to tell you everything!”

 

Kagome and Sango were back in the hot spring, enjoying a long soak. Kumo had already left the girls, letting them have some privacy in the springs. Sango was giving Kagome the third degree.

 

“Kagome, I'm not asking for everything, I just want to know how you went from `just a few kisses' to a bite mark on your neck. You can leave some of it out.”

 

`This is definitely the downside to having your friends help you with boy trouble, they ask too many questions.' “It just sort of happened. After you took Mirokou away we went for a walk outside with Rin. Rin was tucked into bed, then we had some tea and talked. Then . . .”

 

Sango was shaking her head. “What could he have possibly said that would make you do something like that?”

 

It seems that my blood has chosen you as my mate.

 

A soft sigh escaped from the miko. “Mate.”

 

“He said that?! I thought that might be what was going on. That explains the way he was behaving last night, knocking Mirokou across the room and not letting you go.” Sango felt just a little victorious for being right in her argument with the monk, but she was more concerned for her friend. “And? What did you say back?”

 

“I said that I would stay and see if this worked for me. It's not romantic or a wild tale about true love. Heck, he said that love was not even considered in this kind of a thing. But it does mean that he will want me and will never change his mind. I'll have a home, and someone who will care for me, and I'll have Rin. I do care about him, and I want to be with him. I just . . .”

 

“You want more.”

 

Misery was practically oozing out of the young woman as she sank down to her chin in the hot water. “I'm being pretty selfish. It's a good thing that the jewel is gone, so I don't have to worry so much about selfish thoughts and being pure enough. This is more than many people ever get a shot at, and I'm not sure I want it.”

 

`I am going to need to take this one into my own hands. I will not let him trap her.' Sango pushed her friend's hair out of her eyes. “Kagome, you know it is a choice. You can choose to leave. You would always be welcome with me and Mirokou.”

 

A weak smile appeared on Kagome's mouth. “I know. It's hard to think of it as a choice, though, when I know that he is trapped. If I leave, he will be alone. I don't know if there is a way for him to find someone else.”

 

“Sometimes. If a couple is separated early enough in the relationship they can sometimes bond with someone else. The earlier they are separated the better, though, so if you want to leave you would want to do it as early as possible. Remember, you are going to get pulled into this, too. It will not be just Sesshomaru that will not be able to find another if you wait.”

 

“So, basically, I need to make up my damn mind.” Kagome scowled at the water, not having anything more appropriate to scowl at. `Damn it all to hell. Why? What deity have I pissed off to make this happen? And I sound like Inuyasha. I never swore before I spent time with him. Oh, Kami, why does it still hurt to think about him? If I stay here, I will never be second best or replaced again. But he will not love me. Is that a fair trade?'

 

Water splashed as Kagome launched herself out of the water. “Unfair!” Snatching a towel off of a bench she started to vigorously dry herself off. “This is just unfair! I shouldn't have to choose something like this. I envy Sesshomaru, he didn't have a choice.”

 

“Really? Do you really? Would you rather have your body just pick someone for you, without concern for whether or not you get along with them, or if they even want you? I pity him. He can't say anything in the matter, and you can just leave. If you were another inu-youkai you would be just as stuck as he is, but you're not. If I thought he was capable of it, I would think that he would be very worried, maybe a little bit scared.”

 

“Scared? Are you talking about the same youkai as me?” Hanging upside down and drying her hair made Kagome stop talking for a moment, giving her a chance to think. A memory surfaced, making her throat tighten. Her voice dropped, so soft that Sango could barely hear her. “He is worried, though. I felt that today. There are youkai that are going to try to drive me off, and he's worried that it will work.”

 

“Worried? You felt that? Kagome, you've started picking up on his feelings?” Sango was now very worried. `If she is picking up on his feelings it may already be too late. And who knew that bastard had feelings for her to figure out?'

 

Lost in her own thoughts Kagome just nodded at Sango, not particularly worried about that aspect of the relationship. The youkai exterminator pulled herself out of the water, grabbing her own towel to dry off. “Please, Kagome, we need to figure out what is best for you. Think about it tonight. Tomorrow we can talk, and maybe we can figure out what you want.”

 

`What I want? What about Sesshomaru? Doesn't he figure in?' Kagome simply nodded to her friend, already pondering the heavy thoughts. `This is going to suck. I already have a headache, and the night is still young. I'm glad we already ate, I am not going to have an appetite for awhile if I get an all out migraine.'

 

The two friends wandered back to their own rooms. Kagome sat in silence as Kumo went through the nightly ritual of brushing and braiding her hair, then was left alone. Looking out the window she could see Sesshomaru watching over Rin in the courtyard. The little girl was hanging upside down in the tree, giggling so loudly that Kagome could hear her. The youkai lord was sitting on a bench, watching over her with a blank expression. The moon was just past full, providing plenty of light and bathing Sesshomaru in a silver glow. There was no question of his origin, he was far to beautiful and perfect to be human. The breeze tossed his silver hair into waves, drifting almost to the ground. His markings stood out sharply in the pale light, making his skin seem just that much lighter. He looked like a porcelain doll, far too perfect to be real. Or maybe an angel.

 

`Angel. Yeah, right. He is not Prince Charming, and he is definitely not an angel. But he is beautiful. If only I were shallow enough to not care past that. Or to not care past the lust and passion. No, of course not, I want to know that he feels something for me. I want to know that it is not just some trick of nature, forcing him to choose me. I can't be content with a gorgeous male who can do some pretty amazing things to my body and who will be devoted to me the rest of my life. Baka.'

 

The soft breeze was tossing the small tendrils of hair that had escaped her braid around her face. `Now there is an interesting problem. How could this perfect creature ever be content with me? I am always slipping, or falling, or almost getting myself killed. How could I be the Lady of the Western Lands? I would need to stand up to all of those youkai lords that hate me. I would need to be a strong, confident partner that could stand on my own. Yeah, right. I don't know what his blood was thinking. I can barely stand up to Rin. I'll talk to him tonight. He stands a chance of finding someone more appropriate if I leave right away. He'll be relieved, then he will have a chance to pick a youkai to be the Lady.'

 

Decision made, Kagome turned away from the window and moved to her own bed. She would leave the next morning with Mirokou and Sango. Sesshomaru would be able to sever the relationship, hopefully. Either way, she would be out of his hair. `Then why am I crying?'

 

Her hands found wetness on her cheeks. She lifted her damp fingertips, staring at them as thought they were not her own. `Why? What is there for me here?'

 

`Him.'

 

A hard knot formed in her chest. `Yeah, him. But `him' doesn't want me. I will not be a pet, or a tool, or a broodmare! I can leave. I don't have to run the risk of being trapped her.'

 

`But you want to be here.'

 

`Shut up! I can't! The only thing I have left is the idea that I am my own person! I have already lost so much, I can't lose anything else!'

 

`Do you really think he would hurt you?'

 

Groan. `Not on purpose. But he doesn't understand. He's not human.'

 

`Do you trust him?'

 

“With my life.” Kagome's soft whisper was directed towards the youkai she could see in the courtyard. “I would trust him with my life.”

 

`Stay with him.'

 

`Be quiet.'

 

Her eyes followed Sesshomaru as he collected Rin from the courtyard, bringing her back into the safety of the palace. A little sigh slipped out of her body, her choices pressing against her. `I thought that I had nothing left to lose. Turns out I have just one thing left. Shall I gamble it all, double or nothing, or should I fold?'

 

Kagome was still gazing out the window when her door opened, letting the subject of her heavy thoughts into her room. He was watching her, almost as though trying to gauge her mood. His step was almost wary as he crossed the floor, coming to stand behind her.

 

“Kagome.”

 

A small, shuddering breath was all the reply the youkai received. He lifted his hand, gently setting it on her shoulder. He could feel her trembling, could smell unshed tears. He could feel pain from her, but not of the physical kind. “Please, tell me.”

 

“I'm lost, Sesshomaru. I have to choose whether or not to risk the only thing I have left. Do I stay here, and risk it all, or do I run while I still can?”

 

Kagome could hear a small catch in the breathing behind her. She turned her head, looking back at the youkai.

 

“I do not know what advice to offer.” Sesshomaru laid his other hand on her shoulders, squeezing her gently. “I know what I want to suggest, but I do not know if it is in your best interest. I am too close to the problem.”

 

“Tell me. What do you want? Not what your body wants, what do you want?” Kagome turned her head back to the window, closing her eyes. `I will know if he lies.'

 

A deep breath ruffled Kagome's hair, bringing the scent of her to the youkai with such force that he felt dizzy. Any thought of another female as his lady vanished like fog under the sun. “You. I want you, your strength and your heart, and I want you to stay here.”

 

`No lies. He did not lie.' Kagome shivered, feeling her fate closing in on her. “Why?”

 

The arms on her shoulders slipped around her, pulling her to rest against the warm, powerful body behind her. “A difficult question. You do not fear me, or desire my position. You speak to me in a way that encourages me to share with you, and this is something I have never experienced before. This, now, is why. Because you want to know what I am thinking, and I want to know what you are thinking. You are not content to be on the outside, you will insist on knowing all. Despite my unease, I believe that I wish for the same as you.”

 

“Will you . . . ever . . .?”

 

“You are asking of love.” Silver hair cascaded around the miko as he lowered his head to hers, resting his forehead against her hair. “I do not know if I understand this concept. Is it possible that I could experience it and not know what it is?”

 

Kagome worried her bottom lip, turning the idea over in her head. “Yes, I believe that a person can love another without even realizing it.”

 

“Then I believe that it is very likely. If I understand the idea, you would be very easy to love. You will need to tell me, however, when that has occurred.”

 

`Damn arrogant bastard, I do believe he is teasing me.' A quick slap on the youkai's arm made Kagome feel better. “Hey, don't joke about that! I'm serious!”

 

“As am I. I fully expect you to keep me abreast of developments of that sort.” Watching the miko change colors and give him a furious scowl was becoming one of the high points of Sesshomaru's day.

 

Struggling in the youkai's grasp was not getting Kagome anywhere, he was just too strong. “Don't make me do anything drastic, there. Your court lords are not the only people I can burn.”

 

Hot breath washed over her ear. “I do not think that you want away from me that badly.”

 

Pulse and breathing both jumped up a notch at the suggestive tone in the youkai's voice. “What makes you so sure of that?”

 

“You have not burned me yet.”

 

`Damn, he's got me on that one.' Kagome went still, resting against his chest. “Sesshomaru, are the lords really going to try and drive me away?”

 

Silence echoed back to her. Sesshomaru had gone very still, his grip around her tightening slightly. “I will be honest with you, since you deserve to know all. They will try to kill you.”

 

“Kill?! Who said anything about killing me?! What did I do this time?!”

 

“Calm. If you are killed now, while the relationship is still young, then there is a chance that a different mate can be found. Any that find you unacceptable may consider your removal. It is a concern anytime a lord takes a mate, but it is truly a problem when the mate is a ningen.”

 

“Oh, great, your people are now going to try and kill me. How long is this going to keep up?”

 

“A month, maybe two. After that there is no point in killing you.”

 

“Oh, well, that's a relief.” Kagome crossed her arms, agitation making her aura flare. Sesshomaru hissed and drew back, not enjoying the prickling sensation that came with the surge in power. Kagome gave him a blank look, then realized what she was doing and let her aura fade away. She looked down at the floor, trying to hide a tiny, wicked smile. “Sorry.”

 

“Yes, I can see that.” Sesshomaru stayed back, not wanting to get caught in another temper flare. “I will be ensuring your safety. Any that may not be loyal will be moved away from you. You are already under guard from Takanou . . .”

 

“And your guards may be trying to kill me now. It does not have to be a great and powerful lord, a guard that is upset by your choice can do something drastic about it.”

 

The youkai froze, suddenly realizing the dangerous situation they were in. “Perhaps you should leave after all. I cannot guarantee your safety.” The old advisor's words were haunting him.

 

Pup, she will need to protect herself as well. There is no such thing as an impenetrable fortress, she will need to be able to protect herself if she is to be your mate.

 

Kagome gaped at him, unable to believe how quickly he had changed his plans. “Is that all it takes to make you change your mind about me? A couple of people want me dead and you are ready to toss me aside? That was quick!” Kagome was marching across her room, heading for her closet. “Fine, then, I'll be gone by morning. I will not inconvenience you anymore, my lord!”

 

A snarl was Kagome's warning, making her whip around as Sesshomaru launched across the room, grabbing her.

 

“No! I will not give you up!” His eyes were still amber, but the edges were red, hinting at the urges he was fighting down.

 

“Make up your damn mind! One minute you are all about me staying, then you are telling me to leave! I will not sit here and risk being killed or trapped for the sake of someone who may not even want me!”

 

His mouth was on hers, his arms crushing her to his body. Her arms came up, pulling his shoulders so that she could press to him, trying to become one with him. When they finally broke apart, panting, tears were running down Kagome's cheeks.

 

“Unfair. Quit toying with me. I'm not a servant to be pushed about, a toy for your amusement, a weapon to use against your enemies, or a broodmare! I'm Kagome, and that's the last thing I have! Don't you dare try to take that from me! I have given up everything else, but I won't give this up! Tell me now, yes or no. Do you want me? Not the miko, not the chosen mate, not the weapon, just me?”

 

Still trying to catch his breath, Sesshomaru stared at the female in front of him. “Will you stay, even though I cannot protect you?”

 

“I'll take care of my damn self, now answer the question, yes or no!”

 

“Yes.”

 

Kagome wavered, emotions fighting for control and overwhelming her mind. Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around her, steadying her. He nuzzled into her hair, savoring her. “Stay with me, Kagome.”

 

“I'll stay, Sesshomaru. I'll stay.” Kagome's eyes slid closed, resting her head against his shoulder as her fate locked into place. `What's one more gamble at this point? Double or nothing, everything is on the table. After all, I trust him with my life. Might as well go for broke.'

 

She was swept up into his arms, her mind spinning as he carried her out of her room and into his. Setting her down by the bed he untied her robe, leaving her in the simple yukata that she slept in. To Kagome's shock, he tucked her into bed still dressed. She kept her eyes on her blanket as he moved about the room, putting out lamps and removing clothes. He slid in next to her, still wearing a hakama. His arms pulled the miko to him, pressing her against his chest and holding her. Kagome's muscles screamed of tension, her whole body tight and nervous.

 

“Kagome, relax. Sleep.”

 

`Sleep? That's it? He's not going to do . . . anything to me? He just wants me to sleep in here?'

 

“You need to sleep, you are overwrought. Just relax, I will be here.”

 

`Huh, that's a very comforting thought. Who'd have guessed? And it's really nice to just lie here, feeling all warm and safe. Yeah, I could live like this.' Kagome's thoughts trailed off as her body realized that it was finally free to shut down and recover from the day's excitement.

 

Sesshomaru lay next to her, feeling her heartbeat against his chest and listening to her breathing. `She will stay. She has said so, and she would never go against her word. Now I will protect her. It is my duty and honor to defend her, to keep her safe. She is right, that there will be enemies at every turn now. Her lessons are no longer a game to keep her and Rin amused. I will speak to the Captain tomorrow. He is trust worthy, and would never betray his students. If the miko must defend herself, then she will be prepared. I pity the poor creature that truly angers her, we may not find enough pieces to determine the identity.'